You Can't Do That

#228: Jarv-Pilled

Never Not Media — Fri, 19 Jun 2026 10:54:27 -0400

"'Scenes From A Hat' ass." Shocking no one, Eva, Kelly, and Rave cheered as the Carolina Hurricanes stomped on Vegas (and Carter Hart) to win the Stanley Cup, and became fully Jarv-pilled in the process. Also on the docket: Dylan Larkin, PWHL roster supremacy, and - yep, it's that time again - the combine. This episode was recorded on June 16, 2026.

Timecodes: (4:07) Pool Without a Ladder | (9:37) Stanley Cup Finals | (44:41) Elsewhere in the NHL/PWHL

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#227: High-Danger Goofin'

Never Not Media — Fri, 05 Jun 2026 15:50:12 -0400

"Matt! No!!" Is there a worse Cup Finals matchup for this particular podcast than Vegas vs. Carolina? Kelly, Eva, and Rave give this question the sincere deliberation it deserves…but not before checking in on several more compelling topics, including Team Finland, the Montreal Victoire, and Evgeni Malkin. This episode was recorded on June 2, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:06) Summer Camp Catalog | (18:07) Worlds & the PWHL | (41:45) The Stanley Cup Finals

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#226: The Upsides

Never Not Media — Fri, 22 May 2026 18:04:58 -0400

"Look how muscles he is." The second round of the playoffs has left Rave, Eva, and Kelly perturbed and disappointed tbqh!! Time to choose the lesser of several evils and check in on the relative villainy levels of Jakub Dobeš, John Tortorella, the PWHL's compliment sandwich, and the Canucks' new president(s) of hockey ops. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:22) Glory to the Whelk King | (11:02) Playoffs Round 2 | (46:50) Conf Finals | (1:04:00) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#225: It's Curtains, Girl!

Never Not Media — Sat, 09 May 2026 17:11:51 -0400

"It galls an old bitch." LLOFFS TIME. Eva, Kelly, and Rave eulogize the first-round fallen and make irresponsible predictions about what’s to come in their usual even-handed, well-informed, and anti-Vegas way. Plus: Kelly weighs in on the latest Leafs news from the suffocating darkness of Canucks Corner. This episode was recorded on May 7, 2026.

Timecodes: (4:36) Baseball Nickname Generator | (11:57) Playoffs Round 1 | (54:50) Playoffs Round 2 | (1:16:57) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#224: Not Ovi Til It's Ovi

Never Not Media — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 11:41:04 -0400

"Go die with him!" Kelly, Eva, and Rave are serving up some piping hot copium about the retirement or non-retirement of our load-bearing Russian machine. Grab a glass, friends. Also on the docket: dragging the Leafs organization for filth in the public square, reminiscing about our early love for the Avs, and assessing the first-round playoffs matchups based on criteria we made up a second ago.This episode was recorded on April 15, 2026.

Timecodes: (5:56) Don't Let the Pigeon | (13:40) Caps chat | (20:20) Sid and Ovi...and Geno | (48:23) Playoffs preview | (1:06:30) Leafs exposé!

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#223: Problematic Age Caps

Never Not Media — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 21:32:22 -0400

"Exhausted AND fatigued." Alexander Ovechkin keeps breaking records but he's got more important things to worry about, and so do Rave, Kelly, and Eva. Things like: All our new Caps babies! And CHILIGATE. And organ transplants. This episode was recorded on March 28, 2026..

Timecodes: (5:06) Most Eligible Bachelors of Atchison, Kansas | (16:17) Caps chat | (53:33) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#222: Farewell to the Friendship Factory

Never Not Media — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 14:21:00 -0400

"Don't hang up!!" Eva, Rave, and Kelly have a lot to process about the fact that TWO load-bearing Washington Capitals were traded away for [what feels like] PENNIES on the dollar. Meanwhile, former Capital Radko Gudas is enemy #1 of the weary ghost of what used to be the Toronto Leafs. Maybe Ricky Rain Frog can cheer everyone up? This episode was recorded on March 15, 2026.

Timecodes: (7:15) Sympathy Weasel | (14:35) Caps chat | (55:04) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#221: Wife War

Never Not Media — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 18:31:39 -0500

"Get PooCrave'd." Of all the dead wives in our motion pictures, Sidney Crosby is the most beautiful and powerful, and Kelly, Eva, and Rave have the funeral wreaths to prove it. But first: the good (PLD is BACK), the bad (the p*wer pl*y, always), and the ugly (Connor McDavid's humiliation ritual). This episode was recorded on March 1, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:41) Our Dead Wife Sidney Crosby
| (17:45) Caps chat | (36:35) Elsewhere in hockey

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#220: Livestreaming At The Bone Church

Never Not Media — Tue, 17 Feb 2026 10:34:25 -0500

"In-house orgies only." NHL hockey? We don't know her. It's Olympics time. Rave, Eva, and Kelly check in on how women's and men's hockey is progressing in Milan, with digressions on veneers, Hilary Knight's courtship, and Time For Kids (and other icons of the '90s). This episode was recorded on February 15, 2026.

Timecodes: (04:26) Olympics women's hockey | (35:32) Olympics men's hockey

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#219: Bobblehead Graveyard

Never Not Media — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 14:59:01 -0500

"Mean prudes." Eva, Kelly, and Rave may feel threatened by Nathan MacKinnon’s goal-scoring success but they're not letting it affect their enjoyment of the Caps' [checks notes] TWO consecutive wins last week, the beautiful tear falling down Sidney Crosby's cheek, or William Nylander's indefatigable bitchiness. There are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see, etc. This episode was recorded on February 1, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:52) Many Colored Flags | (9:58) Caps chat | (41:05) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#218: A Convenient European

Never Not Media — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 10:37:15 -0500

"Who stole your crown, queen?" This week Kelly, Eva, and Rave explore the Caps' desperate need for a bitchy center, the Oilers' astrological baggage, the Senators' entry into the "unforced error press releases of all time" competition, and other goings-on across our National Hockey League. This episode was recorded on January 18, 2026.

Timecodes: (5:32) Oilers astrology | (18:12) Caps chat | (44:58) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#217: Four Sauces, One Haircut

Never Not Media — Tue, 06 Jan 2026 17:22:13 -0500

"Power forward Miss Piggy." Rave, Eva, and Kelly are ready to build back better this year, first with an apology re: those hockey show twunks, then with well-informed suggestions for NHL and Olympics GMs re: constructing winning teams. Other topics: Justin Sourdif's verve, Auston Matthews' hats, and (sob!) Kelly's Quinnifer Mourning Quorner. This episode was recorded on January 4, 2026.

Timecodes: (4:40) Sorry For What We Said About Those Twunks | (15:33) Our Glorious Nation of YCDT | (24:52) Caps chat | (44:30) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#216: The Flower of His Pesthood

Never Not Media — Tue, 09 Dec 2025 14:06:06 -0500

"Sending love to Jan." Eva, Rave, and Kelly are gathered in the metaphorical mind basement with bowls of cashews and cigarettes and they're ready to talk hockey, from the Caps' win streak and lengthening injured list to Olympics gossip and general Canucks' agony. Oh, and (of course) (finally) the big gay hockey show. NO, NOT THE NHL, SILLY, the other one. This episode was recorded on December 7, 2025.

Timecodes: (3:04) The Cutting Edge | (13:57) Caps chat | (31:27) Elsewhere in the NHL & Olympics | (54:00) Heated Rivalry

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#215: The Messarounds

Never Not Media — Tue, 25 Nov 2025 16:37:48 -0500

"Release your birth time." This episode is brought to you by Dylan Strome's third baby, Ethen Frank's singular face, and a blurry cell phone photo of the back of our heads as we enjoy a meal with Tate McRae. Plus: Kelly's grinchy grin for JT Miller, a buncha Connors, and the Thanksgiving Rule. This episode was recorded on November 23, 2025.

Timecodes: (2:29) Isekai Title Generator | (8:16) Caps chat | (33:53) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#214: Chilly Dogg

Never Not Media — Tue, 11 Nov 2025 10:29:36 -0500

"You're the unc now." What a delightfully magical and mystical month we're having! Rave, Eva, and Kelly are feeling inspired by Ovi's 900th, the Caps/Pens' long-haul relationship, a terrible "power" play, and Jacob Chychrun's new narrative. Plus: several parades of hockey Halloween costumes, special boys, gay little sweaters, and acute team suffering. This episode was recorded on November 9, 2025.

Timecodes: (4:03) SOMEONE WANTS TO CUT A HOLE AND FUCK YOU THROUGH IT, BUDDY | (15:03) Caps chat | (48:13) Hockeys Halloween | (1:04:36) Elsewhere in the NHL

Hockey Halloween costumes slideshow
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#213: Forward-Facing Dingus

Never Not Media — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 11:07:41 -0400

"Living rent-free in your prison restaurant." We can't all be Judi Jupiter bewitching young hockeys with our chaotic vibes for the purposes of content creation, but gosh darn it, Eva, Kelly, and Rave are gonna keep trying. Up for discussion: a foiled goalie fight, a beast named Tusky, a stubborn curse, and Geno supremacy. This episode was recorded on October 26, 2025.

Timecodes: (3:19) Kentucky Hockey League | (12:35) Caps chat | (38:04) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#212: Eau du Knockoff

Never Not Media — Fri, 17 Oct 2025 09:46:15 -0400

"It's all just fine and NOT lies." WE'RE BACK. Kelly, Eva, and Rave have gathered 'round the mics to talk hockey once again and there's much to discuss, including Mitch Marner to VGK, Connor McDavid's hot poly summer, and the Washington Capitals' perma-bad power play. Plus: A tasteful and unbiased assessment of team jersey design updates. This episode was recorded on October 13, 2025.

Timecodes: (2:11) Astro predictions | (9:39) Summer recap | (22:58) | Caps (41:21) | Elsewhere in the NHL | (54:49) Grading new uniforms

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Official Trailer: Season 9

Never Not Media — Thu, 16 Oct 2025 14:39:06 -0400

We’re about to start YCDT’s ninth hockey season and we’re feeling prettttty confident about what we're bringing to the table. See you soon, nerds. [Producers’ note: Ignore the hosts! Tell your friends!]

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#211: Meme-Fodder Boys

Never Not Media — Wed, 25 Jun 2025 18:51:46 -0400

"A creature-shaped hole." Eva, Kelly, and Rave wrap up the '24-'25 NHL season by appreciating the narrative-free grit of the Florida Panthers, the charisma uniqueness nerve and talent of Flyers GM Danny Briere, and the many funny trades and goings-on in between. This episode was recorded on June 23, 2025.

Timecodes: (4:10) Ol’ What’s His Name | (11:11) Congrats, Cats | (38:35) Caps chat | (41:53) Trades update | (1:09:18) What we forgot to remember

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#210: Recreational Kvetching

Never Not Media — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 21:37:09 -0400

"Rat accrual." After a couple crucial Caps updates, Kelly, Rave, and Eva pour one out for our dead Dallas Stars (and say sayonara to goalie mistreater Pete DeBoer), have an unexpectedly heated discussion about the handshake line, celebrate the Brad Marchand of it all as Florida takes on Edmonton again, and pull a few tarot cards to see what we're in for. This episode was recorded on June 8, 2025.

Timecodes: (3:03) Ground Rules | (16:12) Caps chat | (28:59) Conference Finals | (46:43) Stanley Cup Final | (1:04:20) Impromptu tarot reading

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#209: Open For Swedeness

Never Not Media — Wed, 21 May 2025 17:21:03 -0400

"Tragedy of the Mitch commons." As Round 2 fades fast from our short-term memories, Rave, Eva, and Kelly take the collective temperature about the Caps lowkey crash-out, crack open the rich tome of of The Maple Leafs' Whole Deal to analyze some themes, and hitch wagons to their preferred steed as we sally forth to the conference finals. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2025.

Timecodes: (3:01) Caps vs. Canes | (37:40) Leafs vs. Panthers | (1:09:51) Stars vs. Jets | (1:21:26) Oilers vs. Golden Knights

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#208: Limber Groin

Never Not Media — Wed, 07 May 2025 20:08:44 -0400

"The art of deception and pageantry." Round 1? She's done. Finished. Eva, Kelly, and Rave bid the eliminated teams a respectful farewell, weigh in on various and sundry shenanigans that occurred throughout, and look Round 2 right in the eye. Plus: The only person more desperate than Jim Rutherford to talk aloud in public about the Canucks right now is Kelly lol. This episode was recorded on May 5, 2025.

Timecodes: (3:22) Caps vs. Habs | (26:59) Stars vs. Avs | (38:16) Oilers vs. Kings | (41:23) Golden Knights vs. Wild | (45:48) Canes vs. Devs | (50:08) Panthers vs. Bolts | (55:28) Maple Leafs vs. Sens | (1:00:23) Jets vs. Blues | (1:07:38) Looking ahead to Round 2 | (1:21:07) Kelly’s Canucks Corner

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#207: A Slightly Different Time Loop

Never Not Media — Wed, 23 Apr 2025 20:04:44 -0400

"They stupidassbitch'd this." IT'S PLAYOFFS TIIIIIIME and Kelly, Eva, and Rave are doing FINE! THANK YOU FOR ASKING!! This one's a little all over the place as we check in on the Caps vs. the ghosts of 2010, the ongoing failures of the Vancouver Canucks, the triumphant return of Gabe Landeskog, our end-of-season awards recipients, and much much more. This episode was recorded on April 19, 2025.

Timecodes: (4:37) Caps chat | (35:00) Our end-of-season awards | (41:28) The Canucks | (53:00) Son of Brind'amour | (58:00) Gabe's back, but will Nicke ever be?! | (1:08:49) Playoffs preview

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#206: Spiders Ovi

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 Apr 2025 19:43:19 -0400

"Euthanasia like a horse." We weren't supposed to record this week but, welp, he did it. By "he," we mean Ovi. And by "it," we mean "Finally killed W*yne Gr*tzky." Sorry to that old man. This very special episode was recorded on April 8, 2025.

Timecodes: (6:55) Goal #894 | (18:22) Goal #895

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#205: The Coachmancy

Never Not Media — Thu, 03 Apr 2025 16:33:29 -0400

"Taste that pit." Eva checks in with Kelly and Rave about the latest in the world of the Washington Capitals, including some clever losses, some new Chychrun wellness theories, Protas ascendency, the signing of a new boy, and the return of a beloved color commenter. Plus: The Old Slut Playoffs and a farewell to Torts. This episode was recorded on March 31, 2025.

Timecodes: (2:29) Nominative Determinism | (9:55) Caps chat | (50:23) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#204: Goof And Goofus-er

Never Not Media — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 12:19:40 -0400

"Team breakfasts won't save you." This season's trade deadline really insisted upon itself, you know? Kelly, Rave, and Eva take a look at the goings-on to sort the Goofuses (Mikko to DAL, Brad to FLA, Rick Tocchet generally) from the Gallants (Fleury vs. Pens, Bedard vs. refs, the Capitals generally). This episode was recorded on March 17, 2025.

Timecodes: (2:40) Fight Songs | (11:16) Trade deadline | (14:12) Mikko Rantanan | (19:55) The Canucks | (34:49) Brad Marchand | (53:25) Erik Johnson | (56:37) Caps chat | (1:50:20) Fleury vs. the Pens | (1:16:50) Connor Bedard vs. the refs

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#203: Freaked Up

Never Not Media — Tue, 04 Mar 2025 17:47:08 -0500

“He's a soup combo for sure." This podcast has been marked safe from being scored on by Alex Ovechkin! But hopefully not for long. Kelly, Rave, and Eva check in on the Caps’ mAgiCaL cHemIsTrY, the poetry of the Gr8 Chase, the power of the Flyer’s Last Supper, the darksided energy of Connor McDavid’s McNightmare, and the Canucks’ various missteps. This episode was recorded on March 2, 2025.

Timecodes: (3:42) Boybanding | (23:32) Caps chat | (42:53) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#202: Minion City, USA

Never Not Media — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 20:06:55 -0500

"I’ve seen that vest before." Have y'all heard about this Four Nations Face-Off thing? Rave, Eva, and Kelly tried to ignore it like its organizers ignored the Washington Capitals, but we should've known there'd be too much silliness for your hosts to avoid having opinions about for long. This episode was recorded on February 17, 2025.

Timecodes: (4:29) Please Enjoy All Hockeys Equally [aka Severance Music] | (14:17) Caps chat | (35:44) This week in Four Nations | (51:32) Kelly's Canucks Corner

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#201: Too Much, Too Much, Too Many Men

Never Not Media — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 21:14:35 -0500

"Confuses the eye and the mind." Our wonderful Kelly is ill, which means the loons are in charge of the asylum over here. Rave and Eva discuss the Capitals' agape love and nachos on ice, then weigh in on the Avs sending Mikko away (and freeing Taylor Hall in the process); the Canucks sending JT to hell; the Flyers sending those children to Calgary; and - dun dun DUNNN - the return of T*ny D*angelo to the NHL. Sigh.This episode was recorded on February 2, 2025.

Timecodes: (4:31) How To??? | (21:47) Caps chat | (48:47) Elsewhere in the NHL"

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200th Episode Retrospective Extravaganza

Never Not Media — Fri, 24 Jan 2025 21:38:50 -0500

"No object permanence." In honor of YCDT's overlapping 200th episode and 7th anniversary milestones, Producer Danielle leads Kelly, Eva, Rave, and Producer Laura through a retrospective of pod moments past. Thank you for listening for all these years!!This episode was recorded on January 12, 2025.

Timecodes: (1:40) Who Said That?? | (34:45) Special Requests

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#200: The Locker Room Milieu

Never Not Media — Tue, 14 Jan 2025 10:54:29 -0500

"Consulting lesbian." IT'S OUR 200th EPISODE but we'll celebrate that milestone later. Right now Kelly has to lead Eva and Rave on a tour of NHL locker rooms to assess the wide range of conflicts blessing and/or haunting teams at the midpoint of the season, including PLD vs. the world, Pasta vs. Marchand, Miller vs. Pettersson, the Flyers vs. a child, and the Rangers (and this podcast) vs. Peter The Violet. This episode was recorded on January 12, 2025.

Timecodes: (2:19) What Is WRONG With You | (21:47) Everything else

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#199: Hot-n-Ready Spirit

Never Not Media — Tue, 17 Dec 2024 20:27:21 -0500

"Oozing with culture." If our admittedly shoddy record-keeping is to be believed, the Capitals haven’t embarrassed themselves since they lost to the Sharks on Pride Night - and even that was kinda worth it. Rave, Kelly, and Eva grapple with this new version of the Caps that’s horny as ever and somehow also…good? At…hockey. Also on the docket: the Rangers’ slow death, Matvei’s Michigan, and that whole thing with Paul Bissonnette. This episode was recorded on December 15, 2024.

Timecodes: (3:05) '30s Ornithology | (11:50) Caps chat | (52:47) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:15:08) Paul Bissonnette's Big Night

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#198: One (1) Nut November

Never Not Media — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 16:14:00 -0500

"Alfredo caulk." Whew, busy couple weeks, huh? Join Eva, Rave, and Kelly to check in on the Caps’ increasingly not-bad play, Ovi's fibula, THE RETURN OF LARS ELLER!, hot witch Sid, Jumbo Joe's jersey retirement, Jonathan Toews' toxins, and, yes, sorry: Mats Zuccarello's balls. This episode was recorded on November 24, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:20) Petfinder | (7:40) Caps chat | (31:35) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#197: Pervert For Pittsburgh

Never Not Media — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 18:44:02 -0500

"Sauna." Kelly, Rave, Eva, and all our favorite guys are settling in to this hockey season. Let's check in! Whomst of our Capitals is fueled by spite? Which hot old man is least likely to leave his cozy nest? Which coach is lie-truthing, and which one is truth-lying? Who is farming our engagement? And what the HELL is the Phenomenotter googling over there?? This episode was recorded on November 10, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:59) Assign The Amulet | (6:10) Caps (and Pens) chat | (35:21) Elsewhere in the NHL | (50:33) Kelly's Canucks Corner

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#196: Amulet4Amulet

Never Not Media — Tue, 29 Oct 2024 19:44:35 -0400

"Sportsbetting dot org dot gov." The Caps were winning games for a minute there and Rave, Eva, and Kelly found it unsettling. Thankfully, the Pens’ suffering, the Canucks’ neuroses, the league’s Halloween costumes, and the anti-5G armor of one particular Toronto Maple Leaf kept us tethered to reality. This episode was recorded on October 27, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

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#195: The Boy Locators

Never Not Media — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 18:00:12 -0400

"Who's where??" Eva, Kelly, and Rave are BACK, baby. Get ready for everything that entails: sighing with fond exasperation at the Washington Capitals; forgetting teams and players we've absolutely discussed before; prodding marketing material and astrological charts for signs of depth; and, occasionally, talkin' 'bout hockey. This episode was recorded on October 14, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (2:43) Pop (Girlies) Quiz | (16:33) Caps chat | (46:30) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:12:43) KHL Kuzy update

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Official Trailer: Season 8

Never Not Media — Mon, 14 Oct 2024 18:10:13 -0400

Pod's back this week for our EIGHTH season of NHL hockey. Sorry! You're welcome!

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#194: Sleeper Freak

Never Not Media — Sun, 07 Jul 2024 17:01:23 -0400

"Spiritual divorce." Lord Stanley has chosen his babies of the year, and gosh if your hosts didn't just delight in the adventure to get here. Eva, Rave, and Kelly reflect on the accuracy of our pre-finals tarot reading, celebrate the satisfying plot developments in the narratives of Mssrs. Tkachuck and McDavid, crown their own playoffs Super Freak, gut check changes to the Caps roster (and to CapFriendly's public access), and more in this, our supersized final episode of the '23-'24 NHL season. This episode was recorded on July 4, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

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#193: Connor McMeltdown

Never Not Media — Thu, 06 Jun 2024 19:47:28 -0400

"Not on OUR part of the internet." Rave, Eva, and Kelly did not necessarily predict this Stanley Cup finals matchup, but one must admit there is something satisfyingly YCDT-coded about its hashtag narratives. Join us as we check in on DILF softball in DC, eulogize our fallen Stars/Rangers, and ask the tarot cards what to expect in the final round. This episode was recorded on June 2, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (4:55) DILF Island Softball | (14:33) Goodbye, Rangers | (25:11) Goodbye, Stars | (44:09) Panthers vs. Oilers

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#192: Scoot Suit

Never Not Media — Tue, 21 May 2024 18:28:09 -0400

"Make my doodle look butch." Kelly, Rave, and Eva are back with Round 2 thoughts as the playoffs continue to dazzle and delight, and, in the case of one team in particular, cause Kelly great mental anguish. Press play for the league's most compelling gay fox-dog, community reffing, NateMac's hostile takeover of Sidney Crosby's summer house, and the unexpected silver lining of the Rangers' success. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (5:19) Rangers vs. Hurricanes | (21:49) Panthers vs. Bruins | (32:41) Stars vs. Avalanche | (44:40) Oilers vs. Canucks | (54:56) Let's complain about refs!

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#191: The Gunk

Never Not Media — Tue, 07 May 2024 16:26:31 -0400

"A pious suitor for my eldest daughter." This is an episode filled with evil laughter, but to be fair to Eva, Kelly, and Rave, there are quite a lot of things worth laughing evilly about as the playoffs move into the second round. Points of interest include Kuzy's perpetual-motion hate machine, the battle of the Florida Mans, and the phrase "Sean Cody's little rascals." This episode was recorded on May 5, 2024.

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#190: Takes Two To Scam-Tango

Never Not Media — Mon, 29 Apr 2024 17:05:28 -0400

"The pathos is upped." Check in on the playoffs' first round with Kelly, Eva, and Rave! Lots to contend with so far, including Kuzy gaslighting the Canes with a veneer of respectability, Caps messiness (fond), Canucks messiness (anxious), and sweet Mitchell Marner's exquisite suffering. This episode was recorded on April 27, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

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Bonus #32: Playoffs Bracketeering [TEASER]

Never Not Media — Sun, 21 Apr 2024 15:06:37 -0400

It's the return of a YCDT tradition: Rave, Eva, and Kelly assess the Stanley Cup Playoffs round one matchups to determine the non-hockey games these teams should actually be playing based on their shared auras, histories, and hopes. To hear the rest of this bonus segment, support us on Patreon!

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#189: Goalie Existentialism

Never Not Media — Tue, 16 Apr 2024 16:40:44 -0400

"Wienerpeg our way to the top." The Caps are teetering on the precipice of doing something SO hilarious. You may listen to this episode after their fate has been sealed - if so, please enjoy this snapshot of Eva, Rave, and Kelly's mental and emotional state in the before times. Also on the ol' outline this week: uncrunchable Nicke, calm collected Cooley, the Yotes' no good very bad ownership, and an ode to scholar-author Lexi LaFleur Brown. This episode was recorded on April 14, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (1:56) Bad Apples | (11:48) Caps chat | (48:38) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#188: Bobbleheist

Never Not Media — Tue, 19 Mar 2024 20:53:26 -0400

"He meant what he yelled." Our Washington Capitals remain too stupid to realize that they are dead and Kelly, Rave, and Eva are delighted! What a time we're all having! Topics for discussion include TJ's 1000th, the Pens' existential dread, Kuzy's new nest, Torts' hissy fit, the Larkin-less Red Wings, and a funky little Pittsburgh mystery. This episode was recorded on March 17, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:05) League Library | (17:05) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#187: Swaddle The Bruiser

Never Not Media — Tue, 05 Mar 2024 17:46:33 -0500

"Who to the core." Much occurred while this pod was fighting off illness, so Rave, Kelly, and Eva roll up their sleeves to tackle an agenda that includes the half-life of cocaine, Ted's big fail, Auston's golf...pod?, the Tampa yakuza, and the brief but appreciated heroism of Anthony Manthony. And in the distance, the trade deadline looms...This episode was recorded on March 3, 2024.

Further reading: ”Team Turmoil: A Mystery Owner, Squabbling Management, A Nine-figure Debt And A Rotten Record Have Put The Tampa Bay Lightning, Probably The Worst-run Franchise In Sports, On The Brink Of Ruin” by Lester Munson for Sports Illustrated, March 1998

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Timecodes: (3:11) Good Art vs. Bad Art | (11:03) Caps chat | (43:26) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#186: Longing To Shroom

Never Not Media — Tue, 13 Feb 2024 16:47:48 -0500

"We have sparkling water money on the line." There's a lot about this year's All Star weekend for Eva, Kelly, and Rave to analyze, including Brock Boeser's "Favorite Boy" award, Kuch's boos, Michael Buble's drug experience, and...those player portraits. You know the ones. Also: Ovi's got his groove back; odes to discontinued jerseys; and an update from Kelly's Canucks corner. This episode was recorded on February 11, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:57) Bug Fixes | (10:10) All Star weekend | (46:01) Caps chat | (1:03:15) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#185: Third-Place Pretty Girl Syndrome

Never Not Media — Tue, 30 Jan 2024 16:07:08 -0500

"The Amazing...Unlawful Confinement." Did you know that like our Washington Capitals, YCDT has a fun little freak tunnel of our own? Kelly, Eva, and Rave are having a grand ol' time in there. Coaching trends are getting analyzed, forcibly-separated bonded pairs are being mourned, improvements to the All Star Game are being suggested (AGAIN. FOREVER). Come hang in the freak tunnel with us!! This episode was recorded on January 18, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (4:05) HIRE US, NHL ALL-STAR GAME | (18:49) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#184: Kingdom Phylum Animal Rectangle

Never Not Media — Tue, 09 Jan 2024 17:56:02 -0500

"It's bad pedagogy." It's a new year! But like the Washington Capitals, this pod is back on its traditional and beloved bullshit. And we've lots to discuss, including Ethan Bear, the Pens-Caps nursing home derby, leech fears, the return of Dima, hot mic vendettas, broken jaws, classiness, and whether or not we want Dylan Strome to face Connor McDavid at the ASG in front of god and everyone so we can study his micro-expressions in gif form. (Opinion is, in fact, divided.) This episode was recorded on January 7, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:46) Matchmaker | (14:26) Caps chat |(49:10) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#183: Cap Trick

Never Not Media — Tue, 12 Dec 2023 18:19:42 -0500

"No more Kuzy sauce in the pasta room." The Caps are frolicking through this season with a buoyancy that Eva, Rave, and Kelly cannot help but be charmed by: Kuzy sauce? Tom trick? Dallas slut-ery?? C'mon, we're only human. Also on the agenda: hunting for Bear, Jacob Trouba's artistic explorations, Chicago and Detroit warring for Eva's heart, Rod's angry Bod, the Flyers renaissance, and MONEY MONEY MONEY. And WAGs. This episode was recorded on December 10, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:19) He Got That Horse In Him | (8:08) Caps chat | (34:33) Elsewhere in the NHL | (47:26) WAGs sidebar | (57:25) Elsewhere, continued

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#182: The Banality of Bureaucratic Evil

Never Not Media — Tue, 28 Nov 2023 17:56:36 -0500

"Put a bag over your birdcage." Critical questions for Kelly, Rave, and Eva this week: Who's the Selling Sunset and who's the Prison Break? Who's the Patrik Laine and who's the Taylor Hall? Who's getting his biceps squeezed on Swedish TV and who's remaking his struggling professional organization in his image? And do you think Sid & Ovi saved hockey or are you WRONG? This episode was recorded on November 26, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:26) Over the River & Thru the Woods | (15:33) Sid & Ovi saved hockey, actually | (22:07) Caps chat | (33:09) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#181: Large Talk

Never Not Media — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 12:10:39 -0500

"All my life to game." On the emotional scale of Canadian hockey teams, how are YOU doing? Because Nicklas Bäckström is "stepping away from the game" so Rave, Kelly, and Eva aren't great!! At least we have Capitals' Halloween costumes, a Sharks win, and Sabres Speed Dating to soothe us. This episode was recorded on November 12, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:58) Am I The Asshole? | (13:45) Caps chat | (45:53) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#180: Revolutionary Allyship

Never Not Media — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 16:48:11 -0400

"He does not. Give. One. Hell." Eva, Kelly, and Rave are shocked - SHOCKED! To discover there's GAMBLING going on in this hockey establishment! This week they're checking in on the latest from Ottawa, observing the Dylan Strome of it all in Washington and the Connor Bedard-ing in Chicago, bidding a fond farewell to Jumbo Joe, and scolding the league YET AGAIN for writing dry-erase checks it can't cash. This episode was recorded on October 29, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:16) Mascot-ween | (9:49) Caps chat | (32:00) Elsewhere in the NHL | (58:10) Kelly’s Canucks Corner feat. the Oilers

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#179: Can't Spell "Gary" Without "Gay"

Never Not Media — Tue, 17 Oct 2023 17:21:00 -0400

"That gyre is gonna f*ckin' widen, baby." The NHL banned rainbow stick tape celebrations of LGBTQ+ support, but as usual, the joke's on the league because this pod's gay little hands are all over this sport and will be forever. Kelly, Rave, and Eva weigh in on that nonsense, plus a fun and flirty week of good, bad, and unimportant hockey from the Pens, Canucks, and Caps, respectively. This episode was recorded on October 15, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (4:02) Couples Costumes | (13:10) Pride tape discussion | (19:03) Caps chat | (26:33) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#178: A Bird Has Sung Today

Never Not Media — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 15:00:17 -0400

"There's something delightful about a rat boy forcing your hand." Rave, Kelly, and Eva are sooooo back, and with quite a summer to recap, from Kuzy's unfiltered interview to Mark Badcop's blessedly brief time as CBJ coach and the return of both spite-fueled Nicke and noted Sidney Crosby fan Evgeni Malkin. This episode was recorded on October 2, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:45) (All) Star Dew Valley | (11:10) Caps summer recap | (45:40) NHL summer recap

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#177: Slut Bouquet

Never Not Media — Tue, 20 Jun 2023 11:38:27 -0400

"They're both sans serif." That's a wrap on the '22-'23 NHL season! While our preferred goobers may not have won, Kelly, Eva, and Rave have room in their hearts for some Vegas narratives, too. Plus: Checking in on terrible coaches, fractured locker rooms, Kyle, and our babiest baby's new baby on board. This episode was recorded on June 18, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

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#176: Our Hero, Whomst

Never Not Media — Thu, 01 Jun 2023 11:19:04 -0400

"The burden of c*nt to serve." Climb in the Little Stuart car with Eva, Rave, and Kelly for a lightly belated check-in on two rounds of playoffs magic and NHL admin dumbassery featuring media darling Matthew Tkachuk, super-loser Jamie Benn, seductress Sidney Crosby, the agony and ecstasy of Kyle Dubas, and oh so much more. This episode was recorded on May 29, 2023.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (5:40) HELLO POLICE???? | (15:10) Playoffs catch-up | (1:01:27) NHL admin changes

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#175: The Presidents' Cursey Troph

Never Not Media — Thu, 04 May 2023 18:53:49 -0400

"It's mouth stuff." Round 1 was weird and fun as hell, but now we're heading into Round 2 of Stanley Cuppery with a set of teams that feel like mismatched gag gift shot glasses from the thrift shop. Please don't misunderstand: Rave, Eva, and Kelly are LOVING it. This episode was recorded on May 3, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

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#174: Entwined In Suckitude

Never Not Media — Tue, 18 Apr 2023 13:20:01 -0400

"Quinn is for the she/hers." The Washington Capitals are officially out of this year’s playoff race, lol. But so are the Pittsburgh Penguins! Thankfully, between the soap opera of these two miserable teams and the various comedies, dramas, and genre films that make up the Round 1 matchups, Kelly, Rave, and Eva have a whole Blockbuster’s worth of DVDs to enjoy. This episode was recorded on April 16, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:09) Playoffs Mood Board | (20:32) #ALLCAPS | (40:51) YCDT Is A Pens Podcast | (1:01:29) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:17:33) Playoffs Predictions

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#173: Wear The Gay Shirt, Bigot!

Never Not Media — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 13:02:43 -0400

"Wayne WHATsky?!" The only people cruising more calmly to the end of this NHL season than the reigning Bruins are Rave, Kelly, and Eva as the Capitals peter out like a womp-womp trombone. Better luck next year, babes! Let's check in on some of our other boys thriving in new markets and make fun of homophobic idiots instead! This episode was recorded on April 4, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

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#172: Boba Grunge Battle Clowns

Never Not Media — Tue, 21 Mar 2023 17:22:41 -0400

"Kuzmas is the same." Can someone puhLEAZE tell the Washington Capitals to just stop already? Eva, Kelly, and Rave are tired of trying and we need a solution before these guys beat all odds and logic and wind up in the playoffs through some egregious twist of fate. Plus: Throw him in the Bin-nington; St. Louis Beans; and a visit from an old...well, maybe "friend" isn't the right word. This episode was recorded on March 19, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:57) AI Mr. DJ | (10:49) #ALLCAPS | (31:54) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#171: Balms For Lost Boys

Never Not Media — Tue, 07 Mar 2023 13:06:44 -0500

"The sunk-JT fallacy." This year's trade deadline lasted several years and was chock full of dramas, from the lowbrow (New York Ranger Patrick Kane) to the high (farewell Dima and Garnet, our beloveds), so Kelly, Eva, and Rave spend a nice long time discussing everything. Plus: A thorough analysis of the sun/moon/rising signs of the league's top-line trios. This episode was recorded on March 5, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:41) Linestrology | (34:27) #AllCAPS | (59:13) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#170: Kindred Potatoes

Never Not Media — Tue, 21 Feb 2023 12:48:31 -0500

"He prestige'd us." Our Washington Capitals proved this week that while they're a bunch of good and handsome dads to their adorable children, they are perhaps slightly less good at playing professional hockey than they should be. Rave, Kelly, and Eva deal with that and weigh in on Tarasenko to NYR, Sid's first game misconduct, and a white blank Toews. This episode was recorded on February 19, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:08) How Can Women Make Money? | (16:16) #ALLCAPS | (49:11) Elsewhere in the NHL

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UNLOCKED Bonus: Just A Little Love Bot (2020)

Never Not Media — Tue, 14 Feb 2023 15:17:46 -0500

We thought it'd be a fun Valentine's treat to re-post an old Patreon bonus segment on the main feed today. This one is from way back in February 2020, if you can believe, and was originally described thusly: "Kelly, Eva, and Rave were really On One during the recording of this very silly Valentine's-themed game, but to be fair, so were the AI bots that designed the candy hearts whose messages your hosts are "Which hockey?"-ing." Enjoy!

For more (and more recent) bonus games like this, support us on Patreon for just $3 per month!

Producers' note: We trimmed the original intro and edited out a now-awkward line about Jerry from Netflix's Cheer. The rest is unchanged. Oh, and we also played this game in Ep #143: Crush You, Crumpets if you want to hang out for a while longer on memory lane.

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#169: Dunk That Donk

Never Not Media — Tue, 07 Feb 2023 11:08:28 -0500

"We stan a sopping queen." This season's All Star Weekend horseplay had the self awareness to situate itself in an unserious place (Florida) so Eva, Rave, and Kelly are more than happy to bestow upon it their equally unserious commentary. Also: Beau for Bo, the Alexander Semin jumpscare, and the most recent bout in the ongoing saga of Caps vs. Pens. This episode was recorded on February 5, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (03:18) Adoptability High | (09:31) Lately in the NHL | (40:08) All Star Weekend | (1:12:27) GET A JOB

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#168: Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, F*cked Up

Never Not Media — Tue, 24 Jan 2023 10:31:58 -0500

"The Canadian patois." From Tumblr’s infestation of unhinged porn bots to the utterly miserable treatment of our beloved Bruce Boudreau by the Vancouver Canucks, Kelly, Eva, and Rave are going through a lot right now. Commiserate with us! This episode was recorded on January 22, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (04:48) Porn Bot Bio Generator | (12:22) #ALLCAPS | (33:33) Canucks Corner | (56:53) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#167: Jordan Eberle (Taylor's Version)

Never Not Media — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 16:35:59 -0500

"REEKS of Barzal." Eva, Kelly, and Rave welcome you to 2023 in all its cringe splendor! In addition to the Caps' week of foreplay leading up to Nicke and Tom's one-goal return game, we saw Trevor Zegras shoplifting sticks mid-shift, Jordan Eberle penning an earnest ode to Islanders hockey, AND the Bruins doing the absolute most for the Winter Classic. Can everyone please calm down. This episode was recorded on January 9, 2023.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (02:41) Arranged Marriage UK | (14:21) #ALLCAPS | (46:33) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#166: Slam The Last Dance

Never Not Media — Fri, 30 Dec 2022 14:24:13 -0500

"Canadian Hogwarts. For clowns." A certain brick-shithouse-built Russian has been busy this month making history or whatever, so Eva, Rave, and Kelly are ready to wrap up 2022 with their own contributions to the hockey canon, namely: jokes, jabs, and japes. This episode was recorded on December 28, 2022.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (2:46) We’re All In Hell | (11:14) #ALLCAPS | (47:14) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#165: Unsuccessful Pattern Mixing

Never Not Media — Tue, 13 Dec 2022 16:09:02 -0500

"...and a Ziploc full of old bones." It's the week before winter break. How you holdin' up? Kelly, Rave, and Eva check in on the near-dead Capitals, the actually dead Avs, the adventure-bound Wild, and our various plans and schemes to keep these NHLers entertained until the final bell rings to signal the start of vacay. Pray for us. This episode was recorded on December 11, 2022..

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (03:36) #ALLCAPS | (27:25) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:06:28) Winter Break

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#164: Staal Blindness

Never Not Media — Tue, 29 Nov 2022 16:22:40 -0500

"Un-thwartable." Rave, Kelly, and Eva are hurtling headfirst toward the holiday season (read: acquainting themselves with this year's Goop Gift Guide). Plus: distinct kicking motions discourse, a whole week of Geno-versaries, and a reminder that we were HAPPY to let our baby goalies go, actually, because we LOVE them and wanted them to THRIVE. So. This episode was recorded on November 27, 2022.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:26) A Very Hockey Goopsmas | (21:57) #ALLCAPS | (57:01) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#163: Business Eagle Altruism

Never Not Media — Fri, 18 Nov 2022 19:56:29 -0500

"Go to therapy, Bowser." Our Washington Capitals are delivering comedy, tragedy, and injury, but hockey continues to be none of the screaming eagle's goddamn business. Also on Eva, Rave, and Kelly's docket this week: windbreakers, Dylan vs. Connor, the purple prose of Josh Yohe, and the hockey team of Genovia. This episode was recorded on November 17, 2022.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Bonus reading:
Yohe: As the Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin rivalry nears its end, it still matters (The Athletic, November 2022)

Timecodes: (03:47) T-Shirt Dress Up | (08:47) #ALLCAPS | (49:09) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:01:23) International Relations

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#162: Dropouts, Quitters, and Sagittarians

Never Not Media — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 15:06:27 -0400

"A middle school play called 'The Locker Room.'" Low expectations have the NHL standings looking like Opposite Day, but one thing Rave, Eva, and Kelly can depend on is applying astrological fixes to team morale problems. And maybe throwing in a lovable cranky iron man for good measure. This episode was recorded on October 30, 2022.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Bonus reading:
How Phil Kessel - of all players - got to the brink of becoming the ironman (theScore, October 2022)

Timecodes: (2:47) Who Is Good? | (13:22) #ALLCAPS | (37:05) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#161: Spiritually Booed

Never Not Media — Tue, 18 Oct 2022 13:10:04 -0400

"We've betrayed our live organist." Sometimes being an adult means looking a reporter dead in the eye to answer “No” when asked if your team has any redeeming qualities. Other times, it means casting hockey players in flirty sexy spooky Halloween horror movie scenarios. But no matter what, being an adult means positioning your dumpster fire so that it doesn’t spread to other dumpsters - and by that metric, Kelly, Eva, and Rave are grown as hell. This episode was recorded on October 16, 2022.

Get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Bonus reading:
NHL Hope-O-Meter: Ranking fans’ optimism for all 32 teams (The Athletic, October 2022)

Timecodes: (05:22) #ALLCAPS | (27:29) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:10:27) Casting Couch: Spooky Season

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#160: TJ Oshie's Map To The Stars

Never Not Media — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 10:30:46 -0400

"Extant bitches will thrive." Like TJ Oshie introducing Dylan Strome to the Caps polycule, Eva, Kelly, and Rave are re-introducing each other to the hot goss from the NHL offseason. (But not the Avs' Cup celebrations, because like the Avs, once we get started on that one we're not gonna stop.) Plus: Divining what's in store for a few teams based on classic novel plotlines. This episode was recorded on October 2, 2022.

Listen to an extended version of the Novel Plots game (and support us!) on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Bonus reading:
Inside the Capitals’ locker room: Who sits where? How did they end up there? (The Athletic, September 2022)

Drama Behind Scenes With Jets Is a Bigger Problem Than Most Realize (NHL Trade Talk, May 2022)

Report: Patrik Laine Revealed Reason for Leaving Winnipeg - Rude Treatment in Locker Room (NoVa Caps, January 2021)

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Official Trailer: Season 6

Never Not Media — Fri, 30 Sep 2022 15:22:47 -0400

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/youcantdothat
Merch: https://shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that/

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#159: A Special Dilf Treat

Never Not Media — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 23:08:27 -0400

"Sailor suited to high heaven." The Colorado Avalanche won the Stanley Cup, and what a Stanley Cup win it was. Eva, Kelly, and Rave recap Games 2-6 and the team's deeply compelling narratives in all the sumptuous detail they deserve. This episode was recorded on June 29, 2022.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (02:47) Animal Husbandry | (12:19) SCF: Game 2 | (17:59) Games 3 & 4 | (29:08) Games 5 & 6 | (1:11:21) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#158: Twinkophobia

Never Not Media — Fri, 17 Jun 2022 21:01:54 -0400

"Swarovski Pwingy." Our dear Professor Kelly is back atop the host's throne to lead Rave and Eva through the latest in Stanley Cup catfighting (affectionate) and updates from the NHL coach swap meet. This episode was recorded on June 16, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:30) Rangers, Avs, etc. | (37:41) Final: Game 1 | (46:07) Hockstrology | (1:06:06) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#157: Absolutely Pompoozled

Never Not Media — Thu, 09 Jun 2022 12:32:39 -0400

"Why do you even HAVE that cursed amulet??" Rave and Eva (with cameos from Kelly!) recap a week full of meetings: the Oilers met the end of the line, NHL coaches met a buncha new boys at the combine, Hockey Twitter met the Sex Spreadsheet, and Rave met medical marijuana. You can imagine the shenanigans that ensued. This episode was recorded on June 7, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:29) Absolutely Pompoozled | (15:03) Avs-Oilers | (41:05) Rangers-Lightning | (47:46) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:01:12) The Sex Spreadsheet

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#156: A Meaty Little Mouthful

Never Not Media — Thu, 02 Jun 2022 11:07:21 -0400

"God, make me a sword of Gatorade." These not-terrible playoffs continue to hold Eva and Rave's interest! What fun! The latest developments to gnaw on include the Oilers leapfrogging the Flames and the Rangers besting the Canes; plus Swedish hospitality, a respectful Hello to Hilary Knight, and Jordan Binnington's directive from the lord. Amen. This episode was recorded on May 31, 2022.

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Timecodes: (01:06) Swede Feed | (10:16) Assorted Loffs Updates: Avs-Blues, Rangers-Hurricanes, Oilers-Flames, and a Round 3 preview | (44:36) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#155: Havegoodday Pretyman

Never Not Media — Thu, 26 May 2022 15:17:43 -0400

"Enough of a peat." Fellas...is it gay to love your brother? Rave and Eva gear up for a Kelly-less exploration of another week of playoffs messiness, including the Panthers' untimely exit, the Rangers' appealing wifery, and Connor McDavid's robotic mole rat star quality. Plus: Some sprinkles of dreamboat-ery. This episode was recorded on May 24, 2022.

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#154: Department Of Player Suffering

Never Not Media — Thu, 19 May 2022 11:15:45 -0400

"Horse heist." Round 2 of the 'Loffs continues, and Eva, Kelly, and Rave's loyalties, preferences, and prejudices are evolving accordingly. Brad Marchand? Good! (For now.) Leafs? Upsetting! (For now.) Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan's true love? We're invested! (For now.) Also: Sorry to friend of the pod PJ on the death of your Wild. You were right to be wary. This episode was recorded on May 17, 2022.

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#153: Sex Negative

Never Not Media — Fri, 13 May 2022 15:32:18 -0400

""He's putting his whole salad into this." Can wit and charm make compelling some now-outdated playoffs observations from Kelly, Rave, and Eva? Tune in to find out, or at least to be reminded of the mood before Sid got injured, the Bruins got even, and the Wild got got. Plus: Eurovision! This episode was recorded on May 11, 2022.

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#152: A Variety Pack Of Stone-Cold Freakos

Never Not Media — Thu, 05 May 2022 16:22:38 -0400

"Unfortunately, we might thrive." The game ones (games one) of the first round of the 2022 Stanley Cup playoffs are under the collective belt of Rave, Eva, and Kelly, and the mood is: pretty okay, actually! It's a little tough to figure out where our loyalties lie, but since every Cup win is a fluke, that may not matter. Plus: The return of the practical backyard games bracket challenge. This episode was recorded on May 4, 2022.

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#151: Shrieking Screeching Eagle

Never Not Media — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 16:24:03 -0400

"Do you want us to be on time, or hot?" Eva’s computer tried to do a murder to this episode, so please excuse the audio quality! She and Rave and Kelly simply can’t allow a week of Capitals hockey, several loffs-clinching narratives, and a thought exercise about dropping hockeys into various Hunger Games arenas go unremarked upon. This episode was recorded on April 20, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:03) Little Meow Meow | (08:06) #ALLCAPS | (26:36) Elsewhere in the NHL | (47:16) Hungry Games

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#150: Mr. Bitch

Never Not Media — Thu, 14 Apr 2022 13:47:59 -0400

"Take it to Tisch." Can you believe this is the 150th episode of our idiot podcast? Kelly, Rave, and Eva can't, but they CAN use the expertise gleaned from four years of...whatever this is...to determine the topics of podcasts they choose hockeys at random to host. Plus: the suddenly-good-again Washington Capitals?, the crimes of Geno, and the alleged theatrics of Tim Stutzle. This episode was recorded on April 12, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:30) #ALLCAPS | (32:04) Elsewhere in the NHL | (58:38) Podcast [Derogatory]

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#149: Tough Times For Toddlers

Never Not Media — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 11:18:14 -0400

"A phoenix! But it's a duck. A duck on fire." Close-minded dweebs will tell you that when a team has a players-only meeting before the playoffs, it's a bad sign. Rave, Eva, and Kelly do not agree! They weigh in on this common misconception, plus the Jayvor Zeagle Hotdogging Incident, acclimating the Panthers to life outside the void, and the respect owed (or not) to Keith Yandle. Also: The return of '80s TV news chyrons. This episode was recorded on April 8, 2022.

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Timecodes: (05:08) Breaking The News | (14:46) #ALLCAPS | (29:20) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:06) Fuck Personality

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#148: Chugging The Friendship Wine

Never Not Media — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 15:54:03 -0400

"Mike's Hard look in the mirror." The Washington Capitals continue to surprise and delight Eva, Rave, and Kelly with Nicke-themed celebrations, but elsewhere in the NHL the Red Wings, Flames, and Kings are getting up to various and sundry activities, which means it's time to consult the tarot deck. This episode was recorded on March 29, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:55) Be A Man | (08:54) #ALLCAPS | (33:21) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:02:04) Podnosticating

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#147: Nut Bustington

Never Not Media — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 15:25:19 -0400

"You gotta deprioritize the module." Other than the limits imposed by Philadelphia's gingers-only requirement, this season's trade deadline was...fine. Sure, Claude is a Panther now, and Flower's a Wild, and some other choices leave us with more questions than answers, but it's all hot gossip in the end! And y'all know Kelly, Eva, and Rave love hot goss. This episode was recorded on March 22, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:46) Keep Me, Daddy! | (14:10) #ALLCAPS | (33:19) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:18:46) Listener Q: Ravaged by time

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#146: Kuzy's Hand Tattoo Island

Never Not Media — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 10:42:07 -0400

"Dig? Grab?? Hoist?!" This week, topics for Rave, Eva, and Kelly to discuss come fluttering down from the sky like so much beautiful confetti: cults (again!), Nicke's big milestone, Kuzy's hatty, Dowder's new toy, J'Eichel's spite tour, Chandler Stephenson's sage advice, Josty's new adventure, and another round of casting hockeys in self-indulgent fictional narratives. This episode was recorded on March 15, 2022.

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Timecodes: (01:56) Cults! Cults! Cults!! | (13:36) #ALLCAPS | (31:38) Elsewhere in the NHL | (58:09) Casting Couch, Part 3

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#145: Snake Caper

Never Not Media — Thu, 10 Mar 2022 22:45:09 -0500

"Topical like a salve." Mawwage is what bwings us together, as evidenced by this week's tribute to our mom and dad, Ovi and Nicke, on the occasion of their 1000th game together. Lotta talk about long-term relationships in this one, actually: the Caps and crafting, Eva and the Detroit Red Wings, Robin Lehner and snakes, us and the trade deadline. May as well renew our vows. This episode was recorded on March 9, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:27) One Of Us | (10:04) #ALLCAPS | (31:40) Elsewhere in the NHL | (50:38) Gone Shoppin’, Girl!

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#144: What Makes A BoyMan?

Never Not Media — Thu, 24 Feb 2022 10:32:52 -0500

"Be sedate WITH sheer panels." The success (knock wood) of some of this season's replacement NHL coaches seems to suggest that leading teams from a place of love and respect...works? Kelly, Rave, and Eva discuss this shocking possibility, plus Joe Snively's ascendancy, Jack Eichel's return, celebratory Finns, and, of course, always: boybands. This episode was recorded on February 22, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:16) Teamstrology | (13:11) #ALLCAPS | (24:54) Elsewhere in the NHL | (46:58) Olympics update | (1:01:14) Band of Buddies

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#143: Crush You, Crumpets

Never Not Media — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 19:05:37 -0500

"Local short king makes good." If the recent performance of the Washington Capitals is any indication, we’re fully in our clown slip era, so Rave, Eva, and Kelly are leaning in with the help of some of our greatest hits: AI-generated Valentine’s greetings, a stern admonishment that we know Brad Marchand will ignore, and big questions about the Calgary Flames’ trade activities. This episode was recorded on February 15, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:05) Chin Up Princess Or The Clown Slips
| (13:18) #ALLCAPS | (43:25) Elsewhere in the NHL | (54:55) Love Bot

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#142: Feel'd Day

Never Not Media — Thu, 10 Feb 2022 17:10:17 -0500

"Over-produced yet under-interesting." What a weekend! The NHL’s alleged “all stars” gathered in Vegas for embarrassing sketch comedy and some approximation of beer-league hockey and in the process gave Eva, Kelly, and Rave MUCH to discuss. This episode was recorded on February 8, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:20) 'Jaws' Theme Intensifies | (08:12) All Star Weekend | (41:15) #ALLCAPS | (45:11) Elsewhere in the NHL/Olympics | (54:00) Feel'd Day

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#141: Right-Click-Save That Ape

Never Not Media — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 17:10:55 -0500

"Flopping loose provolone all around." Kelly, Eva, and Rave kick off the year of the tiger with hearts full of feelings over Braden Holtby and brains full of next-level ideas to improve the All Star Game, the Arizona Coyotes organization, and the Washington Capitals' collective understanding of grade school math. Put us in charge immediately. This episode was recorded on February 3, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:42) Lunar New Year | (10:01) #ALLCAPS | (46:44) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:10:40) All Star! [Shrek]

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#140: Cryptid Internship

Never Not Media — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 14:49:39 -0500

"The audacity. The PAW-dacity." Which teams are at the top of the NHL right now? Seriously, we're asking, because between allegations of shapelessness and the darkness of McNugget McMinutes, lots of 'em seem to be Going Through It. Join Rave, Kelly, and Eva for their usual searing analysis, plus talk of sexy goals, puppy pals, eldritch bitches, and more. This episode was recorded on January 25, 2022.

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Timecodes: (01:54) How To Say "Cat" In Russian | (15:24) #ALLCAPS | (48:05) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#139: Through A Wormhole Darkly

Never Not Media — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 20:36:22 -0500

"I know what you did last anytime." The Avs are trying not to laugh, the Caps are trying not to win, and Eva, Rave, and Kelly are trying to figure out if certain NHL teams can make it out of implausible life-or-death scenarios unscathed. Also for consideration: Leon the unprofessional, Prong the inspiring, and Brad the Lambo (we guess?!). This episode was recorded on January 19, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:52) Achieve! Sport! | (09:21) #ALLCAPS | (36:22) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:05:48) They Shouldn't Be Alive

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#138: The Chicago Bootleggers

Never Not Media — Thu, 13 Jan 2022 18:33:44 -0500

"Rachael Leigh Cook-ing it through life." The Bootleggers referred to in this episode's title have nothing to do with the hockey team currently playing in the Windy City and everything to do with this episode's prevailing theme, which we'd classify as "Luxury without effort." Other topics that Kelly, Eva, and Rave dissect: four hilarious Caps losses, J'accuse in the spotlight, dragging Andre hours, Evander Kane to Edmonton?!, and the sorry state of the NHL's "commitment" to diversity. This episode was recorded on January 11, 2022.

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Timecodes: (04:41) How To... | (09:17) #ALLCAPS | (25:39) Elsewhere in the NHL | (44:38) Tape Out Hate, you dicks | (56:58) Creation Zone

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#137: Bitcoins In A Metaverse Wishing Well

Never Not Media — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 16:04:24 -0500

"On the basis of 'feels like it.'" Ready to get going? Better be, because it's 2022 now, allegedly, and Rave, Eva, Kelly, and the NHL are hitting the ice at a slow glide. This week: Ovi ascendency, neck heroism, Avs horniness, Summer Olympics sadness, and both the dad AND home generator of the year. Boner. This episode was recorded on January 5, 2022.

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Timecodes: (05:42) The Grid | (13:40) #ALLCAPS | (36:29) Elsewhere in the NHL | (53:36) Red Flag Emoji

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Bonus: Merry Happy Hockey Goopsmas

Never Not Media — Thu, 30 Dec 2021 10:06:03 -0500

"You're gonna lube this." While we enjoy a lil holiday break, we hope you enjoy this formerly Patreon-exclusive bonus segment. Continuing a journey we first began in Episode #131, Rave leads Kelly and Eva further into the abyss of the 2021 Goop Gift Guide, featuring bathroom soap dispenser noises, a dog named Popcorn, Ellen Pompeo's sleepytime routine, and much (too much!) more. This segment was recorded on November 23, 2021.

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#136: Bitter, Immoral, Godless

Never Not Media — Thu, 23 Dec 2021 10:51:38 -0500

"You could bungee jump off that DNA strand." It's that liminal period before the end of the year and Eva, Kelly, and Rave react accordingly with a grab bag of hockey topics, lightly bonkers stuffed toys, and vaguely threatening memes. (After we recorded, the NHL did indeed cancel a week's worth of games and decided our big idiots can't play at the Olympics. Just pretend you don't know that yet.) This episode was recorded on December 20, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:06) Worm Up: Jingle Jongle | (14:13) #ALLCAPS | (36:45) Elsewhere in the NHL | (57:54) Whose PP Is It Anyway?

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#135: The Spankies

Never Not Media — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 12:34:03 -0500

"Very Fehervary." This week, Kelly, Rave, and Eva return to activities both sacred (analyzing the Capitals' rookies' astrological charts) and profane (casting hockey players at random in trope-y seasonal made-for-TV movies). Plus: Nicke creeping, Ducks peeping, rent avoidance in Arizona, and more. This episode was recorded on December 14, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:34) Caps Babystrology | (17:05) #ALLCAPS | (35:22) Elsewhere in the NHL | (51:06) Casting Couch, Part 2

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#134: Peak Bestie

Never Not Media — Thu, 09 Dec 2021 12:34:40 -0500

"The yeeter got yoinked." Rave, Kelly, and Eva are pretty tired of watching the same group of coaches play musical chairs with NHL teams, but thankfully this week also served up delights like a puppy pile in Detroit, a gong show in Toronto, and a soothsaying baby in the District. Plus: Rave designed a game that, while not as explicit as Hockey or Livestock-y, may for other reasons be the worst we've ever played. This episode was recorded on December 7, 2021.

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#133: Who Bites?!

Never Not Media — Thu, 02 Dec 2021 11:56:23 -0500

"We've seen the veins a-pulsin'." The Washington Capitals are currently at the top of the Metro division and Eva, Rave, Kelly, and all our idiot boys are having a great time about it while it lasts — especially since other NHL happenings this week include such dramas as biting, glove-throwing, coach-firing, and Rod-fining. Plus: Eva went to a Hawks/Sharks game! This episode was recorded on November 30, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:12) Catch These Phrases! | (12:01) #ALLCAPS | (28:48) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:01:30) Like, Actually

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#132: Kid Rock's Little Caesars Emporium

Never Not Media — Thu, 25 Nov 2021 10:20:52 -0500

"Metro-spreading. Ew." Honk yr car's little gay horn: We're heading to Connor McDavid's McMansion of Sorrows for this Thanksgiving feast. Kelly, Rave, and Eva's list of conversation topics to avoid dinner table awkwardness includes an update from Kuzy's revenge tour; losing to the Kraken as praxis; Canucks-flavored despair; and the trauma of your parents refusing to get you an American Girl doll even though you reeeeeally want one. This episode was recorded on November 23, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:55) Tis The Damn Season | (18:44) #ALLCAPS | (35:51) Elsewhere in the NHL | (59:26) Canadian Girl Dolls

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#131: On The Verge Of Tasteless

Never Not Media — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 19:12:17 -0500

"Two stubborn white wrong guys." The holidays came early to YCDT: Eva's back in the U.S., Goop's back with another absurd gift guide, and the Caps beat the Penguins 6-1 in front of god and everyone. Thanks, Santa. Also on the docket: a formal apology, the glitch in Connor McDavid's matrix, and a solution for our sad Canucklings. This episode was recorded on November 15, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:00) Thank You Santa For This Baba Yaga House | (07:43) #ALLCAPS | (20:17) Pens fans, cover your ears | (39:44) Elsewhere in the NHL | (48:13) A Very Hockey Goopsmas

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#130: Kinda Fun! Also Grim

Never Not Media — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 12:13:16 -0500

"They are their own MLM." Eva, Kelly, and Rave explore a real grab bag of concepts this week, including the Golden Knights' commitment to the bitchy blushy bit, the parameters of "drip," multi-level marketing schemes, the King Solomon-ing of a gifted hockey baby, Morgan Rielly’s dedication to Toronto, and a frankly brilliant plot to replace one suffering NHL team with another. This episode was recorded on November 8, 2021.

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#129: Enemy (American)

Never Not Media — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 13:15:57 -0400

"It's like undead Grink." Eva is week-to-week with an upper body injury (broken internet in France), but we save a seat for her at Rave and Kelly's date night dinner table as they sort our new Caps babies into bins, assess the results of Hockeyween across our favorite teams, play a rapid-fire quiz game built for two. This episode was recorded on November 2, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:00) Babies in Boxes | (11:21) #ALLCAPS | (42:05) Elsewhere in the NHL: Hockeyween! | (52:28) Who Am I?

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#128: tHe MiAsMa oF HoRRoR

Never Not Media — Thu, 28 Oct 2021 14:31:23 -0400

"We found a SNAKE and it's MAD." Feel that vaguely threatening vibe in the air? It's the personification of spooky season! And its howling at the moon as it crawls on its bony hands and knees toward Halloween, leaving behind it a week of unexpectedly delightful hockey and predictably frustrating off-ice developments. Eva joins Rave and Kelly from France to chat about the trappings of Christian Girl Fall, the highs of Kuzypremacy, the ongoing suffering of the Leafs, and the blood-curdling horror of mandatory workplace bonding activities. (Content warning: Discussion of sexual assault in the Blackhawks organization starts at 34:39 and ends at 40:46.) This episode was recorded on October 26, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:41) Christian Girl Fall | (13:38) #ALLCAPS | (34:39) Blackhawks update | (40:46) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:00) Corporate Bonding Exercises

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#127: Mise En Trash

Never Not Media — Tue, 19 Oct 2021 17:35:13 -0400

"Head Head and Bone Bone." We're off to the races, a phrase which here means "Not yet disappointed by our teams or players and fully enjoying the NHL season so far." Knock wood for us, gang. Up for discussion by Eva, Rave, and Kelly: knuckle tattoos, lil Lappy, gremlin feedback, pop-art microblading, kissing expertise, '80s news program chyrons, and more. This episode was recorded on October 18, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:30) Knuckle If You Buckle | (07:09) #ALLCAPS } (32:04) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:49) Breaking The News

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#126: Tkachuksa Nostra

Never Not Media — Tue, 12 Oct 2021 11:03:31 -0400

"He's rhythm guitar passing, for sure." Kelly, Eva, and Rave are ready to be hated if that's what the plot requires! Well, ready for the Washington Capitals to be hated, anyway. Come on down as we re-orient ourselves to a new NHL season in which the Tkachucks are wannabe mobsters, Jake Voracek is Trojan Horse-ing the Blue Jackets, and Erik Johnson's garage is the default practice space for a questionable pop punk band. This episode was recorded on October 10, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:32) Where's Waldo? | (12:13) #ALLCAPS | (15:30) Our predictions for the Caps' season | (25:35) Elsewhere in the NHL | (59:55) Listener Q: 2006 NHL draft class band

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#125: The Elephant Vacuum

Never Not Media — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 10:56:06 -0400

"I'm uptight but I got a foible." The Capitals are converging back in Washington and Rave, Eva, and Kelly are converging back on the mics, and we’re all basically loitering in the school gymnasium before the Welcome Back assembly, gossiping about who transferred schools and which of the new guys seems cool. C’mere, we saved you a seat. This episode was recorded on September 12, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:13) Sailor Moon Villainy | (10:50) The boys are back in town | (27:03) Elsewhere in the NHL | (41:57) Who's That Guy?

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#124: Assigned Meat At Birth

Never Not Media — Tue, 03 Aug 2021 10:10:20 -0400

“We teach Genos to shrink themselves.” While the pod is away, the NHL will lose every last one of its marbles, apparently. Eva, Kelly, and Rave are back to weigh in on the Stanley Cup Final, a silly expansion draft and even sillier trade season, and much, much more. This episode was recorded on August 1, 2021.

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#123: Load-Bearing Paper Dolls

Never Not Media — Tue, 15 Jun 2021 10:11:27 -0400

"It's the yikening." Like Nate MacKinnon in a press conference, we're trapped in the semifinals with four teams we don't super love, and as a result our pod energy is fomenting a "School's out for the summer" vibe that leads in this episode to discussions of whales, potato salad, bucket hats, crypto, and dog bosses. This episode was recorded on June 13, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:13) On whales | (07:35) #ALLCAPS | (13:08) Playoffs update | (54:30) Spice 'Er Up!

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#122: What's The Mitchuation?

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 Jun 2021 12:51:18 -0400

"All you need is some goddamn therapy, bitch." If there's one thing Rave, Kelly, and Eva are qualified to talk about, it's hauntings and curses in the NHL. Their qualifications to discuss the other stuff - the Mitchuation in Toronto; the Bolts/Canes matchup; the Islanders in general - are up for debate. This episode was recorded on June 6, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:57) No, YOU’RE Fired | (10:33) #ALLCAPS, we guess | (16:18) The Mitchuation | (41:15) Playoffs update | (1:05:54) The Gary Bettman Film Festival

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#121: Gatekeeping Flip Cup

Never Not Media — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 12:57:07 -0400

"Marc is the man. Andre is the fish." As the remaining teams head into the second round, Eva, Rave, and Kelly check in on our highly acclaimed playoffs bracket to determine who's got the speed for an egg-and-spoon relay, the grit for charades, the zen for flip cup, and the mouth for successful apple-bobbing. Plus: We all know which teams have our hearts. But which teams have our wallets? This episode was recorded on May 29, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:07) Murder: The Hockey Twitter Game | (12:30) #ALLCAPS | (31:45) YCDT's round 2 playoffs bracket | (1:09:49) Brandwagoning

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#120: O Bettman, My Bettman

Never Not Media — Thu, 27 May 2021 09:10:12 -0400

"He was living life too deliciously." Ready to get pucks deep? Ready to play our game?? Kelly leads Eva and Rave in a close literary reading of the first round results, including some very scientific assigning of blame for playoffs crimes and misdemeanors, with bonus moments of celebration for the meow meow Florida cats and newly minted hockey media icon Stephen A. Smith. This episode was recorded on May 25, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:00) #ALLCAPS | (36:32) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:13:50) You-a Culpa

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#119: The Vibe's In Hell

Never Not Media — Tue, 18 May 2021 11:32:19 -0400

"You can't bully a carnival worker." It's playoffs time! Again. Somehow. Rave and Kelly welcome back friend of the pod Danielle (@daniellemeowias) to check in on the Caps versus...whichever team that is, Jack Eichel's body, and Eugene Melnyk's bizarre expectations for an ocean voyage. Then we dive in to our 2021 playoffs bracket and round one predictions, which are about as rooted in reality as you'd expect. This episode was recorded on May 16, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:57) S.O.S. Save Our Season: Flyers Edition | (16:32) #ALLCAPS | (34:31) Free Jack Eichel | (40:38) Eugene Melnyk's Big Adventure | (50:19) Our Perfect Psychic Bracket

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#118: Born On The Floor

Never Not Media — Tue, 11 May 2021 11:47:48 -0400

"It's for furries. And for me." As the hell season draws to a close, Eva, Kelly, and Rave engage in a few of our Things (favorite and otherwise): TJ Oshie appreciation, Evgeny Kuznetsov apologism, Tom Wilson discourse, Bruins slander, and weird but spiritually appropriate names for pets. Oh, and dicks. OH AND CREATURES. Same as it ever was! This episode was recorded on May 8, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:13) "Because He Was Born On The Floor" | (12:15) The Tom Wilson hitscourse, again | (20:14) #ALLCAPS | (47:06) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:11) Surreality Television/Couch Potato

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#117: Cinched It

Never Not Media — Tue, 04 May 2021 17:25:07 -0400

"I'm sick of these guys. Dot meme." If you think Kelly, Eva, and Rave are above armchair psychologizing NHL coaches based on their astrological charts: Reconsider! Other things they're not above: hiding in the walk-in freezer, offering sincere drunken support in the DMs, and taking an absolute shot in the dark about which West and Central teams have qualified for the Stanley Cup playoffs. This episode was recorded on May 2, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:31) #ALLCAPS | (24:34) Elsewhere in the NHL | (48:32) The Uncoachables: Coaches Edition | (1:22:22) Litter Robot review

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#116: Follicle Watch 2021

Never Not Media — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 09:12:15 -0400

"Is there a Mrs. Mr. Crumblegoat?" This season just. Keeps on chuggin', huh? Rave leads Eva and Kelly through a week of Big Z appreciation, former-Capitals revenge tours, Pasta spilling the tea/beer, stepmoms, clown cars, and more. Question: Is anything scarier than a Virgo with an Aries moon? This episode was recorded on April 25, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:43) Jellycat Reviews | (15:02) #ALLCAPS | (44:04) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:04:35) Doing Lines, Pt. 2 | (1:14:07) Listener story: H-A-L-L

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#115: Acceptance Pod

Never Not Media — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 10:33:48 -0400

"Oh my god they were co-stars." Your podmoms Eva, Rave, and Kelly have had time to process their trade deadline emotions and are now ready to discuss what happened in a calm, rational way. Mostly. Plus: N1KY-pocalypse, rage! at the Staples Center, and the return of a VERY romantic segment. This episode was recorded on April 18, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:57) Syrup Commune | (12:37) Trade talk | (32:12) #ALLCAPS | (51:03) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:06:11) Romancing the Brone

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#114: Beard Benching

Never Not Media — Tue, 13 Apr 2021 10:30:03 -0400

"No - weird - sex stuff!" Some may say we done goofed by recording this episode before the trade deadline. But is it not enough to revisit a simpler time when Jakub Vrana was still a Washington Capital and Michael Raffl wasn't one yet? Other discussion items on Rave, Kelly, and Eva's docket include the Harry Styles' Tiny Desk Concert Appreciation Crew, a pizza promposal, the death of Yahoo! Answers, and dumb coaches continuing to be just. So dumb. This episode was recorded on April 4, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. P.S. You can get 15% off everything in our merch shop (including brand new SHORT KINGS FIGHT CLUB designs!) today, April 13, through Saturday, April 17.

Timecodes: (05:46) Yahoo! Answers, RIP | (20:23) #ALLCAPS | (51:09) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:16:35) Listener Q: Panda tending

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#113: The McNugget Manscape

Never Not Media — Tue, 06 Apr 2021 11:33:05 -0400

"A case of the whoopsie sleepies." Do we want to kiss or slap the past week of NHL hockey? Hard to say. Eva, Rave, and Kelly chat about a string of Caps "wins," a range of player motivation "strategies," and whomst is most deserving of the label "coach's kid." Maybe we should dunk this one in a savory sauce and eat it in a single bite like a McNugget Minute instead. This episode was recorded on April 4, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:33) Kiss Or Slap? | (10:35) #ALLCAPS | (50:47) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:12:23) What's Your Position?

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#112: Eau du Heterosexuál

Never Not Media — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 11:51:34 -0400

"I am rigging the game right now." This week, Kelly, Rave, and Eva go long on bad reffing, bad commentary, good coaching, good trades, and - with apologies to our sweet Sabres buddies - the latest miserable lows of the Buffalo beat. Hockey is a cereal aisle and we are filling our cart. This episode was recorded on March 28, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:59) Listener Q: Soothing video content | (11:32) #ALLCAPS | (39:01) Elsewhere in the NHL & NWHL | (01:20:58) Short Kings Fight Club

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#111: Eyes Wide Shut For Bros

Never Not Media — Tue, 23 Mar 2021 12:34:54 -0400

"It is the Smurfs that are wrong." Much hockey occurred in our two weeks away from the mics, some good (Ovi goals!), some alarming (...the Flyers.......y'all...). And yes, Rave and Eva and Kelly discuss those things. More important discussion items, though: Pokemon, vanity abs, potato florets, Smurf villainy, and Home Depot lesbians. This episode was recorded on March 21, 2021.

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Timecodes: (05:35) Gotta Catch 'Em All | (18:53) #ALLCAPS | (49:49) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:22) Doing Lines

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#110: Debunk THIS

Never Not Media — Tue, 09 Mar 2021 11:40:42 -0500

"Love to watch a mean teen fight a sun bear." Eva, Kelly, and Rave contribute to the Tom Wilson hitscourse in this otherwise light n frivolous episode. Expect lots of birds, a trio of uninspired Scorpios, a frank assessment of the Napoleonic tactics, a tour of a gentle zoo, and - where you least expect it - a sidebar about human trafficking. Wait, sorry, that part's not light or frivolous either. (But it's not NOT.) This episode was recorded on March 7, 2021.

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#109: Cruller Of The Month

Never Not Media — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 11:00:32 -0500

"Short Kings Fight Club. SKFC." Welcome to our anti-capitalist sports podcast, where this week Kelly, Rave, and Eva spend a not-insignificant amount of time picking names out of a hat to cast hockeys in the seminal motion picture Mean Girls. Other stuff: The Caps' mainstream horniness, Jeff "Scratch me one more time and see what happens" Skinner, spawn of TK, the Chicago hockey team, and so very much more.This episode was recorded on February 28, 2021.

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Timecodes: (04:34) #ALLCAPS | (33:31) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:04) Casting Couch

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#108: Horse Girls Are Face Blind

Never Not Media — Tue, 23 Feb 2021 11:27:04 -0500

On the discussion docket for Rave, Eva, and Kelly this week: several questionable Caps games, art modeling, Sid's celebration, sinister moose, furries, the Yotes' yikes, Lake Tahoe 'fits, and Rave's Enemy Song. We KNEW the unabated sunshine was a problem!! This episode was recorded on February 21, 2021.

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#107: Canuck Cuck for Tkachuk

Never Not Media — Tue, 16 Feb 2021 11:37:53 -0500

This week, Eva, Kelly, and Rave grab their metaphorical craft supplies to make a valentine to weird blind dates, weird commentary on the all-Canada division, and weirdly specific warm-up jerseys. They do NOT make a valentine for the NHL. This episode was recorded on February 14, 2021.

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Timecodes: (01:50) Mystery Date | (23:15) #ALLCAPS | (38:55) Elsewhere in the NHL | (49:20) Listener Qs: Line names; warmup jerseys vs. game jerseys

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#106: Sper Bwl S*turday

Never Not Media — Wed, 10 Feb 2021 13:18:25 -0500

Kelly, Eva, and Rave take a brief pause from talking self-deprecatingly about the Washington Capitals to be weird as hell about topics including high school theater, the Bruins, the Tkachuck Fucker map, and the Big Game (about which we know MANY things). This episode was recorded on February 7, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:26) Sorry, Eva: The Theater Game | (21:23) #ALLCAPS | (43:12) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:03:53) Listener Q: East/West pairings

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#105: Colleague (Well Regarded)

Never Not Media — Wed, 03 Feb 2021 16:38:42 -0500

So many debacles to recap, so little time! Rave, Kelly, and Eva chat about weird but welcome Capitals wins, Zdeno's big goal, our friend Vitek Vanecek, and other news from the NHL. Plus: the (accidental) return of our Dreamboat of the Week segment. (This episode was recorded on January 31, 2021.

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Timecodes: (02:41) #ALLCAPS | (42:08) Rangers update | (49:50) Kelly’s Dreamboat | (59:55) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:08:48) NWHL! | (01:14:51) Listener Q: Hockeys as historic lit characters

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#104: Contemporize Your Shtick!

Never Not Media — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 11:30:17 -0500

Every day of this weird dumb season has contained a year's worth of joyous idiocy, bad takes, and y’know. Hockey. This week, Eva, Rave, and Kelly discuss the Caps being made an example of, PLD peace-ing out for the 'Peg, Carter Hart: Tantrum Thrower, and more. Plus: The NWHL BUBBLE, BABY! This episode was recorded on January 24, 2021.

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#103: Older, Bigger, Kinder

Never Not Media — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 16:24:30 -0500

Oh, listeners, we're in it now. Kelly, Eva, and Rave dissect some highlights from the first few days of this weird hockey season, including the Caps' general horniness, the Canucks' general struggles, and Jake Voracek's specific withering disdain. This episode was recorded on January 17, 2021.

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Timecodes: (03:02) Shootout Improvements | (17:03) #ALLCAPS | (33:18) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:01:32) Listener Q: Hockeys as niche cookbooks

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#102: Jams In The Stable

Never Not Media — Wed, 13 Jan 2021 12:22:05 -0500

"It's truly the feminine monstrous in action." As the world continues to horrify and disappoint, Rave, Eva, and Kelly gather to find some levity in mid-aughts mall nostalgia, media bitches, the institutional sogginess of the Buffalo Sabres, locker room DJ practices, and the poems of Catullus. This episode was recorded on January 10, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (05:50) Mall Madness | (16:25) #ALLCAPS | (25:22) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:50) Locker room DJs | (57:58) Listener Q: The Poems of Catullus

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#101: Dicking Around

Never Not Media — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 12:11:49 -0500

"That's not how you make a stew." It's the calm before the new-season storm and while, yes, there are things for Eva, Rave, and Kelly to discuss - including new Washington Capital Zdeno?? Chara???? - there are also a LOT of messed-up dicks to talk about. Literally. This episode was recorded on January 3, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:47) Ouch, David! (The Messed-Up-Dicks Game) | (16:05) League updates | (33:15) Letterboxd, Pt. 2 | (49:45) Listener Q: "Silky"

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#100: A Postmodern Breakdown

Never Not Media — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 11:56:12 -0500

"The game is 'Everyone gets a girlfriend.'" Triple digits, y'all! We spend our hundredth episode leaning in even harder on our podcast #brand, and you know what that means: uninformed gossip, astrological divination, and enthusiastic roasting of ourselves and others. This episode was recorded on December 27, 2020. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (07:15) Bonky's girlfriend | (09:40) Midsummer Murders | (20:45) The 2021 NHL season divisions | (35:20) Other news items | (46:39) Written In The Stars, Pt. 3 | (76:30) Astrology For Sociologists

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#99: Drunk Histories

Never Not Media — Wed, 16 Dec 2020 13:00:51 -0500

"Gratoony the Loony: The Wild, Unpredictable Life of Gilles Gratton"
#CAPSREDLINE Episode 3, Segment 1: Cruising to Movies

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#98: World-Eating Thighs

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 18:51:14 -0500

Want more Parfumerie du NHL? Support us on Patreon! And check out the latest designs in our merch shop for all yr holiday gifting needs.

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Official Trailer: Season 4

Never Not Media — Sat, 05 Dec 2020 17:56:17 -0500

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#97: Time Warp! Penguins @ Capitals, 2/7/2010

Never Not Media — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 13:37:57 -0500

The NHL is still MIA, so Kelly, Rave, and Eva seek out some hockey-flavored serotonin in the form of a classic Pens/Caps barn-burner from 2010. You don't need to pre-watch or queue up the game to enjoy the episode. Eva had internet connectivity issues toward the back half of this one that necessitated a computer re-start and some headphones-swapping, but she handled it like a champ and Producer Danielle worked hard to keep everything listenable. Thanks for bearing with us!

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#96: Teen Freaks Can't Thrive (Listener Questions 2020)

Never Not Media — Wed, 28 Oct 2020 15:04:18 -0400

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#95: Brains Like Jordan Almonds

Never Not Media — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 16:42:07 -0400

Timecodes:
3:45 Historical Deep Dives
31:29 NHL updates
41:05 Hockeys on the internet
52:40 Baseball???
55:45 What's coming up?

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#94: Are You Afraid Of Free Agency?

Never Not Media — Wed, 14 Oct 2020 13:50:15 -0400

Timecodes:
3:30 SpoOoOoky Stories
18:45 A moment for Braden Holtby
34:50 Caps free agency updates
42:25 Breaking news!!
47:25 Kelly’s Canucks feelings
51:57 More free agency updates
65:50 Baby auction recap

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#93: The Disneyland of Ass

Never Not Media — Wed, 07 Oct 2020 14:50:50 -0400

Timecodes:
3:30 Cheeks Clappenin' (The Strip Club Game)
16:40 Congrats, Bolts!
33:23 Congrats…Dylan Strome??
37:40 Super spreading
46:05 Trade talk!
54:30 What’s coming up?

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#92: Severe Teacher Voice

Never Not Media — Wed, 30 Sep 2020 12:41:33 -0400

Timecodes:
02:55 Spooky Season: Victorian Deaths
18:12 Playoffs check-in
29:22 Ovi’s birthday
36:25 GMJR, WYD?
43:50 Deepfake Sid
47:50 Cup Predictions
53:38 DOBBY
53:37 Severe teacher voice

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#91: A Home For Wayward Finns

Never Not Media — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 14:02:31 -0400

Timecodes:
03:40 Which Hockey?: Disney Heroines
23:30 Stars vs Lightning: Here We Goooo
43:27 Special guest “Jamie Benn”
48:45 More on the Stars, the bubble, etc.
55:11 Trade stuff, we guess
1:08:48 Special boy awards!

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#90: On Too Much Of One

Never Not Media — Wed, 16 Sep 2020 13:15:11 -0400

Timecodes:
3:30 America’s Next Top Hockey
14:37 Ovi in Siberia
17:33 Our new son Yanic Duplessis
35:50 The NHL "Awards"
45:55 The Dallas Stars?!?!?
56:50 The Tampa Bay Lightning?!?!
1:04:00 Distracting chitchat
1:10:02 What’s coming up?

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#89: Chekhov's TK

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 09:11:20 -0400

Timecodes:
3:30 Listener Q: Quarantine hobbies
10:45 Listener Q: Finishing school
17:15 The secret society of goalies
23:15 Caps pool party
30:00 Farewell, Canucks
46:36 Ryan Reaves :|
50:00 Farewell, Flyers
56:20 Farewell, Avs
65:00 What's coming up?

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#88: The Shallow Well of Patience

Never Not Media — Wed, 02 Sep 2020 18:27:23 -0400

Timecodes:
3:30 Meet our guest host!
9:01 Slipping Into The Lava
20:40 The NHL response to strikes for Black lives
38:45 Playoffs vibe check / This week in the NHL 1:05:15 Danielle’s bubble boats!

Follow Danielle on Twitter @daniellemeowias!

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#87: Simps For Ted

Never Not Media — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:47:41 -0400

Timecodes:
03:18 Ways To Get A Husband
08:57 #ALLCAPS :(
25:15 Round 2 check-in
32:27 NHL drama
46:00 The “One Trade” Game
49:45 What's coming up

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#86: If It Sucks...Hit Da Bricks

Never Not Media — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 11:57:02 -0400

Timecodes:
2:50 TV!!: The Return
21:00 Caps vs Islanders lmao
28:00 Canucks vs Blues
37:00 Jim Rutherford’s burn book
41:30 Tuuka’s outta here
45:30 Flyers vs Habs
49:30 Blue Jackets vs Lightning
55:50 What’s coming up?/Our new enemies

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#85: Too Much Exposition

Never Not Media — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 10:00:00 -0400

Timecodes:
3:10 3 Out Of 5 Stars
11:45 Playoffs: How??
24:02 Black Lives Matter.
31:30 Qualifiers, Part 1

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#84: Hotel Whomst

Never Not Media — Wed, 22 Jul 2020 17:32:46 -0400

Timecodes:
03:10 Which Hockey?: Letterboxd
11:33 This week in our cats
19:00 Return to play
35:44 The new Russian Five?
39:47 Bubble stuff
48:00 What’s coming up?
62:34 Hockey…awards

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#83: The Lisa Vanderpump Canon

Never Not Media — Wed, 29 Apr 2020 22:02:50 -0400

Timecodes:
05:02 This week in our cats
14:25 Season Rewind: What Happened, Actually?
27:00 NHL Equity Sticks Olympics/Playoffs
64:55 Listener Q: Our NHL boyband
81:15 Listener Q: NHL teams on reality shows

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#82: Gay Baby Jail

Never Not Media — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 15:26:19 -0400

Timecodes:
4:50 This week in our cats
9:15 Things That We Love That We F**kin Hate
38:10 Book recs!

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#81: Game Commentary

Never Not Media — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 17:37:35 -0400

Context: We asked the patrons on the YCDT Discord to vote: Which old Caps game did they most want to hear us yell about? Because we’re idiots, it wasn’t until we gathered to record the episode that we realized their first choice was inaccessible to stream or download. So we pivoted to their second-choice game instead. Forgive us, sweet patrons. We - quite literally - know not what we do.

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#80: Coastal Foraging For Razor Clams

Never Not Media — Wed, 08 Apr 2020 19:25:38 -0400

TIMECODES:
05:05 Hockey things
19:30 This week in our cats
23:30 Passions: The Light and the Darkness

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#79: Ah! Sounds Mighty Right

Never Not Media — Wed, 01 Apr 2020 20:56:29 -0400

TIMECODES:
4:48 #ALLCAPS?
22:58 This week...in...the NHL?
33:00 The week in our cats
37:37 Special guest "Jamie Benn"
52:50 The Social Distancing Project

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#78: Welcome To The Void

Never Not Media — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 16:49:38 -0400

TIMECODES:
03:40 NHL chitchat, sorta
22:15 Which hockeys are our cats?
46:06 Quarantine Activitiez

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#77: Disasterpod!

Never Not Media — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 19:41:49 -0400

TIMECODES:
06:00 Pandemic?!
12:15 Which Direction?
56:45 Draft Class Quarantine FMK

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#76: Untitled Gusev Game

Never Not Media — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 17:02:39 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:55 #ALLCAPS
18:07 CW: Penguins chitchat
23:11 NHL chitchat
38:00 Danielle’s dreamboat(s)!
1:02:25 Listener Q: Block the net with yr body?

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#75: Leafed It!

Never Not Media — Wed, 26 Feb 2020 18:49:47 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:45 Hello to our newest adopted boy
10:47 #ALLCAPS
28:50 NHL chitchat
45:42 Rave's dreamboat
54:20 Make It Work!
69:30 BrEaKiNg NeWs??
76:10 Listener Qs: A correction, and tips for finding team-specific media coverage

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#74: Catfight In A Junkyard

Never Not Media — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 13:24:00 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:00 ALLCAPS
16:40 NHL chitchat
26:34 Trade talk
31:40 Kelly's dreamboat
44:30 VIP: Very Informed Punditry, Part 2
01:06:00 Listener Q: Hummingbird bucks

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#73: The One With All The Rats

Never Not Media — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 15:08:30 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:55 #ALLCAPS
22:30 NHL chitchat
30:43 NWHL check-in
32:38 Trade deadline approaches
37:55 Eva's dreamboat
54:00 And Who Could Forget Dear Rat Boy
68:45 Listener Q: hockeys as Schitt's Creek and/or musicals

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#72: Consolation Crime

Never Not Media — Wed, 05 Feb 2020 14:16:06 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:38 - Caps vs. Pens (PENS FANS PLZ SKIP)
20:19 - #ALLCAPS
25:55 - NHL chitchat
37:10 - Rave's vintage dreamboat
55:15 - The Outback Billionaire’s Forbidden Conquest

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#71: A Good Bi Week

Never Not Media — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 15:57:18 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:44 #ALLCAPS
14:30 All Star Game
15:14 Bye Week MVP
28:40 Gritty vs. Child
33:40 Kelly's dreamboat
45:10 Throw The Book: Dumb Laws and Your Hockeys
64:10 Listener Qs: Motivational spite, advice for your first Caps game

NOTE: In a brief discussion of the allegations against Gritty this week, we misgendered them. This was an honest, regrettable mistake, and we acknowledge that it’s no small thing. We apologize! In the future, we will strive to be better for our gender nonconforming and non-binary friends, enemies, and mascots.

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#70: F#$&*d-Up Under-Rock Bugs

Never Not Media — Wed, 22 Jan 2020 13:00:46 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:00 #ALLCAPS
23:22 NHL chitchat
36:20 Eva's dream?boat
47:30 Commit Me, D***y
59:23 Listener Qs: Montreal Haberdashers, bird terms

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#69: Nice.

Never Not Media — Wed, 15 Jan 2020 14:21:50 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:57 Caps Pride Night
10:43 #ALLCAPS
23:45 On the concept of HORNINESS
29:05 NHL chitchat
33:25 Horny Moments of the Week
45:40 Rave's forbidden dreamboat
57:15 Horn This Way
73:37 Listener Q: Leafs hoggle or boondoggle?

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#68: Very Informed Punditry

Never Not Media — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 14:18:46 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:23 #ALLCAPS
20:45 Winter Classic
35:15 Canucks’ ‘90s night
37:00 Kelly's dreamboat
47:05 VIP: Very Informed Punditry
1:02:28 Listener Qs: hockeys as tarot cards; hockeys as competitive dogs

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#67: Gremlin On The Shemlin

Never Not Media — Wed, 01 Jan 2020 13:26:21 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:35 #ALLCAPS
20:30 World Juniors
24:12 NHL chitchat
33:45 Eva's dreamboats
43:45 Victorian Idiots
57:25 Listener Qs: top hockey smiles; hockeys as wedding event staff

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#66: Going Fast, Huge

Never Not Media — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 12:01:04 -0500

TIMECODES:
3:13 #ALLCAPS
26:22 NHL chitchat
36:55 Rave's dreamboat
47:15 Advise Me!
64:02 Listener questions: gloves; advice for Preds

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#65: An Egg For Everyone

Never Not Media — Wed, 18 Dec 2019 14:20:22 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:18 #ALLCAPS
26:05 Taylor Hall???
28:13 Connor McDavid's house
30:08 Sharks, wifeless
33:20 Kelly's dreamboat
44:00 You’re Doin’ Great, Baby
56:00 Listener questions: The Thiccness Algorithm, book recs

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#64: The San Jose Wife Guys

Never Not Media — Wed, 11 Dec 2019 12:16:47 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:55 - #ALLCAPS
24:40 - What the Devils is going on
30:02 - The ~coaches reckoning~
32:35 - Flyers’ head traumas
35:43 - Punchy Jumbo Joe
37:43 - Russia’s banned, y’all
40:22 - Eva’s soupy dreamboat
51:45 - Thottify Wrapped
01:06:30 - Listener Q: Player numbering

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#63: Shenanigannery

Never Not Media — Wed, 27 Nov 2019 13:15:10 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:03 - Spitgate!!!
22:09 - Caps @ NYR (feat. Danielle & Laura!)
36:22 - Bye bye Badcop
43:20 - Yee-haw in Dallas
47:35 - Rave's dreamboat

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#62: Ev-kevin/Kev-geny

Never Not Media — Wed, 20 Nov 2019 11:56:36 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:25 - #ALLCAPS
13:45 - BYE DON CHERRY LMAO
19:10 - NHL chitchat
26:39 - Catie got a hatty!!!
34:34 - Eva's dreamboat
43:00 - Whomst Saved Whomst
55:05 - Listener question

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#61: Hot Dumb Hockey University

Never Not Media — Wed, 13 Nov 2019 15:11:56 -0500

TIMECODES:
03:20 - AHH! Real Caps Players
11:34 - Between 2 Blue Lines recap
17:30 - #ALLCAPS
26:15 - NHL chitchat
33:00 - Catie's dreamboat
44:45 - Dormboats

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#60: John Carlson Cannot Twerk.

Never Not Media — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 17:26:42 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:25 - #ALLCAPS
24:35 - NHL chitchat
30:00 - Our dreamboat
40:35 - I Came Here To Make Friends
59:00 - Listener questions

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#59: The Snickscourse

Never Not Media — Wed, 30 Oct 2019 14:16:09 -0400

TIMECODES:
01:48 - #ALLCAPS
16:32 - Look At This Photograph. Look At It.
28:08 - Elsewhere in the NHL
45:50 - Rave’s dreamboat
56:09 - Hat Trick or Treat
1:18:10 - Listener questions

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#58: TLV (Tender Loving Vengeance)

Never Not Media — Wed, 23 Oct 2019 13:37:52 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:50 - #ALLCAPS mixed with NHL stuff
32:08 - Catie's dreamliner
38:14 - Bigfoot Played Backwards Equals Flat Earth
54:50 - Listener questions

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#57: Welcome Meat

Never Not Media — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 14:27:32 -0400

TIMECODES:
02:45 - #ALLCAPS
21:22 - Elsewhere in the NHL
38:22 - The coven’s collective dreamboat
51:45 - Hard-Hitting Reporting
1:05:30 - Listener questions

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#56: Abs All The Way Down

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 12:04:30 -0400

TIMECODES:
03:15 - #ALLCAPS
18:12 - Elsewhere in the NHL
27:45 - Those drawings by the Caps players, though
34:33 - Shoutout to a rat boy
35:35 - Kelly’s dreamboat
41:20 - The NHL’s Next Top Bottom
53:05 - Listener questions

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#55: A Very Dope Cocoon

Never Not Media — Wed, 11 Sep 2019 15:35:14 -0400

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#54: Spiritual Veneers

Never Not Media — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 15:30:18 -0400

SUPPORT US ON PATREON ;)
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Bonus: A Bull Named Captain Obvious (feat. Jason Rogers)

Never Not Media — Fri, 19 Jul 2019 12:21:35 -0400

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#53: YCDT's Senior Hockeys Sanctuary (Listener Questions 2019)

Never Not Media — Wed, 03 Jul 2019 14:16:11 -0400

VIDEO BONUS: “There Goes A Special Boy”
https://youtu.be/98jwi_EpJfk

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#52: A Pleasant Fiction

Never Not Media — Wed, 26 Jun 2019 15:07:47 -0400

This was gonna be an episode devoted to listener questions but then Nicke dad-winked on Twitter and the Preds traded PK so your hosts felt a that news debrief was needed. (Also, Rave's internet kept cutting out as we recorded this, and she handled it really well. As you'll hear.).

TIMECODES:
2:13 - 2019 NHL Awards
24:54 - 2019 NHL Draft
41:45 - Trade talk
52:05 - Listener questions

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#51: Alexa, Play Pitbull

Never Not Media — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 14:46:50 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:19 - Congraturitos to the Blues!
19:20 - Farewell, Nisky
27:25 - NHL trade talk
35:18 - Kelly's dream concept
41:42 - Written In The Stars
1:00:05 - Listener questions

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#50: Projected Misery

Never Not Media — Wed, 12 Jun 2019 13:24:39 -0400

TIMECODES:
3:25 - Stanley Cup Final(ly)
10:58 - Women's World Cup
11:51 - Trade talk
18:32 - Seattle expansion
22:39 - Holtbys @ Pride
29:15 - Eva's dreamboat
46:20 - The Party Planning Committee
1:04:30 - Listener questions

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#49: Spooking A Hunk

Never Not Media — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 13:19:34 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:51 - Stanley Cup Final
12:09 - IIHF Worlds
13:49 - One more thing about the SCF tho
15:19 - ...and back to Worlds
16:19 - #AthletesAndActivism
21:18 - The ECHL trophy
26:08 - Rave's dreamboat
41:35 - Coven Combine
1:00:30 - Listener questions

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#48: Oh, And Your Kids Are Ugly

Never Not Media — Wed, 22 May 2019 14:35:38 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:13 - Sharks/Blues
9:26 - Canes/Bruins
18:55 - IIHF Worlds check-in
24:10 - Kelly's dreamboat
34:10 - Draft Class Sorting Hat
55:05 - Listener questions

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#47: This Episode Is Not Called "Sex Cousins"

Never Not Media — Wed, 15 May 2019 11:49:53 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:04 - IIHF Worlds
8:51 - Bruins/Canes
17:05 - Sharks/Blues
22:50 - Catie's dreamboat
37:15 - Which Daytime TV Hockeys?
49:55 - Listener questions

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#46: Powerwashed

Never Not Media — Wed, 08 May 2019 12:59:27 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:40 - Women's hockey
6:29 - IIHF Worlds/Off-season lifestyles
12:10 - Canes/Isles
19:20 - Bruins/Blue Jackets
24:00 - Sharks/Avs
30:13 - Stars/Blues
37:15 - Eva's dreamboat
51:10 - Unnatural Hat Tricks
1:08:00 - Listener questions

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#45: Loose Noodles

Never Not Media — Wed, 01 May 2019 14:45:35 -0400

TIMECODES:
1:16 - The Caps are out :(
10:40 - Capitals Flashback: 2017
16:00 - #ALLCAPS: Room for improvement
21:03 - Capitals Flashback: 2018
27:09 - Isles/Canes
31:16 - Bruins/Blue Jackets
36:50 - Sharks/Avs
48:00 - Stars/Blues
52:40 - Rave's dreamboat
1:08:00 - Listener questions

SUPPORT US ON PATREON!
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READ KELLY'S DEADSPIN PIECE:
https://deadspin.com/the-8-deadly-sins-of-the-first-round-1834285265

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#44: The Ferda Metric

Never Not Media — Wed, 24 Apr 2019 17:46:07 -0400

TIMECODES:
1:45 - Playoffs: Eastern Conf. check-in
23:16 - Playoffs: Western Conf. check-in
30:00 - Yzerman to the Red Wings
33:15 - Kelly's dreamboats
44:13 - Talent/"Talent" Show XXL
59:51 - Listener questions

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#43: Mea Hornimus Culpa

Never Not Media — Wed, 17 Apr 2019 12:20:00 -0400

TIMECODES:
3:16 - Playoffs: Eastern Conference check-in
23:37 - Playoffs: Western Conference check-in
37:29 - Catie's dreamboat
45:00 - FMK w/ Yr Cvn
1:18:22 - Listener question

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#42: Alabama Baby Thot

Never Not Media — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 15:55:17 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:28 - #ALLCAPS
12:20 - Playoffs chitchat
30:57 - Eva's dreamboat
52:32 - Story Time with Miss Eva
1:06:08 - Listener questions

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#41: Cat Law and Sunfish

Never Not Media — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 13:47:34 -0400

TIMECODES:
3:15 - #ALLCAPS
17:15 - Boo, Tampa Bay
24:28 - NHL chitchat
36:10 - Eva & Catie's Preds game recap
51:28 - Rave's dreamboat
1:09:12 - Mom's Credit Card Got Hacked :(
1:19:20 - Listener question

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YCDT Is Now On Patreon!

Never Not Media — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 15:08:55 -0400

SUPPORT US ON PATREON:
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#40: Nobody Asked, Jeff.

Never Not Media — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 12:46:05 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:01 - #ALLCAPS
10:25 - NHL chitchat
22:55 - Kelly's dreamboat
38:38 - Ice Food Truckers
52:00 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#39: Evgeni Malkin's Borscht Palace and Sushi Bar

Never Not Media — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 13:27:08 -0400

TIMECODES:
2:21 - #ALLCAPS
10:32 - NHL chitchat
27:06 - Wildcard update
28:02 - Draft lottery explainer
33:40 - Eva's dreamboat
46:24 - Do It For the Line
59:35 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#38: White Wine On An ATV

Never Not Media — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 16:33:09 -0400

TIMECODES:
3:10 - #ALLCAPS
9:10 - NHL: Playoffs update!
20:00 - Catie's dreamboat
34:10 - Forced Bonding
49:28 - Listener questions

We had an audio problem on Catie’s end this week, as you will definitely hear. We’re sorry about that and we thank you for sticking with us anyway!

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#37: Overrate This A$$

Never Not Media — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 15:39:26 -0500

TIMECODES:
1:46 - Merch update!
2:55 - #ALLCAPS
29:21 - NHL chitchat
34:39 - Rave's thought canoe
43:40 - Whose Line-y Is It Anyway?
1:01:17 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#36: The Dirtbag Triad

Never Not Media — Wed, 27 Feb 2019 15:51:40 -0500

TIMECODES:
2:12 - Merch announcement!
3:34 - #ALLCAPS
15:18 - NHL chitchat
25:40 - Eva's dreamboat
38:58 - Our Major Motion Picture
53:27 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#35: Brittle Twizzler

Never Not Media — Thu, 21 Feb 2019 11:42:51 -0500

We experienced some technical issues this week, so plz don’t be caught off guard when the audio quality shifts about halfway through! We did our best!

TIMECODES:
1:40 - #ALLCAPS
10:07 - NHL chitchat
27:40 - Kelly's dreamboat
38:22 - Heart Trophy Power Rankings
54:30 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#34: All By Myself Dot MP3

Never Not Media — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 16:48:58 -0500

TIMECODES:
2:10 - #ALLCAPS
16:40 - NHL chitchat
33:08 - Rave's dreamboat
49:45 - NHL's Lonely Hearts
1:07:55 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#33: Is THIS A Handsome Man??

Never Not Media — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 17:38:30 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:50 - #ALLCAPS
08:50 - NHL chitchat
17:10 - Shameboatin'
35:10 - The 2019 (All) Star Sign Game
50:30 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#32: @NotAPenguin78

Never Not Media — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 14:03:56 -0500

TIMECODES:
01:40 - #ALLCAPS
08:00 - NHL/All Star Game chitchat
25:05 - Kelly's dreamboat(s)
31:25 - Solo Number
44:40 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#31: The Desert of Whoms

Never Not Media — Wed, 23 Jan 2019 16:13:58 -0500

TIMECODES:
3:30 - #ALLCAPS
16:22 - NHL chitchat
29:15 - Eva's dreamboat
45:05 - Lesser Halves Charity Baskets
1:12:40 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#30: Sympathy For The Overdog

Never Not Media — Wed, 16 Jan 2019 11:49:22 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:00 - #ALLCAPS
25:50 - NHL chitchat
39:55 - Rave's dreamboat
46:50 - Star (Sign) Wars
01:06:15 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#29: Jumbo Jamie

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 13:57:28 -0500

TIMECODES:
01:25 - #ALLCAPS
14:07 - NHL chitchat
20:58 - Special guest "Jamie Benn"
27:00 - Catie's (& everyone's) dreamboat
38:35 - Which Hockey?: Meetup Group edition
53:50 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#28: Kids And Their Devices

Never Not Media — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 10:56:20 -0500

TIMECODES:
02:00 - #ALLCAPS
12:15 - NHL chitchat
28:23 - Kelly's dreamboat
37:15 - Our Team Is A Family
53:32 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#27: A Hard Left Back to Chaos Town

Never Not Media — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 18:34:14 -0500

TIMECODES:
04:15 - #ALLCAPS
21:00 - NHL chitchat
33:20 - Eva's dreamboat
43:35 - Secret Satan
1:06:26 - Listener questions

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#26: Andre Burakovsky's Growth Mindset Affirmation of the Week

Never Not Media — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 15:58:24 -0500

Are Hallmark holiday movies an easy target for #jokes? Sure. Are we too good to dip from that well? Never ever. In addition: the hitting rubric, a Tinder full of Canucks, and something adjacent to "Gone Girl"-ing. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#25: Arena Mood Lighting

Never Not Media — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 15:17:21 -0500

Catie has prepared a fresh batch of Tom Wilson Is The Greatest Hockey Player Of All Time juice and it's time to take a f***in' sip, babes. Other topics: haunted doll William Nylander, ideal goal songs, and a Dreamboat with flow. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#24: How To Neg A Man

Never Not Media — Wed, 21 Nov 2018 16:02:44 -0500

Turn on the time machine! Professor Kelly is ready to whisk us back to the '80s for a #defection bedtime story. Also: trades, tests, and Thanksgiving dinner guests. (By the way, listeners: We're thankful for you. xoxo.) ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#23: Capital L "Like" Capital T "That"

Never Not Media — Wed, 14 Nov 2018 13:22:46 -0500

Do you revel in the suffering of your enemies, or are you the type to pretend your enemies don’t even exist? Doesn't matter. This podcast endorses both. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#22: Severe Magician Face

Never Not Media — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 12:33:19 -0500

Every part of this episode is inappropriate, up to and including the round of "Hockey or Livestock-y?" that we finally forced Eva and Kelly to play. Desperate times call for extra weird silliness, we don't make the rules. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#21: Normcore Passing

Never Not Media — Wed, 31 Oct 2018 16:05:39 -0400

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#20: Someone's Canuck-in' At Your Door

Never Not Media — Wed, 24 Oct 2018 14:55:00 -0400

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#19: Halloween? Or Niche Torture??

Never Not Media — Wed, 17 Oct 2018 18:07:19 -0400

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#18: D***y Desensitization

Never Not Media — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 15:23:17 -0400

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#17: Listener Questions!

Never Not Media — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 15:13:23 -0400

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#16: The Ballad of Nicke & Ovi

Never Not Media — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 17:08:55 -0400

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#15: A Goat Named War Games (feat. Jason Rogers)

Never Not Media — Fri, 27 Jul 2018 15:28:37 -0400

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#14: Weekend At Backy's

Never Not Media — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 12:33:36 -0400

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#13: Hashtag Feminine Features

Never Not Media — Thu, 07 Jun 2018 13:54:22 -0400

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#12: Soft Filters and Star Wipes

Never Not Media — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 11:53:18 -0400

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#11: Fizzing Like A Rocket Pop

Never Not Media — Fri, 25 May 2018 12:10:03 -0400

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#10: Thanks, Zodiac Hockey Dot Com

Never Not Media — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:10:49 -0400

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#09: F Is For "Family of Werewolves"

Never Not Media — Wed, 16 May 2018 14:00:00 -0400

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#08: Playing For Love (And Spite)

Never Not Media — Wed, 09 May 2018 13:30:23 -0400

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#07: Chess on a Hockey Plane

Never Not Media — Wed, 02 May 2018 18:19:36 -0400

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#06: Appreciate Our Daughter!!

Never Not Media — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 18:01:48 -0400

Eva tries to restore balance to a negative world by wringing sincere compliments out of Kelly, Catie, and Rave about the teams they hate. Plus: Complicated viral-video reactions and a mean-eyed dreamboat. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#05: Enthusiastic Licking Consent

Never Not Media — Wed, 18 Apr 2018 16:38:18 -0400

The wrong people are jousting, Brad Marchand is out here licking dudes, and we can barely tell the difference between professional sports commentary and descriptions of adult films. It's the 2018 Stanley Cup playoffs. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Bonus: Hockey Chirps Hall of Fame

Never Not Media — Fri, 13 Apr 2018 12:17:10 -0400

Catie hosts a tour through some of the most patently ridiculous hockey player "insults" in memory. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#04: Golf. Space. My Dog.

Never Not Media — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 18:28:22 -0400

Starting around the hour mark, there's a weird echo that we've so far been unable to fix. We're sorry about that! We appreciate your patience and hope it doesn't affect your enjoyment of the episode.

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Bonus: Hockey Coven As

Never Not Media — Fri, 30 Mar 2018 11:17:31 -0400

In a purely self-indulgent exercise, the girls discuss which Caps players they spiritually resemble and which positions they'd play - and for which teams - if they were actually players themselves. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#03: No Ethical Consumption Under Late-Stage NHL

Never Not Media — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 20:54:32 -0400

As we all know, hockey is made up of a select few cats and extremely a lot of dogs. But which of them are worthy of this season's Hart Trophy? And which are Dreamboats, but like, the dumpster kind? Let's find out together! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Bonus: A Little ‘Stitious

Never Not Media — Fri, 16 Mar 2018 18:55:38 -0400

Eva leads a discussion about the superstitions that shape hockey players’ routines, from stick drawings to octopus sacrifices and everything in between. Plus, an update on our pal Diane. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#02: Schrödinger's Dick

Never Not Media — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 19:09:05 -0500

The girls are riding high after a shockingly enjoyable Caps win as they talk trade deadline dreams/drama, thirst traps vs. heart traps, and tips for a first-time hockey game attendee. Plus, unlikely animal friends! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Bonus: Pitch Hockey 2 Me

Never Not Media — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 12:46:07 -0500

Rave has piles of money. Catie, Kelly, and Eva have a fun and/or miserable proposal for what to do with it. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

#01: Upsies For Fifi!

Never Not Media — Fri, 23 Feb 2018 18:10:29 -0500

This episode was recorded on Sunday, February 18, and might be a teensy bit outdated news-wise when you hear it. Future episodes will be more timely, promise!

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Coming Soon!

Never Not Media — Wed, 21 Feb 2018 22:00:00 -0500

Four enthusiastically self-righteous idiots, one beautiful mess of a sport: "You Can't Do That" is coming soon.

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