Most of what we believe about money works the same way. We didn't get it from Scripture. We got it from our parents, our church, our culture, and every bad example we've watched. Then we see more evidence for what we believe than for what God actually said.

This episode is about the gap between what God says and what we believe about what God says. I talk about Epictetus and the high school breakup that felt like the end of the world. I talk about why praying "God's will" in a hospital room is often unbelief dressed up as something spiritual. And we look at Mark 6, when Jesus couldn't do miracles in his own hometown.

Jesus was amazed twice in the Gospels. Once at unbelief in Nazareth. Once at the faith of a Roman centurion. You get to decide which one He sees in you.

So does God want you to be rich? Yes. The only question left is whether you believe it.

This is part 3 of God and money, Season 2 of The Dialog: a search for what the Bible actually says about wealth.

Scriptures
Mark 7:1-13 · Isaiah 29:13 · Mark 6:1-6 · Matthew 8:5-13 · Romans 12:2 · Isaiah 55:8-9 · Hebrews 12:11

Thinkers and books referenced
Epictetus: it's not events that disturb us, it's our opinions about them (Enchiridion 5)
Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way: objective events, subjective judgments
Seneca: regard all adversity as training (On Providence)
Søren Kierkegaard: life is understood backwards but lived forwards

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:50 God and money, part 3
2:06 The problem with God wanting you rich
3:57 Bad examples and godly people who don't prosper
5:21 Mark 7: unwashed hands and tradition
6:48 Isaiah 29:13: rules learned by rote
8:02 "You cancel the word of God" (Mark 7:13)
9:44 Money beliefs that don't come from Scripture
10:47 What God says vs. what you believe He says
12:40 Is anything more powerful than the Bible?
14:57 Poverty mentality: the traditions we inherit
16:57 Does your thinking about money match God's?
18:05 Experience vs. interpretation (Ryan Holiday)
20:40 When interpretation becomes "truth"
22:37 Adversity and a good God (Seneca, Hebrews 12)
26:20 Epictetus, Kierkegaard and the high school breakup
29:21 When their ideas became God's ideas
31:27 Modern-day Pharisees
33:19 Confirmation bias and green cars
34:05 Praying "God's will" in the hospital
36:04 Is it more spiritual to be poor?
37:34 Isn't God unlimited? (Isaiah 55)
38:49 Romans 12:2: changing the way you think
40:26 Mark 6: why Jesus couldn't do miracles
42:25 Matthew 8: the faith that amazed Jesus
44:51 So does God want you to be rich?
46:30 Next: wasn't Jesus poor?

God and money (season 2)
2.1 / Are God and money incompatible?
2.2 / Does God want me to be rich? What the Bible actually says
Next episode: wasn't Jesus poor? Coming soon.

New episodes most weeks. Follow the show, and send this to a friend who grew up hearing money is evil.

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A stranger walked up to me at the gym and asked if I was a pastor or something. I told him I was more of an “or something.” Then he found out where our church was.

“Oh, you’re one of those prosperity gospel churches.”

So I asked him what the prosperity gospel was. He couldn’t tell me. So I asked him a few questions instead. Do you believe in God? Do you want to make more money? Do you want to win in life? Do you think God wants that for you?

“It sounds like you believe in the prosperity gospel.”

Everybody uses words they can’t define. Before we can answer whether God wants you to be rich, we have to agree on what rich means. Not the culture’s definition. God’s.

This is Season 2 of The Dialog: God and money, what the Bible actually says about wealth, generosity and winning in life God’s way. In this episode, I go through the Hebrew and Greek words the Bible actually uses for prosperity, with the receipts so you can look them up for yourself. We look at Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and David. I also talk about my two grandfathers, and why the real inheritance was never the money.

We land on two simple definitions.

Old Testament: The blessing of God to have and grow my assigned dominion for generations.

New Testament: I have everything I need, and I have enough to meet other people’s needs.

Scriptures
Proverbs 10:22 · Proverbs 13:22 · Deuteronomy 8:18 · 2 Corinthians 8:2 · 2 Corinthians 9:8-11 · Acts 17:11 · Romans 12:2 · Genesis 26:13 · Job 42:10 · Hosea 4:6 (quotes above: ESV)

Thinkers and sources
Socrates (define your terms first) · G.K. Chesterton · Plutarch, To an Uneducated Ruler · a line often attributed to Mark Twain
Word studies: Brown-Driver-Briggs, HALOT, TWOT, Strong’s, BDAG, Mounce, TDNT
Numbers: U.S. Census Bureau, 2024 median household income

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:51 Does God want us to be rich? (G.K. Chesterton)
4:32 “Are you a pastor or something?”
8:12 “You’re one of those prosperity gospel churches”
10:16 Everybody uses words they can’t define (Socrates)
13:20 Bad teaching doesn’t make the truth untrue
15:39 Be a Berean (Acts 17:11)
17:09 How many Christians have a biblical worldview?
20:59 The odds are I’m wrong too (Romans 12:2)
22:57 Less than enough, just enough or more than enough?
24:05 How often does the Bible talk about money?
27:34 Hebrew words for prosperity: tov, chayil, berakah, tsalach
32:51 Greek words for prosperity: makarios, ploutos, eulogia
36:19 Bigger than wealth, not less than provision
39:33 Proverbs 10:22: the blessing of the Lord makes rich
40:31 Proverbs 13:22, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and David
42:34 Deuteronomy 8:18: the power to get wealth
43:51 Sufficiency, not comparison
45:54 My two grandfathers and the money that ran out
48:49 Winning in life God’s way (Plutarch)
50:34 What my dad passed down
53:25 The problem with generational wealth
55:02 2 Corinthians 8 and 9: all sufficiency
1:00:26 God wants to make us rich in two ways
1:01:24 What counts as a need?
1:03:26 The median American income vs. the world
1:06:25 Where does your lack of sufficiency come from?
1:08:22 Two definitions of biblical prosperity

Previous: 2.1 / Are God and money incompatible?
Next: 2.3 / If God wants you rich, why aren't you?

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Jesus told people to walk away from the most sacred thing they could do. Leave your sacrifice at the altar. Go be reconciled to your brother first. Then come back and offer it to God.

This is the weekly Bible study I do over Zoom with my friends, and we're in Matthew 5:21-26: anger, insults, grudges and what it takes to settle things quickly. You're joining us in the middle of the conversation.

Why would Jesus put anger next to murder?
A friend in the study said it simply: murder starts with anger. In culture we're concerned with the action. God is concerned with your heart, your motives, your intentions. People around us interpret our actions, but God interprets our intentions.

Why leave your gift at the altar?
To a Jew, nothing was more sacred than offering a sacrifice at the temple. Jesus says that if your brother has something against you, fix that first. Not if you have an issue with someone. If someone has an issue with you. That's how much relationships matter to God.

What's the hardest sacrifice?
It isn't money for the church or serving people you think deserve it. "The biggest sacrifice you will make in your life is giving up your right to be right."

Who should apologize first?
I should. Separate your intentions from your actions, own your part and apologize first. Forgive on the inside. Telling someone "I forgive you" when they never asked usually just makes them upset. As far as it depends on me, I'll live at peace with everyone. "You can decide to be my enemy, but I'm never going to be your enemy."

Scriptures
Matthew 5:21-26 · John 13:34-35 · Luke 10:25-37 · Romans 8:38-39 · John 1:14 · Romans 12:18 · Ephesians 4:26 · Matthew 7:3-5

Thinkers and books
R.T. Kendall, Total Forgiveness: you know you've forgiven someone when you don't have to tell anybody the story of how they hurt you
My dad: believe the best in people, especially when the worst has been displayed

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:51 A WIP bonus: Bible study over Zoom
1:20 What court is Jesus talking about?
4:08 Why would Jesus put anger next to murder?
6:06 God looks at the heart
6:34 Right intentions, wrong outcome
9:02 People interpret actions, God interprets intentions
12:13 Leave your gift at the altar
13:52 Brother, not just someone
16:27 What this means for how Christians treat culture
17:32 Loving people is how you love God
18:27 Love each other as I have loved you
24:45 Could anything stop me from loving you?
28:15 Settle your differences quickly
30:55 The hardest sacrifice: your right to be right
34:00 R.T. Kendall's Total Forgiveness
34:56 Love is the balance of grace and truth
37:40 Separate the action from the intention
42:16 Friends respond: forgiveness, blessing, boundaries
46:49 As far as it depends on you
49:13 Peace with someone, or peace about them
51:30 Quick to apologize, quick to forgive
54:01 Your problem will be with God's people
55:53 You can decide to be my enemy
1:03:22 Don't make people earn your love
1:05:07 Apologizing to my kids
1:06:28 Learning to play free
1:08:13 Deciding it wasn't personal
1:11:17 What following God cost my dad
1:13:38 All in on red
1:14:36 Outro

New episodes most weeks.
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Prosperity nearly destroyed that school. Prosperity also saved it.

How can the same thing do so much bad and so much good at the same time?

That's the question for Season 2 of The Dialog, a series on God and money. Not what the prosperity gospel says. Not what its critics say. What the Bible actually says about money, wealth, and winning in life God's way.

In this episode, I talk about where I've been and why I say no to so much. I also share the three priorities that run my life. And I give you the assumption I want you to start this season with: you're probably wrong. So am I. Let's find out where.

Don't take my word for it. Search it for yourself.

Scriptures
Ephesians 2:10 · John 14:6 · Matthew 7:13-14 · John 10:10 · Deuteronomy 8:18 · Isaiah 55:8-9 · Romans 11:33-36

People and ideas referenced
Erwin McManus: "I reserve the right to change my mind"
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves: we think we choose our friends, but God chooses them for us
Oral Roberts University: the 2007 crisis and the Green family's rescue
The 1964 Surgeon General's report on smoking

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:51 Why Season 2 took so long
4:12 Why I say no to so much
6:52 Get-tos, not have-tos
7:59 Ephesians 2:10: you are God's masterpiece
9:15 The three priorities that run my life
14:05 Season 2: what the Bible says about money
14:41 Does God only care about eternity?
16:05 Abundant life (John 14:6, John 10:10)
16:58 Broke or guilty about wealth? (Deuteronomy 8:18)
18:00 The Catholic Church and the vow of poverty
21:05 Growing up around the prosperity gospel
22:34 2007: the night ORU sent us to pray
23:33 A lawsuit, a resignation and $50 million in debt
25:10 The Green family's $62 million check
27:23 Oral Roberts' legacy and stewardship
29:20 Are God and money incompatible?
30:43 The prosperity gospel straw man
31:30 Start with Scripture, not what you were taught
32:26 Can anyone be unbiased?
33:25 My problem with debates
35:02 Safety of beliefs vs. adventure of truth
36:10 Why change travels slower than truth
39:18 Start with this assumption: you're probably wrong
40:00 Isaiah 55: God's thoughts are higher than ours
40:55 Romans 11:33-36: who can know the Lord's thoughts?
44:43 Questions, not conclusions
48:16 Next: Does God want me to be rich?

Previous: 1.43 / 39 lessons in 39 years (Season 1 finale)
Next: 2.2 / Does God want me to be rich? What the Bible actually says

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That's a battle. It isn't the whole story. Blessings and battles don't happen in different seasons. They happen together.

I turned 39 at the end of July, so for the Season 1 finale I'm giving you the 39 greatest lessons I've learned in 39 years. Socrates said the point of a dialog was to get you into a conversation with yourself. That's what I want this one to do. Season 1 has been a series of dialogs with my friend Nick Surface. For the finale, it's just me.

What's the key to success?
Faithfulness, even when it feels like it isn't working. At 23 I had my resignation letter written. That night I read Proverbs 3:3-4: "Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you... So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man." Faithfulness means you keep showing up tomorrow.

What is anxiety telling you?
I've trained myself to treat anxiety as a sign I'm focusing on what I can't control. What I can control comes down to my thoughts, my attitudes and my actions. And for those who love God, all things work together for good (Romans 8:28).

What does God care about most?
People are into talent. God is into character. In my reading of Scripture, He's less concerned with what you're doing than with who you're becoming.

Scriptures
Proverbs 3:3-6 · Matthew 5:33-37 · 1 Corinthians 3:6 · Romans 8:28 · John 1:1, 14 · Proverbs 29:18 · Colossians 3:23 · Proverbs 12:1 · Ecclesiastes 9:11 (quote: ESV)

Thinkers and books
Socrates · Seneca · Heraclitus and the Stoics · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations · Epictetus · Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way · Andy Stanley, Deep and Wide · Napoleon Hill

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:51 Back from an accidental hiatus
2:57 The book deal I didn't get
6:34 39 lessons in 39 years
8:55 The proof of application is adversity (Seneca)
13:49 1-3. Faithfulness, feelings and the long term
21:12 4-5. Pour your cup out, and who loves you for you
27:05 6-7. Anxiety and what you can't control
34:02 8-12. Blessings and battles, boundaries, friendship, trust
42:57 13-14. No opinion, and no such thing as average
48:53 15-20. Perspective, vision and stewardship
56:56 21-24. Coaching, happiness, your words, sowing seed
1:03:12 25-29. Battles, feedback and loving correction
1:09:24 30-33. People are into talent. God is into character.
1:13:47 34-38. Decisions, timing and trust
1:18:08 39. Push the envelope

Previous: 1.42 / Is manifesting biblical?
Next: 2.1 / Are God and money incompatible?

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We still do it. We just call it something else.

A guy DM'd me on Instagram and asked if we'd ever talk about manifesting. So Nick Surface and I did, and to answer it we had to go back to Mount Carmel, where Elijah asked Israel, "How long will you go limping between two different opinions?" (1 Kings 18:21)

Is manifesting biblical?
Manifesting says you are the source of your reality. That puts you on the throne. If you think you control your life, you don't worship God. You worship yourself. God isn't concerned with moving in your direction. He has a plan, and your decision is whether you'll be part of it.

Is prayer just Christian manifesting?
In one sense, yes. If you want to manifest something, pray about it. But prayer isn't a transaction. "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). Delight in Him, He changes the desires of your heart, and then He gives you what He wants for you.

Contract or covenant?
Nick put it this way: in a contract, you build the breakup before you ever break up. God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). You can't do enough good to make Him love you, or enough bad to make Him stop.

Scriptures
1 Kings 18:21 · Psalm 37:4 · Romans 5:8 · Romans 4:17 · Ecclesiastes 3:11 · Proverbs 18:21 · Proverbs 3:5-6 · Ezekiel 36:26 · Ephesians 3:20 · Luke 18:1-8 (quotes: ESV)

Thinkers and books
A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God · Arthur C. Clarke · Socrates and the sophists · Charles Capps

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Before we pressed record
4:12 What is manifesting?
5:10 We're created to worship (A.W. Tozer)
9:10 Worship is what you believe controls your life
10:12 Idolatry isn't just ancient: Baal, the storm god
13:01 Ancient worship was a transaction
15:29 Contract vs. covenant
18:34 Is any human love unconditional? (Romans 5:8)
23:56 Worshiping God and other gods
25:02 Elijah on Mount Carmel (1 Kings 18)
27:25 Baal and Asherah as an insurance policy
31:22 IVF, medicine and trusting God
33:39 What do we worship now?
36:53 What manifesting really claims
37:36 Prayer is Christian manifesting
40:20 Psalm 37:4: delight yourself in the Lord
44:27 The manifesting test: God's will or mine?
46:07 Romans 4 and the power of the tongue
49:22 We keep trying to do both (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Previous: 1.41 / What is the church for? 4 roles the Bible gives it
Next: 1.43 / 39 lessons in 39 years (Season 1 finale)

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When you say what the church should do, you're usually revealing what you should be doing at church.

Jesus made the vision of the church clear. Then He didn't tell us how to do it. My co-host Nick Surface and I pick up where Episode 40 left off: what the church is for, how to tell a principle from a method, and the one choice every follower of Jesus has to make about church.

What is the church for?
Scripture and history point to four key roles. Gather: ἐκκλησία (ekklēsia) means gathering (Hebrews 10:25). Worship: the tabernacle, מִשְׁכָּן (mishkan) in Hebrew, was the dwelling place of God's presence. Equip: like the synagogue, the church is where people are taught to live (Ephesians 4:11-12). Sacrifice: like the temple, it's where you give your time, talent and treasure the most (Romans 12:1). If a church does those four things, the rest is methodology.

What's the difference between a method and a principle?
My dad says it this way: methods are many, principles are few, methods always change, but principles never do. It's okay to reject a method. Rejecting the principle with it is throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Can you follow Jesus without a church?
Not according to Scripture. It's not biblical Christianity for it to be just you and your family and call that a church.

What if you can't find a church you like?
Shop around and pick one. If you can't find one, start one. There's no third option where you just critique the church.

Scriptures
Philippians 2:12 · Romans 12:1 · Acts 15:36-39 · Mark 7:1-13 · Deuteronomy 31:12 · Hebrews 10:25 · John 4:23-24 · Luke 4:16-21 · Deuteronomy 11:19 · Ephesians 4:11-12

Words and people
ἐκκλησία (ekklēsia): a gathering
מִשְׁכָּן (mishkan): the dwelling place of God's presence
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves: God chooses our friends for us
Josh's dad: methods are many, principles are few

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Jesus gave the vision, not the how
2:33 Love your enemy: whose interpretation is right?
3:33 Are house churches more biblical?
5:52 Three ways to govern a church
7:17 Why God left the method to us
8:19 ORU chapel and the ice cream shop
10:21 Every person is one of one
12:57 What are the must-haves of a church?
13:26 Can you follow Jesus without a church?
14:38 Methods are many, principles are few
15:17 There's no singles ministry in the Bible
16:18 Role 1: gather
17:27 Role 2: worship
18:36 Tabernacle, temple and synagogue
21:41 Role 3: equip
23:04 Role 4: sacrifice
24:30 What counts as sacrifice?
25:55 "Y'all need to do something about that"
27:20 Find a church or start one
28:14 Principles vs. methods

Previous: 1.40 / How should a church be run?
Next: 1.42 / Is manifesting biblical?

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Jesus said, "I will build my church." Then He handed it to people and never gave them an org chart. In this episode, my co-host Nick Surface and I talk through what the church is for, why every generation fights over how to do it, and how to tell a preference from a principle.

Are church traditions the same as biblical truth?
No. Traditions are preferences. Interpretations become opinions, and for a lot of people opinions quietly become truth. If the only way you hear from God is a sermon, a Bible study or a worship song, you have a relationship with that person's relationship with God. Read it for yourself.

Does the Bible tell us how to run a church?
Not in one verse. The Old Testament spells out the rules, down to the sacrifices. In the New Testament, Jesus gives the vision (discipleship, the Great Commission, the Great Commandment) and leaves the method to us. Scripture shows three leadership models: elder or board governance (Acts 15, 1 Timothy 5, Titus 1), congregational governance (1 Peter 2), and overseer or episcopal governance, from the Greek ἐπίσκοπος (episkopos). I see all three in the book of Acts.

Why did Jesus keep breaking the Pharisees' Sabbath rules?
The Pharisees built fences around the law. Mixing mud counted as work, so Jesus healed a man with mud on the Sabbath (John 9). Over and over, He showed them that what they built around the law was not the law itself.

Is the modern megachurch just the next tradition?
I think so. The screens-and-lights model of the early 2000s was built to reach new people, not to be comfortable. Thirty years later, a lot of churches keep it because it is comfortable. Someone is going to create the new model.

Scriptures
Exodus 33:18-19 · Matthew 5:16 · Ecclesiastes 7:10 · Matthew 16:18 · John 9:6 · Acts 15 · 1 Timothy 5 · Titus 1 · 1 Peter 2:9

Words and ideas
δόξα (doxa), glory: in Exodus 33, His glory is His goodness
ἐκκλησία (ekklēsia), church: called-out people with a shared purpose
ἐπίσκοπος (episkopos), overseer: where the word Episcopal comes from
Eruv: a wire around a city block so the block counts as "home" on the Sabbath

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Messi, LeBron and why we love watching greatness
3:38 What is God's glory? Doxa and Exodus 33
5:35 The church, Gen Z, house churches and megachurches
8:04 Ecclesiastes: don't romanticize the good old days
9:48 Create the future or get dragged into it
12:51 Success is pattern recognition (America at 250)
14:16 Are megachurches the new tradition?
16:26 Traditions are preferences: what is dogma?
17:51 Are you hearing someone else's version of God?
18:50 Carmen, Forest Frank and the nostalgia trap
22:20 The Pharisees' fences around the law (John 9)
23:48 What is an eruv? Legalism and the Sabbath
25:41 Why we build traditions, and why churches keep them
27:54 Does the Bible say how to run a church?
29:31 Elder boards vs congregational votes (Acts 15, 1 Peter 2)
31:14 Pastor-led churches and why nonprofits need boards
34:03 The episcopal model: Catholic, Anglican and the early church
35:32 So which church model is right?
37:20 Jesus gave the vision, not the method
38:24 Wrap-up

Previous: 1.39 / What do you do with feedback you don't want?
Next: 1.41 / What is the church for? 4 roles the Bible gives it

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My co-host Nick Surface has been a marketing consultant for ten years, and he says the hardest thing to do is convince somebody they need your product. You have to find a known need. That's where this dialog starts: what to do with feedback you don't want, and why how you say something matters as much as what you say.

What do you do with feedback you don't want?
Connect the dots. What my agent said, what people who love me had been telling me for five years, and what I'd spent my life avoiding all pointed at the same place I need to grow. Nobody else is going to connect those dots for you.

Does it matter how you deliver the truth?
Horse pills are real, and one is about the size of my hand. A lot of people have true, wonderful things to say, but they try to make human beings swallow a horse pill. People reject the message not because of its content but because of how it's put together. Jesus came full of grace and truth (John 1:14), and love is finding the balance between the two. Nick adds that it takes humility. Jesus met people where they were.

Why is binary thinking immature?
Most of life is not either/or. It's figuring out where you fall on a spectrum. Truth matters. Whether the message can be received matters too.

So what's the new book about?
Prosperity. A lot of people feel forced to choose between two bad options: the prosperity gospel, or the idea that poverty is a virtue, which is also unbiblical. The better question is the one that actually affects people's lives: does God really want me to be successful?

Scriptures
Zechariah 4:10 · Colossians 4:6 · John 1:14 · Luke 15:1-2

People
Alex Hormozi: a market has to have a known need
J.K. Rowling and Mark Victor Hansen (Chicken Soup for the Soul): the rejection stories everyone brings up

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 How do you sell medicine to someone who isn't sick?
1:36 Back to the drawing board on my book
2:12 Nick's marketing principles: find a known need
3:31 Months of work, then "this is probably not the book"
4:36 Publishers are a lot like retailers
5:02 Don't despise small beginnings
5:27 Connecting the dots in your feedback
6:46 You're paid to serve the client, not your vision
7:43 Politics: the message and the packaging
9:05 The horse pill problem: grace and truth
9:56 It takes humility (Jesus and the tax collectors)
10:54 Binary thinking is immature thinking
12:24 "A fine book, but probably not a good first book"
13:21 What about J.K. Rowling and Chicken Soup for the Soul?
14:36 The new book: prosperity
15:30 The prosperity gospel or poverty as a virtue?
16:15 A better question: does God want me to be successful?
16:51 You have to be the one who connects the dots
18:14 Wrap-up

Previous: 1.38 / Whatever you blame controls you
Next: 1.40 / How should a church be run?

New episodes most weeks.
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

My dad has always said, "Whatever you blame controls you." That sounds bad. But a lot of people prefer to be controlled by what they can't control, because if it's not your fault, the fix is not your responsibility either.

In this episode, my co-host Nick Surface and I talk about blame, fault and responsibility: the problem of evil, what to do with a dark week, why blaming your parents or the economy leaves you waiting on circumstances you can't control, and where meaning comes from. Nick also tells the story of a defining moment in his 20s, when he decided not to hand off ownership of his life.

Does it matter whose fault it is?
To an extent. But the more time you spend finding blame, the more you end up on the side of "I can't control this." Fault and responsibility always go hand in hand. As Nick puts it, even if it really was 100% your parents' fault, nothing changes until you take ownership.

Why would anyone choose to be powerless?
Because power comes with responsibility. Blame everything on what you couldn't control, and the only way things change is if circumstances change. Say "it's my fault," and you also get to say "it's my responsibility." That's where the fix starts.

If God is good, why is there so much evil?
The evil that atheist described is what people do to other people. The human heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). The cause is not the solution. The solution is Jesus, who changes who you are from the inside out.

How do you find meaning and purpose?
Zig Ziglar said don't be a wandering generality, be a meaningful specific. Take on more responsibility and find someone to add value to.

Scripture
Jeremiah 17:9

People and ideas
Josh's dad: "Whatever you blame controls you"
Zig Ziglar: wandering generality or meaningful specific

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Why blame is never the answer
2:02 If God allows evil, what are you doing about it?
2:36 The problem of evil is people (Jeremiah 17:9)
4:41 Without God, who decides what's evil?
5:42 Philosophy is reasoning with yourself
6:07 Getting through a hard week
7:43 The burden of knowing what to do
9:38 Wandering generality or meaningful specific?
11:16 Mental health and how you decide to think
11:56 Struggling? Go add value to someone
12:56 Ownership and Nick's defining moment
15:33 Whatever you blame controls you
16:46 Why we'd rather be powerless than powerful
18:53 How we're conditioned to be told what to do
20:16 Is this the life you want?
22:10 Your struggle becomes your kids' testimony
22:56 Give away responsibility, give away power

Previous: 1.37 / How do you stop negative self-talk?
Next: 1.39 / What do you do with feedback you don't want?

New episodes most weeks.
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

In my 20s I called my mom to complain about a client who critiqued a website they were paying me to build. She asked if I knew why I was so defensive. Then she answered for me: "Cuz you're insecure." She was right. The most defensive person is always the most insecure person.

In this episode, my co-host Nick Surface and I talk about negative self-talk, insecurity, self-awareness and the dark seasons that show up for no clear reason. We also get into why understanding a problem isn't the same as solving it, and why learning to lead yourself may be one of the most important skills you ever build.

How do you stop negative self-talk?
Erwin McManus says you're in your shadow whenever you're listening to yourself, and you're in the light whenever you're talking to yourself. Your default inner voice tends to run negative, so stop handing it the microphone. Cicero said philosophy teaches you to be a doctor to yourself.

Why are some people so defensive?
Defensiveness is usually protecting something. In my 20s any criticism or feedback cut me to the quick. The problem wasn't the feedback. It was insecurity.

Does finding the cause of a problem fix it?
Not by itself. Knowing the cause can help you avoid the problem in the future, and there's nothing wrong with therapy. But spend too much time fixated on why and you start looking for someone to blame. Nick pushes back on this one, so listen to both sides.

Why doesn't self-help work for everybody?
Saul's armor worked for Saul. It didn't work for David. The battles life hands you are uniquely yours, so you have to be the one who figures out the solutions.

Do you have to have an opinion about everything?
Marcus Aurelius said you always have the option of having no opinion. And having an opinion doesn't prove you know anything. The proof is the fruit of that opinion in your own life.

Scriptures
2 Corinthians 12:7-9 (Paul's thorn in the flesh) · 1 Samuel 17:38-39 (Saul's armor)

Thinkers and books
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations: you always have the option of having no opinion
Cicero: philosophy teaches you to be a doctor to yourself
Erwin McManus, The Seven Frequencies: every frequency has a shadow
Martin Seligman, Learned Optimism: discouragement feels permanent, pervasive and personal
Tony Robbins: "state change," the idea behind Nick's protocol for the mornings you wake up a one out of ten

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Do you need an opinion about everything? (Marcus Aurelius)
2:23 Opinions vs. fruit
3:55 Insecurity in your 20s and cringing at your old self
6:01 "You're defensive because you're insecure"
7:40 Are your best days behind you?
9:54 Depressive seasons with no trigger
12:48 Philosophy as a doctor to yourself (Cicero, 2 Corinthians 12)
14:46 Self-awareness and Learned Optimism
16:51 Is it your responsibility to lead yourself?
18:50 Erwin McManus, the Seven Frequencies and your shadow
19:52 Saul's armor and the problem with self-help
21:23 Does finding the cause of your problem matter?
22:21 Listening to yourself vs. talking to yourself
24:13 What self-talk actually is
26:42 What you understand is not reality
28:00 Fix the problem, stop looking for blame

Previous: 1.36 / Are you saying what people need to hear?
Next: 1.38 / Whatever you blame controls you

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That's what feedback really looks like. It's rarely about whether you're right. It's about whether people can receive what you're saying.

Nick Surface and I pick the book story back up from Episode 33. It's a story with a lesson, and it's a lesson trusted people in my life have been telling me for a couple of years.

Isn't a great idea enough?
No. My friend Erwin McManus told me, "You've done a great job thinking about what you want to say, which is really important, but what you don't think enough about is what people need to hear." What you say is always at the mercy of a person's level of understanding.

Why does so much networking feel transactional?
At my first youth pastors' conference I just wanted friends. A youth pastor with about 2,000 in his youth ministry asked me to swap speaking spots. When I told him I couldn't pay an honorarium, that was the last time I talked to him.

Why does alignment matter more than opportunity?
My dad says it's never about what you're doing, it's always about who you're with. So when the agency wanted to represent me long term, I signed for one book.

What do you do when trusted people keep giving you the same feedback?
You listen. This is the kind of book you write as your fifth book, once people trust your voice. I'm in a season of learning that.

People and books referenced
Erwin McManus: think less about what you want to say and more about what people need to hear
The Way to Live by Josh Craft: Josh's first book

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Closing the loop on feedback
1:48 What does a literary agent actually do?
3:51 "If you don't like it, go find someone else"
4:03 What Erwin McManus asked me
5:58 Your words are at the mercy of their understanding
7:19 Influence, approval and what counts as success
9:05 The game at church conferences
11:01 The youth pastor who wanted to swap
12:36 "How many are you running?"
14:13 The DM from a literary agent
16:15 If God wants to open a door, He will
18:06 "Why would you want me?"
19:27 Why I signed a one-book deal
20:03 Alignment beats opportunity
21:16 The partnership I didn't sign
23:20 Writing the book
24:56 When trusted voices keep saying the same thing
27:32 Three questions: What is truth? Who am I? What's my life for?
29:15 "Is this what people need to hear right now?"
30:15 "Great ideas, but no one will buy it"

Previous: 1.35 / Do you have to honor a leader you disagree with?
Next: 1.37 / How do you stop negative self-talk?

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We don't mean a leader doing something immoral or unethical. We mean a leader doing something you don't like and don't think will work. My co-host Nick Surface and I keep going on spiritual authority, right where Episode 34 ended.

Do you have to honor a leader you disagree with?
Hebrews 13:17 says to obey your leaders and submit to them, because they keep watch over your souls. My dad says it this way: we don't honor because they're honorable. We honor because we're honorable.

Why didn't David take the throne from Saul?
He was anointed, and he had more than one chance to take Saul's life. He wouldn't do it. As Nick puts it, spiritual authority comes down to one question: where is your trust?

Is it a principle issue or a preference issue?
Ask that before you leave. You can get over preferences. Deciding a church is bad because it isn't what you want is pride and entitlement.

Who holds leaders accountable?
God does, because nothing is more valuable to Him than a human soul. Find leaders you're willing to submit to. Then pray they stay submitted to God.

Scriptures
Hebrews 13:17 · Ephesians 6:1-3 · Psalm 51:17 · 1 Samuel 24 and 26 · 2 Samuel 15

Books and people
John Bevere, Under Cover
A Tale of Three Kings
Erwin McManus: fit the values, even if you don't fit the vision

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 How much should you hold your leaders accountable?
1:55 What does the Bible expect of leaders and followers?
2:51 When the leader isn't wrong, you just don't like it
3:17 Hebrews 13:17: obey your leaders and submit to them
4:41 "We don't honor because they're honorable"
6:27 No disclaimer for good parents (Ephesians 6)
8:23 Marriage, divorce and good justifications
10:15 God always holds authority accountable
11:38 Hold on: is that always true?
12:31 David was anointed and still honored Saul
13:18 Have a dream? Submit it to your leader
15:00 Where is your trust? (Jesus in the desert, David and Saul)
17:46 Every Bible hero had a terrible leader
19:21 Absalom and A Tale of Three Kings
21:28 You pick your leaders. Then you decide to honor them
22:19 The pastor is not God
24:08 Disagreeing with a leader you still honor
26:00 Fit the values, not the vision (Erwin McManus)
27:03 "My way or it's wrong" is entitlement
27:43 Principle or preference? (church financials)
29:07 "A pastor shouldn't talk about politics"
31:13 The follower's job and the leader's job (Hebrews 13:17)
32:33 Leaders answer to God for people's souls

Previous: 1.34 / How did the early church grow under persecution?
Next: 1.36 / Are you saying what people need to hear?

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And yet it still grew.

My co-host Nick Surface and I set out to talk about spiritual authority and started with the church itself.

How did early Christians respond to persecution?
Not by fighting in the streets or overthrowing the emperor. They rescued abandoned babies, fed the poor and nursed the sick during the Plague of Cyprian, at the risk of their own lives.

Has the church traded discipleship for crowds?
Billy Graham partnered with local churches so new believers would be discipled. Many churches copied the crowd instead. Following Jesus is simple, but simple and easy aren't the same thing.

Should every church run like a democracy?
That's the western delusion. Picking our leaders is a new gift, and not everything works that way.

If God establishes authority, who removes it?
Romans 9 says God put Pharaoh in place. David still called Saul God's anointed.

Scriptures
Matthew 28:19-20 · Luke 9:23 · Mark 6:6 · Matthew 8:5-10 · Romans 9:17-21 · 2 Samuel 1

Books
Watchman Nee, Spiritual Authority
John Bevere, Under Cover
A Tale of Three Kings

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Why we're starting on spiritual authority
1:51 Are people following pastors instead of joining churches?
3:19 Billy Graham and the churches that copied the crusade
4:38 The key function of the church is discipleship
5:47 Following Jesus isn't easy
6:19 Seeker sensitive: simple isn't the same as easy
7:23 Getting to pick your leaders is new
8:53 Is choice the supreme virtue?
11:48 Decius, Valerian and the persecution of Christians
14:20 And yet it still grew
16:23 Diocletian burns churches and Scripture
17:47 What it cost to copy the New Testament
20:00 How did the early Christians respond?
22:35 The Roman Empire's safety net (Plague of Cyprian)
24:38 They didn't fight for their rights
26:29 The two times Jesus was amazed
28:09 Romans 9: what do we do with evil authority?
30:33 The western delusion: every leader works like a democracy
32:29 Three biblical ways to lead a church
34:07 Parents: the first authority you don't choose
34:42 Saul, David and A Tale of Three Kings
36:11 The man who said he killed Saul (2 Samuel 1)
37:15 If God establishes authority, God removes it
37:54 How does a child hold a parent accountable?
39:20 The question we pick up next time

Previous: 1.33 / What is your fatal flaw? The Greek word behind sin
Next: 1.35 / Do you have to honor a leader you disagree with?

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My co-host Nick Surface and I start with the DM that kicked off my book story, then follow one Greek word back to Aristotle: ἁμαρτία (hamartia), the fatal flaw. It's the same word the New Testament uses for sin.

What is ἁμαρτία (hamartia)?
In Aristotle's Poetics, it's a protagonist who makes a mistake that creates a chain of events that leads to disaster. That's how sin works. You think you're making a good decision, and you can't see how it's going to work out.

What are the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life?
Three appetites we'll always have (1 John 2:16). The lotus eaters forgot home for comfort. Pandora's curiosity opened the jar. Icarus flew into the sun.

Is the answer to just stop sinning?
No. Order your appetites. The antidote is worship, and worship is a life of spiritual submission (John 4).

Can you blame the devil?
We'll admit our capacity for evil. What's hard to admit is that I don't just have a capacity for evil. I have a desire for evil (Jeremiah 17:9).

Scriptures
Luke 4 · 1 John 2:16 · John 4 · Romans 3:23 · Jeremiah 17:9 · Romans 7 · Matthew 23:25-26 · Psalm 51:10 · Isaiah 6 · Ecclesiastes 1:2 · Psalm 139:14

Thinkers and books
Aristotle, Poetics · Homer, The Odyssey · John Bevere, Under Cover · Watchman Nee, Spiritual Authority

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 The DM from a literary agent
2:44 Why my first answer was no
4:11 Your 1%
5:00 Jesus didn't come to do His own thing
7:40 The three temptations (Luke 4)
8:22 Built different? The pride of life
9:29 Aristotle and hamartia
11:04 Does sin mean "missing the mark"?
12:10 The lotus eaters
14:33 "Sin will take you further than you want to go"
14:52 Pandora's jar
17:51 Icarus
18:43 Body, soul and spirit
20:20 Order your appetites
21:18 The woman at the well
22:33 Hungry, or just thirsty?
23:21 The antidote is worship
24:25 Do Christians blame the devil too much?
27:16 The secret of David
28:08 Why admitting sin is countercultural
29:41 Capacity or desire for evil?
30:40 Jeremiah 17
32:04 Your nature and your appetites
34:18 The Greek word for worship
35:59 Worship when no one's watching
38:32 Why more never fills you up
41:33 Am I a worm?
42:54 Two tests
43:23 Asking permission to start a church
46:48 "The world needs your voice"
49:42 Two books on spiritual authority

Previous: 1.32 / Why do people stop giving you feedback?
Next: 1.34 / How did the early church grow under persecution?

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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

Most people never get there. The number one reason people stop giving you feedback is that they don't think you want to change. My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about the filter everyone hears through, what maturity sounds like in a conversation, and how God corrects us before anyone else has to.

Why do people stop giving you feedback?
They believe you can change. They don't think you want to. And we don't listen because we don't really believe we have the power to change. Maybe we can't change ourselves, but God can change us (Romans 12:2).

Why doesn't what you said match what they heard?
What you say is always at the mercy of a person's level of understanding. You're never talking to the person. You're talking to their filter.

What's the mark of a mature person?
Clarifying questions. Immature people believe what they understood equals what you said. A mature person asks, "Here's what I heard you say. Is that what you said?"

What is the conviction of the Holy Spirit?
God talking to you about something nobody else knows, and giving you a chance to fix it without having it exposed to the whole world. A wise person gives themselves feedback before anyone else becomes aware of it.

Scriptures
Romans 12:2 · Matthew 25:21

Books
Primal Leadership: why leaders don't receive feedback well

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 What you say vs. what they understand
1:06 Same values, different delivery
2:16 "You're talking to their filter"
2:49 The mark of maturity: clarifying questions
3:39 Why money sermons get misheard
4:35 When the correction suddenly stops
6:18 What is the conviction of the Holy Spirit?
7:14 Noticing the hurt before anyone says it
8:27 Hurting people without knowing it
9:28 Catch it before it blows up
11:24 Parent out of principle, not preference
11:56 The rabbit and "faithful over little"
14:22 Growing into self-correction
14:55 The right thing said the wrong way
15:44 Is your identity in your preferences?
16:20 "I don't like people"
18:15 Identity: beliefs, vision and values
19:44 "I don't need a lot of people, but I need people"
19:58 Primal Leadership
21:13 Do you believe you can change?
21:59 Why people stop giving you feedback
22:46 When your spouse stops bringing it up
24:13 They stopped correcting you. Here's why.
25:20 God surrounds us with correction

Previous: 1.31 / Why do we hate being corrected?
Next: 1.33 / What is your fatal flaw? The Greek word behind sin

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Most of us never grow out of that. We say we want feedback. We want positive feedback.

Proverbs is blunt about it: a wise person loves correction, and it's stupid to hate correction. My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about why correction is so hard to hear, why insecurity and arrogance are the same problem, and how to take feedback without feeling like your whole identity is on trial.

If wisdom is everywhere, why aren't more people wise?
Because wisdom comes through correction. You become a wise person by being correctable, and most people are really bad at receiving correction.

What's the difference between ignorance and stupidity?
Ignorance is when you don't know the right thing to do. Stupidity is when someone points it out and you decide to stay ignorant anyway.

Are insecurity and arrogance the same problem?
Yes. Pride is a spectrum with arrogance on one side and insecurity on the other, and both make life about you. Humility is making it not about you.

How do you take correction without feeling attacked?
Separate your behavior from your identity. Correction is about how your behavior affects someone, not who you are. And when you know God loves you perfectly, being told you're not good at something is just something to work on.

Scriptures
Proverbs 1:20 · Proverbs 12:1 · James 1:5 · Hebrews 12:5 · Jeremiah 17:9 · Philippians 2:5-7

People and ideas
Socrates: having his flaws pointed out served him
Ken Blanchard: feedback is the breakfast of champions
Erwin McManus: know what people need to hear

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Writing a book in nine months
5:53 Why Josh hates marketing
6:55 What do people need to hear?
7:36 Leadership rises and falls on communication
9:20 People judge books by their covers
10:49 Authentic almost to a fault
11:51 Getting comfortable being wrong
12:15 Feedback is the breakfast of champions
13:20 Why aren't more people wise?
14:14 Wisdom comes through correction
15:28 Ignorance vs. stupidity
16:26 We want validation, not correction
17:03 Why do we push correction away?
17:49 It's pride
18:55 What marriage teaches you about feedback
20:09 Humility the way Jesus lived it
20:43 Arrogance and insecurity are both about you
21:57 Behavior, not identity
22:50 God's perfect love
25:21 Can you change how you do relationships?
28:43 "That's just who I am"
29:38 No two kids have the same parents
31:01 Sent doesn't mean received

Previous: 1.30 / How do you live with uncertainty?
Next: 1.32 / Why do people stop giving you feedback?

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So why would we expect the world to be less complex than our own bodies?

Most people aren't afraid of uncertainty because they doubt truth exists. They're afraid of where a question might lead. My co-host Nick Surface and I pick up where Episode 29 left off: why we crave simple answers, what you can actually be certain about, and why so many of the things we argue over don't change how we live.

What can you be certain about?
Your search for truth, and the principles you live by. The Bible isn't a science textbook, but it's a map to navigate your life with. Some things are always right, always good and always true.

Do debates about evolution or the rapture matter?
Ask how knowing it affects how you live. Nick pushes back: if you really believed Jesus was coming back, it would change how you live. If it does, talk about it. If it doesn't, why fight about it?

How can a person be truth?
Augustine said that if truth is the highest thing, truth is God. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." He represents the truest way to live.

Scriptures
1 Samuel 3 · Romans 1:20 · 2 Peter 3:8 · John 14:6

People and ideas
Socrates: people fear questions because they think there are no answers
Augustine: if truth is the highest thing, truth is God
Erwin McManus: "I reserve the right to change my mind"

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 God speaks to people differently
1:22 Why you have to embrace uncertainty
1:59 Your body is more complex than you think
3:01 When you drift from truth, feelings get louder
4:05 Nobody wants to be wrong
5:25 Why people are scared of questions
6:15 Tell me how to be happy in a 30-second reel
6:59 The sun, the brain and the air you breathe
8:40 Demanding simple answers misses the miracle
9:34 Two challenges
10:37 A national park, a map and the Bible
11:35 Be certain about how you make decisions
12:07 Always right, always good, always true
12:38 Principles are everywhere
13:39 Intelligent design and evolution
15:00 Pre-trib or post-trib?
16:09 Where certainty belongs: principles
17:09 Augustine: truth is God
17:27 How can a person be truth?
18:37 I reserve the right to change my mind
19:20 False beliefs don't produce fruit
20:26 Disagree without making it personal

Previous: 1.29 / Do you want the truth, or just to feel right?
Next: 1.31 / Why do we hate being corrected?

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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

We got that comment after I said, talking about money a few episodes back, that I don't believe a person who doesn't tithe should consider themselves a Christian. The comment doesn't bother me. But notice what it argues about. Not whether tithing is biblical. Whether I'm greedy.

So do you actually want the truth, or do you just want to feel right? My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about why the most defensive people are usually the most insecure, why we attack the person instead of the argument, and why truth gets complex the moment you take it seriously.

Why are people so defensive about their beliefs?
The most defensive people are usually the most insecure. When you put your identity into your beliefs, a question about the belief feels like an attack on you.

What do you do when your beliefs don't line up with the Bible?
My theology professor said you have a decision to make: throw out your beliefs or throw out the Bible. For me, I'm going to throw out my beliefs.

Why do we attack the person instead of the argument?
Ad hominem attacks are normal now. We guess at motives and never get to whether the position is true.

Why do we want everything to be simple?
Certainty makes us feel good, and a lot of times certainty is just another word for simplicity. If you want to live according to truth, you can't eliminate complexity. You have to learn how to embrace it.

Scriptures
Matthew 6:21 · John 8:32 · John 18:38 · Romans 7:15-20 · Acts 17:27 · Job 1:12

People and ideas
Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion · Bart Ehrman · Pontius Pilate's "What is truth?" · Josh's dad: frustration is a God-given emotion

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 The tithing line that started this
2:57 "You reek of greed"
5:41 Who decides who's a Christian?
7:05 Why this podcast exists
8:24 The most defensive are the most insecure
9:15 What does "God has a great plan" mean?
10:40 Where the argument against God breaks down
12:52 Throw out your beliefs or the Bible?
15:48 Your frustration is a clue to your purpose
18:13 Attack the argument, not the person
22:29 Civics vs. politics
25:15 Simple answers to complex issues
27:49 "What is truth?"
28:21 Three questions, in this order
30:23 Why we crave certainty
32:05 Tribalism
34:24 Everyone is a mix
36:14 You can't eliminate complexity
38:55 Certainty is another word for simplicity
39:16 A Buddhist monk and an imam
42:12 God reaches each person differently

Previous: 1.28 / How to stop people pleasing: choose who you'll disappoint
Next: 1.30 / How do you live with uncertainty?

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That sentence changed my life.

There's what you want to do, what people need you to do, and what God's called you to do. Most days they don't line up. My co-host Nick Surface and I pick up where Episode 27 left off and talk about what happens when you realize it was never about you.

How do you stop being a people pleaser?
Choose who you're willing to disappoint. If you try to meet everybody's needs, you don't become sacrificial. You become a martyr.

Can you disappoint someone and still love them?
Jesus disappointed people (John 6). The more you grow in love, the better you get at knowing what people actually need instead of what they're asking for.

What if following Jesus means doing what you don't want to do?
In Gethsemane, Jesus prayed, "not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). If I follow Him, I should expect moments like that. Epictetus said life is a play: you don't get to decide your part, just whether you play it well.

What is God's will for my life?
Not a job title, an amount of money or a position. God is concerned with who we're becoming (Romans 12:2).

Scriptures
Luke 22:42-44 · John 6:53-68 · Luke 24:13-21 · Philippians 2:5-7 · Genesis 22 · Romans 12:2

People and ideas
Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning · Epictetus · Josh's mom: choose who you're willing to disappoint · Josh's dad: you never fail if you learn

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Maturity starts when it's not about you
3:24 What you want, what people need, what God wants
5:45 "It really isn't about you"
6:18 Does following Jesus mean a miserable life?
8:16 Did you do what everyone needed?
10:32 "Choose who you're willing to disappoint"
12:41 Jesus disappointed people too
13:55 What people ask for vs. what they need
14:50 Playing Jesus on Good Friday
16:28 Pour yourself out without people pleasing
18:41 You don't pick your part
20:31 Relinquish outcomes
21:00 Play your part
22:07 God's will isn't a job title
24:27 "You never fail if you learn"
25:43 Faithfulness: would you still show up?
28:04 Working with my dad for almost 20 years
28:28 "Decide" means to cut off
31:24 A selfish story makes your world smaller
32:17 What's the God answer here?

Previous: 1.27 / How to stop letting your past define you
Next: 1.29 / Do you want the truth, or just to feel right?

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My dad wrote about this in his book: most people ask how a moment defined them, but we're the ones who define what the moments mean. My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about memory, the story you tell yourself about your past, and why it shapes the decisions you make today.

Are your memories accurate?
I don't remember facts. I remember things through my filter. The past doesn't exist anymore, so the only thing that exists about it is what I think about it.

Why do you make the decisions you make?
I heard Erwin McManus say every decision you make in the present comes from how you perceive your future. And that picture comes from how you interpret your past.

Can you just decide your past didn't happen?
Don Draper tries in Mad Men, and it leaves him with massive cognitive dissonance. Nick's take: God has written His law on our hearts.

Why can't some people take responsibility?
Owning one thing means looking back at everything else. Underneath is a fear of not being enough, and only God's love answers it.

Scriptures
Romans 2:15 · 1 Timothy 4:2

People and ideas
Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way · C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity · Black Mirror, "The Entire History of You" · Mad Men · Tony Robbins · Josh's dad: we define the moments

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 An invite from Erwin McManus
5:12 Why talk about defining moments?
6:45 Do moments define you, or do you define them?
7:52 Why most defining moments are negative
8:24 How emotion burns a memory in
10:40 Your beliefs didn't just happen
12:12 The past only exists in what you think about it
13:06 Black Mirror: "The Entire History of You"
14:28 You remember through a filter
17:15 Your picture of the future drives your decisions
18:11 A negative lens makes the future worse
19:43 Where does your conscience come from?
20:09 Mad Men and pretending it didn't happen
21:59 The law written on our hearts
23:05 Living as if your past didn't happen
26:29 The stories we tell ourselves
27:35 The friend who can't take responsibility
31:17 Two fears: not enough and not loved
33:41 At 38, less figured out than ever
34:37 You're the villain in someone's story
35:50 The only unconditional relationship
38:51 Take people as a whole person
42:04 Want a hard life? Make it about you
42:48 Are you the main character?
44:07 When a moment is about other people

Previous: 1.25 / Is tithing biblical today?
Next: 1.28 / How to stop people pleasing: choose who you'll disappoint

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Most of us don't lack information. We lack application. My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about the gap between what we say we believe and how we actually live, and money is where that gap shows up first. We look at what the Old Testament says about prosperity and whether the tithe still matters today. Not the minimum. Alignment.

Is tithing just an Old Testament law?
No. The first tithe predates the law. Abraham gave a tenth to Melchizedek (Genesis 14:18-20) long before Moses. Hebrews 7 picks that thread back up, and Jesus told the Pharisees they were careful to tithe without ever telling them to stop (Matthew 23:23).

What is the New Testament standard of giving?
In Acts 2 and Acts 4 the church sold land and property and gave until there were no needs among them. If the tithe feels too Old Testament, that's the New Testament standard.

Is knowing the Bible enough?
Paul said knowledge puffs up but love builds up (1 Corinthians 8:1). Love is the application of knowledge. A person who doesn't apply what they learn is no better off than a person who never learned it.

Does the Bible say God wants His people to prosper?
Job, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were all blessed with wealth, and Proverbs 10:22 says the blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow with it. But prosperity as the reason you follow God is different from prosperity as the result.

Why is "what's the minimum?" the wrong question?
God is already pleased with you because of grace. The tithe isn't a ticket to heaven. It's the minimum standard of honoring God financially, and where your treasure is, your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21).

Scriptures
1 Corinthians 8:1 · Proverbs 10:22 · Genesis 14:18-20 · Hebrews 7 · Matthew 23:23-26 · Matthew 6:21 · Acts 2:44-45 · Acts 4:32-35

Thinkers and books
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity: a child buying his father a present with his father's money
God and Money (book)

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Coffee, and back to prosperity
2:24 Why so few Christians have a biblical worldview
3:56 The problem isn't hearing the gospel, it's opinions about it
5:52 Is it knowledge or application?
7:12 Everybody knows the answer (a cholesterol story)
8:12 Knowledge puffs up, love builds up (1 Corinthians 8:1)
11:14 Were Bible characters poor? Job, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob
13:19 Four Hebrew words for wealth in the Old Testament
14:52 Proverbs 10:22: the blessing of the Lord makes rich
15:42 Prosperity as the reason vs. the result
16:03 Why we judge wealthy people's motives
19:20 Is prosperity a sign you're doing life God's way?
21:14 Why so many Christians give nothing
23:19 Is tithing biblical in the New Testament?
26:03 The first tithe came before the law (Abraham and Melchizedek)
28:11 "What's the minimum?" How far is too far
28:51 Grace, eternity and the quality of this life
30:28 The tithe as the minimum standard of honor
32:26 Honoring God first, and C.S. Lewis on gifts to God
33:33 Where your treasure is (Matthew 6:21)
34:24 "Tithing is Old Testament": a conversation in the lobby
35:20 How much can I keep? The spectrum of giving
36:38 Thanks for being part of The Dialog

Previous: 1.24 / Trusting God when you can't control the outcome
Next: 1.27 / How to stop letting your past define you

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Nick says he never felt fear. He told every doctor she would walk out the front door of that hospital, and she did. We set prosperity aside this week, and my co-host Nick Surface and I talk about trusting God when the outcome isn't yours to control.

Why do we always imagine the worst?
We picture a horrible outcome, tell ourselves we couldn't handle it, then treat it as the most likely one. The question I come back to is: what am I going to do right now?

Do you need certainty to have faith?
No. In 1 Samuel 14, Jonathan tells his armor-bearer, "Perhaps the Lord will help us." Fear is a negative expectation of the future. Faith is a positive one.

How do you start?
Seek God with your whole heart, get your heart in neutral, and start small: lions and bears before giants.

Scriptures
Psalm 121 · Joshua 1:9 · James 1:2 · Psalm 139 · Hebrews 11:1 · 1 Samuel 14:6-7 · Ephesians 2:10 · Jeremiah 29:13

People and ideas
The Stoics · Steve Prefontaine · Tony Robbins · Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God · Josh's dad: faith is divine risk

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 A change of plans
2:02 A 50-mile ultramarathon on a 96-degree day
5:31 The hospital and a doctor who stepped in
6:30 What happened in the hospital
7:34 "God knew the whole time"
8:17 Psalm 121 on the way to the ER
10:36 Be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9)
13:48 "This was a training moment"
14:57 Count it all joy (James 1:2)
17:29 Grace, gratitude and joy in the Greek
19:05 The antidote to anxiety is gratitude
20:14 Psalm 139: God's hand on your life
24:47 Grace you can't earn, faith you live by
27:14 Joy is a knowing, not a feeling
29:02 Psalm 103 and an eternal perspective
33:44 Fear is a future-focused emotion
34:55 Waiting for the other shoe to drop
39:36 What a bad training run teaches about fear
42:10 Why the worst outcome feels most likely
44:47 What am I going to do right now?
45:55 Hebrews 11 and a search for certainty
47:51 Whatever you honor, you get more of
53:18 1 Samuel 14: "Perhaps the Lord"
54:26 Don't sacrifice the gift
1:01:32 Fear and faith are both expectations
1:05:03 Everything matters, even a normal day
1:06:58 Ephesians 2:10 and the good works ahead
1:08:49 Faith as divine risk
1:12:19 How do you start living this way?
1:13:31 Two weeks of money left
1:15:09 Your heart in neutral
1:16:32 Brother Lawrence and the presence of God
1:18:28 Start with the Gospel of John
1:19:49 Interrupted by grace

Previous: 1.23 / Where did your beliefs about money come from?
Next: 1.25 / Is tithing biblical today?

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Then he said something I've never forgotten: "If your beliefs don't line up with the Bible, you throw out your beliefs. You don't throw out the Bible."

My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about tradition versus truth, and why money is where it shows up most.

What is a tradition?
A belief that gets handed down to people as a law. Traditions aren't bad. They make us feel safe. But nobody sits down at Thanksgiving and asks, "Do we like this food?" Put bluntly, traditions are peer pressure from dead people.

What's the difference between a belief and the truth?
Truth is true whether you believe it or not. The trouble starts when we raise our beliefs to the level of truth (Mark 7:13).

Where did your beliefs about money come from?
Probably not Scripture. Most of us got them from how we were raised, our culture, our parents and the movies we watched. And "money is the root of all evil" isn't what the Bible says (1 Timothy 6:10).

How do you test what you believe?
Does it produce good outcomes in your life? Is it reflected in what Scripture teaches? Don't just take my word for it. Do the work.

Scriptures
Mark 7:1-23 · 1 Timothy 6:10 · 1 Corinthians 9:16 · Genesis 1:28 · Proverbs 13:22 · Deuteronomy 28:6, 12 · John 10:10

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
1:25 Why prosperity is such a battleground
4:25 Not the prosperity gospel, not a poverty gospel
7:04 Everyone learned a model of money growing up
7:30 "Money is the root of all evil" isn't what the Bible says
12:21 Why does the Bible talk about money so much?
13:21 The problem is tradition (Mark 7)
14:59 Thanksgiving food and the power of tradition
17:32 Traditions are peer pressure from dead people
19:49 What's the difference between a belief and the truth?
20:35 What does prosperity actually mean?
22:42 Where your beliefs about money really come from
25:17 Don't just take my word for it
28:36 What beliefs about money hold people back?
31:21 Abundant life (John 10:10)
33:20 Tithing your whole life and still broke?
34:22 "Cleanliness is next to godliness" isn't in the Bible
36:35 Is the Bible changing your life?

Previous: 1.22 / How do you hold conviction without losing compassion?
Next: 1.24 / Trusting God when you can't control the outcome

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My co-host Nick Surface and I start with hot-button issues and the question under all of them: which ones are principles, and which are preferences? Then Nick asks the harder one. When you're divided on principle, what does love look like?

What does it mean that Jesus came with grace and truth?
It's by grace that we're saved (Ephesians 2:8), and the truth sets us free (John 8:32). You need both. Love is the balance between them.

Is "I'm just being honest" the same as love?
Usually not. Being blunt helps the people who know I care about them. Everyone else feels criticized and judged, and they stop listening.

What did God show Moses when he asked to see His glory?
His goodness (Exodus 33:19). God described Himself first as "the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness" (Exodus 34:6, NIV). So how do we show that goodness to people we disagree with?

How do you change a culture you don't like?
Start with yourself. You won't reproduce what you believe. You'll reproduce how you live.

Scriptures
John 1:14 · Ephesians 2:8 · John 8:32 · Romans 2:4 · Matthew 5:14-16 · Genesis 29 · Exodus 33:18-19 · Exodus 34:6-7 · 1 Peter 2:9-10 · Numbers 14

People and writings
Billy Graham: God judges, the Holy Spirit convicts, we love
R.T. Kendall: whose approval are you after?
Dennis Waitley: how you see yourself
Hippolytus: how the early church ran

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Which issues are principles, not preferences?
2:42 What God recognizes vs. what a government recognizes
4:38 How did Jacob marry the wrong bride?
9:43 A secure identity doesn't need outside approval
11:40 "Was that okay?" Getting off stage insecure
14:22 How do you love people you differ with on principle?
16:29 Jesus came with grace and truth
17:54 God judges, the Spirit convicts, we love
19:15 "I'm just being honest," or just unfiltered?
21:55 Why you need both grace and truth
24:50 How the early church ran
28:17 "Show me your glory" (Exodus 33-34)
29:20 Has anyone been ranted into life change?
31:41 Moses stands in the gap
33:17 Nice or kind?
34:54 You reproduce how you live
37:42 Teach what you know, produce what you are

Previous: 1.21 / What did your opinion cost you?
Next: 1.23 / Where did your beliefs about money come from?

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One line from this dialog became its title: your opinion is only as valuable as the price paid to form it.

What makes one opinion worth more than another?
The price someone paid to form it. If you served in the military, I value what you have to say about war. Nick adds a fair check: serving doesn't automatically make you an expert either. You still have to ask how well formed an opinion is.

What's the cheapest price you can pay?
Probably an intellectual one: "I went and read a book." A lot of people don't even pay that.

What's the difference between a belief and a conviction?
A belief is something you like and want other people to agree with. A conviction is something you would die for. Most people wouldn't die for their beliefs.

Can a preference become a conviction?
Some people turn everything into a principle. Others decide nothing is a principle, because everything is a preference. Most people just aren't clear on their principles.

Does compromise work?
I think compromise builds great families and great societies. It works on preferences. When a conflict is ideological or spiritual, you're disagreeing in principle.

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Better coffee and an unverified internet rumor
2:37 Stumbling through the last episode
3:35 Can compromise really work?
4:23 Sure of it until you try to explain it
5:29 Why you need someone to poke holes in what you think
6:59 Beliefs vs. convictions
7:49 A conviction is something you'd die for
8:54 Losing friends over preferences
9:40 Your opinion is only as valuable as the price paid to form it
10:42 The cheapest price you can pay
12:18 Most opinions cost nothing
13:52 Can a preference become a conviction?
14:41 Two extremes: everything's a principle, or nothing is
15:14 When the conflict is ideological and spiritual
21:57 A caveat: the people you actually know
24:01 What tolerance does and doesn't mean
26:42 A disagreement you can sit down and solve
27:15 The founders disagreed and still agreed on principle

Previous: 1.20 / Have we confused our preferences with principles?
Next: 1.22 / How do you hold conviction without losing compassion?

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Jesus said a life works the same way: hear His words and do them, and you're building your house on the rock (Matthew 7:24-27). My co-host Nick Surface asked me what I mean by "principles over preferences," and this dialog is my answer.

What are core values?
The criteria you use to make decisions. You already have them. The question is whether yours are good ones.

What's the difference between a principle and a preference?
A principle is always right, always good and always true. For me, Scripture is how I measure that. A preference is how you do something. A principle is why.

Why do bands, partnerships and churches split?
Most of the time it's preferences, not principles. The Beatles agreed on the music. After Brian Epstein died, the arguments started over managers and songwriting credit.

How do you stay close to people with different preferences?
Look at the fruit. My dad and I have very different preferences, but I want the fruit of his life for my kids.

Scriptures
Matthew 7:24-27 · Matthew 7:3-5 · Jeremiah 17:9

Thinkers
Aristotle: limited goods and unlimited goods, as I use the idea here
C.S. Lewis: wickedness is the pursuit of some good in the wrong way

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 What does "principles over preferences" mean?
2:11 Core values are the criteria you use to decide
3:19 Limited goods vs. unlimited goods (Aristotle)
5:49 The house on the rock (Matthew 7)
7:00 Why my house needed 17 piers
9:48 Living by preferences is building on sand
10:30 Did Yoko Ono really break up the Beatles?
13:07 What really divides a country?
15:37 "The human heart is desperately wicked" (Jeremiah)
16:17 Compromise and the Declaration of Independence
17:49 C.S. Lewis: wickedness is good pursued the wrong way
20:12 Honor, humility, excellence, generosity
21:48 All of us are wrong on some level (the speck and the log)
24:58 Who decides what's always right, good and true?
26:37 Same principles, different preferences
27:49 Preferences are how. Principles are why.
28:23 The danger of assuming someone's motive
29:16 How where you grew up shapes your preferences
30:13 When everything becomes a principle
31:22 When principles can't be reconciled
33:04 Where to draw a line in the sand
35:14 Different preferences, same principles
35:56 Look at the fruit

Previous: 1.19 / Should Christians set goals? Process vs. outcome
Next: 1.21 / What did your opinion cost you?

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So are you focused on the process or the outcome? Nick makes the case for plans and goals. I'm not really a goal setter. Between us sits Proverbs 16:9: "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps" (NLT).

Should Christians set goals?
Nick says yes: no plan survives first contact, and the SEAL teams plan every time anyway. Where I land: set the outcome goal, then get focused on the process. Jim Rohn said it's who you become on the way.

What is God's will for your life?
Romans 12:2 says to let God transform you by changing the way you think. God's will for you isn't an outcome. It's transformation.

What's the right question to ask?
Not what do I have to do to reach the goal. What kind of person do I have to become to maximize who I am?

Why doesn't God show you the whole plan?
If He showed you step 10, you wouldn't be mature enough for it yet. What I do is not up to me. Who I am is up to me.

Scriptures
Proverbs 16:9 · Proverbs 19:21 · Romans 12:2 · 1 Chronicles 22:8 · James 4:13-15 · Acts 17:26-27 · Exodus 12:40

Thinkers and stories
Jim Rohn · C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien · Marcus Aurelius · The Epic of Gilgamesh · Kobe Bryant · Quincy Jones and Thriller

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 When the plan blows up anyway
1:57 Five kids was never the plan
2:55 Many are the plans in a man's heart
5:07 God's will is transformation
5:29 Is planning still worth it?
7:08 Obsessed with outcomes, or with control?
7:56 Deo volente: God willing
8:28 Jim Rohn: who you become
9:30 Kobe Bryant and loving the process
10:56 Does God care what I'm doing?
12:24 Placed in a time and place
15:19 The Epic of Gilgamesh
17:05 C.S. Lewis and the one true myth
18:03 How much does my plan matter?
19:36 Sovereignty and responsibility
20:37 The plans of mice and men
21:29 Doesn't this make you cynical?
22:25 Gladiator and Marcus Aurelius
24:28 The right question
26:55 Open doors and closed doors
28:02 A film degree
29:02 Isn't that outcome-based?
31:08 Leave room for God
32:21 What I do vs. who I am
32:47 Nick's soccer coaching story
34:14 Hate losing more than you love winning
35:43 Deciding your whole life at 18
37:03 Ten years of work, then it was over
40:08 Pursue excellence, measure maturity
41:37 Trust God with the future
43:01 Why God doesn't show you step 10

Previous: 1.18 / What does the Bible say about leadership?
Next: 1.20 / Have we confused our preferences with principles?

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Leadership works the same way. Hebrews 13:17 says leaders keep watch over your souls. If you lead anyone, a family, a team, a company or a men's group, God has made you responsible for more than results.

My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about that weight: why bad leadership is so common, what leadership looks like in a marriage, and how to get the mission done without losing the people.

What does Hebrews 13:17 mean?
The scary part is the middle: they keep watch over your souls. If you lead anyone, you're keeping watch over their mind, will and emotions, and you'll answer to God for it.

Why is bad leadership so common?
The question is not does it work for you. It's does it work for other people. No bad leader sets out to be one. They just never think about the kind of leader they are.

Do you need a title to lead?
When I complained about a bad leader, my dad asked, "Well, what do you do to help that?" You don't need a title to care for people.

Mission or morale?
Mission is taking the mountain. Morale is everybody getting up it. The right balance is the right application at the right time.

Scriptures
Hebrews 13:17 · Matthew 25:21 · Proverbs 29:2 · 1 Samuel 8 · Ephesians 5:22-25 · Genesis 2:18 · John 15:26

Thinkers and books
Erwin McManus · Ed Catmull, Creativity, Inc. · Jim Rohn · Dwight Eisenhower

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 The weight of the decisions you make
1:31 Faithful in a little, ruler over much
2:35 Hebrews 13:17: they keep watch over your souls
3:48 Bad leaders and the motorcycle sidecar
5:34 Erwin McManus: where do they need to go?
7:46 Is democracy God's way?
9:08 A Yankees hat at Bible college in the UK
10:39 A king as God's concession (1 Samuel 8)
11:10 Jim Rohn: I'll take care of me for you
12:15 Short-term and long-term thinking in marriage
13:52 Creativity, Inc.: the handle and the suitcase
14:28 Wives submit, husbands sacrifice (Ephesians 5)
15:13 Carrying the weight of other men's souls
17:04 "What do you do to help that?"
19:22 The beach, the waves and a three-year-old
21:55 It's not what you say. It's what they hear.
23:17 A worldly view of leadership
24:09 An infinite God and a finite brain
25:20 The Trinity: roles without hierarchy
26:43 Hard to lead people when you need something from them
27:37 Submission and sacrifice
28:18 We're all leaders: caring vs. feeling cared about
30:28 Mission vs. morale
32:34 You'll answer to God for how you lead
33:14 Why is bad leadership so common?
33:49 Cast vision, bring order, uphold standards
34:37 When leaders manipulate
36:40 You always lead the whole person

Previous: 1.17 / What are you really certain of?
Next: 1.19 / Should Christians set goals? Process vs. outcome

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So which of us is right? My co-host Nick Surface and I go back and forth on certainty and faith, on who you can trust when people say you can't trust anybody, and on why we keep building a black and white world when life hands us gray.

What can you actually be certain of?
I'm certain about the search. I'm certain about the pursuit. And the truth always stands up to questioning. The truth can handle questions.

Is faith the same as certainty?
Nick puts it this way: certainty is something you get looking back, not looking forward. Looking forward, you have faith. Why would God put a desire for certainty in us and then put us in a world this uncertain? Because it shows our need for Him.

Should you trust experts?
"Question everything, listen to nobody" isn't critical thinking. Jesus said you'll know them by their fruit, so find people with fruit and listen to what they say.

When should you stop asking questions?
When my motive goes from learning to trying to make a point. Socrates knew that he didn't know anything and was always willing to question himself.

Scriptures
Exodus 9:12 · Romans 9:18-21 · Matthew 7:16 · Isaiah 11:2

Thinkers and people
Socrates · C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity · Seth Godin · Sir Edmund Hillary · Sir Roger Bannister

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Greatness, balance and "good enough"
2:26 Comparison and self-talk
4:51 Living in tension: God's plan and free will (Romans 9)
6:27 Who decides what your life means?
7:30 "What am I certain about? Not a whole lot"
8:14 Should you trust experts?
11:12 Selfish people see selfishness everywhere
13:18 Life is nuance, not black and white
13:56 Theory vs. reality: engineers and bridges
15:57 Question everything? Even the moon landing?
17:12 Experts, parenting and the fruit (Matthew 7)
19:12 At some point you have to trust something
22:51 America was built on compromise
25:11 What's more painful than uncertainty?
26:46 Why would God give us a desire for certainty?
28:31 Certainty looking back, faith looking forward
29:24 Stay flexible, or die for it? (Isaiah 11)
30:22 The truth can handle questions
31:25 Principles: always right, always good, always true
33:33 Lift, thrust, drag and weight
35:53 Mercy for the people who made the call
38:49 Working hard to be willing to be wrong
39:58 Why do we expect authority to know best? (Seth Godin)
43:09 Learning the wrong lesson (Socrates, C.S. Lewis)
45:02 When should you stop asking questions?
49:21 Principles work for everybody. Applications don't.
53:10 Easy to understand, hard to apply

Previous: 1.16 / What's your standard for truth? Socrates vs. the sophists
Next: 1.18 / What does the Bible say about leadership?

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Most of us are living by ideas like that. We just don't know where they came from, or whether they've ever produced good fruit.

The sophists of ancient Athens trained people in the art of persuasion. What mattered wasn't what was true. It was what you could convince people was true. Socrates wanted what was actually true, and Athens sentenced him to death. Today, the modern-day sophist is an Instagram influencer.

My co-host Nick Surface and I ask a question most people never slow down long enough to answer: what's your standard for truth? And how well do you actually know it?

What's your standard for truth?
For a lot of people it's their own experience, but perception isn't always accurate. For Nick and me it's God's word. You can't claim the Bible as your standard and stay ignorant of what it says. The Bereans checked what Paul taught against the Scriptures (Acts 17:11).

Why do we believe what we want to hear?
Your brain is not wired to tell you what's true. It's wired to reinforce what you believe. Jesus gave a better test: you'll know them by their fruit (Matthew 7:16).

Why does truth survive questions?
Truth always stands up to questions. Subjective beliefs don't. Philosophy is φιλοσοφία (philosophía), the love of wisdom, and Socrates said that when his beliefs were shown to be false, he was the one who was served.

Scriptures
John 3:16-19 · John 18:37 · Matthew 7:16 · Acts 17:11 · 1 Corinthians 11:1 · Hebrews 13:17 · Luke 12:48

Thinkers
Socrates: no one does wrong willingly
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity: wickedness is the pursuit of some good in the wrong way

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Strike Force and the Power Team era
2:29 Should church try to draw a crowd?
3:36 Nobody thinks they're the bad guy
4:38 If the church isn't culturally relevant, who is?
6:13 C.S. Lewis and Socrates: no one does wrong willingly
6:42 Ricky Bobby and the ideas we never check
7:49 Who were the sophists?
9:38 Why wanting the truth costs you (Socrates, John 18)
11:20 The modern-day sophist is an Instagram influencer
12:18 The five-minute workout and "it doesn't have to be that hard"
13:41 Believing what you want to hear
15:42 Your brain reinforces what you already believe
17:40 Truth is objective, but always subjectively applied
20:35 Truth stands up to questions. Beliefs don't.
21:43 Bible, prayer and fellowship
24:21 Where did you get that belief?
25:30 When your pain becomes your standard of truth
27:22 You can justify any belief
28:53 The temple: outer court, inner court, holy of holies
30:39 Is the church for new people?
32:25 Hurt enough, learn enough, receive enough
34:26 Christians who don't read their Bibles
37:14 Conviction takes time and testing
38:28 You do what you actually believe
39:51 Listen to what you disagree with
41:21 What's your standard for truth?
43:06 The Bereans: show me where it says that (Acts 17)
44:01 God works through imperfect leaders
45:32 Your decisions affect other people (Hebrews 13:17)
48:30 Ignorance perpetuates ignorance
49:43 Outro

Previous: 1.15 / What is God actually holding you responsible for?
Next: 1.17 / What are you really certain of?

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

There's a meme we passed back and forth: a grizzly bear goes looking for the source of his problems, walks up to a mirror and starts attacking it. That's most of us. It's a lot easier to see the threat of somebody else than the threat of our own actions.

My co-host Nick Surface and I look underneath the culture wars and ask the question that's actually ours to answer: what does God hold me responsible for?

Can politics fix the country?
I disagree on the fix being a political fix. When individual families, men and women decide to live virtuously, the country goes in that direction.

What is God holding me responsible for?
Fixing what's happening in the world is ultimately God's responsibility. My responsibility is me: my marriage, my children, living the truth I claim to believe. Nick calls it the enemy within.

How do you change someone's mind?
The goodness of God leads people to repentance (Romans 2:4). The Greek word is μετάνοια (metanoia). It means to change your thinking. You can't argue people into transformation. You can love them into it.

So what's the cure?
God loves us in spite of ourselves, and He invites us into a life of transformation. What we have in culture now is a product of what we've sown for generations. If we want the future to look better, we have to start sowing different.

Scriptures
Jeremiah 17:9 · Romans 2:4 · Mark 10:45 · Matthew 22:39 · Genesis 3:6 · Deuteronomy 6:7 · Luke 6:27-28 · Matthew 9:36

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Rural luxury living and why we need each other
2:26 Echo chambers and tribalism
4:05 Far left, far right and nobody in the middle
5:24 Would you say it that way to someone you love?
6:52 The goodness of God leads to repentance (Romans 2:4)
7:53 It's easier to see someone else's threat than your own
9:59 The grizzly bear and the mirror
10:27 What does God actually make us responsible for?
11:52 Do you live up to the standard you set for others?
13:37 Do the people in your life exist to serve you?
15:34 Comfort, convenience and the algorithm we asked for
18:21 Original sin: thinking we know better than God
19:02 Hookup culture and what nobody says about divorce
20:20 Eve and the fruit: why we miss cause and effect
21:10 Virtue starts with individual families
22:47 Is the fix political?
24:47 Treating the symptoms instead of the cause
25:44 My responsibility is me
26:37 Grace and truth between friends
27:17 The enemy within
28:16 The breakdown of the family
29:59 Is everything really getting worse?
31:33 The problem is the human heart (Jeremiah 17)
32:41 Jesus had compassion on the crowds
34:37 Outro

Previous: 1.14 / Who is my neighbor? What Jesus meant by the Good Samaritan
Next: 1.16 / What's your standard for truth? Socrates vs. the sophists

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

Nick co-wrote our church's Christmas production. Over 450 people gave their lives to Christ, and he still went home deflated, wondering how many of them would actually be discipled. My co-host Nick Surface and I start there: what discipleship really is, altar calls, critiquing pastors from a distance, and why Jesus made a Samaritan the hero of the story.

Who is my neighbor, according to Jesus?
The expert in religious law was looking for a way to rule some people out. Jesus told him about a Samaritan, the person his listeners avoided most, then said, "Now go and do the same" (Luke 10:37). Anyone you'd tend to see as an enemy is your neighbor.

What does it mean to love your enemies?
The Greek word is ἀγάπη (agapē): love that comes out of your character, not your feelings. Someone else decides if they see you as an enemy. You decide if you see them as one.

How do you know if someone is really saved?
Not by whether they raised a hand. The proof is the fruit of their life over time. One plants, another waters, but God makes it grow (1 Corinthians 3:6-7).

Scriptures
Luke 10:25-37 · Matthew 5:43-45 · John 13:34 · Matthew 22:37-40 · Matthew 7:21-23 · Acts 8:26-40 · Romans 13:8 · 1 Corinthians 3:6-7

People
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2
Andy Stanley: what does love require of you?

Chapters
0:00 Cold open, show intro and pre-show banter
1:43 Judging a church from a distance (Joel Osteen)
3:52 What is discipleship, really? A Christmas production story
6:00 Philip and the Ethiopian (Acts 8) and counting salvations
8:51 Are altar calls in the Bible?
10:40 Growing up charismatic: does God work with imperfection?
13:40 Putting a timeline on other people's transformation
14:28 What is the real proof of salvation? (Matthew 7:21-23)
16:25 Where did the altar call come from? Why we make traditions
17:46 Why didn't the church want the Bible translated?
19:52 The real non-negotiables with God
21:23 The Great Commandment, the Great Commission and John 13:34
23:58 Look in the mirror, not out the window
26:29 Was Jesus the first to say "love your enemies"?
28:24 Love your neighbor as yourself, or as Jesus loved you?
30:00 Who is my neighbor? The Good Samaritan (Luke 10)
32:22 Who are the Samaritans today?
33:49 Fear, labels and the people we actually meet
36:16 He wanted to justify himself (Luke 10:29)
38:57 Loving a person while opposing an ideology
40:36 Andy Stanley: what does love require of you?
43:16 Do your enemies feel loved by you?
45:05 Would you say it to their face? Speaking the truth in love
46:39 What about people who only understand force?
48:10 Marcus Aurelius on meeting unkind people
49:35 Love your enemies (Matthew 5) and Romans 13
51:57 Faith or fear? Christians under Muslim rule
53:25 How the early church won Rome with service
55:38 Anyone you'd call an enemy is your neighbor
57:13 Learn how much God loves you first
58:08 Outro

Previous: 1.13 / Judge the fruit, not the motive
Next: 1.15 / What is God actually holding you responsible for?

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

Josh Craft puts it simply. Jesus didn't say to judge people's motives. He said to judge their fruit (Matthew 7:15-20).

This one starts with Christian movies and music: the animated David, Angel Studios, Forrest Frank and the CCM we grew up on. Then it turns into a bigger question. Why are Christians so quick to tell a story about someone else's heart?

Can you know someone's motives?
No. "I wouldn't charge that much for a concert" is a preference. "He charges that much because he's lost his way" is assigning motive. The heart is deceitful above all things, and it's the Lord who searches it (Jeremiah 17:9-10).

What did Jesus mean by "you will know them by their fruit"?
A false prophet teaches lies as if they're true, on purpose or out of ignorance. Jesus's test isn't what they say or why. It's the fruit, the sustained evidence of their teaching over a long period of time (Luke 6:43-45).

What counts as good fruit?
Not money, muscles or a screenshot of a bank balance. Our number one test: does this person have close relationships with the people who have been with them the longest?

Should you judge someone you don't know?
First ask: are you in relationship with this person? If the answer is no, just be quiet. Before you make a judgment, be around the person long enough to know if they actually have fruit.

Scriptures
Matthew 7:15-20 · Luke 6:43-45 · Jeremiah 17:9-10 · Galatians 5:22-23 · 1 Timothy 3:2-5 · John 12:4-6

People and ideas
T.D. Jakes · Theodore Roosevelt's man in the arena · the Harvard Study of Adult Development · Angel Studios · Forrest Frank

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Is the movie David a 9 or a 6?
6:04 The subculture of Christian media
9:30 Why Christians feel qualified to judge
11:51 Constituents, comrades and confidants
15:43 The problem with assigning motive
19:45 Building a castle vs. fighting a dragon
24:10 You can't know a person's motives (Jeremiah 17)
26:49 What Jesus said to judge (Matthew 7)
28:21 Two kinds of false prophet
30:05 Judge the fruit, not the motive
32:47 What counts as good fruit?
39:14 The fruit of the Spirit and the Harvard study
42:01 The number one fruit: long relationships
47:07 Are you in relationship with this person?
50:23 Life is a decathlon

Previous: 1.12 / One degree off: when church tradition drifts from truth
Next: 1.14 / Who is my neighbor? What Jesus meant by the Good Samaritan

New episodes most weeks.

Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

One or two degrees doesn't feel like much at the start. Over a long enough distance, it puts you into a mountain. I think tradition works the same way. It's always one or two degrees off truth.

My co-host Nick Surface and I ask what church should be. God gave the Levites an exact blueprint. For the New Testament church, He gave a mission and left the method to us.

How does an opinion become dogma?
The Greek word δόγμα (dógma) means that which seems good, an opinion. Things start as δόξα (dóxa): what appears right. The trouble starts when everyone after says "this is the way it always has to be done."

Should Christians call out other churches online?
When Paul wrote about false teachers, he knew them. They were in the congregations. When I judge another church's motives from a distance, I'm saying I'm better than you.

Is deconstruction the answer?
A lot of deconstruction just replaces one dogma with another. G.K. Chesterton: don't take down a fence until you know why someone built it.

What's the one essential?
The Great Commission. Are we discipling people? Be a Berean: weigh everything you're told about God against His word.

Scriptures
1 Peter 2:11-15 · Mark 7:6-13 · Matthew 28:19-20 · John 9:6 · John 12:4-6 · Romans 9:20-21 · Romans 13:1 · Acts 17:11

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Bible college in England and house churches
3:38 Constantine, Nicaea and the Catholic Church
5:26 Three church governance models
6:21 Where did the idea of a pope come from?
12:54 "Only as valuable as the price paid to form it"
14:48 The Levites got a blueprint. The church didn't
15:33 Christians slamming churches in the comments
16:48 The industry of calling out false prophets
19:01 The clay and the potter
21:04 Why would God allow evil leaders?
24:44 1 Peter 2: submit to every human institution
26:27 What is dogma?
28:25 Why this is The Dialog, not The Debate
28:58 How doxa becomes dogma
31:19 Deconstruction swaps one dogma for another
33:59 "That's exactly what Judas said"
36:36 Jesus, mud and the Sabbath
39:02 Mark 7: tradition above God's commands
39:38 One degree off course
42:05 The 1979 Mount Erebus disaster
44:06 Tradition is one or two degrees off truth
45:40 Be a Berean
47:29 The megachurch model as the new tradition
49:55 Chesterton's fence
50:36 What's essential? The Great Commission
52:07 Why small groups often miss on discipleship
56:00 Building a church that aligns with truth

Previous: 1.11 / Should Christians believe in Santa? The real St. Nicholas
Next: 1.13 / Judge the fruit, not the motive

New episodes most weeks.
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

I believed in Santa Claus until I was 13. And I still think you must believe in Santa Claus. Not the guy in the red suit. The real man behind him. In our Christmas episode, my co-host Nick Surface and I tell the story of St. Nicholas of Myra and talk about why people stop believing in good.

Should Christian parents let their kids believe in Santa?
If God and Santa Claus are on the same level in your kid's mind, something already went wrong. When Nick's son learned the truth about Santa, he never once questioned God.

Who was the real St. Nicholas?
The story goes that he was born around 270 AD, lost his parents to a plague, and used his inheritance to help people. He threw three bags of gold through a poor father's window so his daughters could marry. As bishop of Myra, he challenged emperor worship, was imprisoned under Diocletian, and walked out a confessor: someone who would not deny that Christ is Lord.

Did Santa Claus really punch a heretic?
That's the legend: at the Council of Nicaea, Nicholas ended a heated debate with Arius over whether Jesus is fully God by punching him.

What is Christmas actually about?
Hope. Jesus was set apart for an intended use, and so are we. If a person can be this great, can you imagine how great God is?

People
St. Nicholas of Myra · Arius · Decius, Valerian and Diocletian · Constantine · Tacitus · Dan Sullivan (Strategic Coach)

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 A steakhouse surprise and the joy of giving
6:20 Believing in Santa until 13
7:12 Will believing in Santa hurt your kids' faith?
7:53 "Dad, is Santa real?"
10:55 What does it mean for something to be real?
11:41 The death of innocence
14:23 Villains, hunting and the Mighty Men
17:07 Who are you a hero to?
19:10 Why my kids will believe in Santa
21:00 Who was St. Nicholas of Myra?
21:32 Three bags of gold through a window
22:34 Bishop of Myra and emperor worship
23:17 Rome persecutes Christians
28:52 St. Nicholas stops an execution
30:42 Confessors
33:39 The Council of Nicaea and the legendary punch
34:38 Secret gifts and the hope of Christmas
36:01 Are we entitled to more?
37:54 If Christians lose power, the gospel moves forward
38:34 Do you see God the way kids see Santa?
39:50 Where St. Nicholas found his hope
41:11 Why you must believe in Santa Claus
42:45 O Holy Night: set apart for an intended use
43:22 Be a Santa Claus

Previous: 1.10 / Values vs. virtues: what's the difference?
Next: 1.12 / One degree off: when church tradition drifts from truth

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

Everyone has core values. They're your criteria for making decisions, and most of us never look at them. My co-host Nick Surface and I started on the money conversation from the last two episodes and ended up on what's underneath it: the difference between a value and a virtue.

What's the difference between a value and a virtue?
A core value is the criteria you use to make decisions. A virtue is something that's always right, always good and always true. Comfort, money, winning and power aren't always good. Honor, humility, excellence and generosity are.

Is comfort a bad thing?
No. But when comfort becomes a core value, the dominoes fall a long way: pain started being promoted as the fifth vital sign, pain management became an industry, and the opioid crisis followed. It's not as simple as that sounds, and that's the point. Small criteria have downstream effects you can't see.

Discipline or regret?
Jim Rohn said there are two great pains in life: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces. Regret weighs tons. You carry discipline now and regret later.

How do you know what's always right?
Jesus said you'll know them by their fruit (Matthew 7:16). The Stoics landed on four virtues: wisdom, courage, temperance and justice, which became the church's cardinal virtues.

How do you build core values?
Admit that feelings are most people's default criteria. Define each value. Then get around people with the fruit you want and take their values. Mine are honor, humility, excellence and generosity. Nick's are faith, dream, grow, connect and serve. My first book, The Way to Live, walks through a similar process.

Scriptures
Matthew 6:21 · Matthew 7:16-20 · Matthew 7:24-27 · John 14:6

People and ideas
Plato: the form of the good, and learning by imitation
The Stoics: wisdom, courage, temperance, justice
Augustine and Thomas Aquinas: the cardinal virtues
Edward Lorenz: the butterfly effect
Jim Rohn: discipline or regret

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 What are you actually certain about?
3:07 Was Jesus rich?
4:46 Core values vs. virtues
5:16 Comfort as a core value
7:31 How pain became the fifth vital sign
10:08 From pain management to the opioid crisis
15:07 Nick's first 100-miler
18:50 The butterfly effect
21:29 Find the decision that started the chaos
22:20 Discipline or regret
25:26 "I wish I'd found it in my 40s"
28:51 A virtue is always right, good and true
30:24 Honor, humility, excellence, generosity
32:12 You'll know them by their fruit
35:22 Plato and the house on the rock
36:40 It's never a bad idea to forgive
39:35 The four Stoic virtues
41:34 Enron: written vs. lived
43:28 How to start building core values
44:19 Most decisions are made on feelings
48:34 What is excellence?
51:04 Nick's core values
55:10 Borrow someone else's values
57:54 When borrowed values become your own

Previous: 1.9 / How much money does God want you to have?
Next: 1.11 / Should Christians believe in Santa? The real St. Nicholas

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

My co-host Nick Surface and I pick up from Episode 8. First, why it's so hard to see past your own perspective: a brain that reinforces what you already believe and a feed built to keep you scrolling. Then we define prosperity the way Scripture does, word by word.

Why is it so hard to see past your own perspective?
Your brain isn't wired to find truth. It's wired to reinforce what you already believe. The algorithm just serves you what you want, so search out the opinions you disagree with and try to understand their logic.

Does God want you to have just enough?
Proverbs 30 asks for neither too much nor too little. Our question back: who are you worried about there? Jesus said traditions can cancel out the word of God (Mark 7:13).

What does prosperity mean in the Old Testament?
חַיִל (chayil) is the ability to take dominion: the power to create wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18). צָלַח (tsalach) means to thrive because of God's favor. The simple definition: winning in life, and helping other people win. The inheritance in Proverbs 13:22 is the ability to take dominion, and you can only teach what you've done.

What does the New Testament say?
Paul's word for sufficiency in 2 Corinthians 9:8 is αὐτάρκεια (autárkeia): having enough of everything and not requiring support. "You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way" (2 Corinthians 9:11). Prosperity means your needs are met and you have enough left over to meet other people's needs.

Scriptures
Acts 17:11 · Proverbs 30:8-9 · Mark 7:13 · Luke 18:1-8 · Psalm 37:4 · Genesis 1:28 · Deuteronomy 8:18 · Proverbs 10:22 · Proverbs 13:22 · 2 Corinthians 9:8-11 · Proverbs 11:24

Words and ideas
Socrates: define your terms first
Eisegesis vs. exegesis
Napoleon Hill and the law of attraction

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 Nobody has all the knowledge
2:15 Your brain reinforces what you believe
3:42 Losing a friendship over politics
7:31 Why people won't believe God wants them to prosper
10:28 An opinion is only as valuable as its price
13:32 I reserve the right to change my mind
16:34 The algorithm serves you what you want
18:59 Define your terms first
19:52 Less than enough, enough or more?
20:39 Is "just enough" the goal?
21:13 When tradition cancels God's word
22:38 Don't just pray "God's will" over me
24:52 Manifesting and the genie god
30:55 What is prosperity? The Hebrew words
35:28 Eisegesis vs. exegesis
36:14 The blessing of the Lord makes rich
38:25 The point of life isn't to be rich
39:44 Inheritance is the ability to take dominion
45:31 My grandfathers and the money running out
46:22 Almost everyone God used was wealthy
49:18 Enriched in every way
50:58 What about Paul?
57:16 Sufficiency
59:42 Sowing and reaping
1:01:43 You're richer than you feel
1:05:09 Rich for a purpose

Previous: 1.8 / Who taught you to think the way you think?
Next: 1.10 / Values vs. virtues: what's the difference?

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

The Bible is like a map with X's drawn on it. Most of us can find the X. Our problem is we don't know where we are on the map, because we don't know our own thinking very well.

My dad always asks it this way: who taught you to think the way you think? My co-host Nick Surface and I trace where our filters come from and test them on the subject that makes everybody emotional: money.

Am I being logical or emotional?
Ask yourself: am I looking for something I agree with, or something that's true? Truth will offend you and challenge your preconceived notions.

Do you trust money?
Jesus said you can't serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24). The Greek word is μαμωνᾶς (mamōnâs), and as I read it, it's whatever you trust in or value. Most people worship money and use God as a tool, rather than worship God and use money as a tool.

Does God only want you to have spiritual abundance?
In John 10:10 the word for life is ζωή (zōḗ), and the word for abundantly is περισσός (perissós). It means more than what's required, more than full.

Are you asking a question or making a point?
The hardest thing as an adult is being willing to be wrong. God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Scriptures
Matthew 7:16 · Matthew 6:24 · John 10:10 · 2 Corinthians 8:9 · Luke 8:3 · Acts 17:27 · Isaiah 55:8-9 · 1 Corinthians 8:1

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:53 The filter you see the world through
3:28 NLP, CBT and Stoicism
4:49 Adults are making it up
6:04 Whatever your parents do becomes normal
6:58 Bible college in England
8:13 The Bible is a map with X's on it
9:43 "Who taught you to think the way you think?"
10:49 Logical or emotional?
12:55 Black and white, or gray?
15:02 If it's true, it's always been true
16:32 The fruit of your thinking
18:56 "We can't afford it"
22:21 God and mammon
24:17 Money makes you more of who you are
26:14 Do you trust money?
27:59 Worship God, use money as a tool
30:21 A question or a point?
31:36 Was Jesus poor?
33:23 Being willing to be wrong
34:41 "One of those prosperity gospel churches"
36:41 Abundant life in John 10:10
38:53 Why you believe what you believe
40:23 Would God want to make you poor?
43:49 God's thoughts are higher
48:21 Knowledge puffs up, love builds up
49:04 Next time: does God want me to be rich?
51:00 Find the "you are here" dot

Previous: 1.7 / What does God want me to do with my life?
Next: 1.9 / How much money does God want you to have?

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

Tony Robbins says everybody has a blueprint for their life. If you feel ahead of it, you're happy. If you feel behind it, you're dissatisfied. The better question is where you got the blueprint.

My co-host Nick Surface and I take that question to Moses, David and a line from our friend Jeremy Baker: God doesn't activate you. He redirects you.

What does God want me to do with my life?
Start with what's in your hand. When God showed up at the burning bush, Moses was already working, shepherding his father-in-law's flock on the far side of the wilderness (Exodus 3:1). You get yourself to work hard. Then God says, here's what I want you to work hard on.

Does God activate you or redirect you?
Activation is something outside of you making you move. Redirection is when you're already moving and you get aligned. It's a lot easier to turn the wheels of a car that's already moving.

Why is it so hard to be faithful in little things?
David was anointed king and went right back out to the sheep. Don't despise the day of small beginnings (Zechariah 4:10).

Where does meaning come from?
Viktor Frankl said the meaning of your life is a question life asks you, and you answer it.

Scriptures
Exodus 3:1 · Exodus 4:2 · Proverbs 16:9 · Zechariah 4:10 · Matthew 25:21 · Colossians 3:23 · Proverbs 3:5-6 · Ecclesiastes 9:10

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 Were the 90s really the good old days?
5:28 Behind on your life blueprint?
6:34 If God has a plan, it isn't your plan
7:34 Moses and the burning bush
8:01 God doesn't activate you, He redirects you
9:13 Moses was already working
11:12 "I'm 24. I'm not a billionaire."
13:35 A man plans his way
16:16 Why being a shepherd was an insult
17:30 Anointed king, then back to the sheep
18:59 Insecurity and Moses' five excuses
20:10 A compass, not a switch
21:26 All God gave you to do is today
22:15 Faithful in little things
22:55 The NASA janitor
24:25 The purpose blueprint
25:28 Turn a car that's moving
26:15 Life asks the question
27:09 The provider dad
28:41 Dig the ditches, strike the arrows
31:36 From outside-in to inside-out
34:11 Grateful and negative?
35:25 Choose your response
38:43 Epictetus
39:52 Comfort vs. calling
42:11 A terrible youth pastor
43:21 Work hard at what's in front of you

Previous: 1.6 / Are your relationships transactional or transformational?
Next: 1.8 / Who taught you to think the way you think?

New episodes most weeks.
Follow Nick on IG / https://www.instagram.com/nicksurface1/
Follow me on IG / https://www.instagram.com/joshuakcraft/
Go to my website / https://jkc.is

That's the difference between a transactional relationship and a transformational one. Transactional people treat relationships as a cost. Transformational people treat them as an investment. My co-host Nick Surface and I bring it home to marriage, friendship and work.

How do you know you're being transactional?
Watch your first question. If it's "how does this serve me?", that's the tell. So is keeping score in your marriage, and so is trying to win the argument.

Should you cut toxic people out of your life?
Some people do need to go. But before you start cutting people, ask the harder question: what if you're the one demanding all the energy?

Who taught you to think the way you think?
The Greek word for sin is ἁμαρτία (hamartía). It means to miss the mark. Aristotle used it for the decision that sets a character on the road to ruin. We're modeling creatures, and until you see a behavior as learned, you can't change it.

How do you get a raise?
Do more than you're asked to do, for a sustained period of time. The law of sowing and reaping says you sow first.

What is the purpose of relationships?
God gave us His word, His Spirit and other people, and He said it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Andy Stanley says my job is not to fill another person's cup, my job is to pour my cup out.

Scriptures
Exodus 20:5 · Proverbs 18:24 · Matthew 10:8 · John 5:19 · Genesis 2:18 · Luke 6:38

Thinkers
Aristotle, Poetics · Erwin McManus · Zig Ziglar · Brian Tracy · Andy Stanley · Rick Warren

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 People as a cost or an investment
1:41 Mass layoffs and the shareholder economy
3:08 What it costs vs. what it creates
5:29 What's the mission of your friendships?
7:29 Transactional vs. transformational: can the pie grow?
9:00 Is your marriage a transaction?
11:16 Who taught you to think the way you think?
12:56 What sin really means (Aristotle's Poetics)
15:19 The sins of the fathers and learned behavior
18:08 "How does this serve me?"
19:05 Cutting toxic people? What if it's you?
19:46 Who shows up when you move?
24:33 To have friends, be friendly (Proverbs 18:24)
26:01 When your default is "what's in it for me?"
28:14 Keeping score in marriage
29:26 "I don't like the way I'm being right now"
30:27 What is the purpose of relationships?
32:02 Sowing and reaping: you sow first
32:47 How do you get a raise?
33:47 Know the rules of the game you're playing
37:00 Andy Stanley: pour your cup out
38:43 Why Erwin McManus never loses at board games
40:28 Zig Ziglar: help others get what they want
42:19 Not good to be alone (Genesis 2)
43:59 God's word, His Spirit and other people
45:51 Sowing and reaping in different seasons (Luke 6:38)
47:05 This isn't about staying in toxic relationships
48:15 Most people aren't out to take advantage of you
49:55 Change yourself, not them
51:05 Their weaknesses, your strengths
51:51 What can I get, or what can I give?

Previous: 1.5 / Is there truth in other religions?
Next: 1.7 / What does God want me to do with my life?

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