The Unburdened Leader

EP 154: Leading from Safety, Not Survival: Deb Dana on Co-Regulation and Leadership

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 08 May 2026 03:00:00 -0400

It is hard to be human. And right now, it is even harder to be humane, to ourselves and to others.

And so many high-achieving, deeply caring leaders are under pressure to stay regulated, calm, and adaptable, no matter what they’re facing. They look serene on the outside, but internally? They feel like a hot mess.

They mask what they’re feeling and push through so they can try to be the person, friend, leader they want to be. They fake regulation at the expense of their actual wellbeing.

As the language of modalities like IFS and polyvagal theory has spread into the culture, the concepts have been distorted and even weaponized to police others and encourage self-editing, silencing, and hypervigilance. The exact opposite of cultivating the safety, connection, and practices that support a resilient nervous system.

Today, polyvagal-theory expert Deb Dana is back to talk with me about what the culture so often gets wrong about nervous system regulation, why we need to plan for how to approach repair and reconnection when we inevitably make mistakes, and how to protect our compassion and curiosity about all the other kinds of nervous systems we encounter out in the world.

Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series.

Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why we can’t ignore our fundamental need for connection and co-regulation
How leaders can take steps to acknowledge and normalize the diversity of nervous systems and needs on their teams
How to plan ahead for moments when you feel disconnected or dysregulated
Why the goal is not to be regulated at all times and shifting states is just data
Why identifying the worries underlying our patterns of states and behaviors is the first step to shifting them
Why leaders need to tend to their own systems, both for their wellbeing and to model safety for others

Learn more about Deb Dana:

Rhythm of Regulation

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Chapters:

(00:07) - Introduction

(06:36) - Meet Deb Dana

(08:57) - The Fundamentals of Co-Regulation

(13:42) - Survival vs. Safety

(17:36) - Leading Diverse Nervous Systems

(19:34) - Two AM Connection Plans

(22:55) - Polyvagal Hierarchy Explained

(25:36) - Build Your Regulation Menu

(34:05) - Micro Moments And Glimmers

(37:28) - Safe Enough And Curiosity

(40:41) - Protecting Curiosity Under Stress

(42:45) - Neck Up Trauma Patterns

(47:27) - Home Away From Home and Our Nervous System

(55:24) - Safety for Leaders Today

(01:01:00) - Quick Fire Favorites

(01:06:09) - How To Connect

(01:06:51) - Closing Thoughts

EP 153: Power Dynamics and Personal Power: Dr. Amanda Aguilera on the Right Use of Power

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 03:00:00 -0400

The way you relate to power is the way you relate to everything around and within you–your work, your people, your sense of what's possible. And most of us have never actually examined that relationship.

And in this season we are in, when everything is changing so quickly, any unexamined beliefs we hold will quietly run the show. They will shape the risks we take, the rooms we walk into, and the moments we either step up or shrink back.

If we don’t have something to ground us internally to our values, our body, our nervous system, and our beliefs, we run the risk of looking to external validation and trying to control everyone and everything around us. We do damage control and play nice at the expense of real connection and progress.

Which is why I am thrilled to welcome back Dr. Amanda Aguilera to talk more about the Right Use of Power framework for personal power and her new book, Shaping Power for Good: Wayfinding to Right Relationship. She reminds us that staying rooted and using our personal power for good isn’t a box to be checked, but a continuous practice and commitment to ourselves and our relationships.

Dr. Amanda Aguilera currently serves as the Executive Director of the Right Use of Power Institute and co-leader of Sacred Wayfinding. She has dedicated most of her career to helping people and organizations understand systems, conflict, and social power dynamics to create right relationships and a sense of belonging. She has a knack for making difficult conversations easier, complex ideas more accessible, and resistance more workable. Integrating power, contemplative practices, neurobiology, and restorative practices, she works by finding a balance of head and heart and facilitating the co-creation of strategic maps that lead us forward in a more equitable way.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Defining the six core types of power through the lens of relationships to others, ourselves, and the collective
How four essential aspects of being in right relationship show up in us and others
Why checking in on power and relationships starts with connecting to our bodies
How committing to being in right relationship helps us overcome how we’ve been socialized to access power and belonging
Why right relationship fundamentally starts with ourselves, our boundaries, and our values
How each of us can use our power for good, conscientiously and in alignment with our values

Learn more about Dr. Amanda Aguilera:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Chapters:

(00:00) - Introduction
(08:20) - Meet Dr. Aguilera
(09:02) - Six Types of Power
(17:25) - Rooted vs Socialized Power
(23:09) - Right Relationship
(27:56) - Checking in with Your Body
(30:03) - Checking with your Why
(35:51) - The Messy Truth of Power
(38:48) - Showing up in Relationship Differently
(41:08) - Up Power, Down Power
(45:25) - Shaping Power For Good
(49:49) - Double Loop Learning
(52:10) - Quick Fire Favorites
(55:49) - How To Connect
(56:38) - Closing Thoughts

EP 152: Trauma Happens When We're Left Alone: Chris Burris on Psychological Safety and IFS in Groups

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 03:00:00 -0400

You have probably heard of the concept of psychological safety and what it takes to foster it on your team and in spaces you lead.

Maybe you’ve read books or taken trainings.

Here’s the tricky thing: psychological safety is an emergent quality of the group environment, shaped by leadership behaviors and team norms. You, as the leader, are a key variable.

So when you walk into a high-stakes meeting, and your self-protective parts are running the show? It impacts everyone around you and whether they can experience psychological safety.

The only way that we can cultivate psychological safety outside of us, is to cultivate self-leadership within. When we can move from a place of authenticity and courage, rather than discomfort or fear, the people around us feel seen, heard, and connected. They have trust. They feel safe.

Today my guest and I are talking about what it actually takes to lead groups and teams well, and the hard, necessary work of leading yourself first.

Chris Burris, M.Ed., LCMHCS, LMFT, is a Senior Lead Trainer for the Internal Family Systems Institute. He has spent decades bringing the IFS model into groups and teams, not just the therapy room. He has trained close to 200 facilitators across 18 group facilitator trainings worldwide. He is the author of Creating Healing Circles: Using the Internal Family Systems Model in Facilitating Groups.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How empathy, tempered with understanding our purpose and boundaries, helps us lead better
Why recognizing and acknowledging others’ emotions is not the same as taking responsibility for them
What changes when leaders make an effort to understand the deeper origins of behaviors
How IFS provides a model for addressing conflict in groups
The importance of learning to recognize when you’re activated and suggestions for approaching repair with others when needed
How team leaders can shape dynamics that are clear, purposeful, and supportive, even through disagreements and differences

Learn more about Chris Burris:

Website

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 151: Why Networking Feels Gross and How to Build Relationships That Actually Last with Monique Kelley

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 27 Mar 2026 03:00:00 -0400

When you think of networking, do you feel discomfort or even dread?

Most of us learned that “networking” is fundamentally transactional, asking for and doling out favors in order to further our aims. Maybe you or someone you know is the type to be constantly trying to connect people to prove their own worth, or counting themselves out because they feel like they have nothing to offer. That’s the kind of networking that makes us go, “Ugh, I’d rather stay home.”

But networking can be about building real, powerful connections. And we need relationships, networks, and communities more than ever.

And you don’t have to be a dedicated extrovert. You can cultivate a way of building connections and community that works for your nervous system and your lifestyle. The goal is discernment–knowing when to give, when to receive, and trusting that you have something worth bringing.

As my guest today shares, if we want to redefine networking, it starts with checking our biases and our burdens about what and who networking is and who it’s for.

Monique Kelley is a trusted, purpose-driven professor at Boston University, a consultant and published author who serves in a fractional capacity for Fortune 50 and global biopharmaceutical companies seeking a strategic corporate, product or executive communications head who advances business objectives and alleviates their headaches. Professor Kelley wrote the book (literally) on effective networking, Redefining Networking: How to Lead with Your Unique Value. She is also a Boston Founding Member of women C-suite and executive community CHIEF.

Monique has built a strong network that she taps into for her consulting, referrals for her former coworkers and opportunities for her students and industry peers. At BU, she teaches the first and only Career Readiness course within the College of Communication. She teaches students and professionals alike her approach to effective networking and has facilitated “lead with your value” workshops for corporations and professional organizations, including Johnson & Johnson's Global Commercial Strategy Organization and Ticket to Biotech.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How to reach out without making it transactional
Why networking should start with people you already know, not strangers
Simple steps for connecting and communicating your unique value
Why you have to take the time to build equity and trust before making an ask
Why reciprocity and long-term relationships are the real goals of networking
How thinking about what you can contribute in return can take the pressure off asking for help

Learn more about Monique Kelley:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 150: The Leadership Practice of Joy: Shabnam Mogharabi on Story and Service

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 13 Mar 2026 03:00:00 -0400

Story is our brain’s first language.

And our minds fill in a story’s blanks long before the facts catch up.

Before we consciously interpret an event, our nervous system has already scanned for threat and sent that information to our brains, which in turn builds a narrative about what it means. We’re constantly interpreting events, and not always accurately.

Research has shown that negative information carries more psychological weight than positive information. That bias isn’t a flaw–it’s survival wiring.

But what protects us biologically can distort us relationally.

Unexamined stories shape our leadership. They shape how we interpret feedback. They shape how we respond to conflict. They shape culture. They shape trust.

Which is why reclaiming “storyteller” as a skill set matters.

Good storytelling connects to our capacity for joy, along with our ability to connect to what is truly authentic for us, which plays a role in the stories we tell ourselves and others.

Today’s guest digs into how to become a better storyteller—with yourself and with others—why joy is a skill that helps regulate our state and expand capacity, and how connecting to our authenticity is essential to telling good stories.

Shabnam Mogharabi is an entertainment executive, producer, and New York Times bestselling author with 20 years of experience in mission-driven media. She is currently the founder of The Joy Brigade, a boutique production company, and also serves as Executive Director at Soul Boom, which creates media to ignite a spiritual revolution. Prior to that, Shabnam was an EVP at film company Participant and also co-founded the uplifting content studio SoulPancake with actor Rainn Wilson, which she ran as CEO for nearly a decade, amassing one billion video views. She has a certificate in positive psychology and believes joy is transformational.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why joy is not about bypassing, but actually helps us navigate and weather our hardest days
The difference between experiencing the emotion of happiness and cultivating the tools and practices of joy
Three tools Shabnam returns to over and over in her own life to reset her perspective
Why we have to play the long game with joy practices through consistency and time
Key elements that make for an impactful story, and why you don’t need to be an artist or writer to hone your storytelling skills
How Shabnam built and sustains the trust at the foundation of her 17-year creative partnership with Rainn Wilson

Learn more about Shabnam Mogharabi:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 149: Interrupting the Fawning Trauma Response: Leadership, Safety, and Self-Trust with Dr. Ingrid Clayton

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 03:00:00 -0500

Most of us know about the “fight, flight, freeze” responses to trauma. But there is another concept that has been steadily gaining awareness over the last several years, in large part due to pop psychology on social media: Fawning.

You might have heard it described as akin to extreme people-pleasing, over-accommodating, over-functioning, and fundamentally a problem in the person doing the fawning. But as my guest today illuminates for us, it’s not a personal failing, or even always a conscious choice.

It is human nature to prioritize safety and connection, and fawning is a means of keeping ourselves safe. But when fawning runs the show, self-leadership diminishes and quietly drifts toward conflict-avoiding, blurred boundaries, and self-abandonment.

Waking up to your fawning response takes courage. You will meet resistance from some as you shift the dynamics of your relationships. But it also unlocks deeper intimacy, more honest connection, and the joy that comes from trusting yourself and letting others meet the real you.

This conversation invites you to consider where and with whom you fawn, and how you might want to respond in the future. Fawning has a real purpose when safety is on the line, but the more we are aware of it, the more we can be intentional about how we show up in our relationships.

Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s degree in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. In her private practice in Los Angeles she supports individuals in healing trauma, reclaiming agency, and reconnecting to their authentic selves.

She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, and her work has been featured in Oprah Daily, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Forbes, 10% Happier with Dan Harris, Girls Gotta Eat, and NPR’s On Point with Meghna Chakrabarti. Ingrid’s latest book, Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, explores the often-overlooked fawn response to trauma.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why fawning shows up as an unconscious response to ongoing relational trauma
How understanding fawning helped Ingrid understand and heal from her own complex trauma
How our culture demands and reinforces fawning for women and marginalized people
The often very real bind of choosing safety over self and the feedback loop it creates
Accessible practices to build a sense of internal safety and self-trust
How chronic fawning and self-abandonment contribute to burnout

Learn more about Ingrid Clayton, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 148: Naming as Leadership Practice: Soraya Chemaly on Language and Power

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 13 Feb 2026 03:00:00 -0500

There is a well-known cognitive phenomenon that we are all susceptible to, and even more so when we’re stressed. And we’re all at least a little stressed and overwhelmed right now.

The illusory truth effect catches us when we repeatedly hear statements and begin to assume they are true through repetition and familiarity. Things feel true, even if they couldn’t be further from it. Research has shown that sheer repetition can even override facts when we know better.

Naming–systems, feelings, what we’re witnessing, what’s missing, what’s wrong–is a powerful antidote to the illusory truth effect. Naming forces us to slow down. It interrupts the repetition. We can’t meaningfully talk about integrity, values, courage, or innovation if we refuse to look directly at what is.

My guest today reminds us that we can’t disrupt what we can’t name. And we can’t heal what stays vague.

Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. As a cultural critic, she writes and speaks frequently about gender norms, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, politics, and technology. The former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and co-founder of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project, she has long been committed to expanding women’s civic and political participation.

Her most recent book, All We Want is Everything: How We Dismantle Male Supremacy, has been called “a potent rallying cry for a beleaguered feminist movement.” In it, she challenges dearly held beliefs about gender and equality today, drawing clear lines between the dynamics of intimate inequality and global anti-feminist, anti-democratic backlash and machofascism.

Content warning: Discussion of details of the video footage leading up to Renee Good’s murder, less-detailed discussion of sexual and gender-based violence and harassment

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why we need to name systems clearly and specifically in order to challenge them
How male supremacy encompasses concepts of sexism, misogyny, and patriarchy and frames them as part of a larger hierarchical system
How we’re witnessing DARVO play out at scale in our government and media, as well as in personal interactions
How deepfakes use the pervasive threat of sexual violence against women to dehumanize and enforce subjugation
How women play roles in passing on and enforcing male supremacy
How “the boy crisis” reinforces norms of masculinity at the expense of girls and women
Why big tent politics that asks everyone but cis, straight men to give up fundamental rights cannot be a yardstick of success

Learn more about Soraya Chemaly:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

The Beginning Comes After the End: Notes on a World of Change, Rebecca Solnit

EP 147: Despair Is Not a Strategy: Emerge America CEO A'shanti Gholar on Servant Leadership and the Long Game

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 30 Jan 2026 03:00:00 -0500

If it feels like you’ve lived a year inside of a month right now, you’re not alone. The cycle of our times is relentless and demands more of our attention and emotional capacity than we were ever meant to carry.

This disorientation makes us more prone to disengagement, burnout, cynicism, and the lure of certainty. We also risk what social psychologists call moral narrowing, where our moral attention and empathy constrict to a smaller set of people or issues—often those we identify with directly—while excluding or devaluing others outside that circle. We can become more rigid, less able to tolerate complexity, and more likely to simplify moral dilemmas into “us versus them.”

Even the most caring people are susceptible to moral narrowing when they’re constantly overwhelmed. But we can build skills that help us move through grief, tolerate uncertainty, and stay engaged without losing ourselves.

We need to train for these times, not just intellectually, but relationally and somatically. We need to be able to stay in the room long enough to build lasting connections and coalitions.

My guest today models what it looks like to think and lead with the long game in mind while also tending to present-day relationships and her own well-being. She reminds us that despair is not a strategy and that steady, relational, local action is how we keep the future from being decided by the loudest and most reckless forces in the room.

A’shanti F. Gholar is the President & CEO of Emerge, the nation’s largest network of women elected officials and candidates. A’shanti co-founded Emerge Nevada in 2006, was named Emerge’s national policy director in 2016, and became the first Black woman to lead Emerge in February 2020. Under A’shanti’s leadership, Emerge has experienced unprecedented growth and success. With affiliates in over two dozen states, more than 1,200 alums in office, and over 6,500 Democratic women trained to run for office and win, Emerge has become a force to be reckoned with in the political landscape.

She is also the founder of The Brown Girls Guide to Politics and its award-winning podcast, which The Guardian recognized as a “practical guide to progressive activism.”

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How A’shanti learned early on the power of getting involved at the local level
How Emerge helps women recognize the value of their skills and lived experiences in holding political positions
How centering the “why” helps Emerge candidates get elected, fight through the hard days, and get re-elected at high rates
Why servant leadership is at the core of how Emerge trains candidates to lead
How every day micro engagements in your community add up to make a difference and keep hope alive for the long haul
Why representation, visibility, and mentorship are vital to changing the narrative of who can run for and hold office

Learn more about A’shanti Gholar:

Emerge
The Brown Girls Guide to Politics Podcast
Instagram: @ashantigholar

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 146: Regulated Leadership: Nervous System Skills Every Leader Needs with Deb Dana

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 26 Dec 2025 03:00:00 -0500

Our nervous systems form the foundation of how we move through the world. It is the filter for our thoughts, behaviors, and interpretations.

And when our nervous systems are dysregulated, it impacts how we show up for ourselves, our loved ones, and those we lead.

Emotional regulation isn’t as simple as a human equivalent of turning your computer off and on again. But it is an essential practice to learn to notice dysregulation, and develop skills and practices to bring us back when we’ve spiraled or disconnected.

As we head into another year of challenges and uncertainty, personally and societally, I’m coming back to my conversation on Polyvagal Theory with Deb Dana from earlier this year, which also happens to be the most downloaded episode of 2025. When the stakes are high, it only makes sense that so many of us are looking for ways to cope. Polyvagal practice offers a compassionate map to ourselves, and helps us build the adaptability, curiosity, compassion, and connection that are most needed in leadership right now.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How regulation practices help us build the capacity to return to ourselves when we’ve been challenged
How subconscious survival responses hijack our ability to problem solve and narrow our options
How tiny moments of noticing can add up to big changes in your capacity to find regulation
Why we need skills for coming back to regulation in order to engage with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the world
How leaders can create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they lead

Learn more about Deb Dana:

Rhythm of Regulation

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 145: Leading Through Outrage: Why Moral Imagination Matters with Dr. Kurt Gray

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 12 Dec 2025 03:00:00 -0500

How do we stay awake and aware without constantly being outraged? Or, perhaps even worse, normalizing what should be utterly unacceptable?

Staying human is hard in this environment. So many leaders are trying to hold onto their boundaries and values against pressure to act contrary to them, to stay compassionate and curious when so many forces benefit from and encourage our outrage.

Anger, rage, and outrage are powerful and can be useful emotions. But when we live from a perpetual state of outrage, we lose access to the self-leadership and adaptive skills that help us lead well, and eventually it takes us out.

Today’s guest is here to help us understand what outrage really is, why it’s so potent right now, how it becomes weaponized, and how we can use it without losing ourselves.

Kurt Gray is a social psychologist who studies our moral minds and how best to bridge political divides. Gray received his PhD from Harvard University, and now directs the Deepest Beliefs Lab at The Ohio State University. He also leads the Center for the Science of Moral Understanding, which explores new ways to reduce polarization, and is a Field Builder in the New Pluralists, which seeks to build a more pluralistic America.

Gray’s work on morality, politics, religion, creativity, and AI has been widely discussed in the media, including the New York Times, the Economist, Scientific American, Wired, and Hidden Brain. He is the co-author of the book The Mind Club: Who Thinks, What Feels and Why it Matters, and the author of Outraged: Why We Fight about Morality and Politics.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Kurt’s childhood experiences with his stepmother’s conservative, evangelical family have informed his thinking about how we can connect despite differences
How our human wiring for threat detection causes “harm creep,” even while many of us are safer than ever
How our outrage is connected to our perceptions of our risk and vulnerability
How our moral imagination helps us maintain our empathy and humanity without losing sight of our values and boundaries
Why we need to learn to recognize destruction narratives and how they’re being used to sow division
Why leading with facts and statistics fails in moral and political arguments and how we can more effectively begin to bridge the gaps
Why we need to leave room for uncertainty and humility in our convictions

Learn more about Kurt Gray, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 144: Faithful Skepticism: Questioning Without Losing Hope with David Adey

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 03:00:00 -0500

Every day, we’re flooded with information–headlines, opinions, advice, noise. And beneath that deluge of input, we carry stories that tell us how we stay safe and what asking questions will cost us.

Certainty too often feels like safety. So we rush to respond before we understand and defend before we discern. We don’t pause to reflect or to question the loudest voices in the room–proverbial or otherwise.

But certainty at the expense of discernment can damage our connections to each other and to ourselves.

Leadership that builds connection and trust for the long term requires us to cultivate the courage to ask questions and follow the answers, even when it’s uncomfortable. When we catch an old story running the show and stay curious instead of certain, we can metabolize what’s driving reactivity and protection.

It’s how we stay open, grounded, and self-led in a world that rewards reactivity.

My guest in this conversation refers to this practice as faithful skepticism: asking hard questions without abandoning hope. When I read his moving essay, “Groomed by the Church: How The Clash Saved My Soul,” I knew I had to invite him here to discuss the importance of refining our discernment and cultivating skepticism as a vital tool for effective leadership. And how music serves as a powerful trailhead–both as a cultural lightning rod and as a catalyst for self-discovery.

David Adey is a multimedia artist based in San Diego, CA. His work has been exhibited at The Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego, Orange County Museum of Art, Crystal Bridges Museum, Minneapolis Institute of Art, Frist Center for The Visual Arts, Oceanside Museum of Art, Cranbrook Art Museum, and venues nationally and internationally. His work has been featured in publications including Art in America, LA Weekly, The Huffington Post, Wired Magazine, Thisiscolossal, and PBS. He received his MFA in sculpture from Cranbrook Academy of Art. Adey is a professor of art and design at Point Loma Nazarene University.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How an outing to see a Black Sabbath cover band inspired David’s essay
How the parallels of the Satanic Panic of his youth and our current cultural moment took the essay from journal entry to published work
Why David believes in the power of being offensive with a purpose
How the church’s narrow focus on spiritual dangers came at a cost to real life safety
How David’s teenaged experiences inform how he now leads his students and parents his children
The impact of his mother’s support when he both wanted to reject his musical loves and then reconnect with them
Why faithful skepticism is a powerful antidote for certainty and cynicism

Learn more about David Adey:

Website
Instagram: @davidadey.studio

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 143: Transforming Legacy Burdens in our Leadership with Crystal Jones

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 14 Nov 2025 03:00:00 -0500

Leaders carry the weight of more than their current roles.

We receive messages from the generations before us about our worth, work, and belonging that shape how we show up–for better or worse. This is just as true in our working lives as it is in our families.

If we want to change the narratives, we have to become aware of the legacy burdens–personal, familial, cultural, systemic–that have been passed down to us and choose to transform those burdens into opportunities for healing, growth, and leadership that alters the course of our teams and organizations for the better.

When we can name what we’ve absorbed–what doesn’t belong to our personal story but to those who came before us–we create space for healing and release. And from that place, we can hold onto our hope, lead with integrity, and stay grounded in what truly matters.

My guest today is a dear colleague and friend who is here to talk with me about the impact of generational messaging on our leadership, and how we can begin to dismantle these narratives for ourselves and in our organizations.

Crystal R. Jones is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Lead IFS-I Trainer who passionately spreads the healing essence of the IFS model worldwide. Known for her embodied compassion, relatability, and heart-led approach to her work, Crystal has personally experienced the transformative power of the IFS model in her own healing journey. This profound experience fuels Crystal’s dedication to creating safe spaces for marginalized communities, particularly Black women and women of color, to feel connected, seen, heard, and valued as they embark on their healing journeys individually and collectively. Crystal is fervently committed to teaching the model in a way that illuminates and speaks to BIPOC communities, ensuring its adaptability, accessibility, and relevance to diverse populations.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How legacy burdens are passed through families and cultures as messages of survival
How Crystal reckons with cultural burdens by choosing to show up imperfectly and with vulnerability
Self-reflection questions to help you identify and consider legacy burdens
How belonging and shame show up when working with legacy burdens
How Crystal is shifting workplace narratives for her teams and in her trainings

Learn more about Crystal Jones:

Life Source Counseling Center

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 142: The Hidden Leadership and Mental Health Costs of Performative Goodness with Elise Loehnen

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 31 Oct 2025 03:00:00 -0400

What does it mean to be good?

It’s a little word that carries a lot of weight for many of us. Be a good girl. Be a good friend. Be a good leader. Do good.

Good can sound like praise, but become a cage of expectations and shoulds, a performance that chips away at our authenticity. Good is no longer something we are, but is how others see us. It leads us to people please and keep the peace at all costs. And that’s especially true for women.

All too often, when women are in leadership, their goodness is measured by how they make others feel–good, comfortable, understood. All of that matters. But when the measure of leadership becomes how comfortable other people feel around us, we lose something essential.

We perform and manage emotions instead of building trust and respect. We seek to be liked and to fit in at the cost of real integrity and effectiveness. And likability is oh-so fleeting.

Respect, integrity, and true belonging take time and discomfort to build, but they last.

My guest today has written beautifully and bravely about the cost of being good, the truth of belonging, and the courage it takes to lead ourselves and others through discomfort.

Elise Loehnen is the New York Times bestselling author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good and the host of the podcast, Pulling the Thread, where she interviews cultural luminaries about the big questions of today, including people like Joy Harjo, John and Julie Gottman, Dr. Gabor Maté, and Esther Perel. In addition to On Our Best Behavior, she is the author of a corresponding workbook—Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness—with coach Courtney Smith (July 2025), and the co-author of True & False Magic, with legendary psychiatrist Phil Stutz. Elise lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their sons, Max and Sam.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Elise traced the cultural roots of the “good woman” back to early Christianity and the many additions, erasures, and mistranslations of Biblical stories
Why we need to pay attention to our envy and how it shows up in relation to other women
How envy, pride, and greed fuel each other and the ways we stay small and tear other women down
How social media has heightened the risk of reputational damage and changed how women work and lead, for better and worse
Why we latch onto ideas of goodness and purity more deeply in times of greater uncertainty
How current narratives about the “natural” order are ahistorical manipulations that limit what we believe is possible

Learn more about Elise Loehnen:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 141: When Science Meets Misinformation: How to Lead with Evidence in a Truth-Decay Era with Dr. Ben Rein

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 17 Oct 2025 03:00:00 -0400

We live in an age where truth twists into confusion, opinion drowns out data, and it’s increasingly difficult to figure out whose expertise we can trust.

Where did our mistrust in expertise come from? Its roots stretch back to deliberate misinformation campaigns beginning in the 1950s spread by the likes of Big Tobacco, Big Oil, and conservative church movements. Then social media poured gasoline on the fire, accelerating the spread of misinformation and making sowing division highly profitable.

Misinformation campaigns take advantage of our brains’ natural tendency to protect the familiar and mistrust outgroups. And they capitalize on the very real betrayals people have experienced at the hands of corporations, governments, schools, and healthcare systems.

Our challenge now isn’t just knowing the facts, it’s interrogating our own beliefs, asking where our evidence comes from, and resisting the pull of certainty. As leaders, we need to discern who we give our attention to, practice critical thinking, resist manufactured controversy, and platform voices committed to both truth and connection.

Today’s guest is a neuroscientist and author of Why Brains Need Friends, who works to make science accessible, relational, and rooted in respect. He doesn’t focus on winning arguments or shaming people into submission. He focuses on bridging divides, building trust, and reminding us that our brains–and our lives–are wired for connection.

Ben Rein, PhD is an award-winning neuroscientist and science communicator. He serves as the Chief Science Officer of the Mind Science Foundation, an Adjunct Lecturer at Stanford University, and a Clinical Assistant Professor at SUNY Buffalo. He has published over 20 peer-reviewed papers on the neuroscience of social behavior, and is the author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. In addition, Rein educates an audience of more than 1 million social media followers and has been featured on outlets including Entertainment Tonight, Good Morning America and StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He has received awards for his science communication from the National Academies of Science, Engineering, and Medicine, the Society for Neuroscience, and elsewhere.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How an especially vivid nightmare redirected Ben’s path to neuroscience
Why the division and isolation of modern life is so bad for our brains and overall health
How engaging with strangers isn’t as awkward as we often think it is, and why we should do it more
How small social interactions build our sense of belonging, community, and wellbeing
Why we need to recognize and then override our gut reactions to those we perceive as belonging to outgroups
How social media sound bites vastly oversimplify the complex and unknown systems in our brains
Why Ben’s primary mission to to help people understand the value of looking to data and evidence rather than personalities and experiences
Why we all have to get better at fact-checking and questioning why we’re ready to believe something

Learn more about Dr. Ben Rein:

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EP 140: Dare to Dabble: How Intentional Amateurship Builds Resilience with Karen Walrond

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 03 Oct 2025 03:00:00 -0400

Have you ever thought of being an amateur as a good thing?

Many of us learned from an early age that our worth was tied to excelling at what we do and turning it into something productive. And many leaders carry the belief that they must be certain, skilled, and polished at all times.

But what if the exact opposite were true?

When we allow ourselves to dabble, to be amateurs, to be just okay at things, our brains literally become more adaptable and our nervous systems learn to stay grounded in the midst of risk, uncertainty, and vulnerability. Just as importantly, leaders who model dabbling create spaces where families, teams, and communities are safe to embrace curiosity and exploration.

Resilient leadership requires us to meet high-stakes challenges with adaptability, grounded presence, and compassion. Intentional amateurship prepares us for life’s curveballs by building those skills in low-stakes settings.

Today’s guest returns to make the case for being a dabbler as a practice of freedom, resilience, and leadership. She shows us how choosing to play, experiment, and simply try expands our capacity for presence and courage.

Karen Walrond is an award-winning author, speaker, and leadership coach on a mission to create a kindness revolution.

Her books encourage readers to identify their values and inner light and use them to make the world brighter for others. Audiences around the world have left her keynotes inspired with hope and a renewed determination to serve. And her one-on-one leadership coaching sessions, workshops and retreats, rooted in the tenets of positive psychology coaching, have helped hundreds of clients unearth their gifts and past triumphs to lead with confidence, compassion and kindness.

Karen and her family split their time between Houston, Texas, USA and Bath, Somerset, UK.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The restorative power of doing something purely for the love of it
How following her curiosity has shaped Karen’s career and how she protects her amateur pursuits
How Karen’s dabbling adventures tapped into her seven attributes of intentional amateurism
How intentional amateurship helps embed self-care, self-compassion, and self-transcendence into our lives
How practicing being an amateur helps us bring curiosity, compassion, and resilience to our leadership
Why the humbling experiences of dabbling are a vital reminder for leaders that they’re in it alongside their teams

Learn more about Karen Walrond:

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Resources:

EP 139: Bad Bosses Aren't Born, They're Made: Breaking Toxic Leadership Cycles with Mita Malick

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 19 Sep 2025 03:00:00 -0400

We’ve all had bad bosses.

We might have even been one. At the very least, we’ve probably let people down who counted on us.

We all carry burdens from our past that show up in how we lead. And we’re all confronting systems that foster toxic workplace cultures where overwork and blurred boundaries are the norm, spaces that don’t feel safe or generative, and where there is little to no accountability.

The question we face is simple, but urgent: How do we want to lead?

Our leadership can reinforce toxic systems and norms. Or we can learn to recognize our own burdens and do the work to become more aware, adaptable, and flexible. We can create spaces where people feel seen, heard, and valued, even when systems feel unstable or unfair.

Because leading is about deciding, in every moment, whether we respond from our burdens or from our values.

And my guest today helps us reflect on those choices and decide how we want to lead through her own lived experiences with bad bosses.

Mita Mallick is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author who is on a mission to fix what’s broken in our workplaces. She’s a corporate change maker with a track record of transforming businesses and has had an extensive career as a marketing and human resources executive.

Mallick is a highly sought-after speaker who has advised Fortune 500 companies and start-ups alike. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice and was named to the Thinkers 50 Radar List. She’s a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Adweek, and Entrepreneur. Mallick has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Time Magazine, Forbes, Axios, Essence, Cosmopolitan Magazine and Business Insider.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Three scenarios where leaders commonly shift into being bad bosses
Key reasons why we tolerate bad bosses and what we can do to shift the culture
Why Mita’s 13 archetypal bad bosses persist in our workplaces
Why leaders have to invest time and connection in their team members if they want to retain them
Why another executive coaching program will not fix a truly bad boss
The number one skill leaders can focus on to become a better boss
Why corporate America needs more humility and vulnerability

Learn more about Mita Mallick:

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Resources:

EP 138: Unburdened Eating: How Healing Your Relationship with Food Transforms Your Leadership with Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 05 Sep 2025 03:00:00 -0400

How we care for ourselves is inextricably connected to how we lead.

In a culture where we moralize health and sell wellness as a symbol of worth, where we’re obsessed with productivity and optimization, our relationships with food and our bodies go beyond personal struggles.

They shape how we lead, how we show up for others, and how we define success. When leaders model extreme routines, restrictive regimens, or performance-based wellness, they may unintentionally perpetuate shame and comparison–even if they intend to inspire or be helpful.

This isn’t a dismissal of health. Caring for our bodies, feeding ourselves well, and seeking movement that feels good and helps our bodies be strong are powerful acts of self-respect.

But when an obsession with performance and purity–whether through hustle culture or “clean” living–erodes our self-trust and amplifies our inner critics, it becomes a leadership issue.

Today’s guest is an eating disorder specialist who understands how shame, perfectionism, and chronic striving get tangled up in how we feed and care for ourselves, and how we show up in the world. Unburdening our relationship with food and body isn’t just about health; it’s a powerful leadership move.

As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro has specialized in treating eating issues and trauma for close to 30 years. She trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) before discovering the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. Dr. Catanzaro served as the director of a day treatment program for eating disorders for two years and is currently the Vice President of the Internal Family Systems Institute. She is the author of the book, Unburdened Eating: Healing Your Relationships with Food and Your Body Using an Internal Family Systems Approach.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why unburdening our relationship with food and body is a continual process, not a three-step plan
How to approach your motivations for how you eat and exercise with curiosity and compassion
How diet culture isn’t just about weight, but reflects wider cultural and systemic beliefs about bodies, health, beauty, and worth
How value judgments about how we and others eat protect us from vulnerability and reinforce hierarchies
Why it’s impossible to fixate on your own body without your self-judgment rubbing off onto others
Common wellness traps that can feed our inner managers and protectors at the expense of our core self-knowledge

Learn more about Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro:

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Resources:

EP 137: The Summer Willis Act: From Silence to Systems Change with Summer Willis

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 22 Aug 2025 03:00:00 -0400

What does it take to lead when your story becomes the story, and the stakes are survival and justice?

When you’ve experienced relational trauma or institutional betrayal, as Judith Herman wrote in Trauma and Recovery, “The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness.”

But silence protects systems, not survivors.

When we do speak up, at best we’re often told to move on, and at worst we might face violent pushback. The stress and fear from the blowback can all too easily silence us and chip away at our integrity and adaptability if we don’t do the important work to address the toll it takes.

But when we give ourselves permission to feel the overwhelm, and still take one step forward, we shift from silence into action. Sometimes that step is public and loud. Sometimes it's private and steady. All of it counts. There is no one right way to advocate for change.

My guest today did more than just share her story; she used it to create meaningful change in her home state of Texas. In this conversation, we discuss what it means to bear the weight of your trauma while advocating for others, the emotional toll of being a public face for change, and what it looks like to keep showing up, even when the system makes it difficult.

Summer Willis is an endurance athlete, advocate, and mother of two who ran 29 marathons in a year to raise awareness for sexual assault survivors. She is the namesake of the Summer Willis Act, landmark consent legislation passed in Texas. Through storytelling, extreme challenges, and her nonprofit Strength Through Strides, she empowers others to turn pain into purpose.

Content note: discussion of sexual assault

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The legal loophole in Texas law that ignited Summer’s drive to turn her worst experience into tangible change for millions of survivors
How sharing her story and raising awareness and support for the law connected Summer to a wide community of survivors and allies when she was feeling isolated
Why she decided to run 29 marathons before her 30th birthday while sharing her story, and how that challenge evolved into legislative advocacy
How being an endurance athlete helped Summer through legislative challenges and setbacks to get the Summer Willis Act passed
How Summer is bringing in lightness to her life after sharing her story over and over while trying to pass the bill
Why taking the first step and learning along the way are crucial to shaping change

Learn more about Summer Willis:

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Resources:

EP 136: From Overwhelm to Enough: Leading Through Intentional Consumption with Ashlee Piper

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 08 Aug 2025 03:00:00 -0400

What do you care about these days?

Caring is the currency of leadership, but here’s the paradox: when we care too much about too many things, we can lose sight of the things that truly matter.

So the question is: How do you direct your energy toward what you value, without becoming overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things you could care about?

The most effective leaders are those who can connect deeply with their teams, foster trust, and create a sense of safety and belonging. They lead with empathy, not just strategy.

But perfectionism and overfunctioning can lead us to feel like we need to be everything to everyone, at the expense of our well-being and, ultimately, the quality of our leadership.

For many of us, the path to effective leadership begins with finding your enough. When you shift your lens to honoring your enough, you stay connected to your values and to the people and causes that matter most to you, without tipping into exhaustion.

My guest today offers a model of what it’s like to care deeply without losing yourself in the process, and of finding joy and community along the way.

Ashlee Piper is a sustainability expert, commentator, and speaker whose work has been widely featured on television and in print media. She is the author of Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet. and No New Things: A Radically Simple 30-Day Guide to Saving Money, the Planet, and Your Sanity.

Piper has spoken at the United Nations, SXSW, and has a popular TED talk. She is the creator of the #NoNewThings Challenge, for which she received a 2022 Silver Stevie Award for Female Innovator of the Year, and is a professor of sustainability marketing. She holds a BA from Brown University and a master’s degree from the University of Oxford. She lives in Chicago in a home that’s 98 percent secondhand and can often be found singing Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose” at any not-so-fine karaoke establishment.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How #NoNewThings grew from a personal 30-day goal to attracting thousands of participants and becoming a book
How taking a break from consumption helped Ashlee refocus on the values and relationships that matter most
How marketers game our mental and physical states to sell us things, and a simple way to bring awareness to our own consumption patterns
Why #NoNewThings emphasizes intentionality with purchases over strictly not spending
Why “sustainable” is the new “natural” and tips for making more informed choices
How recognizing our “enough” makes space for building community, getting involved, and living our values

Learn more about Ashlee Piper:

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Resources:

EP 135: Disability Joy and Persistent Leadership: Honoring Our Full Humanity with Tiffany Yu

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 25 Jul 2025 03:00:00 -0400

We persist for what matters most—for the people we lead, and the people we love.

But persistence can start to feel like just another weight to carry, another demand that drains us.

And people are tired. So many of us are balancing caregiving, leadership, advocacy, a constant firehose of urgent crises, and maybe sneaking in some rest. So sure, persistence sounds good, but how do we keep going without flaming out?

We learn how to prune our proverbial gardens.

Pruning, whether a tomato plant or an out-of-control to-do list, requires focusing on the present so we can remove what no longer serves, while protecting what still has life in it. It’s persistence in action. It’s what keeps us from burning it all down and walking away or from our commitments taking over our lives.

Today’s guest offers us a masterclass in persistence. She started small. When resistance showed up, she didn’t just push through. She revisited her vision. She stayed in relationship with mentors and worked in community. And over time, she has built a global movement for disability, visibility, equity, and justice.

On today’s 35th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, Tiffany Yu shares a reminder that persistence isn’t about doing it all right away or quitting when it’s too much. It’s about staying focused, refining our vision, and staying connected to supportive people and your mission.

Tiffany Yu is the CEO and Founder of Diversability, a 3x TEDx speaker, and the author of The Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive World. She started her career at Goldman Sachs and was named to the 2025 Forbes Accessibility 100 List. At the age of 9, Tiffany became disabled as a result of a car accident that also took the life of her father.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the seeds of Tiffany’s disability activism were sown during her time at Georgetown
How Tiffany’s delayed processing of her grief and trauma impacted her ability to connect with disabled joy
Why it matters that all of us get invested in prioritizing accessibility and inclusion for the disability community
Why accessibility is about more than just utility and needs to address the wholeness of people with disabilities
What leaders can do now to craft more accessible and inclusive spaces and events
The importance of community and using your influence to build bridges in the face of setbacks

Learn more about Tiffany Yu:

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EP 134: Focus, Feel, Forward: Redefining Leadership for the Long Haul with Amanda Litman

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 11 Jul 2025 03:00:00 -0400

How do we lead in the face of fear, when the stakes feel sky high and relentlessly personal?

The realities of political violence, hostility, and burnout shape how we show up. And they can chip away at your generous heart, opening the path for cynicism and doubt.

But if we can focus on what matters most, feel through our emotions–and help others do the same–and orient our gaze forward to the vision of our lives, work, and world that we want, we create an energy that cynicism can’t easily break down, even through setbacks.

We need to protect our hope and conviction that change is possible. The future is not a done deal. We have choices about how it unfolds.

In this Unburdened Leader conversation, we explore what it takes to lead with clarity, protect our capacity, and still believe that change is possible, even when everything around us tries to tell us otherwise.

Amanda Litman is the cofounder and president of Run for Something, which recruits and supports young, diverse leaders running for local office. Since 2017, they’ve launched the careers of thousands of millennials and Gen Z candidates and in the process, changed what leadership looks like in America. She’s the author of two books: When We’re In Charge: The Next Generation’s Guide to Leadership and Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself, a how-to manual for people running for office.

Before launching Run for Something, Amanda worked on multiple presidential and statewide political campaigns. She graduated from Northwestern University and lives in Brooklyn with her husband, two daughters, and their sometimes rowdy dog.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Amanda and the team at Run for Something support candidates in the face of real and present fears for their safety
Why Gen Z’s refusal to accept “the way things are done” is energy we need
Why Amanda believes in the optimism of looking to what is possible
Why getting involved on the local level is a powerful counter to pessimism
The major disconnect of pop leadership advice with how most people encounter leadership
How our current moment is making leadership uniquely challenging, isolating, and exhausting
Why leadership isn’t about being your full self at work, but about responsible authenticity

Learn more about Amanda Litman:

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Resources:

EP 133: Beyond Nostalgia: Leading Through Constant Uncertainty with Chris Hoff, LMFT

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 27 Jun 2025 03:00:00 -0400

Nostalgia can be a balm. Especially when we’re in what feels like a never-ending season of upheaval and change, where every time we start to get our footing, something shifts yet again.

When we’re in the throes of change–in the liminal space, the in-between, the in-betwixt–we as human beings are neurologically wired to seek out what’s known, to reach for comfort and what feels like home. And nostalgia does that for us. It’s no wonder we look back fondly on simpler times, real or imagined.

Because nostalgia isn’t necessarily the truth. And nostalgia doesn’t always serve our growth. Connecting over “Remember when?” can too easily divide us when it becomes a rigid longing for a past that excludes and harms others or ignores painful truths.

So many of us are living and leading in the confusion, disorientation, and discomfort of these liminal spaces of change. Which is why I invited today’s guest to join me for a conversation about the pulls of nostalgia, the discomfort of liminal space, and the courage it takes to lead ourselves and others through uncertainty without losing our way.

Chris Hoff, PhD, LMFT is a narrative therapist, educator, podcaster, and founder of the California Family Institute. His work explores the intersection of psychotherapy, poststructural theory, and speculative futures. Chris is known for his ability to translate complex ideas into pragmatic tools for clients and clinicians alike. He is the host of The Radical Therapist Podcast and co-editor of An Encyclopedia of Radical Helping. Chris’s teaching, writing, and consulting center the creative, relational, and political dimensions of healing and change.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the concept of liminal space can help us normalize the push-pull of the known and the possible
How the process of Narrative Therapy can help people reclaim agency and possibility
Why building coalitions with shared commitments is vital for making change across our differences
How intentional scenario planning can help people and organizations see what they need to make the best-case scenario more likely
How nostalgia can keep us stuck in problematic storylines about the past

Learn more about Chris Hoff, PhD, LMFT:

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Resources:

EP 132: Why Most Feedback Fails (And How to Make It Actually Work) with Therese Huston, Ph.D.

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 13 Jun 2025 03:00:00 -0400

When you hear the word, feedback, what comes up for you?

Most of us do not have a neutral relationship with feedback. It’s tangled up with our past experiences, workplace power dynamics, cultural expectations, and–importantly–our early relational wounds.

But at its core, feedback is a deeply relational act that has the power to help us unburden rather than re-wound.

Which is why it’s so frustrating that feedback in leadership and workplace culture is so often done without care, rendering the process performative, detached, and isolating.

Some of the constraints that can hamper authentic feedback in the workplace are necessary and protective, but it feels like we’ve lost the plot for the role and purpose of feedback, and in some cases, have abandoned it altogether.

But it is possible to navigate these complex systems intentionally and with clarity. We can make feedback a tool for accountability, care, and growth that helps leaders strengthen their self-awareness and be better advocates for their teams.

My guest today helps us unpack how leaders can cultivate a feedback culture that allows for mistakes, growth, and realignment.

Therese Huston, Ph.D., is a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Faculty Development Consultant at Seattle University. She was the founding director of the university’s Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning and is now a consultant for its Center for Faculty Development. Her latest book Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science is out now from Mayo Clinic Press.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why how and where feedback is delivered matters just as much for positive feedback as negative
Strategies for making feedback a supportive and generative dialogue
Why it’s critical to allow others space to process your feedback before you start problem solving
How starting with your authentic positive intentions can make others more receptive to feedback
Why it’s worth ending the conversation by checking in about their takeaways
How typical feedback can perpetuate disparities in the workplace, and steps leaders can take to change those dynamics
A tip from Therese’s new book to help manage stress and difficult conversations

Learn more about Therese Huston, Ph.D.:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Principles: Life and Work, Ray Dalio
Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, Kim Scott
Nine Lies about Work: A Freethinking Leader's Guide to the Real World, Marcus Buckingham, Ashley Goodall
The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, Michael Bungay Stanier
Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen
The 90 second life cycle of an emotion
Leslie K. John
Personality feedback is holding certain groups back – Textio
Job Burnout At 66% In 2025, New Study Shows
EP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb Dana
The Frozen River, Ariel Lawhon
Adele - Skyfall
Shrinking

EP 131: Leadership, Accountability, and the Self: A Special Anniversary Conversation with IFS Founder Richard Schwartz

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 30 May 2025 03:00:00 -0400

The leaders I work with want to be the kind of leaders who can handle complexity without defaulting to blame, shame, or shutting down.

But when visibility and accountability collide with unhealed relational wounding, it doesn’t matter how many books we’ve read or retreats we’ve attended; our bodies remember. And it can feel deeply uncomfortable.

Discomfort is part of the gig, though. If we let it, it moves us towards being better humans to ourselves and others. True accountability may not always lead to repair and reconnection, but it is a profoundly relational and humanizing practice led by values, justice, and grace.

But when discomfort turns to shame, accountability feels threatening rather than connective. And when we fear accountability and its discomfort, it causes more harm.

The work of unburdening is never entirely over, but as Dr. Richard Schwartz reminded me in today’s fifth anniversary conversation, the more unburdened we are, the more accountable we become. The more we desire justice. The more we want to see change.

It’s a powerful affirmation of what’s possible when we commit to being Unburdened Leaders.

Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He focused on the relationships among these parts and noticed that there were systemic patterns to the way they were organized across clients. He also found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would spontaneously experience the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self. He found that when in that state of Self, clients would know how to heal their parts.

A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books and over fifty articles about IFS.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How being in Self allows us to act assertively without igniting defensiveness
How IFS can help us maintain our empathy and compassion without burning out
The challenges and risks of the rapid popularization of IFS via social media
Why being in Self is a continuum not a binary
Why Dr. Schwartz has a pep talk with his parts every day, even after decades of doing the work
How he’s navigating increasing media exposure while staying true to his values and IFS principles
How Self creates a natural desire for accountability in our inner and outer worlds

Learn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:

IFS Institute

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 130: The Unburdened Leader Roundtable Sessions: Autism and Leadership with Eric Garcia and Meg Raby Klinghoffer

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 16 May 2025 03:00:00 -0400

Fear of the unfamiliar is a powerful force.

And when it comes to autism, we don’t only have a knowledge problem, we have a courage problem.

We’ve all seen or experienced the harm that comes with labels, bullying, and social exclusion.

But reflexively protecting ourselves keeps us locked in a cycle of ignoring the need for real education beyond tropes or inspiration porn and keeps us from normalizing the varied needs and supports for autistics instead of perpetuating these supports as burdens or flaws.

So, how can we, as leaders, challenge ourselves to create a world where everyone is welcome—even those who don’t fit the mold?

We invite autistic voices to the table and platform them in the spaces we live, work, and lead. And we face our fears and discomforts, without getting bogged down with perfectionism and focusing on simply doing the next right thing.

When our director of Health and Human Services is using his position to spread narratives about autistic people that are not only inaccurate, but dangerous, we have to embrace and speak up for inclusion. Inclusion isn’t always easy or efficient, but it makes us more prosperous as a community, and courage grows becomes a contagion.

Today’s conversation will help you consider how we can move past toxic, dehumanizing views about autistic people and start leading with more compassion and understanding.

Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for The Independent who authors its Inside Washington newsletter. He is also a columnist for MSNBC and the author of We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He previously worked at The Washington Post, The Hill, Roll Call, National Journal, and MarketWatch.

Meg Raby is an autistic female, children’s author of the My Brother Otto series, Speech Language Pathologist, writer for Scary Mommy and full time employee of the nation’s leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion, KultureCity. At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love on the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.

Content note: Brief, non-descriptive mentions of suicide

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the anti-vaccine narrative around autism pulls resources from the actual work of improving outcomes for autistic people
How our relational history can intersect with shame and perfectionism to make us fear a neurodivergent diagnosis
How a deficits-based approach limits our ability to envision what a happy, fulfilling life looks like for autistic people
How validating what’s often underneath fears about autism can more effectively start conversations that change minds
Why making spaces neurodivergent affirming is ongoing work, not a checklist

Learn more about Eric Garcia:

Website
Twitter: @EricMGarcia
Instagram: @EricMGarcia14
We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation

Learn more about Meg Raby Klinghoffer:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 129: Beyond the List: Building Communities of Generosity and Mutual Care with Charles Vogl

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 02 May 2025 03:00:00 -0400

We often hear the advice, “You just need to find your community.”

It sounds simple. Hopeful, even. But it can ring hollow for anyone who has tried to do it, and for those in leadership roles where they carry the additional burdens of responsibility and visibility. And it’s especially fraught advice for anyone who has experienced relational trauma.

Because true community isn’t something you stumble into. It has to be built, slowly and intentionally. And it’s often uncomfortable and messy when we’re healing from experiences where reaching for connection resulted in hurt and betrayal.

But human beings are wired for connection. We long for it. And we’re more disconnected from each other than ever.

The remedy for our loneliness is in the slow, awkward, sacred work of showing up and staying, even through discomfort and disagreement. If we lay foundations of shared dignity and respect, we can build courageously honest relationships and community in those uncomfortable spaces.

My guest today joins me to explore the intricate journey of building a true community, one that transcends buzzwords and embraces the courage to be vulnerable and honest, to disagree, repair, and stay genuinely connected.

Charles Vogl is an adviser, speaker, and the author of three books, including the international bestseller The Art of Community.

His work is used to advise and develop leadership and programs worldwide within organizations including Google, Airbnb, LinkedIn, Twitch, Amazon, ServiceNow, Meetup.com, Wayfair and the US Army.

Charles holds an M.Div. from Yale, where he studied spiritual traditions, ethics, and business as a Jesse Ball duPont Foundation scholar.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How a seemingly simple ritual of Friday dinners turned Charles’s house into a community hub
Why investing in community building will always require some amount of intention and effort
How Charles’s experiences working for social change shaped his skill for bringing people together around shared purpose and values
The difference between true community and what Charles calls “mirage communities”
What holds leaders back from creating spaces where real relationships and community can be built
The importance of “campfire experiences” for developing trust and admiration
Why we need to invite others in, not just announce our plans and hope they show up

Learn more about Charles Vogl:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 128: The Humanity Behind the Science: Challenging Misinformation with Empathy featuring Dr. Jess Steier

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 18 Apr 2025 03:00:00 -0400

Many things we once widely accepted as true and considered non-controversial galvanize intense debates.

Leaders are often advised to stay neutral, to not get political when these issues come up in their organizations.

Of course leaders should be mindful of what they discuss, how, and with whom. But that isn’t the same as being apolitical or neutral. In fact, our collective discomfort with being political often has less to do with neutrality and more to do with avoiding discomfort or even silencing conversations outright.

When leaders stifle discussions because they fear losing control, that’s not neutrality, that’s avoidance. And avoidance doesn’t make a space safe; it makes it fragile.

As leaders of teams from different backgrounds, lived experiences, and viewpoints, it is neither responsible nor possible to be truly neutral. But what we can do is create cultures of openness, generosity, and meaningful discussion. And in a time when science, health, food security, education, and mental well-being are being politicized, it’s essential.

In the second part of this series on science communication, my guest is an incredible leader, scientist, and science communicator. She shares critical reflections on what we can do to fight misinformation, regardless of our training and expertise.

Jessica Steier, DrPH, PMP is a public health scientist, advocate, science communicator, and Co-Founder and CEO of Unbiased Science. She is driven by a mission to bridge divides and foster trust through empathetic, evidence-based communication. As the founder of the Unbiased Science podcast and newsletter, she is committed to breaking free from echo chambers and tackling health and science literacy with clarity and compassion. Dr. Steier specializes in evaluation science, leveraging data and storytelling to inform health policy and program improvement. Her work focuses on building connections, encouraging dialogue, and making complex scientific concepts accessible to diverse audiences.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How pop understandings of science-related buzzwords make communication harder
How Jessica works to account for her own biases when creating content
Why connection and empathy are key to beginning to break down misinformation
How connection without expertise, especially on social media, creates a flood of misinformation
Why we have to address the roots of people’s mistrust of scientific institutions
How Jessica and other science communicators are supporting each other through online abuse
What to watch out for when influencers talk about health and wellness
The real risks and impacts of some of the most common health misinformation

Learn more about Dr. Jessica Steier:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 127: Hard on Ideas, Not People: Fighting Fiction with Facts (and a Little Humor) with Dr. Jonathan N. Stea

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 04 Apr 2025 03:00:00 -0400

The issues at stake—our health, our rights, how we educate our kids—demand a lot from us. Yet, in today’s attention economy, leaders don’t always earn influence through integrity and truth. Instead, they master the art of capturing emotions, feeding fears, and speaking to lived experiences, often amplifying misinformation rather than challenging it.

When leaders step into the fight against misinformation, they take on enormous risks and the consequences are very real, from open hostility to verbal abuse to death threats.

Staying engaged in these difficult conversations requires more than just knowledge; it demands emotional regulation, capacity for conflict, and self-awareness.

This is where unprocessed relational trauma can shape how a leader navigates conflict. But leaders who work through these wounds develop the ability to hold tension without collapsing or attacking.

Developing this capacity for conflict is critical today. Because in an era when science is under siege, how we engage in conflict matters just as much as the facts themselves.

In the first of two conversations with leaders who model how to engage with critics without feeding the outrage machine, today’s guest shares his approach to tackling conflict and misinformation in science and health spaces, one where we engage with rigor and compassion without bending to the pressures of false equivalence. He understands that courage isn’t about shouting the loudest; it’s about staying grounded in your values, standing firm in the truth, and being authentic and creative in capturing much-coveted attention.

Dr. Jonathan N. Stea is a full-time practicing clinical psychologist and an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Calgary. He’s a two-time winner of the University of Calgary’s Award for Excellence in Clinical Supervision and co-editor of the book Investigating Clinical Psychology: Pseudoscience, Fringe Science, and Controversies. Dr. Stea has published extensively, with regular contributions to Scientific American and Psychology Today, among other outlets, and has appeared on numerous mainstream television and radio shows, as well as podcasts.

His book, Mind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness Industry, aims to educate and embolden those who wish to make informed decisions about their mental health, to improve science and mental health literacy, and to pull back the curtain on the devastating consequences of allowing pseudoscience promoters to target the vulnerable within our society.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How witnessing his mother’s health struggles as a child shaped both Jonathan’s career trajectory and his compassion for those who seek alternative treatments
Why testimonials and other anecdotal evidence are actually warning signs of pseudoscience
How the placebo effect impacts our perception of the effectiveness of alternative cures
How not all grifters have malicious intent, though they can cause significant harm
Breaking down common factors that make us susceptible to misinformation
How Jonathan has learned to cope with trolls and challenge pseudoscience with humor

Learn more about Dr. Jonathan Stea:

Website
X: @jonathanstea
Facebook: @drjonathanstea
Instagram: @dr_jonathan_stea
Threads: @dr_jonathan_stea
Mind the Science Newsletter
Mind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness Industry

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 126: Authenticity in Action: Speaking Up, Holding Nuance, and Leading with Courage with Dr. Jamie Marich

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 21 Mar 2025 03:00:00 -0400

Given our political situation in the United States, you may be hearing a lot of people–myself included–talk about living your values. Not just professing them, but really living them, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard work that requires a lot of internal fortitude.

But we so often default to acting against our values in order to protect ourselves and those we love from real or perceived danger–to our jobs, our reputations, dignity, physical safety, and more. We try to protect ourselves with compliance, while our silence does real harm to others.

Those who have a history of relational trauma are especially likely to fear speaking up, even as they know their values and moral expectations are being violated. This collision of relational trauma with moral injury reinforces beliefs that the world is unsafe and that people in power cannot be trusted.

My guest today is a survivor of abuse and cultish communities. She leans on her experiences of relational trauma and moral injury in her writing, teaching, and advocacy. The ongoing healing of her relational and betrayal wounds allows her to lead with courage and clarity, especially when it is not easy or convenient.

Jamie Marich, Ph.D. (she/they) speaks internationally on EMDR therapy, trauma, addiction, dissociation, expressive arts, yoga, and mindfulness. They also run a private practice and online training network in their home base of Akron, OH. Marich has written numerous books, notably Trauma and the 12 Steps: An Inclusive Guide to Recovery and Dissociation Made Simple: A Stigma-Free Guide to Embracing Your Dissociative Mind and Navigating Life. She has won numerous awards for LGBT+ and mental health advocacy, specifically in reducing stigma around dissociative disorders through the sharing of her own lived experience.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Jamie learned to have more compassion for her mother as the bystander in the course of writing her memoir
How asking can I make a change here? can aid in deciding when and how to speak up
How binary judgments of healthy or unhealthy, healed or unhealed devalue the lifelong journey and process of healing
How to deflate your own judgments about where others are in their own journeys
Why leaders in health and wellness spaces need to be wary of one true way thinking
How Jamie unpacked the concept of forgiveness from her religious childhood and made space for compassion and letting go
How growing up pretending everything was fine made Jamie value authenticity more fiercely as an adult

Learn more about Dr. Jamie Marich:

Website
Redefine Therapy
The Institute for Creative Mindfulness
Instagram: @drjamiem, @traumatherapistrants
TikTok: @traumatherapistrants
YouTube: @DrJamieMM
You Lied to Me About God

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Resources:

EP 125: Power, Regulation, and Leadership: Connecting to Your Personal Power with Dr. Amanda Aguilera

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 07 Mar 2025 03:00:00 -0500

In Twelve Step programs, the first step, as I understand it, is recognizing that we are powerless to heal alone.

We cannot overcome addiction, trauma, or systemic oppression through sheer willpower or individual effort. Healing, recovery, and meaningful change require connection, support, and systems that foster growth.

All true! But we should not make a virtue out of being powerless.

Recognizing what is beyond your ability isn’t the same as accepting that you are powerless to change. Powerlessness is, in fact, a protective response that disconnects us from our personal power.

When we conflate protection with powerlessness, we risk internalizing the very dynamics that keep us trapped in authoritarian systems—whether in families, partnerships, workplaces, faith communities, or governments.

Power-over systems create environments where speaking up feels dangerous, where challenging authority risks humiliation or exile. But no matter the system or oppression, we always retain what Right Use of Power methodology calls our personal power. And that’s precisely why authoritarian structures work so hard to make us feel otherwise.

Owning your personal power in an authoritarian system requires deep, intentional work. And we cannot do it alone.

My guest today will introduce you to the types of power in the Right Use of Power framework and help you reconnect with your personal power so that you can stand firm and do hard, scary, necessary things.

Dr. Amanda Aguilera currently serves as the Executive Director of the Right Use of Power Institute and a Trusted Advisor at The Ally Co. She has dedicated most of her career to helping people and organizations understand systems, conflict, and social power dynamics to create right relationship and a sense of belonging. She has a knack for making difficult conversations easier, complex ideas more accessible, and resistance more workable. Integrating power, contemplative practices, neurobiology, and restorative practices, she works by finding a balance of head and heart and facilitating the co-creation of strategic maps that lead us forward in a more equitable way.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the Right Use of Power framework gave Amanda language to understand and articulate power
Why power itself is fundamentally neutral
How Right Use of Power reframes power as a dynamic and not a possession
Breaking down the six types of power from personal to universal
Why direct challenges to status power are so often destabilizing
How undeveloped personal power leads people to do harm with their role and status power
Why we have to become aware of how power exists in our relationships
How developing our personal power helps us to participate in the collective power that can actually challenge systems
How leaders can foster healthy power differential relationships

Learn more about Dr. Amanda Aguilera:

Right Use of Power Institute
Instagram: @rightuseofpowerinstitute

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 124: Doing the Work: Internal Family Systems and Creativity with Sacha Mardou

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 21 Feb 2025 03:00:00 -0500

Toxic leadership stems from the burdens of unresolved trauma and difficult life experiences.

When you don’t do the work to regulate your nervous system, the parts of you that protect you through mico-managing, shaming, blaming, not trusting anyone, or worse will eventually wreak havoc on your career, those you lead, and your own capacity for discomfort.

So, what does it look like for you to commit to doing the work?

Maybe you go to therapy or coaching, or adopt practices to deepen your self-awareness and reflection. The trouble is, “doing the work” can easily turn into navel-gazing or intellectualizing. The same tools that might help you unburden can also be used to numb out. We so often are sold the idea that we will overcome and be done with it that we bypass doing the real, deep, lifelong work.

Today’s guest illustrates–literally–what it looks and feels like to commit to doing powerful work. Her gorgeous new graphic novel, Past Tense, shares her windy and beautiful journey of doing the work through the lens of Internal Family Systems.

Sacha Mardou was born in Macclesfield in 1975 and grew up in Manchester, England. She began making comics after getting her BA in English Literature from the University of Wales, Lampeter. Her critically acclaimed graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, was named an outstanding comic of 2015 by the Village Voice and shortlisted for the 2016 Slate Studio Prize.

Since 2019 she has been making comics about therapy and healing. Her graphic memoir Past Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy is out now. Since 2005 she has lived in St Louis, Missouri with her cartoonist husband Ted May, their daughter and two disruptive cats.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How going to therapy for what she thought was just anxiety became a journey of unpacking her past
How her therapist helped her “correct the picture” she’d been holding of people and events of her childhood
How Sacha adapted her private sketched therapy notes into the comics she shares publicly
How working with IFS to process her childhood has impacted her present-day relationships
How the IFS process has helped Sacha recast her difficult experiences as gifts and strengths and her story as valuable
How Sacha approached writing her book wholeheartedly, while still protecting her boundaries

Learn more about Sacha Mardou:

Website
Past Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy
Instagram: @mardou_draws
Facebook: @sachamardou

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb Dana

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 03:00:00 -0500

These days, the call for leaders to be adaptable, agile, flexible, clear, focused, and calm could lead many to think it's not okay to feel or that you need to be a robot.

We minimize our feelings and put on a brave face until we can no longer fake it, sometimes in the name of being “regulated.”

When there's a trend in language or an approach to healing, it can sometimes be reductive in how it's taught, explained, or understood. Concepts drawn from Polyvagal Theory, like regulation and activation, are no exception.

How some talk about regulation and dysregulation can create pressure to diminish our humanity so that we don't emote, and cause us to criticize someone if they're upset.

In reality, Polyvagal Theory offers a powerful addition to your toolbox for leading yourself and others well while staying aligned with your values.

When we work towards helping our nervous systems become more agile and adaptable by putting in the reps and working to understand our systems and our stories, we can offer those we love and lead a greater sense of curiosity, compassion, and connection. And we will have enough boundaries and guardrails to know when to tap out, take a break, and ask for help.

Today’s guest teaches and discusses these topics so that we can learn to regulate our nervous systems better and connect better with others.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why regulation is not a static state but an ongoing dynamic experience
How understanding the subconscious survival responses of the nervous system under stress can help us learn to regulate and repair
Why we can’t discount or dismiss the messages our survival responses are trying to give us
How even micro-moments of responding to our nervous systems’ needs can create change
How building capacity to resourcing regulation increases our capacity to sit with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the world
How leaders can use Polyvagal Theory concepts to create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they lead

Learn more about Deb Dana:

Rhythm of Regulation

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 122: 2024 Debrief: Rhythms, Reps, and Metabolizing Loss

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 17 Jan 2025 03:00:00 -0500

I know I’m not alone in feeling like 2024 was a year. So many of us are still working through everything that happened as we wonder exactly what lies ahead.

As part of that reflection on the year past and preparing for the year ahead, long-time listeners may know that I am a big believer in debriefing. I debrief weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually, and each year, I share my annual debrief with you.

This debrief includes personal reflections about events in my life, how my words of the year brought some interesting data to light and guided my actions, and themes about what’s working and what’s not working as we begin the new year.

Content note: Discussion of death by suicide

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How my words of the year–rhythm and reps–challenged some of my deeply engrained habits and unrealistic expectations
How a series of events in my personal life led to shifts in my rhythms and reps and deeper healing
What 35 tomato plants taught me about priorities and planning
Wisdom that stuck with me from live talks by Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne Lamott
Experiences that brought me joy last year and why joy is essential to doing the hard work ahead
Managing anger and outrage in our political climate through curiosity and healing, unburdened leadership

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 121: Loving the Other Side: Leadership That Bridges Divides with Frank Anderson

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 03:00:00 -0500

As I’ve been reflecting on the past year, themes of relational trauma, betrayal trauma, and shame have come up again and again in our culture at large and in the work I do with leaders.

Relational and betrayal traumas disrupt our ability to trust—ourselves, others, and even the world around us. These wounds often linger in ways we don’t fully see. They impact how we navigate relationships, handle conflict, and lead ourselves and others.

And far, far too often, these unaddressed, unhealed traumas beget shame. Shame is one of the most destructive forces in leadership and relationships.

When leaders operate out of shame, it’s volatile and dangerous. It hurts both those who wield it and those who experience it. Healing shame requires sharing our pain with those who have earned the right to hear our stories—those who can hold space for us with compassion, accountability, and empathy.

Empathy is the antidote to shame, and it’s also what transforms leadership. Leaders who can navigate challenges with compassion, even under immense pressure, create trust, relational resilience, and growth environments.

In today’s replay of my conversation with Dr. Frank Anderson, he reminds us that healing isn’t just personal—it’s deeply relational. He also offers the provocative idea that we all have the capacity to be healers and the capacity to harm.

When we commit to healing, we reclaim our ability to lead with clarity, compassion, and courage.

Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who’s spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public.

Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why it was so important for Frank to tell his story from a place of healing and love, even for the people who hurt him the most
How releasing fear, anger, and shame makes space for forgiveness, healing, and love
Why forgiveness and relational healing can only come after processing and releasing the trauma of what happened within yourself
Why Frank says that healing is possible, but we’re never done healing
How holding onto divisive binary thinking harms all of us and keeps our culture from healing
How holding space with love and empathy can help people acknowledge what happened and accept accountability
How unprocessed trauma causes us to repeat toxic patterns in our lives

Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

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EP 120: Permission to Pause: How Glimmers Fuel Creativity and Leadership with Amanda Jones

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 06 Dec 2024 03:00:00 -0500

When was the last time you felt truly moved by something you saw or heard?

It could be a piece of art or music, a line from a book or poem, being with someone you love, or even a perfect bite of food, but those moments that stop us in our tracks are more than fleeting pleasures.

These “glimmers” create space for our bodies to exhale so that we can experience wonder, awe, and joy.

Learning to recognize and lean into these moments isn’t just about respite from the hard things; they help us navigate challenging times by reminding us that humans need connection, creativity, and hope.

Today’s guest is a multi-disciplinary artist whose work invites us into a world of creativity and intention. It is a testament to the necessity of nurturing creativity and wonder, and what’s possible when we follow their pull as allies in our journey to love and lead with boldness and integrity.

Amanda Jones is an artist, poet, and filmmaker living and working in the northern beaches of Sydney Australia. Amanda studied ‘Contemporary dance and choreography’ at the School of Creative Arts and ‘Styling and creative direction’ at Whitehouse Fashion Institute. She founded her film production company One Minute Film in 2015 working with clients such as The Iconic, Nimble Activewear, and Barre Body. In 2021 Amanda published her first book Diary of a Freelancer, its success shifted her work into her full-time art practice.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How early experiences at the intersection of creativity and commerce shaped Amanda’s career trajectory
How Amanda realized that some pieces of her journals were meant to be shared
Why her journaling practice is vital to both her personal life and her work life
How Amanda approached self-publishing her book to make it a piece of art and embrace its mistakes
How balancing play and discipline as she takes on a new medium helps Amanda combat imposter syndrome
How Amanda protects her creativity and imagination despite our challenging world

Learn more about Amanda Jones:

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Resources:

EP 119: Choosing Health Over Hustle: A Radical Reimagining of Success and Survival with Kirsten Powers

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 22 Nov 2024 03:00:00 -0500

Have you ever looked around and felt that the way you live and work isn’t sustainable?

It’s hard to find anyone who hasn’t felt the weight of this relentless pace and the intense pressure to keep up as if this is just how modern life has to be.

But what if it doesn’t have to be this way?

Our culture in the U.S. is burdened by pressures to keep up, excel, and do it all, often without the support systems to help us carry that load.

What if we paused to question the assumptions driving us to stay so busy and overextended?

Today’s guest invites us to imagine stepping off the hamster wheel and envisioning what it would look like to challenge the norms we’ve been handed about work and life.

We can’t all pack up and move, but we can make small but powerful steps towards a more sustainable way of living, working, and leading.

Kirsten Powers is a New York Times bestselling author and writes the bestselling Substack publication Changing the Channel. Jon Meacham called her most recent book, Saving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Centered and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You Nuts, "a great gift at an urgent hour.”

Kirsten served as an on-air CNN senior political analyst for seven years. She has been a columnist for USA Today, the Daily Beast and the New York Post, and a political analyst at Fox News. Before her career in journalism, Kirsten was a political appointee in the Clinton Administration, worked in New York Democratic politics and was Vice President for International Communications at AOL, Inc.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Kirsten’s awakening to the fact that American culture is “not normal”
How neoliberalism reshaped our relationship with work, class, and consumerism
A reality check on what it takes to make radical changes in your life, at home or abroad
How unpacking paradigms about work and being busy has led Kirsten to question so many other norms in American life
The intense and long-term physical toll of our culture’s obsession with overwork
What gives Kirsten hope that America can do and be better in the future

Learn more about Kirsten Powers:

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Resources:

EP 118: Leading Through Uncertainty: The Power of Compassionate Presence

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 15 Nov 2024 03:00:00 -0500

Humans tend to crave certainty. In the face of the unknown, we rely on prescriptions and narratives to help us feel better and make sense of what we can’t yet see coming.

For many, sitting with uncertainty like what we are facing now, post-election in the United States, is deeply unsettling and even destabilizing. They brace for what might come next, anxious and ruminating, and looking for answers.

It’s a natural human response, but it can also leave us stuck in a loop that offers no comfort, only more fear and anxiety.

People will look to the leaders around them for comfort and for answers. And while you may not be able to provide the definitive answers anyone seeks, you can help those you lead and love feel supported and grounded as we all navigate these difficult times.

Today, I’m sharing strategies, practices, and thoughts that can help us move through uncertainty, for ourselves and the ones we love and lead.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How and why to establish “certainty anchors” for those you lead
Why an honest, compassionate presence is more beneficial than pretending you have all the answers
Why we need to balance courage and comfort, and the fine line between caring and caretaking
Why finding grounding routines is essential, no matter how small or scrappy or imperfect
How claiming your personal power and agency will help you feel less stuck
How we build trust and resilience in our relationships amidst uncertainty

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya Chemaly

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 08 Nov 2024 03:00:00 -0500

When you think about resilience, what comes to mind?

Our culture loves narratives about triumphing over hardship. And overcoming pain, heartbreak, and even abuse can make us stronger.

However, uplifting “overcoming” too often comes at the expense of actually examining and addressing the lack of care, protection, and support people had to navigate on their path to resilience. We valorize grit and perseverance at the cost of people’s health and wellbeing, encouraging them to just keep pushing past the point of burnout.

My guest today pulls back the curtain on these narratives of overcoming adversity and building resilience to find that so much of the adversity people face is rooted in how we fail to care for ourselves and each other in our society. Real resilience, she says, isn’t about your own personal toughness; it’s about how we relate to and support each other.

Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the author of The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma and Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR. She has contributed to several anthologies, most recently Free Speech in the Digital Age and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change The World. Soraya is also a co-producer of a WMC #NameItChangeIt PSA highlighting the effects of online harassment on women in politics in America.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Soraya made the connection between our toxic ideology of resilience and how we devalue community support and care
How the idea of “bouncing back” can actually impede change, both personal and social
How resilience narratives flatten, decontextualize, and depoliticize trauma and recovery
Why we need to shift our concept of resilience from individual to communal, cultural, and relational
How “soldiering on” can perpetuate a lack of options within the system
The false binaries we have to confront to dismantle the resilience of the status quo
How telling someone they are or need to be resilient shuts down opportunities for real care and support

Learn more about Soraya Chemaly:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 116: Leading through Anger, Hope, and Healing with House Minority Leader Jennifer Konfrst

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 25 Oct 2024 03:00:00 -0400

As the United States approaches one of the most important elections, many people I know are expressing how the current state of affairs is affecting their work, home life, and overall well-being.

With the stress and the chaos, it would be easy to shut down and ask, “Why bother?”

This is why it feels especially timely to bring back my long-time friend, Iowa state representative and state house minority leader, Jennifer Konfrst, to the podcast.

Whether it's a major election, a looming work deadline, or a personal goal, we all carry heavy responsibilities on top of what's happening in our country. I wanted to talk to Jennifer about how she finds the strength to keep going, even when the victories are hard-won or the losses are break-your-heart big.

Jennifer shares her not-so-secret recipe for staying true to her values and community, staying open and seeking support, which helps her avoid falling into despair and hopelessness.

Her perspective is a source of hope, motivation, and a call to keep fighting that many of us need right now.

Jennifer Konfrst teaches public relations & strategic political communication courses at Drake University in Des Moines, IA. Before joining the Drake journalism faculty in 2013, she worked in public relations for 20 years, most recently at Iowa Public Television.

She also serves as an Iowa House of Representatives member, representing the 43rd district since 2019. She is the House minority leader, a position she has held since 2021, and she is the first woman to hold this position in Iowa.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What the Iowa Supreme Court ruling on abortion taught Jennifer about showing up even when you’re devastated and angry
The self-care that is essential for Jennifer in the face of setbacks and struggles at the State House
How Jennifer builds trust in her leadership with her caucus in her role as House Minority Leader
How consistently highlighting and celebrating even small wins helps keep people motivated
How her personal healing work has helped Jennifer allow for disagreement and conflict within her caucus
The challenges of trust with voters, representatives across the aisle, and within her party
The case for getting and staying engaged in politics, especially at the local level

Learn more about Jennifer Konfrst:

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Resources:

EP 115: Permission to Speak: Reclaiming Your Voice Beyond Relational Trauma with Samara Bay

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 11 Oct 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What prevents you from speaking up?

When you were younger, what was your experience when you spoke up? Were you heard, or were you silenced, ignored, or punished?

The echoes of earlier wounds often shape our ability to speak up. Our ability to speak up is often influenced by the burden of past experiences, whether it's in meetings, public forums, or one-on-one conversations, speaking up can feel like a significant risk when past relational traumas resurface.

Even the most confident leaders may carry fears of rejection, judgment, or failure, stemming from previous experiences of not being heard or valued. We may worry about being misunderstood or feel that our words lack significance.

Embracing your voice, even in the face of uncertainty, is a transformative act. It's a journey towards building more courage and leading in alignment with your values.

Speaking with grounded confidence isn't just about exerting authority; it's about fostering trust, connection, and respect within yourself and with those you lead.

Today’s guest lives the principles she teaches on speaking up and showing up with more power, especially for those who hold identities outside of dominant cultural norms. Her work offers us all a powerful road map for speaking up without exiling our story.

Samara Bay is the author of the best-selling book, Permission to Speak, a revolutionary take on public speaking for the future we want. She is a Los Angeles-based speech coach whose clients range from candidates for US Congress to C-suite executives, change-making entrepreneurs, movie stars, and high school girls. She has led workshops and keynotes for groups across various industries, from significant corporations to nonprofit foundations and academic institutions, and her work has been widely featured in the media.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Samara’s work with emerging political leaders caused her to realize that we need to change the narrative of how authority is “supposed” to sound
How she connects losing her voice in grad school to an internalized shame of sounding “different” that people of non-dominant identities carry
Why we need to shift the narrative to allow authoritative voices to be emotionally honest and vulnerable
The value of using our voices to care out loud and to tell our stories
Why it’s normal to sound different in various settings, as long as we aren’t compromising our integrity
Unpacking common “negative” speech patterns and how they function in our communication
Breaking down the impossible balancing acts of archetypes we expect of women in power

Learn more about Samara Bay:

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Resources:

EP 114: Why Bother? Navigating Burnout and Rediscovering Purpose with Jennifer Louden

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 03:00:00 -0400

When was the last time you said, “Why bother?”

When overwhelm, exhaustion, burnout, and the weight of responsibility set in, it's easy to become cynical and ask, "What's the point?"

Cynicism can be a defense mechanism, shielding us from difficult emotions or experiences, but it also traps us in survival mode, limiting our ability to see new possibilities or paths forward.

Constantly being in fight-or-flight mode makes it difficult to think long-term and to rest and reset as needed.

Today, we're exploring what, "Why bother?" really indicates for leaders. It serves as a sign of exhaustion, an overactive nervous system, or even reactivated trauma. Our guest encourages us to transform "Why bother?" from a stuck and cynical question into a productive inquiry that directs us towards what truly matters.

Jennifer Louden invites us to flip the script on “Why bother?” from cynical and stuck to a generative question to lead you toward what really matters to you.

Jennifer has been involved in the self-care movement for years. She authored the bestseller, The Woman’s Comfort Book in 1992 and has since written numerous books on well-being and creative living, including The Woman’s Retreat Book and Why Bother? She enjoys coaching writers and is currently working on a fantasy novel where older women use their power to buy humanity time from the climate crisis.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why the “why bother” stage is a normal part of life, and how it presents an opportunity to reset
How holding too tightly to an identity can keep us from seeing possibilities for change
How exiling and not claiming what we want leads to “why bother”
How taking action on the things that matter to us cultivates hope
How accepting that some things in life are not fixable can liberate us to step into new possibilities
How to begin cultivating a relationship with your desires

Learn more about Jennifer Louden:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 113: Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott Shigeoka

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 13 Sep 2024 03:00:00 -0400

How does curiosity show up in your life, work, and relationships?

Does your curiosity influence your strategy or planning? Or do you follow your curiosity to gain more knowledge or deepen your understanding of topics or viewpoints? Do you lean on curiosity to help you get to know someone better in ways that satisfy your interests or deepen your connection?

Do you keep following your curiosity even if it leads to uncomfortable or unknown places?

Our curiosity can reveal much about us, our interests, and our capacity for hope, discomfort, and imagination. But just as important is HOW we use our curiosity.

When we wield our curiosity to prove a point, we can cause division and harm. And when we use curiosity to honor others and our vulnerability, we can build the bridges necessary to cultivate the spaces we dream about and desire.

Today’s guest has combined his own lived experiences and research on curiosity and bridge-building into a powerful, nuanced book and set of practices on curiosity and how we use it in our relationships.

Scott Shigeoka believes curiosity has the power to transform your life and change the world. It's the key to connection, healing, and personal growth. It's a critical practice for your relationships, leadership, and life satisfaction. In his book, Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, Scott teaches readers to strengthen their curiosity muscles with his signature DIVE method.

Scott has appeared on The Today Show, Harvard Business Review, NPR, The Guardian, and CNBC, and he has spoken at Google, Microsoft, Pixar, IDEO, Meta, Airbnb, and universities and schools around the world and teaches at The University of Texas at Austin.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Scott’s cross-country road trip showed in real-time that approaching fears with curiosity builds connection, understanding, and possibility
The limits and boundaries to approaching others with curiosity in the moment
Why we need to bring curiosity and humility when we catch our own biases
How social and structural power dynamics influence how we balance curiosity, discomfort, and anger in a group
Three key questions to ask yourself to identify if your curiosity about another person or situation is invasive or predatory
How letting go of certainty opens up possibilities and allows for growth

Learn more about Scott Shigeoka:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 112: How Dreamwork Can Shape Better Leaders with Dee Kelley

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 30 Aug 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What is your relationship with your dreams?

Not your goals or visions for the future, but the actual dreams that appear when you sleep?

Deepening our understanding of our dreams is not just a trailhead, but a transformative journey to better understanding ourselves, what drives us, what limits us, and what impacts our choices and behaviors.

Today’s guest, Selden “Dee” Kelley, urges us to take the time to reflect on dreams so that we can better understand how our inner systems are processing our present and our past. He reminds us of the profound power of witnessing our subconscious burdens, a process that validates our experiences and our desire to be seen and heard.

Dee is a lifelong learner. He holds five degrees in religion, psychology, an MBA, and a PhD in Industrial Psychology and Organizational Development. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego and held various leadership and administration positions before becoming a pastor.

He has a deep passion for helping others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness, and helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making, and improved creative thinking.

Content Note: Dee draws heavily from Jungian male-female archetypes. I want to note that the discussion of gender expands across the spectrum and is not limited to the male-female binary.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Dee’s approach blends hypotheses of the biological functions of dreaming and uses them in service of greater self-awareness
How every person’s dreams have an individual dialect
Advice for beginning to remember and take note of your dreams
Why specific interpretation can matter less than the reflections the interpretation leads to
How paying attention to our dreams can help us embrace imaginative, nuanced thinking
Differentiating between dream crushers and useful contrarian voices, in dreams and awake

Learn more about Dee Kelley:

Website
Instagram: @drdeedreamscoach

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 111: Imagining New Possibilities of Inclusion with Meg Raby Klinghoffer

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 16 Aug 2024 03:00:00 -0400

When you are excited about something, how do you show up?

Do you wear excitement and passion on your sleeve for all to see?

Maybe your personality is more low-key and strategic, and it is less obvious when you're really excited about an idea, a vision, or being a part of something.

Or maybe you adapt and edit yourself, muting your responses to play it cool for fear you won’t be taken seriously.

Yes, it’s essential to consider your role, environment, and audience when you feel energized about something. But if we’re constantly focused on who we should be, how we should act, and what the right thing to say is, it’s hard to have hope and a vision for the future.

Meg Raby Klinghoffer does not feel weighed down by messages about playing it cool and downplaying her excitement and joy anymore. She is emphatically all in with helping others envision how the spaces where we live, work, and play can be inclusive for those with invisible disabilities. She is becoming a contagion to create spaces where we can all be welcome and feel comfortable being ourselves, from concerts to museums to schools and beyond.

Meg is the author of the My Brother Otto series, a Speech-Language Pathologist, a writer for Scary Mommy, and a full-time employee of KultureCity, the nation’s leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion. She is also autistic.

At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How receiving an autism diagnosis and owning that identity has allowed Meg to advocate for herself more freely
How to respectfully approach learning more about and supporting the autistic adults in your life
How having an autistic community helped Meg let go of old rules and embrace her identity
How KultureCity addresses the need for macro-level change to make spaces more supportive and inclusive
Meg’s vision for moving beyond awareness or acceptance to true inclusion

Learn more about Meg Raby Klinghoffer:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 110: Intro to Fall 2024 Series: The Generative Power of the Imagination

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 02 Aug 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What sparks your imagination?

What shuts down your capacity to imagine?

Where does your mind go when the stakes are high, and the pressure feels too great? Do you find yourself mentally preparing for the worst possible outcomes, as if you were rehearsing a play? Do you shut down or numb out to manage your fears and anxieties?

Our brains naturally seek comfort in the known or fill in the unknown with potential disasters. However, it takes conscious effort and practice to build the capacity to imagine positive outcomes when things feel bleak.

But we can counter overwhelm and despair by connecting with imaginative individuals who embody hope, curiosity, and possibility grounded in vision and action.

These visionary leaders remind us that something different is possible and that we can choose to take deliberate action to change the prevailing tides.

In this new series of Unburdened Leader conversations, I’ll be in dialogue with leaders who urge us to envision a future that's not just a distant dream, but a reality we can actively shape today.

Over the next few months, you will hear conversations that invite you to take meaningful action here and now that does not deplete but heals and energizes.

These visionary conversations will help you connect with your desire to see a way through the noise and do something different.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why this moment feels so vital to share conversations with leaders imagining–and building–a more moral and just world
A taste of upcoming topics of conversation, from invisible disabilities to reframing resilience as a collective undertaking
Essential steps for building and protecting your capacity to hope and imagine in trying times

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 109: Navigating Regrets and Embracing Inner Clarity with Molly Mahar

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 19 Jul 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What does it mean to you to live a life with no regrets? Is that even possible?

What if it’s less about avoiding regrets entirely and more about being clear on your values, dreams, and desires and combining that with intentional practices to build a life focused on things that matter to you and the world around you?

Of course, this takes work because we’re constantly pulled in many different directions and responding to many inputs, just trying to keep our heads above water.

To lead well, we must get clarity in our values and develop trusting relationships with our inner worlds and physical bodies.

Instead of chasing a life with zero regrets, we need to learn to respond well to our regrets in the moment. If we want to look back and feel good about how we responded, we can’t numb out or bypass; we must make amends and correct our course.

Today’s conversation is with a long-time friend and colleague who reminds us that living an aligned life is a meandering path, a life that is always stretched and tested. It's not always easy, but when we stay connected to our values, desires, and integrity, there can be ease and clarity even in the hard times.

Molly Mahar is the founder of Stratejoy, a community helping women reclaim intimate, honest, and joyful relationships with themselves for the good of all. She's an entrepreneur, mama, writer, and adventurer obsessed with designing personal experiments that scare you, telling the truth, and her new teardrop trailer. In this episode, Molly shares her journey of living an aligned life, her struggles, and the lessons she learned along the way.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Molly prepared, financially and emotionally, to embark on a year of travel and a major move with her family
How relocating on their return may have actually made it easier for Molly to integrate her experiences
What putting their lives on hold and being together 24/7 revealed about Molly’s relationship with her husband, their parenting choices, and how they handle conflict
The support and practices that helped Molly get back in alignment
Unpacking her complicated relationship with alcohol and why she knew she needed to get sober for good
The core questions that Molly used to guide her self-reflection throughout the trip

Learn more about Molly Mahar:

Stratejoy
Instagram: @stratejoy, @mollymahar

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 108: Speaking Truth to Power: Taking a Stand Guided by Faith and Love with Dee Kelley

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What do you want to be known for? And what actions do you take to be seen in that light?

What lengths do you go to to avoid being misunderstood and viewed differently than what you want to be known for?

What drives what you want to be known for, and what are your choices to uphold your desired image or reputation?

Most of us have multiple internal agendas that shape our decisions and how we show up and are seen by others and ourselves. Our values, fears, and burdens, internally and externally, drive us.

When we place our worth and safety solely in the hands of others, we go to great lengths to hold on to how we want to be perceived. Lengths that too often leave a wake of chaos, abuse of power, manipulation, and betrayal–all to maintain the illusion of control.

We need more leaders who give us hope and reverence for humanity and others. These leaders do the work to build their capacity for discomfort so that they can lead with conviction, humility, and a deep sense of connectedness bigger than their personal ambitions or fears.

Joining us today is a guest who embodies the principles we discuss on this podcast. Dee Kelley is a leader who leads with love and compassion, demonstrating the power of these qualities in leadership. Our conversation with Dee is a reminder that compassion and empathy are not signs of weakness, but rather, tools for personal growth and resilience.

Selden “Dee” Kelley is a lifelong learner and a beacon of knowledge. With five degrees, his academic prowess is unmatched. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego, demonstrating his deep understanding of faith and its intersection with personal development.

A driving force in his life is to help others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness. He now helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making and improved creative thinking.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Dee wanted to open a conversation about the relationship between the LGTBQIA+ community and the church, and why he has no regrets despite the consequences
How Dee came to realize that the things he feared in others were invitations for learning and growth
Why we need to commit to having hard conversations even when we don’t know the outcome
How a strong sense of values and identity apart from his position in the church softened the loss of his role and credentials
How Dee’s case sits in the larger context of faith communities grappling with and declaring how they will relate to LGBTQIA+ communities

Learn more about Dee Kelley:

Website
Instagram: @drdeedreamscoach

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 107: The Seasons of Entrepreneurship: Leading a Deliberate Life with Laura Roeder

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 21 Jun 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What are you deliberate about in your life?

What does living deliberately mean to you?

Would you say that you’re a deliberate person? Would those who know you say that you are deliberate in how you live your life and lead?

Living deliberately can be a real challenge, especially when we’re constantly dealing with unexpected issues and navigating through the many crises in our world. The pace of life is so fast, it often feels impossible to slow down and reflect before taking action.

But there’s something deeply important about being deliberate if we want to cultivate life, work, and relationships that align with our values. It is messy, awkward, and challenging, but it is so worth it.

Today’s guest has built a career that serves her personal needs, values, interests, and skills through deliberate action, even when it flies in the face of conventional wisdom about entrepreneurship.

Our guest today, Laura Roeder, is a true inspiration. She's a lifelong entrepreneur and the founder of several bootstrapped companies that have each reached multi-million dollar status. Her ventures include Paperbell, CoachCompare, MeetEdgar, Marie Forleo’s B-School, and LKR Social Media. She's been recognized as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs under 30 and has shared her insights on entrepreneurship at prestigious venues like the White House, the Virgin Unites Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship, the University of Southern California, and Loyola Marymount University.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Laura’s desire for time freedom has impacted her decision-making as a business owner
How launching a business immediately before having her first child fundamentally changed the way Laura has run every venture since
Why leaders need to let go of the belief that they can’t teach someone else to do what they do
How owning up to your mistakes and the steps you’ve taken to fix them builds trust
How Laura has navigated her desire to work and to lead after selling a company for a life-changing amount of money

Learn more about Laura Roeder:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 106: Trauma, Leadership, and Healing: A Colleague Conversation with Sarah Buino

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 07 Jun 2024 03:00:00 -0400

Do you have thoughts about how the word “trauma” and other therapy-speak terms have bled into our day-to-day conversations in person, at work, and on social media?

Do you feel pressure to perform being “okay,” even when you’re anything but?

Have you ever pursued a project or career milestone only to realize, once you achieved it, that it no longer fits your life, values, or interests?

Today’s guest is a long-time, respected colleague who joins me for a profound and thought-provoking conversation about all of the above and then some. It’s a privilege to have people with whom we can engage in deep conversations without hesitation or self-editing; this chat is no exception.

Our guest, Sarah Buino, is a renowned speaker, educator, and therapist. She is the founder of Head/Heart Therapy, Inc. and Head/Heart Business Therapy, and a member of the adjunct faculty at Loyola University Chicago. Sarah is also a podcast host, known for her series, ‘Conversations With a Wounded Healer' and 'The Burnt Out Practice Owner.’ Her work focuses on the role of personal healing in caregiving and the challenges of group therapy practice ownership.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the concept of ordinary trauma helped Sarah recognize what was and wasn’t her responsibility as she healed
The essential difference between discomfort and trauma and how it relates to our relationship with agency
Why being “okay” is just a data point, not a destination
How mindful awareness sets the stage for healing, regardless of modality
Why Sarah maintains that therapy is political and that we have to lead through values and relationships
How Sarah and her colleagues brought their values into their group practice
How Sarah came to realize that she was done owning her practice and ready to move on

Learn more about Sarah Buino:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 105: Dr. Frank Anderson: A Loving and Kind Approach to Healing and Leadership

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 24 May 2024 03:00:00 -0400

What does healing mean to you?

What expectations do you hold around how we heal and how quickly we heal?

Meeting our basic human need to be loved and experience belonging can be the root of many things we do, say, and want–for better or for worse.

Many of us have experienced relationships that shape how we pursue love and belonging, how we respond to folks who are different or have differences, how we handle conflict, and how we navigate not being perfect and not knowing all the answers.

So, how we seek love and belonging and perceive and pursue healing are inextricably connected.

Under those circumstances, we want to rush our healing process, achieve our desired changes, and be fixed as soon as possible. The stakes are high!

But we do not arrive at “healed” and coast for the rest of our lives. There is no three-step plan to change, heal, and thrive ever after.

Healing is a lifelong process that must be pursued and revisited with the ebbs and flows of our lives. Sometimes, those ebbs and flows feel like tsunamis, forcing us to revisit old wounds or discover new spaces in our stories that require our care and attention so that we can find love and belonging within, first and foremost.

Frank Anderson, MD, returns to the show to discuss his beautiful new book, To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation.

Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the process of writing his memoir caused Frank to interact with his past in ways that surprised him
The tricky balance of telling stories honestly but from a loving place, especially with his family
How releasing his anger and coming to forgive and love people who harmed him gave Frank space and freedom to forgive himself for the harm he has done
Why Frank says healing happens first emotionally and somatically within yourself, and then you can work towards relational healing and forgiveness
How different phases of Frank’s life have influenced what and how trauma he unpacked and released
Why do we have to stop clinging to divisive polarities and recognize the good and bad in ourselves and each other

Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:

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EP 104: The Intersection of How We Lead, Love, and Grieve with J.S. Park

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 10 May 2024 03:00:00 -0400

If you love, you experience loss.

Looking back over the last few years, who or what have you lost? A loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a pet, a job, your health, your community? Something else?

Have you had time to reflect on and grieve your losses and find meaning and sense in all you experienced?

And how do you talk about your losses with those around you, if at all?

We cannot engineer the experience of grief out of our lives, but many try, at a significant cost, to their well-being, their relationships, and their ability to function, connect, and lead.

Grief will always do its job regardless of our response to grief’s presence. And the more we try to avoid the heartbreak, mess, awkwardness, outrage, and vulnerability, the more we disconnect from our humanity and those around us.

So, the question for us is: How will we respond when grief comes knocking in our personal lives, work, and world?

Joon ‘J.S.’ Park is a hospital chaplain, former atheist/agnostic, sixth-degree black belt, suicide survivor, and Korean-American, a person of faith and valuer of all.

He is the author of As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and memoir, and The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.

J.S. currently serves at a top-ranked, 1,000+ bed hospital and was a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the unhoused on the East Coast.

Content note: This conversation covers topics around sexual abuse, suicide, and experiences of racism. Joon’s message and heart feel healing and gracious as he shares some tender issues. But please take care of yourself as you move through this beautiful conversation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The physical toll of unacknowledged accumulated grief that J.S. took on through his chaplaincy training
How contending with pervasive and severe suffering daily challenged and reshaped J.S.’s faith
How he began to grapple with his experiences of abuse, racism and internalized shame
Why we need to learn to engage with a range of grief and validate our responses to it to heal
What we can learn about others when they use clichés and platitudes in response to grief
How working closely with grief has changed J.S.’s concept of what it means to be successful

Learn more about J.S. Park:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 103: The Burden of Shoulds and Moving Towards Self-Compassion with Alison Cook, PhD

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 26 Apr 2024 03:00:00 -0400

Are you aware of all the expectations you hold yourself to?

The day-to-day buzzing of our inner life can feel relentless, can't it? We're all too familiar with the bombardment of 'shoulds' about how we should act, dress, talk, move, etc. It's a struggle that resonates with each one of us, making us feel understood in our shared experiences.

We carry so many shoulds from our family of origin, culture, difficult life experiences, work experiences, people we respect, and people who we want to respect us.

But the shoulds that mess with us the most and lead to the heaviest burdens are the stealth shoulds around what we should and should not feel.

Today’s guest, Dr. Alison Cook, returns for the third time to share her transformative new book. This isn't just a guide that addresses these 'shoulds ', it's an empowering invitation to unpack our stealth expectations of ourselves and our world. It's an invitation to approach the 'shoulds' that show up in our lives with curiosity and compassion, paving the way for personal growth and self-improvement.

Dr. Alison Cook is a psychologist and teacher who has spent two decades helping individuals name what's hard and take brave steps to transform their lives. She is also a best-selling author, teacher, and host of The Best of You podcast. She co-authored Boundaries for Your Soul and is the author of The Best of You, and I Shouldn’t Feel This Way. Alison is also a certified Internal Family Systems therapist, a dear friend, and a trusted colleague.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The internal tension and disorientation Alison experienced when she couldn’t accomplish what she “should” have
How following her system’s lead led Alison to make a surprising connection to another pivotal transition in her life
Unpacking the familial and cultural origins of our shoulds around work and success
The high personal and social stakes of not making space to name what we’re feeling
Why it’s vital to be able to discern who can best support you in processing what you’re going through
How to cultivate space for yourself to witness the hard things, rather than bypassing from naming to fixing

Learn more about Alison Cook, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 102: Toxic Leadership: The True Cost of Workplace Trauma with Mita Mallick

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 12 Apr 2024 03:00:00 -0400

Many of us are familiar with the kind of person who easily earns the moniker ‘toxic’ and instills fear, rage, and frustration in those around them.

What do you do when you work with a toxic leader?

How do you feel when toxic leaders continue to get promoted and receive accolades?

And what do you do when others make excuses for these toxic leaders, like saying their skill set or network is too important to the organization and you have to “take the good with the bad?”

Toxic leaders and cultures take a toll on you, especially when you have your own relational wounding history. You may try to speak up or feel shut down, but there’s another common theme: How betrayed you feel when your experiences are met with silence, inaction, or retribution.

We're at a critical moment regarding leading, accountability, and culture. But one thing that still feels constant is the impact of our history with relational wounding and relational trauma, and how that impacts how, or if, we speak up in the face of injustices from toxic leaders and toxic work culture.

Today’s guest wrote a book on the impact of toxic leaders and cultures, including how we often protect toxic leaders at great expense to the staff and the business. As someone who was bullied both as a child and in the workplace, she has some very special insight into this all-too-common experience.

Mita Mallick is a corporate change-maker with a track record of transforming businesses. She has had an extensive career as a marketer in the beauty and consumer product goods space, fiercely advocating for the inclusion and representation of Black and Brown communities. Her book, Reimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your Workplace, is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today Best Seller.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The practical toll on the business of enabling toxic leaders to continue to manage teams
The psychological and physical impact of the workplace trauma created by working under toxic leaders
How people end up in environments that recreate the harmful relational patterns of their past
Why those with more power in the workplace need to speak up on behalf of others
How executive coaching can be used as a Band-Aid to cover toxic behavior
How guilt and empathy for the teammates we’d leave behind can keep us stuck in toxic environments

Learn more about Mita Mallick:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 101: Transforming the Legacy Burdens from Relational Trauma with Deran Young

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 29 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0400

Do you feel frustrated by recurring struggles with self-doubt, hypervigilance, and overwhelm?

Behind many of your inner doubts, self-judgements, fears, and insecurities lie echoes from old betrayals or relational hurts.

These breaches of trust in important relationships don’t necessarily lose their impact on how you lead and work just because they happened a long time ago.

So when you're doing something new or high stakes, or there's an experience in a relationship at work or in your personal life, or you respond to a collective trauma that taps the echoes of your old wound, it can bring up old ways of responding or old patterns that impact how you honor your boundaries and values.

And the expectation that you should ‘be over this by now’ when you are human and working with others adds to your stress and frustration.

But the reality is that healing from relational wounds and betrayal traumas often comes in stages and seasons, and you may need support along the way.

Deran Young is a licensed therapist, New York Times Best-Selling Author, former military mental health officer, and the founder of Black Therapists Rock. This nonprofit organization mobilizes over 30,000 mental health professionals committed to reducing the psychological impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma.

She obtained her social work degree from the University of Texas, where she studied abroad in Ghana, West Africa for two semesters, creating a high school counseling center for under-resourced students. She is a highly sought-after diversity and inclusion consultant working with companies like Facebook, Linked In, Field Trip Health, and YWCA. Deran has become a leading influencer and public figure committed to spreading mental health awareness and improving health equity.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The importance of learning to recognize the cultural and familial legacy burdens that impact us
How shame and an inability to be vulnerable shut down speaking the truth about cultural and personal histories
How early relational trauma can lead people to feeling out of place, not just at home, but in the world at large
Why our earliest experiences with our caregivers have such a deep impact on our relationships later in life
The lasting impact of the roles we take on as children in dysfunctional families in how we lead ourselves and others
How cultural expectations and perfectionism can dehumanize mothers and leaders
The potential for psychedelic-assisted therapy to change our relationships with our burdens

Learn more about Deran Young:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 100: Celebrating 100 Episodes: Behind the Scenes of the Unburdened Leader

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 15 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0400

Have you ever done something steadily, week in and week out, for a period of time?

What did you learn about yourself and the world around you in the process? Was there anything that came up that surprised you?

Putting in consistent reps and hundreds of hours towards something inevitably shapes and changes you, and producing this show has been no different for me.

Today I’m celebrating the 100th episode of The Unburdened Leader by sharing some behind-the-scenes stories, learnings, and reflections from starting a podcast in a pandemic to the pillars and themes of the show that have stood out over time.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How unburdened leaders shape healing and growth through vulnerability and a willingness to be uncomfortable
How wrestling with perfectionism in the beginning has eased into taking actual pleasure in the process of working on the show
The positive impact of finding certainty anchors in the rhythms of production
How good questions beget good questions, and how that guides who I want to have on the show

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 99: Lead & Love Beyond Differences: The Work of Building Bridges with Jonathan Merritt

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0500

Have you ended a relationship to get relief from tension and conflict?

Do you struggle with developing a clear sense of boundaries around what’s your responsibility and what’s not, especially when feeling responsible for how others think and feel?

When relationships are toxic, abusive, and oppressive and the other person does not have the interest or capacity to work on the relationship, ending the relationship can bring grief but also relief, emotional healing, and health.

But when you regularly use emotional cutoffs to protect yourself from hurt and discomfort, you create a world that feels dangerous and small when the slightest sense of conflict or overwhelm arises.

But if two people can come together with clear boundaries, shared values, compassion, curiosity, humility, and support to work through conflict and disagreement, an emotional cut-off may become unnecessary.

My guest today returns to the podcast to share his experience of an incident that could have ended his relationship with his father, and how they both committed to working through the conflict to maintain their connection, even through their differences.

Jonathan Merritt is a prolific and trusted writer on faith, culture, and politics whose articles have appeared regularly in outlets such as The Atlantic, The New York Times, USA Today, Christianity Today, and The Washington Post. He is the author of numerous critically acclaimed books, including Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words are Vanishing and How We Can Revive Them, which was named Book of the Year by Englewood Review of Books. He is also author of the forthcoming children’s book, My Guncle and Me, releasing in May 2024.

Jonathan has become a popular speaker at conferences, colleges, and churches and guest commentary on CNN, Fox News, CNN, NPR, PBS, and ABC World News. He holds graduate degrees from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and Emory University's Candler School of Theology.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How being publicly outed forced Jonathan into a reckoning with his faith, his identity, and his family and community
The role that dreams and expectations play in the way both parents and children respond to fundamental differences between them
Why an expectation of change cannot be a prerequisite for a relationship
Why Jonathan says he and his father fight with each other in private and for each other in public
Why finding healthy surrogates or outlets for processing is vital for healing when we truly can’t continue the relationship
Navigating past avoidance and confrontation to renegotiating the relationship with necessary boundaries and guardrails
How “flash-card faith” stifles the questioning and openness to possibilities that underpin trust and faith and breeds binary divisiveness

Learn more about Jonathan Merritt:

Website
Facebook: @JonathanMerrittWriter
Instagram: @jonathan_merritt
Twitter: @JonathanMerritt
Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words Are Vanishing–and How We Can Revive Them
Preorder My Guncle and Me

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Bowen Family Systems
Faith does not live by answers alone, Jonathan Merritt
The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron
Write for Life: Creative Tools for Every Writer, Julia Cameron
Mother, Nature: A 5,000-Mile Journey to Discover If a Mother and Son Can Survive Their Differences, Jedidiah Jenkins
Darlin' (Christmas is Coming), Over the Rhine
If We Make It Through December, Phoebe Bridgers
If We Make It Through December, Merle Haggard
Julia

EP 98: Ecosystems for Change: Embracing Generative Conflict in a World on Fire with Deepa Iyer

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 16 Feb 2024 03:00:00 -0500

What is your relationship with conflict and disagreement?

Do you see conflict as bad or dangerous or simply a natural part of relationships and being in a group or on a team?

What helps you move through conflict and differences of opinion when things are heavy and charged?

Do you avoid it at all costs? Or do you try to be a peacemaker and help everyone feel heard? Or do you dive right into the arena and take a stand for what you believe?

You probably vacillate between all of these depending on the topic, the people you are around, how you experienced conflict growing up, and the combination of your unique personality, temperament, gender, race, class, etc.

Today’s guest shares a framework that offers a way to contain our overwhelm into some actionable practices that can help you connect to your purpose and your values while navigating the discomfort of disagreement, high-stakes decisions, and deep exhaustion.

Deepa Iyer is a South Asian American writer, strategist, and lawyer. Deepa leads projects on solidarity and social movements at the Building Movement Project, a national nonprofit organization. She conducts workshops and trainings, uplifts narratives through the Solidarity Is This podcast, and facilitates solidarity strategy for cohorts and networks.

Deepa’s first book, We Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim, and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial Future, chronicles community-based histories in the wake of 9/11 and received a 2016 American Book Award. Deepa’s most recent book, a guide based on the social change ecosystem map that she created, is called Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The three main components of an ecosystem-based approach to social change
How an ecosystem creates a container where we can have uncomfortable conversations around our values
Why a clash in values isn’t an indicator of an unhealthy ecosystem
How ecosystems for social justice allow us to play to our strengths even in urgent times sustainably
Questions to ask and red flags of an unhealthy ecosystem
Why finding joy in the midst of heartbreak is essential to sustainable movements
Why it’s key to consider who holds power inside and outside an ecosystem when calling out bad behavior or policy

Learn more about Deepa Iyer:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 97: Releasing the Need to Prove: Arielle Estoria's Journey to Authentic Leadership

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 02 Feb 2024 03:00:00 -0500

Do you find yourself in a constant state of proving? Proving that you are a good enough leader, parent, partner, fill in the blank?

Do you know what drives your need to prove to others and yourself?

When does the need to prove you are good enough and worthy enough show up the most? At work, in your relationships with others, or maybe in your relationship with yourself?

When you fall into a constant state of proving your worthiness and value, your unaddressed relational wounds fuel an excessive need for validation and recognition from those around you that exhausts and leaves you in an excessive loop of hustling, anxiety, and doubt.

But when you commit to doing the work to understand your underlying motivations to constantly prove yourself, you can release these burdens and develop a more secure, confident approach to leadership, relationships, and conflict resolution in all areas of your life.

Arielle Estoria (she/her) is a poet, author, actor, and model. Her motto, "Words not for the ears but for the soul" stems from her dedication to remind anyone who encounters her work that words are meant to be felt and experienced not just heard, with a specific heart in empowering, encouraging and making space for audiences of women to feel free and at home in their own bodies.

Arielle has shared her work through custom spoken word pieces, workshops and themed keynote talks with companies such as Google, Sofar Sounds, Lululemon, Dressember, Tedx, the SKIMS campaign by Kim Kardashian and more. She has consecutively emceed annual conferences and has led various writing, embodiment and self-acceptance workshops in various settings ranging from students to professional development spaces.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Arielle has worked to cut ties with people pleasing and learned not to constantly explain herself
How Arielle defines “secure proving” versus “insecure proving” in her life
How we can try so hard to prove ourselves that we forget the self we’re trying to prove
Balancing performance and authenticity online, and how social media makes it hard to show up as your full self
How Arielle defines success for herself, outside of the linear path through life that she was taught

Learn more about Arielle Estoria:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women's Anger with Soraya Chemaly

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 19 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

What is your relationship with your anger?

How much of your stress and exhaustion is fueled by repressed anger and rage?

And how do you respond when those around you express anger?

Our experiences early in life, experiences at our places of work and education, and our conditioning from culture all play significant roles in how we view and respond to anger and rage within and around us.

And for women–especially Black and brown women–we learn our anger and rage come off as unbecoming and distancing, which can be the death of a promotion, a deal, or financial advancement.

Many experience firsthand the negative impact of expressing our anger, which can bring about a dangerous backlash that can impact not only our well-being but also our safety.

But when we shift the focus from seeing anger solely as dangerous or something to be feared and instead befriend and learn from it, so much changes in how we lead and do life.

Today’s guest wrote a beautifully written and well-cited book documenting the impact of suppressed rage in women on themselves and those around them.

Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and Co-Founder of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project, and also the author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How suppressing anger harms more than just the individual
How rage is justified and tolerated differently for men and women
How niceness and a focus on the feelings of others is socialized into girls from an early age
The anger that hides underneath stress, disappointment, and other ways women minimize their anger
The long-term impacts and risks of suppressed anger on physical and mental health

Learn more about Soraya Chemaly:

Website
Instagram: @sorayachemaly
Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 95: Good Trouble: A Personal Account of January 6th with Officer Harry Dunn

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 05 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

When you experience injustice, how do you respond?

Do you immediately speak up and fight back?

Maybe you get introspective and go deep into reflection, weighing out different options and scenarios before deciding how or whether to take action.

Or do you suppress your authentic emotions and maintain a facade until you have figured out your next move?

Many factors inform how you respond to threats and injustice–your values, life experiences, personality and temperament, identities, and privileges–to name just a few.

Today’s guest moved me profoundly with his responses in the days, weeks, and months following the January 6th insurrection in the face of many critics, threats, and risks. Not speaking up would have felt inauthentic for him, leaving him feeling out of alignment.

New York Times best selling author, Harry Dunn,served in the United States Capitol Police from 2008 to 2023. He has been on duty for presidential inaugurations, joint sessions of Congress, State of the Union addresses as well as hundreds of peaceful protests and demonstrations.

For his role defending the Capitol on January 6, 2021, Dunn received the Presidential Citizens Medal, the Congressional Gold Medal, the Capitol Police Service Medal, the Capitol Police Achievement Medal, the Gus Heningburg Award from the African American Chamber of Commerce in New Jersey, and the Concerned Black Men Award. He has been outspoken about his experience, testifying in congressional hearings and speaking in the media about the violence he experienced that day and its aftermath.

His memoir, Standing My Ground: A Capitol Officer’s Fight for Accountability and Good Trouble After January 6th provides a firsthand account of what happened that day and the ramifications it has on our political and legal systems, democracy, communities, and individuals.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Officer Dunn knew he needed to move from isolated and processing the events to speaking out
How Officer Dunn has navigated using his anger a purposeful force
The fine balancing act of speaking as a citizen versus as a Capitol Police officer as he took his story public
How speaking out and testifying at trials and in front of Congress was both a painful and ultimately healing experience
The values and faith in democracy that keep Officer Dunn going back to work at the Capitol

Learn more about Office Harry Dunn:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 94: 2023 Debrief of Space and Pace

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 22 Dec 2023 03:00:00 -0500

What worked for you in 2023? What did not work this year?

What data did you collect about yourself, your work, and your relationships?

What do you want to take into 2024, and what do you want to leave behind?

Yes, it’s that time of year when I share one of my favorite and most fruitful practices of looking back and looking forward - my annual debrief.

My debrief practice teaches me the power of pausing, reflecting - especially on my words of the year, and honoring lessons learned, victories achieved, and wounds that need care so I can look forward more clearly and confidently. And this year taught me a lot.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How focusing on space and pace challenged my tendency to associate my identity with what I do
The challenges that came up as I really forced myself to slow down and reflect on what I want life to look like in an upcoming season of transition
Experiences this year that were fun, healing, and joyful
The practices and supports I’m carrying forward into 2024
What aspects of Space and Pace are bearing fruit as 2023 comes to a close and what I’m focusing on for 2024

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 93: Beyond Words: Unveiling the Layers of Storytelling Leadership with Ali Edwards

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 08 Dec 2023 03:00:00 -0500

As you approach the new year, do you focus on results-oriented New Year’s resolutions, or do you prefer to set broader intentions for the year?

In a time where we are overbooked, over-committed, and weighed down by all that is going on in the world, messages promising the results we crave can make us vulnerable to feeling like we are doing something wrong for feeling out of sorts because we do not do life in a prescribed manner.

So many offerings are a recipe for failing in our hopes for end-of-the-year plans.

Yet, finding a focused practice for examining how you manage your time and make decisions that align with your values and how you live and experience life can delight you while bringing you clarity in a chaotic world.

Ali Edwards is the founder and CEO of Ali Edwards Designs. Her passion resides in that very special place where the stories and images of life intersect. Her work includes writing, photography, teaching and memory keeping product design.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ali’s background in graphic design influenced the visual storytelling of memory keeping
Why Ali is drawn to the everyday stories and not just big milestone moments
How Ali decides what to share publicly and what to keep private
How Ali handles consent in documenting the lives of her kids and family
How the shift from blogging to social media has shaped what and how Ali shares from her life
Why Ali chooses a word to guide her year
How Ali stays grounded while “taking the temperature” of those around her

Learn more about Ali Edwards:

Website
Instagram: @aliedwards

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 92: Leadership in Transition: Navigating Life Shifts with Brigitte Lyons

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 24 Nov 2023 03:00:00 -0500

Have you ever felt like what you are known for does not fit you anymore?

Or maybe you feel like it is time to change your professional focus, but you question whether you have the credentials or whether people will take seriously the shifts you want to make.

So many of us experience angst when we want to change things up in our work and life.

We change as we move through life. Change is part of our developmental life cycle. And when we change, our work and the businesses we run also change as a result.

But there is immense pressure to stay on a linear path in our careers and businesses that just doesn’t match up with the fact of our dynamic and ever-changing lives. And our mental wellbeing suffers from the lack of understanding of how we grow and change personally, which in turn impacts how we lead ourselves, others, and our businesses.

We need to normalize and create better supports for these inevitable seasons of growth and the grief and vulnerability that come with them.

Today’s guest is a longtime friend and colleague who recently announced that she had shut down her business so that she could shift her focus away from what she had been known for her entire career to something new.

Brigitte Lyons founded Podcast Ally, the agency where she spent her days focusing on the strategic direction of the company, clearing the way for a fully remote team to the deep work that drove the business forward. Brigitte recently announced that she shut down her company, and at the time of recording, reached an agreement to sell the brand and IP she built at Podcast Ally. She has an extensive background in public relations, working in agencies and also running her own PR business.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Brigitte worked through the impulse to burn it all down and gave herself space to fully consider closing her business
How Brigitte realized that she loved her business and her team, but could take or leave the work
How Brigitte came to the realization that her company no longer fit her priorities and lifestyle
Why it was important to Brigitte to be transparent with her employees as she was deciding the future of the company
How Brigitte built a team that stuck with her through the process of deciding to close
Why it’s important to understand the distinction between what you’re passionate about and what you’re good at

Learn more about Brigitte Lyons:

Connect with Brigitte on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 91: Decolonizing Wealth: Confronting Exploitation and Healing Wounds with Edgar Villanueva

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 03:00:00 -0500

What is your relationship with money?

Do you have a healthy or neutral relationship with money? Or do you fall into the common extremes of worrying about it, constantly thinking about acquiring more money, or avoiding knowing what is happening with your finances or checking out on your responsibilities around money?

And what is your relationship with giving away your money? Is it part of a spiritual practice, a tax write-off, or an extension of your values?

We learn early how wealth can impact our future trajectory, well-being, and ability to earn and save it.

And there are constant opportunities to donate our money–to charities, to politics, to nonprofits, to do something good and get a tax write-off. It feels good to feel like we’re doing something to help.

But we also don’t have to look far to find critiques of social programs supporting those who lack essential resources or critiques of the many tax loopholes the wealthiest in our country benefit from, especially when it comes to philanthropic giving.

Today’s guest helps connect the dots on how our relationships with money and the industry of philanthropy needs to change.

Edgar Villanueva is an award-winning author, activist, and expert on race, wealth, and philanthropy issues. Villanueva is the Principal of the Decolonizing Wealth Project and Liberated Capital and the author of the bestselling book Decolonizing Wealth (2018, 2021). He advises various organizations, including national and global philanthropies, Fortune 500 companies, and entertainment, on social impact strategies to advance racial equity from within and through their investment strategies. Villanueva holds a BSPH and MHA from the Gillings Global School of Public Health at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He is an enrolled member of the Lumbee Tribe and resides in New York City.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why we need to recognize that colonialism–past and present–is systemic in our social and political institutions
How to begin healing from an extractive and exploitative definition of money to a version that honors what we value
Why acknowledgment and grief need to happen before we jump to take action
How to enter a process of decolonization without appropriation or getting bogged down in guilt
The profound impacts of colonialism on philanthropy and charity in concept and practice in the United States
How we can begin to invest differently in charitable giving to make real impacts

Learn more about Edgar Villaneuva:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon Watts

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 27 Oct 2023 03:00:00 -0400

When you see a need, what do you do?

Do you jump in and try to solve the problem?

Or do you think about it for a while and workshop all the options and scenarios in your head before deciding whether to take action or not?

Both ways can be valid, needed, and valuable. And both have their pitfalls.

When we jump in to solve a need or problem, we can end up on a path to a crash course in humble pie and hard learnings on the go that can often do harm to others.

Yet thoughtful consideration can often lead to failing to take action and falling into complacency. Or even worse, you tap out all together because you feel like your voice, your vote, your time, or your resources will not make a difference.

But we can’t stop caring or tap out. The stakes are too high.

My guest today challenges this complacency–especially right now when so much is at stake here in the United States. She built an organization that has room for all levels of involvement no matter your resources and your capacity.

Shannon Watts is widely known as a “summoner of women’s audacity.” As the Founder of Moms Demand Action, Watts was named one of Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People, a Forbes 50 over 50 Changemaker, and a Glamour Woman of the Year. She is the author of Fight Like a Mother: How a Grassroots Movement Took on the Gun Lobby and Why Women Will Change the World.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Shannon transmuted her fear into anger and action in the aftermath of Sandy Hook
Facing the reality that none of us are safe until all of us are safe and how it impacts activism
Why cultivating joy and celebrating successes is integral to sustaining movements
How the concept of losing forward helps activists play the long game
How Shannon has navigated burnout and managing the needs of her family against her activism
Why Shannon passed the leadership baton for Moms Demand Action after 10 years
The role of privilege in being an activist and how white women can do better

Learn more about Shannon Watts:

Website
Substack
Moms Demand Action Text READY to 64433 to get in touch with a volunteer
Instagram: @shannonrwatts
Fight Like a Mother

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 89: Navigating Gender Bias: Leadership Steps for Workplace Equality with Amy Diehl, PhD

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 03:00:00 -0400

When people talk about gender bias and sexism, what comes to mind?

Are you clear about when gender bias happens to you and around you? Or does it feel so common it’s hard to discern?

The mixed messages about how to respond to gender bias and sexism keep us flailing, even when there are efforts to make meaningful change.

We need to make these changes at all levels of leadership and as long the burden to make the changes continues to be on those who have been harmed, nothing will change.

When we gather collectively, we are a force. And yet, internalized misogyny gets in the way. Until we see how gender bias impacts us all, we will continue to turn on each other, whether directly or by supporting those with counter interests to our own.

Today’s guest offers us language and a framework to help address gender bias through tangible practices and language to help us understand the many nuances and complexities around identifying gender bias–in ourselves and others–and how we can make actionable change.

Amy Diehl, PhD, is an award-winning information technology leader, currently serving as Chief Information Officer at Wilson College in Pennsylvania and is a gender equity researcher and author of the new book Glass Walls: Shattering the Six Gender Bias Barriers Still Holding Women Back at Work. She has also written numerous scholarly journal articles and book chapters. Her writing has appeared in Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, and Ms. Magazine. She is also a sought-after speaker, consultant, and lawsuit expert witness.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Defining gender bias and the six primary barriers that impact women in the workplace, regardless of industry
How researching gender bias in the workplace has helped Amy make sense of her own experiences
How gender bias impacts all women, even if they don’t recognize it as such
How the sub-barriers of acquiescence cause women to individualize systemic problems
Why leaders need to take responsibility for the cultural norms in their work environments
Two kinds of hostility that women enact towards each other
What a truly supportive and inclusive workplace could look like

Learn more about Amy Diehl, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar Barstow

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 29 Sep 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Would you call yourself a powerful person?

Do you trust yourself with power? Does owning your power feel a bit like holding a hot potato?

The many ways we learn about power–often by having it taken away from us, seeing it taken away from others, or seeing people go to great lengths to take and keep power, no matter the cost or casualties–understandably influence our understanding of power for the worse.

We have benefitted from many pioneering scholars and social justice leaders who deeply embraced their personal power in the face of systemic abuses. These leaders saw personal power as a birthright and generative, not as something to fear.

Owning your power can feel liberating. It’s liberating to no longer live from a burdened sense that we are flawed for doubting ourselves or that we are in deficit because we feel shut down and stuck in our pain and the pain around us..

Today’s guest has a lens on power that runs contrary to what many of us have been taught about. She believes that personal power is not something to gain but something you already have and intrinsic to who you are. She sees power itself as neutral.

Dr. Cedar Barstow has a long-time devotion to helping people own and use their power wisely and well. Her book, Right Use of Power: The Heart of Ethics and engaging courses are offered through the Right Use of Power Institute. In addition to being founder of Right Use of Power Institute, Cedar's background includes being a Hakomi Mindful Somatic Therapy trainer and therapist, and an ethics consultant. She lives with her husband, Dr. Reynold Feldman, in Boulder, Colorado.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why leaders need understand the overlap of ethics and power
Breaking down the definitions of power and ethics and how they impact our relationships
Why Dr. Barstow believes we need to focus on our own personal power
The potential consequences of trying too hard to flatten role power and why we need to reconsider hierarchy as a neutral tool
The impacts of status, collective, and systemic power
What the 150% principle teaches us about managing conflicts and grievances
How the spiral down process can help us productively reflect on conflict

Learn more about Dr. Cedar Barstow:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 87: Authoritarianism in Cultish and High-Demand Communities with Bradley Onishi

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 15 Sep 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Do you know if you have ever been a part of a cultish or high-demand community? Do you know what qualities to look for in a high-demand community?

High-demand communities may bring images of cults with extreme behaviors, demands, and rituals to your mind. But when you examine the communities you love, some fall on the spectrum of cultish or high-demand communities.

Cultish and high-demand communities fall on a spectrum, and not everyone associated with a group or organization with those tendencies necessarily falls into the trance of these spaces–but many of us do–often without noticing.

Today’s guest got me thinking more about the high-demand or cultish communities we choose. His most recent book was inspired by his experience watching the January 6th insurrection on TV and wondering if he had not left his high-demand faith community, would he have been at the US Capitol with many who showed up that day, including some from his former community.

Bradley Onishi is a social commentator, scholar, writer, teacher, coach, and co-host of the Straight White American Jesus (SWAJ) podcast. In everything he does, Bradley seeks to make the strange familiar and the familiar strange by providing insight into life’s most fundamental questions. He often speaks about topics related to the radical conservatism and extremist religions that shape our world, some of it right in our own neighborhoods. He is the author of Preparing for War: The Extremist History of White Christian Nationalism – And What Comes Next.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Defining white Christian nationalism and why it’s key to understand the role of whiteness in its ideology
How nostalgia is manufactured and co-opted to sell a mythology of what America was and could be again
How Christian nationalism is more mainstream than we want to believe
Why we need to keep talking about January 6
How authoritarianism makes itself appealing in times of anxiety and fear
The rise of purity culture and how it is fundamentally tied to white Christian nationalism

Learn more about Bradley Onishi:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Ep 86: Humaning Together: Integrating Grief and Lived Experience with Kathy Escobar

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 01 Sep 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not.

While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection.

And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss, it can bring up a lot for us and those we lead.

Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported–you can see how bereavement by suicide fits one of the most common causes of disenfranchised grief.

When people who have lost someone to suicide feel like they cannot talk about their loss without judgment or criticism, disenfranchised grief festers. It can lead to complicated grief, where our recovery and healing become persistent and debilitating to basic day-to-day functioning over a long period of time.

The deep discomfort, shame, and stigma associated with suicide can make it difficult to discuss, so that when you experience bereavement by suicide, you often feel isolated at a time when you carry deep hurt.

On today’s show, you will hear from someone I have known for over two decades who has consistently and steadfastly led with transparency and authenticity no matter what showed up in her life.

Kathy Escobar is co-founder of The Refuge, a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration and #communityheals: Making Spaces for Transformation Accessible for All, non-profits in North Denver, CO. She's a pastor, writer, spiritual director, podcaster, and advocate and author of several books, including Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World and Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything you Believe is Coming Apart.

Content note: Extensive discussion of grief and suicide. Please take care of yourself as you listen.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How speaking the truth about her son’s death became part of how Kathy and her family survived it
Why it’s so problematic that we create a split within ourselves as we experience grief
What’s really at stake when grief remains submerged
How shame shows up with grief, especially in bereavement by suicide
Why Kathy says there’s not getting through grief, only learning to live with the rhythms of it
Why we need to get comfortable with the paradoxes of living with grief
How Kathy reconciles realism with hope

Learn more about Kathy Escobar:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection Through Embodied Living, Hillary L. McBride

EP 85: Team Habits: Redefining Workplace Dynamics with Charlie Gilkey

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 18 Aug 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Groups are a microcosm of life and the greater systems in which we live and work.

We learn so much about ourselves and others in groups.

They refine our leadership and communication skills. They highlight our growth edges and our capacity for conflict. And they can bring out the best - and the worst - in us, sometimes at lightning speed.

So many of us can recall frustrating and, too often, harmful experiences working in teams. Whether it’s a team member that drags everyone down without support or burdened systems, rules, and bureaucracies that stifle creativity and energy, the words “group project” bring up a lot of feelings.

What comes up when you think about your group or team experiences? And when preparing to join or lead a group or a team, what fears or concerns go through your mind?

Today, I’m excited to welcome back Charlie Gilkey to discuss his new book, Team Habits. He addresses many of the pain points and fears many of us hold when it comes to working in teams with actionable ways to make meaningful change in our team habits.

Charlie Gilkey helps people start finishing the stuff that matters. He's the founder of Productive Flourishing, author of the book Start Finishing and The Small Business Lifecycle, and host of the Productive Flourishing podcast. Before starting Productive Flourishing, Charlie worked as a Joint Force Military Logistics Coordinator while simultaneously pursuing a PhD in Philosophy. He lives with his wife, Angela, in Portland, Oregon.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How attachment to titles and structures makes us feel like we don’t have agency in our teams at work
How work is inherently relational and why it matters how we show up for each other
Why efforts to democratize corporate structures have to consider the emotional and social components of decision-making
How solid team habits protect against one person dragging down the group
The difference between the values on the floor and the values on the wall, and why we need to bring them together
How small, mundane changes make significant impact to your team culture over time
Why we need to be able to show up as our full selves in our teams

Learn more about Charlie Gilkey:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 84: Recalibrating Success and Accomplishment with Martha Bitar

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 04 Aug 2023 03:00:00 -0400

When you look back on your career trajectory, what do you notice?

Do you see an even trajectory in your career path? Or has your career taken some hard curves outside of the expected norms?

What can seem like a setback in our planned career path can sometimes lead us to experiences that we would never have pursued - opening us up to ideas and possibilities that we would never have imagined.

It is moments like these that can often help us break free from the machine of proving, striving, and grinding and actually reconnect to who we truly are and what we really want to contribute with our lives.

Of course it’s true that setbacks in our professional plans can be costly, painful, and downright scary. Some of the pain of setbacks can take a toll on our confidence and well-being and finances.

But the time between paths, as we hop off the hamster wheels of shoulds to figure out who we are and what we want to do, isn’t wasted.

Today’s guest has moved through deep disappointment when the job she had been working towards suddenly fell through. And she has also co-founded a female-led tech business with a commitment to mental well-being with her staff by cultivating an environment where everyone feels valued, heard, and motivated to contribute their unique skills and perspectives.

Martha Bitar is the CEO of Flodesk, a visually stunning and user-friendly platform that helps creators sell online and design emails people love to get. Martha is known for her passion for people, design, and helping small business owners succeed.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Martha conflated her worthiness with professional accomplishment, and the moment she finally paused to ask herself what she really wanted
How reconnecting with her body and her physical reactions helped steer Martha towards work that actually excited her
Why Martha is so passionate about helping small businesses make the most of email marketing
The values that Martha and her co-founder deliberately infused into Flodesk from the beginning
Why Martha says that Flodesk does not have a culture and how it impacts their hiring practices
How Flodesk strives to support the true wellbeing of their team members

Learn more about Martha Bitar:

Flodesk
Instagram: @flodesk

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 83: Cultivating a Practice of True Play with Gary Ware

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Do you have a relationship with play?

Do you integrate time to play into your life around work and rest?

Or does play feel elusive or like a luxury?

If it does, you’re not alone.

So many of us are weary and weighed down, trying to stay afloat while keeping up with life, work, and being engaged citizens. And we live in a culture that continues to prioritize work and productivity over play and rest.

But building a relationship with play can be an antidote to toxic hustle productivity. And play can help quiet the noise in our minds and temporarily distract us from our burdens, leaving us in a better place to come back and tackle them.

Today, I’m so excited to dig into the benefits of play with Gary Ware.

Gary Ware, the Founder of Breakthrough Play, is a corporate facilitator, keynote speaker,

certified coach, and author of the book Playful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of Play. Gary has over 14 years of experience in the corporate world holding various leadership positions. Gary also comes with nearly a decade of experience as a performer in improv theater.

After experiencing burnout in his pursuit for success and happiness, he realized that what was missing was play. Committing to a life of play is what led Gary to discover his passion for facilitating. Gary uses the power of applied improvisation and other playful methods to assist people in unlocking creativity, confidence, and better communication. Gary was recently featured as one of the Top 100 HR influencers of 2021 by the Engagedly HR software platform. When Gary isn't leading workshops or speaking, you can find him learning magic or off on an adventure with his wife Courtney and sons Garrett and Cameron.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Gary defines play as an accelerant
How we become play-deprived and how that contributes to burnout
Why adults need to reclaim play and rebel against productivity culture
Tips for bringing play into your work life and enlivening meetings
Why play needs to be an invitation and you can’t just book a ropes course
Three major barriers to play and their antidotes
How to find micro moments of play and rest in your day

Learn more about Gary Ware:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 82: Beyond the Stigma: Prioritizing Needs Without Judgement with Mara Glatzel

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 07 Jul 2023 15:00:00 -0400

Have you ever wondered if you are too much or too needy?

We carry a lot of baggage around our needs, others’ needs, and the many mixed messages about having needs but doing everything possible to not be seen as ‘being needy’.

The result? A relentless pursuit to keep our needs hidden, fueling feelings of scarcity, shame, and worry.

But needs are an inherent part of being human.

In a society that has weaponized needs so that if you need, you are “needy,” the idea of expressing our needs even evokes fear and shame.

And we’ve created a moral binary around needs–good to have needs, bad to be needy, or good to help people but bad to be helped–which is exhausting and only serves to prop up the myth of rugged individualism.

Today’s guest joins me for a deep dive exploring our complicated relationship with needs and neediness. Mara Glatzel is the author of the book Needy, and we’re digging into how we come to see our needs as problems, as objects of shame, as feelings to heal or to banish, instead of as natural and normal.

Mara Glatzel, MSW (she/her) is an author, intuitive coach, and podcast host who helps humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy rhythms. Her superpower is saying what you need to hear when you need to hear it and she is here to help you believe in yourself as much as she believes in you.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How expressing our needs is rooted in a desire to be known, prioritized, and to feel like we matter
The social and cultural barriers to truly claiming and expressing our needs
How prioritizing and centering your needs challenges the narrative that your value is in what you can do
How we can validate others’ needs without necessarily having the capacity to meet them
Key practices for identifying and honoring your needs and building your capacity for discomfort
Differentiating between self-responsibility and hyper-individualism

Learn more about Mara Glatzel:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 81: Beyond Optics: Leadership and Meaningful Inclusion with Sand Chang, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 23 Jun 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Inclusion.

It’s a word that evokes strong emotions and reactions for many people. Some see it as a polarizing issue that elicits extreme rhetoric, while others recognize the need for us to confront discomfort and take responsibility for the impact of our leadership.

We have to consider what inclusion means to us, what it feels like, and how it shows up in our work and personal lives.

Because all too often, inclusion is reduced to a performative, box-checking act, instead of an opportunity to invest time, resources, and effort towards sustainable building inclusivity.

In a world that values efficiency and productivity, embracing inclusion can be uncomfortable. It requires introspection, cultural change, and a departure from traditional notions of power.

Inclusion is inconvenient because it compels us to think differently and confront our own biases. It also reveals how those in dominant cultures often prioritize their own inclusion, sometimes at the expense of others.

But true inclusion benefits everyone.

To foster true inclusion, leaders need to engage in deep work and shift their perspectives, beliefs, and actions. This transformation allows for the recognition and appreciation of all perspectives and contributions, ensuring that those in positions of privilege actively dismantle exclusionary systems.

Skilled leaders, like today’s guest, who guide individuals in this journey play a crucial role in creating a more inclusive society.

Dr. Sand Chang (they/them) is a Chinese American nonbinary psychologist, trainer, author, and DEI/organizational consultant with more than 20 years of experience. Through compassionate engagement, they partner with organizations and teams seeking meaningful structural and interpersonal change. Dr. Chang’s work is grounded in social justice, cultural awareness, and humility. Their areas of emphasis include trauma-informed diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), LGBTQ populations, trans health, and body liberation related to racial justice, and eating disorders.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Stretching beyond diversity to inclusivity and why a seat at the table isn’t enough
Why it’s essential to acknowledge the power differentials in our spaces and to do the work to deconstruct them
How organizations can move beyond optics to doing the work to support true inclusion
How urgency, perfectionism, shame, and fragility create barriers to progress
How bias and exclusion in research impact how we understand mental and physical health, and the limitations of “evidence-based” practices
Why people from privileged identities need to fight for marginalized people

Learn more about Dr. Sand Chang:

Website
Instagram: @heydrsand

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto, Tricia Hersey
Sort Of
Girls Just Want to Have Fun

EP 80: The Safety Spectrum: Navigating Discomfort and Cultivating Safe Spaces with Tasha Hunter, MSW, LCSW

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 09 Jun 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Are you a safe person?

Do you cultivate and lead spaces that are safe?

And how do you know the difference between lack of safety and discomfort?

The hard truth is that we can never declare a person or a space “safe.” We can do all we can to cultivate safety within ourselves and we can be intentional about doing our best to be safe but we cannot name a space or a person safe. That is for others to decide. Which is vulnerable and challenging.

If we want to increase our capacity for discomfort and work towards being safe, it will require us to get really clear on how we can be unsafe along with discerning the difference between safety and discomfort.

And if we truly want to be a part of cultivating safe spaces and be safe people to others, we have to build our capacity for discomfort to: be wrong, make mistakes, be misunderstood, set and maintain boundaries, speak up when harm happens, and take ownership of our part when harm is done. This is something we need to feel through, not just think through.

Today’s guest digs into the difference between safety and discomfort, and the qualities we show when we are actually unsafe people.

Tasha Hunter, MSW, LCSW is a Black, queer Internal Family Systems therapist. She is the owner of Ascension Growth Center, PLLC, servicing clients in North Carolina and Kansas. She serves Black/BIPOC women, and LGBTQ+. She is the author of the memoir, What Children Remember, and host of the podcast " When We Speak". She is passionate about speaking about adult child trauma, suicide, and collective healing and liberation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The basic tenets of creating a safer space
Why the goal of a harm-free space isn’t attainable, and why it matters more what happens when harm occurs
Why creating safe spaces is a practice, not an end point
Discerning the difference between discomfort and unsafety
Breaking down the qualities and behaviors of an unsafe person or space
How we can be unsafe to ourselves

Learn more about Tasha Hunter MSW, LCSW:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 79: Leading with Curiosity and Cultivating Authentic Connections with Toni Herbine-Blank, MS, RN, C-SP

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 26 May 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Conflict and discomfort are inevitable–in all areas of our work and life.

Now, most of us carry some kind of relational or betrayal trauma.

And these burdens impact how we lead and move through conflict, discomfort, and difference.

So when a rupture happens, there is often a rush to find comfort with some kind of a bid for repair. But if we do not do the work to reflect on our own systems’ needs first, we can end up doing more harm and continue to feel hooked by a situation.

Without this internal reflection, we can often default to actions that result in the opposite of our desired intention.

But this work gives us more choices and when we have more choices, we are less likely to feel trapped, panicked, and stuck.

And when we feel like we have more agency in our relationships, we feel more connected and close to those we lead and love.

Toni Herbine-Blank is the founder and director of the Intimacy from the Inside Out© training programs. She is a senior trainer for IFS-I and has been developing curriculum for the application of IFS to couples therapy for many years. She teaches nationally and internationally, delivering workshops and trainings for therapists interested in using IFS with multiple systems. She has co-authored two books on her methodology and enjoys time with her partner and her animals in the mountains of Durango, Colorado where she lives.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why the ability to differentiate ourselves from our partnerships is necessary for connection
Why the Intimacy from the Inside Out process starts with a U-turn toward the self
How the U-turn subverts the protective urge to blame and shame in moments of conflict
How our early wounds around getting our needs met impact our adult relationships
Why shame is the most common source of relationship rupture
Why the existence of conflict in a relationship isn’t the problem, but the way we pursue repair can be

Learn more about Toni Herbine-Blank:

Website
Instagram: @intimacyinsideout

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Nonwhite and Woman: 131 Micro Essays on Being in the World

EP 78: The Intersection of Relational Trauma and Business Boundaries with Heidi Taylor

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 12 May 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Your past experiences and relationships inform how you lead and run your business today, whether you are aware of it or not.

Overworking, perfectionism, fear of failure, crappy boundaries due to people pleasing or micro-managing can all stem from our relational history.

One of the more insidious aspects of trauma that can impact leaders and entrepreneurs is relational trauma, which can be difficult to identify and heal.

Unhealed relational trauma wounds often lie outside of our awareness leading to an unconscious drive to repeat the painful patterns we experienced in our present-day business and leadership.

My guest today wrote an email last summer about the connection between her relational trauma and how she is setting up her current business. She detailed some of the systems she has in place so she can serve the best right fit people while also protecting her energy and making sure she is not replicating her relational trauma in her business. I immediately sent her a reply to her email and invited her on the podcast. I am so honored she said yes.

Heidi Taylor is a business and sales coach with over a decade of experience. She helps experienced, high-touch service-based business owners increase sales conversion rates and demonstrate their expertise with a strong intake and sales process.

Heidi has a remarkable ability to help you feel confident in your sales process by helping you develop solid intake forms and asking better questions so you get straight into the sales conversation with confidence in both the buyer's intentions and your own ability to demonstrate the value of the service you have to offer.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How healing from her childhood experiences taught Heidi that she needed to slow down her sales process
Why Heidi’s boundary document is an integral part of building relationships of mutual respect with her clients
How building her business actually gave Heidi tools and confidence to address the traumas in her personal life
How Heidi approaches sales with curiosity and collaboration, rather than tactics that can be manipulative
How Heidi has redefined success after sacrificing her health and wellbeing in her early career

Learn more about Heidi Taylor:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 77: Inclusive Leadership: Welcoming and Creating Space for Neurodiversity with Jessie Ginsburg & Chris Wenger

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 28 Apr 2023 03:00:00 -0400

Do you consider yourself a sensitive person when it comes to sounds, smells, physical sensations, or taste?

Do you judge this kind of sensitivity in yourself or others?

Many people feel caught in the vice grip of having a nervous system that responds strongly to various kinds of sensory stimulation while also feeling judged and deeply misunderstood for being sensitive to things that others appear not to be bothered by in their day-to-day lives.

If you feel like you are too much or know someone who feels and responds to various stimuli deeply, then today’s show is for you.

My guests are speech and language pathologists who, like many, many support specialists, join me in my commitment to create spaces that welcome all and move away from ableist standards we have on what it means to be ‘normal’ and healthy. And they are committed to helping kids and the adults in their lives show up authentically without masking and hiding to appease the way things have always been done.

Jessie Ginsburg is a Sensory Integration trained speech-language pathologist and CEO of Pediatric Therapy Playhouse, a top-rated clinic in Los Angeles. Through her international publications and talks, and her global Inside Out Sensory Certificate Program, Jessie inspires a new way of thinking about the speech-language pathologist’s role in supporting autistic children.

Chris Wenger is an enthusiastic school-based SLP, internationally-acclaimed presenter, and creator of the Dynamic Assessment of Social Emotional Learning. A prominent thought leader in the field of speech pathology, and known on social media as “Speech Dude,” Chris motivates and entertains fellow educators and clinicians through his humorous and inspiring posts and videos.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why it’s important to understand why people stim not suppress behaviors that may not make sense to neurotypical people
Why Jessie and Chris believe in flipping the script on traditional therapies and using a model of client strengths and autonomy to guide their work
Why labels like high or low functioning are not only unhelpful but can actually be damaging
The disheartening statistics that show the harm in expecting neurodivergent people to mask and conform to neurotypical expectations
Why parents and educators need to be mindful of the goals and expectations they set for neurodivergent children

Learn more about Jessie Ginsburg & Chris Wenger:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 76: Changing the Conversation on Autism with Eric Garcia

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 21 Apr 2023 03:00:00 -0400

What does it mean to you to be broken? To be normal? And who gets to decide what it means to be broken or whole?

We live in a culture obsessed with fixing anything deemed broken - from stuff to people.

We need to create spaces where we do not see difference as broken.

And we do this by not settling for our current ways of navigating our discomfort with difference while pushing back on the burdened definition of what is normal and what is broken.

But inclusion is inconvenient. It is also uncomfortable. And awkward.

Facing your discomfort with difference and neurodivergence means facing your ableism.

Which is why I was so excited and honored to talk with today’s guest. His book is a beautiful testament to so those with neurodivergence and other intersectional identities that have been marginalized. It is written beautifully and is now my number one recommend when people ask for a book to read about autism.

Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for the Independent and the author of the book We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He is also a columnist for MSNBC. He previously worked as an assistant editor at the Washington Post’s Outlook section and an associate editor at The Hill, as well as a correspondent for National Journal, MarketWatch, and Roll Call. He has also written for the Daily Beast, the New Republic, and Salon.com. Garcia is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Eric connected the dots between bad or debunked ideas about autism and bad public policy around autism and neurodivergence
Why Eric maintained a journalist’s approach to his book, rather than writing a personal memoir
How a chance conversation led to Eric’s wrestling with his fear of being “outed” and internalized ableism
How Eric navigated consent and inspiration or pity “porn” when sharing other autistic people’s stories
How Eric has recontextualized the asterisks on his successes and taken ownership of his accomplishments

Learn more about Eric Garcia:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 75: Leading from the Intersection of Culture, Identity, and Sustainability with Jeffrey Brown & Jennifer Chen

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 31 Mar 2023 03:00:00 -0400

When you see a need or have a vision for something, what do you do? Especially when there is a lot going on in your life and in the world. Do you jump in and take action or do you get in your head with all the what-ifs and to-do lists so much so that you do not even start to explore or take action?

Many of us do both.

But there are folks who take action and do something that supports the greater good, even when it feels too hard and there are many, many unknowns.

They take risks, make hard decisions, and commit to their values with laser focus while leading with generosity, boundaries, and tenacity.

With so much unknown when the pandemic hit, it would have been easy for Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen to keep their vision for a new business in their heads and wait until things were less chaotic.

But they did the opposite.

They dove in with their vision for a new business that represented so much more than the products they were creating but became a true extension of their DNA and values.

Three years ago, they started IZOLA, a bakery making sourdough bread, croissants, and rolls. And they have transformed from lowering orders from their window to a thriving community hub in San Diego.

Jeffrey Brown is a prolific business builder who is passionate about creating fully immersive experiences - from reimagining the bakery industry and serving hot from the oven sourdough and croissants resulting in San Diego's only 5-star bakery to telling Pulitzer-recognized stories through film and photography.

Jennifer Chen has a background in e-commerce. She has spent the last 20 years building multi-million dollar brands in the areas of merchandising, product development, and business development. Now as co-founder of IZOLA, Jennifer has been able to utilize this experience and apply it to a new industry.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Jeffrey and Jennifer translated their love of bread into a way to connect with their community during COVID lockdowns
How they infused IZOLA with their values as the business started to grow and how that impacts how their hire and lead their team
Why they chose to use grassroots funding efforts rather than traditional methods of raising capital
How therapy helps Jennifer and Jeffrey create boundaries between their relationship and their business and navigate conflict
How their prior work experiences outside the food world have shaped IZOLA’s processes

Learn more about Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 57: Toxic Proving, Gender Bias, and the Not-Enough Loop with Wendy Collie

EP 74: Leading in Hard Times With Values and Boundaries with Kristen Campbell, DPT

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 03:00:00 -0400

“Do you respect yourself when you look back on the hard times in your life?”

Do you look back on your hard times and feel good about how you led yourself and others? And when you go through a perfect storm of events in your life, what are the certainty anchors and relationships that helped you stay afloat when it felt hard to keep breathing?

Taking the time to honestly reflect on how we feel about ourselves and our choices during a hard time helps us stay present in how we want to lead and live when the next challenge comes our way.

That’s why I wanted to talk with a few people who left me in awe of the care, forethought, and leadership they displayed throughout the pandemic. While everyone had their own stew of factors that complicated that time, leaders dealt with not only navigating the crisis themselves but offering guidance and vision for those they led.

Today’s guest is someone who knows that leading is not about perfection but instead about striving to improve while offering herself and others grace to screw it up and make mistakes while moving forward towards their collective commitments.

As a massage therapist and Doctor of Physical Therapy, Kristen Knightly Campbell is the Regional Director for Catalyst Physical Therapy and Wellness which has 3 clinics and 3 professional sports partnerships in San Diego, CA.

From 2012-2016, Kristen also worked with the United States Soccer Federation with youth, Paralympic and Olympic-level teams. She was primarily with the US Women’s National Soccer Team as they prepared for and won the 2015 Women’s World Cup in Canada. In 2016, Kristen stepped away from traveling with the team to start her family, teach at Point Loma Nazarene University in the Masters of Kinesiology program and dive further into her leadership role at Catalyst.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Kristen navigated the early days of COVID advocating for her team while understanding the concerns of the owner, all while on maternity leave
Why having a foundation of real respect and trust with her boss is essential to resolving conflict
How letting go of perfectionism and welcoming vulnerability has evolved Kristen’s leadership style
How COVID has impacted not only the way they deliver services, but also relationships between staff and management
How Kristen has navigated the emotional toll of COVID with an immunocompromised child

Learn more about Kristen Knightly Campbell:

Catalyst Physical Therapy and Wellness
Instagram: @catalystptandwellness

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens
Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement, Tarana Burke
Drake White - Makin’ Me Look Good Again)
Instant Family
Dirty Dancing
Top Gun

EP 73: The Potential of Psychedelics to Help and Heal with Victor Cabral

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 03 Mar 2023 03:00:00 -0500

Psychedelics are having a mainstream moment.

They continue to gain a bigger presence in our cultural awareness beyond their druggy stereotype over the last several decades.

Psychedelics also continue to grow as an approach to treating certain mental health conditions leading many people to rethink the role of these drugs from solely being dangerous to possible catalysts of healing.

Over the last several years, studies using psychedelics like Ketamine and MDMA have been released focusing on complex PTSD and depression in individuals who had what was dubbed “treatment resistant.”

The early results and continued results show incredible promise and are beginning to stretch views on the use of psychedelics beyond just party drugs and into powerful and legitimate supports to healing.

So, I started doing my own review of the research to find trusted resources to learn from who also understood the many layers–clinically, socially, economically, and legally–surrounding psychedelics as they gain a more mainstream lens and more people are using them to support their mental wellbeing.

My inquiries led me to today’s incredible and wholehearted Unburdened Leader guest.

Victor Alfonso Cabral is a collaborative and strategic leader who is committed to making an impact on historical inequalities in his community and beyond. Victor serves as the Director of Policy and Regulatory Affairs for Fluence Training, a company that provides evidence-based training in psychedelic-assisted therapy and psychedelic harm reduction and integration services (PHRI) to clinicians across the world. Victor is also a Licensed Social Worker and practicing psychotherapist with training in Internal Family Systems, psychedelic-assisted therapy, and psychedelic harm reduction and integration. He is listed on Students for Sensible Drug Policy’s list of 40 Under 40 Outstanding BIPOC Leaders in Drug Policy in the United States and received the 2022 Emerging Social Work Leader Award from the National Association of Social Workers of Pennsylvania.

Please note: Much of what is discussed is still not legal in most states and studies. This is a conversation and not a blanket permission slip to use these powerful substances without specialized and caring support. Stay curious and discerning.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How connecting with his community as a struggling young adult informed Victor’s call to servant leadership and his healing journey
How a harm reduction approach to setting and safety informs Victor’s approach to psychedelics
Potential red flags to be aware of with psychedelic experiences and facilitators
Why it’s vital to consider the structural issues inherent in our cultural and legal systems when considering who benefits and profits from psychedelics
How Victor’s personal experiences with healing with psychedelic support have allowed him to unburden and tap into joy, liberation, and authenticity

Learn more about Victor Cabral:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

We Are the Medicine
Fireside Project
Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, adrienne maree brown
Journal of Radical Permission: A Daily Guide for Following Your Soul's Calling Sonya Renee Tyalor and adrienne maree brown
2Pac - “Changes”
Atlanta
Do the Right Thing

EP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick Schwartz

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 03:00:00 -0500

Rugged individualism occupies the heart of American mythology.

We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. We ignore structural inequality and rely on our “can do” attitudes. We take on the personal shame of job loss or bankruptcy or health struggles.

And we unquestionably accept that to make it in America, all we need to do is work hard.

Are we happier and is our society stronger for all our self-reliance? Or does individualism exacerbate the political, social, and interpersonal issues that cause us all so much pain? And in what ways do we collude with this toxic myth as we lead and support others around us?

In today’s leadership roundtable conversation, my guests discuss how addressing the cultural burden of individualism is a powerful place to start when looking to also address the cultural burdens of racism, sexism, and consumerism.

Deran Young is a licensed therapist, CDWF, CDTL, Co-Author of the New York Times Best Seller, You Are Your Best Thing, retired military officer, and the founder of Black Therapists Rock.

Black Therapists Rock is a nonprofit organization that mobilizes over 30,000 mental health professionals committed to reducing the psychological impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma. Deran is a leading influencer and public figure committed to spreading mental health awareness and improving health equity.

Dr. Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books, including his latest book, No Bad Parts, and over fifty articles about IFS.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Four cultural legacy burdens and how they impact everything from our personal lives to our government
How individualism helps perpetuate denial of systemic burdens
The difference between shame and guilt as we identify the burdens we carry
How addressing the parts of you that hold our cultural burdens can keep overwhelm and shame from activating
Why curiosity and compassion are not the same as complicity
Why clarity is the opposite of denial

Learn more about Deran Young:

Learn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 71: Countering Cultures Obsessive Pursuit of Health with Jason and Lauren Pak

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 03:00:00 -0500

How we talk about health matters.

Conversations about health are pervasive–when we get to know each other, when we play catch up, at kid pick-ups, and in between calls or meetings.

Many of us see these conversations as benign since they are so commonplace and seem universal in their relatability.

Yet, these conversations matter because so many of our beliefs around health are connected to a more complicated web of power and profit that burdens our culture and our own well-being.

Those beliefs can often be traced back to diet culture which fat-shames, fuels disordered eating practices and more serious clinical eating disorders, and spikes feelings of depression and anxiety.

Diet culture is not just a trendy hashtag or something to police our words. It impacts all of us - whether we feel like we are sucked into it or not.

Diet culture fuels orthorexia which places moral meaning on the food we eat, what our bodies look like, and the kind of fitness we engage in.

Diet culture demonizes ways of eating and elevates others- not based on sound science but trends often promoted by influencers and celebrities.

Today’s guests are doing incredible work countering dangerous and inaccurate views of fitness and health. They offer accessible training that honors the positives of movement for ALL in ways that do not fuel a toxic obsession with fitness and health. And they share their windy journey in the fitness space that led to their philosophy and approach today.

Lauren and Jason Pak are a personal training duo on a mission to bring a more grounded and reasonable approach to health and fitness. They have been personal trainers for 16 years and owned a gym for nearly a decade, and throughout that time they've come to realize that the extremes that exist in the fitness industry lead to intimidation and a lack of confidence, so they are out to combat that messaging in order to help people feel more empowered to take on their own health and fitness endeavors.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Lauren and Jason both struggled with extremes in the fitness and health worlds before landing on their “reasonably fit” approach
Why Jason and Lauren believe that developing a fitness plan is a conversation, not a list of shoulds or trends
How seeing her clients yo-yo between joy at accomplishment and despair at the scale impacted Lauren’s self-talk and the way she trains for herself and others
Why they don’t discourage clients from “scratching the itch” of a trendy workout
How they create messaging in their social media that goes against toxic diet and fitness culture

Learn more about Jason and Lauren Pak:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly Diels

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 20 Jan 2023 03:00:00 -0500

We need to talk about power.

Like, get into the nitty gritty details on what we believe about power, how we move around power, and how we see ourselves in relationship to power.

We need to get really clear on how we define it so we can truly understand the impact that our definitions of power have on our beliefs and actions.

There are too many examples of people in power who still have a dated and toxic view of power while others struggle to see themselves as powerful.

Our relationship to power impacts our choices, as children, when we set out to have careers, and in our relationships with others.

My guest today showed me how we–especially those who identify as women–have a harder time embracing power versus empowerment and how our incomplete definitions of power welcome the more palatable empowerment lens, but fear or reject the true roots of empowerment.

Kelly Diels is a thinker, teacher, and "development coach for culture makers".

Over the last 10 years, she has worked with NY Times best-selling authors, national and international feminist organizations, and thousands of online entrepreneurs. Her research & frameworks are designed to help you get out of shame and into power — so you can make the difference you’re dreaming of in your business, in your life, and in our wider culture. Her approach is grounded in her training as a political theorist and feminist theorist. She is the first in her family to graduate from university. Parenting five children who are black has given Kelly a ringside seat for the bias, discrimination, and harassment they live with on a daily basis — and the anger, anguish, and grief drives her to use whatever resources she has to change our cultural systems.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Unpacking the difference between empowerment and power, and why we need to embrace generative, skilled forms of power in our lives
How to begin reclaiming power from what others have shamed in you
Why changing your relationship to shame and power is more than an individualistic mindset problem
How Kelly’s changing relationship to power and systemic injustice impacted her relationships
What it means to an intentional, deliberate culture maker
How Kelly has flipped “high maintenance” into a positive asset that helps her uphold her standards and boundaries

Learn more about Kelly Diels:

Website
Instagram: @kelly.diels
Subscribe to the Sunday Love Letter

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 69: Remembering the January 6th Insurrection with Julie Tagen

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 06 Jan 2023 03:00:00 -0500

When we ignore our collective losses and tragedies, we only compound the pain they generate.

And when we feel like our pain is ignored or we cannot share it, remembering can become complicated. And how we lead can become toxic.

No matter your age, you have moments in your life that are embedded in your nervous system–the time, the place, who you were with–when something significant happened in your world that shook you to your core.

When we experience significant collective losses, who we were with and how we connected impacts how we metabolize shock, grief, or horror, as we grapple to make sense of the experience in the moment.

And the sense of community, or lack thereof, we feel during those moments also impacts our remembering.

When we remember together, we comfort each other. And we also come together to ask the hard questions that support change that sustains.

Over the last 2 years, the January 6th Committee has gathered an incredible amount of data, eyewitness accounts, and transcripts of many conversations that led to the Insurrection. Formal criminal recommendations have just been sent to the Department of Justice as the committee prepares to close down.

And for this year’s anniversary, I am replaying my conversation with Julie Tagen, Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, who served on the January 6th committee.

Julie Tagen is the Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, (MD-08). She is a veteran leader in DC politics and campaigns. She is committed to leaving a legacy to the next generation of leaders who will continue the work she has cared so much about for over two decades.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Julie’s first-hand account of what she experienced on January 6 and what she learned about herself that day and in the aftermath
How Julie has kept cynicism at bay and how she defines success after 25+ years in politics
Why Julie believes it is critical for politicians to address the cultural issues in their communities to win voters
How Julie’s experience as a gay, Jewish woman in politics have evolved since her first job and coming out in the 90s
Why we should be paying closer attention the Congressional investigation into the events of January 6

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Vicarious Traumatization: An Empirical Study of the Effects of Trauma Work on Trauma Therapists, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian
Transforming the Pain, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Karen W Saakvitne
Four Hours At The Capitol, HBO Original Documentary

EP 68: 2022 Debrief: Slower Is Faster

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 23 Dec 2022 03:00:00 -0500

Today I am bringing back my annual debrief to the podcast.

Looking back on 2022 has been fruitful and offered a lot of data collecting. You know I love to collect data and review what choices, behaviors, and commitments were kept and which of them were not honored.

But looking back has not always been a practice or something I enjoyed. In fact, it felt counterintuitive to me. I know many business spaces normalize this practice but a trauma-informed lens, plus working with hundreds of people over the years, has taught me that practices which in theory should be filled with ease can really stir up whatever echoes of burdens we are carrying.

I feel like for most of my life has been forging ahead with little reflection on looking back. As a result, my inner system felt like it was dangerous to look back.

But when I shifted to looking back as data collection, and not connected to my identity, worthiness, or safety, looking back became a part of my practice of curiosity, noticing, and integration.

In fact, I can’t not look back now, as I want to reflect on patterns, habits, experiences, and changes.

The deep change we want in our lives, in our business, in our relationships, and in our well-being comes with regular reflection and data collection so we can make the needed tweaks and adjustments over time.

Taking time, even into the new year, to truly reflect can even lead to unburdening. Protect this time. And honor the dreams and desires you have for the upcoming year by taking the time to collect the much-needed data that will help download what is in your head and heart into a lived experience.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The many reasons I worked to embrace “slow” in 2022
Why “space” and “pace” are my words for 2023
How committing to space and pace will encompass honoring boundaries and commitments
My favorite movies, TV shows, books, and experiences of 2022

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 67: Emotional Labor, Social Capital, and #vulnerability with Tara McMullin

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 09 Dec 2022 03:00:00 -0500

We all connect with the power of vulnerability in ourselves and in others.

And vulnerability continues to be misunderstood and misappropriated in marketing businesses and services, political campaigns, legislative agendas, and leadership, to name a few.

These days, discerning between true vulnerability and what today’s guest calls #vulnerability can become a real challenge.

When vulnerability is used with an agenda to acquire more community, brand awareness, or social capital, this agenda moves us away from the heart of this courageous state.

Vulnerability is complicated because it RARELY feels good. But what leads us to vulnerability often is good, because it means we are following our integrity even when there’s a lot to lose.

Many of us struggle with vulnerability because we struggle with knowing ourselves. All too often, we know more about who we think we should be, than who we really are.

This becomes extra challenging when the expectation to “just be vulnerable” as a tool to lead and to sell continues to increase.

But if we do not have our own clarity of values, clarity of our identity, then vulnerability turns into a commodity to use.

#vulnerability is so attractive–even seductive–because it draws us in with stories and experiences that evoke emotion. And it usually draws the likes, follows, shares that so many covet.

And today’s guest digs deep with me #hashtag vulnerability today.

Tara McMullin is a writer, podcaster, and producer who's been making business make sense for small business owners for over 12 years. She's the host of What Works, a podcast about entrepreneurship for humans that's been downloaded over 4 million times. She's also the co-founder of Yellow House Media. Her new book, What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting, was released in November 2022.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How economic uncertainty plays into the way we leverage vulnerability for social capital
How social media algorithms take advantage of vulnerability and heightened emotions to keep us scrolling
How privilege, marginalization and risk intersect with vulnerability online
The difference between self-disclosure and true vulnerability
How both performative confidence and performative vulnerability can lead to self-alienation
Why we need to account for emotional labor and capacity when we’re considering our resources

Learn more about Tara McMullin:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 66: Rethinking Self-Care and Workplace Wellbeing with Dr. Michelle Barton

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 25 Nov 2022 03:00:00 -0500

One of the biggest challenges to self-care is that it means different things to different people.

Is it bubble baths and facials? Nice vacations and or buying a coveted outfit or pair of shoes? Or is it advocating for reasonable wages and safe working conditions?

For some, self-care is a justification to splurge or just take a dang day off when a justification sadly should not be needed. For others, self-care is a means of survival and maintaining the capacity to keep moving forward when things feel bleak.

And all too often, self-care is now presented with an individualist lens that puts the onus firmly on us and ignores the systemic influences that get in the way of caring for ourselves, and the very real need for community and support in our lives.

Self-care is not a problem that can be solved through consumption or a prescriptive plan but is both an individual practice and deeply relational and connected to the communal.

So when I read an article by today’s guest about how we need to stop framing wellness programs around Self Care, I reached out and invited her to join me on the show.

Dr. Michelle Barton is an Associate Professor at the Johns Hopkins Carey Business School with expertise in organizational and team resilience, managing uncertainty, and interpersonal effectiveness during adversity.

Drawing from wildland firefighting, high-tech entrepreneurship, expedition racing, and military operations, her research considers how groups make sense of ambiguous situations, how they coordinate, learn and share knowledge in the midst of confusion, and how they mitigate and recover from adversity. She is especially focused on the relational dynamics that enable these practices.

Dr. Barton’s research has appeared in many academic and practitioner journals and she has presented her work at venues such as NASA, the U.S. Army Medical Command, Johns Hopkins University Patient Safety Conference, and Boston Medical Center among others.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why relationships and connectedness are actually the keys to resilience
How popular framings of grit and resilience ignore our agency in the face of adversity
Why we need to place the burden on systems and organizations for creating environments where we don’t need to be as resilient
Why leaders who help their teams grapple with negative emotions collectively have better outcomes
How to foster connection within organizations before there’s a crisis

Learn more about Dr. Michelle Barton:

Michelle Barton, PhD, Faculty Page
Connect with Dr. Barton on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 65: Choosing Honest Over Perfect: Transparent Business Practices with Barrett Ward

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 11 Nov 2022 03:00:00 -0500

Conscious consumption is one of the hottest trends in retail marketing.

We shop to make a difference, have an impact, build a better world.

But many of the businesses that claim to be doing good are running on business models or operating principles that are hardly disruptive.

Instead, they're counting on consumers' desire to both have their cake and eat it too.

The more companies can convince us that shopping equals advocacy, the more we'll buy.

With all that said, I was curious what a company would look like - beyond the marketing pulling at my heartstrings - running with the full awareness of what it means to truly disrupt exploitation.

A company that honors transparency and relationships will have the answers to our questions without defaulting to marketing speak or trendy buzz words, and that’s why I wanted to speak with today’s guest.

Leading a fashion lifestyle brand might be an unlikely role for someone self-described as “not a fashion guy,” but that’s exactly where ABLE CEO Barrett Ward finds himself. As the visionary behind the rapidly growing Nashville-based company disrupting the fashion industry with a social conscience, Ward was inspired to start ABLE with the mission of creating sustainable economic opportunities for women. ABLE has grown into a lifestyle brand carrying beautiful leather bags, jewelry, denim, apparel, and shoes with a primary focus on employing and empowering women in Ethiopia, Brazil, India, Mexico, and Nashville, TN.

Beyond adding new categories and communities of impact, Ward and ABLE have also grown in their ambition for social justice. In 2018, ABLE became the first brand to publish their lowest wages, creating the #PublishYourWages movement and providing complete transparency to empower and protect the fashion industry’s vulnerable workers – most of whom are women.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The impact of rapid growth on Barrett’s mental health, and why he believes it’s important to share his “face down” moments
How toxic positivity around the normal challenges of running a business exacerbated Barrett’s fear of failure
How Barrett and his team are fostering an environment of transparency and support at Able
How Barrett learned to reconcile his beliefs about non-profit versus for-profit and a company’s ability to do good
How Able manages its relationships and accountability with partner organizations and manufacturers

Learn more about Barrett Ward:

Able Clothing (Use promo code UNBURDENED for 15% off all full-price items through 12/31/2022)
Instagram: @able

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

The Unburdened Leader Ep 22: Clear and Decisive Leadership with Founder of Frank and Eileen, Audrey McLoghlin
The Unburdened Leader Ep 19: Defining Your Own Version Success - Natalie Borton
Despicable Me 2 - Happy Music Video - Pharrell Williams (2013) HD
Vivo
Lucas

EP 64: Coping is Not Healing: Making Sense of the Pain with Natalie Gutierrez Part 2

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 03:00:00 -0400

The mental load we all carry right now is next level.

But just because this load is invisible does not make it any less important.

Kids, pets, aging family members, school, work, the economy, democracy, access to safe and affordable health care, chronic health issues - the list goes on and on, and feels like it keeps piling on without relief or end in sight.

On top of this, we carry past pains and difficult life experiences too.

And most of us don’t realize how much pain we carry until we end up on the brink.

Many people face systemic barriers that make that load heavier, and don’t have access to time and resources to find relief. And we’re also bombarded with messages like, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” that make carrying a lot a badge of honor.

What if our places of work cultivated spaces that supported healing instead of perpetuating over-functioning and over-working?

If you want to cultivate spaces that have a greater capacity for discomfort, then you need to start with an audit of your own current capacity and all you are carrying.

Today, Natalie Gutierrez is back for part two of our conversation about her book, The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color, and a deeper dive into the impact of carrying pain because of unaddressed trauma, toxic culture, and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.

Natalie Gutierrez (she/her) is a Puerto-Rican psychotherapist, author, and speaker who grew up in native Lenape land, now known as New York City. Much of her work is dedicated to providing trauma-informed psychotherapy to Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color/Mixed race. She works with adult individuals struggling with Complex PTSD. She is a proud mother of two, and a growing equestrian.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the imperative for urgency - fueled by supremacy culture - makes rest feel uncomfortable or even threatening
How rest creates a “thaw” around our exiled feelings that can make us want to retreat into busyness
How Natalie has learned to approach feelings of “not enough,” imposter experience, and self-criticism in a healing way
How Natalie has cultivated a healing relationship with herself and her body
How Natalie is redefining success through the lens of authenticity

Learn more about Natalie Gutierrez:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

The Unburdened Leader Ep 29: Frank Anderson, MD - Challenging the Fear of Rejection and Leading with Vulnerability - Part 2
The Unburdened Leader Ep 27: Frank Anderson, MD - Challenging the Fear of Rejection and Leading with Vulnerability - Part 1
Espiritismo: Puerto Rican Mediumship & Magic, Hector Salva
Bad Bunny

EP 63: How Choosing Nice Can Lead to More Harm with Jenny Booth Potter

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 14 Oct 2022 03:00:00 -0400

There is a difference between nice and kind.

Niceness is appeasing and complacent. Kindness is loving and generous.

Niceness, in IFS terms, can be experienced as a strong protector shielding us from vulnerability and risk by over-accommodating others. True kindness, on the other hand, connects us to our compassion and our values.

We sacrifice our integrity to play nice, to go along to get along. When we lead from niceness, we sugar coat and people please. While this may offer some relief, this posture usually creates more stress and internal dissonance.

To lead with kindness, you need the capacity to receive and navigate the responses of others. Kindness stirs up vulnerability because we do not know how we will be received, how we will be perceived, or how others will respond.

And these fears are especially common when navigating conversations and feedback around race, gender, ability, and so much more.

My guest today helps me dig deep into the intersection of niceness, whiteness, and standing against racism.

Jenny Booth Potter is a creative producer, storyteller, and co-host of The Next Question, a web series about expanding our imagination for racial justice. She has co-led racial justice trainings across the country for churches and organizations, and is a founding partner of HerSelf Media, a company that aims to create stories that empower and bring joy to Black women. Jenny’s first book, Doing Nothing is No Longer An Option:One Woman’s Journey Into Everyday Antiracism will be released October 25, 2022. Jenny and her husband make their home outside of Chicago with their two boys and one wild puppy.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The connection between niceness and defensiveness, and how it prevents real growth
How niceness inhibits self-reflection and reflecting on the systems we uphold and are a part of
The moment when Jenny realized that doing nothing was not an option
Why white people have to grapple with their roles as oppressors
How perfectionism and supremacy show up when we approach anti-racism work

Learn more about Jenny Booth Potter:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 62: Coping is Not Healing: Making Sense of the Pain with Natalie Gutierrez Part 1

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 30 Sep 2022 03:00:00 -0400

We all carry pain. All of us.

We navigate the vice grip of the pains from our past along with the pains from the present while trying to keep it all together.

And when things break, we often carry the blame and responsibility for our pain because we’ve absorbed the messages that our struggles are our sole responsibility; neglecting to see the systems, the business practices, and the cultural norms that weigh us down, too.

As a result, the desire to control our emotions and our environments runs deep.

And our protectors are often on high alert editing our words, our tones, and how we express emotions–especially the difficult ones.

But when we seek to control both our inner world and our external world as a means of creating safety, we end up having the opposite effect.

To counter these toxic messages and systems, we need to do our own inner work and set the foundation for the capacity to make changes in the spaces where we live and work.

When it comes to talking about the pain we carry, I could not think of a better person to have a conversation with on this topic than Natalie Gutierrez, author of the new book and aptly titled book, The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color.

Content Warning: Discussion of childhood abuse, neglect, racism, and traumas. Listen with care and if listening is too much for your system, don’t push through. Honor the messages your body is sending and respect the need to pause if that is what’s needed.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How a formative experience in elementary school impacted Natalie’s relationship with approval, assimilation, success, and hustle
What happened for Natalie when her survival and coping mechanisms finally weren’t enough to keep her going
How Natalie’s relationship to both her ancestral rage and personal rage have evolved from explosivity to friendship
The importance of acknowledging and naming the shame behind our burdens
Why we have to accept external conflict in order to honor ourselves

Learn more about Natalie Gutierrez:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 61: Mental Health and Entrepreneurship: Confronting the Stigmas with Jason Van Orden

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 16 Sep 2022 03:00:00 -0400

Quick-fix solutions abound for mental health challenges.

As leaders, we’re fed the same advice over and over again. Generic one-size-fits-all “thought work” designed to alleviate our gloom and get us back on the road to success.

But that generic advice comes up short. And much of it further stigmatizes mental health struggles, failure, and doubt to the point where people fake it until they make it and then end up face down in a serious mental health crisis.

We as leaders and business owners have a responsibility to offer something other than quick fixes or bandaids. We have to do the work to create spaces for the nuances of life to show up.

We need to make mental health a priority in our businesses. How we all approach mental well-being can shift the stigmas around struggle while honoring the whole person with as much care as our bottom line.

Today’s guest joins me for an important and nuanced conversation about the intersection of entrepreneurship and mental well-being, from his perspective as a long-time entrepreneur and someone who has had to reclaim his relationship with his mental health.

Jason Van Orden helps authors, academics, and speakers turn their “intellectual equity” into new streams of scalable income and a business model that amplifies their work. As a consultant, trainer, and strategist, he draws from more than sixteen years of experience, including creating multiple successful brands, launching over 60 online courses, teaching more than 10,000 entrepreneurs, earning seven figures in online course sales, and generating 8 million downloads of his podcasts. His mission is to help visionaries with impactful ideas to connect with the people they serve best and the problems they can most uniquely solve.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What Jason discovered when decided to get vulnerable about his struggles with mental health after ten years of hiding it
What he realized staying silent was actually costing him in his life and relationships
Why it’s important to acknowledge that mental health is a journey, with no magic bullet solutions
How the emphasis on mindset and positivity in entrepreneurship spaces negatively impacts mental wellbeing

Learn more about Jason Van Orden:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 60: Enneagram, Anti-racism, and Resilience with Jessica Dickson

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 02 Sep 2022 03:00:00 -0400

We often look at the results of quizzes and personality assessments for language to help describe ourselves to others. And to better understand ourselves.

These assessments can help us manage how we hire, date, and even want others perceive us.

The language of these tests can fuel connection and belonging within and with others–to an extent.

But it can also be used to sort, judge, or even shame aspects of another’s personality. These assessments can be used to silo an aspect of how people show up or experience the world, into something that becomes polarizing or seen as “good” or “bad.”

We react to judgments of a trait in someone else instead of being present to someone’s full identity.

Yet, used with self-reflection and curiosity, assessment systems like the Enneagram can further a deeper understanding of ourselves, so we can in turn lead ourselves and others from a place of health.

My guest today is shaking things up around how we experience and use the Enneagram. And I am loving how she integrates the Enneagram into her anti-racism work and writings.

Jessica Denise Dickson (she/her/hers) is a life empowerment coach who believes that when Black women heal, the world heals. She believes that the path to personal and collective healing comes through examining the systemic issues that impact each of us, and unraveling oppressive systems from our personal, internalized, and collective worldviews. She utilizes the inner work of the Enneagram with the context setting of antiracism to create healing environments for her clients in one-on-one work, group work, and with organizations so that every human can live more authentically with self-trust, self-safety, and fully embodied freedom that is collectively sustained and celebrated.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How shame, fear, and scarcity lay the foundation for the culture of whiteness and how it impacts how white people engage with anti-racism work
How systems like the Enneagram give us language to describe and understand our experiences
How the Enneagram helps us understand our motivations and reactivity, so that we can approach growth and expansion with more self-awareness
Why the goal of Enneagram work is not to overcome your type or exile your reactivity
How embodiment builds resilience and connection

Learn more about Jessica Dickson:

JessicaDDickson.com
Instagram: @JessicaDDicksonCoaching

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 59: The Transformational Power of Conversational Leadership with Daniel Stillman

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 19 Aug 2022 03:00:00 -0400

How you talk to yourself often reflects how you lead and how you talk with others.

The harshness of your inner conversations seeps through into your conversations with others. The vice grip of judgment, resentment, and out of aligned expectations you’re holding combined with the burdens from difficult life experiences make it loud between the ears.

We navigate our internal conversations while simultaneously engaging in conversations with others. It gets messy and the inner conversations eventually spill out to our external conversations.

But our inner conversations of doubt, shame, and judgment are not a moral failure but a reflection of our past pain plus the world we live in and the thousands of messages we get everyday focused on questioning our health and our worth.

The message that we are the problem when we are struggling with how we talk to ourselves leaves out the responsibility of our history, our current culture that conflates beauty, power, and confidence in a way that fosters more hubris and masking.

We need to learn to befriend the parts of ourselves that are hyper critical and judgemental instead of exiling them or power-over them.

My guest today specializes in conversational leadership. The tools and practices he offers help us design conversations that matter.

Daniel Stillman designs conversations for a living and insists that you do, too. He's an executive coach for leaders who want to facilitate real change. He's also the host of The Conversation Factory podcast and author of Good Talk, a handbook for changemakers and innovators.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How creating the conditions for a transformational conversation opens the door to possibilities and new understanding
How paying attention to space, place, and time sets the stage for transformational conversations
How your internal conversations directly impact your ability to communicate with others
Why conversational leaders need to focus on intrinsically motivating others
The elements of a “conversation operating system”

Learn more about Daniel Stillman:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 58: An Ecosystem Approach to Leading Community and Business with Pamela Slim

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 05 Aug 2022 03:00:00 -0400

When you experience something that elicits an emotional response at work, you respond according to the extent of the emotional burdens you carry.

Our burdens come from our past traumas combined with the real-time heart-wrenching news–on repeat–we are moving through right now in our country.

And our places of work can also be ground zero for some really painful experiences or where we relive difficult life experiences.

When we can connect the impact of our traumatic and difficult life experiences to how we lead, that builds the foundation for a trauma-informed culture.

It also moves us out of an individualistic lens to a collective approach to healing and change.

And when we can name the traumatic experiences that happen in our places of work without retribution and move to accountability and repair, this also builds a trauma informed culture that moves us beyond pathologizing pain and struggle to normalizing. Even healing it.

When the whole community is moving forward together guided by principles that foster safe and brave spaces, this is where we can cultivate change individually and systemically.

My guest today has an approach to leading that supports workplaces to be thriving businesses that build the kinds of communities that heal and push back on the power over approaches so many of us were raised in and trained in.

Pamela Slim is an award-winner author, speaker and business coach who works with small business owners ready to scale their businesses and IP. She is the author of Escape from Cubicle Nation, Body of Work, and The Widest Net. Pam and her husband Darryl co-founded the K’é Main Street Learning Lab in Mesa, Arizona, where they host scores of diverse community leaders and regular small business programming.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What her years as a management consultant taught Pamela about over-identifying ourselves with the organizations we work for
Why leaders need to cultivate cultures of safety, trust, and openness in order to respect their employees’ needs
How leaders can engage their employees in transparent, participatory decision-making
Why an ecosystem approach to entrepreneurship is more sustainable than empire-building

Learn more about Pamela Slim:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 57: Toxic Proving, Gender Bias, and the Not-Enough Loop with Wendy Collie

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 03:00:00 -0400

When we spend most of our time trying to prove our worth, our proving shifts to looking for safety and validation from external sources and delegates our worth to others.

When we engage in this kind of proving, we end up in what I call the “not enough” loop.

The not enough loop is rooted in the belief that if you can change or fix yourself based on these external metrics–the standard of enough–you’ll get relief and feel more secure and capable.

But it only deepens our feelings of insecurity, comparison, and scarcity, which loops back to looking outside ourselves for validation. The not enough loop counts on us to externalize our worthiness.

When we fall into the not enough loop in our work, we often hear blanket labels like “imposter syndrome” that place responsibility on the individual and shut down conversations about the biases and pressures that make imposter syndrome and the not enough loop so much more prevalent for anyone who doesn’t identify as a straight, white, cis male.

My guest today has been through the grind of toxic environments, gender biases, and all of the things that can feed the not enough loop.

Wendy Collie is a former Fortune 200 executive with a passion for triple bottom line organizations who are customer-focused while having employee-oriented philosophies as a cornerstone for transformative, sustainable, and profitable growth.

Wendy believes that organizations have a responsibility to improve the lives of their customers, employees, and their communities, and that success is measured by both stakeholders and shareholders, no matter the size of the company.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What happened when Wendy was struggling to prove herself on all fronts
Why living her values meant stepping away from a job she loved
How Wendy evaluated the deep roots of her need to prove herself, and decoupled her identity from her title
Why Wendy believes in intentionally crafting company culture and how that impacts hiring and management practices
How Wendy reframes proving and perfectionism in her work now

Learn more about Wendy Collie:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome, Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey
The 5 Biases Pushing Women Out of STEM, Joan C. Williams
The Murderbot Diaries, Martha Wells
Florence and the Machine
The Great
CODA
When Harry Met Sally...

EP 56: The Intersection of Leadership, Brand, and Inner Work with Nicole "Ziza" Bauer

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 01 Jul 2022 03:00:00 -0400

It feels like we are in a collective hangover right now as we unlearn toxic ways of viewing difficult emotions, life experiences, and just being human.

And the commitment to understand those unpleasant feelings or aspects of ourselves isn’t any less daunting. It’s hard work to discover why we can’t set and maintain boundaries or deepen the courage to speak up when the stakes are high.

But our capacity for discomfort creates our capacity to lead with courage.

Our ability to work with our emotions helps us achieve the changes we desire inside us and around us.

Working with our emotions–doing inner work– involves an intention to better understand why we do and feel and respond the way we do.

When we do inner work, we take responsibility for our own needs, our pain, our difficult life experiences. We listen to our discomfort and get curious about what we need instead of exiling the parts of us that need our support.

Sure, this kind of awareness without action fosters more individualism. But when we deepen our awareness of what happens internally, it can also deepen our impact in the world around us.

And when we lead with more courage, compassion, and confidence, that has a much needed ripple effect outside of us.

My guest today lives this practice in a deeply human and accessible way that encourages and inspires.

Nicole “Ziza” Bauer is a content editor at Magnolia. Previously, she worked as the Online Managing Editor for DARLING, as well as a freelance writer in food and travel.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ziza let go of external opinions and the perception of what it means to be an adult to listen to her intuition and pursue her passion
How she uses social media as a tool for connecting and the guardrails and boundaries she has put in place around social
Why business leaders and content creators need inner work to develop the capacity to respond to social and cultural moments with courage and integrity
How an unexpected and disappointing job loss allowed Ziza to step into new professional growth

Learn more about Nicole Ziza Bauer:

NicoleZizaBauer.com
Instagram: @zizavita

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 55: Embodied Leadership: Pushing Back and Speaking Truth with Lisa Gungor

Rebeca Ching — Fri, 17 Jun 2022 03:00:00 -0400

When being right is more important to you than being in relationship, difference and questioning become something to fear.

And fear shuts down connection and curiosity.

Unattended grief and rage are fertile ground for fear to have a party with our capacity to stay curious and welcome the discomfort of doubt and questions.

And trust cannot exist without the ability to share and question the norms and beliefs of a community.

When we lead or are led this way, questions become a threat to belonging and status quo.

And when you are in the public eye, there seems to be even less room for doubt and more momentum for digging heels into being right, at the sacrifice of relationships and dignity.

Today’s Unburdened Leader guest and her husband lost friends, community, and much of their livelihood when they started to question some of the foundational tenets of their beliefs, which were deeply intertwined into their community.

Instead of their doubt and curiosity being welcomed and honored, their questioning came at a great cost that reflected that many in their community were more invested in being right over their relationships.

Lisa Gungor has been scribbling down songs since she was seven years old. A maker at heart, Lisa studied art in college, and in 2005 she began recording and traveling with the band that eventually turned into the two-time Grammy-nominated musical collective known as Gungor. She has new solo music under the name Isa Ma, and is co-founder of Sacred Feminine.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Lisa’s beliefs and identity got publicly subsumed, first with her band then with her husband’s questioning
What Lisa learned from the solidarity of the friends and community members who stuck by them
How Lisa found her songwriting voice while struggling with her faith and infertility
What embodied leadership means to Lisa

Learn more about Lisa Gungor:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 54: Honoring the Fullness of Your Grief with Marisa Renee Lee

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 03 Jun 2022 03:00:00 -0400

If you don't take time to grieve, your body will make the time for you.

Grief is an emotion that does not respond to intellectual strategies or hacks. It has a job to do and it will take you out if you do not listen to it.

And there are not many spaces that encourage you to take the time to tend to the fullness of your grief.

Work deadlines are still looming. Bills still need to be paid. Family care needs are still all too present.

But when we neglect to approach our grief and the grief of others with the reverence it deserves, we may unintentionally become complicit in toxic narratives around grief while doing harm to ourselves and to others.

And when grief is not tended to, our bodies end up being the truth tellers in ways of: anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, brain fog, and so much more to get us to pay attention to our grief.

My guest today addresses powerfully what it looks like to normalize grief and what happens when we try to bypass it.

Marisa Renee Lee is a writer, speaker, entrepreneur and grief advocate. She's the author of Grief is Love; the founder of the social impact consultancy Beacon Advisors; the co-founder of the digital platform Supportal, which offers resources to those going through hardship and loss; and the founder of The Pink Agenda, a national organization dedicated to raising money for breast cancer care, research, and awareness.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Marisa went through anticipatory grief leading up to her mother’s death, and how it couldn’t prepare her for the actual loss
Why there is no getting over some fundamental losses and why that’s okay
The mental and physical toll unattended grief took on Marisa in the wake of her mother’s death
How the emotional vulnerability required to fully grieve is a privilege not everyone has
Why it’s imperative for leaders to normalize grief and offer tangible support to those experiencing it

Learn more about Marisa Renee Lee:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 53: Leading a Sustainable Business & Life Without Burning Out with Racheal Cook

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 20 May 2022 03:00:00 -0400

Our bodies are often the wisest parts of who we are, but we regularly over-ride the messages they send us when they tell us when we’re at capacity.

We push through, over-work, see physical and emotional pain as something to overcome instead of important data to take into account about our needs and how we are living.

And even if we do take in these messages clearly and see the need for needed shifts and care, it feels like change is not an option or acceptable.

So we push ourselves until we crash. And this is often normalized - sometimes even celebrated - as a part of how we do work and life.

And when the body dials up the pain or the anxiety to finally get our attention, the default for many is to become at war with the messenger - seeing our bodies as the enemy instead of the culture of work and health care as the culprit.

This is only reinforced by the expectations from work and how everyone else “seems to being doing it all with ease.”

My guest today shares her story of working through healing from an unsustainable work schedule where burnout showed up, took her out, and changed her career trajectory.

Racheal Cook is an award-winning business strategist who believes entrepreneurship doesn't have to be so complicated. Through her business, The CEO Collective, she helps women entrepreneurs to scale sustainable businesses without the hustle or burnout. When she's not working with women entrepreneurs, you'll find her playing board games with her 3 kids and husband in Richmond VA.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The formative experiences from Racheal’s childhood that inform how she runs her business today
How Racheal carves out time and capacity to cultivate strong relationships
The support systems and processes Racheal has in place so she can navigate caring for her aging parents and her family without burning out
How acknowledging and honoring the constraints on her time and her capacity helped Racheal build a sustainable business

Learn more about Racheal Cook:

The CEO Collective
Instagram: @racheal.cook

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 52: Charlie Gilkey: Leading With What Matters Most

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 06 May 2022 03:00:00 -0400

When you are not clear on what truly matters most to you, how you decide to use your precious time can leave you feeling overwhelmed and lost.

And even your sense of time and what you can get done gets skewed by the tyranny of the urgent. Or comparison to how others are doing life and work.

Striving and grinding is still the norm in so many spaces. The message is still suck it up, chin up, get it done. And falling or failing is on you and you alone.

This mindset is deeply problematic as many are pushing back on these approaches to how we use our time and the expectations around how we do work recognizing how culture and many of the systems we work in contribute to burdening our sense of time.

Boundaries around your time mean disappointing people. So if you are focused on over-delivering and making everyone happy, things can get messy, fast.

If what matters most means meeting metrics that are set by others, burnout and disillusionment are inevitable.

These dangerous messages have us chasing something we think will give us relief when in fact, we only feel worse when we put this kind of pressure on ourselves

My guest today has an approach and a philosophy to time and getting things done that has transformed my relationship with work, time, and my calendar.

Charlie Gilkey helps people start finishing the stuff that matters. He's the founder of Productive Flourishing, author of the book Start Finishing (2019) and The Small Business Lifecycle (2012), and host of the Productive Flourishing podcast. Before starting Productive Flourishing, Charlie worked as a Joint Force Military Logistics Coordinator while simultaneously pursuing a PhD in Philosophy. He lives with his wife, Angela, in Portland, Oregon.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why our problems are with expectations, not time management
How we need to shift our relationship to productivity to prioritize values, self-awareness, and compassion
How we end up with so much of what Charlie calls project debt, and how to dig ourselves out of it
Why we need to stop reinforcing the narrative of the busy party
Why leaders need to stop playing the hero or the martyr to their teams

Learn more about Charlie Gilkey:

Productive Flourishing
Twitter: @CharlieGilkey
Instagram: @productiveflourishing
Facebook: @ProductiveFlourishing
Connect with Charlie on LinkedIn
Start Finishing: How to Go from Idea to Done
The Small Business Life Cycle

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 51: Leading Transformational Communities with Shannon Siriano Greenwood

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 03:00:00 -0400

The desire to be seen, loved, and belong drives so many of our decisions.

Especially when it comes to connecting in community.

Community plays a powerful role in our wellbeing and culture.

But what happens when the communities we are in make us sicker?

Part of the antidote to toxic communities is finding spaces that support bumping up against our fear of being misunderstood, our fear of not being able to handle a difference of opinion, our fear of rejection. But this is a messy process and many spaces struggle with creating this kind of culture.

And when our places of work and learning and worship struggle with messy realities, community feels less like community and more like a place for us to perform and check boxes.

Our connections and relationships become transactional instead of a place where we grow and strengthen. And when we are in transactional spaces, we are not truly seen, and the deep change we desire doesn't happen.

But Community can serve as a catalyst and container for healing and growth.

My guest today is cultivating spaces that are much needed medicine to us individually and collectively.

Founder, leader, and community builder, Shannon Siriano Greenwood knows the benefits of building her network with meaningful relationships over bountiful connections. Her work supports women professionals in creating meaningful connections that will support them both professionally and personally.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What Shannon’s first event taught her about burnout, work-life balance, and how we measure success
How growing up striving for external validation translated into perfectionism and burnout in Shannon’s life as an adult
How her background in the competitive world of ballet has shaped her adult relationships with women and the community she’s built with Rebelle
Why Shannon and her team are committed to creating safe spaces for their community to explore and challenge their internalized biases
How to bring curiosity and gratitude to building your network

Learn more about Shannon Siriano Greenwood:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Ep 50: Embracing the Hot Mess: A Special Anniversary Episode with Alison Cook, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 03:00:00 -0400

You carry life's burdens with you every day. Some days, they might feel heavy enough to break you.

But they also have the power to inspire you.

Your burdens are those difficult life experiences you’ve had. Our past pains can be the source of many of our recurring struggles. And they can also motivate us to do good in the world.

Coming to terms with our burdens–how they inspire us and how they continue to cause us pain–is a key step for allowing ourselves to be known and loved as we are.

Without recognizing our burdens, we can’t make ourselves open to intimate connections.

This is the work of a lifetime.

Self-discovery takes time, and it doesn’t necessarily get any easier with age. But one way we can enhance the process is to listen to others tell their stories and share their burdens.

And that’s been the goal of this podcast from Day 1. Today, I’m proud to be sharing our 50th episode with you.

My guest, Alison Cook, is a longterm friend and colleague and she’s interviewing me about the origin story of this podcast along with connecting the dots of my story that informs my work today.

Alison Cook, PhD is a counselor, speaker, and the author of two books, including her new book, The Best of You (coming September 2022) and Boundaries for Your Soul. For 20 years, Alison has helped women, ministry leaders, couples, and families learn how to heal painful emotions, develop confidence from the inside out, forge healthy relationships, and fully live out their God-given potential.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why starting a podcast felt like breaking the rules personally and professionally
How The Unburdened Leader is informed by IFS principles as well as a lifelong interest in the influence of people’s pain in their life’s work
How ambition got tangled with power and a need for control while working on the Hill
Why parenting led to a process of self-healing and a shifting definition of success

Learn more about Alison Cook, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 49: Standing In Your Power: A Leadership Roundtable with Joon Park + Cha Barefield

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 25 Mar 2022 03:00:00 -0400

We can get so caught up in how we are seen that we miss opportunities to course correct and expand our views on the world around us.

And admitting you made a mistake or that you changed your mind can feel like jumping into shark infested waters.

The process of expanding our views and self-correction involves connecting meaningfully with other’s experiences and needs so we can see the world outside of our own experience.

Sometimes we take in important new data that activates protective behaviors like defensiveness and control while navigating feeling disoriented and uncertain.

How we move through these moments rarely looks or feels graceful. Especially because parts of us still resist the discomfort that leaves us feeling out of sorts.

But when you commit to growing as a leader and as a human your work is more than an intellectual and tidy process.

And it requires deepening relationships with others so you can truly understand from your heart the needs and perspectives of others.

Today’s guests were willing to share hard and vulnerable stories from their lives and perspectives and what started as a conversation in DMs expanded into this roundtable discussion.

Cha Barefield is a powerful speaker, and the host and creator of "The Cha Show". Cha sees the extraordinary in the ordinary and causes us to see the same. She believes that when you speak about things that matter to you, you will invariably speak about things that matter to everyone. The world needs what Cha seeks to amplify, now more than ever.

Joon Park shares his incredible typewriter skills and inspiring ‘Typewriter Therapy’ on Instagram and he is also a Hospital Chaplain, Chaplain for the Homeless, 6th degree black belt, ex-atheist, skeptic, son to immigrants, and Korean-American who loves Jesus. He is also the author of The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the narrative of “reluctant leadership” has been tied to race and gender for both Cha and Joon
Why we need to broaden our narratives, whose stories we value, and whose stories we center
The difficult and exhausting trade-offs of navigating visible leadership as people of color
How expanding the narrative and acknowledging their history helps Joon and Cha stand in their power
The fundamental difference between comfort and safety

Learn more about Cha Barefield:

The Cha Show
Instagram: @ChaBare

Learn more about Joon Park:

Instagram: @JSPark3000
Twitter: @JSParkBlog
The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 48: Showing Up & Speaking Up in the Face of Racial Injustice with Y-Vonne Hutchinson, JD, CEO + Founder of Ready Set

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 11 Mar 2022 03:00:00 -0500

When you choose to step into conversations about racism you risk giving up your comfort and the illusion of control on how you are seen.

In essence, when you choose to speak up against injustice you are inviting discomfort.

And inviting discomfort is an affront to all the ways you protect yourself from harm.

Yet when you befriend your discomfort instead of letting it shut you down, you can navigate the vulnerability of potentially being misunderstood.

The polarities that come up around wanting to say the right thing, but not be performative or not wanting to center yourself, but be authentic and true are real and can also shut you down.

Sometimes it seems best to just stay quiet.

Taking the time to pause and not just react is important, especially in our hyper-responsive world. But indefinite silence is never ok when harm is being done.

Self-leadership helps you lead yourself with more confidence and clarity through the vulnerable and awkward moments. And collective efforts are always better than individual ones. You can best advocate when you have community, clarity, and a plan.

Today’s guest literally wrote a book on how to talk about race to your boss at work that is practical, actionable, and really, really helpful.

Y-Vonne Hutchinson is the author of How to Talk to Your Boss About Race and CEO of ReadySet, a diversity and inclusion training firm that helps tech giants, political leaders, media outlets, and Fortune 500 companies speak more productively about racism and turn talk into action.To date, ReadySet has worked with hundreds of companies around the world to build, manage, and grow diverse teams. In a former life, prior to founding ReadySet, she worked as an international labor and human rights lawyer for nearly a decade.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The impact of performance attribution bias on people of color in the workforce
Why Y-Vonne says work, identity, and race are so intertwined in our culture
Why emphasizing unconscious bias and individual actions alone can’t create sustainable systemic change
How movement language gets co-opted and why leaders need to prepare for backlash
How identity, social location and position can impact your strategy for speaking up at work

Learn more about Y-Vonne Hutchinson:

ReadySet
How to Talk to Your Boss About Race: Speaking Up Without Getting Shut Down
Twitter: @ReadySetInc
Connect with Y-Vonne and ReadySet on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 47: Leading Through Embracing Your Multiplicities with Rev. Sarah Heath, Podcaster, Designer, Coach

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 25 Feb 2022 03:00:00 -0500

If you do not know who you are, the world will tell you who you are.

And If you lead from a place of who you think you should be instead of who you truly are, it will take a toll on you and those around you.

There is immense effort put into editing instead of owning your multiplicities, leaving you exhausted and confused.

You also give up your power and give up what is most sacred in you when you do not make room for embracing the beautiful multiplicities in you and in all of us when you filter yourself.

But when you begin to unpack the burdens you carry that impact how you show up in the world, you can embrace all of your multiplicities instead of trying to fit into a mold of what you think the world wants you to be.

It can take a lot of effort sorting through the noise and the baggage you carry to figure out who you are and to embrace all of your identities.

My guest today hit a wall in her own life and found the power of embracing all of her multiplicities instead of trying to fit into a mold that never really fit her.

Reverend Sarah Heath is an ordained United Methodist clergywoman. Originally from Canada, Sarah attended Duke Divinity School where she earned her Master of Divinity degree in 2005.Sarah currently serves as church consultant and one on one life coach helping people through transitions in faith and in life.

She is the host and creator of the podcasts Making Spaces and Sonderlust, and co-host of Your Favorite Aunts and REVcovery She is also the author of two books What's Your Story? Seeing your Life Through God's Eyes and The Authenticity Challenge.

Sarah’s work challenges people to tell their story, invite everyone to the table, find restoration instead of demolition, and connect the spiritual within the ordinary.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The red flags that Sarah overlooked that spinned eventually into total burnout
How Sarah reevaluated her relationship to embracing and nurturing her own desires and needs
Why the experience of being lead pastor left Sarah feeling othered and how she is building community now
How Sarah is redefining what it means for her to be a pastor while owning her multiplicity

Learn more about Rev. Sarah Heath:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 46: Leading from Enoughness with Martinus Evans

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 11 Feb 2022 03:00:00 -0500

We all carry the burden of feeling not enough.

All of us.

Once we lose connection to our worthiness and sense of enough, the striving for approval and belonging kicks in, and we long to find the reassurance that we are enough as we are, often in all the wrong places.

The experience of feeling different or othered is seared in our memories and held in our bodies and a protective cluster of beliefs and behaviors take root to protect us from experiencing this pain again.

But often the result of these inner protectors–like the inner critic or the imposter–leaves us feeling worse and further entrenched in feeling not enough.

And our bodies are often the default of where this shame is directed.

So often, conversations with others focusing on body critique, the food you eat or comparing to others become the norm, only perpetuating feelings of not enough in a vicious cycle.

While the burdens of shame and feeling not enough are universal, the way it reaches and can impact people is not. And my guest today brings in his experience of being a Black man in a larger body.

Martinus Evans is a proud fat marathon runner, author, certified running coach, and award-winning speaker who helps plus-sized people get active without the pressure of weight loss.

A native of Detroit MI, he’s the host of The 300 Pounds and Running Podcast, co-host of The Long Run with Martinus and Latoya Podcast, and founder of the Slow AF Run Club, an online community connecting slow runners around the globe. Slow AF was built to inspire, motivate, and educate. It celebrates the grit and grind of runners at “the back of the pack.”

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How weight stigma impacts life from healthcare to the clothes you wear
How a humiliating experience with a doctor became the origin story of 300 Pounds and Running
How Martinus uses anger as a catalyst for action, and how he lets go of it once he’s used it
Why vulnerability and transparency have been key to growing and maintaining the community at the Slow AF Run Club
How Martinus is reframing what success means to him so that his drive serves the life he wants to live

Learn more about Martinus:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 45: The Intersection of Evangelicalism, Business, and Consumerism with Tim Gloege, Ph.D

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 28 Jan 2022 03:00:00 -0500

Right now, so many of us are connected through the shared emotional reactions to tragic events we have witnessed and continue to experience.

Like all traumas, vicarious and collective trauma cause a breach in connection or a betrayal of trust in Self and/or others.

And with disconnection comes the risk of a break in a healthy community.

We continue to witness fanatical devotion to a product, a person, or a place that is often fueled by charismatic leaders selling healing and community through absolution by association or by purchasing a product.

Charismatic leaders get the best of us. They speak to our hearts. Our pain. And inspire hope.

We feel lifted up while getting a break from the weight of the burdens we are carrying.

Unchecked, this type of leadership cares more about a self-serving agenda that is not interested in collaboration and shared power.

This is where consumption of products is sold as a form of connection, versus the nuanced and challenging work of being in community with diverse people.

Leading well is not just about results or metrics but heart and values. And checks and balances with accountability. It is about doing the work that creates trust and connection, versus creating division and distrust.

Today’s guest is a historian whose body of work focuses on the intersection of modern evangelicalism, consumerism, and capitalism - all systems that I have been curious about as we navigate polarities in community, collective traumas, and healing.

Dr. Tim Gloege, Ph.D is a Historian and author of Guaranteed Pure: the Moody Bible Institute, Business, and the Making of Modern Evangelicalism and Librarian at the Grand Rapids Public Library. After he earned his Ph.D. in US History at the University of Notre Dame, his family moved to Grand Rapids where Tim spent a decade writing and serving as lead parent for our two amazing kids. Most recently Tim moved to the very different world of public libraries and currently works as a librarian at the Grand Rapids Public Library while continuing to write.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why purity, certainty, and control are three key pillars of modern evangelicalism
The shared mindset and tactics behind consumer corporations and corporate evangelicals in post-Civil War America
How notions of consumer choice have been embedded into evangelicalism
How consumerism shows up in the modern prosperity gospel and ideas around manifesting
How celebrity faith leaders shape shallowly-connected communities

Learn more about Tim:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 44: Collective Trauma: Remembering The January 6th Insurrection with Julie Tagen - Chief of Staff to Rep. Jamie Raskin

Rebecca Ching — Thu, 06 Jan 2022 03:00:00 -0500

Collective traumas and the weight of collective grief is real and rampant.

There have been so many moments in just the last two years that we have all watched together that activate vicarious trauma and collective grief.

The horrific milestones of COVID and COVID-related deaths, hate speech, successful attacks on our democracy, relationship ending debates about masks and vaccines, attacks on protestors, and waking up to being complacent and complicit to systemic racism.

And in January, the world watched an armed insurrection in Washington DC and the relentless gaslighting and attempts to retell that day in ways the deflect accountability and culpability followed.

It’s no wonder many of us began to feel helpless.

But unaddressed, helplessness can quickly lead to hopelessness.

Grief comes with working through vicarious and collective traumas. And grief begs to be witnessed or it turns malignant.

And it is important to not rush through what we have experienced in our own lives and collectively as a culture.

There is no timeline with this work but make sure you are taking the time to notice how unaddressed vicarious trauma and grief may be showing up in your life, so it doesn’t drain your courage, confidence and calm.

My guest on today’s show is an incredible example of long-game resilience while riding the ups and downs of staying engaged in the political process while taking care of her well-being.

Julie Tagen is the Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, (MD-08). She is a veteran leader in DC politics and campaigns, committed to leaving a legacy to the next generation of leaders who will continue the work she has cared so much about for over two decades.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Julie’s first-hand account of what she experienced on January 6 and what she learned about herself that day and in the aftermath
How Julie has kept cynicism at bay and how she defines success after 25+ years in politics
Why Julie believes it is critical for politicians to address the cultural issues in their communities to win voters
How Julie’s experience as a gay, Jewish woman in politics have evolved since her first job and coming out in the 90s
Why we should be paying closer attention the Congressional investigation into the events of January 6

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Vicarious Traumatization: An Empirical Study of the Effects of Trauma Work on Trauma Therapists, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian
Transforming the Pain, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Karen W Saakvitne
Four Hours At The Capitol, HBO Original Documentary

EP 43: 2021 Review and Reflections

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 31 Dec 2021 03:00:00 -0500

Rushing into the future can mean missing important data.

Data, in this case, doesn’t mean points on a graph but really looking in the face of your experiences of the year. The good, the bad, the really hard, and the really exciting ones.

This process helps us see patterns over the course of the year so we can see our growth and evaluate what we want to leave behind and what we want to bring with us into the new year.

Rushing through the end of the year, avoiding reflection at all costs, making big promises to yourself and others to rush by the hurts and frustrations of the past year, robs us of the chance to find the best next steps for ourselves, our families, and our work.

Taking the time to truly reflect on the past year is an act of Self-leadership that can support much-needed unburdening.

This liminal space in the in-between of the years can be overrun with expectations and comparisons and feeling inundated with promises of what we need to do or buy that will make this year, the ‘best year ever!’.

But there is power in protecting this time, in protecting your brain and your heart, so you can honor your dreams and desires for the upcoming year.

Be gentle and tender with yourself, but take this time to prepare a path that is intentional and Self-led instead of reactionary.

Take the time to collect the data that will help you translate what is in your head and your heart into experiences that will help you in the next year.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Structuring your reflection for your wins, your challenges, and all the things you’re grateful for, from good TV to loved ones

Learn more about Rebecca:

Rebecca’s 2021 Favorites:

Resources:

Feeling Blah During the Pandemic? It's Called Languishing - The New York Times
The Unburdened Leader Ep 22: Clear and Decisive Leadership with Founder of Frank and Eileen, Audrey McLoghlin
The Unburdened Leader Ep 39: Leading with Generosity and Love with Terces Engelhart
The Unburdened Leader Ep 41: Leading Yourself First with Moorea Seal
*Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone*, Brené Brown
The Unburdened Leader Ep 36: Leading with Dignity: Hard on Ideas, Easy on People with Rosalind Wiseman
The Unburdened Leader Ep 40: Leading Authentically After Hard Falls with Dr. Ref Rodriguez
The Unburdened Leader Ep 31: Building Resiliency and a Culture of Togetherness with Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza
The Unburdened Leader Ep 28: Leading By Speaking Up When the Stakes Are High with Author Tiffany Bluhm

EP 42: Leading By Owning Your Activism with Karen Walrond

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 17 Dec 2021 03:00:00 -0500

If you are a leader who embodies activism, you are moved by personal convictions that see beyond yourself and the bottom line. You boldly desire to make intentional change that will impact another person, your family, where you work, our planet.

When activism is seen as a negative word, it supports the status quo. Making activism negative plays upon your fears being misunderstood or being seen as too much, too disruptive.

And it is easy to respond to these fears by quickly defaulting into silence or complacency.

But there is something immensely freeing by owning our values and desires for the world we want. Sure, it can feel a little scary and most definitely vulnerable.

When we do the work to not be weighed down by our burdens, we can move through the fears and increase our capacity for vulnerability so we can own our activism not as something to be ashamed of but as a beacon for our meaningful work and life.

My guest today wrote a whole book reframing activism with a more holistic lens that is inclusive and inspiring. She has given us a road map on redefining and reclaiming activism in an aligned and meaningful way.

Karen Walrond is a lawyer, leadership coach, and activist. Karen's work has helped thousands of people around the world find purpose and meaning in their work. As a photographer, Karen traveled throughout Africa with the ONE Campaign, an advocacy organization committed to the prevention of extreme poverty and preventable disease. Karen currently serves on the board of directors for the Houston Coalition Against Hate.

She is the author of The Lightmaker's Manifesto and The Beauty of Different, and a contributor to Disquiet Time and Expressive Photography. Karen, her husband, and their daughter live in Houston, Texas.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What losing her house in Hurricane Harvey taught Karen about receiving and asking for help
How she learned to be a confident misfit
Karen’s definition of an activist and two key factors for building the endurance to stay the course
The benefits of letting yourself get angry, and how to use it as a tool

Learn more about Karen:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 41: Leading Yourself First with Moorea Seal

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 03:00:00 -0500

What motivates your dreams is just as important as the dream itself.

Maybe even more important.

These dreams for your future inform your daily decisions and where you focus your time, energy, and resources, and they impact how you lead yourself and others.

They fuel the drive that motivates you to get up each day as you do the important–and sometimes tedious–practices that build the future you want for yourself and the world.

They support moving from a vision or idea to action, creating the reality you have always longed for.

The tricky thing about your desires for the future is they require understanding your past and any pain it holds.

No matter how smart the parts of you are that strategize and plan - if you are not clear on the echoes of your pains, losses, and unmet needs then they can become interwoven with your vision for your future.

And if you are not aware of these influences, they can drive you in ways you may not be aware of, setting you up for burnout and dissatisfaction when your dreams are actually achieved.

My guest today realized she achieved the dreams she had been striving for and did not feel how she had hoped. This led her on a powerful journey of self-discovery and deconstruction on how she viewed herself, her work, and her relationships.

Moorea Seal is a Seattle-based author, speaker and multidisciplinary artist, as well as an avid list maker with over one million books, journals and stationery products in print. Her passion lies in helping people of all ages to list out their needs, desires, dreams and goals and rewrite personal narratives while providing resources for happiness, resilience and self-expression. Her latest journal, "My 52 Lists Project," guided self-exploratory list-making for kids is in retailers worldwide now.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Moorea’s childhood lack of stability influenced what she thought of as success, and why achieving her dream didn’t feel successful or stable
Why the performative aspect of having a namesake store and brand-led to overcommitment and burnout
How big achievements brought home the difference between love and acceptance and being validated and valued for what she can do
Why Moorea chooses to speak openly about mental health challenges, and why she says it’s vital to offer a resolution and resources when telling your story
How getting a formal autism diagnosis has impacted Moorea’s relationship to being an “accidental” influencer and what she recognizes as her superpowers

Learn more about Moorea:

MooreaSeal.com
Instagram: @MooreaSeal
Pinterest: @MooreaSeal

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 40: Leading Authentically After Hard Falls with Ref Rodriguez, EdD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 19 Nov 2021 03:00:00 -0500

What drives you can make you or break you.

We often look to our values, commitments, and operations as a map to how we do life and work.

But there are things that get in the way of honoring our commitments to ourselves and those we serve - no matter what we have professed as our values and mission.

The messages that tell us we are not enough. We have to do more or get more. We have to over-deliver and never disappoint.

These shame-based messages get in the way of our ability to make our aspired values consistently lived in action.

Shame is insidious, sneaky and can become a powerful driving force in our lives if we do not get clear on what is driving us and why we are making the choices we do day in and day out.

Until you look at your own unique experience of shame and what drives it, shame will continue to chip away at your capacity for courage and convince you to compromise your integrity.

Getting granular about what drives you - and why - can reveal some hard truths and important data that can help you lead yourself and others without dodging the messages of shame.

And that is exactly what my guest today chose to do. After a very public fall - he was forced to look at how he ended up where he did and what needed tending.

Ref Rodriguez, EdD is a social entrepreneur who has spent his career starting organizations and programs whose mission is to change the life trajectories of those most affected by educational, economic, and social injustice.

He has served as a classroom teacher, school principal, administrator, university professor, and elected school board member. At 27 he founded a charter middle school in his home community of northeast Los Angeles. He went on to co-found a network of high-performing charter schools serving low-income first-generation college-going students in Los Angeles. He is currently working on a program to significantly improve the educational and life outcomes of Black and Latino males attending California’s community colleges.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How running for office brought up Ref’s long-held feelings of loneliness, shame, and of not being enough
How self-doubt and shame led Ref back to old patterns of guarding his authentic self and the impacts that had on his physical and mental health
Why a major victory created conflicting feelings of joy and self-doubt
How a mistake influenced by feelings of not being enough turned into a very public and agonizing fall, and the healing that has come after it

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 39: Leading with Generosity and Love with Terces Engelhart

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 05 Nov 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Leading with questions instead of leading with answers is a powerful practice.

Sure, in times of crisis, steady, knowing leadership is calming and often necessary.

But the pressure to have all the answers all the time limits creativity and possibility.

Having the capacity to ask questions instead of offering all the answers is what brings out the best in you and those around you.

When you move from a position of knowing to one of curiosity you build trust, both within yourself and in those around you.

Not knowing all the answers has the ability to deepen team cohesion and cultivate creativity and innovation that would never have come from you trying to figure it all out on your own.

Yet so many leaders feel a responsibility to have everything figured out and they push themselves to exhaustion for fear of anyone finding out that they don’t have all the answers.

But courage reminds us that there is a different way to lead and it supports our ability to be vulnerable and say, “I don’t know.”

Today’s guest spent a year doing just that as a way to deepen her recovery and capacity to lead herself and others well.

Terces Engelhart is the founder of Cafe Gratitude and Gracias Madre plant-based restaurants. Her heart is in serving others and her life’s lessons are the springboard of the stories she shares where her challenges have become opportunities. In 2014 she participated in TEDx at Occidental College. She recently launched her podcast called Unreasonably Grateful. Her calling is to help people trust their inner guidance. She is an author, speaker, wife, mother and grandmother of thirteen. She lives and works on their organic farm, Be Love Farm, with her husband, Matthew, in Vacaville, Ca.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Terces processed a betrayal in her team by committing to let go, but keep caring
Four directives that have guided her recovery and the way she lives today
How her love of learning helps Terces keep going, and start over when she fails
How answering questions with “I don’t know” helped her heal a need for control
Why Terces sees generosity and gratitude as states of flow

Content note: This episode discusses eating disorders, sexual abuse and addiction.

Learn more about Terces Engelhart:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Kiss the Ground

EP 38: The Unburdened Leader Roundtable Sessions: ADHD And Leadership with Tara Newman and Lindsay Padilla, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 22 Oct 2021 03:00:00 -0400

If you want to lead yourself well, you have to know yourself well.

The tricky thing is, it can be surprisingly hard to really know yourself.

We live in a world where we are told by others–on repeat–who we should be and who we are.

We have gotten so good at being who we think we are supposed to be that we end up believing there is something intrinsically wrong with who we uniquely are.

Especially when it comes to behaviors, personality traits and abilities associated with how your nervous

system operates.

We tag the word disorder onto neurological differences like autism and attention deficit and hyperactivity which pathologize aspects of being human.

This dangerously narrow view of health and functioning decreases everyone’s ability to better understand the incredible resources we have in ourselves and in those around us.

We all are trying to figure out what makes us tick and how we can improve our work and life.

And that is what today’s Unburdened Leader Roundtable guests did recently–and in the process, they were each formally diagnosed with ADHD–which helped them connect the dots on so many aspects of their life and start to lead themselves and their businesses with more confidence and clarity.

Lindsay Padilla, PhD is a former community college professor who accidentally started a business while on the tenure track. Hello Audio takes your course content and creates private audio feeds to make learning on the go much easier for your clients, blending her background in education and course creation.

Tara Newman supports service providers in creating premium offers and scalable sales systems so they can significantly increase their profitability through her podcast, The Bold Money Revolution as well as her program, The Bold Profit Academy.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The challenges of getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, from overlapping diagnoses to even finding a clinician who works with adults
Unpacking the stigma around taking medication for ADHD and how Tara and Lindsay have shifted their mindset around it
How their different experiences in school have impacted and inspired their work as adults
How getting a diagnosis has helped Tara and Lindsay shift from frustration to accepting and embracing the way their brains work at work and in their relationships
Why the personal development and course creation spaces need to get more inclusive and accessible

Learn more about Tara Newman:

Learn more about Lindsay Padilla, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 37: Leading a Life of Radical Honesty with Tara Newman

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 08 Oct 2021 03:00:00 -0400

When you are not honest with yourself, you end up living a disconnected life.

You may feel connected to your life when you get the dopamine hits of likes and follows or public affirmations from colleagues. Though, let’s be honest, these external validations are never satisfying for long.

If you live a life where your worthiness and safety are woven into the opinions of others, it makes sense why so many cling to a life that is unsustainable and out of alignment.

And it often takes a big crisis to push us out of the grind of the life we are living to reflect and re-evaluate.

Whatever the catalyst is, getting honest with yourself and your circumstances is the only way through figuring out what next steps to take.

In a world of highlight reels and social media filters, being honest can feel counter-cultural. And stepping into radical honesty can stir up a lot of emotion.

Choosing to be honest with yourself and others definitely has risks. But you will also experience the rewards of deeper connection and meaningful work.

Today’s guest rebuilt her life from the inside out after a painful bankruptcy. It was not until she got radically honest with herself that she regained her footing and did the work that has allowed her to build a business and a life that is aligned and healthy.

Through her podcast, The Bold Money Revolution as well as her program, The Bold Profit Academy, Tara Newman supports service providers in creating premium offers and scalable sales systems so they can significantly increase their profitability.

Tara teaches leaders to run businesses without sacrificing their health, relationships, or integrity by

establishing behaviors, habits, and rituals aligned with their vision of success.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The toll that keeping up appearances took on Tara and her family, and what happened when she started getting honest with the people in her life
How Tara’s experience with bankruptcy influences how she works with small business owners
The mental and physical journey she had to go on to leave the security of her corporate job to start her own business
How knowing her numbers helped Tara shift her mindset around money
What led Tara to seeking a formal ADHD diagnosis and why she says it feels liberating

Learn more about Tara Newman:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Hype: How Scammers, Grifters, and Con Artists Are Taking Over the Internet--And Why We're Following, Gabrielle Bluestone
Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, Amanda Montell
Profit First

EP 36: Leading with Dignity: Hard On Ideas, Easy On People with Rosalind Wiseman

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 24 Sep 2021 03:00:00 -0400

We are seeing conflict move so quickly to chaos these days.

Anger, entitlement and self-preservation can kick into overdrive when you feel devalued. We forget about relationships and fight to be right, no matter the cost.

Civility is pushed aside more and more as we navigate our differences.

The wounds of relational trauma, betrayal, neglect, poverty, racism are playing out in so many spaces of public gatherings and personal relationships.

But now is not the time to throw our hands up and walk away from this messy state of affairs.

Yes, there is a lot happening that takes us out of our space of leading from confidence, clarity and calm. It is inevitable that our emotions will overwhelm us at some point.

But it is essential that we cultivate spaces together that encourage conflict that moves us towards solutions, not sensational soundbites.

We have to look at how we communicate and the language we use. We have to intentionally set expectations and guidelines for what is okay and what is not okay.

We have to lead with dignity, which means doing the deep inner work so we can show up and lead by facing our biases and recognizing the inherent worth of every person.

Today’s guest fosters civil dialogue and inspires communities to build strength, courage and purpose.

Rosalind Wiseman is the founder of Cultures of Dignity; an organization that shifts the way communities think about our physical and emotional wellbeing by working in close partnership with the experts of those communities–young people, educators, policymakers, and business and political leaders.

She is also an internationally recognized author of multiple books, including Queen Bees and Wannabes, the

groundbreaking best-seller and basis for the movie Mean Girls and its subsequent Broadway adaptation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How to define and foster a culture of dignity through deep listening and engaging with ideas
The real value of debating in good faith and what our culture gets wrong about “winning”
How the dynamics of authority and expertise we enforce with kids can defeat our purposes, and ways to turn them around
How to use principles of a culture of dignity to set expectations and norms for handling conflict and dysregulation
Why young people need more than just to know their rights, they need skills to implement them and a responsibility to advocate for other

Learn more about Rosalind Wiseman:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Rosalind Wiseman on Art of Power Podcast

EP 35: Navigating Career Pivots and Identity Crisis with Lindsay Padilla, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 10 Sep 2021 03:00:00 -0400

We all grew up being told who was the creative one, who was the smart one, and who was the sporty one. There was no space for anyone to hold a multiplicity of skills and interests.

Of course, none of us hold just one identity, skill or interest.

So an identity crisis–or multiple identity crises–are inevitable.

But an identity crisis can be a powerful turning point in your life and work.

On one hand, you can keep doing what you’ve been doing—what you’re supposed to do. Or you can take a big risk and do something different.

We all have PhDs on what we are supposed to do. We have breathed in the messages on what it means to be a success and responsible. Staying on the current path is oddly comfortable—even when it sucks.

When you decide to honor the desire to grow and make a pivot with your work or take a risk with a significant relationship in your life, you are entering into a stage of growth that can be lonely and a bit disorienting.

But leaders like us know there’s more to life than the status quo.

My guest went through her own shifts in her career and identity and is growing a business and a life that looks very different from her original life plan.

Lindsay Padilla, PhD is an ex-community college professor who accidentally started a business while on the tenure track. Now, as the CEO and co-founder of Hello Audio, Lindsay challenges online industry norms of unfinished courses and unconsumed content with her product.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The surprising side hustle that sparked Lindsay’s move out of academia
The role networking played in her developing a business that capitalizes on her teaching knowledge and experience
How shifting careers changed not only her work identity, but Lindsay’s identity within her marriage
Why identity shifts can be a source of grief, even when the shift is good or necessary
Why your metrics of success may have to change with your identity
How a series of major personal and professional losses made Lindsay recommit to her taking care of her body and to keeping her values at the forefront of her business

Learn more about Lindsay Padilla, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 34: The Unburdened Leader Roundtable Sessions: Kim Paulus, LMFT and Natalie Gutierrez, LMFT

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 27 Aug 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Leadership and discomfort are inextricably connected.

So much personal and professional development teaches us to figure out the problem and quickly move on.

But true resilience and growth require more than just the decision to “let it go.”

Leading well requires tolerating the discomfort of being seen, not just at your filtered best, but really being seen in your strengths and also when you make a bad decision and navigate the fall-out, respond defensively to criticism, and struggle with your confidence.

Bypassing or shutting down discomfort leads to numbing and disconnecting instead of feeling through the hard things.

It is essential that we get to know the burdens we carry and learn how to heal them so we can lead ourselves and others with more presence and generosity.

On today’s show, it is an honor to give you a window into the friendship I have developed with two colleagues of mine, Natalie Gutierrez and Kim Paulus. These friendships have become so valuable to me because safe, trusted relationships that can hold up a mirror to my growth edges are so rich and valuable.

Natalie and Kim help me kick off a new series for the podcast: The Unburdened Leader Roundtable Discussions, where I have conversations with colleagues, friends, and other leaders on topics we care deeply about.

Natalie Gutierrez is Puerto-Rican LMFT whose work is dedicated to providing trauma-informed psychotherapy to Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color/Mixed race. She supports her clients in healing legacy burdens, ancestral trauma and the impact of colonial trauma.

Kim Paulus is a biracial, queer psychotherapist and IFS clinical consultant in private practice in Oakland, California. With a background in social justice activism, she serves primarily the LGBTQIIA+ and BIPOC communities, including multiracial people and adult children of immigrant parents.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How our legacy burdens impact our ability to make friends, especially later in life
Why a mindset of scarcity makes deep connection difficult in our relationships and in our movements
How burdens of fear, self-doubt and mistrust keep us from being seen and what makes us feel safe to let our guards down
Why decoupling the cultural legacy burdens of power, privilege and historical trauma from shame and blame can help us take responsibility for doing the work to release them
How moving with urgency can bypass the slower work of making foundational changes

Learn more about Kim Paulus, LMFT:

Kim Paulus MFT
Instagram: @kimpauluslmft

Learn more about Natalie Gutierrez, LMFT:

Mindful Journeys MFT
Instagram: @nataliegutierrezlmft

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Note for Clarity:

A brief explanation of some language and acronyms you will be hearing from Kim, Natalie, and myself in this segment of our roundtable conversation. At the time of this recording, the three of us are in a couple of Internal Family Systems trainings, which we often refer to as IFS. One of these IFS trainings we refer to a lot is a pilot IFS Advanced Training Program (ATP) where we were invited to participate in a year-long training program to become Assistant Trainers (ATs). The three of us are also serving on a leadership team in an IFS Level One training.

EP 33: Befriending Your Anger with Graphic Artist Sacha Mardou

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Everyone gets angry.

And most people have learned to hide their anger–often at great costs.

There is a LOT of baggage we carry around the emotion of anger.

These burdens come from our faith traditions, culture, family of origin, work, school and inform your relationship with anger today.

We are constantly navigating the many rules of what is ok and what is not ok when it comes to expressing, let alone feeling, anger.

In the process, anger can slowly start to consume us. Anger overwhelms and it feels like it owns us—even as we’re doing our best not to show it.

But contrary to what many of us have been taught, anger is an important and valuable emotion.

You can own your anger instead of your anger owning you.

To own your anger, you’ve got to trust yourself. You’ve got to be able to hang out with the anger you feel so you can identify where it’s coming from and what it’s trying to tell you.

My guest today is no stranger to rumbling with her anger and leaning on IFS to help her better lead her emotions and her responses to them. Sacha Mardou is a cartoonist, author of the graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, and many webcomics about therapy.

Bringing readers with her on her therapy journey has changed everything for both Sacha and those of us who get to experience the profound impact of her work–making the world feel a little less lonely as we navigate the vulnerability of being human.

Content Alert: There is mention in this conversation of sexual assault. We do not go into detail but it is mentioned in reference to a family member of Sacha’s around the 27 minute mark. Take care and don’t push through if it is too much.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How sharing her personal comics and sketches has helped Sacha feel less alone and process her own experiences as readers have shared their lives with her
How Sacha has built in space and boundaries around sharing her comics and processing the feelings and events she depicts
The process of noticing and working through anger and frustration with herself and her mother
How allowing herself to feel anger was key to working through a familial legacy burden and how sharing those experiences reduces shame and helps put an end to intergenerational traumas

Learn more about Sacha Mardou:

Therapy Comics
Instagram: @mardou_draws
Facebook: @sachamardou
Sky in Stereo Vol. 1, Sky in Stereo Vol. 2

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 32: Committing to Sustainable Change and Giving a Sh*t About the Planet with Ashlee Piper

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 30 Jul 2021 03:00:00 -0400

We love to be right. So much so, that we often trade being right for being in relationship.

Without relationships, we cannot experience meaningful change because the change we desire is rooted in relationships, not the certainty of being right.

But dang, the expediency and certainty of being right sure are seductive.

Pursuing being right cultivates the tunnel vision of perfectionism which runs rampant over our curiosity and creativity–the very ingredients needed for us to have a sustained impact.

When we focus more on creating change instead of criticizing ourselves or others, we are freed up to get creative about our sustainability practices and modeling this for others too.

But too often, perfectionism has a party. We want to get it right from the start and fear making mistakes.

Or we worry about sustaining the work we are already doing, so we don't bother starting, counting ourselves out, believing our small actions do not make a difference.

But they do.

Climate solutions require collective action.

Most solutions that are sustainable require collective action and leaders focused on being right end up cultivating conflict and criticism instead.

Leaders who are committed to relationships end up cultivating creativity, community and the collective action we need to create sustainable solutions. We can all start or continue our sustainability journey with this in mind.

My guest today leads many on the imperfect journey of sustainability.

Ashlee Piper is a political strategist turned vegan and eco-lifestyle expert and author of the bestselling–and very funny–book, Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet. Her work has been featured in/on Washington Post, Real Simple, BuzzFeed, GLAMOUR, NBC, CBS, and ABC, to name a few.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ashlee remains committed to her values while evolving her approach past rigidity and toward connection
Why we need openness, curiosity and tolerance along with accountability in our movements
How her background in politics and policy work informs Ashlee’s approach to sustainability
How Ashlee moved through a major setback to accepting the failure, revising her approach and trying again
How perfectionism creates inaction and why it’s okay to embrace imperfection, flexibility, and accessibility in our sustainability strategies

Learn more about Ashlee Piper:

AshleePiper.com
Instagram: @AshleePiper
Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Lauren Singer’s Trash Jar

EP 31: Building Resiliency and a Culture of Togetherness with Rev. Roberto Che Espinoza, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 16 Jul 2021 03:00:00 -0400

How you lead yourself impacts how you lead others.

And how you lead yourself and others has a ripple effect in all the spaces you live and work.

It really is that simple. And that important.

Unaddressed pain from difficult life experiences and traumas rob us of our capacity for connection.

Unaddressed burdens of trauma impact how you make decisions on everything from parenting to public policy.

Both individual and collective traumas perpetuate disconnection in all the spaces we live and work in.

The ripple effect of disconnection takes us out of our innate ability to genuinely care about the well being of others. We become hyper focused on our own safety - sometimes at extreme costs to others.

When we make decisions based on fear and self-protection, we end up generating more fear and dehumanize the people we lead.

This is weighing us down individually and collectively. Our unaddressed trauma generates very real consequences in our communities.

As my guest today wisely states, we have forgotten how to be human with each other. But when we do remember how to be human with each other, we can create more peaceful, more equitable, and more just communities.

Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza is a Transqueer Activist, Latinx Scholar, and a Public Theologian. They are the Founder of Activist Theology Project, and the author of Activist Theology & their forthcoming book Body Becoming.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How supremacy culture goes beyond whiteness and why it is essential to understand its far-reaching impacts on how we lead and connect
Why you need to develop an ethics of engagement that prioritizes relationships
Why table fellowship is an important practice for creating conditions for togetherness and breaking the patterns of dissociative patterns and insecure attachments of supremacy culture
How an Activist Theology mindset helps move past inaction and fear to actions aligned with your values and capabilities
Why cancel and call-out culture fail to create sustainable change and how to build the transparency, honesty and vulnerability required for true accountability

Learn more about Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 30: Committing to Being an Engaged Leader and Engaged Citizen with Iowa State Rep. Jennifer Konfrst

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 02 Jul 2021 03:00:00 -0400

The commitment to being an engaged citizen is a commitment to being an engaged leader.

When you make the choice to invest your energy into staying informed about social and political issues, you are investing in your leadership.

I’m hearing more and more from leaders who are prioritizing leading with justice, equity, and community care in mind. So if the kind of leader you truly want to be means being an engaged citizen, one who is informed about the social and political issues facing the people they lead, you’re in good company.

But in today’s deeply polarized culture, that’s hard work.

It can feel like resting in the midst of that work is like tapping out of the biggest fight of your life.

But being an engaged citizen requires rest. Rest is not tapping out.

Without rest, you won’t have the energy to question the people & institutions in power. You won’t have the capacity to extend care to those who are often forgotten or underestimated.

Here is a hard truth - many are counting on your fatigue and disconnection. People are literally counting on you not caring.

So what can we do in our circles of influence to encourage others to join us in paying attention? How can we do our parts in leading an engaged citizenry?

Representative Jennifer Konfrst (HD 43) is starting her second term in the Iowa House of Representatives serving residents of Windsor Heights, Clive, and West Des Moines. She was selected by her caucus to serve as Democratic Whip. Rep. Konfrst is an associate professor in Drake University’s School of Journalism and Mass Communication, and has worked in media and communications roles throughout her career.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The mindset shifts Jennifer has navigated in becoming a candidate, and especially between her first and second races
Actions you can take to consume and share information wisely with context, sources, and by adding a pause before you share
Why Jennifer distinguishes between opponents and enemies, and why it matters
How using storytelling and connecting legislative policy to real life helps change minds and re-engage the disaffected

Learn more about Rep. Jennifer Konfrst:

JenniferKonfrst.com
Twitter: @JKonfrst, @konfrstforhouse

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources

Drake University

EP 29: Frank Anderson, MD - Challenging the Fear of Rejection and Leading with Vulnerability - Part 2

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Everybody’s carrying a burden that’s weighing them down.

If you dare to care, it is inevitable you will end up carrying the burdens from grief, betrayal, and rejection.

And these burdens are often unseen.

These invisible struggles fuel loneliness, shame, and despair. Eventually, the unaddressed burdens we carry start to impact our ability to live and lead in ways that are important to us. They take their toll on the quality of our work, our relationships, and our well-being.

Yet, instead of transforming the pains from abuse, betrayal, loss, shame, poverty, chronic health struggles and so on, we see them as a poor reflection on our ability to lead, succeed, and provide.

We have breathed in the clear and emphatic message: Hide your pain.

These toxic messages around struggle take a dangerous toll on how we care for ourselves and others.

To engage our teams, support wellbeing, and lead through change, we must model and explore real and honest emotions.

My guest today is dedicating his life’s work to change culture’s toxic messages around struggle and how we approach the burdens we carry.

I am so thrilled Dr. Frank Anderson came back for a continuation of our important conversation we started last month.

Dr. Frank Anderson is one of the nation's leading mental health professionals as a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Committed to promoting compassion, hope, healing, and non-violence in the world, Frank specializes in the treatment of trauma and dissociation and is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the Internal Family Systems model of therapy. He also travels around the world as a proponent and instructor of the IFS modality.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the physiology of hyper- and hypo-arousal in the face of injustice pulls us away from our values and toward burnout, and how leading with love and compassion builds sustainable learning and growth
Why ADHD and trauma are so frequently comorbid, and the neuroscience of how they continue to compound each other
Why simply shutting down your inner critic isn’t working, and a compassionate model of healing from IFS that relieves and heals their burdens
How trauma exists on a wide spectrum, and why acknowledging trauma needs to be seen as a strength

Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family Systems, Frank Anderson
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder, Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey
The Daring Way
Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD
Janina Fisher
Judith Herman
Chris Burras

EP 28: Leading by Speaking Up When the Stakes are High with Author Tiffany Bluhm

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 04 Jun 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Toxic cultures–at home, school, work, in faith communities–make it incredibly hard to do the right thing.

Choosing to risk your reputation or livelihood when you want to move from being a bystander to standing up for what is right is a bind too many face when they want to say ‘no more’ to abuses of power.

Yes, we need to move beyond being passive bystanders and be better allies. Yet I want to acknowledge that the stakes are high in moving from bystander into the spotlight.

It is challenging to speak up when the safety and livelihood of a bystander are pitted against standing up to abuses of power.

The fear of retaliation or becoming a target of abuse is real. So is lack of trust that speaking up will impact change.

Being a bystander and watching harm being done to someone takes its own toll on your health and your confidence when the culture you are in supports secrecy and silence.

My guest today is deeply committed to changing the impact of the bystander effect.

She is calling on leaders to shift organizational cultures of all kinds so bystanders feel empowered to speak up instead of staying silent and colluding with toxic work environments.

Tiffany Bluhm is the author of Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up. She is a sought after speaker, writer, and co-host of the popular podcast Why Tho, a show answering the existential and nonsensical questions we ask ourselves. As a minority, immigrant woman with a interracial family, she is passionate about women’s equality, justice and dignity.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Tiffany made the choice between her convictions and her loyalty in speaking up
Why race, class and culture impact who we believe when they report harm
How leaders create cultures of secrecy and silence, and what they can do to cultivate safety and accountability
The co-evolution of purity culture, rape culture and white supremacy
Steps we all can take to become better allies and dismantle cultures of silence and complicity

Content Warning: This episode includes discussion on the impact of sexual assault and rape culture.

Learn more about Tiffany Bluhm:

TiffanyBluhm.com
Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up
Instagram: @tiffanybluhm
Twitter: @tiffanybluhm
Why Tho Podcast

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 27: Frank Anderson, MD - Challenging the Fear of Rejection and Leading with Vulnerability - Part 1

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 21 May 2021 03:00:00 -0400

We watch leaders crash & burn all the time.

We watch with morbid fascination as leaders fall out of grace because their unaddressed pain led them on an unsustainable path of poor choices–even dangerous and deadly choices–to avoid feeling the vulnerability of rejection.

Those times when you experienced the pain of rejection leave their mark because rejection hurts. Like, physically hurts. Neuroscience teaches that this kind of emotional pain is processed similarly to physical pain.

The burdens of social rejection of any kind can become all-consuming in an effort to do whatever it takes to never go through that kind of pain again.

But stepping into leadership means stepping into rejection and being misunderstood. It is just a part of the physics of leading and putting yourself out there in any capacity.

If you are stepping into the title, the power, and the access of leadership as a way to bypass the pain of rejection, it will not go well.

My guest today is an expert–personally and professionally–on addressing the trauma wounds of rejection versus bypassing the pain of vulnerability.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Frank is committed to bridging the gap between survivor and expert, starting with himself
How leading from a wound leads to crash and burn, and why healing his trauma has led Frank to real, lasting happiness in his career
Our conversation around the meaning of power and power dynamics and its impacts on leadership
How becoming a parent led Frank to Internal Family Systems and doing his own deep healing work

Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family Systems, Frank Anderson
Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD
Dr. Dan Siegel
Amy Banks, MD
Judith Herman
Mona Barbera

EP 26: Leading an Integrated Life Over a Divided Life with Stasia Savusuk, Creator of The REVEL-YOU-TION

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 07 May 2021 03:00:00 -0400

It is time to stop living a divided life.

When your life is divided between home and work, personal and professional, you're vulnerable to all sorts of relationship troubles and everyday friction.

When you separate yourself from your values and see your business and life divided instead of integrated and unified by your purpose and values, you will break from the pressure of it all.

You feel out of alignment with what matters most–your health, your values, your most important relationships–and feel at the mercy of responding to every need like it is an emergency, further sacrificing your clarity and confidence.

My guest today has done the work to get clear on how she leads herself and others and not letting fear divide her from what she values and who she loves most.

Stasia Svasuk is an entrepreneur, mama, speaker, adventurer, thrifter, and science-of-style expert who thinks bodies are just about the coolest things on earth.

She is the founder and creator of THE REVEL-YOU-TION––an online community of crazy-brave women who are using their closets to heal their shame, flex their brave muscles, cultivate their creativity, and create some wildly fabulous outfits while they’re at it.

Stasia has inspired many thousands through her Tedx talk, her wildly popular (and now retired) Stasia’s Style School, her numerous podcast recordings and guest speaker gigs, and her ability to cultivate a community where collective braving and collective healing are the name of the game.

We cover some incredible territory in this episode around work, life, and family integration.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How our closets are a Trailhead for doing deep, meaningful work about how you feel in your body
How Stasia realized that teaching women to turn down the temperature on their body shame wasn’t enough and how she’s changing her business to do it
How she’s learning to feel into her boundaries and take ownership of the consequences, good and bad
How her relationships with her clothes let her know when she’s out of alignment elsewhere in her life

Learn more about Stasia Savasuk:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources

A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life by Parker J. Palmer

EP 25: The Boundary Barriers of Leadership with Psychologist and Author, Alison Cook, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 23 Apr 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Boundary barriers become leadership barriers.

What gets in the way of setting and maintaining boundaries gets in the way of leading well.

Our polarized culture, along with so many demands on our time and energy, make it so important to get clear on what gets in the way of setting and maintaining boundaries…and what they are protecting.

Do you know what your boundaries are protecting?

You have to know why you are laboring through the work of setting and maintaining boundaries. Without this clarity and focus you will flounder and feel fed up–often giving up on your boundaries and yourself.

We get so focused on when and how people violate our boundaries that we lose focus on the reason we are fighting for them. This leads to boundaries becoming barriers - no longer protecting what is important: our time, our relationships, our wellbeing.

What helps you stay the course when you set boundaries? Your clarity of values and clarity on what your boundaries protect.

When you are clear on what you are protecting and fighting for, you have more confidence in navigating the work involved in setting and maintaining boundaries.

My guest today loves to teach and talk about boundaries.

Alison Cook, MA, PhD is a counselor, speaker, and the co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul. For over 15 years, Alison has helped women learn how to heal painful emotions, develop confidence from the inside out, forge healthy relationships, and fully live out their God-given potential. Each week, she encourages over 30,000 subscribers to her email newsletter and blog at alisoncookphd.com.

In our conversation, Alison unpacks a powerful perspective on setting and maintaining boundaries.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The ways navigating a blended family has influenced Alison’s leadership in all areas of her life
Getting clear on the stories that keep us from honoring our commitments to ourselves
The medical emergency that brought Alison to a deeper, stronger place in herself
And how bypassing short circuits the soul work of becoming a whole person

Learn more about Alison Cook:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

Internal Family Systems

EP 24: Leading With Visual Language featuring Social Entrepreneur and Author, Sunni Brown

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 09 Apr 2021 00:00:00 -0400

Our capacities are at an all-time low.

Between the pandemic and politics and injustice–not to mention our already overflowing lives and schedules–we have access to far fewer resources for staying calm, beating back anxiety, or holding space for others.

It’s in times like these that leaders like you need to know what trips you up--so you can take better care of yourself and continue to lead those who depend on you.

Knowing what trips you up requires a lot of curiosity and deep respect for feeling out of sorts, but so often, the message to keep cool and never let others see you struggle shuts down any curiosity about what is at the root of inner struggle.

Staying calm and showing up with care is exhausting--especially when the world is on fire. You don’t want to stop… but it’s tough!

Now, I know everyone is used to hearing about “triggers,” but I like to use a different term-- trailhead.

Trailheads, according to the founder of Internal Family Systems Dick Schwartz, are an emotion, image, inner voice, thought, physical sensation, or impulse that, when brought into focus and followed, often leads to a part of our inner system that is in distress.

Understanding our triggers and trailheads is a path to knowing ourselves better and provides us with direction on what we need to create and informs our body of work.

My guest today built an incredible career based on following her triggers and trailheads.

Sunni Brown is a social entrepreneur, best-selling author, story architect, and book coach.

Her TED Talk has drawn more than 1.5 million views and she is the author of Gamestorming and The Doodle Revolution, forthcoming book–Being Confident: In Any Situation and When it Matters Most.

Sunni has developed a company that has a powerful cultural impact on how we learn and work. She has started this movement based on the data offered from her own personal triggers and trailheads.

Sunni has redefined what it means to arrive as she deepens her awareness of her inner system.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What the Doodle Revolution is and why is this type of visual learning so important
The impact doing this type of work has had on Sunni personally and what happened when she followed her rage
How she integrates Internal Family Systems into her visual and design work
And how to get curious and befriend your trailheads and triggers instead of shaming and exiling them

Learn more about Sunni Brown:

Deep Self Design
Twiiter @SunniBrown
Facebook @SunniBrownInk
Instagram @SunniBrown
Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers
The Doodle Revolution: Unlock the Power to Think Differently

Learn more about Liisa Sorsa:

ThinkLink Graphics
Instagram @thinklink_graphics

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources:

EP 23: Leading and Respecting Your Whole Self with Metalsmith and Founder of Artists & Profit Makers, Megan Auman

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 19 Mar 2021 03:00:00 -0400

Too often, we exile the parts of us that hold complex emotions and difficult parts of our story at the expense of our wholeness. And not respecting our own wholeness in favor of living a compartmentalized life is perpetuated in the spaces we live and lead.

So, we hide away the things that we’ve been taught to believe are not acceptable—and what we hide is often rooted from the soul of what makes us unique and feel most alive.

Making space to lead complexity means signing up to navigate emotions, beliefs, and perspectives that do not fit into a tidy box.

This is the call right now. To dig into nuance and hang out in this place of complexity requires awareness that cannot be put back into the proverbial toothpaste tube.

This is super vulnerable.

But remember, respecting the whole person still requires boundaries, honoring core values, and developing systems that move you and your business forward. The fear of chaos is more about the fear of change–and what that change means for our own safety and status.

What we are seeing is how leadership that respects the whole person is rewriting the rules on what is professional and appropriate.

Oh, the rules.

You know the rules... the shoulds about what is professional and ok for business and work and what is not.

These rules crush our souls along with our clarity of voice and desire to create. And they continue to dehumanize and marginalize.

Approaching business and people with a perspective that values all parts of those they lead requires doing the inner work to navigate the complexity of emotions and lived experiences with compassion and curiosity instead of shame and correction.

My guest today lives this work and this approach.

Megan Auman is a jewelry designer, metalsmith, educator, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in selling art through a variety of channels.

Currently, Megan is running her eponymous jewelry line and the online community Artists & Profit Makers for fellow creatives who sell high-end products. A best-selling CreativeLive instructor, Megan’s designs have been featured in Elle Decor, Better Homes & Gardens, Cooking Light and on top-rated blogs like Design*Sponge.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Megan discusses how we can care but not be burdened by judgment–from ourselves or others. I love this insight she offered.
Listen for Megan’s discussion around shame, especially around our workspaces and what we charge for our services.
Notice how Megan approached her own rumble with anxiety that shifted so much for her.

Learn more about Megan Auman:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode:

EP 22: Clear and Decisive Leadership with Founder of Frank and Eileen, Audrey McLoghlin

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 05 Mar 2021 03:00:00 -0500

Never underestimate the power of your decisions.

Especially the little decisions you make each day.

How you go about making decisions offers so much data about you and what you believe about yourself and the world around you.

Many of us second-guess our decisions because we're unsure of ourselves in the first place. Maybe you underestimate your ability to do hard things or give added weight to the judgement others might pass when they learn about your decision.

Most often, I suspect you second-guess your ability to do hard things and feel hard things. Or maybe you question how those around you will respond to your decisions.

If you are too protected from feeling vulnerable or your worthiness is wrapped up in metrics or the opinions of others, then you will be disconnected from your purpose and your courage

More importantly, you will be disconnected from making the decisions that support the life you are building and those you are leading.

My guest today never underestimates herself or saw a problem she could not tackle with zeal. Her sense of responsibility towards those in her charge combined with a deep, early born desire to never be beholden to anyone fuels her approach to the decisions she makes and how she problem solves.

Audrey McLoghlin founded luxury clothing brand Frank & Eileen. Borrowing her grandparents’ names, Audrey sourced traditional suiting fabrics from the finest family-owned mills in Italy to reinvent the women’s button-up—a category that had previously focused solely on men.

Frank & Eileen quickly became a favorite with cultural icons such as Meghan Markle, Oprah Winfrey and Kamala Harris, and is now a global retail brand. She is a four-time entrepreneur who has bootstrapped all of her companies, without ever taking outside funding.

You are in for a masterclass conversation today. This may be a conversation for you to listen to on repeat—I know I already have!

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Audrey’s mindset when the shutdown happened and how that helped her weather the storm of losing 11 million dollars in sales in two weeks
How the burdens she has carried fuels her resilience instead of taking her out
What Audrey says are the two most valuable commodities for an entrepreneur - and for all of us - and how she saw an opportunity on the other side of the triage from the crisis instead of being paralyed by indecision or waiting for things to go back to normal

Learn more about Audrey McLoghlin:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode:

EP 21: Leading With Body Resilience with Co-Author of More Than A Body, Lindsay Kite, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 19 Feb 2021 03:00:00 -0500

Caring about those you lead means caring about the harm you may unknowingly be doing.

Many of us who fit western standards of beauty and live in conventionally abled bodies don't understand how our choices can cause pain. We've internalized ableism and fat-phobia to the point where we can't even grasp how our words & deeds cause harm.

In particular, in the last year, and perhaps for a while longer, many of you have come to terms with the way you operate in the world and cause pain or harm in a way you have no idea.

Talking about beliefs around body, health, size, and beauty can feel like a tenuous social quagmire. Perfectionism and shame love to hang out and have a party with both mindset and mental health when tackling nuanced and vulnerable topics like this one.

We breathe in the many conflicting messages on what it means to be enough, to be strong, to be worthy. Our bodies carry the burdens of these messages and beliefs.

Recognizing how collusion with systems and toxic beliefs affects too many means taking action to alleviate this pain and suffering.

Because accepting these standards unchecked and at face value is dehumanizing and devaluing.

It’s time to choose the socially and morally responsible path to learn what it means to cultivate an environment that supports rathan than harms.

While many companies and organizations are stepping up and making an effort towards this, my guest today shares how the good intentions are often missing the intended - and needed - impact.

Lindsay Kite, PhD is co-author of the new book More Than a Body and co-director of the nonprofit Beauty Redefined, alongside her identical twin sister Lexie Kite. They both received PhDs from the University of Utah in the study of female body image and have become leading experts in body image resilience and media literacy.

Today, Lindsay and Lexie continue to help girls and women recognize and reject the harmful effects of objectification in their lives through their new book, their online Body Image Resilience course, social media activism, and regular speaking engagements for thousands of people of all ages.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Self-objectification and body resilience: These are the game-changer in how you can change your outlook and approach to body anxiety.
Dr. Kite unpacks what gets in the way of how we see ourselves and how that impacts our courage and how we show up in work and life.
The call Dr. Kite puts out for all of us—especially those with privilege—to challenge our bias around body size personally and in our places of work.

Learn more about Lindsay Kite, PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode:

EP 20: Leading From Your Truth with the Founder of Binge Eating Disorder Association, Chevese Turner

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 05 Feb 2021 00:00:00 -0500

There is nothing safe about catalyzing the much needed changes we need in our world today.

Speaking your truth feels loaded right now. I’m not talking about speaking your truth as a way to say whatever you feel whenever and wherever.

I’m talking about the deep knowing inside of you that is you without the armor, the spin. The you that doesn’t absorb the projections onto you from the world.

The pull to dim what you know to be true as a protective response is real.

Sitting on the fence is a protective response. It also keeps you small and led by the burdens of fear.

I have been rumbling with this truth in my own writing and speaking, noticing the years of protecting internally that push me to placate and keep things vague when there is a lot to lose or a chance to get hurt.

The more I unburden the hurts I have held for so long, the more my capacity to move through the vulnerability of leading from my truth and speaking my truth increases.

Sure, leading from your truth is scary... especially In a world that cancels and criticizes in a heartbeat.

My guest today knows a lot about the challenges and costs of leading from your truth.

With 25 years of experience, Chevese Turner is an internationally recognized eating disorders, weight discrimination and social justice activist who founded the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) in 2008.

Chevese is dedicated to moving beyond the current dominant weight-focused paradigm in public health and healthcare delivery to one that is weight inclusive, promotes well-being free from weight stigma and discrimination, and views our understanding of the social determinants of health as an important way forward for individuals who find themselves at the intersection of oppressions and repeated denial of healthcare based on their body size, color, ethnicity, age, gender, socio-economic status, etc.

This is a conversation about so much more than food and body issues. It is about coming home to your truth. It’s about healing from your pain and the traumas of betrayal and constantly being misunderstood. It is about courageous leadership.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Chevese’s insights on the pace of change
The pain many feel because they are misunderstood and devalued because of the body they inhabit—and the responsibility that all leaders have to ensure this doesn’t happen
The essential importance of not censoring yourself so you can show up in your truth

Learn more about Chevese Turner:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode:

Brené Brown

EP 19: Defining Your Own Version Success with Natalie Borton, Founder of Natalie Borton Designs

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 22 Jan 2021 03:00:00 -0500

The quickest way to crash and burn your business and life is to place your worthiness and safety with the opinions of others.

This may sound like a captain-obvious statement but the pull to care what others think is something fierce. And it is sneaky.

The competitive drive is no stranger to many of you. In fact, it is often the norm.

Honoring your boundaries around healthy competition is hard in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough. It does not help that our own self-talk attacks our sense of enough, too.

When not checked, healthy competition and ambition leads to the protectors of scarcity and comparison overwhelming you. This happens quickly when you are not clear on your values, when you are not clear on your definition of success, and when you are not clear on your boundaries.

Without these anchors in place, the powerful drive to win and achieve can quickly warp to a singular focus on another person or another business. Success is then based on comparison and moves you away from what matters most.

However, staying aligned with your personal version of success is possible—and it requires that you constantly recalibrate and live your values.

My conversation with Natalie Borton in this episode of The Unburdened Leader digs deep into these life-long tensions around navigating where your definition of success lies along with the power of staying clear on your core values and taking care of your well-being.

Natalie is a San Diego-based mom, wife and entrepreneur that is passionate about positivity, authenticity and simplicity. She designs minimalist, California-inspired jewelry for everyday wear and educates on making the most out of your wardrobe, living more confidently and pursuing your dreams honestly and whole-heartedly.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Natalie lives her value of positivity (it is a powerful approach to consider, for sure)
The key learnings Natalie took away from the other side of an incredible work opportunity that shook her health
How Natalie rumbles with her ambitions and her ever-evolving definition of success
How Natalie infuses the wisdom she earned in her recovery into her business and platform

Learn more about Natalie Borton:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode

Brené Brown

EP 18: Bold and Honest Beauty Activism with Content Creator, Storyteller, Self-Love Advocate Nikia Phoenix

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 08 Jan 2021 00:00:00 -0500

We might want change now—but change is almost always met with resistance.

And resistance to change is, at its core, protective.

Yet, this well-intentioned approach can end up hurting instead of helping especially when the desire to protect is at the expense of the well-being of others.

When we look at the industries that focus around our image, it gets even messier.

I am late to the fashion, make-up, skincare party—and I have loved playing around with style and products that make me feel good. It has been fun to support some incredible companies caring more about just the bottom line and support causes that serve the greater good.

Still, the messaging around beauty and health can be disorienting… and sometimes downright demoralizing to the point where we confuse the truth on our worth and value.

This is where leaders transform their care into activism in order to cultivate spaces that are brave and safe for all.

This is work.

This is THE work.

So what does cultivating spaces that are brave and safe actually look like? How do we dismantle our own internalized bias or oppression to create spaces where people truly feel welcome and included in the work at hand? And how does this all relate to the work of building a business or managing a team or leading a movement?

That’s what we’re going to be exploring in today’s episode.

My guest today has been called a beauty activist. She is someone who models what it looks like to do the inner work that allows her to keep showing up and disrupting homeostasis for the greater good.

Nikia Phoenix is a content creator, storyteller, and occasional commercial actress with a passion for social change and conscious living. She is also the founder of Black Girl Beautiful, a loving and safe space that celebrates Black women. After diving deeper into wellness and self care, Nikia recently became a Reiki master and meditation practitioner.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Nikia sees the intersection of beauty and leadership and how she defines leadership
Nikia’s experience growing up and how she cared for the young parts of her story through how she is leading her life as an adult
Nikia’s experience on how she navigated a work betrayal
A story from Nikia’s childhood that’s still echoing in my heart today (don’t tap out early on this episode or you might miss it)

Learn more about Nikia Phoenix:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode:

EP 17: Community Over Competition with Co-Founder of The Rising Tide Society Natalie Franke

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 25 Dec 2020 03:00:00 -0500

Community over competition is indeed a well-worn hashtag. The cynical can dismiss it. Those beat up by year after year of injustice understandably call BS.

But in practice, leading with the lens of community over competition is subversive and culture-shifting.

Community over competition requires deep life-long work to unburden the load we carry of scarcity and comparison.

In a highly connected, dopamine infused world, where billions of dollars are spent to cultivate Not Enoughness, we buy, vote, and believe, leading with community over competition is an antidote to the noise.

But leading this way comes at a cost.

It comes at the cost of the quick and easy.

It is not efficient (at least it feels that way in the short term).

It is super uncomfortable and forces you to face the parts of you that are not Instagram friendly.

And... I know you are here for this. (I know I am!)

You are here for showing up online and in-person in a way that does not feel out of alignment.

You are craving depth and are willing to give up the quick wins that just appease the surface image and metrics that fizzle quickly.

You know this is a way to lead that brings you home to your truth and cultivates a boundaried generosity that is contagious and necessary right now.

I am really excited to share with you this nuanced conversation with founder of the community over competition movement, Natalie Franke.

Natalie Franke is a writer (her new book is coming out soon and you do not want to miss it), speaker, entrepreneur, and community builder on a mission to empower small business owners to rise together doing what they love. Natalie leads the Rising Tide Society and has mobilized over 75,000 creatives in the spirit of community over competition around the world.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Natalie’s two different approaches to sharing online and why she chose the path she did for each situation
How Natalie unpacks the power of connection and community in the online space using boundaries and clarity of intent
Her unique lens on the metaphor of the arena in terms of community over competition
How we can move forward from the lessons learned in 2020

Learn more about Natalie Franke:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode

Brené Brown
Naomi Osaka vs Coco Gauff - A Night to Remember via US Open Tennis Championships YouTube Channel

EP 16: Leading with Comedy as a Catalyst for Change and Healing with Digital Strategist and Business Comedian, Rachael Kay Albers

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 11 Dec 2020 03:00:00 -0500

Our workplaces need more laughter.

Our homes need more laughter.

The world needs more laughter.

And I don’t know about you, but I too need more laughter.

There have been times of late when the smallest thing sets my family into a laugh-fest - usually triggered by something we were watching on TV or something one of us said that just tickled the proverbial funny bone.

This communal laughter always feels like a welcomed exhale when I didn't even know I was holding my breath. Every time, I feel lighter and clearer after I wipe the tears of joy away from my face.

Growing up, I got the message that humor and comedy were for those who were not serious. I was always equal parts annoyed and envious of the class-clowns and those that seemed at ease using humor as they lead. I wanted to focus on work but I also appreciated their ability to lighten the mood and not take themselves too seriously while building a sense of connection.

Comedy and humor can be a powerful catalyst for communicating. It brings people together and it is often memorable by making an impact through teaching and entertaining.

Today’s Unburdened Leader guest has the gift of teaching powerful business truths and insights through her gift for comedy.

Rachael Kay Albers is a digital strategist and business comedian. As the founder and creative director of RKA ink, a branding, web design, and digital marketing studio based outside Chicago, Rachael helps thought leaders and visionary entrepreneurs all over the world stand out online without selling their souls or playing the manipulation game.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Rachael’s skill for observation fueled her use of comedy starting at a young age
The connection Rachael makes between her pain and her use of comedy personally and professionally
The wisdom she drops on the slippery slope of entrepreneurship and owning your own business
How Rachael sees comedy as a healing tool

Learn more about Rachael Kay Albers:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Resources from this episode:

EP 15: Leading with Integrity Through Controversy featuring CEO & Founder of Dressember Foundation Blythe Hill

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 27 Nov 2020 03:00:00 -0500

Avoiding controversy for the sake of comfort is not an option for you as you lead, do life, and rumble with all the big and little decisions before you.

Sure, you do not want to contribute to the noise.

You are not looking for a fight (or, like me, you try not to get scrappy just to offload some stress), or to be right just for the sake of being right.

No. You value the big picture. You value the mission. You value the greater impact.

These days, people try to shock us just so they can manipulate our feelings. They use hyperbole to exercise power over us. The polarizations we are living with internally and in our culture lead to many having serious controversy fatigue.

Unburdened leaders get the nuance of standing up. They also understand the sacrifices. They would rather step up for what is true than play it safe.

We all need to do a better job of respecting this kind of leadership by supporting those who are willing to and able to take the heat when the status quo threatens the integrity of important work and fosters dehumanization.

That’s why I’m thrilled to introduce you to today’s guest, Blythe Hill.

Blythe is the CEO and Founder of the Dressember Foundation, an anti-trafficking nonprofit organization. Through their annual campaign, thousands of people across the world commit to wearing dresses or ties for the month of December as a way to raise awareness and funding for anti-trafficking work. Since 2013, Dressember advocates have raised $10MM USD and resourced dozens of anti-trafficking programs across the US and the world.

Please note: This episode we discuss matters around sexual abuse. Take good care of you and know your well-being is more important than pushing through this episode.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The ways Blythe connected the dots with her passion for the decreasing human trafficking with her own story
How she developed her skills as a leader while growing a nonprofit from scratch
Blythe’s approach to a controversial issue while staying true to her expertise and pushing through her growth edges

Learn more about Blythe Hill:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhD

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 13 Nov 2020 03:00:00 -0500

Grief is inevitable as it's simply the other side of love.

The more you love, the more grief you feel. It’s inevitable when you’re all in on life and the relationships within it. This is the cost of a life full of love and meaning.

Daring to care means that grief and loss is inevitable.

If we let it, grief can be a powerful teacher. But first? It deconstructs. It disrupts the best laid plans. And, it brings us to our knees both emotionally and physically.

But truly feeling grief and letting it express itself is how we learn to lead well.

Consenting to grief requires inner trust that you’re going to be okay. And this, my friends, is a powerful form of Self-Leadership. It requires a lot of work and support but it’s essential to continuing to live and lead a brave life.

My guest today knows many forms of grief well and he has dared to be all in with feeling through his losses—and the losses of others who have touched his life—while continuing to step up in all the spaces he leads.

Dean Nelson, PhD is the Founder and Director of the Journalism Program at Point Loma Nazarene University, Founder and Host of Annual Writer's Symposium By The Sea, author of Talk To Me: How to Ask Better Questions, Get Better Answers, and Interview Anyone Like A Proand of God Hides in Plain Sight: How to See the Sacred in a Chaotic World.

Dean is also my Sunday School teacher and a leader who cultivates one of the most sacred spaces in my life where I practice getting out of my own internal echo chamber so I can live with more grace, compassion, and courage.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Dean viewed his work while navigating recent and deeply personal losses
The ways grief can show up in our physical bodies
Dean’s conscious choice to empathize—not harden—in the face of a tragic story he was the first on the scene to cover
How deep grief impacted how Dean leads in his work as a journalist, journalism professor and university department head

Learn more about Dean Nelson PhD:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 13: Owning Your Choices To Gain Freedom and Healing with Former Congresswoman Katie Hill

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 07:21:00 -0400

One of the toughest and most important choices for a leader is to look within and do the deep work to heal the echoes of trauma. By looking and healing our past, they lighten the load of their burdens so they can lead themselves—and others—better.

On the contrary, right now, we are watching in real time the dangers of leaders who are not in touch with their humanity and lead with pain, bullying, and fear. We are breathing in so much toxicity right now and it is taking a toll on all of us.

And even still, I’m struck by how those leaders who have done the work to heal the echoes of their trauma are navigating 2020. I am noticing fatigue, for sure. But I am seeing something else...

The resilience and tenderness I am seeing in these leaders is inspiring me: they are navigating these echoes imperfectly but with an ownership and confidence grounded in their inherent worthiness and value—less encumbered by seeking value and safety externally.

However, the echoes of trauma from domestic and intimate partner violence are particularly insidious—creeping into day-to-day decisions in ways that are often hard to detect but show up in ways that impact confidence and clarity.

My guest today, Former Congresswoman Katie Hill, is a powerhouse in work and life and she is also a survivor of domestic violence. She wasn't yet 30 when she embarked on her run for Congress. By 31, she had become not only a Member of Congress - and one of the youngest women to ever serve in the House of Representatives - but also a member of Congressional Leadership.

Former Congresswoman Hill resigned from her position less than a year after entering Congress, following political sabotage by her abusive ex-husband in a scandal that began a national conversation around questions of bisexuality, domestic abuse, cyber exploitation, workplace power dynamics, and what happens when regular people who live regular lives run for office.

Former Congresswoman Hill is also the author of She Will Rise: Becoming a Warrior in the Battle for True Equality and the founder of Her Time, a political action committee supporting women in politics who are shaping their communities, and the country, for the better.

Please note: This episode will be discussing domestic violence and suicidal ideation. Take care as you listen and pause if you need to. If you or someone you know is struggling with domestic violence and/or thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 800.799.7233 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Where Katie drew her courage from as she made difficult decisions regarding her career and own personal healing
The choices Katie continues to make as she moves forward personally and professionally
The phrase Katie thinks that we need to eliminate from our world view to make space for more healing

Learn more about Katie Hill:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 12: Choosing Scrappy Hope Over Cynicism with Ramon Galindo

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 16 Oct 2020 03:00:00 -0400

The belief that hope will kill you is a common reason that many people reject the practice of hope in the first place. Most would rather keep the bar low and expect the worst.

Protecting yourself with this level of cynicism leads to living a negative, small and joyless life.

And we are not here for that.

Embracing hope might look dangerous and reckless on the surface, yet, in truth, it is a deeply aligned practice grounded in values, courage, and consistency. This kind of hope supports showing up when there is not evidence things will get better or be better.

Truly, some of the most hopeful leaders I know have been through some of the darkest experiences. They have a capacity for the whole human experience. They are often seen as uncool or too positive. But really, they are the grittiest people I know.

Their hope does not bypass the messiness of heartache, disappointment, betrayal but instead they repel cynicism in these moments and embrace it all.

My recent interview with Chef Joel Gamaron made me appreciate how his cooking scrappy principles also apply to leadership and hope. When we work with what we have, even the things we want to discard, we can make something amazing.

Those who dare to hope KNOW pain is a part of the gig. Those who choose hope just keep taking the actionable steps towards what they believe is possible—even when the future is still unknown.

A hope that allows for loss and disappointment is a scrappy hope. And a scrappy hope allows for all the highs and lows of humanity, including feelings of futility, doubt, and fear, while also allowing us to keep moving forward.

My guest today embodies this kind of scrappy hope with all of its shadows. He has faced deep loss and grief personally and now reports on the stories of loss and tragedy while keeping cynicism at bay.

Ramon Galindo is a bilingual reporter and producer with NBC San Diego with more than a decade of experience in television journalism. From politics, to criminal justice, to the economy, Ramon strives to tell stories from a unique perspective. His work aims to hold government and powerful institutions accountable, while being a voice for the unheard.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ramon’s hope fuels how he leads in his work as a reporter—and how that influences his deep commitment to tell the stories of those that often get overlooked
How he navigates reporting the tragic, the gruesome, and the highly charged social unrest and still holds hope for humanity without bypassing the hard.
Ramon’s influences and support systems in his life
How scrappy hope is a hope that is never done alone

Learn more about Ramon Galindo:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 11: Befriending Your Anxiety with Chef Joel Gamoran

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 02 Oct 2020 03:00:00 -0400

Instead of making an enemy of your anxiety, you can make a friend out of your anxiety.

This approach to the challenges of living with anxiety—in both your life and business as a leader—helps to turn the fear that comes with anxiety into your superpower.

But if you’re to make friends with your anxiety, you need to understand the story behind its fear and concerns. Anxiety has a mission to protect and it often does so in ways that are crushing, robbing you of your presence and the place where you show up in your truth.

Making friends with your anxiety—and finding the story beneath it—isn’t done by pushing through or thinking your way out of it. That just turns up the dial.

Instead, when you build a relationship with the parts of you that hold your anxiety—instead of trying to kill it or crush it—your life will be different and your ability to lead will feel different.

You will lead with your anxiety instead of it leading you.

My guest today did just that. Not only did he study and befriend his anxiety but he saw it as a way to fuel his desire for life-long growth and performance. He learned that the best way to protect his presence is to cultivate practices where he took the time and space to prepare.

Chef Joel Gamoran is best known as the host for A&E’s hit series “Scraps,” and has become one of the nation’s most well-known sustainability storytellers. Joel spent over ten years as a National Chef for Sur La Table and, in 2018, Joel released his book “Cooking Scrappy,” inspiring home cooks to turn scraps into delicious meals.

Joel also makes monthly appearances on NBC’s Today Show, sharing his recipes and sustainability tips to a worldwide viewership. Through entertainment, creativity, humility, and education, Joel brings people together with a common goal of getting good food on the table while being mindful of waste.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Joel’s committed to presence and befriending his anxiety
Joel’s radical acceptance of his nervous system
How he sees a scrappy mindset as a powerful leadership tool
Navigating anxiety while live on national TV

Learn more about Joel Gamoran:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

Good To Great by Jim Collins

EP 10: Leading With Boundaries vs Over-Functioning with Krystel Stacey

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 18 Sep 2020 00:00:00 -0400

Over-functioning is the default setting for so many leaders.

They want to fix and rescue everything—and sometimes that looks like working harder than others. But is that truly leading?

Fueled by anxiety, a high sense of responsibility, and a lack of clear boundaries, over-functioning can hijack the best of us. What’s tricky in overcoming over-functioning is that part of your superpower is seeing the solution and knowing what needs to be done to fix it.

And while over-functioning might be a part of your day-to-day life as a leader, boundaries can be the balm to soothe your default over-functioning and need to fix-all-the-things to become the leader you’re meant to be.

My guest in this episode is Krystel Stacey. She’s a powerhouse serial entrepreneur who leads and works hard to make everything around her beautiful and filled with meaning and purpose.

Krystel is also the owner of six businesses and is dedicated to inspiring fellow leaders and entrepreneurs through her successes, and her struggles.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Krystel is so passionate about creating experiences with vision and meaning
How important boundaries are in her work
How releasing the responsibility of over-functioning in favor of a life aligned with her purpose and vision differentiated from those she leads and supports
The beauty she is committed to creating out of a space of pain and loss
How the fruits of starting her own family supported her coming into her own

Learn more about Krystel Stacey:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

Bowen Family Systems Theory

EP 09: Standing Up Against the Culture of Bullying with Gemma Went

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 03:00:00 -0400

One of the most challenging aspects of leadership is facing bullies.

…the bullies from our past.

...the bullies in our present.

...and the bullies between our ears.

We live in a culture that normalizes—and even elevates—bullies in the name of entertainment. Our culture encourages us to enjoy the suffering of others instead of empathizing with the personal pain of the bullied. Our culture increasingly urges us to see bullying as a sign of strength.

When in truth, the culture of bullying is fueled by shame, fear, and violence. It perpetuates a right to retribution that dehumanizes. It ruins lives and lacks accountability, compassion, and empathy.

That’s why it’s more important than ever these days to take a stand. To face the bully, the oppressor, the abuser, the betrayer and say: enough. No more. Not now. Not ever again.

Gemma Went is my guest today. She’s here to share about when she decided to push back on both the internal and external voices that said she should not pay time or energy to a recent bullying and public shaming experience.

Gemma is an Online Business Mentor + Digital Growth Strategist based in the UK and works with entrepreneurs and business owners across the globe achieve great things and smash their goals through her proprietary frameworks and systems, all based on three core principles: Mindset + Strategy + Action, which make up her MSA Approach™.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Gemma made a careful and values-based decision to take a stand against a bullying experience in adulthood
The impact her childhood bullying experience had on her decision to take a stand
The important work she did to heal, grow, and lead the trauma of being bullied rather than it leading her
The vulnerability in asking for help

Learn more about Gemma Went:

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 08: Dismantling and Rebuilding with Ally Fallon

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 21 Aug 2020 03:00:00 -0400

Most leaders go through a period where they take stock of the trappings of the life they believe they are “supposed” to live. They examine the assumptions they’ve made, the choices they’ve fallen into, and the circumstances that have shaped their stories.

And they realize—however painfully—that it all needs to be torn down. I’ve been there, too. Brick by brick, they dismantle the details of their lives so that they can carefully and intentionally rebuild.

It takes real courage to lead yourself through a season of dismantling.

And, no, not the Mel Gibson Braveheart courage. But the quiet courage that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other. The unseen courage that chooses a life of uncertainty versus maintaining the status quo of tolerating, doubt, and shame.

It’s not easy to reassess the choices that have gotten you to where you’re at. But without paying close attention to how you’ve ended up merely tolerating the status quo, you can’t ever lift the burdens that keep you from being the leader you want to be.

You have to go through it, not around it.

No matter how cliché, it’s the truth.

My guest today has been through the process of examining and dismantling the details of her life so she could really lead. If you don’t know Ally Fallon, you need to. Ally writes books, helps people write books, and believes a regular practice of writing can change your life. She is the author of 12 books (and counting), is a sought-after public speaker, and a coach to hundreds of authors from New York TimesBestsellers to total beginners. She has spent the last decade coaching hundreds of people to gain confidence, overcome writer’s block, and get their stories on paper.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the dismantling of Ally’s marriage led to a deep season of questioning that moved her towards her unburdening and living an unburdened life
How Ally took the time to become skilled at witnessing and honoring the wisdom of her own pain emotionally and physically
Why writing, relationships, and the movement of yoga were anchors in the wilderness of her dismantling

Learn more about Ally Fallon:

Findyourvoice.com
Follow Ally on Instagram: @letsfindyourvoice & @allyfallon
Follow Ally on Twitter
Follow Ally on Facebook

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 07: Healing Trauma and the Burden of Addiction with Andrea Owen

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 03:00:00 -0400

We push ourselves until we crash.

We people please until we lose ourselves.

We hide our truth until we’re crushed from loneliness and disconnection.

Instead of dealing with the stress of our present, the anxiety of our future, or the trauma of our past, we numb out.

We drink the wine or take the pills or binge on the ice cream—and, oftentimes, we cross the threshold from numbing out to addiction.

Not surprisingly, alcohol is one of the first things many reach for to numb the ache. It’s socially acceptable and it’s easily accessible. It takes the edge off. It makes us feel a little less. It helps us find more calm and clarity.

Similarly, some people shop to soothe their pain. Some eat. Some exercise until they drop to the ground. The things that start off as comfort often lead to addition.

And it works—until it doesn’t.

My guest on this episode is Andrea Owen. Andrea is the founder of Your Kick-Ass Life Coaching and author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness and 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve. She helps high-achieving women let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation and, instead, choose courage and confidence.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Andrea needed to understand and heal her traumas in order to fully unburden the last of her addictions
The role community plays in Andrea’s sobriety
How grief nearly brought Andrea out of recovery
How commitment to her values helped Andrea maintain her continued healing and sobriety

Learn more about Andrea Owen:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Other references:

Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

EP 06: Leading & Loving Towards Beautifully Made With Intention with Arielle Estoria

Samantha Gilbert — Fri, 24 Jul 2020 03:00:00 -0400

Leaders are especially good at hiding from love and the vulnerability it brings in ways that look deceptively bold. This can be a dangerous contagion, I’ve found, encouraging others to also hide behind the protectors of Hubris. Individualism. Perfectionism. Hustle.

I’ve seen how spending so much time hiding behind who you think you should be makes you forget who you are, what you value, and what you believe.

And, honestly, it can crush your spirit.

That’s why being able to receive love is foundational to being able to love and lead others well. This means moving through discomfort by feeling through it instead of letting the protectors – fueled by fear – hide your humanity.

My guest today is a force of love—towards herself and others—in both words and actions.

Arielle Estoria is a renaissance woman: a poet, author, speaker, and creative. I first met Arielle at Yellow Conference where she was an MC—a tour de force of love from the stage. I immediately started to follow her work and was moved by her ability to put words to the steady tension of loving ourselves so we can lead ourselves and others well.

Arielle truly lights up any room as an emcee and event host, a body-positive model, and actor. She has shared her work through spoken word, workshops, and themed keynote talks with companies such as Google, Sofar Sounds, Lululemon, Dressember, Tedx, the SKIMS campaign by Kim Kardashian, Hollis Co. by Rachel Hollis, and more.

Arielle’s first EP, a collection of music and poetry called Symphony of a Lioness and her single Magic (In Your Bones) are available on iTunes or Apple Music. She is the co-author of two collections of poetry: Vagabonds and Zealots (2014) and Write Bloody Spill Pretty (2017), which can both be found on Amazon.com.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How she discovered her body through acting, performing spoken word poetry, modeling, and calling BS on practices and businesses that do not value all bodies
A look behind Arielle’s internal work and how playing find the lie and find the truth to see the full value in herself as a person
When Arielle decided that her body is not an unhealthy hazard—and what she redefined BMI as in her own words
What impact the toxic modesty culture has had on Arielle

Learn more about Arielle Estoria:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Other references:

Yellow Conference

EP 05: Exploring the Echoes of Past Struggles Through Creativity and Curiosity with Morgan Harper Nichols

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 03:00:00 -0400

The past often acts itself out in the present and this can be super frustrating for established leaders—especially when it feels like you’ve already done the work to move past those struggles.

I know it has for me and so many of you, too.

We’ve read the books, gone to therapy, hired a coach, and went to the workshops.

We’ve committed to the deep work so that we can lead, thrive, and create well.

Sometimes, those struggles and challenges still impact the ability to navigate present challenges and growth edges… echoes of that pain linger within the body and nervous system.

But I know that you’re committed to life-long growth—and, of course, growth comes with some semblance of discomfort. When the nervous system is still carrying the burdens of previous pain, then resistance spikes to try and protect us.

It shows up as doubt, comparison, imposter experience, perfectionism, and so many more. And as much as I’d love to say it only takes thinking the resistance and other internal protectors away, it simply doesn’t work that way—instead, we have to feel through the emotions to build our resilience and support the desire to lead with more courage, conviction, and compassion.

Today on the podcast, I’m so pleased to welcome Morgan Harper Nichols. Morgan is an artist, poet, and author of All Along You Were Blooming and has collaborated with a wide range of brands including Anthropologie, Coach, Adobe, Aerie, and more.

Morgan is an unburdened leader who leans on her curiosity and her appreciation for the layers of what it means to be human. She deeply values the role of creativity to healing from the disappointments that come from living a brave life.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How art and music was essential for Morgan’s healing journey
Why recurring struggles are not a sign of failure or weakness
How listening to others helped Morgan find her own language and her own healing

Learn more about Morgan Harper Nichols:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Other references:

Yellow Conference

EP 04: Leading with Grace and the Power of Emotions with J.S. Park

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 03:00:00 -0400

Leadership is hard and it is not for the weary.

Leading myself and others in the face of injustice while also staying aligned to my integrity and values has required an immense amount of courage, clarity, confidence—and a lot of deep breaths.

In times of conflict, my ability to stay aligned with my integrity and core values has often been a reflection of the inner work I have done to tolerate criticism, backlash, conflict, being misunderstood, and losing support/business/followers.

Words like ‘integrity’ and ‘values’ can become nebulous and lose meaning when not backed up by consistent—though imperfect—action.

Leading, living, and being human continues to be an ongoing and imperfect process. My desire to seek accountability and justice in the world has required me to swim in the deep end of grace and strive to live this grace.

Allowing myself to take imperfect action has been immensely uncomfortable but rewarding. It has been what I needed to maintain the ongoing process of unburdened leadership.

I’m thrilled to welcome my guest today, J.S. Park. His vulnerability along with his gift of communication is an example of unburdened leadership. J.S. reminds me that we are not robots and how our emotions, if not addressed, can end up overwhelming us, taking us out, and moving us away from what matters most.

J.S. is a hospital chaplain, chaplain for the homeless, 6th-degree blackbelt, ex-atheist, skeptic, son of immigrants, and author of his new book, The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The burdens J.S. carries that encouraged him to become a chaplain, how the work has been healing to him, and how it’s also been difficult
How depression has impacted J.S. and why he decided to get curious and feel the pain instead of bypassing it
How J.S. has been—and still is— impacted by intergenerational racism
What inspired J.S. to start what he calls typewriter therapy

Learn more about Pastor J.S. Park:

Facebook: @Pastor J.S. Park
Instagram: @jspark3000

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 03: How Pain Can Inspire Growth & A Lifelong Mission with Jess Weiner

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 12 Jun 2020 03:00:00 -0400

Somewhere early in my life, I got the message that acknowledging my pain was not okay. Being vulnerable opened me up for attack. It was dangerous. Messages like “never let them see your sweat” often got mixed up with “no pain, no gain.” So there’s a mixture of: don’t show your pain getting the best of you yet show yourself conquering it all.

And it’s not working.

Just look at the stats of those suffering from clinical depression, clinical anxiety, substance use and abuse, suicide attempts and completion, marital and relational distress, and the effects of trauma and post-traumatic stress.

Hiding our pain—avoiding it, even demonizing it—is taking us out because it’s not sustainable.

But when you acknowledge your pain as an inspiration instead of an identity, this is where the gold lies that fuels your meaning and purpose.

On today’s episode, I’m excited to talk with cultural expert, speaker, educator, and consultant, Jess Weiner.

Jess continues to fight against being defined by her struggles, choosing instead to be inspired by them–even when the burdens of recurring struggles take her out. She has identified her blind spots, collected the data, and is now continuing to create and iterate–crediting her original pain story as part of her foundational inspiration.

Jess is the CEO of Talk to Jess, where she advises Fortune 500 companies to help them better reflect people in their media, marketing, advertising, and workforce. She is also an adjunct professor at USC in the Annenberg School of Journalism, an acclaimed author, and was recently named by Fast Company as one of the most creative people in Business in the areas of Diversity and Inclusion.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Jess continues to heal, grow, and respond to her pain in ways that inspire change in her personal life and her body of work
Why Jess’ recovery awakened her activism and led her to creative outreach avenues, including theatre
How pain leads us down the path of self-discovery and unleashes some of our best work into the world

Learn more about Jess:

Jessweiner.com
Instagram: @imjessweiner
Twitter: @JessWeiner
Facebook: @Jess Weiner
LinkedIn: @Jess Weiner

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard Schwartz

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 29 May 2020 03:15:00 -0400

My body was telling me to take a step back and reevaluate.

Five years ago I had pneumonia and I couldn’t really do anything other than prop myself up on the couch and breathe...

...breathe and think about how I ended up in this mess

I’d run myself into the ground. My schedule was full-to-overflowing. My life was packed and stretched to the edges. I had no margin for error, no space to breathe, no time to connect to who and what mattered to me.

What was I really chasing? Why had I packed my life so full? What was really driving me to try to be all the things to all the people?

The trauma of betrayal, abuse, shame, and the constant search to prove myself worthy–it was humbling and frustrating to see these recurring struggles and how they were hijacking my drive.

I needed to do more work to lift those burdens, so I could move forward in a way where my drive was aligned to what matters most to me instead of taking me further away.

In the last episode, Jonathan Merritt and I talked about how sometimes our bodies give us an SOS whether we like it or not. That SOS is an opportunity to take stock and make changes so we can get back to the work of leading.

Today, I am talking with an incredible thinker and one of the most generous leaders I have ever met about what to do when you get slammed into that wall and need to make changes.

Dr. Richard Schwartz created Internal Family Systems (IFS) after years as a systemic family therapist and academic. This framework has been instrumental in my own work as a therapist and coach for leaders.

We dig deep into the story of his own personal journey, what led him to course-correct on his early teaching on healing, and how unchecked drive can hijack other parts of you–your playfulness, your ability to rest, and your ability to handle what comes up when you finally take a break.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How we overcome overwhelm and why resistance always creeps in
How a near-death experience in Hawaii helped Richard to reach a better understanding of Self-leadership
How he was saved by his IFS practice and was inspired to bring the model to the world
Why Richard feels like his methodology is a powerful support in an age of gas lighting culture
How you can deal with all that comes up when you slow down, pause, or even have a hard stop like we all are currently experiencing now during this global pandemic

Learn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:

Internal Family Systems

Learn more about Rebecca:

EP 01: Take Time For The Deep Work So Trauma Doesn’t Take You Out with Jonathan Merritt

Rebecca Ching — Fri, 29 May 2020 03:00:00 -0400

Leaders often struggle to make time for healing until their body sends out an SOS.

They postpone and avoid the need for deeper healing and then get slammed by illness, exhaustion, or burnout.

And at the heart it? There is usually the burden of unaddressed trauma.

Insomnia, chronic pain, hair and skin issues, digestive distress, mood swings, and illness after illness–if you’re experiencing these symptoms without relief, you might be one of these leaders. The cost of avoiding or bypassing the deep work and healing ends up costing you time, opportunity, and your physical and emotional well-being.

We need more leaders to show up and model what it means to prioritize healing by doing the deeper work to change.

That's why I'm excited to share today’s conversation with Jonathan Merrit.

Jonathan knows a thing or two about the deep work of healing because he has lived this truth in action.

He is a model of tenacity and commitment toward the long-game work of healing. The process has transformed how he is showing up not only when writing about the hard and controversial things around culture and faith but also in his vulnerability when sharing his journey and risking failure when making big life decisions.

Jonathan Merritt is one of America’s most prolific writers focused on religion, culture, and politics. He is the author of Learning to Speak God From Scratch and serves as a contributing writer for The Atlantic and contributing editor for The Week.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What it looked like to choose to not to bypass pain, repressed anger, and shame
How psychological trauma and stress can manifest physically and ways to address that trauma
How to listen to the sacred whisper and choose the risk of failure over the feelings of regret
How Jonathan communicates his facedown moments in his relationship to his body and his own journey with languaging his faith

Learn more about Jonathan:

Learn more about Rebecca:

Introducing The Unburdened Leader

Rebecca Ching, LMFT — Fri, 10 Apr 2020 16:08:00 -0400

Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

The Unburdened Leader

EP 154: Leading from Safety, Not Survival: Deb Dana on Co-Regulation and Leadership

EP 153: Power Dynamics and Personal Power: Dr. Amanda Aguilera on the Right Use of Power

EP 152: Trauma Happens When We're Left Alone: Chris Burris on Psychological Safety and IFS in Groups

EP 151: Why Networking Feels Gross and How to Build Relationships That Actually Last with Monique Kelley

EP 150: The Leadership Practice of Joy: Shabnam Mogharabi on Story and Service

EP 149: Interrupting the Fawning Trauma Response: Leadership, Safety, and Self-Trust with Dr. Ingrid Clayton

EP 148: Naming as Leadership Practice: Soraya Chemaly on Language and Power

EP 147: Despair Is Not a Strategy: Emerge America CEO A'shanti Gholar on Servant Leadership and the Long Game

EP 146: Regulated Leadership: Nervous System Skills Every Leader Needs with Deb Dana

EP 145: Leading Through Outrage: Why Moral Imagination Matters with Dr. Kurt Gray

EP 144: Faithful Skepticism: Questioning Without Losing Hope with David Adey

EP 143: Transforming Legacy Burdens in our Leadership with Crystal Jones

EP 142: The Hidden Leadership and Mental Health Costs of Performative Goodness with Elise Loehnen

EP 141: When Science Meets Misinformation: How to Lead with Evidence in a Truth-Decay Era with Dr. Ben Rein

EP 140: Dare to Dabble: How Intentional Amateurship Builds Resilience with Karen Walrond

EP 139: Bad Bosses Aren't Born, They're Made: Breaking Toxic Leadership Cycles with Mita Malick

EP 138: Unburdened Eating: How Healing Your Relationship with Food Transforms Your Leadership with Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro

EP 137: The Summer Willis Act: From Silence to Systems Change with Summer Willis

EP 136: From Overwhelm to Enough: Leading Through Intentional Consumption with Ashlee Piper

EP 135: Disability Joy and Persistent Leadership: Honoring Our Full Humanity with Tiffany Yu​​

EP 134: Focus, Feel, Forward: Redefining Leadership for the Long Haul with Amanda Litman

EP 133: Beyond Nostalgia: Leading Through Constant Uncertainty with Chris Hoff, LMFT

EP 132: Why Most Feedback Fails (And How to Make It Actually Work) with Therese Huston, Ph.D.

EP 131: Leadership, Accountability, and the Self: A Special Anniversary Conversation with IFS Founder Richard Schwartz

EP 130: The Unburdened Leader Roundtable Sessions: Autism and Leadership with Eric Garcia and Meg Raby Klinghoffer

EP 129: Beyond the List: Building Communities of Generosity and Mutual Care with Charles Vogl

EP 128: The Humanity Behind the Science: Challenging Misinformation with Empathy featuring Dr. Jess Steier

EP 127: Hard on Ideas, Not People: Fighting Fiction with Facts (and a Little Humor) with Dr. Jonathan N. Stea

EP 126: Authenticity in Action: Speaking Up, Holding Nuance, and Leading with Courage with Dr. Jamie Marich

EP 125: Power, Regulation, and Leadership: Connecting to Your Personal Power with Dr. Amanda Aguilera

EP 124: Doing the Work: Internal Family Systems and Creativity with Sacha Mardou

EP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb Dana

EP 122: 2024 Debrief: Rhythms, Reps, and Metabolizing Loss

EP 121: Loving the Other Side: Leadership That Bridges Divides with Frank Anderson

EP 120: Permission to Pause: How Glimmers Fuel Creativity and Leadership with Amanda Jones

EP 119: Choosing Health Over Hustle: A Radical Reimagining of Success and Survival with Kirsten Powers

EP 118: Leading Through Uncertainty: The Power of Compassionate Presence

EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya Chemaly

EP 116: Leading through Anger, Hope, and Healing with House Minority Leader Jennifer Konfrst

EP 115: Permission to Speak: Reclaiming Your Voice Beyond Relational Trauma with Samara Bay

EP 114: Why Bother? Navigating Burnout and Rediscovering Purpose with Jennifer Louden

EP 113: Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott Shigeoka

EP 112: How Dreamwork Can Shape Better Leaders with Dee Kelley

EP 111: Imagining New Possibilities of Inclusion with Meg Raby Klinghoffer

EP 110: Intro to Fall 2024 Series: The Generative Power of the Imagination

EP 109: Navigating Regrets and Embracing Inner Clarity with Molly Mahar

EP 108: Speaking Truth to Power: Taking a Stand Guided by Faith and Love with Dee Kelley

EP 107: The Seasons of Entrepreneurship: Leading a Deliberate Life with Laura Roeder

EP 106: Trauma, Leadership, and Healing: A Colleague Conversation with Sarah Buino

EP 105: Dr. Frank Anderson: A Loving and Kind Approach to Healing and Leadership

EP 104: The Intersection of How We Lead, Love, and Grieve with J.S. Park

EP 103: The Burden of Shoulds and Moving Towards Self-Compassion with Alison Cook, PhD

EP 102: Toxic Leadership: The True Cost of Workplace Trauma with Mita Mallick

EP 101: Transforming the Legacy Burdens from Relational Trauma with Deran Young

EP 100: Celebrating 100 Episodes: Behind the Scenes of the Unburdened Leader

EP 99: Lead & Love Beyond Differences: The Work of Building Bridges with Jonathan Merritt

EP 98: Ecosystems for Change: Embracing Generative Conflict in a World on Fire with Deepa Iyer

EP 97: Releasing the Need to Prove: Arielle Estoria's Journey to Authentic Leadership

EP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women's Anger with Soraya Chemaly

EP 95: Good Trouble: A Personal Account of January 6th with Officer Harry Dunn

EP 94: 2023 Debrief of Space and Pace

EP 93: Beyond Words: Unveiling the Layers of Storytelling Leadership with Ali Edwards

EP 92: Leadership in Transition: Navigating Life Shifts with Brigitte Lyons

EP 91: Decolonizing Wealth: Confronting Exploitation and Healing Wounds with Edgar Villanueva

EP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon Watts

EP 89: Navigating Gender Bias: Leadership Steps for Workplace Equality with Amy Diehl, PhD

EP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar Barstow

EP 87: Authoritarianism in Cultish and High-Demand Communities with Bradley Onishi

Ep 86: Humaning Together: Integrating Grief and Lived Experience with Kathy Escobar

EP 85: Team Habits: Redefining Workplace Dynamics with Charlie Gilkey

EP 84: Recalibrating Success and Accomplishment with Martha Bitar

EP 83: Cultivating a Practice of True Play with Gary Ware

EP 82: Beyond the Stigma: Prioritizing Needs Without Judgement with Mara Glatzel

EP 81: Beyond Optics: Leadership and Meaningful Inclusion with Sand Chang, PhD

EP 80: The Safety Spectrum: Navigating Discomfort and Cultivating Safe Spaces with Tasha Hunter, MSW, LCSW

EP 79: Leading with Curiosity and Cultivating Authentic Connections with Toni Herbine-Blank, MS, RN, C-SP

EP 78: The Intersection of Relational Trauma and Business Boundaries with Heidi Taylor

EP 77: Inclusive Leadership: Welcoming and Creating Space for Neurodiversity with Jessie Ginsburg & Chris Wenger

EP 76: Changing the Conversation on Autism with Eric Garcia

EP 135: Disability Joy and Persistent Leadership: Honoring Our Full Humanity with Tiffany Yu

EP 74: Leading in Hard Times With Values and Boundaries with Kristen Campbell, DPT