The Dad Manual

Episode 20: How a Tough Childhood Built a Better Dad with Daniel Ramsey

Tony Cooper — Tue, 12 May 2026 04:00:00 -0700

He runs four businesses and 3,000 employees — but his most important job is Dad.

Daniel Ramsey is a husband, father of three, high school wrestling coach, and serial entrepreneur who has spent nearly two decades building an intentional family life from the ground up. Growing up with an absent, unintentional father, Daniel made a conscious choice to become something different — and the results speak for themselves. This is a raw, honest, and deeply practical conversation about what it really takes to show up for your kids.

Key Takeaways:

Time is an expression of love — your presence is the most meaningful gift you can give your children.
Your kids reveal your best and worst qualities; embrace what they mirror back at you.
Breaking generational cycles starts with recognizing the patterns you inherited from your own parents.
Love is a verb — it requires active, ongoing effort, not just feeling.
Annual one-on-one trips with each child create deep, lasting connection.
The family dinner ritual (High, Low, Buffalo) creates a protected space for daily connection.
Becoming a father exposes your selfishness — and that's the first step toward growth.
Choosing to do things for your family that don't serve your personal goals is where real growth lives.
Modeling vulnerability and learning in front of your kids builds trust and teaches resilience.
Unconditional love becomes real the moment you become a parent — and it changes everything.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Welcome to the Dad Manual Podcast
(01:20) - Meet Daniel's Three Girls
(03:35) - Qualities Kids Mirror Back at You
(05:48) - Growing Up in Redding, California
(08:44) - Childhood Instability & Its Impact
(09:41) - Modeling Fatherhood After His Wrestling Coach
(10:32) - Love Is a Verb — The Lesson That Changed Everything
(12:04) - A Raw Moment: Learning Relationships Aren't Black and White
(13:51) - Hot Tub Conversations with His Oldest
(15:05) - Knowing When to Ask for Help
(16:51) - The High, Low, Buffalo Dinner Ritual
(19:00) - Annual One-on-One Trips with Each Daughter
(25:00) - Advice for New Dads: You Are Selfish
(30:00) - Unconditional Love — Before and After Kids
(35:00) - The Family Ski Trip: Eight Years in the Making
(40:00) - Choosing Jiu-Jitsu as a Family
(44:00) - Failing in Front of Your Kids
(47:16) - Outro

Ep 19: Girl Dad Wisdom: Building Trust, Traditions, and Unbreakable Bonds

Tony Cooper — Tue, 05 May 2026 04:00:00 -0700

What does it really mean to love your kids without conditions — even when it's hard?

Tony sits down with Jason Wright — podcast host, girl dad, and self-described "nutty dad" — for a conversation about breaking generational cycles, building family traditions, and loving with reckless abandonment. Jason grew up in a home where love was conditional and performance-driven, yet made a conscious choice to parent completely differently. He shares the real and the raw: the stress he wore too tight, the heartbreaks he couldn't fix, and the nighttime rituals that shaped his daughters into the remarkable women they are today. This is a fatherhood podcast conversation that'll have you calling your kids the second it's over.

Key Takeaways:

Speak to your children above their age level — treat them as capable and they'll rise to it
Breaking generational cycles takes awareness and active, daily effort — awareness alone isn't enough
Conditional love quietly programs children to believe they're not enough
Family rituals and traditions create a "stickiness" that holds a family together through hard seasons
Being a girl dad means modeling what a healthy relationship looks like — long before they date anyone
Love your future son-in-law intentionally; pouring into him protects your daughter
Wear your stress carefully — letting it steal your joy is one of the hardest fatherhood failures to recognize
You can't take your kids' pain away, but you can be honest with them and stay present through it
Never withhold love, even for a moment — especially when they feel least lovable
The goal of raising kids is to wind up with incredible adults you want to spend time with

This is one for every dad who wants to show up better — today, tomorrow, and for generations to come.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Introduction & cold open
(01:22) - What kind of dad is Jason Wright?
(02:24) - Raising kids to become adults you love
(03:05) - Life with adult daughters
(04:55) - Introducing kids to music early
(07:12) - Gen Z and the loss of cultural breadth
(09:31) - Healing trauma instead of passing it on
(10:17) - Jason's childhood: broken home, conditional love
(13:55) - How generational patterns repeat
(15:03) - The role of faith and Mrs. Wright
(17:32) - Raising daughters who feel safe and worthy
(19:55) - The wedding song — "Two Steps Behind"
(20:45) - Rylan's upcoming wedding
(22:00) - Loving your son-in-law intentionally
(25:24) - The responsibility of being a girl dad
(27:42) - The unexpected hard parts of fatherhood
(29:28) - Handling a daughter's first heartbreak
(31:37) - The unconditional love you didn't know you had
(31:46) - Sharing a birthday with your daughter
(33:14) - Family rituals and traditions that create culture
(36:22) - Watching Father of the Bride every Father's Day
(38:20) - Advice for brand-new dads
(42:07) - Love them in the places they feel unlovable

Ep 18: Breaking the Pattern - How One Dad Rewired His Approach to Raising Kids

Tony Cooper — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

Two decades in, Kevin Button is still learning — and that's exactly what makes him a great dad.

Kevin Button is a father of three spanning 21 years in age, and one of Tony Cooper's closest friends in fatherhood. In this conversation, Kevin gets brutally honest about who he was as a young father — ego-driven, reactive, and repeating patterns he never consciously chose — and how a quiet moment with his 3-year-old son completely broke him open.

Kevin and Tony dig into the long game of raising kids: what changes between your first and third child, why the ego is the enemy of good fathering, and how becoming the dad you want to be is a daily, conscious act. They also talk about the rare gift of a trusted fatherhood community, the role of sports in building character, and why presence is the single greatest thing you can give a child.

This is the kind of real, unfiltered fatherhood podcast conversation that sticks with you — whether you're 10 minutes into the dad journey or 20 years deep.

Key Takeaways:

Your first child takes the brunt of who you were before you did the work — and that's a call to action, not a reason for guilt.
Emotion is a compass. When something doesn't feel right in how you're parenting, that discomfort is pointing you somewhere important.
The ego is one of the biggest obstacles to becoming a great father. Learning to put it down is a skill.
Children love unconditionally — and watching that play out in real time can be the most powerful catalyst for change.
Presence isn't passive. It's a disciplined, conscious effort — and it's worth more than any material thing you can give a child.
Parenting evolves across your kids. Who you were raising your first child is rarely who you are by the third.
Your kids are watching everything: how you carry yourself in public, how you treat your wife, how you handle conflict.
A community of aligned fathers is a rare and powerful thing. Other dads can become genuine co-parents when the values match.
Sports can build character or crush it — knowing when to protect your child from an environment that's gone wrong is just as important as pushing them toward competition.
The moment your adult child acknowledges you as a father is one of the most meaningful experiences of the journey — and it makes the hard years worth it.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Intro: Parenting requires constant shifting
(01:32) - Meet Kevin Button & family overview
(03:14) - Parenting across 21 years: the exhaustion and the joy
(05:31) - Generational patterns & what gets passed down
(06:36) - Kevin's childhood: divorce, stepfathers, and structure
(08:17) - Growing up without a strong father figure
(10:08) - What dads model in the small moments
(12:26) - Trevor takes the brunt of young-dad mistakes
(13:55) - The ego and the damage it does
(15:36) - Neural pathways and reverting to what you know
(17:04) - The garage meditation moment that changed everything
(18:36) - A 3-year-old's "I love you" that broke Kevin open
(20:35) - Kids love unconditionally — adults have to learn it
(22:58) - Building a fatherhood village with the Coopers
(24:01) - What aligned fatherhood friendships look like
(27:00) - Other men as fatherhood influences
(28:54) - Leo moves to North Carolina during COVID
(31:21) - What it means to trust another dad with your son
(32:47) - Sports philosophy: Trevor, basketball, and Waldorf
(36:23) - Ryland's AAU journey and knowing when to walk away
(40:34) - Shifting your approach between children
(41:51) - Boys protecting their mother — and growing up
(43:36) - The moment Trevor acknowledged Kevin as a father
(44:52) - Advice for new dads: presence above all else
(46:27) - Put the phone down. Slow time down.
(47:09) - Wrapping up: Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now

Ep 17: Find Your Tribe: A Girl Dad's Guide to Fatherhood and Evolving

Tony Cooper — Tue, 21 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

What happens when a 24-year-old decides, in the middle of Alaska, that failure is not an option?

Dustin Shephard — mortgage professional, girl dad, and North Shore of Oahu native — joins Tony Cooper for a raw conversation about becoming a father young, raising three daughters across two very different seasons of life, and what it really means to evolve as a dad. Dustin shares how a difficult childhood became the fuel that drove him to be better, why surrounding yourself with the right people changes everything, and the honest mistakes he made pushing too hard — and what he learned from them.

Key Takeaways:

There's no playbook for fatherhood — every dad is figuring it out as they go
The anger or "chip on your shoulder" that drives you early on eventually needs to evolve into something healthier
Your kids are always watching how you model work ethic, resilience, and getting back up
Being a girl dad requires learning how to motivate differently than you might motivate yourself
Community and tribe matter — the concept of ohana isn't just Hawaiian culture, it's a blueprint for fatherhood
Full custody is a gift and a responsibility — Dustin's story of dropping everything to get Grace is a defining moment
Each child gives you a new opportunity to grow — Dustin's approach to his youngest looks nothing like his approach to his eldest
Social media consumption vs. creation is a conversation every parent needs to have with their kids
Writing down your goals as a father — not just physical or financial goals — is a practice that changes your intentionality
Vulnerability with your adult children isn't weakness; it's the bridge to a new kind of relationship

This is a fatherhood podcast for dads who want to do more than just get through the day — and Dustin delivers the kind of grounded, hard-won wisdom you'll actually want to write down.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - – Intro: surround yourself with the right people
(00:30) - – Tony introduces Dustin Shephard
(01:45) - – Meet Dustin's three daughters
(03:09) - – Finding out he was going to be a dad in Alaska
(04:36) - – "Success is the only option" — the mindset shift
(05:04) - – A different childhood: parents splitting, moving out at 15
(06:30) - – The chip on the shoulder and where it came from
(07:40) - – Abandonment, letting go, and understanding his parents
(08:49) - – What he admired in his parents and what he chose to change
(09:48) - – Dad's Vietnam service, trauma, and eventual transformation
(10:06) - – A 78-year-old dad getting a second go — and thriving
(11:43) - – Ohana: what Hawaii taught him about tribe and family
(13:27) - – Bringing the ohana spirit into his kids' upbringing
(14:40) - – Getting full custody of Grace — and not waiting
(15:41) - – Extreme Ownership and pushing too hard in parenting
(17:11) - – Learning to read the room: balancing guidance and freedom
(17:36) - – Morning routines, modeling resilience, sharing highs and lows
(20:06) - – Transitioning from parent to peer with adult kids
(22:45) - – Letting your adult child tell you what they need
(29:48) - – Social media: consumption vs. creation with your kids
(33:49) - – Instilling values as the lens through which kids see the world
(38:56) - – Advice for brand new dads: tribe, intentionality, writing it down
(40:15) - – Tony closes out Round One with Dustin

Ep 16: What Your Kids Learn When You're Not Looking

Tony Cooper — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

Your kids are watching everything you do — and learning from none of what you say.

Henry Poole — creative entrepreneur, father of two grown sons, and one of the most thoughtful men Tony Cooper knows — sits down for a deep, honest conversation about what it really means to parent with intention. From discovering the emotion of anger in his 40s to forgiving his father in a therapist's office before his first son was even born, Henry's path to conscious fatherhood is unlike anything you've heard before.

Key Takeaways:

Kids learn from behavior, not words — if you tell them not to hit while hitting them, you've already lost the lesson
Anger isn't a broken emotion — it's lightning, natural and necessary, and learning to express it honestly changed Henry's entire family dynamic
Forgiving your own father before you become a father may be the single most powerful thing you can do
Overcorrecting away from your parents' style can create its own set of problems — resilience requires some rough edges
Coming from two very different cultural and religious backgrounds creates both conflict and extraordinary perspective
The "strict father / nurturing mother" archetypes are deeper than we think — and when one partner shifts, the other often follows
Seeing your child as frozen in a negative state of being actually generates that state — the way you see your child shapes who they become
Unconditional love isn't just a feeling, it's a way of seeing — and it may be the most important gift a parent can give
Being openly a work in progress in front of your kids gives them permission to be one too
The goal isn't to raise perfect kids — it's to model the kind of growth they'll carry for the rest of their live

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - – Opening: parents are always growing
(00:30) - – Tony introduces Henry Poole
(00:56) - – Meet Henry's sons: Aiden and Oliver
(01:34) - – World travel with an infant — and the "Ambassador"
(03:43) - – How Henry stays present: mind over matter on a plane
(05:15) - – Bicultural parents: Austrian mom, Oklahoman dad
(05:44) - – A preacher's son who became an atheist
(06:25) - – The challenge of different emotional cultures in one household
(07:39) - – Is parenting disagreement a problem or a gift?
(08:58) - – Learning about himself: NLP therapy and the anger discovery
(10:33) - – Was anger missing from his house, or just hidden?
(12:31) - – Anger coming out sideways — and how it showed up for the family
(13:04) - – When Henry got angry, Maria stopped being angry
(14:47) - – How Aiden experienced his dad's emotional shift
(15:35) - – The mangled tree on 4th Street Berkeley
(16:31) - – Both archetypes — strict and nurturing — need to be present
(17:45) - – What Henry would do differently — and why it still worked out
(18:29) - – Unconditional love and seeing your child as whole
(21:27) - – Henry talked to Aiden about it in real time
(22:28) - – Letting kids see you as a work in progress
(23:29) - – Henry's father: strict, reserved, and deeply loving
(26:47) - – Overcorrecting toward nurturing — and what it cost
(27:07) - – Behaving like his father the moment Aiden was born
(27:54) - – Generational trauma: the programming passes on until you break it
(29:29) - – Forgiving his father in therapy — the single most impactful act
(32:02) - – How fathers used to express love through toughening kids up
(33:52) - – Closing advice: model behavior, not words
(34:40) - – Tony closes out with Henry

Ep 15: From Classroom to Fatherhood: How Teaching Made Mike a Better Dad

Tony Cooper — Tue, 07 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

What if the best thing you can do for your kids is get out of their way?

Tony sits down with Mike Mendelson — a former high school teacher, devoted co-parent, and self-described "great dad" — for a wide-ranging conversation about raising capable, independent kids. Mike shares how teaching shaped his parenting philosophy, why the word "yet" is a game-changer, and what it really looks like to co-parent with purpose. From a near-miss mountain adventure to gut-punch moments with his son, Mike opens up about the wins, the mistakes, and the mindset shifts that have made him a better father.

Key Takeaways:

The "growth mindset" (Carol Dweck's work) is one of the most powerful frameworks a dad can bring home from the classroom
The word "yet" reframes limitation as a temporary state — and it changes everything for kids
Co-parenting well requires treating the other parent as a business partner with a shared mission: the kids' wellbeing
Having solo parenting time creates a kind of focused "full-on dad mode" that's hard to replicate otherwise
A less risk-tolerant partner provides real safety value — autonomy in parenting has a trade-off
"Parenting for independence" — modeled by Mike's own father — is about asking "how will you do this when I'm not here?"
Wait time is a tactical, teachable skill: ask a question, be silent, and let the kid find the answer
Breaking generational patterns starts with noticing the unconscious ones — like pushing a child past what's age-appropriate
Confidence in your own way of dadding matters — no one else dads exactly like you

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - – Intro & cold open
(01:08) - – Mike introduces himself as a dad and teacher
(03:06) - – The word "can't" is banned — why mindset starts at home
(05:15) - – Mike's family: co-parenting, cadence, and consistency
(07:17) - – Co-parenting as a business partnership
(08:13) - – The upside of solo parenting time — full focus, full autonomy
(11:51) - – The risk trade-off: when no co-pilot is a double-edged sword
(12:00) - – The mountain story: a near-miss and the lessons it left
(15:01) - – Mistakes that change you as a parent
(17:08) - – Mike's childhood: parents, New York roots, and a dad who built the internet
(20:02) - – "Parenting for independence" — hands behind the back, figure it out
(22:04) - – Helping vs. unlocking: how to give the smallest hint that opens the door
(23:48) - – The always-on world and why presence is harder now than ever
(25:10) - – Breaking generational patterns: catching yourself pushing too hard
(29:31) - – Bringing play into fathering — kids learn through play
(29:46) - – Gut-punch moment: "I didn't have as big a brain then, Dad"
(31:00) - – The three cycles of childhood and what each phase needs from dad
(35:38) - – Holding a stance as a dad without being locked in
(36:06) - – Closing advice: wait time, trust your instincts, you've got this

Ep 14: Apologies, Accountability, and the Art of Being an Imperfect Dad

Tony Cooper — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

He had twins at 23, no money, and no idea what he was doing…

Jeff Speer has been Tony's friend for 15 years, and this episode is one of the most honest, candid conversations The Dad Manual has had yet. Jeff opens up about becoming a father to twins right out of college during a recession, navigating the friction of two people with different upbringings raising kids together, and what it actually takes to build trust with your children over a lifetime. This is a fatherhood podcast conversation for any dad who's ever had to apologize and mean it.

Key Takeaways:

Every kid is different — even identical twins need to be parented as individuals
Leaning on your partner's strengths isn't weakness; it's smart parenting
Being emotionally transparent with your kids models accountability
The goal is to raise kids who act for themselves, not for your approval
Conflict with your kids often reveals more about you than it does about them
"Effective communicator" and "good talker" are not the same thing
Letting go of control is a skill that takes years to develop
Apologizing to your kids — and meaning it — matters more than pretending you're perfect
Working hard and staying content are not opposites; Jeff's early years are proof
Your relationship with your partner is the foundation everything else is built on

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 13: The Stepfather's Journey: Blended Families, Boundaries, and Unwavering Love

Tony Cooper — Tue, 24 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

You can be physically present every single day — and still miss everything that matters.

Evan Miller is a husband, father of two, and someone who's learned the hard way that showing up isn't enough — you have to actually be there. In this conversation, Tony and Evan explore the difference between attendance and presence, navigating stepfatherhood, raising kids who can handle real conversations, and how sobriety transformed Evan's relationship with his family. Evan also unpacks a jaw-dropping family origin story involving a 23andMe test, a baseball player, and a secret that stayed buried for four decades.

Key Takeaways:

Presence and attendance are two completely different things — and your kids know the difference.
Stepparenting adds layers of complexity that two-parent households don't face — respect that reality.
Nature plays a massive role in who your children become, regardless of your parenting environment.
Unwavering love and support doesn't mean accepting bad behavior — it means the two are never confused.
Treating your kids like capable human beings, not fragile children, builds confident, articulate adults.
Alcohol and other disconnectors rob you of time you can't get back — even when you're in the room.
Patience isn't a natural gift — it's a skill you develop, and physical exercise helps more than you think.
Letting kids experience failure, discomfort, and hard conversations is part of the job.
Your kids don't need to be shielded from the world — they need to be prepared for it.
The way you model ambition, activity, and a full life is one of the most powerful parenting tools you have.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 12: Screwing Up and Showing Up: Mike Knittel on Sobriety, Redemption, and Fatherhood

Tony Cooper — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

What happens when a dad hits rock bottom — and chooses to rebuild himself for his kids?

Mike Knittel has lived through addiction, CPS intervention, family breakdown, and a long road to sobriety — and he's come out the other side as a father his kids actually call when they need help. In this raw and honest conversation, Mike shares the moments that broke him, the choices that rebuilt him, and the lessons every dad can take away regardless of where they are in their journey.

Key Takeaways:

Sobriety fundamentally changed Mike's ability to be present — and presence matters more than perfection
Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for, but genuine apologies require open hands, not closed fists
Self-forgiveness is the hardest work of all — and the most necessary
Your kids don't need a perfect father. They need a real one
Modelling vulnerability teaches your children it's safe to be vulnerable too
Nature vs. nurture: Mike lands firmly on the side of nurture — how you show up matters
The four pillars that supported Mike's recovery: community, faith, books, and radical honesty
Parenting from anger never works — learning to step away is a skill worth developing
The goal isn't just that your kids survive your parenting — it's that they choose to call you when they're hurting
Sit on the floor. Play make-believe. Never underestimate imagination and Nerf guns.

This is one of those conversations that will stick with you — whether you're a new dad podcast listener discovering this show for the first time or a veteran father still doing the inner work.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Introduction & episode preview
(00:37) - Meet Mike Knittel
(00:49) - Mike's blended family & grandkids
(01:46) - Nature vs. nurture — where Mike stands
(03:15) - Sobriety and its impact on fatherhood
(05:30) - Victimhood, resentment & forgiving his parents
(07:09) - What life looked like before sobriety
(08:57) - CPS, heroin, and hitting rock bottom
(11:25) - How Mike began repairing with his kids
(13:30) - The open-hand apology with his daughter Madison
(16:13) - Control, anger, and character defects in parenting
(18:49) - Self-forgiveness: the hardest and most necessary work
(23:14) - The books that changed his perspective
(25:55) - Reconnecting to the inner child through grandkids
(26:24) - What shaped Mike's ideas about fatherhood growing up
(28:16) - The birth of his firstborn, Gabe
(32:07) - Raising his boys as a single dad with his brother
(34:46) - The parenting moment that changed everything with his son
(38:26) - Cassie's influence and open communication as a skill
(41:20) - Memorable screw-ups and what he learned
(43:51) - Parenting from anger — and learning not to
(47:14) - What kids absorb when you're not trying to teach them
(49:19) - Hopes for his adult children
(51:27) - What Mike wants his kids to remember
(52:13) - Advice for new dads: sit on the floor, bring the Nerf guns
(54:36) - Final words and wrap-up

Ep 11: Co-Parenting as a Superpower: Raising Kids Through Conscious Separation

Tony Cooper — Tue, 10 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

Your kid isn't just testing your patience — they're revealing everything you still need to heal.

Shane Metcalf is a father who made a decision most dads never do: to do the deep inner work before the hard moments arrived. His daughter Ava is almost six, and Shane hasn't yelled at her once. Not because she's an easy kid — she's strong-willed, irrational, and negotiates like a seasoned attorney — but because Shane made an internal decision rooted in years of personal growth, therapy, and a clear-eyed look at the cycles he wanted to break.

In this conversation with host Tony Cooper, Shane opens up about growing up in a household full of verbal anger, what it took to consciously choose a different path, and how co-parenting after divorce can actually become one of the most powerful gifts you give your child. He shares the thought experiments he uses when frustration peaks, the philosophy behind gentle-but-boundaried parenting, and why roughhousing with your daughter matters just as much as with your son.

This is an honest, raw, and deeply practical conversation for any dad serious about showing up differently.

Key Takeaways:

The relationship you build with your child now — at 5 or 6 — directly shapes the trust they'll have in you at 16 and 36.
Your child's triggers are a mirror for your own unhealed wounds. That's the gift, not the inconvenience.
Yelling doesn't work. The Inuit understood it — when you raise your voice, kids stop listening and stop trusting.
Breaking generational cycles is one of the greatest things a father can do. Shane's dad broke physical abuse. Shane broke verbal anger.
Co-parenting done right — with shared values and mutual respect — can be one of the most functional family structures available.
Use the "last day" thought experiment: imagine this is your final day with your child, and watch how fast the frustration dissolves.
The "love bank" concept applies to your relationship with your partner just as much as with your kids — make more deposits than withdrawals.
Seven-year cycles shape child development. The next phase (7–14) is emotional — prepare for it intentionally.
Nature matters, but nurture is where you have power: attachment, physical play, repair, and actually listening to big feelings.
Roughhouse with your kids — boys and girls. Physical play is foundational for embodiment and connection.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Shane's opening moment of fatherhood
(01:19) - Crushing it as a dad — Shane's honest take
(03:06) - Building a lifelong friendship with your kid
(04:36) - Parenting reveals your shadows
(07:37) - Healthy masculinity vs. force and anger
(08:53) - Revisiting childhood through your child
(10:22) - Breaking the cycle: dental care and swimming
(11:36) - Growing up with verbal abuse
(12:31) - The internal decision to never yell
(14:19) - Learning from the Inuit approach
(16:26) - The relationship breakdown and co-parenting
(18:22) - Rebuilding love and trust after divorce
(20:17) - Intentional separation — a different approach
(22:15) - The nesting model and the 2-2-5-5 schedule
(25:19) - Relationship as a cauldron of transformation
(28:34) - One-on-one time: co-parenting's hidden gift
(30:14) - Loving a child into existence
(32:18) - The "last day" thought experiment
(35:57) - The next seven-year cycle: adding boundaries
(39:11) - Nature vs. nurture and your child's true self
(41:30) - Holding space while pushing comfort zones
(43:14) - Roughhousing with girls — why it matters
(45:35) - Kids are here to raise us
(45:59) - Advice for new dads: worship the ground she walks on
(47:22) - Don't let the marriage slip into sexlessness
(48:17) - Trust the process, enjoy the ride

Ep 10: Before the Baby Arrives: Real Talk From a Soon-to-Be Father

Tony Cooper — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0800

What does it look like to become a father through the windshield — not the rearview mirror?

Tony Cooper sits down with Brad Barnes, a transformational trainer and dad-to-be at 12 weeks, for a conversation unlike any other on this fatherhood podcast. Brad shares the raw, unfiltered experience of stepping into fatherhood for the second time — carrying the grief of a pregnancy loss, the wisdom of a decade of personal growth, and a fierce commitment to showing up differently. This is fatherhood in real time, not in hindsight.

Key Takeaways:

Choosing your partner is also choosing to become a dad — and that decision carries enormous weight
Grief from pregnancy loss doesn't fully "heal," but it can become a source of meaning and forward motion
The gap between who you are today and who you need to be as a father is something you can close — intentionally
At 24, Brad exploded his life overnight when he found out he was going to be a dad. At 33, nothing needed to change. That's what a decade of inner work looks like.
Generational patterns can't all be interrupted consciously — but the tools you carry into parenthood matter more than perfection
The ego gets tested like nowhere else in fatherhood. Brad is already feeling it during his wife's pregnancy.
"Better than my dad" is a ceiling, not a destination. Real growth means crafting the father you are meant to be.
Vulnerability with your partner — especially about your fears around fatherhood — can open unexpected doors
Giving yourself permission to fall, ask for support, and be a mess is not weakness. It's the foundation of conscious parenting.
Fatherhood is the number one course on the planet. There's no way to do it right — and no way to not fail. That's the gift.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Brad's story begins
(02:31) - Finding out they're expecting
(04:23) - The first fear: grief from pregnancy loss
(07:34) - The "angel baby" concept and healing
(10:35) - Tony's own angel baby story
(13:18) - What no one tells you about pregnancy loss
(15:35) - The night they conceived — a vulnerable conversation
(19:34) - Through the windshield, not the rearview mirror
(20:23) - At 24 vs. 33: exploding your life or staying the course
(24:51) - Financial fears and the gap from zero to two kids
(27:05) - Brad's upbringing and relationship with his dad
(33:29) - "Better than my dad" is a ceiling, not a destination
(37:22) - Why interrupting every pattern is impossible — and that's OK
(40:51) - Fatherhood is the number one course on the planet
(44:02) - Staying present during the pregnancy
(45:07) - Advice to himself: permission to fall
(46:33) - The time capsule gift of documenting this journey

Ep 9: Being a Girl Dad: Modeling Manhood When Daughters Are Watching

Tony Cooper — Tue, 24 Feb 2026 05:00:00 -0800

Tony Cooper sits down with friend and fellow dad Aaron Pava for a deeply personal conversation about the fatherhood he inherited and the father he's working to become. From growing up between a strict stepfather and a hands-off biological dad — with no clear middle way — to proudly identifying as a girl dad, Tony reflects with honesty and vulnerability on the patterns that shaped him and the practices that continue to sharpen him. This is The Dad Manual getting real about the man behind the mic.

Key Takeaways:

Growing up with two extreme parenting models — one overly strict, one completely hands-off — can leave you without a template for the middle way.
Being a girl dad carries a specific responsibility: modeling what integrity and uprightness look like for young women navigating the world.
Anger in parenting often has deep roots — knowing where it comes from is the first step toward managing it.
Men's groups that do real, honest, challenging work are one of the most powerful tools available to fathers seeking to grow.
The family dinner table, when it's consistent, becomes one of the most underrated rituals in a child's sense of security.
Kids don't always need your attention on them — watching parents work together toward something meaningful is its own powerful form of modeling.
Regret can be reframed: time spent building something alongside your children, even when the focus isn't on them, has lasting value.
Direct, vulnerable conversations with your kids about how your behavior affects them are rare and important — and often overdue.
Personal growth work — workshops, transformational courses, self-reflection — compounds directly into better parenting over time.
The patterns we inherit aren't destiny. Awareness, community, and consistent small rituals are how we write new ones.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 8: Break the Bad, Pass on the Good: Second Chances at Fatherhood with Paul Crawford

Tony Cooper — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 04:00:00 -0800

Breaking cycles and building bonds across two families and thirty years.

Paul Crawford raised four children across two marriages and now brings grandfather wisdom to modern parenting challenges. From becoming a father at 29 while in grad school to navigating divorce, strained relationships, and ultimately reconnecting with his adult children, Paul shares raw insights about intergenerational trauma and conscious healing. This parenting podcast explores attachment theory, the critical importance of unconditional love, and how sometimes the best thing you can do for your kids is work on your relationship with your partner. Whether you're a new dad or navigating complex family dynamics, Paul's journey offers perspective on breaking bad patterns and passing on the good.

Key Takeaways:

Intergenerational trauma works itself out through you as a parent
The first two years establish whether children trust their caregivers
Working on your partnership is one of the best things you can do for your kids
Grandparenting offers a second chance to apply hard-won wisdom
Breaking cycles requires awareness of both good and bad impulses
Allowing kids to fail teaches resilience and problem-solving
Reconnection with estranged children is possible through patience
Managing emotions during conflict creates better outcomes than winning arguments
The biological bond with grandchildren is powerful and immediate
New fathers should embrace good impulses while staying aware of inherited trauma

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - Introduction and Paul's background
(02:07) - Becoming a dad at 29
(03:38) - Divorce and co-parenting challenges
(06:12) - When his son moved back in
(12:38) - Getting remarried and blending families
(18:25) - Tension between old and new families
(22:14) - Letting kids fail builds resilience
(28:42) - Managing conflict without winning
(34:16) - Working on your partnership first
(38:50) - Why the first two years matter
(42:20) - Becoming a grandfather to twins
(46:53) - Attachment theory and unconditional love
(52:08) - Advice for brand new fathers
(57:01) - Breaking cycles and passing on wisdom

Ep 7: Fatherhood Through Cancer, Grief, and a Child's Transition

Tony Cooper — Tue, 27 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

Parenting doesn't follow a script, and sometimes life throws you every curveball imaginable.

Danny Cooper shares his raw, honest journey of raising his child Sari while navigating his wife Emily's decade-long battle with breast cancer that began when Sari was just three months old. From aggressive chemotherapy and stem cell transplants to ultimately losing Emily when Sari was 10, Danny had to step into both parental roles while dealing with his own grief. Years later, Sari came out as transgender, transitioning from female to male at age 26. Danny opens up about the emotional complexity of celebrating his child's happiness while grieving the daughter he thought he had, and what it means to reprogram yourself as a father when your child's identity shifts. This conversation explores resilience, unconditional love, and showing up for your kids no matter what life brings.

Key Takeaways:

How to be present for your child during a partner's terminal illness
Balancing work demands with being there for critical family moments
Teaching kids self-reliance while providing unwavering support
Processing grief as a parent while keeping your child stable
Supporting a child through gender transition as an adult
The psychological process of accepting your child's new identity
Creating safety and unconditional love in single parenting
Instilling values like empathy, work ethic, and kindness through adversity
Why being hands-on from birth matters for long-term connection
Choosing your child over work when it truly matters

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

(00:00) - - Introduction
(01:35) - - Meeting Sari and early parenthood
(03:45) - - Emily's breast cancer diagnosis
(07:20) - - Aggressive treatments and survival
(11:45) - - Being a dad during medical crisis
(15:30) - - Emily's passing when Sari was 10
(19:15) - - Single fatherhood and stepping up
(23:40) - - Sari's gender transition at 26
(27:50) - - Grieving the daughter you thought you had
(32:10) - - Becoming a boy dad unexpectedly
(36:25) - - Values and principles for raising kids
(40:15) - - Hopes and dreams for Sari's future
(43:50) - - Advice for brand new fathers

Ep 6: Sports, Character, and Growing Up: A Father's Journey with His Son

Tony Cooper — Tue, 13 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

When your teenager starts reflecting your own traits back at you, parenting gets real

Michael Guidotti shares his journey raising 13-year-old Donovan, a remarkable young man who chooses family time over friends and stands firm when his character gets attacked. From sports bonding and travel adventures to navigating split households and teenage development, Michael reveals how authentic parenting means paving your own path while staying open to feedback. This fatherhood podcast explores the beautiful complexity of watching your child develop their identity while seeing yourself reflected in their choices.

Key Takeaways:

Start becoming a parent before the baby arrives
Kids mirror our behaviors more than we realize
Character matters more than popularity to some teens
Family-oriented values can emerge naturally in children
Teenage identity development requires support, not control
Sports create powerful bonding opportunities between fathers and sons
Split households can still raise well-adjusted, family-focused kids
Confidence in your parenting path is essential
Mistakes are inevitable and valuable in the parenting journey
Character attacks hurt deeply when integrity matters to your child

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 5: Co-Parenting with Intention: Building a Better Legacy for Sons

Tony Cooper — Tue, 30 Dec 2025 06:00:00 -0800

When one positive pregnancy test changes everything, transformation becomes inevitable.

Diego Kuri's life shifted the moment he discovered he was becoming a father. From addressing his relationship with alcohol to breaking cycles of rage and anxiety, Diego shares how fatherhood pushed him toward becoming his best self. Now co-parenting two strong-willed boys in Miami, he's navigating the balance between nature and nurture, breaking generational patterns, and creating a legacy of presence and unconditional love. This conversation explores the inner work required to show up authentically for your children.

Key Takeaways:

Discovering fatherhood can trigger immediate personal transformation
Leading by example is the most powerful parenting tool
Breaking generational trauma is the greatest legacy we can leave
Co-parenting requires flexibility, communication, and shared values
Strong personalities in children reflect opportunities for self-awareness
Inner work before crisis prevents future disconnection with kids
Nature shapes who children are, but values guide how they navigate life
Presence and unconditional love matter more than perfection
Small moments of joy often become the most treasured memories
Starting therapy or self-work early creates healthier parent-child relationships

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 4: Aggression and Masculinity in Parenting with Circling Founder Guy Sengstock

Tony Cooper — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 04:00:00 -0800

What happens when a master of human connection realizes he's barely talked about his most important role?

Guy Sengstock, co-founder of Circling and dialogical practices expert, joins me to explore the implicit nature of fatherhood. With a 22-year-old son and a 4-year-old, Guy shares raw insights on the wonder of witnessing consciousness emerge, the profound regret of signing away proximity to his eldest, and why aggression needs socialization, not suppression. We discuss how fathers teach most powerfully when they're not trying, the cosmological significance of rough-and-tumble play, and what it means to midwife young beings into self-awareness.

Key Takeaways:

Why parenting happens most powerfully in implicit, unplanned moments
The respect and otherness experienced during childbirth
How physical play socializes healthy masculine aggression
The deep regret of allowing distance from your child
What it means to be present with wonder as a father
How perspective becomes a father's greatest gift
Why ending generational trauma matters more than legacy
The importance of being fully present at birth and beyond

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 3: Everything I Learned as a Girl Dad - Raising Daughters with Tony Elliott

Tony Cooper — Tue, 02 Dec 2025 04:00:00 -0800

Tony Elliott shares his journey raising two daughters through the lens of game styles, Love & Logic principles, and real-world trial and error. From tea parties to state championships, discover how understanding biological styles under pressure transforms parenting. Tony opens up about being harder on daughters versus sons, navigating different game styles between siblings, and why supporting the mother is the single most important job for any new dad. Whether you're a new dad podcast listener or raising teenagers, this conversation offers wisdom earned through decades of fatherhood.

Key Takeaways:

How Love & Logic consequences with empathy shaped parenting decisions
Understanding your child's biological game style reduces conflict
Girl dads experience unexpected fulfillment in father-daughter relationships
Supporting the mother is the primary job for new fathers
You don't need all the answers right now—solve one problem at a time
Being present at every event matters more than you realize
Different game styles require different parenting approaches
Sleep deprivation is the first problem to solve together
Your job transitions from provider to supporter as kids grow
The joy in their accomplishments surpasses any personal achievement

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 2: Parenting Through Teasing, Trust, and One Thousand Tiny Conversations

Tony Cooper — Tue, 18 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0800

This week on The Dad Manual, I’ve invited my friend Adam Hibble, father to 16-year-old Maya, to share his unconventional approach to modern fatherhood that began before pregnancy: a vision statement that evolved through playful teasing, open-ended questions, and countless short conversations. Adam reveals how his parenting style emerged from his own father's listening-first approach and the community of men around him. He opens up about the mistakes he made—including inadvertently limiting his daughter's emotional expression—and how he's worked to heal his own childhood wounds to break generational cycles. This parenting podcast explores the balance between fun and boundaries, the importance of apologizing when jokes don't land, and why being a dad means constantly learning on the job. Maya's confidence and emotional intelligence stand as testament to the power of being present, patient, and willing to do the hard work of self-reflection.

Key Takeaways:

Create a parenting vision statement with your partner before your child arrives
Model the ability to apologize when your attempts at humor or discipline don't land well
Ask yourself "What would I have wanted at this age?" to guide your parenting decisions
Focus on 1,000 short conversations rather than a few long, heavy talks
Heal your own childhood wounds before trying to instill values you don't embody yourself
Use playful teasing strategically to build resilience and humor in your children
Practice listening more than talking and asking open-ended questions
Allow children to express emotions without needing to categorize or justify them
Take care of yourself first so you can better care for your family
Remember that parenting is learn-as-you-go; you don't need all the answers upfront

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to thedadmanual@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Ep 1: They're Not As Fragile As You Think: Real Talk About Modern Fatherhood

Tony Cooper — Tue, 04 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0800

Parenthood isn't about perfection—it's about showing up, opening up, and caring deeply.

Rodrigo Lagos shares his transformation into a sports dad and how driving his 16-year-old daughter Willow to volleyball created unexpected moments of connection. He discusses navigating the teenage years with authenticity, supporting his son Drake's passion for archery and robotics, and why vulnerability strengthens father-child relationships. This parenting podcast explores the power of family rituals, from their annual Lago Summer Kickoff Event to holiday cooking traditions, and offers wisdom on building resilience through consistent care.

Key Takeaways:

Sports involvement creates natural conversation opportunities with teenagers
Kids are more resilient than we think when we show up for them
Family rituals evolve as children grow and contribute their own ideas
Vulnerability and apologizing to your kids builds deeper trust
Opening up to your children happens earlier than most fathers expect
Screen-free time in the car offers valuable connection windows
Physical exhaustion after sports helps kids be more present
Letting kids participate fully in family life teaches ownership

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, please like and subscribe. If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Welcome to The Dad Manual

Tony Cooper — Sat, 25 Oct 2025 14:17:46 -0700