William James started the split: I as the knower, the pure subject of consciousness; Me as the known, the self that can be observed—my body, my history, my reputation, my roles. George Herbert Mead later turned this into a dance floor: I is spontaneous, unpredictable, creative response; Me is the social mirror, the internalised chorus of others telling us who we are supposed to be. 

So what’s the space between them? It’s not a gap you could drop a coin through. It’s more like the tension in a bowstring. On one side, I pulls toward raw immediacy: breath, impulse, spark. On the other, Me holds the shape, keeps the pattern recognisable. Together they generate the music of identity. Too much Me and you ossify into a statue of expectations. Too much I and you’re pure chaos, a fire with no hearth. 

The space itself is liminal, a threshold, rehearsal hall, dream corridor. It’s where improvisation happens. Imagine jazz: the Me is the chord progression, the agreed key; the I is the solo riffing over the structure. The in-between is the groove where they entwine. 

In coaching or soulcrafting terms, that space is fertile. It’s where someone can step back, see the “Me” they’ve been living as a script, and then let the “I” improvise a new line. Presence lives there. Choice lives there. The mythic imagination wakes up there because you are no longer fully trapped in the character nor dissolved into pure subject, but able to author between them. 

Exploring that space is like learning to lucid dream while awake, when you realise you are both the dreamer and the dreamed, the actor and the playwright, always in motion.

Which would you choose?

Ultimately, embracing our authentic core selves requires courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront our fears and insecurities. As we learn to integrate our various personas with our true selves, we can cultivate a more harmonious, balanced sense of identity. This integration not only benefits our personal well-being but also enriches our relationships and interactions with others, fostering greater understanding, empathy, and connection.

In the pursuit of authenticity, we must remember that the journey is as important as the destination. Each step we take towards understanding and accepting our true selves contributes to our growth and self-awareness. By embracing the complexity and fluidity of our identities, we can navigate the challenges and uncertainties of life with resilience, self-assurance, and a deeper connection to our innermost selves.

I would post them, but I want you to listen to the episode instead. I know you're a busy person, so I'll be kind and share a stripped down list of what I talk about in this episode.

It's a long episode, so you might want to listen to it on your commute or while you're out walking or doing your chores!

Here's what I talk about today:

Some factors that are commonly associated with happiness include:

1. Positive relationships with family, friends, and significant others.
2. A sense of purpose or meaning in life.
3. The ability to manage stress and cope with challenges effectively.
4. Regular physical exercise and a healthy lifestyle.
5. A sense of gratitude and appreciation for what one has.
6. Pursuing activities that bring joy and fulfilment.
7. A sense of accomplishment and achievement.
8. A positive outlook and attitude towards life.
9. Helping others and contributing to society.
10. Financial stability and security.

For the details, you have to listen to the episode, so go ahead and click that play button now!

Excellence and Wisdom,
Clay

When setting out to achieve a big goal, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that bigger is better. However, sometimes it's better to think small. In fact, thinking small can actually be the key to achieving a big goal. Here are some reasons why:

1. 
   Small steps are easier to take: When you break down a big goal into smaller steps, it becomes much easier to take action. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the task at hand, you can focus on taking one small step at a time. This can help you to build momentum and stay motivated.
2. Small steps lead to big progress: When you focus on taking small steps, you'll start to see progress more quickly. Each small step you take brings you closer to your goal, and this progress can be very motivating. Small steps may seem insignificant on their own, but when you add them up over time, they can lead to big changes.
3. Small steps help you learn: When you take small steps, you have the opportunity to learn along the way. You can experiment with different approaches and see what works best for you. This can help you to refine your strategy and make progress more efficiently.
4. Small steps are more sustainable: When you try to achieve a big goal all at once, you risk burning out quickly. However, when you focus on taking small steps, you can make progress without getting overwhelmed. This can help you to stay motivated and avoid giving up on your goal.
5. Small steps help you celebrate success: When you achieve a big goal, it can be hard to celebrate because it feels like such a huge accomplishment. However, when you break your goal down into smaller steps, you can celebrate each small success along the way. This can help you to stay motivated and feel a sense of accomplishment throughout the journey.

Bottom line is if you have a big goal in mind, don't be afraid to think small and take one step at a time.

Both holistic living and systems thinking recognize that everything is interconnected. In holistic living, this means taking care of your mind, body, and spirit, as well as your relationships and environment, in order to achieve balance and harmony. In systems thinking, this means looking at how different elements in a system interact with one another and how changes in one area can affect the entire system.

Both holistic living and systems thinking require a shift in perspective. Holistic living involves seeing yourself as a whole person and recognizing the impact that different aspects of your life have on one another. Systems thinking involves looking at problems or situations from a broader perspective and understanding the complex relationships between different elements in a system.

However, there are also some differences between holistic living and systems thinking. Holistic living is a lifestyle that involves making intentional choices about how you care for yourself and your environment. Systems thinking, on the other hand, is a problem-solving approach that can be applied to a wide range of issues, from environmental sustainability to healthcare to business management.

In addition, while holistic living focuses on the individual, systems thinking can be applied to any level of analysis, from the micro-level of individual interactions to the macro-level of global systems. Systems thinking can also involve a more analytical and data-driven approach, while holistic living is often more focused on intuition, self-awareness, and personal growth.

Overall, both holistic living and systems thinking share a recognition of the interconnectedness of all things and a commitment to creating balance and harmony. While holistic living focuses on the individual and involves making intentional choices about how to care for yourself and your environment, systems thinking is a problem-solving approach that can be applied to a wide range of issues and levels of analysis. Both are valuable perspectives for navigating a complex and interconnected world!

Excellence and Wisdom,
Clay

A morning routine is a set of habits or practices that we do each morning before we begin our day. It can be as simple or as elaborate as we want it to be. What is important is that it is consistent and intentional. A morning routine can help us to start our day with purpose, energy, and clarity.

For me, my morning routine is an essential part of my daily life. I wake up roughly 5AM everyday and spend an hour reading, contemplating, and/or writing. Then I spend about an hour in the gym. After the gym, I try to squeeze in a 10 - 20 minute meditation session.

What I love about my morning routine is that it sets the tone for my entire day. By starting my day with practices that nourish my mind, body, and spirit, I am more centered and focused throughout the day. I find that I am better able to handle the stresses and challenges that come my way.

Of course, everyone's morning routine will look different. What works for me may not work for you. However, I encourage you to experiment with different practices and find what feels right for you. Some people may prefer to start their day with a cup of tea or coffee and some quiet time, while others may enjoy a vigorous workout or a hearty breakfast.

The key is to find practices that bring you joy and help you to connect with your inner self. It can be helpful to start small and gradually build up to a more elaborate routine. Even just a few minutes of meditation or stretching each morning can make a big difference in how you feel throughout the day.

If you start your day with intention and purpose, you're better able to meet the challenges and stresses of the day. Plus it's good for your overall wellbeing.

Excellence and Wisdom,
Clay

Logical Levels are a way of looking at how different aspects of our lives are interconnected and how they can influence one another.

Click here to see the full microlearning post.

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”

The thing about emotions is that as kids we were never really taught how to handle the beasts. Instead of learning how to deal with our emotions, we were taught to suppress them. If we got angry, our parents or teachers told us to calm down. As a male in my household I wasn't allowed to cry...the whole men don't cry was a real thing in my household. Crying just brought more punishment. 

We weren't taught that emotions are useful and beneficial to us and by expressing them we can learn more about our authentic selves. 

emotional intelligence teaches us how to recognise and respond to our emotions both toward ourselves and others. 

Take anger for instance. If you're seeing the red mist of anger and you're about to explode someone telling you to calm down isn't much use. 

A better way to go about it is to ask yourself is there another way to interpret the situation that's triggering you? This can also buy you some distance from the situation and make it less personal. 

To give yourself some more options you can ask yourself what would (think of someone you respect) do in this situation? How would they respond?

Doing those two things alone will naturally disperse some of the anger giving you time to decide if anger is the most useful response given the situation. 

Anger often gets a bad rap, but don't forget anger does have its benefits. Anger:

Energises us
Motivated us to solve problems
Drives us toward our goals
Protects our values and beliefs
Pushes us to reach deeper into ourselves 

To name a few of the benefits. 

You can use the above framework on any emotion. My go-to response to an emotionally charged situation is to ask myself: 

Given the situation, what is the most useful emotion to help me achieve the outcome I want?

Crossing the border into existential territory on this one. Join me.

Points of Reference

Transpersonal Dynamics: the relational field, depth work, and the unconscious - Stacey Millichamp
The Hero with a Thousand Faces - Joseph Campbell
That Which You Are Seeking is Causing You to Seek - Cheri Huber

What do you need to unlearn or what patterns do you need to break in order to manifest the future you really want?

It's from Patricia Adson's book, Deep Coaching: Discovering Archetypes for Empowerment, Growth, and Balance.

I've been getting the ship ready for another voyage into the murky waters of the unconscious mind in search of the "I" that is my True Self.

I've sailed these seas in various forms in the past and now I'm ready for another inner adventure.

This time I'm using as my guide, Roberto Assagioli and his work on psychosynthesis. 

The show notes are a little light today because I feel it's easier for me to explain the Egg of Being verbally rather than in writing. Here's the model I'll be talking about in the Notes:

cover art: jaci XIII

I've read somewhere that we are born with only two fears...the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned.

And what that means to me is, if you can learn a fear, you can unlearn a fear as well.

I think the first step in that is to uncover your fears. In what ways does fear show up in your life?

What is fear? I like the acronym version: FEAR...False Evidence Appearing Real...

Don't get me wrong, fear is a useful device. It's part of our survival mechanism where we are able to image a future event, war-game it in our minds...imagining the worse-case scenarios, experiencing that awful sensation of fear in the present as if the event is happening now so that we can motivate ourselves to take some action in the present that will prevent the worst-case scenario from happening.

The thing is though, the experience of fear can be so powerful that it stops us dead in our tracks. And instead of using fear as it is meant to be used...as a warning sign to get ourselves in the best, most resourceful state, so that we can do what we need to do to be prepared to handle or avoid the worst-case scenario. Instead, we have a tendency to use fear as a stop sign and do nothing, take no action toward the future event.

For example, let's say you have a big presentation coming up in a few weeks' time, but you hate speaking in front of groups...especially large groups. Immediately, your fear factor kicks in and you start to feel anxious and nervous just thinking about having to stand up in front of all those people.

What's happening here is you're imagining the worst-case scenario and your body is reacting as if it's actually happening now, when in fact, it's all in your mind.

The good news is, you can change the pattern by imaging how you want it to turn. Imagine the best-case scenario and watch your body respond as if the best-case scenario is happening now in the present. 

The BIG secret here is that both scenarios are happening in your imagination. The events are not yet real because they haven't happened yet, bid our bodies are responding as if the event happening in the present moment.

As it is happening in your imagination, you can control the narrative and focus on the best-case scenario - what will you see, what will you hear, what will you feel. Harness the positive vibes and use them to focus on getting yourself prepared.

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Use your imagination as a force for good.

Acknowledge the worst-case scenario, but don't dwell on it. See it for what it is...a warning sign...warning you to take the necessary action to make sure the worst-case scenario doesn't happen and if does, that you have a contingency plan to deal with it. 

Now refocus on the outcome you do want to happen and then do the necessary work to make sure you are positioned to get the best result you can.

Personally, I'm inclined to go with the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi which is concept that:

The Principles of Wabi-Sabi:

1. Through acceptance, you find freedom; out of acceptance, you find growth. To resist this is to suffer.
2. All things in life, including you, are in an imperfect state of flux, so strive not for perfection, but for excellence instead.
3. Appreciate the beauty of all things, especially the great beauty that hides beneath the surface of what seems to be broken.
4. Slow and simple, is the only way to feel the joy of what it means to be alive.
5. To be content exactly where you are with all that you already have is to be happy.

Hat Tip: Omar Itani

--

I often tell the story of Gen. Grant and the siege of Vicksburg.

Vicksburg was a strategic city on the Mississippi River during the Civil War. He who commanded Vicksburg commanded the Mississippi River and the supplies traveling up and down it.

All of the Union generals before Grant had failed to take Vicksburg. The Grant came along. He was known for doing things differently. He didn't play according to the standard war-fighting playbook.  Warfighting at the time was heavily dependent on having clear lines of supply. Your army lived or died on its lines of supply.

To take Vicksburg, Grant did something crazy. He cut his own lines of supply. For him, the armies had gotten too dependent on them. They could have all other military advantages but if the lines of supply were not clear or cut, then the military sound thing to do at the time was fall back, regroup, reestablish your supply lines.

Grant said, the heck with that. We're taking Vicksburg without being tethered to cumbersome and vulnerable lines of supply. The land would provide all his Army needed. 

For him Grant, it was Vicksburg or die! He fused to be forced into a Plan B if his supply lines were cut, which the South and their cavalry were good at doing.

No Plan B. 

Reminds me of another one of my favorite generals. The famous Carthaginian general, general Hannibal. He was determined he was going to attack Rome by land instead of the sea. To do that, he had taken his famed and feared war elephants through the Alps. His generals said it couldn't be done, to which General Hannibal famously said:

"We will with find a way, or make one!"

I love that.

I say all of that to say, our approach to obtaining our dream goals should have that same tenacity. 

Often we don't. We have a Plan B. We say to ourselves, well if this doesn't work out, I can always do X. If I set up this business and it doesn't work out, I can always go back employed and find another job.

Don't give yourself the out. If you do, in the back of your mind, you'll be thinking you always have the option to quit and go back to doing your old thing. Instead, be like Grant and Hannibal. Find a way or make one, no Plan B. There's no going back. Victory or death! Ok, that may be a little extreme in the case of everyday business. But you get my point.

Don't give yourself an easy option out. Your dreams are worth more than that!

Go all in or don't go in at all.

So you know how when you have this big dream that you want to accomplish. In your heart, you want it so bad. You want it so bad you can taste it.

But your head has other ideas.

In your head, you start hearing what you think is the voice of reason telling you all of the reasons why now is not the time to pursue this dream.

You know the reasons, classics like:

But what if I do this and it goes horribly wrong? I could lose everything I’ve worked so hard for, and at my age, I can’t risk starting over from the beginning again. I’m too long in the tooth for that.

Or how about this one: 

I need more information.

I need more money.

I need more time, 

I need more data.

I need more merit badges that prove I’m worthy.

And the list goes on.

Or how about this sneaky one:

I’m not 100% sure what is it I want to do or where I want to be, so let me just hold off not rush into things, and see what happens

These all sound like reasonable things to do but what’s insidious about them is that they cause it to take no REAL action towards pursuing your dream.

You give in to the voice of excuse.

And I know you’ll come back at me and say, but no really, these are valid reasons.

And you’re right, they are. And that’s what is so insidious about them; they are excuses masquerading around as reasons.

In order to make something happen, have to take action

What’s really going on here is our need for certainty. We are hardwired to seek certainty. You want to know if you take ‘X’ action, you’re going to get ‘Y’ result. You want to know if you do this thing, it will be successful.

The thing is unless you’re some kind of psychic who can predict the future with 100% certainty, you’ll never know if the thing you’re going to do is going to be successful.

You have to take the risk of action. The only way you’ll know for certain is to take the action. Get a result. Then respond to the result you get. If it doesn't work out, try something different. If it works out, good, on to the next thing.

So, the next time you stop yourself from actively pursuing your dream because your voice of reason told you now is not the time, challenge that voice and make sure it’s not the voice of excuse pretending to be the voice of reason.

Even after 20 years in the game, I still have moments of doubt and feel the cold hand of despair squeezing my heart.

Fortunately, I'm prepared for these moments.

You see, I hold this mindset, this belief, this confidence that I know what to do when I don't know what to do.

I love the concept: of knowing what to do when you don't know what to do.

And it all stems from having a compelling vision, something that inspires me, that motivates me, that demands of me to keep going even when I'm unsure of where I'm at.

A compelling vision helps you re-orient.

I'm laughing to myself right now because I just remembered as a young infantry lieutenant the worse thing you could do out in the field was be lost. So we would say, I'm not lost; I just don't know where I am. 

I liken a compelling vision to magnetic north.

When you take out a compass, regardless of where you are, the needle will always point north. You can use this, along with your map, to reorient yourself and get back on track. 

A compelling vision helps keep you on track. When you don't know what to do, revisit your vision, remind yourself of why you do what you do and what is that you want to bring into the world.

Let your vision be your magnetic north, and you'll know what you need to do next to get back on track.

Which reminds me, it's so easy to get caught up in the day to grind and lose sight of the big picture. Therefore, a good habit to get into is periodical, every other day or two, to revisit your vision, check your map (plan), and make sure you're still on track. Feel that magnetic pull toward your ultimate goal: seeing your vision brought to fruition.

So that’s what I did. And I brought my audio recorder along to capture the flow of my thoughts.

This week has started off quite reflective for me. During my morning reading period, I couldn’t concentrate. All of the stuff that has been percolating in my head this past week was now ready to surface. And so I got dressed and headed out in to the back garden to let it come.

I captured some of my thoughts on tape for the Coach’s Notes. There are still a few things to unpack, but now I need to roll on with the day.

Take care,
Clay

In this episode of the Coach's Notes, I recap on the practice and what led me back to it.

I'm a big fan of behavioral style profiles and personality tests. I think they're a great place for you to start your self-development journey. Tests like these give you a basic insight into your underlying motivations and behavioral style preferences.

And this goes a long way in heightening your self-awareness. As the saying goes, that which you are aware of you can control, that which you are unaware of controls you!

Over the Easter break, I took some time out to do a little self-development using the Big 5 Personality Test. In the video, I'll tell you what led me here and what I found.

In a nutshell, the Big Five personality test measures the five personality factors that psychologists have determined are core to our personality makeup. The Five Factors of personality are:

• Openness - How open a person is to new ideas and experiences
• Conscientiousness - How goal-directed, persistent, and organized a person is
• Extraversion - How much a person is energized by the outside world
• Agreeableness - How much a person puts others' interests and needs ahead of their own
• Neuroticism - How sensitive a person is to stress and negative emotional triggers

In the video, I share my results with you. For the most part, I wasn't too surprised how are scored in the Big 5, but what did surprise me was some of the personality patterns the test revealed.

I'm going to have to spend some time unpacking those.

I said I'd share my full report with, so here it is. If you do decide to take the test, you can take it for free here.

Let me know how you get on.

You can follow this link and listen to the episode or find me on Apple Podcasts and subscribe and have The Coach's Notes delivered straight to you. Search: The Coach's Notes.

Be honest…if I asked you right now what are your authentic core values, could you rattle them off without hesitation?

Could you tell me how you arrived at the core values you hold? And could you tell me how you use them to navigate your daily decisions?

The truth is, most people can’t. Sure, we have an intrinsic idea about the values we hold, but do we know them explicitly, in other words, can you really articulate them, and do you know how they play out in your day to day life.

What are core values anyway?

A simple definition: your core values are the fundamental beliefs you hold as centrally important to your life and well-being. They are the guiding principles that dictate your behaviour and they help you understand the difference between right and wrong within the context of your life.

There are several reasons why it’s important to explicitly name your authentic core values:

1. They help guide your life toward more noble goals rather than self-serving motives, bad habits, impulses or accidental occurrences.
2. They inspire you to live a more meaningful life.
3. When you live up to your core values, it boosts your self-esteem.
4. Vaguely knowing your values causes you more stress and sets the conditions for you to lose your way a lot in life.

3 Useful Similies

I picked these up from Marc Alan Schelske. In his book, Discovering Your Authentic Core Values, he likens authentic core values to a compass, a water filter, and a homing pigeon.

Like a compass, your core values can help you re-orient yourself when life becomes confusing.

Like a water filter, your core values help you decide how to spend your time wisely. As you know, there’s a lot of competition for our attention, explicitly knowing your core values helps you decided what gets your attention and what you can walk away from.

Like a homing pigeon, your core values help draw you back to who you’re supposed to be according to what's centrally important to you.

It’s important that you do the work to explicitly identify your authentic core values. Schelske’s book is a good place to start if you need help.

Likewise, identifying core values is part of the coaching process I take my client through. Give me a call if that’s something you’d like to discuss.

Peace and love to you,

Clay

One of the things I really love about the book is how they simplified the explanation of the AQAL to make it relatable to life in practice.

Music by: ZigZag" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

I was driving into work today and noticing the various people on the side of the road walking to wherever they were going. Some of them were young. Some were old. As I watched these folks, I began to wonder about their potential. You can hear the rest of the story on the podcast.

This afternoon, on a whim, I sent an informal poll out to my WhatsApp friends. The question I asked was this:

Which resonates more with you: unlock your potential or unleash your potential?

I wasn't expecting what I go back.

It seems, unlock resonates more with women; while unleash resonates more with men. Most of the women said unlock was more gentle. They felt unleash was too aggressive. The men sided with unleash because they felt it was more powerful.

I concluded the podcast a similar notion as my lawyer friend who said:

"The answer would depend on whether the subject knows it's abilities or not."