Transistor (https://transistor.fm) https://feeds.transistor.fm/perfect-crimes Sit in with Joe and Nate as they consult clients on how to go about committing their perfect crimes. New episodes every Tuesday. ©2025 Hillbilly Cartel 8ee0d976-2913-5f6a-85c0-adb23f3b4196 no Perfect Crimes Trailer en Tue, 26 May 2026 15:52:41 -0400 Tue, 26 May 2026 15:53:28 -0400 https://img.transistorcdn.com/-x9m1axv1QxiPOWijEgxQI9xuD1Ji0Hnoylk_bWGXBA/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:1400/h:1400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS80ZmI2/M2I3YzIwMDZmNWMy/MzI4NDk0MmEwYWQz/M2FmNS5wbmc.jpg episodic Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Sit in with Joe and Nate as they consult clients on how to go about committing their perfect crimes. New episodes every Tuesday. Sit in with Joe and Nate as they consult clients on how to go about committing their perfect crimes. comedy, consulting, improv, crime Joe Jensen perfectcrimespod@gmail.com No Yes 41 41 Pat Lacey Is Burning Down The House (of Oreos) full 9342299f-9927-4c3f-a31e-c2c7ba292d69 https://share.transistor.fm/s/60c5df38 Pat Lacey has the fire of revolution inside of him, and he knows how he's going to show it.  By burning down the worst place in the world: The Nabisco Factory.  Should have called them cookies instead of biscuits, Nabisco.  

]]> Pat Lacey has the fire of revolution inside of him, and he knows how he's going to show it.  By burning down the worst place in the world: The Nabisco Factory.  Should have called them cookies instead of biscuits, Nabisco.  

]]> Tue, 26 May 2026 15:52:30 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3694 Pat Lacey has the fire of revolution inside of him, and he knows how he's going to show it.  By burning down the worst place in the world: The Nabisco Factory.  Should have called them cookies instead of biscuits, Nabisco.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 40 40 Vi and Iggy Run One of the Nicest Cults You'll Never Regret Joining full 044c37d7-9e9c-4a9a-a7be-5c924a2b41a5 https://share.transistor.fm/s/65d8912f Tell me if you've heard this one--so a Vietnamese girl and Serb walk into a bar, then immediately recruit you to do their bidding.  That's the world we'll be living in once Vi and Iggy get their act together.  Along the way though, we talk about MassLaughsMedia, their budding comedy empire, and war amongst the chimps.  Top tier episode, if you ask me.  

]]> Tell me if you've heard this one--so a Vietnamese girl and Serb walk into a bar, then immediately recruit you to do their bidding.  That's the world we'll be living in once Vi and Iggy get their act together.  Along the way though, we talk about MassLaughsMedia, their budding comedy empire, and war amongst the chimps.  Top tier episode, if you ask me.  

]]> Tue, 19 May 2026 16:42:26 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3997 Tell me if you've heard this one--so a Vietnamese girl and Serb walk into a bar, then immediately recruit you to do their bidding.  That's the world we'll be living in once Vi and Iggy get their act together.  Along the way though, we talk about MassLaughsMedia, their budding comedy empire, and war amongst the chimps.  Top tier episode, if you ask me.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 39 39 Abby Evans, Future Queen of the Boston Speakeasy Scene full ed0b10ab-b68c-4803-be1d-5dbb12b1d03b https://share.transistor.fm/s/e47c2177 Boston's a pretty great city, aside from one huge problem--No Happy Hours.  Also, bars close at 2AM.  ALSO, where are all the opium dens?  Don't worry, concerned listener, Abby Evans has a solution for you.  That's right, we're bringing back the speakeasy back.  It's going to be the Roaring '20s all over again.  

]]> Boston's a pretty great city, aside from one huge problem--No Happy Hours.  Also, bars close at 2AM.  ALSO, where are all the opium dens?  Don't worry, concerned listener, Abby Evans has a solution for you.  That's right, we're bringing back the speakeasy back.  It's going to be the Roaring '20s all over again.  

]]> Tue, 05 May 2026 12:06:28 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4478 Boston's a pretty great city, aside from one huge problem--No Happy Hours.  Also, bars close at 2AM.  ALSO, where are all the opium dens?  Don't worry, concerned listener, Abby Evans has a solution for you.  That's right, we're bringing back the speakeasy back.  It's going to be the Roaring '20s all over again.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 38 38 We Sit Down to Talk Assassinations with Jon Fletcher full e1ddb3d3-5288-4a79-bd89-ef9baa226123 https://share.transistor.fm/s/d68158a5 He was almost a Marine and knows some pretty sick karate moves, so who better to discuss hitmen with than the one and only Jon Fletcher?  How did he lose half a finger?  Was it an operation gone wrong?  Listen to find out!  (BTW as long as you are NOT a rapist or pedophile this episode has absolutely nothing to do with you)

]]> He was almost a Marine and knows some pretty sick karate moves, so who better to discuss hitmen with than the one and only Jon Fletcher?  How did he lose half a finger?  Was it an operation gone wrong?  Listen to find out!  (BTW as long as you are NOT a rapist or pedophile this episode has absolutely nothing to do with you)

]]> Tue, 28 Apr 2026 15:41:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3559 He was almost a Marine and knows some pretty sick karate moves, so who better to discuss hitmen with than the one and only Jon Fletcher?  How did he lose half a finger?  Was it an operation gone wrong?  Listen to find out!  (BTW as long as you are NOT a rapist or pedophile this episode has absolutely nothing to do with you)

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 37 37 Beau and James Are Going to Show Us Their Weinermobile full 76bc5e54-235d-4624-bf14-9beea7d57ea4 https://share.transistor.fm/s/ec4bfcc0 Beau and James (BJS for short) have always known their destiny--for James to die in a fiery car crash, trapped inside the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile as he's grilled alive in a grotesque display of barbecued irony.  Beau, of course, will be watching from a safe distance, cold beer in hand, because that's what good friends do.  How did we come to this Steinbeckian conclusion?  Only one way to find out--listen now!

]]> Beau and James (BJS for short) have always known their destiny--for James to die in a fiery car crash, trapped inside the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile as he's grilled alive in a grotesque display of barbecued irony.  Beau, of course, will be watching from a safe distance, cold beer in hand, because that's what good friends do.  How did we come to this Steinbeckian conclusion?  Only one way to find out--listen now!

]]> Tue, 21 Apr 2026 15:24:48 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4568 Beau and James (BJS for short) have always known their destiny--for James to die in a fiery car crash, trapped inside the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile as he's grilled alive in a grotesque display of barbecued irony.  Beau, of course, will be watching from a safe distance, cold beer in hand, because that's what good friends do.  How did we come to this Steinbeckian conclusion?  Only one way to find out--listen now!

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 36 36 Won't Someone Besides Sarah Fitz Please Think of the Box Turtles?! full 489831e0-5824-43c9-a162-0e99ae77873e https://share.transistor.fm/s/18b7679c We have the very funny Sarah Fitz on this week to discuss a matter of grave importance--the so-called "government" has banned yet another thing the people care about.  Box Turtle Farms.  You'll never guess what sort of criminal act she has in mind.  Sometimes you've gotta fight for your right to properly care for reptiles in an ideal setting.  

]]> We have the very funny Sarah Fitz on this week to discuss a matter of grave importance--the so-called "government" has banned yet another thing the people care about.  Box Turtle Farms.  You'll never guess what sort of criminal act she has in mind.  Sometimes you've gotta fight for your right to properly care for reptiles in an ideal setting.  

]]> Tue, 14 Apr 2026 16:35:36 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3680 We have the very funny Sarah Fitz on this week to discuss a matter of grave importance--the so-called "government" has banned yet another thing the people care about.  Box Turtle Farms.  You'll never guess what sort of criminal act she has in mind.  Sometimes you've gotta fight for your right to properly care for reptiles in an ideal setting.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 35 35 There's Nothing Tiny About This Crime full 3f094859-d2d7-4c07-8893-e5ca2efc3253 https://share.transistor.fm/s/666202ba Local legend Tiny joins us to figure out the best possible way to destroy all student debt, but along the way we try to solve the mystery of who deleted the first episode we recorded with him.  Hint: It was Joe.  But only for non-sober reasons. 

]]> Local legend Tiny joins us to figure out the best possible way to destroy all student debt, but along the way we try to solve the mystery of who deleted the first episode we recorded with him.  Hint: It was Joe.  But only for non-sober reasons. 

]]> Tue, 07 Apr 2026 13:05:59 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3641 Local legend Tiny joins us to figure out the best possible way to destroy all student debt, but along the way we try to solve the mystery of who deleted the first episode we recorded with him.  Hint: It was Joe.  But only for non-sober reasons. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 34 34 The Fellas Interview a True-To-Life Mad Scientist Holy Cow #comedy #podcast full da3d1857-6754-48ee-93ef-91546d46748b https://share.transistor.fm/s/8fd93d75 The Fellas sit down with the one and only Big Thunk, who's here to share the details on how he became the mad genius we all know and love. #funny #bigthunk #bostoncomedy #worcester #newengland #blizzard #openingday

]]> The Fellas sit down with the one and only Big Thunk, who's here to share the details on how he became the mad genius we all know and love. #funny #bigthunk #bostoncomedy #worcester #newengland #blizzard #openingday

]]> Tue, 31 Mar 2026 12:56:49 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3681 The Fellas sit down with the one and only Big Thunk, who's here to share the details on how he became the mad genius we all know and love. #funny #bigthunk #bostoncomedy #worcester #newengland #blizzard #openingday

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 33 33 Maz Ismael Wants to Disrupt the Way We Do Juntas full 33dd505b-2564-4ae9-9b88-cb8894a07e8a https://share.transistor.fm/s/3f8240f3 A lot of our greatest leaders started with a simple goal: complete control over who lives and who dies.  Their problem?  They thought too small.  Get the people involved, that's what Maz says.  Is he a great democratic visionary, or the greatest democratic visionary of all time?  That's a story for history to tell.  

]]> A lot of our greatest leaders started with a simple goal: complete control over who lives and who dies.  Their problem?  They thought too small.  Get the people involved, that's what Maz says.  Is he a great democratic visionary, or the greatest democratic visionary of all time?  That's a story for history to tell.  

]]> Tue, 24 Mar 2026 13:14:58 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4128 A lot of our greatest leaders started with a simple goal: complete control over who lives and who dies.  Their problem?  They thought too small.  Get the people involved, that's what Maz says.  Is he a great democratic visionary, or the greatest democratic visionary of all time?  That's a story for history to tell.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 32 32 Matt McArthur Engages in Some Delightful Check Fraud with his Free Hand full df8da6d9-ef42-4f81-9998-63df03584f03 https://share.transistor.fm/s/b1802397 We've got a local favorite on to talk about his guiding light--Catch Me If You Can.  What a film. Oh yeah, Matt also wants to engage in some self-pleasure, while driving, but, look, everything else we talk about is E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y wholesome.  

]]> We've got a local favorite on to talk about his guiding light--Catch Me If You Can.  What a film. Oh yeah, Matt also wants to engage in some self-pleasure, while driving, but, look, everything else we talk about is E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y wholesome.  

]]> Tue, 17 Mar 2026 14:38:40 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3371 We've got a local favorite on to talk about his guiding light--Catch Me If You Can.  What a film. Oh yeah, Matt also wants to engage in some self-pleasure, while driving, but, look, everything else we talk about is E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y wholesome.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 31 31 Terrance and Nick Are Going to Run Iran. What, You've Got Someone Better? full df1ca5ad-69bf-455c-8704-07af19110048 https://share.transistor.fm/s/1ac69abd WE'RE BACK--sorry for the break ya'll, but don't worry, we've got a great crime, er, total legal military action for everyone.  Ever wonder who's going to run Iran?  Every day it seems like someone new is in charge, for again, TOTALLY LEGIT, NOT WAR CRIME REASONS.  But this week we've got the man with the plan, the Ayatollah who will Aya-tell-ya, Terrance McCormack, and his super cool sidekick, the Robin to his Batman, the Balboa to his Creed, Nick Tocco. 

]]> WE'RE BACK--sorry for the break ya'll, but don't worry, we've got a great crime, er, total legal military action for everyone.  Ever wonder who's going to run Iran?  Every day it seems like someone new is in charge, for again, TOTALLY LEGIT, NOT WAR CRIME REASONS.  But this week we've got the man with the plan, the Ayatollah who will Aya-tell-ya, Terrance McCormack, and his super cool sidekick, the Robin to his Batman, the Balboa to his Creed, Nick Tocco. 

]]> Tue, 10 Mar 2026 18:13:22 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4067 WE'RE BACK--sorry for the break ya'll, but don't worry, we've got a great crime, er, total legal military action for everyone.  Ever wonder who's going to run Iran?  Every day it seems like someone new is in charge, for again, TOTALLY LEGIT, NOT WAR CRIME REASONS.  But this week we've got the man with the plan, the Ayatollah who will Aya-tell-ya, Terrance McCormack, and his super cool sidekick, the Robin to his Batman, the Balboa to his Creed, Nick Tocco. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 30 30 Tyler Swain Wants a License to Pee in Public full 05b321d1-5968-49ba-ae4f-0b44a885018c https://share.transistor.fm/s/153bfe48 Some men want a license to kill, but Tyler doesn't need anything so grand.  He just wants to know how he can go whenever he needs to without the GD fuzz getting involved. 

]]> Some men want a license to kill, but Tyler doesn't need anything so grand.  He just wants to know how he can go whenever he needs to without the GD fuzz getting involved. 

]]> Tue, 24 Feb 2026 14:46:32 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3440 Some men want a license to kill, but Tyler doesn't need anything so grand.  He just wants to know how he can go whenever he needs to without the GD fuzz getting involved. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 29 29 Shaun Connolly and Bryan O'Donnell Want to Rule Worcester with a Benevolent Iron Fist full 8622da01-fbe9-442b-bca5-81c190e65b3f https://share.transistor.fm/s/72cdd8e2 Ever thought you could do a better job running the office than the bozos in charge?  Shaun and Brian are here this week because they feel the same way, only about the second largest city in New England.  Did someone say bloodless coup?  They did not.  

]]> Ever thought you could do a better job running the office than the bozos in charge?  Shaun and Brian are here this week because they feel the same way, only about the second largest city in New England.  Did someone say bloodless coup?  They did not.  

]]> Tue, 17 Feb 2026 11:25:37 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3658 Ever thought you could do a better job running the office than the bozos in charge?  Shaun and Brian are here this week because they feel the same way, only about the second largest city in New England.  Did someone say bloodless coup?  They did not.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 28 28 Frank Allen Robs the Absolute Heck Out of a Bank full 05d5b0d1-5b38-4f12-9ab9-1107fa4abb0b https://share.transistor.fm/s/ae6cbffd THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES, TWO AMAZING THINGS.  First off, we've got a special guest host.  The one, the only, she's got the Hope Diamond on her somewhere--it's El Kennedy.  SECOND, we've got a great episode for you.  Local favorite Frank Allen stops by to get advice on heisting.  Guess what?  He came to the right place.  

]]> THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES, TWO AMAZING THINGS.  First off, we've got a special guest host.  The one, the only, she's got the Hope Diamond on her somewhere--it's El Kennedy.  SECOND, we've got a great episode for you.  Local favorite Frank Allen stops by to get advice on heisting.  Guess what?  He came to the right place.  

]]> Tue, 10 Feb 2026 10:37:49 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4190 THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES, TWO AMAZING THINGS.  First off, we've got a special guest host.  The one, the only, she's got the Hope Diamond on her somewhere--it's El Kennedy.  SECOND, we've got a great episode for you.  Local favorite Frank Allen stops by to get advice on heisting.  Guess what?  He came to the right place.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 27 27 El Kennedy Finally Gets Her Hands on the Hope Diamond full fd632293-d453-478b-99cd-54b8b92e8c69 https://share.transistor.fm/s/9ec0cc78 Talk about wish fulfillment.  Since she was young El has had a love/hate relationship with the largest diamond in the world, so it makes sense she would come to us to figure out how to steal it.  I just HOPE she does something productive with it, unlike that old lady in Titanic.  

]]> Talk about wish fulfillment.  Since she was young El has had a love/hate relationship with the largest diamond in the world, so it makes sense she would come to us to figure out how to steal it.  I just HOPE she does something productive with it, unlike that old lady in Titanic.  

]]> Tue, 03 Feb 2026 10:45:09 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4011 Talk about wish fulfillment.  Since she was young El has had a love/hate relationship with the largest diamond in the world, so it makes sense she would come to us to figure out how to steal it.  I just HOPE she does something productive with it, unlike that old lady in Titanic.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 26 26 The Clown People Commit Insurance Fraud full e5a26f59-c898-469f-a0a5-7c6d57e44024 https://share.transistor.fm/s/afff3a44 THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES--CLOWN PEOPLE, BUTTS, AND INSURANCE FRAUD!  WE'VE GOT IT ALL!  Brieana Woodward and Al Christakis join us to figure out how get MAXIMUM VALUE for Al's derrière.  The secret ingredient to this scheme?  Crime. 

]]> THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES--CLOWN PEOPLE, BUTTS, AND INSURANCE FRAUD!  WE'VE GOT IT ALL!  Brieana Woodward and Al Christakis join us to figure out how get MAXIMUM VALUE for Al's derrière.  The secret ingredient to this scheme?  Crime. 

]]> Tue, 27 Jan 2026 09:18:26 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3874 THIS WEEK, ON PERFECT CRIMES--CLOWN PEOPLE, BUTTS, AND INSURANCE FRAUD!  WE'VE GOT IT ALL!  Brieana Woodward and Al Christakis join us to figure out how get MAXIMUM VALUE for Al's derrière.  The secret ingredient to this scheme?  Crime. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 25 25 Pat McKinstry: God Emperor of Mars full 513e15db-7dcd-450e-a9e9-1c202b7f49b2 https://share.transistor.fm/s/f30d8aa9 Our good friend Patrick has some interesting plans for Mars, let me tell you.  And if you give us an opportunity to yuck Elon's yum, Perfect Crimes Inc. is going to take it.  

]]> Our good friend Patrick has some interesting plans for Mars, let me tell you.  And if you give us an opportunity to yuck Elon's yum, Perfect Crimes Inc. is going to take it.  

]]> Tue, 20 Jan 2026 11:54:08 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3452 Our good friend Patrick has some interesting plans for Mars, let me tell you.  And if you give us an opportunity to yuck Elon's yum, Perfect Crimes Inc. is going to take it.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 24 24 Logan O'Brien Wants to Wipe His Ass with the Declaration of Independence full cb8c6a90-db53-4e4b-92d9-d4c351b29a71 https://share.transistor.fm/s/afccaab4 Look, we know.  Trump beat him to it.  That doesn't mean we don't have a great episode this week.  And besides, when the president does it, it's not a crime.  Big shout out to Nixon for that one.  

]]> Look, we know.  Trump beat him to it.  That doesn't mean we don't have a great episode this week.  And besides, when the president does it, it's not a crime.  Big shout out to Nixon for that one.  

]]> Tue, 13 Jan 2026 07:52:19 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4619 Look, we know.  Trump beat him to it.  That doesn't mean we don't have a great episode this week.  And besides, when the president does it, it's not a crime.  Big shout out to Nixon for that one.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 23 23 Matt Hayden Does a Gay Gone Girl full 1f01e0a4-5fbf-4e37-8893-70033ffb31fa https://share.transistor.fm/s/bf7b623c What do you do with a bunch of gay men that haven't called you back?  Straight to jail.  What if they were kind of rude to you on that one date?  Believe it or not, jail.  We help Matt Hayden Gone Girl every man that's ever even sorta kinda wronged him right to--you guessed it--jail.  

]]> What do you do with a bunch of gay men that haven't called you back?  Straight to jail.  What if they were kind of rude to you on that one date?  Believe it or not, jail.  We help Matt Hayden Gone Girl every man that's ever even sorta kinda wronged him right to--you guessed it--jail.  

]]> Tue, 06 Jan 2026 08:00:00 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3818 What do you do with a bunch of gay men that haven't called you back?  Straight to jail.  What if they were kind of rude to you on that one date?  Believe it or not, jail.  We help Matt Hayden Gone Girl every man that's ever even sorta kinda wronged him right to--you guessed it--jail.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 22 22 Adam Melvin Runs the Shark Fights full 5972715a-4dbe-4e0d-9b87-fd03697edf97 https://share.transistor.fm/s/064f4c82 I'm going to level with everyone--we were all going to a Christmas party after this and I had too many martinis to tell you exactly what happens during this episode.  I know we said funny stuff during this episode, probably, but god help me if I can remember any of it.  Adam Melvin definitely has a crime that involves pitting aquatic creatures together for sport, I think, and I'm as excited as all of you to find out what that means exactly.  Jesus do I have a drinking problem?  Zach Morin guest hosts for the first 15 minutes and I didn't know that until I went back to edit this episode.  Eh, it's fine.  It's the holidays.   

]]> I'm going to level with everyone--we were all going to a Christmas party after this and I had too many martinis to tell you exactly what happens during this episode.  I know we said funny stuff during this episode, probably, but god help me if I can remember any of it.  Adam Melvin definitely has a crime that involves pitting aquatic creatures together for sport, I think, and I'm as excited as all of you to find out what that means exactly.  Jesus do I have a drinking problem?  Zach Morin guest hosts for the first 15 minutes and I didn't know that until I went back to edit this episode.  Eh, it's fine.  It's the holidays.   

]]> Tue, 23 Dec 2025 08:00:00 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3268 I'm going to level with everyone--we were all going to a Christmas party after this and I had too many martinis to tell you exactly what happens during this episode.  I know we said funny stuff during this episode, probably, but god help me if I can remember any of it.  Adam Melvin definitely has a crime that involves pitting aquatic creatures together for sport, I think, and I'm as excited as all of you to find out what that means exactly.  Jesus do I have a drinking problem?  Zach Morin guest hosts for the first 15 minutes and I didn't know that until I went back to edit this episode.  Eh, it's fine.  It's the holidays.   

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 21 21 JP Dexter and his Merry Band of Thieves full bea7c59f-7f36-4b1b-bda2-57941bc99e48 https://share.transistor.fm/s/ee1a683f Who says Robin Hood can't look like Ron Jeremy?  We help JP Dexter plan out exactly how he'll use unguarded Door Dash orders to make the world a better place.  Still from the rich, give to the hungry, maybe make a few dollars along the way.  It's a Perfect Crime, people.  

]]> Who says Robin Hood can't look like Ron Jeremy?  We help JP Dexter plan out exactly how he'll use unguarded Door Dash orders to make the world a better place.  Still from the rich, give to the hungry, maybe make a few dollars along the way.  It's a Perfect Crime, people.  

]]> Tue, 16 Dec 2025 12:36:33 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4096 Who says Robin Hood can't look like Ron Jeremy?  We help JP Dexter plan out exactly how he'll use unguarded Door Dash orders to make the world a better place.  Still from the rich, give to the hungry, maybe make a few dollars along the way.  It's a Perfect Crime, people.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 20 20 How to Steal John Stamos' Hair with Jason Fishman full f64a3f3f-d67a-4f65-837f-094bbec99320 https://share.transistor.fm/s/6fb97697 We've all thought about it.  Just how would you steal John Stamos' hair?  We help consult one of our baldest friends, Jason Fishman, on a plan to finally get away with this follicular heist.  

]]> We've all thought about it.  Just how would you steal John Stamos' hair?  We help consult one of our baldest friends, Jason Fishman, on a plan to finally get away with this follicular heist.  

]]> Tue, 09 Dec 2025 10:55:21 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3964 We've all thought about it.  Just how would you steal John Stamos' hair?  We help consult one of our baldest friends, Jason Fishman, on a plan to finally get away with this follicular heist.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 19 19 Ethan Vs. Jarvis: The Beef Is Finally Addressed full a3451cb0-4077-422a-b6e5-615cfa5729ad https://share.transistor.fm/s/0267f70d On a very special episode of Perfect Crimes, we sit down to talk with Ethan Cannon about his legendary Boston comedy feud with Matt Jarvis, and how--wait, my GOD, is that Matt Jarvis' music?!

]]> On a very special episode of Perfect Crimes, we sit down to talk with Ethan Cannon about his legendary Boston comedy feud with Matt Jarvis, and how--wait, my GOD, is that Matt Jarvis' music?!

]]> Tue, 02 Dec 2025 08:00:00 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4953 On a very special episode of Perfect Crimes, we sit down to talk with Ethan Cannon about his legendary Boston comedy feud with Matt Jarvis, and how--wait, my GOD, is that Matt Jarvis' music?!

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 18 18 Mike and Yawlito Form the Black Irish Republican Army full af5b2baa-63dd-4ce8-922f-3f8abdc3e806 https://share.transistor.fm/s/20d6347f Just when Buckingham Palace thought it was safe to let its guard down, out of nowhere comes the Black Irish Republican Army, formed by two generals from two of England's greatest historical foes: Ireland and Ghana.  Watch out for those "eggs," Charlie boy. 

]]> Just when Buckingham Palace thought it was safe to let its guard down, out of nowhere comes the Black Irish Republican Army, formed by two generals from two of England's greatest historical foes: Ireland and Ghana.  Watch out for those "eggs," Charlie boy. 

]]> Tue, 25 Nov 2025 14:19:39 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4274 Just when Buckingham Palace thought it was safe to let its guard down, out of nowhere comes the Black Irish Republican Army, formed by two generals from two of England's greatest historical foes: Ireland and Ghana.  Watch out for those "eggs," Charlie boy. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 17 17 Nate Hilli Conquers Mankind's Greatest Foe: Dolphins full 91150c4b-d403-4f68-a719-e49cc5c46026 https://share.transistor.fm/s/1a113441 Nate Hilli is one of those rare geniuses that saves mankind from a great evil, much like Jonas Salk or Martin Luther King Jr. Instead of polio or racism though, it's dolphins.  

]]> Nate Hilli is one of those rare geniuses that saves mankind from a great evil, much like Jonas Salk or Martin Luther King Jr. Instead of polio or racism though, it's dolphins.  

]]> Tue, 18 Nov 2025 08:00:00 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4131 Nate Hilli is one of those rare geniuses that saves mankind from a great evil, much like Jonas Salk or Martin Luther King Jr. Instead of polio or racism though, it's dolphins.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 16 16 Terrance McCormack, Supreme Leader of Comedy Island full 9a59f935-6a22-4b67-ab06-ec702c5830d4 https://share.transistor.fm/s/30b3bc4f Who amongst aspiring stand-ups hasn't wanted a little extra stage time?  Terrance just takes things to their logical conclusion, you know, an island-based cult where he headlines every night.  Get in line, Mulaney.  

]]> Who amongst aspiring stand-ups hasn't wanted a little extra stage time?  Terrance just takes things to their logical conclusion, you know, an island-based cult where he headlines every night.  Get in line, Mulaney.  

]]> Tue, 11 Nov 2025 10:02:30 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4629 Who amongst aspiring stand-ups hasn't wanted a little extra stage time?  Terrance just takes things to their logical conclusion, you know, an island-based cult where he headlines every night.  Get in line, Mulaney.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 15 15 Nick Tocco, Godfather of Hollywood full ee7135bd-95b5-425a-84c7-8b8f9c800121 https://share.transistor.fm/s/642956dc Nick Tocco has a big problem with the choices Hollywood has made lately.  We're looking at you, Ryan Murphy.  How's he going to fix it?  Make 'em an offer they can't refuse.  

]]> Nick Tocco has a big problem with the choices Hollywood has made lately.  We're looking at you, Ryan Murphy.  How's he going to fix it?  Make 'em an offer they can't refuse.  

]]> Tue, 04 Nov 2025 09:30:31 -0500 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4267 Nick Tocco has a big problem with the choices Hollywood has made lately.  We're looking at you, Ryan Murphy.  How's he going to fix it?  Make 'em an offer they can't refuse.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 14 14 A Very Special Halloween Episode, Wherein We Stalk Everyone Who's Ever Wronged Liz Miller full c96e28c5-315c-4680-97c1-c80cea40f5e6 https://share.transistor.fm/s/d4345f2f On a very spoOoOoky episode of Perfect Crimes--we have the very funny Liz Miller on to hear about her troubles with men and bad friends, all stories with one very spoOoOoky goal--vengeance.  

]]> On a very spoOoOoky episode of Perfect Crimes--we have the very funny Liz Miller on to hear about her troubles with men and bad friends, all stories with one very spoOoOoky goal--vengeance.  

]]> Tue, 28 Oct 2025 10:26:56 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 4264 On a very spoOoOoky episode of Perfect Crimes--we have the very funny Liz Miller on to hear about her troubles with men and bad friends, all stories with one very spoOoOoky goal--vengeance.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 13 13 Brandon Pires Finally Makes The Team full cc6a45fe-8e7f-4b16-a6ed-345389ef8d9b https://share.transistor.fm/s/4eb05aa0 An episode for anyone who's ever wanted to make a professional sports team but has lacked the talent, the athleticism, the ambition, the height, really everything needed to succeed as a pro athlete.  How do we make Brandon's dream real?  You guessed it.  Crime. 

]]> An episode for anyone who's ever wanted to make a professional sports team but has lacked the talent, the athleticism, the ambition, the height, really everything needed to succeed as a pro athlete.  How do we make Brandon's dream real?  You guessed it.  Crime. 

]]> Tue, 21 Oct 2025 09:52:28 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3733 An episode for anyone who's ever wanted to make a professional sports team but has lacked the talent, the athleticism, the ambition, the height, really everything needed to succeed as a pro athlete.  How do we make Brandon's dream real?  You guessed it.  Crime. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 12 12 Leke Does Sort of a Robin-Hood-Meets-Child-Army-Warlord Thing full 8f325960-ac50-49cc-962d-71bba7b27065 https://share.transistor.fm/s/a71fe755 You know how sometimes you set out with best of intentions to end homelessness, and then end up with a gang of armed youths that do your authoritarian bidding?  Boy, who of us hasn't been there before, right?  Anyway, we help Leke do that this week.  

]]> You know how sometimes you set out with best of intentions to end homelessness, and then end up with a gang of armed youths that do your authoritarian bidding?  Boy, who of us hasn't been there before, right?  Anyway, we help Leke do that this week.  

]]> Tue, 14 Oct 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3641 You know how sometimes you set out with best of intentions to end homelessness, and then end up with a gang of armed youths that do your authoritarian bidding?  Boy, who of us hasn't been there before, right?  Anyway, we help Leke do that this week.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 11 11 Andrew Balestieri is the King of the Sea(World) full 7aa5259b-64a1-4c60-8566-c49aa9427cfa https://share.transistor.fm/s/92ba8c90 Andrew Balestieri is a simple man with a simple goal--free all of the captive creatures at SeaWorld, form a bond with them through mind control technology, and one day end up King of the Ocean.  He came to the right guys to make his dream come true.  

]]> Andrew Balestieri is a simple man with a simple goal--free all of the captive creatures at SeaWorld, form a bond with them through mind control technology, and one day end up King of the Ocean.  He came to the right guys to make his dream come true.  

]]> Tue, 07 Oct 2025 09:42:33 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3853 Andrew Balestieri is a simple man with a simple goal--free all of the captive creatures at SeaWorld, form a bond with them through mind control technology, and one day end up King of the Ocean.  He came to the right guys to make his dream come true.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 10 10 Mark McCalman and the Ultimate Game-Worn Jersey Collection full d6bbcfce-de08-4d4f-ac81-4de38cd18731 https://share.transistor.fm/s/1ef24bca Mark McCalman wants the greatest collection of jerseys this side of the Mississippi.  You know how you get that?  Mime work and dedication. 

]]> Mark McCalman wants the greatest collection of jerseys this side of the Mississippi.  You know how you get that?  Mime work and dedication. 

]]> Tue, 30 Sep 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3261 Mark McCalman wants the greatest collection of jerseys this side of the Mississippi.  You know how you get that?  Mime work and dedication. 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 9 9 Welcome to the Maddie Kelly School for Weaponized Incompetence full a482c370-f9fb-41b9-81d6-bdba10db0965 https://share.transistor.fm/s/fe112662 On the latest episode of Perfect Crimes, we help Boston favorite Maddie Kelly with a three part plan.  Step 1: Train a bunch of billionaire's assistants on how to seem helpful while secretly undermining their employers.  Step 2: Get them hired by as many billionaires as possible.  Step 3: Activate a sleeper cell of professionally incompetent workplace assassins.  You know, girl stuff.  

]]> On the latest episode of Perfect Crimes, we help Boston favorite Maddie Kelly with a three part plan.  Step 1: Train a bunch of billionaire's assistants on how to seem helpful while secretly undermining their employers.  Step 2: Get them hired by as many billionaires as possible.  Step 3: Activate a sleeper cell of professionally incompetent workplace assassins.  You know, girl stuff.  

]]> Tue, 23 Sep 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3273 On the latest episode of Perfect Crimes, we help Boston favorite Maddie Kelly with a three part plan.  Step 1: Train a bunch of billionaire's assistants on how to seem helpful while secretly undermining their employers.  Step 2: Get them hired by as many billionaires as possible.  Step 3: Activate a sleeper cell of professionally incompetent workplace assassins.  You know, girl stuff.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 8 8 Nicholas Stubblefield: Inventor of Patriot Fuel™ full fd7a0260-b108-4743-b029-2eefa9712f17 https://share.transistor.fm/s/c08d0a26 Boston comedian Nicholas Stubblefield comes to Perfect Crimes looking for help with a pretty normal thing--what's the most flags we can burn? 

]]> Boston comedian Nicholas Stubblefield comes to Perfect Crimes looking for help with a pretty normal thing--what's the most flags we can burn? 

]]> Tue, 16 Sep 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3245 Boston comedian Nicholas Stubblefield comes to Perfect Crimes looking for help with a pretty normal thing--what's the most flags we can burn? 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 7 7 When Sky Nockels Engulfs the Harvard Art Museum In Flames full 3be71551-fc47-4941-954f-cbfae8bd798d https://share.transistor.fm/s/329c13d0 This week on Perfect Crimes, we help the very funny Sky Nockels plan her perfect crime--burning down Harvard's Art Museum.  Sometimes destruction is an act of creation, or something? 

]]> This week on Perfect Crimes, we help the very funny Sky Nockels plan her perfect crime--burning down Harvard's Art Museum.  Sometimes destruction is an act of creation, or something? 

]]> Tue, 09 Sep 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3770 This week on Perfect Crimes, we help the very funny Sky Nockels plan her perfect crime--burning down Harvard's Art Museum.  Sometimes destruction is an act of creation, or something? 

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 6 6 How To Get Trump To Cover Your Retirement: A Gary Bolles Crime full c4a99d98-81c0-43aa-ae8b-0ae941d78e43 https://share.transistor.fm/s/0d334db1 On this episode--bank robberies, holograms, and a very special crime involving our favorite criminal president and our favorite local criminal, Gary Bolles.  How do you get Trump to pay for your retirement?  Listen Now!

]]> On this episode--bank robberies, holograms, and a very special crime involving our favorite criminal president and our favorite local criminal, Gary Bolles.  How do you get Trump to pay for your retirement?  Listen Now!

]]> Tue, 02 Sep 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3423 On this episode--bank robberies, holograms, and a very special crime involving our favorite criminal president and our favorite local criminal, Gary Bolles.  How do you get Trump to pay for your retirement?  Listen Now!

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 5 5 Alexis Cristaldi: Cyber Vigilante full 61e71ebe-058b-4676-87e4-dac7e9693272 https://share.transistor.fm/s/65ff1e48 This week on Perfect Crimes, we help Alexis Cristaldi perfect her brand of cyber vigilantism.  Don't worry, she's only going after people who deserve it: the ones who don't laugh at her jokes.  She might not be the hero we need, but she's certainly the one we deserve.  

]]> This week on Perfect Crimes, we help Alexis Cristaldi perfect her brand of cyber vigilantism.  Don't worry, she's only going after people who deserve it: the ones who don't laugh at her jokes.  She might not be the hero we need, but she's certainly the one we deserve.  

]]> Tue, 26 Aug 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 2774 This week on Perfect Crimes, we help Alexis Cristaldi perfect her brand of cyber vigilantism.  Don't worry, she's only going after people who deserve it: the ones who don't laugh at her jokes.  She might not be the hero we need, but she's certainly the one we deserve.  

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 4 4 Paul Ober and the Legend of the Dwarf Assassin full de02a957-243f-439f-b2c4-01ce2c861384 https://share.transistor.fm/s/2edd5e61 On the newest episode of Perfect Crimes, Paul Ober gets advice on how to break Luigi Mangione out of jail.  Spoiler alert, it involves some sick helicopter action.  But before that, hear him tell the Legend of the Dwarf Assassin, wherein young Paul survives a night with the Latin Kings.  

]]> On the newest episode of Perfect Crimes, Paul Ober gets advice on how to break Luigi Mangione out of jail.  Spoiler alert, it involves some sick helicopter action.  But before that, hear him tell the Legend of the Dwarf Assassin, wherein young Paul survives a night with the Latin Kings.  

]]> Tue, 19 Aug 2025 07:42:47 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3625 On the newest episode of Perfect Crimes, Paul Ober gets advice on how to break Luigi Mangione out of jail.  Spoiler alert, it involves some sick helicopter action.  But before that, hear him tell the Legend of the Dwarf Assassin, wherein young Paul survives a night with the Latin Kings.  

]]> comedy, consulting, crime, podcast, funny, dwarf, assassin, Luigi, Luigi mangione, prison break No 3 3 Kellie Moon Wants to Show Us a Dead Body full 4c7bb645-d783-4eb5-a2e6-b223af5f83dd https://share.transistor.fm/s/fd425c0d Improv Asylum's Kellie Moon stops by for advice on how to get a good, long look at Marilyn Monroe's corpse, Scooby-Doo style.

]]> Improv Asylum's Kellie Moon stops by for advice on how to get a good, long look at Marilyn Monroe's corpse, Scooby-Doo style.

]]> Tue, 12 Aug 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3407 Improv Asylum's Kellie Moon stops by for advice on how to get a good, long look at Marilyn Monroe's corpse, Scooby-Doo style.

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 2 2 Starry Starry Night With Zach Morin full aaed1241-2b70-48e0-93e9-b127d86541c5 https://share.transistor.fm/s/01841442 We help comedian Zach Morin plot the gayest heist of the century--stealing Van Gogh's Starry Night from the MOMA.

]]> We help comedian Zach Morin plot the gayest heist of the century--stealing Van Gogh's Starry Night from the MOMA.

]]> Tue, 05 Aug 2025 08:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 2711 We help comedian Zach Morin plot the gayest heist of the century--stealing Van Gogh's Starry Night from the MOMA.

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No 1 1 Beau Brassard Wants The Answers full 76ec975b-efb1-4009-91e8-b45e0b3fbe15 https://share.transistor.fm/s/bf65f541 Beau Brassard comes to us with a simple request: Help him kidnap every living president so we can finally get to the bottom of what's going on in this damn country.

]]> Beau Brassard comes to us with a simple request: Help him kidnap every living president so we can finally get to the bottom of what's going on in this damn country.

]]> Tue, 29 Jul 2025 05:00:00 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 3871 Beau Brassard comes to us with a simple request: Help him kidnap every living president so we can finally get to the bottom of what's going on in this damn country.

]]> comedy, consulting, improv, crime No Perfect Crimes Trailer trailer a6386fd4-e9fb-4bdf-bb17-d248bf5b9e9c https://share.transistor.fm/s/f76ad08c Nate Hanet and Joe Jensen are the premier criminal consultants in the Boston area.  Listen to them as they help their clients plan their perfect crimes.  Follow @perfectcrimespod on Instagram and TikTok and subscribe on Youtube or wherever you listen to your podcasts.  New episodes released every Tuesday.

]]> Nate Hanet and Joe Jensen are the premier criminal consultants in the Boston area.  Listen to them as they help their clients plan their perfect crimes.  Follow @perfectcrimespod on Instagram and TikTok and subscribe on Youtube or wherever you listen to your podcasts.  New episodes released every Tuesday.

]]> Wed, 23 Jul 2025 10:55:52 -0400 Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet Joe Jensen and Nate Hanet 61 Nate Hanet and Joe Jensen are the premier criminal consultants in the Boston area.  Listen to them as they help their clients plan their perfect crimes.  Follow @perfectcrimespod on Instagram and TikTok and subscribe on Youtube or wherever you listen to your podcasts.  New episodes released every Tuesday.

]]> comedy, consulting, true crime, Boston, criminal, funny No