Thanks for sticking by us even as our lives slightly fall apart and are rebuilt piece by ridiculous piece. Onward and upward! 

In this episode, we talk about the J.D. Salinger short story A Perfect Day for Bananafish. We previously talked about his book The Catcher in the Rye (feel free to go back and listen to that miniseries!), but he also wrote a bunch of short stories about the fictional Glass family, of which this is one. The story content is pretty serious, but we have a li’l fun with it.

Nikita would prefer not to; Jackie has perfect audio; Bekah hates to say it; Rachel continues to not have a crush on Gabe from The Office.

Topics include: Polyphemus, the evergreen-ness of Bartleby, cornhole, The Summer I Turned Pretty, white male freaks (positive), HIPAA violations, scurvy, unprepared hostage-takers, mayonnaise, and the perfect cream cheese to bagel ratio.

Topics include: ethnic ambiguity, whether you should drink a Coke when you’re dying, Doogie Howser, M.D., Egypt phases, a super hot guy with an unfriendly face, the Taming of the Shrew sequel, Encarta, pre-9/11 airport security, the Lost Refrigerator of Money, the worst most dangerable time, Kermit the Frog, snappy scorpions, scented toilet paper, an ancient high school ring, fuck-ass cousins who make fun of you all the time, and shrimpification.

This is a free preview of a Patreon bonus episode. To get full access to this and other bonus episodes, sign up for a support tier at patreon.com/firethecanon!

Rachel has a healthy 6-month old Book. Bekah is a newly engaged, newly minted doctor. Jackie has a brand new computer that, it turns out, is sadly awful at audio processing but is soon to be replaced. Nikita is on vacation and Jackie definitely doesn't hate her.

Topics include: two-timing two kids, Sylvia the maybe former N*zi, getting rejected from The New Yorker about a hundred times, a meeting with Hemingway, clarinet nightmares, the best actor at Camp Wigwam, Shalom in the Home, an exhaustive list enumerating everything wrong with Catcher, Charlie Chaplin aka Mista Steal Yo Girl, swinging one's thyroid around one's head, and Vienna, Italy. 

Rachel's baby is in a sort of Schödinger's box situation - she exists (now now) and doesn't exist (now at the time of recording). Jackie sucks and apologizes for sucking. Bekah helpfully reminds everyone what the heck happened in the last installment. Nikita is given the honor of the stinger at the end of the episode. 

Topics include: the answer to the age-old question of how bald Book Best is, the type of siblings who want a more intimate relationship, uterus didelphys, hasty hysterectomies, a genetically-not-great marriage prospect, heavy foreshadowing about a guy who just loves being alive, Frankenstein-inspired nightmares, the literal fighting Irish, a very disturbing dentistry story, an extraordinarily old pregnant woman, the return of the Corn Man, and a lot - a LOT - of jumping out of windows. 

Bekah has to exorcise her cat. Rachel doesn't know the difference between colonoscopies and prostate exams, she just knows something goes up a butt. Jackie had many, many chances to read this book. Nikita is the only one who makes any sense, earning her the title of The Kermit of the Podcast.

Topics include: wonderful ligaments, interviewing the author of Tire Discounters ads, riches to rags and it stays at rags, a schlong that's probably bigger than Victor's, skin-colored leggings, weird shirts from Jackie's grandma, and the joy of boating at night alone on a dark lake with a monster nearby.

Bekah wants to take a peek at a baby butt. Rachel boobytraps a stranger in a toilet. Nikita repeatedly insists she doesn't actively want to eat a person, but it gets weird after a while. Jackie gets absolutely dogpiled by the rest of the crew.

Topics include: racial profiling of monsters, cannibalism, looking homeless in Milan, the brain changes that lead postpartum mothers to suddenly start sending everyone pictures of child butts, making lerv in this clerv, Lenny and the bunnies, Wendy's, Soylent Green, a wet angry lady, and the fanciest bathroom in Italy.

Queen Patron Cara requested, nay, demanded, we read the erotic fantasy novella Corn Daddy, by Helena Woodcock. And it was... surprisingly a good time. And not at all surprisingly, completely filthy. 

The first tantalizing moments are free for all. If you want to hear the whole thing, go to patreon.com/firethecanon and sign up for one of the support tiers to help us out and let your freak flag fly. 

Content warnings: parent and child death, suicide, and some discussion of cadavers.

Rachel attempts to lure Jackie to her doom using rare Kermits. Bekah can't imagine having beef with Fortunato, who is a silly little guy we all love. Jackie learns something about cat anatomy courtesy of Hunter, the village idiot.

Topics include: a mysterious gesticulating motion, mercator projections, physical bleeping, the national motto of Scotland, getting buried alive, Hocus Pocus tuberculocus, Freemason secrets, outcrazying a baby, the Cincinnati episode of Catfish, urogenital apertures vs cloacas, the abysmal state of North Carolina's sex education programs, an extraordinarily loud kiss, red blood cell wallpaper, and landing a broken bottle on your penis like a ring toss.

Rachel threatens to share a deadly Dorito. Bekah didn't used to eat her vegetables, but she does now. Jackie is terrified she will one day discover Jeffrey Garten has died.

Topics include: Pooh Bear autumn, brat summer/evil lifetime, cute animal art vs. furry art, The Algorithm, relief from life, being in love with nonhuman people, the horror of meeting your celebrity crush, #IceAgeGate updates, having the shits so bad you think two men are trying to kill you, Quarles, a truly Chad move by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the Bloom family, an incredibly labor-intensive election strategy, and delicious dirt that doesn't even need any seasoning or anything. 

Skip the banter: 13:40

Jackie goes overboard again, Bekah mixes up professions with nouns in general (concerning for a future dentist), and Rachel makes the only good joke about slavery.

Topics include: the debut of the timer that keeps track of how long it takes Bekah to bring up an animated character, Kung Fu Panda, lovers to enemies to lovers, French Robo-Jacob, Taquitos, Edogawa Ranpo, giving Pop Rocks to Robert E. Lee, surefire money-making tips, horse classes, compliments that would be better if they were different, the lies of Griswold, nurses with Munchausen by proxy syndrome, being just a little bit bowlegged, Grandma Pothead, and a recipe for penne alla gin.

Content warnings: child marriage, slavery, alcoholism, parental death

Bekah plugs the mini fridge back in; Jackie does an amazing impression of Diego the saber-toothed tiger; Rachel does some moon math.

Topics include: No Uggos Chat, mansplaining Ice Age, the Mail Room with Jackie, gleeking upon occasion, classic acting faux pas, awesome-looking babies, Samuel PEPYS, ancient surreal sexism, trickster vs. trickee, and Hash with Hank.

Topics include: Fakespeare again, the Fatherly Spirit, the Suite Life of Zack & Cody, time travel for fun and profit, infuriating ways to win a woman’s heart, the power of the flower, Hemingway’s gun, Twister Splash, and Qu*kers. 

Join us on patreon.com/firethecanon to access full bonus episodes, get a shoutout, a sticker, and more! Also, follow Jess @saidbyjess on instagram, twitter (X or whatever?) and the like. She's funny!

NOTE: This episode discusses suicide. See chapters below if you wanna skip that part!

Bekah reveals a very specific requirement she has for storytellers. Rachel murders God. Jackie shares a tidbit of Williamsburg wisdom that no one likes.

Topics include: special vinegar in a special dish, the ultimate state of Zen, a diet of nothing but milk and ice cream, spending years in bed for money, a divisive blue envelope, Petrarch, a snowboarding pickle, how to hide a zit like a pro, Oscar Pistorius, William Faulkner, Hemingway and Fitzgerald's Ye Olde Dick-Measuring Event, IcinGUH, Ada Palmer's recommendations, Walshheads, speaking English like an Italian, Shrek, Butt Stuff, the now-straight Tower of Pisa, Nebuchadnezzar, and Nebuchadlizard.

Topics include: Ernest Hemingway, Lord of the Rings, Sylvia Plath and her fig tree, slugging, skincare advice corner, dog psychologists, Tamagotchis, jelly sandals, Monkey Beach, the Big Bean, Belle & Sebastian, Malört, sippin’ on that thang, Mary Karr, catcalling, explicit undertones, That’s So Raven, gold-digging advice, Celine Dion, and riches to rags to riches/revenge.

Topics include: Firehouse Subs, Jesus, German vermin, big heads vs grape heads, building a time machine to go kill two dudes. breaking down Victorian social norms with a single word, the parable of the Fig Man, inexplicable group chat names, recurring sausage dreams, sister-to-sister matchups, and ceremonial lashings of buttocks.

Content warnings: child abuse, sexual abuse, mental illness, suicide, racism, antisemitism, and about every -ism you can imagine 

Jackie says something the other two consider truly wild, accidentally kicking the whole thing off. Rachel suggests we come up with a new word to describe a racist, because 'racist' has a lot of baggage. Bekah wants you to go get one of two doctors, but there's only one noticeable difference between them and everyone must pretend not to notice it. The ensuing dilemma is fun for the whole family! To hear the whole conversation and support our podcast, sign up to be a patron at Patreon.com/firethecanon.

Jackie fucks up her audio, but doesn't know it yet (don't worry, she fixes it in post). Rachel flexes secret first-edition knowledge. Bekah is really good at pogo sticking. 

Topics include: dating as a one-inch tall woman, grad school application mistakes, CV tips from Jackie, square treats that look round, High School Musical, cockroach longevity, the rhinoceros at the end of the stampede in Jumanji, Emphysema Salt, wart puns, Oompa Loompa race wars, Everybody Hates Mike Teevee, the horror of Frontier Airlines*, finger-toes, and hiring a starving child to run a global corporation. 

*not a sponsor

Join the gang as we cover the first half of Roodle Doodle's classic, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You all know how the story goes, but you haven't heard it told by us. Rachel doxxes herself. Bekah learns about the Wonka-related scandal of the year. Jackie has never even once thought about smothering grandma Josephine with a pillow. 

Topics include: freakish fertility, doppelgängers, girlfriends who are worms, boyfriends who have skeletons in them, ontological incorrectness, universally detested children, masseter Botox, cabbage soup, Scotland's Wonka Experience, the Unknown, a secret hoard of one coin, naked cat vibes, backhanded compliment-insults, and issuing rebukes in a flutelike voice.

Check out www.adapalmer.com for more information on her research, novels, and more!

For the full episode and all our other bonuses, go to patreon.com/firethecanon and join the fam! 

Rachel says "here's the problem" roughly 80 times. Bekah really wants somebody to be gay. Jackie gets hundreds of sonnets written for her by Mr. Peanut. 

Topics include: the woman who rotates sandwiches, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, state cryptids, explanations of Ohio and Germany, terrible audiobook narrators who barely get any votes, a truly toxic doctor, female women, Borgias and Medicis, rice and horses, fear and love, Inigo Montoya, the monstrosity that is a medieval cat, Alexander the Great, a horrifying Kermit, lions and foxes and wolves oh my, and the return of everyone's favorite, Scipio Africanus.

Content warnings: sexual assault, child abuse, racism, antisemitism, sexism, etc. We really talk about it all!

Jackie does her Bob Dylan impression against our will. Rachel solves a fabulous mystery. Bekah trudges up and down a mountain. Topics include: free range Beastie Boys, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, the wagon of sobriety, Mr. Worldwide’s new look, the absolute best hairstyle for a man, the location of the soul, the Cavity Queen, the most secret Filipino of all, Moomin Quest, and whether you should wash your legs (yes).

Topics include: La Femme Nikita, Lucy Liu/Maggie Q, Santa Claus stories, leprechaun disappointment, the worst poop of all time, Da Bean Zone, wifi stories, breakup pet plans, stinkbugs, true sisterly love, interchangeable women, a literal boatload of money, Death Note, the most perfect creature who ever breathed (according to Dickens), arms that don't belong to you, the hot hot elf from The Santa Claus, a gummy mistake, Shake Shack, a 23-year old's eyeballs, and absolutely no ghosts whatsoever. 

0:00:00 - 0:28:28 : stories of parental deception re: Santa 
0:28:29 - 1:00:45 : story summary
1:00:46 - 1:19:13 : story discussion/analysis/thoughts
1:19:21 - end : author drama! romance tropes! and a truly deranged story about finding god in an airport with a little help from drugs.

We'll have a fresh-baked holiday episode brand new for you next week, when we discuss the fourth of Charles Dickens' Christmas stories. In the meantime, kick back and enjoy a tale from olden times. And if you're really feeling nostalgic, give a listen to our follow-up episode to this one: "A Christery Chat with John Allison", which was equally delightful. 

Jackie is wrongfully accused of a crime, and rightfully admits to a crime.  Rachel is wrongfully accused of being a frequent flier.  Bekah took out people’s teeth with no pain meds. Jacob would like you to know that that is NOT him, it is a British robot, and he loves his baby.

Topics include: Double Portland, an Aladdin situation, the prostaglandins, babysitting adventures, Flula Borg, yacht-tipping orcas, sensual squeezing, and the functional mushrooms/coffee dichotomy.

Topics include: taking your shirt off to poop, medication sisters, Gandalf’s toxic masculinity, Halsey, Skyline chili, the funniest mutiny, secret Filipino dudes, the debut of our new sound effect for when things are proven to be untrue using Bible logic, Himbology 101, Billy Boyd, French whale art, and British atrocities.

Bekah gets on Jackie's bad side. Jackie finds out she has Covid in real time. Rachel makes a slight concession to scholars of straightness. 

Topics include: decorating with a lot of pineapples, Fifty Shades of Grey, whale misunderstandings, slurpin' out of harpoons, honorable kicks, a soul trying to escape a brain, St. Vitus' Imp, janky throats, men without butter, pretty privilege, completely incomprehensible Pidgin, and juicy little pears.

Content warnings: drugs, sexual language, racism

Rachel finally has some technical difficulties. Bekah tries a new dental procedure she just learned about this morning. Jackie misunderstands a sermon. 

Topics include: Crunch 'n Munch, sister fights, good Quaker bad Quaker, ghost sailors, the multiple meanings of ahoy, liking chowder a little too much, gay vibes, Cicero, the Devil Dam and the Tit-Bit, human furniture, knocking people's hats off, Tim Robinson and Sam Richardson, creepy sleepy guys, Succession, the bed-sharing trope, the Pythagorean Maxim, a night-night harpoon, I Think You Should Leave, Ishmaelicus, a church made of whale bones, sacred wheelbarrows, and dark Novembers of the soul. 

Content warning: heartbreaking foreshadowing

Even MORE exciting, that man is British, so you KNOW there's absolutely no chance things are going to get overly emotional. Which is good, because our author this week is... really, really extra and had a lot of feelings. That's right, our sometimes-guest, sometimes-editor, sometimes-host Jacob climbs aboard for a deep dive into the life of one of his favorite authors, Herman Melville, who was a card-carrying Meatlovian drama queen.

Melville is best known for being the author of Moby-Dick, which we will begin reading and covering throughout the rest of this summer and fall (with other stuff in between). But did you know he's also a peeb? A great-great-uncle, or maybe great-great grandfather, of a famous musician? An extremely weird writer who became a brain-addled bank employee at the tender age of 13? A Nathaniel Hawthorne fanboy to an uncomfortable degree?

Listen for these and way more crazy true facts about ol' Hermy M.

Topics include: Calvinism, robot butlers, British place-name pronunciations, horned toads, extremely heavy-handed gay innuendos, frightening new neighbors, The Detectorists, Yngwie Malmsteen, Jimmy Buffett, Meatloaf, hot southern soil, Nathaniel Hawthorne, mutinies on the high seas, skin factories, totally normal whale behavior, vagina diagrams, the original M. Dick, birth certificate confusion, perpendicular spouting, and secrets whispered under a gazebo in the pouring rain.

Content warnings: death, mental illness, animal cruelty, sexual language

Further reading: "History's Dick Jokes: On Melville and Hawthorne", by Jordan Alexander Stein
https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/historys-dick-jokes-on-melville-and-hawthorne/ 

Jacob's YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/@bigyellowpraxis

Topics include: a totally real, heterosexual husband; the Alexandria Library of Fire; "This One's for the Girls" by Martina McBride, mole confusion, murder cats, spoiled rotten cats, Hot Garth Summer, the Lil' Wayne of Ancient Greece, r/SapphoAndHerFriend, dentistry secrets, Cracked.com, and a rap-reimagining of a popular children's song.

Poems discussed:
Ode to Aphrodite: https://lsa.umich.edu/content/dam/kelsey-assets/kelsey-documents/2021-Poetry-Blast.pdf
Fragment 31 - translations by Lord Byron, Lord Tennyson, Anne Carson
Fragment 94

The first 5 or so minutes are free for everyone - and they're mighty good, as we reckon. Won't you check us out and maybe hitch your horse up to ours for only a few pesos a month?

(Titles we considered but didn’t go with: Girls for the Gays and Goths for the Whales; Dress for the Egypt You Want, Not the Egypt You Have; Obey Your Enemy, Eat Your Wife; Look On Me Works, Me Hearties; 2,000 Years of Disagreement; and The Elements of Human Intercourse Throughout the Ages.)

Regardless, be sure to check out Frances' website - it's an absolute TREAT. See if you can solve the puzzle while you're there! Find it at http://www.franceshardinge.com/

CONTENT WARNINGS: Sexual language, violence, trauma/PTSD, racism, sexism

The full episode for Patrons will be out Friday, 4/21, due to aforementioned mega longness. In the meantime, enjoy the first 30 minutes, and join our Patreon to access the rest of this ep and many others!

Topics include: virtually every Adam Sandler movie for some reason, evil puppets, John Wayne and Frank Sinatra, black humorists vs. black-humorists, plunger aliens, tiny coats, wooden clogs, babies that are sharp and fast, some guy named Jerry, buzzballs and speedballs, Lice Chat 2.0, crushes on married men, lewd daguerreotypes, surprising facts about human reproduction, offensive British accents, Wild Bob, The Velveteen Rabbit, and Carlisle, England's claim to fame. 

CONTENT WARNINGS: violence; death; references to pornography, drugs; mental illness; many many horrors of war

In this episode: Rachel forgets the entire point of World War II. Bekah suggests an improvement to the plot of 'Drumline'. Jackie makes a totally understandable etymology mistake. A new guest is born. Topics include Nick Cannon's fertility, more restaurant shenanigans, gender-bending Hutts, fujoshis, Candide IRL, important announcements, a soap opera consisting of Gloria Gaynor lyrics, maternity leave in America, the revenge of the Taisho era, the Battle of the Boob, house fire contingency plans, A Christmas Story, and what it means to be a pacifist.

To hear the full episode, join our Patreon! For only a few dollhairs a month, you can help keep us going, and in return, you get full access to everything we've ever released, as well as an on-air shoutout and our everlasting gratitude. www.patreon.com/firethecanon  

Grab your copy of Monstrilio wherever you get your books - and feel good about it, knowing its author is genuinely a super nice person who does NOT deserve to be immediately canceled.

HUGE CONTENT WARNING: Detailed discussion of grief, loss of a child, gore, and cannibalism

Content warnings: homophobia, violence, LOTS of shipping logistics

Content warnings: sexual assault, violence, death, baseless accusations of skeeziness leveled against many different nationalities

Topics include: the Kool-Aid Man, biblically accurate fingernail angels, the return of bloodhorse.com, the skinny man/plump woman archetype, Ichabod Crane: Ghost Lawyer, erasing inequality one child-whoopin’ at a time, thousands of escaped crickets, the kinematic equation of velocity, Dutch Elves, Cotton Mather’s “History of New England Witchcraft”, otome games, Ignus Carbunculus, Saint Vitus, dancing Transformers, and a truly pointless, but heated, argument about the fate of Ichabod’s bod. 

Content warning: some serious cockroach talk

Other works mentioned: Reiner Stach’s Kafka biographies and The Book of Eels by Patrik Svensson

Content warning: discussion of sexism, antisemitism, and the Holocaust

Books mentioned: Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, Winnie the Pooh, The Rainbow Fish, Goodnight Moon, Little House on the Prairie, the Narnia series, Stuart Little, Gulliver’s Travels, Sherlock Holmes, Tarzan, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, Junie B. Jones, Peters Rabbit and Cottontail, The Hobbit, Black Beauty, National Velvet, Eloise, Madeline, The BFG, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the Carl the Dog series, Goosebumps, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Wild Chimpanzees, Fatal Shore, The Pokey Little Puppy, the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao Te Ching, Outlaws of the Marsh, Dinosaurs: Fact and Fiction, H*rry P*tter, Mary Poppins, Full Moon: The Keith Moon Story, The Cat in the Hat, The Berenstain Bears, the Help Me Be Good series, Hammer of the Gods

Media mentioned: the 99 Tiny Terrors anthology, Arrival, In the Woods by Tana French, The Little Mermaid, The Machineries of Empire series by Yoon Ha Lee, Nick Harkaway’s books, and Ursula K. LeGuin’s books.

Books mentioned: Little House on the Prairie, Winnie the Pooh, Martha Speaks, Pride & Prejudice, Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Are You My Mother?, The Runaway Bunny, Hop on Pop, Beezus and Ramona, Ramona the Pest, Henry Huggins, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Boxcar Children, My Side of the Mountain, Walden, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Harry Potter, Ender’s Game, big dinosaur books, Follow That Truck!, The Poky Little Puppy, Hooked on Phonics, Sesame Street, Barney, The Monster at the End of This Book, and The Scarlet Letter.

Will the kids stay out of the basement as they’re told? Or will they drive the plot forward by very much NOT staying out of the basement? Is Margaret and Casey’s mom having an affair with a cactus? Is Fatso a good nickname for a preteen girl? What even is DNA anyway?

Listen to find out! The first ~15 minutes are free to all. Join our much-loved Patreon fam to hear the rest, as well as all our other bonus content, at www.patreon.com/firethecanon.

Topics include: The Room, vulture librarians, trauma queens, pissing things right out of the bladder, excessive hair tossing, secret tomatoes, ridiculously poor lab hygiene, real dads vs. plant dads, Monsieur Henri, mad scientists, and murderous composers.

Stories covered: Counterparts, Clay, A Painful Case, Ivy Day in the Committee Room, A Mother, Grace, The Dead

Content warning: child abuse, alcoholism, sexual harrassment

Stories covered: The Sisters, An Encounter, Araby, Evaline, After the Race, Two Gallants, The Boarding House, A Little Cloud

Note: we briefly talk about autoimmune disorders, and the science is of course much more complex than we were able to get into.  If you want to read up a little, here are a couple articles:

https://www.science.org/content/article/black-death-left-mark-human-genome

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6925958/

Topics include: plane landings, Rowlf the Dog, cell phone destruction, Borat, dragons’ hoards, Faraday cages, men of letters, Poirot, Theo’s love of water, eggo my leggos, hair vs. fur, voice acting, NC housing code, and dudes secretly living in your closet.

Check out: the Terra Ignota series, Ada’s appearance on the You Are Not So Smart Podcast, Romeo and/or Juliet, A Corresponding Renaissance, and the DVD box set of the 1980s BBC productions of all the Shakespeare plays.

Topics include: Nathaniel Hawthorne, Easy A, Rosemary’s Baby, exclamation points, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Goosebumps, Percy Bysshe Shelley weebs, how to calculate area

Content warning: slavery, drowning, miscarriage, infant death

Content warning: death, suicide, poison, stabbing, honestly way too much talk about chocolate assholes.

Thanks to Hanitua for trying to help with our French pronunciation!

Content warning: death, head wounds, and attempted suicide.

Once and future guest Lindsey Kelk’s new book (On a Night Like This) is out!  Check it out.

Topics include: the agents of SHIELD, Rudyard Kipling, God vs. GAWD, what to look for in an apartment, mayonnaise, BlacKkKlansman, Down to Earth, The Princess Bride, hurt/comfort fanfic, Moogfest, board game trauma, Bruce Bogtrotter, Olive Garden, the Gom Jabbar, Timothee Chalamet, Wookieepedia, drupelets, the Blair Witch Project, The Handmaid’s Tale, GoodReads rating systems, Paul Thomas Anderson movies (specifically Phantom Thread), and dog allergies.

Content warning: racism, sexism, antisemitism, torture, marijuana use

Additional reading: Roger Griffin’s work on fascism

Content warning: sexual assault, violence, murder, racism, fatphobia

We are, unfortunately, not sponsored by Cook Out.

For full context, revisit our Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening episode.

Rachel’s restaurant recommendation: Coronado PHX in Phoenix, Arizona.

Content warning: brief reference to child sexual abuse material, homophobia, sexism, cockroaches, violence, and antisemitism

Topics include: an actually super timely and appropriate moral message, New Year’s resolutions, The Killers, racist eggs, surfboard livin’, rudely dying on your friends, stealing from the mouths of widows and orphans, Mrs. Chickenstalker, more Muppets than Theo can imagine, the prison-industrial complex, the scent of last year’s beans, and for some reason, so, so many goblins.

Content warning: suicide, death, alcoholism, infanticide

Find John on Instagram and Twitter @badmachinery

Topics include: umami, Christeriousness, David Suchet, little gray cells, Wilson’s baby, creaminess, Egg Mode, English gayness or lack thereof, Big Mouth Billy Bass, Gregor Mendel a.k.a. Carolus Linnaeus, Carrie, vampires, and bacon bits.

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Topics include: rats vs. mice, the WNBA, Moses Moody, pigs and pancakes, procrastination, the cat keeper, the scary drawings rap, a rectangular penis, loud water bottles, buried treasure, misterstresses, Force ghosts, visual jokes, The Dark Crystal, Skeksis, Jim Henson fanaticism, and Rumspringa.

Content warning: animal & human death, gore, suicide, racism

Random Recommendations: 

Jade City by Fonda Lee

The Book CommuniRead Book Club

Topics include: The Turning of the Screw, The Taming of the Shrew, The Name of the Wind, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, vanishing twins, Reddit nonsense, feminism, Zsa Zsa Hoochie Coochie, GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s head, Duncan IdaHos, the Atlanta Braves, the age of Rashida Jones, Orphan (2009), Lord of the Rings quotes, Darth Maul, Star Wars, unironic “what the fuck?!?!?!?!?”s, the fourteenth century, and the JEDI initiative.

Topics include: GumbyxPokey, the best athlete’s foot medication, David Lynch, Timothée Chalamet, Sting, heterosexuality, spoilers, sperm rights, Dr. Purple Lips, the New Jersey of space, Jimmy Stewart voice, dragon seduction in Dungeons & Dragons, a true Jessica, the weirding way & the weirding woman, ichthyosaurs, servant time, Stinky the Hutt, Big Brother the Hutt, Hutt-shaming, riding the worm, concubators, an original book idea, and book juice. 

Content warning: eugenics, sexism, racism, fatphobia, pedophilia

Topics include: brains in jars, Star Trek vs Star Wars, Orlando Bloom, secret fish people ancestry, human skin suits, Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, cutting-edge migraine treatments

Recommendations and References from Ruthanna and Rachel:

Ruthanna’s Reading the Weird blog series on Tor.com, with Anne M. Pillsworth

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle

Beneath the Rising by Premee Mohamed

The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers

Lavinia by Ursula K. Le Guin

The Laundry Files series by Charles Stross 

All Our Salt-Bottled Hearts by Sonya Taaffe

Rappaccini’s Daughter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Seanan McGuire

Nibedita Sen

Nadia Bulkin

Content warning: animal death, body horror, racism, sexism, antisemitism

Content warning: extended discussion of suicide

Content warnings: suicidal ideation,  domestic abuse, death

Content warning: death, violence, domestic abuse, animal cruelty

Topics include: Dungeons & Dragons, Sir Gawain & the Green Knight, Robert Cotton, Tide PODS, Lord of the Rings (as usual), The Canterbury Tales, forgery, Thomas Chatterton, female sexuality, Margery Kempe, Julian of Norwich, Christian mysticism, co-option of Medieval symbolism, The Princess Bride, Daniel Radcliffe, The Knight Before Christmas, young Stalin, Oscar Wilde, Jane Austen, and Joe Rogan.

References and recommendations: 

Check out Erik Kwakkel (@erik_kwakkel) on Twitter to see the cat footprints!

Misogyny Is Everywhere by Phyllis Rackin

A Knight’s Tale is the Best Medieval Film (No, Really) by Michael Livingston 

https://www.tor.com/2018/11/16/a-knights-tale-is-the-best-medieval-film-no-really/

Doomsday Book by Connie Willis

Most of the Margaret Wise Brown info was drawn from the autobiography, In the Great Green Room, by Amy Gary.  If you’re interested in learning more, we highly recommend it!

Content warning: abusive relationships, homophobia, animal death.

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Content warning: violence, sexism, sexuality

Content warning: animal death, sex, pornography

Content warning: violence.

Topics include: Book CommuniTea, international lockdown, giant book collections, carrier pigeons, Nora Roberts, Elin Hilderbrand, Sarah Dessen, Roxane Gay, Angie Thomas, Jodi Picoult, Jenny Han, Jennifer Weiner, publishing mergers, Great Expectations, Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Hemingway, Harry Potter, James Patterson, Game of Thrones, and Goosebumps.

Check her out on social media: Jess Owens on YouTube, @_saidbyjess on Twitter, and @saidbyjess on Instagram

Jess’ Recommendations:

Romance: Sweethand by N.G. Peltier; Middle Grade Fantasy: Amari and the Night Brothers by B.B. Alston; Horror: Ring Shout by P. Djèlí Clark 

BookTubers: Bookish Realm, bookslikewhoa, How to Train Your Gavin, Stephanie Bookish, and mynameismarines

Content warning: homophobia, racism, sexism, pet death, sex, violence

We read chapters 7-11 of A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole.  The protagonist, Ignatius J. Reilly, gets a job as a hot dog vendor and continues ruining everyone’s lives.  Theo knows all the characters’ names.  Rachel revels in her non-consumption of meat.  Jackie’s valve acts up.  Topics include: hot dogs, dinosaurs, The Hunger Games, bad YA dystopias, Harry Potter, Divergent, three-party systems, The Young Pope, Saint Christopher Cynocephalus, dog boys, and college urban legends.

Content warning: racism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, gross food stuff

Min Kwon's America the Beautiful Project: https://www.america-beautiful.com/events

Theo's Variation: https://open.spotify.com/track/2UEGjs8wSbGYbFdEByJaL3?si=51464a5ab5744880

Content warning: racism, sexism, anti-fatness, antisemitism.

That New Yorker article we mentioned: https://www.newyorker.com/books/second-read/the-uneasy-afterlife-of-a-confederacy-of-dunces

Thanks again to our guest, Jacob (@bigyellowpraxis)!

White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane

The Cask of Amontillado - The Alan Parsons Project

The Eve of War - Jeff Wayne, Richard Burton

Anthem - Rush

Link to playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lEojWu6ZZLkICVn3rJwPI?si=84035ccbb529410b

Check out Jacob's podcast Underrated/Overhated: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/underrated-overhated/id1509426734

Content warning: animal death, death in general, and violence.

Content Warning: animal violence, violence in general, death, slavery

Content Warning: racism, genocide, heart attacks, death, slavery

Content warning: violence, death, sexism.

Content warning: murder, violence, cannibalism, animal death, racism, ableism.

Content warning: drug use, suicide, ableism, slavery, assault.

Content warning: dysphoria, death, sexual assault, and slavery.

Content warning: human and animal death, violence, cults, sexual abuse, and child abuse.

Check out Lindsey’s latest adult book, In Case You Missed It, and her first children’s book, Cinders and Sparks (out May 20). Hear more from her on her own podcasts, Full Coverage and Tights and Fights.

LYRICS:

I come in the night and deliver the pain

Mankind’s-enemy descended from Cain

The twilight spoiler, and Grendel’s my name

They set up camp and planned to stay

Oh there was a man-price they’d have to pay:

But then I met a man who changed my ways

I had come

In the night

For a bite

Oh you might

Call that naughty

Then I saw

In the hall

30 men

In one small

Human body

Oh Wolf-Bee

Bring me some of that sweet honey

Come and give me some of your lovin’ sting

Oh babe, you disarm me

Don’t wanna end up in my doggie bag

Son of a savage* certified tarn-hag

Some say I’m misunderstood, but you know I’m bad

Steely skin and blood that boils

Strike me with steel and feel the recoil

But I melted when you stepped on that Danish soil

Oh it took

You twelve years

To appear

But now we’re

Arm in arm

I would die

If my mo-

Ther found out

That I fell

For your charm

Oh Wolf-Bee

Bring me some of that sweet honey

Come and give me some of your lovin’ sting

Oh babe, you disarm me

Oh Wolf-Bee

Bring me some of that sweet...

Oh don’t hurt me baaaby

Oh wolfy, you disarm me

Topics include: duels, Kitty’s universal acclaim, Seth’s dark past, a 28-year-old scoundrel, coins for PeePaw, Jim Henson, healthy couples, more Yu-Gi-Oh, Theo clears a very low bar, eye-plucking, a special kind of consent, and the gift of a sandwich.

We discuss chapters 9-ish through 21 of Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen.  Mr. Darcy makes some spicy remarks - we’d love to get him on the pod.  A wild proposal appears!  For this book, the gang’s opinions are Rachel’s.  Fans of Jackie’s British accent(s) will have a great time this episode!  Theo makes a fool of himself re: shrubbery.  He also compares himself to Mr. Darcy but it’s somehow not a brag.  Topics include: liberries, Ol’ One Ball Bingley, ball confusion, Jackie’s first straight ship, Mr. Bingworth & Mr. Wiggly, a prize for Little D, and another attempt at a polymerization joke.

Content warning: discussion of bullying, suicide, self-harm, mental illness.

Content warning: discussion of bullying, suicide, self-harm, mental illness.

Content warning: The Odyssey contains discussion of violence, sexual assault, animal sacrifice, and slavery.

Content warning: The Odyssey contains discussion of violence, sexual assault, animal sacrifice, and slavery.

Content warning: The Odyssey contains discussion of violence, sexual assault, animal sacrifice, and slavery.

Content warning: The Odyssey contains discussion of violence, sexual assault, animal sacrifice, and slavery.

Content warning: The Odyssey contains discussion of violence, sexual assault, animal sacrifice, and slavery