After my 2nd birth, Baby #3 is always in my mind. However, it was always on hold because my purpose then was to reach out to the new mothers. To achieve that, I attended pre and postnatal massage courses because it was the easiest way to achieve my aim.  It was at that point in time that I really made a decision to totally give up accountancy and not to go back to an office job. For the past 10 years, I attended many courses while doing mummy baby work.

Friends told me “Sharon, you have enough training.” and they did not understand why I was always taking courses. But I felt that there were some doubts inside me that kept me searching for an answer.  It was part of my postnatal recovery and healing to know what I needed to know to overcome and accept the past.  My postnatal was the toughest and I was in search of an answer.

My husband scolded me TRASH and said that I did not know how to take care of our baby.  I felt misunderstood, depressed and angry.  Mother knows best.  I truthfully agree.  But how can a mother know best when there is so much separation of mother n baby from day 1 after the baby is born and especially if everyone is out of a sudden so crazy over the newborn baby and wanted to carry the baby instead of letting the mother and the baby together. 

In my newborn preparation course, I always explain by quoting simple examples for parents to understand. How can 2 people get to know each other better?

Ok, so, you like someone and at first you need to find excuses to meet the person.  Say, oh I passed by here, just drop by to say hi to you.  “How are you? Have you eaten?”  “ok, bye, see you.”

Then both of you meet more regularly, say weekly then daily until both of you decide to get married to live together and share the same room and same bed.

It is the physical presence that a person can get to know another person.  So how can we expect a new mother to know best if the baby is sleeping alone in a separate and dark room by himself.  In the first place, do you feel safe sleeping alone in a dark room?  Then, we expect a new mother to know best when a newborn baby sleeps long and deep in a dark room alone.

While a mother  knows best, the mother's recovery after childbirth is important.  Is her wishes acknowledged and respected?  Does she feel nurtured and supported?

My postnatal recovery took me years. 

I also did overnight newborn baby care for new mummies who needed extra help. After gaining experiences with babies, I further my training in postnatal care for mummy and physiologic baby care.  Many of my doubts in postnatal health of women and baby behaviours were all answered in these courses.  The training was very in depth and detailed.  By this time, I have confident that I know how to take care of myself and my newborn baby if I have baby #3.  It feels very different this time round.  I know what to expect for a newborn baby who requires a 24 hours round the clock care.  I know exactly what to do and how to do things right this time. 

I am full of baby energy and hoping for baby #3 whenever my old or new clients or friends tell me that they are pregnant. I am more than ready for another baby now.

I went to a fortune teller, just a few steps away from my shop for some insight.  When he first looked at my birth year, he said that to increase the chances of conceiving was to do IVF and easier to opt for cesarean.  That was not my option at all.  He is famous, very experienced, fast and accurate in his interpretation.  The consultation was S$18. Then he said that based on my bazi, which is my birth date and time, these 2 years are not favourable for me to conceive.  Later he added that I can try to have baby #3 because based on my bazhi calculation, I have 3 kids. He also asked if I ever had miscarriage before. 

Many years back, I went to another fortune teller and he said I have 3 kids.  I will have a son before age 40 and after the age of 40, I will have daughters.  

Things change slightly now and  I believe we control our own destiny.  

Now the new fortune teller told me that I will have 2 boys and 1 girl and my kids are smart kids.  I already have a son and a daughter. I think my daughter is smart but I am yet to see the potential of my son.  I am not sure if he is smart but perhaps time will tell. 

My husband did not believe in fortune telling.  Before we got married, I suggested that we match our birth dates to see if we were compatible but he did not want to do it.  So, I did not tell them about the fact that I went to a fortune teller regarding baby #3.

My husband is 7 years my senior.  Initially when I said I feel very lonely and alone sometimes and wished to have baby #3, he objected because of our age concern.

I told him that if I am really pregnant, then we can say that it is an accident, unplanned pregnancy so that it will not sound too crazy to have baby #3 eight years after my 2nd birth.  

White lies are ok in some situations.  I remembered my husband told his family that we dated for 1.5 years before we got married so that it made more senses.  But in actual fact, we only went out a few times and within a month I was the one who suggested that we got married soon.

Better to tell white lies than telling the truth to see how others would raise their eyebrow and drop their jaw and eyes in shock. 

I will only try to conceive naturally.  Now I know which hospital and gnae to go to.  What type of birth experience I want.  My baby #3 name will be Owen regardless of whether it is a boy or girl.  Because Owen in chinese has my surname in it.  It is very important not to separate the mummy and baby especially in the first few years.  Ideally is up to 7 years old which marks a big milestone in a child development. So Owen is mine. No one can separate or take away Owen from me. I experienced very serious separation anxiety with my first baby boy. The only way to calm myself down was to place my baby on my chest. I have dream of what the child would become.  How can the child keep me accompanied in the first few years.  I am able to keep the child close to me because I can bring the child to my shop.  I know exactly what I want to do.  I will seek advice from the same fortune teller to name this child and to know what is the best potential of the child.

Key Learnings:-

If you have a wish, just do it.  At least I tried and I have no regrets.

Many clients ask me how to choose gnae, which hospital is good, recommendation for confinement nanny, use epidural or not, cesarean or natural birth.  I also teach in my newborn preparation course regarding these concerns.

It is not about the gnae, hospital, midwife, birth doula or whatever.  First thing first.  Figure out what you want first then see who can give you the type of support you want for your birth experience.  Individual need to work out what is your belief system in terms of birth, labour pain, drug used during the birth n all those stuffs.

Conclusion

If a woman's wish is respected and she can birth her baby her way, then she will be so empowered that there is nothing in...

Rest and warm after childbirth are the keys to good health.  My body was cold, I had wind in my body, I had lower backache so I thought moxibustion warm therapy would be suitable for me.  Four years after the birth of my 2nd baby, I asked my moxibustion trainer to recommend me a suitable spa where I could get the best price as I wanted to do it as long-term maintenance to strengthen my body.  The female therapist was my moxibustion course mate.  I only realised it when I saw an old photo taken some time back at the moxibustion training school.  She was just sitting behind me in the photo.  She is from China but she can type in English when I texted her so it is easy for me.

It was by chance that I got to learn about moxibustion while waiting for a friend outside her shop.  I was earlier and I was looking around.  The moxi training school was 3 shops away.  After completing the course, I knew I needed to do moxi and at that time, I signed the basic 3 months wellness plan.  Each session was about 2 hours but there were 2 therapists who attended to me at the same time.  I did a lot of body parts including facial moxibustion as well.  I knew that my body needed more sessions.  So finally, 2 years later, I went to the spa my moxi trainer recommended.

I religiously followed the wellness plan because I truly knew how it worked.  Initially, it was very intent.  There are 12 sets of products for various parts like kidney, digestion, liver, ovary.   I did a lot of parts including facial and breast moxibustion as well.  After childbirth, my skin was very dry, especially around my eyes area, there were wrinkles so I also did facial moxibustion to improve my skin elasticity and my dull skin.

I did breast moxibustion to prevent sagging breast, improve the lymph and blood circulation.  Doing breast moxi and to clear residual milk even years after I stopped breastfeeding were still necessary for a woman’s breast health.  After I stopped breastfeeding, my breasts were smaller but after the breast moxi with the improved circulation which brings nutrients to the breast, my therapist also noticed that my breast size was bigger.  Since then, I noticed that my breasts are firmer too. 

I was really serious about doing moxibustion to improve my health.  The warmth from burning the mugwort herb, which is the pure yang herb is very powerful.  The warmth helped to clear my meridian pathway to expel coldness, wind and dampness from my body. I signed up for many sessions.  Moxibstion warm therapy is not cheap as with all other natural alternative therapies but it was money well spent.

My memory index was so low that I was afraid that I might have dementia when I get older. So I did head moxi for early prevention. 

The therapist held the burning moxi stick at least 3 cm over the acupuncture points above my skin.  I felt a sense of very deep relaxation because warmth felt very comfortable over my cold body.  I tried my best to go for the session 3x in the first week before I continue to maintain at 2x per week.  My body was warmed up when I followed the wellness plan.  Very soon within the first few sessions in the first week, moxi warm helped me to expel coldness from my body and I started to feel that my soles of the feet were ice cold during every session.  It took me half a year to expel coldness and after that I no longer feel that my feet were cold.  The therapist covered me with layers and layers of towels for half a year.  She was sweating away during my moxi session because I asked her to switch off the air-con which was too cold for me at that time.  After my session, the warm continued to circulate in my body and I got to wear a sweater after the session.

This China lady is a few months younger than me. Many times, during my moxi therapy sessions, I told her that I wished to have a physical shop next time because I always hoped to teach group newborn preparation course and also provide moxibustion therapy.

One day, the female therapist informed me that the rental lease was expiring soon and she was moving out. She asked me to consider if I were keen to takeover the unit. It was not ready to have a physical shop then because I did not know much about how to manage a business if I had a shop.  To encourage me to takeover the shop unit, she came out with a lot of white lies.  

She told me that her fee would be higher in the new location and she would not be able to bring her old existing clients over to her new location.  She told me not to change the shop too much so that her clients could recognize the shop.  She wanted to test my moxibustion techniques on her so that it was easier to recommend me to her client.

So, she would pass the old existing clients to me when I took over the unit.  At the end, she only had one client with a few balance sessions from the package deal for me.

She told me that she would leave everything behind and only removed or disposed of those items that I did not want. At the end, I  realised that they also took away what they needed, especially those costly items like air purifier, expensive paintings.

So, in actual fact, they only left me those items they did not want, mainly old and used items they used for 3 years when they were there and some passed down from the tenant before them. It was obvious that they were not doing very well in the business. 

My first thought at first was that I was not ready.  The reception area was small and I wanted one partition for the massage room to be removed so that there would be a bigger space for me to teach group newborn preparation course.  The takeover fee was S$20,000. 

They also highlighted to me about the re-instatement cost on the rental contract with the owner.  After the end of the contract, I might need to reinstate the shop to its original state and it cost about S$2000.  The actual cost of that when I moved to City Gate at the end of the contract was actually close to S$4000.

Her male partner also helped me to buy a laptop.  He recommended me to a shop at Sim Lim Square, where he said he purchased a few laptops from the same shop before.  I paid S$1400 for a brand new laptop but later I realised that it was a second hand laptop. 

Moxibustion warm therapy is using pure yang herbs-5 years mugwort or ai herbs, which is therapeutic.  It is beneficial not only to our physical health but also to our mental and emotional health because of the deep relaxation of the warm therapy and the uplifting of our yang energy which is the positive energy.  Now, I am more confident, cheerful and positive.

I see great improvement in my overall well-being. My digestion improved and I no longer feel the heaviness and fatigue. My memory improved to within the normal range when I did the machine testing. My clients and my moxi trainer also noticed the difference in me. 

After I took over the shop, I continued to use the machine to do frequent health checks.

Key Learnings:-

To sustain a business and to grow, we need to advertise and apply what we were taught in the course. When we just started up, we are sure to have friends and relatives coming to support us by signing packages with us.  But relying on just a few friends will n...

Welcome to Every Mother Matters.  I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you why I prefer to have a physical shop instead of doing home visits.

Many mummies do not understand why I want to have a shop to pay rental instead of continuing to do home visit services.  Some of my clients are business owners themselves and have a physical shop but they also asked me the same question because it is more popular to do home visits for my services.

I had a lot of training in body massage.  However, I never see myself as a masseuse.  My purpose was to reach out to the new mothers and the easiest way was to do pre and postnatal massage with belly wrapping.  I received many nice reviews from clients on my massage too. I had clients who trusted and loved me so much that they felt so comfortable with me that they wanted me to massage them during their labour in the hospital.  I had prenatal clients who needed the prenatal massage during pregnancy because it was difficult for them to sleep well with the growing fetus inside them.  Normally, they would pay me first and after the massage, when my client dozed off, I would cover them with a blanket, switch off the light and quietly leave the room. I could spend 7 hours travelling and doing 5 hours of work. 

I remembered one day, there was a sudden downpour of rain but I needed to walk to my client's house and when I reached there, my pants were all wet.  After the prenatal massage, my pants were dried.  When I walked out, it rained again. 

I was very hard working then. Sometimes, I reached home past midnight.  It was a very rewarding and fulfilling experience.

I personally did not go for body massage. My first massage was postnatal massage with belly wrapping after childbirth. Even those who don't like to do massage know about postnatal massage and will find masseuse to come to the house to do it.  There is high demand for home visit pre and postnatal massage. 

For home visit massage, many want it cheap and good. So, it is very easy for me to turn away clients.  I once had clients who kept asking about promotion and 1st trial when I was doing home visit services. When I checked her address on “how to go” aps, I realised that the place was at Sentosa.  It is very time consuming and more costly to go to Sentosa because it is far.  I had another client asking for promotion and when the taxi driver asked me was the address at a condo or normal HDB flat.  I said HDB.  We could not find the block number.  To my surprise, my client who was asking for promotion was living in a condo with 2 maids.  

When I just had a shop, one prenatal client asked me about home visit  postnatal massage after childbirth.  I did not want to quote her because she wanted to compare prices.  I just turned her down.  I did not want to get into the business of engaging home visit masseuse and also the coordinating work. So, right from the start when I have a shop, I did not employ masseuse under my business.

I still do home visit services for lactation breast massage and moxibustion warm therapy.  Only in rare situations that I do pre and postnatal massage for clients in the comfort of their homes. My focus is no longer on massage.  With a physical shop, I want to fulfil my dream to teach group newborn preparation course and I also specialised in doing moxibustion warm therapy.

I always felt the need to “get out” and could not station in one place for long.  Home visits used to work out very well for me.  After doing various alternative therapies over the years, it was a breakthrough that I had the thought of settling down and stationed in a place to have a physical shop.  Now, I enjoyed being alone in my shop.  I love the peace and my personal space.  My previous shop at bugis cube was at level 3 where there was a window at the back where the sunlight shined in.  It felt so warm and comfortable.  After 2 years when the contact ended, I moved to City Gate basement 1 where it is really enclosed.   It was really a breakthrough! I feel very comfortable and I no longer feel the need to “get out”. 

I make it a point that I will only consider doing home visit when my client trusts me and knows me long enough. If not, I have heartache when I can understand a baby cry and when I tell my client what to do based on the cry, my client does not trust me and I can’t do anything for the baby.  Sometimes, clients trust their confinement nannies more.

It is much easier for me when my client trusts me.  I visited my client for postnatal massage and moxibustion warm therapy for her husband.  Every time I went to her house, I heard one of the twins crying the need to-be-burp cry.  I suggested that the nanny burp the baby.  She did not take my word seriously.  She carried the baby in the upright position without burping and after a while she put the baby down.  The discomfort was still there and soon the baby cried the same cry again.

Then the nanny told the baby’s daddy that the baby was spoiled already and always wanted to be carried.  My client asked me if it was true because she also thought so.  Because every time when someone carries the baby, he would be quiet but once put down on the cot, the baby would start crying again.  When the baby cried more, there was more air ingested and it eventually caused the little belly to be bloated.  So I explained to my client about the situation and that the baby was not spoiled.  I also helped to massage the baby’s belly to relieve the gas to prevent colic.  If not, eventually with growth spurt, baby would become fussy and difficult too.  I was glad that my client trusted me so that I could help the little newborn baby.

Life is short and when I have found what I want to do with my life after the birth of my 2 children, I need to use my time and resources efficiently.  I need to stay focused and keep chasing my dream to get more signed up for my newborn preparation course and doing moxibustion warm therapy for clients.

At times when I need to take care of my kids, I can bring them to my shop. Supervise them while I work. As a business owner, it is hard to have a balance of work and family life especially the first few years when I spend a lot of effort at work. Without a shop, it is hard to work then go back home for half an hour or 1 hour then travel to work again. 

As age is catching up and I become more mature, I also feel that home visit, given Singapore weather,  will make my body weaker.  After I strengthen my body over the years with alternative therapies after childbirth, my next phase is moving toward menopause.  I did not rest well after childbirth and I missed the golden opportunity  to strengthen my body at that time.  Now, without the travelling time for doing home visits, I can plan my time better and I make it an effort for self love and self care.  The health and well-being of a mother is important to her family and children.  Because the health of the children is entirely dependent on the health of the adults in their lives.  Our job as adults is to support the continuation of life.  We do this by taking responsibility for our own health and wellness.

Key learnings:-

• 
  Stay focused and keep chasing our dream.  We can’t be of service to everyone.  My life, I decide what I want to do.
• My difficult postnatal opened doors for me to explore what my life purpose is. I am glad that I am clear of what I want to do...

I did things differently with my 2nd birth.  I engaged a confinement nanny to stay overnight with my family for 28 days.  My friend recommended her malaysia nanny but I got a Singaporean nanny because I wanted to have part time help in the second month without the nanny staying in my house.   I told the nanny that she must also take care of my boy. At the end of the one month, the nanny told me that there wasn’t a  need to do 2 months confinement.  So I got only 1.5 month help, which I knew was not enough.   One day, while I was preparing to bring my boy downstairs, I could not find my boy in the house. I asked the nanny and she said she did not know because she was busy in the kitchen.  The door was opened and the bicycle was gone.  I rushed downstairs and I saw a big trash truck behind him while he was cycling happily.  I was so scared.

After my confinement, I had a hard time coping. 

Taking care of one toddler and a newborn was overwhelming, especially when I used to bring my boy downstairs 3 times a day before the birth of my daughter.

I struggled with breastfeeding my girl who latched non-stop and she could not sleep, I could not spend time with my boy.  One day, he took his little pair of shoes to me.  He could not express it in words but I understood his gesture that he wanted me to bring him downstairs instead of staying home the whole time day after day. I told him  I could not bring him downstairs because I needed to breastfeed his little sister.After the birth of my girl, I was struggling with breastfeeding so I could not attend to my boy.  He was totally neglected. 

One day, my boy who was 2.5 years old, was making things very difficult for me.  I was depressed and out of desperation, I chased him out of the house, I locked the gate and I looked into his eyes and said to him “you go”.  The next minute, I went to the door and he was really gone. I took my baby’s milk powder and brought my girl to my neighbour and I went to look for my boy.  I was afraid that if my boy boarded the public bus then it would be hard to find him.  After an hour of search, I called my mother-in-law.  She said to go to the police station because someone might bring my boy to the police station. I also called my natural therapist-siew fan and she used the pendulum to check for an answer and she also asked me to head towards the police station.  I went to the police station to make a police report.  They came to my house to ask for my boy’s photo.

My boy witnessed my screaming and shouting.  When I was depressed and physically very weak, I simply could not take care of a toddler who needed my attention and a newborn baby.

It was so hard to get my boy to nap.  From baby time until he was a toddler, he preferred to play more than anything.  He would only sleep after he used up all his energy.  When I was pregnant, it did not cross my mind to attend a baby care course.  Feeding, burping, sleeping, bathing all seemed too simple to learn.  No one actually brought the topic up to me or warned me about how tough or painful breastfeeding could be.  I totally missed it out.  To me, postnatal was the hardest to cope with. 

My mother disliked girls.  There was no room in my mother’s heart for a daughter. I understand that not all parents love their child.  Sometimes, it is the wrong time to get pregnant or it is an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy.   I believe that every child loves their parents. I longed for motherly love and protection but my voice was never being heard or respected.  I was seeking a relationship which never happened between my mother and I.  I wanted to build that relationship with my baby.

It was important that I bond with my baby and understand what my baby wanted. At least to give breastmilk to my baby even if it was not direct latching.  Due to all the stress, I had more tears than milk.  My baby was fed mainly formula.  I managed to maintain my low milk supply for more than a year with regular pumping.

That was the emotional reason why I take breastfeeding so hard.  Life would be much easier if I just gave up breastfeeding, fed my baby girl formula milk and spent time with my active boy. 

My boy thought that now mummy only loves the baby.  To have his mother back, my boy used his little sister’s hair clips on his hair.. He smiled sweetly at me. My poor boy!  For many years down the road, I explained to him that I love him more because I always wanted a boy.  That did not stop him from bullying his little sister and making things difficult for her and often made her cry.

When my postnatal masseuse came to massage me, my boy was so angry and shouted at her “dont touch my mummy”!  Then I arranged an old colleague of mine to help me take care of my boy while I was doing the massage.

It was easier when we arranged to send him to a child care centre and later we engaged a maid at home.  I was experiencing separation anxiety and I missed my boy so much when he was not at home.  His absence brought tears to my eyes.

On the first few days in the childcare centre, I had a hard time separating from my boy.  I would wait and peek outside to see if my boy was ok in the new environment.  The teachers were surprised to see that I was still around outside the gate where other parents had left already.  Boy was happy to have other playmates of his age and new toys and new things to learn.  He seemed to be having fun in the childcare whereas I was missing him so much at home.

Eventually, things got better and I also adjusted to the routine of leaving him at the childcare centre.

I knew that my boy had yin yang eyes and it is quite common in young children. When he was 5 years old, he was suddenly too frightened to go to the kindergarden.  He told me that there was a scary monster on the white board and he dared not enter his classroom. I asked him to describe the scary monster on the white board. I heard him and acknowledged his fear.  Then I thought I saw that monster in one of the story books he read.  I turned to the page and pointed it to him to confirm.  He replied and said yes.  He was so scared everyday that he dare not go inside the classroom for lessons.  I did not want to see my boy living in great fear everyday.  I brought him to my natural therapist-siew fan.  She suggested that I change school for my boy.  So I did.  I wanted to put him into a vegetarian kindergarten but he was on the waiting list. So I ended up signing up for the nearby kindergarten.  He was ok at the new kindergarten except one day he refused to go for class.  Then my husband found out and he said  boy was telling lies about the monster on the broad because he did not want to go to school. I thought my husband must hide somewhere to watch us in the morning to know that boy refused to go to school that day. I felt very stressed in the morning to make sure that my boy attended school every day.  I told my boy, if he refused to go to the new school then daddy would bring him to the monster's school again.

Key Takeaway:-

We don't have to learn through our mistakes and painful experiences. 

A new mother needs to rest so that she can recover well from childbirth.  Every woman desires to be wel...

In my previous episode, I talked about my fear of hospitals and how I got into natural and alternative therapies. I explored various healing methods after childbirth.  I experienced a lot of emotion after the birth of my 1st born and it affected me a lot.  A few years ago, I chanced upon the poster of Deki Soh,  the first UK Bach registered practitioner in Singapore.  The poster was talking about how to use bach flower remedy for all the emotions we experienced and can help to balance them.  I immediately contacted Deki Soh for a private consultation session.

After a few private sessions with Deki Soh, I attended her level 1 and 2 Bach remedy class. In the class, there are 38 flower essences for you to balance your emotion. As long as we can identify the emotion, there is a matching flower remedy for it.  It helps me to tune inwards to my own emotions in the present time and situation so that I can accurately identify and acknowledge my feelings to select the right remedy. Don’t be mistaken, these are all flower essence, which is different from essential oil.

During the level 2 class, Deki was sharing about the holy remedy.  She mentioned the use of the remedy for various situations.  I thought to myself, ok I felt that I needed the remedy and immediately I reached out to the holy remedy from the wooden box and dropped 2 drops into my cup of water and drank it.  The next minute when I looked up to my trainer, she looked so beautiful to me.  I looked at my trainer and told her that she looked so beautiful.  Then I turned to my left and looked at my course mate.  I told her she looked so lovely.  I looked to my right where my course mate-Ben was sitting.  I said to him, he looked so cute too.  He was shocked when I told him that I did not like him at first because he talked so softly and he was so gentle.  I just did not have the patience for people like him.  But after taking the holy remedy, everything and everyone look and feel different to me. So amazing! because it happened instantly after taking just 2 drops of the remedy. 

This is how I use the remedies

I use Willow remedy whenever I feel resentful towards my husband. Eg when he did not seem to have as many limitations placed on his interests and needs.  Or when he went to his mother’s house for dinner and came back watching endless hong kong movies. After using Willow, I do not feel any resentment and it helps me to control my emotions.

It is natural for a mother to be concerned for her baby, but I was overly concerned and overly worried for my baby.  In the hospital when my 1st baby was separated from me in the nursery room for jaundice treatment, I could not sleep.  I walked to the nursery room 3 times at night to ask the nurse what my baby was doing.  One night, I heard my baby crying in the nursery room.  I went to ask what my baby boy was doing and the nurse replied he was sleeping.  Then shortly the nurse told me he was crying.  The separation seemed so long and it was very quiet at night.  I could easily differentiate my boy’s cry from other babies. 

My ears could differentiate my boy’s cry but not my breasts. I remembered when I was at baby fair, I felt the painful sensation of let-down of milk when I heard other baby’s crying for milk.  I felt exhausted from all the emotions inside me. I was not able to do anything to help myself then because I did not have the knowledge.  Now, I learn that using Red chestnut will help to allay those fears and put them into true perspective. I can help new mothers in balancing their emotions.

Pine is the remedy to help us to remove the blame we have attached to ourselves.  

I seeked my mother’s love but she did not like girls.  I did not have a sense of belonging and also long for togetherness.  I felt very lonely growing up.  It was very important that I bond and form an attachment with my baby. Breastfeeding is not only about milk.  The closeness and that special relationship I shared with my baby, will also cement the bond between us. 

Especially with my 2nd baby, she was so thin in the first month from breastfeeding. It was very challenging.  When the baby doctor said that her growth was below the standard, he suggested feeding formula.  When I requested to meet the lactation consultant for advice, she told me that the latch was not proper.  Baby was suckling on the nipple only.  Because of that, my baby did not get enough milk.  When she explained it to my husband about my case, she told him that I did not have enough milk, which was different from what she explained to me.  I quickly told her not to say that to my husband but she repeated to him that I did not have enough milk.  I felt helpful.  I felt betrayed.  I thought to myself what the lactation consultant was up.

I blamed myself and I felt so guilty that I did not manage to feed my baby well because I take it for granted that baby latch was ok since she latched so well for the first 2 hours right after birth that I felt the contraction in the womb as it was shrinking.  I birthed at home and there was no interruption at all.  No wonder my baby girl was always hungry and it was so tough to put the baby down to sleep. 

Olive, being the remedy for tiredness, is also a beneficial remedy to bear in the mind, because not only about the disturbed sleep due to worry, but physically having to work, clean, cook, entertain, bath and clothe the child every day, when we have more than enough on our mind to cope with already, can be thoroughly exhausting.  This remedy works well for both mental and physical exhaustion.  

One day, I was feeling mentally and physically exhausted so I took the remedy - olive so that I could sleep well.  But I was still awake and could not sleep.  I was as tired in the morning the following day.  Then I thought to myself what was the true cause of insomnia. Then I realised that it was not purely exhausted.  The exhaustion was due to too much work to be completed.  The true cause of insomnia was overwhelmed.

I took Elm remedy and it worked. I slept well that night and woke up fresh.

Takeaway:

There is no right or wrong emotion. With the help of bach flower remedy, we are at a balance state to be the best of who we are.  

Conclusion

I am glad that I attended the course.

Health is not only physical, it also affects emotional and mental health.

Self care is also self love.  It is important while we as mothers take great care of our children, we must also learn to take care of ourselves so that we can always present the best version of ourselves.  Only then we can be the great model for our children.

You can connect with me through my facebook, instagram and Linkedin and my links will be in the show notes.  I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more stories and tips.

Welcome to Every Mother Matters.  I’m Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my experience with alternative therapies Part 1

Due to my fear of hospitals and as I am into natural and alternative therapies, I explore various healing methods after childbirth.

I attended a free talk on chiropractic and I tried it.  It was a very slow process and costly as I signed up for many sessions.  I experienced an acute lower backache everytime when I bent forward to carry my baby boy when he was 5 months old. I knew I needed the spine alignment as I wanted a second baby too.  The alignment was about 10 mins at most but the waiting time was longer.  It was very tough for me to do so many sessions.  I got to bring my 5 months old baby along as no one else was taking care of him.  I was very disappointed to hear from the chiropractor that for my case, I was not quite done yet at the end of my package.  I spent a lot already and it was a very slow process, so I did not want to do more.

As my mother was in her 50s when she was going into menopause, her mood swing was very obvious.  She would be very emotional and threatened to jump out of the window and the next minute when my father or brother came home, she would make herself a cup of tea and she would drink it like nothing had happened.

Living in constant fear had a bad impact on my health.

One of my friends was a coordinator in Singapore promoting an energy course which is called the Gentle Bio-Energetics.  It sounded interesting so I signed up for the course. I realised that for many years later I could not expand my lung to take in deep breath.  My chest felt very tight.  When I was practicing energy work with my course mates, it helped me to break down the armouring, which helped to protect me for years.  The gentle touch was indeed very powerful.

Emotional freedom technique (EFT)

I was at a bakery shop and I just asked for any recommendation of a natural therapist. It was by chance that I got to know my natural therapist - siew fan who used various techniques and skills.  She used EFT for me. She has many years of experience.  It worked very well for me.  She always phased the sentences so accurately for me to do the EFT tapping. I went to her when I was 5 month pregnant.  I was very fearful of the hospital and I was so nervous, I felt my heart was pumping out of my body when I went to the hospital for my 1st routine checkup. She also did energy work for me and I felt more grounded.

Sound healing

The vibration of sound is very penetrating and powerful.  I went to Lena Chen.

At first I was not sure about how sound healing could help me.  After much consideration, I finally sent Lena just a few simple texts telling her my concerns. She checked with my guides and told me that she could help and I need not meet up with her to do the therapy.  I was glad that sound healing was very simple, effective and did not need much effort on my part.  Each audio was about 1.5 mins.  Lena is very responsive, committed and has a lot of insights about her clients.  I could feel subtle changes going on within me. I had flashes of past memories. Sometimes, I felt that her voice was very comforting and understanding.  Other times, I felt my heart was opening up.  Now, I feel differently over the same issue.  My perspective has changed and I feel differently about myself.  Most importantly, I do not feel that Lena, as  therapist, is a step higher than her client who needs her help or client becomes poorer and therapist becomes richer. I find her charges are reasonable and affordable.  

Moxibustion warm therapy

I did not believe in the Traditional Chinese method until after the birth of my 2 children. I coped badly and it took me a long time to recover.  I was physically very weak and mentally drained to a point where there is no way not to take action to improve my health and well-being. 

One day, while waiting for my classmate outside her spa, I chanced upon a training school just a few shops away.  I was watching the video showing the TCM method using acupuncture points.  The staff saw me and invited me into the training school.  After understanding the course, I knew this was what I was looking for.  I placed a deposit immediately. 

I knew that I needed moxibustion warm therapy too. I signed up for the basic 3 month wellness plan.  After 2 years, I knew that it was time for me to do long term maintenance.  By then my school only focused on training and I asked my trainer to help me find a suitable spa where I could go. She recommended a suitable spa.  It was really value for money.  I see great improvement in my overall health. It took me 6 months to expel coldness from my body.  That was how weak my body was to start of with. 

Spine/bone alignment

One day, I passed by a spa after lunch and there was a guy who happened to stand there.  I stopped and chatted with him a bit and asked what services the spa provides.  He told me he is a TCM doctor and my bone was a bit missed aligned.  It was my concern for some time and I had been looking for a TCM doctor.  One day, after my alignment, Dr David observed the way I walked and corrected me.  He also reminded me of a few other things to take note. When I remember, I will be more mindfulness.  Old habits are hard to change but being mindful and the willingness to improve my posture, I can do it.

I watched Chris Leong doing bone alignment on Youtube and thought to myself I wanted to go to Malaysia one day to look for him.  I was glad to meet Dr David instead.  After a few sessions of alignment, I feel so different. I always felt tightness on my upper back.  Now I understood that my chest tightness affected my upper back as well.

Health is not only physical, it also affects emotional and mental health.  

EP Story-Needle therapy

I experienced great pressure on my left eye.  While waiting for the appointment in the hospital for checkup, I went to the TCM doctor.  That was the first time I tried acupuncture needle treatment.  The doctor did not do anything directly on my eye but worked on my spine and one point on both my hands.  He did spine alignment for me too. I felt immediate relief after one session.  The treatment was not painful. The doctor also prescribed medication and did bone alignment for me.  I feel that I missed out the golden opportunity to strengthen my body after the birth of my 2 children. In the TCM concept, the last chance to regain our health and strength is during menopause. Now I need to do long term maintenance to make sure that I do not miss out on that.  

My fear

When my mother was in her 50s, she was very emotional and manipulative. She would always threaten to jump out of the window. When I was a teenager, my biggest fear was that when I reached home, my mother was dead and there were police at my block.

It was a very confusing situation because when there was any water on the floor, my mother would always want us to wipe it dry.  But on the other hand, she always threatened to die.

Home never felt comfortable, safe or a shelter to me.  Home was a place I did not want to return to at the end of a busy day.

I felt uncomfortable staying in an enclosed environment and there was a need to "get out". I could not stay in a workplace for long without feelin...

My 2nd birth was 3.5 hrs.  When my husband came home from work, he asked if I needed to go to the hospital.  I was not sure because my 1st labour was 40 hours. So, I told him maybe not so soon.  He brought my boy to my mother-in-law’s house, which was nearby.  When they left about 5 mins later, I called my husband to come home.  I thought I birthed my baby girl already but my husband said only half the baby’s head.  I breathe in and breathe down to my baby to birth my baby.  My husband then received our baby. The 1st question I asked was whether it is a boy or girl because I wanted 2 boys but the doctor said it was a girl.  My boy was hard to manage and I told my daughter that it is so nice to have a daughter.  If not, two boys attack mummy at the same time how.

Shortly after I birthed my girl, my confinement nanny arrived then followed shortly by my birth doula.

I experienced water bag leakage throughout 10 over hours before I birthed my baby.  There was not much painful contraction.  I only felt the pain like I had a small cut and the wound over the running tap water.  With my 1st baby, I only felt tightening of the abdominal muscles and mainly the nerve pain at my sacrum area when my baby shifted his position 2 days before labour.  Both my births were drug free because I did not want anything to be injected into my body.  It was not about the needle.  I believe my body knows how to carry a baby to full term and how it should birth the baby.  My basic belief is why natural birth should be painful.  I was not affected by the outside voices that said that women need pain management during labour because the fear the putting drugs into my body was too much for me.

When my water bag started to leak, I called my doula to come to my house but she did not feel the need to come yet.  I was home and the leaking continued for more than 10 hours. When I felt some tightening of muscles at the belly area, I called my doula again.  I birthed within 3.5hr.  There was a traffic jam during peak hour when my doula was on her way to my house so she did not support me during my labour. 

After baby was born, my doula arrived. My birth doula did not know what to do and she called her boss to guide her. I was fine with that since I already birthed my baby.  At that time, I did not feel the different between an experienced and a new doula.  I was her 5th client. She helped me latched my baby and my baby had very strong suck.  I breastfed for an hour. 

I had leg cramp and she helped to massage me.  I put my baby on my breast after birth.  I did not realise that 2 hours had passed.  I tried to sit up to go to the hospital.  My husband and doula were in the room with me but they did not give me a helping hand when I was trying to sit up.  After numerous attempts to sit up, I fainted.  Then my doula tried to call for ambulance. It was quite long after I birthed my baby.

Planned home birth was costly.  It was an intended homebirth so I still need to go to the hospital.

When the paramedic came, he took out a very big needle, which was meant to help me deliver the placenta.  I told him I did not need it.  I would settle it in the hospital.

The hospital viewed the delay in going to the hospital and the fact the umbilical cord clamping was much delayed was dangerous to my baby.  Quite soon after we arrived at the hospital, Baby was sent to the ICU under observation.  She was soon transferred to the normal nursery when the baby doctor was happy with her condition.

Baby jaundice

On the 3rd day, my baby girl got jaundice.

I was very weak n dizzy.  I dragged myself to the ICU to see my baby, which was at a different level.

When I put my baby vertically on my chest. My baby tried to lift up her head twice to see my face but failed.  On the third attempt, she finally did it.  I was glad.

On the 3rd day, baby had jaundice. To save medical bills and prevent my husband from nagging about the cost, I decided to be discharged. I told the nurse that I was at the discharge lodge and she could call me anytime to breastfeed my baby. 

I was not strong enough to sit upright and due to the bad sitting position, I suffered lower backache for many years. Medical bill for both of us was S$998 only.

Separation and observation affected the breastfeeding.  Back home, baby could not come to my breast.  I ended up doing pumping and feeding breastmilk using the bottle.

 3 takeaways:-

I felt that it was important to listen to our inner voice and instinct.  Find the right people I trusted to support me during the birth so that I felt confident, supported of my wish and I could relax, tune in to my body to focus on birthing my baby.

Take charge of my own birthing.  I could have told the doula how she could support me instead of just let her sit opposite me and watch me. 

Conclusion

Every doula is different. I cannot expect them to know exactly what I want without me telling them properly.  In life is the same as birthing, we need to take charge and control the situation even though they may be professionals.  The power is in our hands.

You can connect with me through my facebook, instagram and Linkedin and my links will be in the show notes.  I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more stories and tips.

In my 20s, I loved to watch Bollywood Hindi movie.  My time was Aishiwarya Rai.  She is one of the most beautiful women on earth.  I love to watch Hrithik Roshan too. He is a great dancer and an actor. I watched Hindi movie on TV every weekend and my hang out place was at Little India street.  I love spices and I love Indian food.  Super delicious and tasty.

I was fascinated by Bollywood dance and signed up for Indian dance class when I was 32.  I wanted to learn Bollywood dance but signed up for traditional Indian dance by mistake.  Indian girls start learning traditional Indian dance from a very young age.  My classmates were about 8 years old.

Those were the days. Time flies.  Now, I cannot understand the new Bollywood movie.  I am out-dated. That is when I know I am not young anymore.  I am more mature now and I love it. Life is beautiful with family and children.

When I was pregnant in my 1st trimester, I had a dream.  I wanted a boy.  In my dream, I dreamt that one Indian young girl cried so badly and wanted to be my child.  I really felt sad to see her crying so badly as I love Indian but I was very sure I wanted a baby boy and I rejected her straight away.  She was very upset and still crying hard but I walked away.

Two days before I went into labour, I experienced nerve pain at my lower back at the sacrum area.  I could not sleep well or eat well for 2 days as the nerve pain was persistent.

At that time, I was very fearful of hospitals.  Home birth was too costly and so I chose water birth in the hospital and I engaged a doula to support me throughout my labour.

When I felt some contractions on the 3th day, I informed my doula to come to my house.  There was no pain, just some contractions but the nerve pain was still there throughout my labour.  I asked the doula to use her hand to gently tap on my sacrum area.  Once she stopped tapping, the nerve pain was still there and causing much discomfort.

I did not want to take any drug or have any medical intervention because I was very fearful of any drug injected into my body.  Despite all the voices and belief that women need pain relief measures during labour, I trusted my body to know what to do to carry the baby to full term and to know how to birth a baby.

My thinking is that it is very normal and natural to have a baby and to give birth.  My basic belief is why labour should be painful.  There was no 2nd option.  I only wanted natural birth without any drugs. It was my body and my baby.  I chose a pro natural gnae who supported natural birth and water birth.  Despite the fact that I was 37 when I birthed my 1st baby boy, my pregnancy was not high risk.

My doula did not realise that my baby shifted his position slightly and he was pressing on my nerve on the lower back.  My doula thought that what I was experiencing was the early stage of labour pain. 

Basically, I felt that there was a bit of neglectance because labour contraction is not persistence and different from nerve pain which is persistent discomfort and pain.

When the contractions got stronger, my doula supported me all the way to the hospital until baby was born. 

She started to set up the inflatable birth tub and check for the right temperature of the warm water.  My husband finds water birth a kind of dangerous and was not really into it but he supported me throughout my labour.  He even went into the birth tub with me.  I went in and out of the birth tub.  In total, I was in the birth tub for 7 hrs but I did not birth my baby in the water. 

At one point, I felt a very strong urge to push but I regretted not listening to my body.  Instead, I asked my doula if I be pushing when I was not at 10cm yet.  My labour was progressing very slow.  My doula was silent.  She was sitting opposite me at the other end of the birth tube watching me.  Soon the midwife came and I asked her the same question-Should I push when I felt the strong urge to push but I was not 10cm yet.  She hesitated for quite awhile and finally answered I should follow my body to push.  My doula was still sitting opposite me and watching me.  I did not feel supported or encouraged to follow my body and I hesitated.  I regretted not following my body to push.  When I was inside the warm water, I did not feel the nerve pain.

I wanted to get out of the birth tub and I stood up but I did not realise that it was the middle of the night and it was so cold that I was shivering.  But my doula did not act fast enough or warn me that it was cold.

I felt that my doula did not have enough knowledge and skill to provide me with adequate support.  She was more of a companion keeping me accompanied during my labour.  However with her presence, I managed to have natural birth.  If not, my hubby told me he wanted to suggest a c-section as the labour went on too long.  He did not voice out because he knew that the doula and I would not agree.  Luckily, I engaged a doula who at least served that purpose.

Even though I had my husband, doula, midwife and gnae, I did not feel supported during my 40 hrs of labour.  I felt very much alone to birth my baby.

My labour continued to drag on.  I did not feel contraction pain.  The gnae came in and out of the room to check my progress.  I did not feel safe seeing my gnae because I was not the medical person.  I did not feel safe and relax to birth in the hospital.

My water bag did not burst or leak.  The 1st time the gnae suggested bursting my water bag to speed up the labour, I rejected it because I did not want any intervention.  So, the gnae continued to monitor me.  After some time, she came in again to check on my progress and explained to me how the procedure was done and I was certain that there was no drug used at all.  I agreed to it. I felt that my doula should explain the fact that there was no drug used when the gnae 1st suggested it.  Once she bursted my water bag, the pressure was instantly gone and so there was no more nerve pain.  The gnae suggested episiotomy so that it was easier to birth my baby and I agreed. Soon after that, I birthed my baby.  His weight was 3.5kg and 49cm.

I wanted to have delayed umbilical cord cramping. After the baby is born, the gnae said that the cord was not pulsing anymore.  My husband later told me that he wanted to suggest that I go for caesarean as the labour was long but did not voice out because I would not agree and my doula would support me in that too.  He finds waterbirth dangerous and after learning from the gnae that there was no pulsation of the umbilical cord right after my baby was born actually, made him feel that what I was doing was in fact very dangerous. 

His worry about our baby's safety was understandable.  When I went to meet the gnae for post check-up, I checked with the gnae about my husband’s concern over the safety of my baby.  But my husband refused to meet the gnae with me.  He was taking care of the baby outside the gnae’s office.  The gnae told me that the baby was safe and it was common that there was no pulsation immediately after the baby was born. My husband did not bother to listen to the explanation as he felt there was no need too.

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Before I was pregnant, I was not in the pink of health.  I knew that my digestion was very weak and I had chronic fatigue symptoms.  My energy level was very low too.  I was tired from Monday to Sunday.  As meat was hard to digest, I became a vegetarian.  I had a group of friends who were raw eater and vegetarians.  I wanted to find an alternative way to improve my digestion.  I thought raw food was the answer because it was easy to digest.  In fact, based on my body constitution, raw food made my body even weaker.  After giving birth to my 1st baby, my body was simply too weak.  My labour was 40 hours and I did not have proper rest after childbirth as we did not engage a confinement nanny or maid and my husband did not extend his leave to help up after our baby was born. 

My friend recommended to me her neighbour’s maid who was good at handling kids and doing housework.  I was considering having a helper at home and I discussed it with my husband.  He did not see the need because we were expecting our first baby only. He thought that I should be able to handle it as well as his mother who has 4 childrens.

We did not engage a confinement nanny because I did not trust anyone to handle my newborn and the nanny cost was high.

After my 40 hours of labour, I was physically very weak.  My baby slept a lot and never woke up for milk.  I could not sleep so I rested in bed.  I wanted to carry my baby and placed my baby on my chest or sleep beside me.  I asked the nurse if it was possible.  The nurse told me that it was not so safe for the baby.  So again, I did not listen to my instinct.  I missed my baby a lot even though he roomed in with me, but I needed to sit up to see his face.  I should have asked the nurse to push the baby’s cot next to my bed.  I was exhausted from worrying about my baby.  

I was not in the mind to watch the time to wake my baby up every 2 to 3 hours. My Baby continued to sleep and barely woke up for milk. 

On the 3rd day, my baby had jaundice and needed to be under phototherapy in the nursery room.  I missed my baby even more. 

2 days before my labour, I was not sleeping and eating well due to my nerve pain.  Plus 40 hours of labour and 2 days of worrying and missing my baby.  I did not slept for a few days already.  At night, I went to the nursery room 3x to peek outside and asked the nurse how my baby was.  My gnae was informed about it too but no one said any comforting words to me.  My husband scolded me for going to the nursery room instead of resting.  Probably due to too much separation, I ended up with separation anxiety and depression.  There were gnae, midwife, nurses, my husband, my doula but I felt very much alone without support.

On the 4th day stay in the hospital, I finally dozed off at night.  I woke up when I heard my husband snoring.  I started to miss my baby a lot and went to the nursery room again.

Later, I learned from a friend that I could request the hospital to bring the machine and baby to my private ward to room-in with me.  I guessed it was much easier for the nurse and baby doctor to keep my baby at the nursery.

In the hospital after I birthed my baby, I was emotionally and physically exhausted and became very teary.  My case was referred to the women’s health department.  The person-in-charge of my case was a very nice and educated lady.  She called me once in a while to follow up on my case.  I also joined other mummies in the group gathering, which was held once a month.  It was nice meeting up with other mummies.  Some mummies were taking anti-depression drugs prescribed by the doctor.  The feedback I got from one of the mummies was that if she did not take the drug, her husband would see the difference in her condition and reminded her to take the drug.  She was taking things very hard on herself because both of her daughters were special needs children as she explained that they were both slow in learning as compared to normal kids.  So, she needed to personally take care of her childrens. I could understand why she was depressed.  I guessed anyone in her shoes facing the same situation would feel the same even if we put a man in the same situation. How individuals handle the situation may be different and the choice chosen may be different.

Even though the lady in charge of my case also recommended medication for my case, I did not see it as a solution.  So, I did not go to the doctor for the drug. 

In fact, I never see myself as sick or having any mental issues.  Many postnatal depression or postnatal degeneration was viewed as a pathology but I think otherwise.  I was feeling very lonely, overwhelmed, mentally and physically exhausted.  What I truly needed was proper rest, postnatal support, encouraging words.  I felt misunderstood by the experts, professionals and family. 

I feel that in marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and postnatal, we never know what we are really entering into even with technology advancement and all the expertise and family members around.

I saw a youtube video which explained that basically the primary caretaker was sleep deprived of 700 hours in the 1st year after the baby was born.  For the husbands to understand this, they need to know that the wife loses 500cc of blood during natural childbirth. So imagine if the husband donated 500 cc of blood today and for the following one year, he is 700 hours lack of sleep. Then what happened to his body? Will he look as good now?  Not possible, correct? Then what happens to his nervous system, digestion, mental alertness, mood and the general health and well-being? Can you imagine?

To understand what the wife is going through, the husband needs to know that the wife is still losing energy, heat and blood through lochia and breastfeeding.  That is a lot!

Lochia is not menses.  It is still bleeding but is postnatal bleeding after childbirth.

Breast milk is the energy that converts the blood into milk. So, postnatal woman is losing energy, heat and blood through external gestation which is breastfeeding.  

I knew I was not in the right state because instead of feeling joyful with my newborn, I was overwhelmed, worried and started to experience separation anxiety when my baby was not with me.  I contacted my natural therapist to check if she was able to visit me in the hospital on that day or we could arrange a day.  Monday was her rest day and she did not want to work because it was important for her and her work that she was doing, she needed her day off.  We did not follow up on that.

There were many relatives from my husband’s side coming to the hospital.  All were too excited about the birth of my baby.  The first grandson from the son in the family.  

I felt that the only person who came to visit me was my father.  The rest came to see my baby, not me.  I felt a lack of family support and understanding.  It took me years to regain my strength and well-being.

My husband did not understand what I went through. Initially I was glad that he took one month leave to help me with confinement but when I was discharged on the 5th day, which was on a sunday, he finished his leave and was back to work on the next day.  My husband ...

I always feel that I was the odd one in the family.  I was the only one at home who love to study.  My mother disliked me more because I love to study.  She said that I did not do anything except sitting down the whole day.   Big bosses also did not study much but they were rich.  I later understood her words when I read the book RICH DAD POOR DAD by Robert Kiyosika.  He is really rich! So I told my kids if they don’t like to study then learn how to earn money.  There are many ways to earn money and make a living.  Not everyone is good at studying but it is ok as everyone has a different talent.

Once, when I was taking a course, my husband saw me studying for exam. He also commented that I sat the whole day and did nothing at home. In my horror, he sounded like my mother.  They shared the same thinking.  Sometimes, I thought to myself, no wonder there is a saying that says that we tend to marry someone like our mother or father.  

My husband is a responsible man. He does not smoke and seldom drinks alcohol.  Luckily, he is also not a football fan, who will drink alcohol while watching football games.  But I seriously cannot figure out why he is like my mother.  Maybe just great minds think alike. 

Life is interesting! I don’t want my girl to marry someone like my husband, who is sometimes like my mother.  So, I always explain and reason with my girl what type of boy to look out for since she was 3 years old.  One day, she told me “so difficult, until die also cannot find!”  I was completely in shock and speechless to hear that.  Then I thought to myself “wow, is it a mission impossible to find a suitable good boy?”  

My voice was never being heard or respected in my family.  It is also the case with my husband.  As kids grew bigger, I talked less to save my energy and breath.  Life is too short to fight over small issues.  I let go and let my husband take charge.  We really have different ways and thinking.

He said I am lazy because when I cook, I will ask both my kids to help out in the kitchen.  He thinks that they are simply too young to do anything.  So he takes over the cooking.  In fact, he is a good cook too.  He does everything at home and with the kids’ school work.

I hardly need to  do anything at home.  Even though I do everything at my shop, like a one woman show, he refused to come to my shop to help up as he feels that I should go back to my office job.  

I have a different purpose in life now and I don't want to die with regrets.  

I love to upgrade myself.  I don’t like to travel but I love to spend on courses.  The more I study, the more I need to learn because there is so much to learn.  The major part of what I am doing now is to continue to upgrade myself with new skill and knowledge so that I can be an informed and updated instructor.

After having a bumpy transition to motherhood, I understand the emotional and physical needs of modern new mothers. I began to learn and equip myself with new knowledge and skill about postnatal care for mother and baby care and I went further to get myself certified.  I believe that every woman deserves to be well supported in her journey to motherhood. 

One of my friends was a coordinator in Singapore promoting an energy course which is called the Gentle Bio-Energetics.  It sounded interesting so I signed up for the course.  Energy work is effective but not known to the new mothers at all.  

To reach out to the mothers, I started with learning prenatal and postnatal massage with belly wrapping. These are WSQ advanced certificate modules. When I was attending TCM sports massage, my trainer who is a chinese physician asked me to complete the requirement to get a full advance certificate.  To fulfil the requirements, I took up the 4 more theory modules.

In fact, I got my CIBTAC diploma in body massage first before I got my WSQ full advanced certificate.

I completed many massage courses but I never see myself as a masseuse.  My purpose was to reach out to the new mothers and doing massages was the easiest way.  I remembered that my first massage was my postnatal massage with belly wrapping after I birthed my first baby. 

I put on 14 kgs during my 1st pregnancy.  Putting on weight to have a healthy baby was a wonderful experience.  Pregnant woman looks very beautiful to me. I like looking at them.  I did not know there was prenatal massage for pregnant women when I was pregnant.   I had muscle tension and a lot of discomfort and backache due to the growing fetus inside me, especially in the last trimester.  My belly was really super big like as if I was carrying twins.  I only apply oil occasionally on my belly.  Luckily I do not have stretch marks. 

After the massage courses, I did not have a mentor.  I just need to apply what I learnt and perfect the skill through experience and feedback from mothers.  Some were more verbal and expressive and gave me valuable feedback on my strength and weakness.

I had clients who loved me so much that they asked me if it was possible for me to massage them during their labour in the hospital.  I said I had no problem but the hospital would not allow me to go into the delivery suite.  Because of my clients’ request, I did explore and attended some basic birth doula and spinning babies courses.  The only way to attend birth is to be a birth doula.  After the course, I was sure that it was not the service I wanted to provide.  I did not see myself to be doing a birth doula job.

To massage a labouring woman would be awesome.  I would love to support the labouring woman to the best of my ability.  But to be a certified birth doula to be able to go into the delivery suite is a different story altogether.  Especially true for my case where I did see hospital as a safe place and I had fear of hospital.  I am personally very scared of medical intervention.  I don’t even see vaccination as safe.  It is not about the needles.  I have no fear of needles.  It is the substance that is going to be injected into my body that I see it as unsafe.

I engaged birth doulas for my two births. I knew how they worked.  Basically doula has no say in the hospital.  They are not the hospital staff.

I started doing home visit pre & postnatal massage while doing part time studies again.  I continue to upgrade myself and invest the money on online courses.  After the basic certificate and diploma training, I wanted to learn more and I thought to myself that I wanted to go for more advanced training in postnatal care.  I had in my mind to learn from a midwife and I need flexibility in training as I was too busy to go and attend in-person live class. 

I am hungry for knowledge. After every course, I will be thinking about what is the next course I want to attend. I realised that I spend a lot on training.  To make it possible, I will wait for the early bird discount which is between 10 to 30% discount.  Some courses only have such a big discount once a year and so I will wait.  

I need to be wise not to overspend as I have a physical shop to maintain and also my business is a pte ltd company, costs are higher.

Many modern mothers do not se...

 Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I'm Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you why I setup MBC Wellness. 

My pregnancy was wonderful.  I just felt physically tired growing a fetus inside me.  Putting on weight to grow a healthy baby was perfectly a wonderful experience too. My 40 hour of labour was fine as I only experienced discomfort as baby shifted his position 2 days before the labour, which pressed against my nerve and caused nerve pain at the lower back, at the sacrum area. My challenge started after being discharged from the hospital when I, as an inexperienced new mother, was left alone to take care of a newborn baby.  That was simply crazy for any new inexperienced first time mother!

I did not engage a confinement nanny or order confinement meal after I birthed my first baby. 

The initial plan was that my husband applied for one month leave to help me and I was very happy about the arrangement. 

I always wanted a full term baby and I checked with my gynae how many weeks passed my expected date of delivery before he would take any action. I was very fearful of hospital and any medical intervention or childbirth complication. 

My mother-in-law told me that my baby would be born at least two weeks earlier because it was normally the case when the first pregnancy was a baby boy. I did not want to take that into me. So I told my baby that his Edd was 15th Nov and so when he was ready, he could choose the most 2 days earlier to be born on the 13th Nov or passed the Edd date which was on the 16, 17 or 18th Nov. In my heart, I was thinking 18th would be perfect. 

My husband listened to his mother and all the aunts and applied one month leave.  He did not discuss with me when to start taking the leave. 

When my baby was born passed Edd on the 18th Nov and when we were discharged and back home on a Sunday, my husband had finished his one month leave and back to work the next day and I was left alone with my baby. 

My mother-in-law came to bathe my baby and helped me out a bit. 

My husband was with me for a month but not at the time when I really needed help after the baby was born. 

I was very upset that I did not rest enough and my varicose veins became permanent. 

I was emotionally and physically exhausted and it affected my mental health. I was taking care of my baby but I greatly neglected my own health.

I initially planned to exclusively breastfeed my baby.  On the first day, I room in with my baby.  My baby was sleeping a lot and did not wake up for milk. I was too tired to watch the clock to  know what time I should breastfeed my baby. On the second day. there were nurse and lactation consultant to help me with latching.  My major issue was that I could not do it without help.  Then baby’s weight was dropping 10% his birth weight.  

The doctor told me baby was hungry. He said that there was sign that my baby’s weight continue to drop and he suggested feeding formula.  I told him that I hardly fed him because he did not wake up for milk.  On the third day, baby had jaundice and was under treatment for two days.  He was too tired to latch and so I pumped my milk and I got only 15 ml after an hour of pump using the dual pump I rented from the hospital.  

Back home, I tried one hour to latch but I could not.  My mother-in-law and my husband were besides me, watching me but they could not offer me any help.  I did not grow up in an environment where I see other women breastfeeding and I had no experience at all.  

After one hour of trying, we finally turned to formula milk. We ending up mainly feeding formula.  As latching was difficult, I tried to pump my milk.  My mother-in-law suddenly pressed my breast when I entered the bedroom and commented that everyone else had milk except me. 

When my baby was bigger, it was easier to latch.  When my mother-in-law saw me breastfeeding, she commented that my baby and I always “stick together”.

My husband tried to let me breastfeed but he later commented that breastfeeding was disgusting.

I believe that every woman has milk but it is very much a learned skill and knowledge.  Having supporting family members around is important.  

One midnight, I had engorgement on my left breast and it felt hard like rock and was very painful.  I had no knowledge of how to handle it.  Eventually, I pumped exclusively and I had only 80 ml of breastmilk a day.  My baby was mainly on formula milk.  I continued pumping until my first baby was 1 year old.  

It was as challenging for my second baby and I had only 80 ml of breastmilk a day, but I exclusively pump until 14 months.

After the birth of my 2 children and going through all the hard times, I had made a decision to reach out to other women and support them in their smooth transition to motherhood.  I feel that every woman should be respected and supported of her choice because it is her body and her baby. 

When I had a maid, I started to take various courses- Pre n Postnatal massage, postpartum doula, moxibustion warm therapy, baby massage instructor and baby language course instructor.  I formed Mummy Baby Care in 2014 providing home visit services. 

I knew that my body had a lot of wind and coldness. I wanted to learn some Chinese techniques and by chance I came across moxibustion warm therapy. I learned and  at that time, I paid student price to have the therapist did moxi for me. 2 years later I asked my moxi trainer to recommend me a suitable spa as I wanted to do it as a long-term maintenance. It took me 6 months to expel coldness from my body and my overall well-being improved. 

After 8 months of moxibustion warm therapy, my therapist asked if I were keen to takeover the shop unit as she was moving to another place.  I wanted to have a shop but I was not ready at that time. After much considerations, I decided to take over and so in 2018, I incorporated MBC Wellness specializing in moxibustion warm therapy.  With a shop, I can reach out to more families by teaching baby class too. 

Over the years, I have taught new parents, infant care teachers and helpers in taking better care of the newborn. They could take away the guessing game and hear what the baby was really telling them. 

The major part of what I am doing is to continue to upgrade myself with new knowledge and skill so that I can be an informed and updated educator to new parents.  A mother’s health is so important to her newborn and family but often neglected due to the lack of understanding of her physiological needs as a new mother and the long term effect on her overall well-being and on her family.

I am grateful to my husband, who takes care of our kids and he is a good cook too. Without him, I am not able to do what I want to do which is spending most of my time working and studying.

3 takeaways:-

I was living without purpose in life before the birth of my 2 children. After I went through post natal depression, I decided t...

In my earlier years, I was just doing what I should be doing without any precise plan or objective, even though I had the freedom to make my own decision.  

After completing my diploma,  I kept changing jobs. I even went to a fortune teller to have some insights but was told that based on my birthdate or bazhi, the situation would be the same for my whole life. 

I always wanted to further my studies. My mother did not believe in education. She hated seeing me sitting down to study the whole day without doing anything. She said those big bosses did not study much and yet could be rich. I always felt that I was the odd one out in the family.  I was the only one in my family who love to study and even though my brothers and my parents were smokers but I was not. 

I felt that at least I needed a professional certificate. That was what many people around me were doing at that time too.  When I graduated, I knew that my mother would not be happy to see me graduate but my father would be overjoyed. In order not to create tension in the family, I did not inform my father that I graduated and I did not take my graduation photo with my family. 

While working, My female colleague in my department was trying to introduce her niece to our male colleague because she said that he was a nice guy who did not drink alcohol or smoke.  She also asked me if I had consider this guy as I was single but I told her that I was looking for a vegetarian guy only.  So, I tried to be matchmaker.  

When I  mentioned it to him, he asked me why didn’t I recommend myself instead. I told him that I was a vegetarian and so we were not suitable. From then on, he always came to look for me.  He knew which way I walked to the office and he was always somewhere waiting for me for breakfast or meet me in the morning. It was quite stressful to me. I considered myself lucky if I did not see him in the morning on my way to the office.

Finding him not the right one for me but I did not want to hurt him or waste his time.  I proposed that we got married soon. I was very uncertain and doubtful about my suggestion, but it was a marriage proposal to him. I suggested that we go to a fortune teller to match our birth dates but he refused. I advised him to book the restaurant. 

I married for the sake of marrying at the age of 32 to him and he is 7 years my senior.  It was the company policy that husband and wife could not work in the same company.  After we got married, I left the company and found another job.

I had my first baby at the age of 37 before it was too late and I wanted a second baby and I had a baby girl at 40.  

My husband is a responsible man and in a way traditional. I never felt being loved because he never said the 3 magic words "I love you". 

Like my father, my husband expressed his love by taking and providing for the family and he cooks well too. 

As I spend majority of my time learning new skills in baby care and postnatal care for women after childbirth, I appreciate my husband more. Without him, I will not be able to do what I am doing. 

After the birth of my first baby, I decided to be a stay-at-home mum because I did not feel safe or trust anyone else to take care of my baby. Taking care of a newborn was really exhausting. My husband did not understand why taking care of a baby was difficult since his mother could handle the cooking, baby, cleaning, marketing and all.  

He told me to sleep when baby was sleeping.  He commented that I was useless and did not know how to take care of our baby.  Hearing his comment, I felt totally unappreciated and depressed.

I felt that being a stay-at-home mum was not very healthy for me because a mother’s job was always not appreciated and there was no benefit or value.  I still need to take care of my baby even when I was sick.  I knew that I could not live like this without losing my identity.  So I quit my job again.  I knew that I did not want to go back to the office anymore and I started to do job relating to mummy and baby.  In 2014, I formed Mummy Baby Care providing home visit services. Since then, I stopped changing job.

My Key Takeaways-

Life has its purpose.  It took me much pain to learn what I need to learn and to find what I want to do with my life.  There are many doors open for me to explore but I will need to make my decision. The sooner you know what you want in life, the sooner you can get into the business of doing it or life is just wasted.  

If you have a wish or dream, just do it, there is nothing you cannot achieve, if you want to do it, the best gift for our children is education. It is important to set purpose and direction. 

It is our job to guide them until such age when they know what they want to do with their lives then we need to acknowledge and let them make their own choices.

I hope my story will inspire you to realise that there is no dream too big or too small and it is never too late to take action now.

You can connect with me through my facebook, Instagram and Linkedin and my links will be in the show notes. 

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more tips and stories. .

Welcome to Every Mother Matters. I'm Sharon and in this episode, I will be sharing with you my personal story. 

I knew very little about my parents because the older generation like my parents did not talk much about the past.

I knew that my mother was given away because she was born in the year of the tiger, which was seen as an un auspicious sign to her biological parents.  Her adopted parents wanted to send her to attend school but she refused. During the second world war when my father was a teenager, he was given the chance to study Japanese or to work for the Japanese. He hated them and did not want to learn their language. So, he chose to work.

The first time when I knew that my father loved me was when my friend told me that my father was always looking lovingly at me when I was already in my 20s.  When I was young, most of the time he was out for work. In his eyes, I should be happy because he was providing for the family and my only job was to study. I always felt that I was the extra one in the family since there was no room in my mother’s heart for a daughter. 

I was a very lonely, quiet and obedient girl.  There was almost no communication with my mother as she did not like girl. No one talk to me.  Growing up was tough emotionally because my voice was never being heard or respected. No one trusted me when I talked about my mother’s behaviour when my brothers were not home.  I learned to be silent. 

They thought that my mother loved me too much and I was the spoiled one. My brother said that if what I said was true about my mother, then why should I still be eating the food my mother cooked and stepped on the floor which was cleaned by my mother.  

Many years later after I did energy therapy I suddenly realised that anything I ate  was so tasty. I was so disassociated with food and I realised that my brother's words actually caused the loss of my taste bud for years and I did not realise it. 

As my mother was in her 50s when she was going into menopause, her mood swing was very obvious.  She would be very emotional and threatened to jump out of the window and the next minute when my father or brother came home, she would make herself a cup of tea and she would drink it like nothing had happened.  

The worst thing she said to me was that I was very lucky that I was not a prostitute.  When I told my father about it, my father denied it and said that she must meant something else.  My father loved my mother very much and he was taking care of her until she passed away due to a weak heart at the age of 70. Witnessing my mother's behavior and her manipulative way to garespect and love from my father and brothers, I had no trust in relationship. 

One day when the whole family was watching television and it happened that there was a scene on the mother wanting to die and the children were trying to stop her.  Then I purposely said that if I were the child, I would take a chair and sat down to watch the mother jumped off and die. I had enough and I was so pissed off with my mother always threatening to die in front of me only.  

My comment ended all my mother’s drama of threatening to die in front of me. I thought to myself like wow so easy to end her drama, which caused a lot of fear and suffering in me for countless years.

Living in constant fear had a bad impact on my health.  My digestion and memory were bad and I could not remember things. Meat was hard for me to digest. To improve my health, I became a vegetarian at the age of 27.

My mother did not believe in education but I did. She disliked me more because I was sitting down to study and doing nothing else. She was actually laughing at me for wanting to further my studies after O levels. My health and memory were bad and hard for me to remember what I studied but I wanted a professional education.  At my time many were taking accountancy or information technology. I had many friends taking part time accountancy courses while working. So, I followed the trend and completed my ACCA professional certification in 2002. 

Back in 2009 when I had my first baby at the age of 37, I was a very anxious mum and a perfectionist, wanting to give my precious little baby boy the best care.

However, things did not happen the way I wanted.

I overexerted myself with many sleepless nights worrying about my baby, on top of the routine night feeding, burping and diaper changing. In addition, I experienced acute lower backache and was physically very weak years after childbirth.

Two days before my labour, my baby shifted his head slightly and I experienced continuous nerve pain on my lower back near the sacrum area and throughout my forty hours of long labour. Eager to care of my newborn baby, I neglected my own health. I did not strengthen my lower back with postnatal massage and belly wrap, or engage a confinement nanny to help.

After the birth of my two children, I realised that what I studied had no use at all in knowing about how to take care of my babies.

I did not know when my baby was crying for milk and how to get my baby to sleep. Taking care of my first baby was exhausting. 

As my health weakened, I started to experience separation anxiety and depression for two years. It was then, when I was overwhelmed by my health challenges and emotions, that I realised no amount of reading and research could have fully prepared me for the experience of taking care of my children.

My key takeaways 

Every child loves their parents and I believe that every child deserves to be loved. Even though my mother did not treat me well, I still tried my best to be an obedient child to her. Over the years I have learnt not to waste time trying to make someone like or acknowledge me and  live my life to its fullest.  Don’t live in someone’s else shadow. 

Secondly, because of my personal postnatal experience, I understand the emotional and physical needs and challenges of modern mothers. I believe that every woman deserves to be well-supported in her journey to motherhood, and have her pregnancy and parenting choices respected.

Mothers need to be able to take care of herself throughout the journey. 

It is critical for her to recover well from childbirth and to regain her physical and emotional strength, so that she is empowered to take care of her baby and family.

Having experienced a bumpy transition to motherhood, I decided to equip myself with knowledge and skills to help others regain their confidence and health after childbirth, and care and bond with their babies. 

Conclusion 

I hope my story will inspire you to realise that knowledge is important and it is never too early to get prepared.  To prepare ourselves early so we don’t have to go through the painful experience to learn from our mistake. 

You can connect with me through my facebook, Instagram and Linkedin and my links will be in the show notes. 

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more tips.