Dear Pod,

A FLOORGY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:00:00 -0400

Per Patty's lead, we will be taking a Black Light to the Maha'a Tiki Bar. We don't know what we will find, but sure enough, it will not end well. Come on in. Take a seat. Wait. No. Not on that couch. Trust me. You'll thank me later.

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HOW BRAD CAN IT BE?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 12:00:00 -0400

Let's warm up those vocal cords before we all launch into this week's "mini-sode". We're singing songs that make no sense but who cares. We've got commitment behind our eyes and in our voices. Sure, our mothers had no idea what "Afternoon Delight" meant when they were singing it to us with the radio while they were packing up our school lunches. It doesn't matter. They were committed and off-key. Exactly what we needed it to be.

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I NEEDED SOME D

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Apr 2026 12:00:00 -0400

Listen. I understand that you're here for this week's episode but we don't open for another five to ten minutes. If you need to kill time, I'm sure the Assia Bowl place down the block is open. We'll see you soon...in five to ten minutes.

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THIS COW IS DRY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Mar 2026 12:00:00 -0400

Glad you could make it for the "mini" episode today. If you want to bring a guest along, you are encouraged. As a matter of fact, ask Mrs. Callahan from down the street. You know, the older lady who seems nice but you have no idea what her name is? Yeah. Her. Her name is Mrs. Callahan. We guarantee it. Invite her over.

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STAY LUMPY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:00:00 -0400

Are you looking to shed a few pounds? Well, look no further because you have come the right place. With the help of MOTH and her newly found love of making salads, we here at the Ranch will get you looking trim and healthy in no time. Sure, MOTH serves her salad with a side of cake but don't let that stop you from making poor decisions. Come on in. Your barstool is waiting.

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THAT VAGINAL MESH

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Mar 2026 12:00:00 -0400

We have proof if you don't listen and enjoy this week's episode, Patty's mother will find you and give you a firm talking-to. On that note, once you hear this episode, you will never experience feminine hygiene the same way again. Enjoy!

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TWO GIRLS. ONE MOTH.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Mar 2026 12:00:00 -0500

So much to discuss. Erin was on the Sherri Shepard Show. MOTH has a trainer. And Patty seems to love the idea of becoming a U.N. translator.
Grab a high top and welcome to the Lounge.

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BAG OF PUDDIN'

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Feb 2026 12:00:00 -0500

The blizzard has hit. We are snowed in. But, fear not. There is enough booze in the Maha'a Tiki Bar to get us through to next winter. In the meantime, I'll need you to grab a shovel. Those steps to the Pineapple Ranch aren't going to shovel themselves. The Management thanks you.

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DON'T $HIT DOWN MY THROAT

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Feb 2026 12:00:00 -0500

Erin just got back from L.A. She's full of stories and perhaps a song. She'll give you stories but we've asked her not to sing the songs. You'll thank me for that later. Put on your sun screen and oversized Hollywood glasses and enjoy the show.

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YOU'RE NOT HENRY FONDA

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Feb 2026 12:00:00 -0500

Patty is in desperate need of the guidance of Dolly "Dr. Shirley" Parton in this weeks episode. All Erin can get tell him to do is read the side of her stomach for comfort and clarity. If that doesn't make any sense to you, well, you tuned into the right program.

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GOING FULL MCDORMAND

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Feb 2026 12:00:00 -0500

Get out your long underwear. We are freezing in the Pineapple Ranch this week. We would love to tell you that this week's podcast is sponsored by LL Bean. If that were true we would probably get free gloves or scarves. But it's January and all the stores are pushing Spring/Summerwear and their new line of bathing suits. In the meantime, we're lighting a bonfire in the middle of the tiki lounge. Summer is just around the corner.

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THE POD-VERSATION

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Jan 2026 12:00:00 -0500

I have no idea what other podcasts are talking about today but I guarantee you that no one is as timely as we are here at The Pineapple Ranch. Don't believe me? We mention great names like Guy Lombardo and Shelley Long. That's right. We are at the forefront of what the kids are digging' these days. Do we still say 'diggin'? Well, dig this...Welcome To The Maha'a Tiki Bar!

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IT'S FRENCH FOR ENNUI

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Jan 2026 12:00:00 -0500

We're 'whisper singing" on the pod today and I thinking we are going to be the next big thing in the world of podcasts. God, we sound good. I'm sorry you can't hear us but believe me, we're killing it. We are current. We are relevant. We ARE Dear Pod.

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I DON'T NAKED

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 12:00:00 -0500

Target, Costco, BJ's...Japan. Do you really want to spend any unnecessary time there during the holidays?
Does the Far East have any room for Erin or should she just stay where she is and be happy with that?
That and other answers to questions you didn't ask are just a click away. CHEERS!

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AN OCCASIONAL FART

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Jan 2026 12:00:00 -0500

Let's get the New Year started with an episode that goes in a million directions. There's something for everybody here: Coffee, Gray Cats, Connie Sellecca. Pull up a barstool. You've arrived at DEAR POD.

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I'M SEÑOR DON GATO!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 12:00:00 -0500

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Our intent was to give you a Year-In-Review episode. What we are giving you, is one of the most delicious, late, Christmas gifts from Patrick himself. A story of CONFIDENCE, STYLE and TRAGEDY of a little Spanish cat, told through the eyes of a little curly-headed boy from Chicago.
Your Welcome, America.
Once again, Welcome To DEAR POD!

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YOU ARE THE GAY BAR

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500

All I can say about this week's episode is that Patrick's story about Christmas in his basement in Chicago, wins Christmas now and forever.
For all of us and our at home the Maha'a Tiki Bar in the beautiful Pineapple Ranch, we wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS, a Happy and Healthy New Year, and many perfectly, crafted cocktails!

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SQUAT RACK...GO!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500

We still have a lot of holiday shopping left over here at the Maha'a Tiki Bar. But, Erin and Patty will always find the time to bitch about the clueless people who share a membership with them at their local gym. It makes me smile to watch their temperatures raise as the weather outside gets a little colder. Pull up a bar stool. We've been waiting for you.

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DOES MY ASH LOOK BIG?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500

C'mon Everybody. Let's all get in the car because we need to start our Christmas shopping. And, might I suggest that our first stop be the cheap but funsy, SERVICE MERCHANDISE. Nothing says Christmas to Erin and Patty like watching a fake Rolex and some extra stretchy sweatpants come chugging across the overhead conveyor belt. Next stop: CALDOR!

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THE FACE OF DEVRY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Sure. Most actors have audition "horror stories" but these two young, hungry, eager imbeciles were just plain clueless in their younger days. Get ready to judge Erin and Patty as they take you down "I'LL DO PRACTICALLY ANYTHING FOR A JOB LANE" in this week's episode of ha ha's and gasps.

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I HAVE A$$ FACE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Seventeen thousand people. Eight comics. Two redheads. One microphone.
Did Erin make it out without fainting or filling her diaper?
Pour yourself a cold one and join us at The Garden. Cotten Candy is on me!

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THE MURDER & THE VOODOO

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0500

There's got to be at least two good reasons to live in New York City in this day and age. Right, Erin? Right, Patty? Just give them the time of this mini-sode and I'm sure they'll come up with somethings positive.
Right guys?...........................................................guys?

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ONE MINUTE OF COMEDY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0500

One good trauma story deserves another.
Erin takes us down the road of making her national daytime television debut on The Tamron Hall Show and why you should listen to your friends and just lie to people so you can become famous.
I'm not saying that's good advice, just practical advice.
Welcome To The Pod!

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AN ACTOR PREPARES

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Nov 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Our goal here, at DEAR POD is not only to entertain but to inform you. If we have to traumatize one of our hosts to tell a story in which you can hear the PTSD come through the microphones and into your ears, for your entertainment and education. Well, who are we to deny you good people of the quality show which you deserve? You may thank Patrick later.

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IS THIS PAULINE?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Happy Halloween!
We're talking about all the creepy topics you've ask for: Cremation, Past Halloween Costumes and Mark Wahlberg as a Psychotherapist. I know. We are biting off more of than we can chew.
But, then again...We Are DEAR POD.

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YOU'RE ON ANAL BLAST

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0400

I don't promise many things in this life. But today, I make this promise to you all: After listening to this week's podcast, I dare you to look at a Big Mac, Fries and a Shake the same way ever again.
So many questions.
So much crime in one little land.
Can I have more ketchup please?

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SHOW THE BO

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Erin went to BERGDORF GOODMAN this week and it wasn't in a dream. On top of that, they didn't kick her out of the store. For this and other stories that make you go, "Huh, I wonder where I put the flashlight", pour a drink and tune in to this week's episode.

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I JOINED A THEATRICULT

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Welcome to your first day of rehearsals for the classic American Musical, ANNIE. Now before we jump into learning the music, can we have all the orphans line up on this side of the room? Great. Now, you, little girl playing Molly. Daddy Warbucks is going to do a "trust fall" into your arms. If you drop him, that means you insult my family. Enjoy the show!

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A RUDDERLESS WOMAN

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0400

IT'S SEASON SIX!
We have been invading your ear-space for the past six years!
And what have you learned?
No. Really. Have you learned anything from us? If you did, good for you!. Consider yourself a member of a very tiny, tiny, tiny, club where you are President, Secretary and Treasurer all rolled into one.
Let Jules shake a celebratory cocktail for all of us, and let's the jackassery begin!
New format. New feel. New underwear.
Welcome to the Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple Ranch!

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LET THE ALIENS COME

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Apparently, they're coming. MOTH has bet the ranch on it. She's already looking towards the sky with a NO TRESPASSING sign in her hand. Wait...you don't know who MOTH is. Start at episode one and catch up when you can. You'll thank me later.

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YOU'RE TEMU ME!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Sep 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Are you ready to learn about Italian style buffet food? 80's haircuts? wearing someone else's skin? I thought so. You're in the right place. Grab a plate, ask for extra garlic bread, and let the show begin!

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WELCOME TO CLUNTS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Sep 2025 12:00:00 -0400

I'll bet you were just thinking, "Why don't more people go to business meetings or attend classes in their pajamas?" Good question. If you would like to hear two people tackle that question then go off on a tangent about Helen Hunt...then by all means, stick around.

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YOU'RE DRYER THAN NORMAL

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Sep 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Welcome again to the Pineapple Ranch. Please mind the Lantern Flys on your way in. We suggest that you not only step on them but please don't look our host, Erin Maguire, directly in the eyes when you enter the Maha'a Tiki Lounge. It will make sense when you see her. Best of luck.

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THERE"S NO SNACKS IN OVERHEAD

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Excuse me, Sir. If you want to listen to the latest episode of DEAR POD on this flight, you'll have to buy these airline approved headphones from us. If you would like a soda, that's free. We just charge for the ice. Per cube.
Enjoy!

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MY FACE EXPLODED

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 12:00:00 -0400

A ship.
A life-time supply of booze.
4000 people.
What could go wrong?
Hit START and try to act shocked. It will make me Erin feel a little better about her life choices.

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I'M STEVEN SHARK

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Aug 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Yes. I know. You're here for advice. But if Erin & Patty don't b&tch about the new Jurassic Park movie, we're never going to get anywhere this week. Now, please put on your Jeff Goldblum glasses and let's start the show.

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WHERE'S MRS. KEEPER?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Aug 2025 12:00:00 -0400

For God's sake, whatever you do, do not approach Erin and assume that she works at the Pineapple Ranch. Just keep moving along and try not to make direct eye contact with her. I am telling you this for your own safety. Please try to enjoy the show.

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BIG SHOOG JUNK

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 31 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Get the CREST. Get the COLGATE. Grab the floss. This week's "mini" is about to burrow a hole through your incisors. Now, please pass the chocolate covered peanuts and let's get this episode started!

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SINCE YOU'RE DIGGIN'

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0400

We're picking, digging, and mining for gold in this week's episode. No need for a Kleenex. Just wipe this episode on your arm as God has intended it. Man. That's just nasty.

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URINE. FECES. VOMIT.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Where else can you go from fleeing the bombs in the Middle East, to fleeing the disgusting living conditions of our kids in college. You got it! Only here at DEAR POD: The Comedy You Can Bet Money You'll Hear The Word Poop At Least Once In Every Episode Advice Podcast. It just rolls of the tongue. Doesn't it?

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HOLD MY JEAN SHORTS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0400

And Just Like That we bring you another episode of advice, laughter, and I'm sure, another story that involves someone crapping their pants. Wopuld you settle for anything less. We didn't think so. Buckle up and enjoy!

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JUST LIKE THE BIBLE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Like it or not, after listening to this week's mini-sode, all you will want to do is run to your local record store, ask to be shown to the Phil Collins section, then say to the person, "I'll buy the lot!"! You're welcome, America.

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NOT WITHOUT MY VODKA TONIC (part two)

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Mon, 30 Jun 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Welcome to PART TWO of "This Can't Be True, It Sounds Too Much Like A Movie". Do Erin and her guys get home? Will her life forever be changed. Will there be gastric/stomach issues involved. If you are a long-time listener you may already know the answer to that last question. This. Is. DEAR POD.

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NOT WITHOUT MY VODKA TONIC (part one)

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Jun 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Get comfortable. Get uncomfortable. Maybe get some Kleenex. In this first of this two-part BONUS episode, Erin brings you moment by moment through her overwhelming experience on a goodwill comedy tour in the Middle East. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You will definitively need a drink!

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A VACATION TITANIC

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Summer is here and "vacation advice" seems to be a hot topic this week. Where to go? Who to go with? Who not to go with. Why am I going anywhere at all and why do these complete strangers have to be all over this beach during my one relaxing week of the year???

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STAND-UP AT AN ORGY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Jun 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Hey! Glad you could make it! Everyone is waiting for you in the Tiki Lounge. Yup. Just grab a drink, drop your pants and say "Hi" to Bette Midler.

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THE CHUNKY PODCAST

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Jun 2025 12:00:00 -0400

First rule when listening to DEAR POD: Tell no one.
Because once the word gets out that you are enjoying this weekly, comedy podcast, everyone will want a piece of your good time.
You've been warned.

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LOOK AT THOSE CLICKS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 May 2025 12:00:00 -0400

You picked the right day to tune in. We go from porn to an office party in Staten Island. I know. A lot more than you expected when you woke up this morning. That's why we're here. For you.

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NO RESPONSE IS A RESPONSE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 May 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Come on in and pull yourself up a chair. We were this many yers old when we found out some of the useless facts that you'll hear on this week's episode. Who's luckier than you???

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I'M GOING FULL MARY

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 May 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Do you think there's ever been a time, while standing in front of the Wailing Wall, one man turned to another and whispered, "A Priest, a Rabbi and a Monk walk into a bar...?"
Tune in and discover how Erin may find out the answer to that and other perplexing life questions. Lucky you!

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MY CRAP BACK

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 May 2025 12:00:00 -0400

We're switching things up! Newer format, same host, old jokes. This can't go wrong. Grab a cocktail and come right in!

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YOU'RE HIS GARDEN HOE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 May 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Quick question: Do you listen to these 'Mini-Sodes" or any podcasts, for that matter, while you're walking around your backyard naked?
Asking for a friend.

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YOU HAD ME AT "OUI"

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Apr 2025 12:00:00 -0400

We've got a GRAB BAG here! Anything goes! It's a roll of the dice!
That's right. We couldn't come up with a topic, so we took the easy way out.
Enjoy!

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CLAPP'IN FOR CHRIST

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Apr 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Hey! You there! Tired of listening to the daily chaos of what is happening in our nation? Then tune into this week's 'Mini-Sode" so Erin and Patty can explain the daily chaos of Ms. Gwen Stefani. That's right. We go head to head with the most important topics of the day while you sit back and sip that cocktail.

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THAT BOY IN THE DENIM JUMPER

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Apr 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Apparently, Erin was not an UNINVITED GUEST as she recently made her late-night, stand-up debut, on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.
How'd it go? Did she choke?
Let MOTH take you through a non-stressful reenactment of it all.
Then, we'll read articles and drink!

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WOKE UP IN A PEW

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Apr 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Oh my God, that guy isn't wearing any pants! Just try not to look at him in the eyes as you listen to the "Mini-Sode". NO! DON'T LOOK DOWN! Crap. Now we have to talk to him.

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NIPPLE CLAMPS AND A NAPKIN

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Mar 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Do you have PETS? Well, Erin and Patty will see try to keep on topic this week but there are no promises. Now get a treat for yourself and your four-legged friend and let's see what going on at the Ranch. By the way, are you housebroken?

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EVERYBODY LOVES THE JESUS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Mar 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Look everyone! It's the Mini-Sode! Let us celebrate by making praise hands. What a wonderful way to welcome a new episode of laughs and wonder. DAMMIT! That guy next to me "Praise Hands" just poked me in the eye. Dammit!

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SUSAN'S BEAVER WEAVER

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Mar 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Come on, Susan. Put on your hiking boots because we are about to TRAVEL out to the Pineapple Ranch to see what possible nonsense is happening at the Maha'a Tiki Bar today. Ten bucks says that Jules is already drunk!

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BABY IN MY PANTS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Mar 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Congratulations! You just tuned into the Truly Extraordinary, Absolutely Terrific, I Can't Even Sit Down No More Cause I'm So Excited My Pants Are Wet MINI-SODE!

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BLUE-CUMBER

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Feb 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Would somebody please nudge Jules. He fell asleep again at the editing board and the neighbors are complaining that they can hear his SNORING from across the street. We don't care that he's asleep but why is he editing in his underwear?

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UNCLE A$$ MOUTH

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Feb 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Eddie Vedder. Gwen Stefani. New Underwear. Nothing is safe this week. Welcome to the "Mini-Sode"!

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CHEW & POO

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Feb 2025 12:00:00 -0500

From Pong to Fortnite. From Space Invaders to...uummmm....Fortnite. That's right. We're talking about VIDEO GAMES. Get your quarters ready and let's waste a night over at the Maha'a Arcade! Just to make sure, your Dad's gonna pick us up later and drive me home? Cool.

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I'M GONNA JIB

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Fri, 07 Feb 2025 22:42:01 -0500

Check your breath. Make sure your braces are clean. Don't be all handsy. We're giving you our first kiss on this week's "mini-sode".
Hang on. It's gonna be awkward.

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THE ERIN BAG

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Jan 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Hey there. Good to see ya. Yeah. I know you stopped by for something. Just can't think of why you're here at the moment. Jeez, you'd think this week's episode was about FORGETFULNESS. Wait.........no. That's not it. Hey. When did you get here?

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UNZIP THE SACK

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Jan 2025 12:00:00 -0500

This week's "mini-sode" may drive you so crazy that you'll might leave the Maha'a Tiki Lounge and find yourself in the comfort of a nice jail cell. Yeah. We have that effect on people.

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WELCOME TO FIRST A$$

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Jan 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Say, who is that group of people sitting over there, sipping on those smart tales, dressed to the nines, laughing and carrying on?
Why those people are CHILDLESS BY CHOICE. What empty lives they must lead....................but they sure do look happy.

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ONE GOOD SWALLOW

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 12:00:00 -0500

We have been told that listening to an episode of DEAR POD is just as intoxicating as sniffing glue. So, do yourself a favor and take a big whiff of us up you OL' FACTORY this week.
Yeah. I think that came out right.

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LE BUCKETS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Jan 2025 12:00:00 -0500

What are your RESOLUTIONS? Mine are not to make any in the upcoming year. I think that is a win-win for all of us. If your friends are having trouble coming up with a resolution, just tell them to listen to DEAR POD every week in 2025. Like I said: Win-Win.
#dearpod #podcast #comedy #comedypodcast @rounderbum

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FROM OUR G'HOME...

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Fri, 27 Dec 2024 13:57:48 -0500

What's my New Year's resolution you. ask? It's to do a whole bunch of these adorable "mini-sodes" in 2025.
Oh my God, they're so petite and charming. Not to mention how good they are for my waistline.
So, grab yourself a handful of us as we ring in the new year!

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A SCARECROW ON FIRE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Dec 2024 12:00:00 -0500

We standby the fact that what you are about to hear is the most non-Christmas Christmas episode that you will ever encounter. Now deck the halls and grab the toilet paper because things are about to get epic in here.
Just remember to flush twice. You know. Just in case.

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SHE GAVE ME THIS QUOTE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Dec 2024 12:00:00 -0500

This week's 'mini-sode" would sound a whole lot better if it was done with Irish accents from our hosts. But, hey! You're here. We're here. Let's get the Christmas party started.

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ENTER MY CHARCUTERIE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Dec 2024 12:00:00 -0500

There's no way to defy gravity and escape the inevitable realities of AGING in this week's episode. Now , let's all put on our adult diapers and see what Erin and Patty had nipped, tucked, trimmed and yanked in the past year.

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THEY CAUGHT WIND

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Nov 2024 12:00:00 -0500

We're trying very hard to hear if we got the right mix on this week's "mini-sode". We can't really tell because the woman who lives above us is either throwing cats in a blender or keeps hitting her toe with a hammer. All we know is that the sounds coming from above us are horrific. That being said, turn up the volume and enjoy this weeks episode with a side of cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY!

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GET YOUR OWN CHALICE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Nov 2024 12:00:00 -0500

Are you moving downward from a higher to a lower level? Does that new person in your life make your heart go "a-pitter-patter"?
Chances are, you are FALLing. And, while you're down there, can ya pick up my car key I just dropped? Thanks. You're a peach.
Enjoy the show.

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NOW I'M CURIOUS CURIOS

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Nov 2024 12:00:00 -0500

Why does a woman want to hang onto a man when he's love with another woman? Why does Erin need to punch someone in the face before she dies? All this and other useless questions answered in this week's mini-sode!

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WHO'S NED HARRIS?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Nov 2024 12:00:00 -0500

Oh my God, between the election and the eighty degree weather in October, my nerves are officially shot and my ANXIETY and STRESS levels are shaking the foundation of my home. Let's all lie down. Call our therapists and tell them to buckle in. It's going to be a long and bumpy session.

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NO ROOM AT THE STICK IT INN

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 12:00:00 -0400

TRICK OR TREAT! We're handing out full size Snicker bars and "Fun Size" laughs on this week's wildly, scary episode. What makes this episode so frightening, you ask? Jules is going commando.

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THANKS WITCHES!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Oct 2024 12:00:00 -0400

This weeks "mini-sode" will not only convince you this that WITCHCRAFT is real but Erin just might be the Linda Evangelista of podcasts. I don't know exactly what that means, but we're just going to go with it.

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KYLE, LEAVE!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Oct 2024 12:00:00 -0400

We're nipping, tucking, and lifting this week. That's right. It's all about PLASTIC SURGERY. If we do it right, we'll take the hair that Jules has on his back and attach it to his shiny forehead. Oh, this is going to be fun!

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MUMBLE TWICE, GIN & TONIC

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Oct 2024 12:00:00 -0400

It's our first "MINI-SODE"!
What could be better than a mystery article and two hosts who are already buzzing from a very powerful Scorpion Bowl???
Cash. Lots and lots of cash.

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WE'RE VERY VACUUMABLE

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Oct 2024 12:00:00 -0400

WE'RE BACK!
Let's take a moment to hug it all out. You guys look fantastic! Is that a new haircut??? Look at us. We're on video now!.Let's celebrate with a REUNION episode.
The cocktail shakers are ready, your host's are well lubricated.
Welcome back to the Maha'a Tiki Bar in the beautiful Pineapple Ranch!
Can we hear it???

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An Irish Exit

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 May 2023 11:00:00 -0400

Sometimes you have to leave before the party is over. But that doesn't mean we won't see you again. Tune in for some laugher, tears and a bit of porn noises.

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Lousy with Pineapples

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Apr 2023 11:00:00 -0400

IT"S OUR FOURTH ANNIVERSARY!!! We are LIVE in New York City at CAVEAT and we are going to GRAB some BAGs tonight! See what happens when we drag Moth up to the big city and give her a glass of wine. The Lower East Side will never be the same. Clip in your belly button ring, spray on your Elizabeth Taylor's: White Diamonds and descend down the stairs to the sub-basement where we will be raising a Mead-filled glass at four years of frivolity, letters, advice, sour stomach's and plenty of alcohol! START THE TYPEWRITER!!!

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A Fentanyl Laced Gusher

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 11:00:00 -0400

If your phone rings, don't pick it up. You'll get RIPPED OFF. It's just Erin disguising her voice saying that she is trapped in Newark and needs you to send $5000 to her account so she can return home safely. It's a hoax. Cause no one goes to Newark.

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We Shrug New York

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 11:00:00 -0400

WARNING: Today's episode may be ALARMING to some. Don't be surprised if you start hearing sirens go off, It's just that we are illegally breaking in to your funny bone and most likely leaving all of our fingerprints behind.

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St. Petersburg $hitter

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 11:00:00 -0400

This week we are going up, up and away to the world of AIRLINE TRAVEL. Should pressure drop at any time in the Maha'a Tiki Lounge, feel free to check under your barstool for a barf bag. Enjoy the show.

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Gay Street. Bring Your Harps.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Mar 2023 11:00:00 -0400

We've hired a DETECTIVE to find where are last bits of sanity have disappeared to. With the help of Jessica Fletcher and a Specialty Cocktail, we should have this mystery solved in just over an hour.

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Legally Jesus

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 11:00:00 -0400

Huge guest/topic in the Maha'a Tiki Lounge this week. Well, we assume he's always with us. We are leaving a live mic on if he has anything to say. Please welcome, Mr. JESUS.

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Erin Was Here

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Mar 2023 11:00:00 -0400

Hope you have the TIME to fit us in this week. If you don't please find the time before we run out of time...........................the topic is time.

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And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Mar 2023 11:00:00 -0500

You play with FIRE you get burned. You drink a Specialty Cocktail out of the Maha'a Tiki Bar, there'a a fire in your belly. See the parallels?

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Finding Scott Stapp

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 11:00:00 -0500

Starting the month off with a GRAB BAG is like driving thru a toll booth and finding out it's free that day. What an unexpected surprise where you get booze at the end of your journey. Everyone wins this week!

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Bangles & Birthmarks

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 10:00:00 -0500

It's time to make happy trees and beat our brushes. This week we are PAINTING and the Pineapple Ranch needs at least two coats.

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A Pickle Wrapped Up In A Cigarette

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Feb 2023 11:45:00 -0500

IT'S OUR 200th EPISODE!!! We are going live on Instagram and Facebook, so there is nothing that can go wrong. Put on your best bridal gown and tight dress shirt as a celebrate over two hundred hours of complete nonsense!

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A Wicked Ruth Cleveland

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 11:00:00 -0500

This week, CHOCOLATE goes with everything. No time for sleep because the sugar high will keep us up for days!

I Have Less

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Feb 2023 11:00:00 -0500

And the AWARD for 'Best Podcast That Ever Was' goes to the very drunk crew at Table 6 from DEAR POD: The Comedy Advice Podcast. Could someone please wake up that drunk red-headed woman and tell her to come get her prize?

Sip & Enjoy. Chug & Accept.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 11:00:00 -0500

Do you have to do that right next to m?. You know. That constant breathing in and out? Sorry. That was a bit harsh but I am CRABBY and IRRITABLE today and I have no patience for anything. Now, where is my cocktail??? It should already be here!!! Why are you making me wait??? Just leave the drink and get out!!!

The Wrong Hole

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Jan 2023 11:00:00 -0500

They tell us that we should celebrate. They make our lapels look fancier. And, they have always looked weird wrapped on a girl's wrist at a school dance. That's right. The Greenhouse is open and we are talking about FLOWERS. Find your favorite vase and grab your pruning shears for this week's bouquet of entertainment.

Again, Orchids Are Beautiful

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Jan 2023 14:54:17 -0500

I'm just going to put my cold hand here. Now cough. You can trust me. I'm A DOCTOR. That's right. This week we are opening up wide and saying, "Ahhhhhh". By the time this episode is over we will have checked you for rickets, polio and shoved our hands up places only we professionals can get away with. Thank you for coming. You've been such a good patient, please enjoy this Specialty Cocktail. It tastes like a lollipop.

Outlook Not So Good

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Jan 2023 11:00:00 -0500

Welcome to a New Year! I can't think of a better way to get the ball rolling then to start off this new chapter with a GRAB BAG, That's right. The possibilities are endless and anything can happen this year. We're stocking up the Maha'a Tiki Bar for the season, we bought a giant jar of "Tums" for Patty and Erin is still annoyed. It's gonna be a great 2023!

Useless, Get Up!!!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Dec 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Stop looking at me that way. It's so loud. My head is about to split in half because I drank my weight in tequila on New Year's Eve and now I have a massive HANGOVER. Stayed tuned for the best "Hair Of The Dog" as Erin & Patty fill you with hot coffee and more booze this New Year's episode.

Not Without My Cabbage

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Dec 2022 11:00:00 -0500

It's that time of the year when you are looking for the perfect TOYS. for the not so perfect children. Let's face it, we forgive them for all of their short comings every Christmas and double down on the fact that they have to deal with your insanity when you're in your eighties. That's family. MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!

He's A Sock Sucker

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Dec 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Look, I'm still in line at the COSTCO trying to prep for the Christmas Party at The Pineapple Ranch. So, I'm just gonna leave this GRAB BAG here for you to take home. Feel free to wrap it up, put it under your tree and give it to someone who needs to get introduced to DEAR POD. Oh crap. The woman in front of me has coupons! I'm never getting out of here.

Railed By Papa Smurf

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Dec 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Somedays you have to look back and visit and ol' favorite. I'm not sure if these people can be considered favorites. They're my OBNOXIOUS NEIGHBORS. Wait...What? You say you can't hear me. I'm practically shouting at you but it's so hard to hear with my next-door neighbor blasting his music while his three dogs are outside barking at nothing. I SAID THEY'RE BARKING AT............oh, just forget it.

Turducken Of Crap

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Dec 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Time to celebrate, cause this happens once a year. Yes, it's time to change the batteries in the smoke detectors and it's time to celebrate a BIRTHDAY. That's right. Every year that relative of your demands more attention on their special day and we are forced to bow at the alter of their fabulouslessness. So, light the candles, start the song and pray you got that thing for them in the right size.

Thanks-Gay-Ving

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Nov 2022 11:00:00 -0500

It's that time of the year where we come together to GIVE THANKS to family, friends, family who owes you money, friends who owe you money, and the dog-walker. Find your seat at the table, fill your wine glass, bow your head and say grace. Now pass me a big helping of DEAR POD. Deeee-licious!

Erin Maguire As "Blossom"

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Nov 2022 11:00:00 -0500

What say we clear the palate at the beginning of this holiday season and serve you up a nice GRAB BAG episode? No? Well then, you will be the only one on your block who doesn't know the real story behind a wife's husband and his real sexual preference. I bet you can't tell how that story will end. Plus, we have booze.

You Voted For Taft?!?!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Nov 2022 11:00:00 -0500

I'm sorry, Doctor. Can you please repeat your diagnosis? The second you said the word "penis" my wife burst out into a fit of LAUGHTER. Yes. Today we are going to point and laugh at all things funny or what we think deserves a good chuckle. For instance: A Priest, a Buddhist, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. It's not funny yet but mayhem is just around the corner!

Latter Day Spray

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 11:00:00 -0400

I'm sorry I'm so emotional today. Whenever I hear that there is a new episode of DEAR POD, I just start CRYING. Get out your Kleenex because this week we are going to make you weep so hard that you will be forced by the congregation to listen to the episode in that special room where we haul kids who scream during church.

Where's The Red Wine?!?!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Oct 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Wow. There is no middle of the road answer for this one. You either love them or hate them. It doesn't matter. Because whether you like it or not, we are going to talk about CLOWNS. That's right. They exist in your classroom, at your place of work, even underneath your bed. So, put on your oversized shoes and grab a rubber chicken because you are going to laugh or cry your way through this episode.

Of Course, Of Course

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 11:00:00 -0400

It's that time of the year when we get out the cleaning supplies and extra trash bags and see how many SKELETONS we can remove from our closets. Was your Dad married once before and never told you? Or maybe you're about to join AARP but have your young lover convinced that you recently graduated college? No judgements here. But we will look. at you from across the room with that look that says, "You know that I know and you owe me one."

If Baloney Had A Face...

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Oct 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Let me fluff up that pillow for you cause you're going to be laying in that COFFIN for a long time. Which one are you going to get? The one with the glass top or the racing stripe? After you listen to this episode, just like Patrick, the wood-chipper option is looking better and better.

He's An A$$hole Rising

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Break out your telescopes! This week we are looking up. Nope, not at those sneakers dangling from the telephone wire but a bit higher. To the stars, Baby! It's all about ASTROLOGY. What's your sign, good lookin'? I'm a Herpes. And, I would love to see my moon in Uranus. So, can I buy you a Specialty Cocktail?

I'm Look'in For My Kah-Kees

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Sep 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Let's take a moment to be respectful. Now, bow your heads and curtsey because the ROYALS have just entered the building. If we play our cards right, by the end of this episode we shall be known as Dame Erin, Lady Patrick & Lord Jules coming to you live from the Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple Castle. Grab your corgis and put on your crowns as we step on the balcony and greet the new episode.

I'm Hair Voyant!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Sep 2022 11:00:00 -0400

It's Thursday and you know what that means? Salisbury Steak Day. Oh yeah. That and a GRAB BAG. Can you make a decent cup of coffee? Is your husband a Smarty Pants and you feel like a Dumb Dora? Well, it's time to click PLAY and listen to us jibber-jabber and solve the problems of the world. It should only take an hour.

Presented By Hertz

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Sep 2022 11:00:00 -0400

School has started and Andrew is at it again. He has his nose so far up our teacher's butt. He is the ultimate TEACHER'S PET. Yes. as much as we wanted to highlite the goody-two-shoes that became personal assistants to our grammar school teachers, watch how fast this topic can take a hard, left turn. Now, before we begin, will you be a doll and go outside and clap those erasers clean so we can start the show?

I Pledge A Large A$$

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Sep 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Hey, what did you bring for LUNCH? Can I trade you this delicious cucumber and sprouts for your PB&J? Or, should we just walk over to your house for our lunch hour and have your Mom make us something? Hope you brought your appetites for this week's brown bag of mystery meat.

Throw Balls At Kids

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Sep 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Are you still in bed??? You're going to be late for SCHOOL. Yup, it's that time again. Time to put on your new Thom Mcan's, get on the bus all blurry-eyed and start figuring out what is going to be a good trade at lunch for that Pimento sandwich your father packed for you. There's the first bell. Let's start the show!

Gauntlet Of Torture

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Aug 2022 11:00:00 -0400

You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother! You're my STEPMOTHER. They have gotten a bad wrap in movies for decades. How will they fare on a weekly comedy advice podcast? Only one way to find out. Ask friend to listen to the episode then explain it to you. Problem solved.

Tetes & Followers

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Aug 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Have you guys ever met my STEPDAD? He's alright. Smells a little bit like pickles but he makes my Mom happy. I saw a dirty movie the other day where a stepdad made is wife happy, his stepdaughter elated and his stepson confused. Movies are powerful. They make you think.

Face Grabber, Mouth Kisser

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Aug 2022 11:00:00 -0400

OK. Once and for all. Can someone please answer this question I have when boarding an AIRPLANE? If the person in front of me weighs 400 pounds, why I am paying extra for my luggage when it's only three pounds over weight? I'll never understand. SAFETY PROCEDURE: If this episode of DEAR POD hits turbulence, you will find a floating device under your seat and mini bottles of booze will fall from above. NOW BOARDING!

Expando Salado!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Aug 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Do me a favor. I've been on hold with EZPass for the last forty-five minutes. Can you GRAB that BAG for me? I think I've got some old crowns for my teeth in there and a TV set that I stole from my grandparents. Intrigued yet. Well, grab a cocktail and get comfortable.

Eight Squares

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 11:00:00 -0400

This week we offer a necessity in each and everyone's life on this planet. TOILETS & TOILET PAPER. That's right. Not since the Summit talks of our great leaders has there been a topic more vital, important & flushable. Now stand or sit. It's your choice. Just remember to wipe back to front while listening. It's more sanitary that way.

You Got Nails!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Jul 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Let's just call them as we see them. SLUTS, TRAMPS & WHORES. We are not only including our two sexy hosts in this category but anyone who has gone through a very "randy" period in their life. Ohhhh, get out the good china, cause I am feeling dishy for this week's episode!

Send Us A Plumper

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Jul 2022 11:00:00 -0400

This episode is going to the dogs. HOT DOGS to be exact. Wow. Week after week we dive into the topics that are at the cutting edge. How do we do it? Maybe next week we'll talk about...dare I say...Cheese. Maybe not. Too risky. We don't want to be canceled.

Shack Of Sit

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Jul 2022 11:00:00 -0400

This might be the most delicious episode yet because today we are serving CAKE. That's right. The buttercream is spread, the candles are placed and we are bringing you a three tiered dessert showpiece of vanilla and chocolate goodness. Let's dig into this weeks slice of knowledge and complaining.

Dear Lesbian,

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT!!! Batten down the hatches because we are wrapping up Gay Pride Month celebrating: LESBIANS, Blanche. LESBIANS! And who better to be this years Grand Marshal for the DEAR POD PRIDE PARADE, than comedian and special guest, LIZ GLAZER. Get out your self help books and decaffeinated teas. The red light is blinking and we are on the air!

Who Put Vagisil In Bananas?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Jun 2022 11:00:00 -0400

What a beautiful summer day for a GRAB BAG. From prescription drugs to Chatty Kathy's in line, we are all over the place today. Let's not waste a minute's time. If you're lost, just drive up to that house, blow you horn and ask which is the fastest route to Dear Pod?

Is There Salad At Fenway?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Get ready to Hock a Loogie, because today we are being completely gross and SPITTING our way through this episode. Why do baseball players spit throughout their games? Why does Grandma use the spittoon? If you think we have the answers to these questions...well...are you in for a surprise. Put on your rain gear, this one is going to be slippery.

Shakin' The Dots

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Jun 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Shhhh. Try not to wake her up. Any minute now Erin will be SLEEP TALKING and it will be the funniest/most terrifying thing you'll experience all month. Do people really spill hidden secrets when they're running off at the mouth at the same time they're in La La Land? Grab your favorite pillow and some Sleepy-Time Tea as we count sheep during this week's adventure.

I Blew Gershwin

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Jun 2022 11:00:00 -0400

It's time to pull off the highway and find the nearest HOTEL or MOTEL to stay in. Because I can't keep my eyes open anymore. This week we'll attempt to figure out how much we should tip the maid staff and how to convince our spouses that the random two hour room charge from that motel was just a business expense so my secretary can do some necessary dictation. Let's invade the mini bar and get this week's episode started!

Is This A Podcast?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 May 2022 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT!!! All hell has broken loose. Jules has kicked Erin and Patty out of the Maha'a Tiki Lounge for the day and has taken over the airways. Because, this week, we are celebrating THE MOTH REPORT! Grab your sugary dessert wine and Krispy Kreme donut as we laugh with the "Merry Maker" from Arlington, MA. MOTH is in the house and she has a lot to say. God Help Us All.

Death By Gallagher

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 May 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Start writing your alibi's because we've got all the evidence to lock you up for MURDER. Let them dust for fingerprints all over The Maha'a Tiki Lounge. There is no way that they can lock us up for killing you with laughter. Wait. Has anyone laughed at this show yet?

That Is A Hit

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 May 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Hey, Man. Have you seen my friend Kelly? I meant Millie. No, That's not it. Does the name Pam ring a bell? Crap. I'm just trying to buy some DRUGS. That's right. We're getting brave and getting our fix from our local dealer and toking our way into this weeks episode. We've got bags of pretzels and chocolate. Now, bring on the munchies. MOLLY! That's it! I need, I mean, I'm looking for Molly!

Show Me The Slappies!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 May 2022 11:00:00 -0400

OK. Let's not make a big thing about this. Jules looks a bit burnt out and it seems he fell asleep on the mixing board. Let's just make it easy on him and do a GRAB BAG this week. No, no , no. Don't wake him. I'm sure I can figure out for myself how this recording type device works. Oh yeah. By the way: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, EVERYONE! DEAR POD IS THREE YEARS OLD! Oh crap. I think I just woke him up.

Hookers & Blow

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Apr 2022 11:00:00 -0400

There is not enough ibuprofen or water in the world that will help me recovery from that BACHELOR PARTY last night. This week we are doing lines, I'm mean, drawing lines in the sand to find out what really goes on during these debauchery, filled evenings. We may look great going in, but by the time this episode is over, there will be dried up vomit on our shirts and at least three chipped teeth. Big deep breath aaaaaand here we go!

The Meat And Two Veg

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 11:00:00 -0400

(knocking on bathroom door) Hey you! Dear Pod Listener! What are you doing in that bathroom for so long? You better not be looking at DIRTY MAGAZINES, because we are about to start the show. Just come out of there, hide the magazines under your bed or that secret hole behind the wall and get in here. OK. The show is starting. By the way, you should tell me where you hid them You know. Just in case you forget.

Commitment To The Poose

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Apr 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Where's the Best Man? Is he still at the bar drinking? If he has lost those WEDDING RINGS, I am going to kill him. Some people won't wear them. Others can't take them off of their fat, fingered hands. One thing we have learned though, people will still hit on you even if you're wearing one. And THAT means...I.Still.Got.It!

Buddha's Beer & Baked Goods

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Lock up the liquor cabinet and hide the cash. God only knows what the BABYSITTER is doing when we're not there. For all we know, she's let them running around the house in their birthday suits. Listen. I am paying you seventy five cents an hour. I expect the height of professionalism and nothing less. Now get those kids to bed and wash my car!

I Ordered Full Christ

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Bless us Father, for we are about to sin. You see, we have a silly podcast where we read the letters of Ann Landers and Dear Abby. Most of the time, things get saucy. Today, we will be talking about PRIESTS. Why don't you go ahead and gather the nuns around the radio. Pour everyone an extra tall glass of church wine and pray that we won't burn in hell after today's episode. AMEN.

Ding Dong Indeed

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 11:00:00 -0400

Wait! Is that someone at the front door? Who is that? Why, it's a little girl in green! Next to Christmas, today is the happiest day of the year. It is GIRL SCOUT COOKIE delivery day! Brew the coffee. Send the kids away. Open the box of Samoas and let's start this week's frivolity. With chocolate and coconut, of course!

Poot Poot. Hey. Beep Beep.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 10:00:00 -0400

Get out the spackle and trowel because today we are beating our faces Yup. We're talkin' MAKEUP & COSMETICS. So, sharpen up that pencil because we are drawing a nice, heavy line around the lip of this episode before we fill it in with "You Look Like A Whore" lipstick. Happy St. Paddy's Day, Everybody!

Playing Craps With Her Junk

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Mar 2022 10:00:00 -0500

Whaddya say we hop in a plane with a pocketful of cash and head to Vegas? I don't know about you, but I can sure use some LUCK in my life right about now. Whether you need it professionally or personally, let's all head on over to the "Crap Table Of Life" and double down on how funny we think this weeks episode will be. No sevens! No sevens! No sevens!

Ye Olde Ann Taylor

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Mar 2022 10:00:00 -0500

Have you look outside lately? The weather can't make up it's mind and neither could we. So, this week we're throwing a GRAB BAG your way. The menu is full. We're talking exotic foods, massage parlors, postcards and a visit from Moth. Pour yourself a Shasta, listen to us in you car and try not to fall asleep.

Tilda Swindon Tinder Swindler

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Feb 2022 10:00:00 -0500

Time to put the month of romance behind us with the memory of LOVE LOST. How do you really feel about that new beau of yours. Do you stay or do you find another partner for a trail six month run? Apparently, there are no rules. Just like this week's episode of knowledge and wonder.

Sugar. Flour. Earl.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 10:00:00 -0500

The month of "Love" continues on. This week, we complicate matters by throwing in a steamy LOVE AFFAIR that will make you sweat with excitement and fearful that you're going to get caught. So, put on those dark sunglasses, check-in to that seedy motel and turn on your lover on to a new episode of DEAR POD!

You Picked The Wrong B*tch!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Feb 2022 11:00:00 -0500

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One. Two. Three. Four. Just Four. Today we are reaching deep into our Hope Chests and finding all of our hidden LOVE LETTERS. Join us, won't you, as we take another attempt at our month of Love Themed topics and see how long you'll last until the sugary sweetness is so intense, your back molars just fall out. Happy Valentine's Days Everyone!

Goodbye...Vodka

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Lots of things to LOVE during this episode. To start with, how about priests not letting you sing Love Songs in church? No? What do you think of a couple who met at a casino nearly sixty years ago and they are going back for their anniversary? Still nothing? Oh, have I mentioned that Erin just had her first colonoscopy and it was epic? Yeah. I knew that would get your attention. Enjoy!

I'm Thinking About Dick, Regina!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Fire up those VCR's and grab your Jane Fonda tapes, because this week we are EXERCISING! It's the new craze. Haven't you heard? The New York Times Best Seller List actually has three books on it that's all about exercise. What is this crazy world we are living in? I betcha the next new craze would be TV cameras following people in their daily lives. I know. That would be ridiculous!

Firebox In The Smush Room

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT!!! Let's all meet in Downward Dog as we remove all the saturated fats during this HEATH & WELLNESS episode. Board Certified Health Coach and Author, TARA ROSCIOLI, shows us just how easy one homemade honey syrup can make our cocktails tastier and (dare I say) healthier than ever. In the meantime, can someone please help me up? Somewhere between the Cat and Cow pose my back went out.

My Safe Word Is: CHE DIAZ

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Jan 2022 11:00:00 -0500

In an era that has been penned as "The Great Resignation", we at Dear Pod offer you NEW JOBS/NEW BEGINNINGS. Is your office manager giving you the side eye by the way you dress for work? Will your Dad treat you like Logan Roy treats his kids in the family business? Questions will be answered just as soon as you drop your resume with the gal at the front desk and we're done with this coffee break.

New Year. Same Us.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Jan 2022 11:00:00 -0500

Screw Dry January. We're still in a pandemic and we're celebrating the new year by, no surprises here, DRINKING. Are you worried if your mother will have one too many cocktails at your upcoming wedding or that your Golden Retriever might be developing a drinking problem? Listen. There is no problem that we can't solve together if we sit down, be honest and face the issue head on. Let's just have a drink first.

Yellow Brick Road Of Crap

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0500

5...4...3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR GRAB BAG! As we kick out the crap year that was 2021, we wait in the wings with judgement in our eyes to see how 2022 will perform. Will 2022 be all vocal riffs and tricks but with no real voice? Will the new year promise us fame and fortune but just turn out to be a deadbeat dad? Roll up your sleeve as we inject you with the healing booster of laughter and booze in this year ending episode of DEAR POD.

This Chris Belongs To Ruth

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Deck Them Halls, Everyone! Cause it's time to gather around the tree, put on some Mitch Miller and GRAB some CHRISTMAS BAGS. Yes. It's the Holiday Grab Bag Episode. And we can't think of a better way to spend the day than open random holiday gifts that we are certain to return. Now hang on to those receipts, jingle those bells and let's rip into those letters. That's right tear right in. We're not saving the wrapping paper!

Donde Esta El Carne?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Now, don't confuse this GRAB BAG episode just any old Grab Bag episode. Of all the Grab Bag episode's that we have done in the past, I can promise you that this week's episode is one of them. How's that for confidence in your product? Time to turn up the volume and press play!

Itsy, Bitsy & Crazy

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT!!! Put on your scarfs and gloves. Fill up the flasks with brandy and bourbon, and warm up those vocal chords. This week we are all going CAROLING! Join us as we welcome Author, Caroler and Wearer of Bonnets, RENAE BAKER, to the lounge as she helps us dissect the real meaning behind some of the most beloved, classic, Christmas carols. If we are lucky, we will finally discover the true agenda of The Little Drummer Boy. Rum Pum Pum Pum, Indeed!

Gina, Waters All Around!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Dec 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Did you make a list yet? Did you check it twice? You still have time to give someone the ultimate GIFT this holiday season. If you're anything like my mother, you already did your Christmas shopping back in July. So, get out the wrapping paper because this week a neatly, wrapped. brand new episode is waiting for you in your stocking!

You A Pie Eater?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Nov 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Belly up to the buffet. It's THANKSGIVING! Wait. Scratch that. We're still in a pandemic. We won't be seeing any buffets for a while. But we will see people at the dinner table who we wish weren't there, desserts that no can recognize, and that one aunt who keeps hoarding all of the leftovers. It's your family. Like them or not, you're stuck with them all day. So, let us bow our heads, drink our wine and thank the good Lord that DEAR POD will get us through this holiday season!

David, We Need To Clean This.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 10:00:00 -0500

Can't live with 'em. Can't live without' em. That's right. I'm talking about your NEIGHBORS. How long are they going to keep their empty trash can at the end of their driveway? Will that man always drink his morning coffee while walking around his property in his underwear? Why does she keep staring at me whenever I cut the lawn? Today...we answer none of these questions.

Christ With Arms

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 09:00:00 -0500

Keep your drink inside your mouth because this week's GRAB BAG will make you do a spit-take. Whether you are eight months pregnant with triplets or good at craps (not taking one, rolling one) this weeks episode has something in it for you. Just make sure you get the booster shot so there won't be any immediate reaction.

Quiet Confidence

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 09:00:00 -0400

Today's episode comes directly from the fifty yard line on the gridiron we proudly call The Maha'a Tiki Lounge Memorial Stadium. We are talking FOOTBALL! With Erin and Patty as your two Quaterbacks, they're not so much talking about it as being confused by it. Let's go huddle up and see if we can 'Hail Mary' this week's episode between the uprights or whatever you're supposed to with your Tight End.

Our Safe Word Is: ACTIVIA

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Oct 2021 10:09:00 -0400

It's here. The night of horror, candy, poor choices in costumes and most of all...TERROR. It's All Hallows Eve Week and the Maha'a Tiki Lounge is eerily decorated and ready with a bowl of year old, expired candy that we couldn't give out last year during the pandemic. But this is a new, brighter, and more optimistic Halloween. You want to terrify us? Ring our doorbell and say, "Trick or treat! I'm an Anti Vaxer!"

Stay Bi-Curious

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Oct 2021 08:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Get out your sketch pads, paint brush and easels. We are going to ART class today. Who better to guide us through our journey of lines, color, shading and erasers than artist to the Broadway community, JUSTIN "SQUIGS" ROBERTSON. And just as predicted , everything Erin is drawing looks like a stick figure. Art: she isn't easy.

Welcome To Box Of Rocks

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Oct 2021 08:00:00 -0400

The answer is: Samantha, Elphaba, Hermione, Sarah Jessica Parker and Hazel. Yes. DEAR POD. You rang in first. Famous WITCHES, Alex? That's right. We start celebrating the season with a deep dive on the ladies who made warts and chin-hair fashionable. That stuff is still in style? Right? Get out your cauldrons, cause we're mixing you up a potion of pod that's gonna leave a mark.

Enter Gently

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Oct 2021 08:00:00 -0400

What's that? You missed the last three episodes of DEAR POD? You somehow forgot that this is how you begin each day with an earful of jackassery and laughter? You are very lucky that my heart is full of FORGIVENESS or we would be having words. Now, please forgive me as I pour myself a specialty cocktail and fill my ears with Erin and Patrick yelling at each other.

Ursula. Ursula Cott!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 09:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! So, I'm standing behind the bar at the Maha'a Tiki lounge working out some new recipes. Let's see what we get if we combine equal parts grit, brains, sass, determination, talent, vision, drive, motherhood and humor. OK. Let's add ice. Shake. Now, let us pour the phenomenal LEEANN KREISCHER into the studio at The Pineapple Ranch. Straight up or on the rocks, you're gonna love this gal!

A Little Bit Of Daddy

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Sep 2021 08:00:00 -0400

CREMATION. There. I said it. No turning back now. It's out there and now we're talking about it. So, would you like to be sprinkled over the lawns of your favorite park or tossed all over the country club that wouldn't accept you as a member? Lots to think about as we tackle this hot topic. Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That's just rude. Enjoy!

Eyes On The Meat

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 08:00:00 -0400

Whether it's your wallet or a glance, we are going to be STEALING something from you today! Maybe it's twenty dollars from your mother's purse, or those 800 count sheets from the Quality Comfort Hotel. It doesn't matter. We're breaking the law today and we're getting something for free. Now if I can nonchalantly walk out of this Home Depot with this air conditioner under my shirt...

Charles E. Cheese

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Sep 2021 09:00:00 -0400

Hey, you guys. That was so much fun last night but I really have to go. That's right. You were just the victim of a DEAR POD, ONE NIGHT STAND. Today you will learn basic things like, don't have a fling with a current patient at your hospital. Or, don't have a fling with a new co-worker a week after you started the new job. I'm no genius but shouldn't you already know these things???

Your Bread Basket's Leaking

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Sep 2021 08:00:00 -0400

Let's see. Mask, Purell, Clorox Wipes, Windex, Lysol and Books. Yup. I have everything I need in my backpack to go BACK TO SCHOOL. We'll begin this semester by wiping out our parents bank accounts because our on-campus bar tabs aren't going to pay themselves. Then we will threaten them by dropping out because we miss them too much and can't be away from home. Isn't education fun?

Dick Beach

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 08:00:00 -0400

This week we're climbing back on the horse again and saying "I Do" to a SECOND MARRIAGE. Remember to call your Ex on the way to the church just to make sure her new husband is satisfying her because you are a caring ex-spouse. Let's slam our beach umbrella into the sand as we walk down the aisle to another week of advice and rigmarole.

The Loud Sandwich

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Aug 2021 06:00:00 -0400

Van Dyke, Flavor Saver, Crumb Catcher, Lady Tickler, Five O'Clock Shadow, Lip Wig, Nose Bug, Mouth Brow, Pancho Villa, PeachFuzz, Winnebago Locks, Fu Manchu, Redundant Mops, Suburbs Of The Chin, Tom Selleck, Mobile Tea Strainer, Grass Grin, Fanny Duster & Emperor Fredrich III. Oh. By the way. This week we're talking about FACIAL HAIR.

Drink Your Pork.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 06:00:00 -0400

GRAB your BAG and head on over to The Pineapple Ranch this week because anything goes. There are rooster's that won't shut up, toothpicks being used and French men who just don't understand Ann Landers. Like I said. A bit of everything. Throw in a Specialty Cocktail and your weekend just got started!

Welcome To Aqua Scrotum.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 01:00:00 -0400

We're cleaning up our act this week. Well, sort of. Just a quick drenching in the BATH or SHOWER, a quick "How's Your Father" on our bits and pieces, and a hit of Hai Karate Cologne and this weeks episode is the sweetest. smelling thing that has ambushed your nasal cavity in the last six months. Who's luckier than you?

What Are You Wearing?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Jul 2021 10:11:00 -0400

Ya know, in this day and age, it is nearly impossible to make an OBSCENE PHONE CALL. What happened to the good old days when you can walk into a phone booth, slide the door closed, pick a random name from the phone book, put in a dime, dial a bunch of numbers on a rotary phone, squat down in the booth so no one can see what you're doing...Oh, God...this is too much work. I'm going home to dial up and connect to AOL and see if anyone will send me dirty pictures. Like a normal person!

The Legend Of Lot Less

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Jul 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Now you see this episode. Now you don't. I know. You weren't ready for some skilled MAGIC happening all up in your face this week. Let me ask you this, is your married boyfriend's kisses magical? Is the mother of six, magical in the kitchen? Before we answer these questions, we need a volunteer from the listening audience to come up and step in this box. Now, this is a razor sharp saw...........

I Want The Flergüen Meats

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Jul 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Lock the front door. Do not answer your phone. And, if that PSYCHOPATH stands in your front yard, in the rain, with that stupid radio held over his head, he can drown for all I care. Now, let's browse Facebook and see who looks normal that we can start dating next week.

You Got Big Titties, Mama!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Jul 2021 11:00:00 -0400

OK. Take your right arm. Shake it out. Let's relax those fingers. We don't want anyone pulling muscles. Now, reach into that GRAB BAG and see if you pull out some cold, hard cash to pay your plastic surgeon with. Or, maybe you'll find the guidebook to raw and cooked sex. Only one way to find out. Deep breath. Now, reach on in.

I Don't Like The Sea Men

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT!!! We can't think of a better way to celebrate Independence Day than an episode dedicated to the Men and Women who have selflessly served our country in the United States MILITARY. Join us and our special guest, Actor, Writer, Staff Sargent: ANDRE JACKSON, as he helps Erin clarify which branch of the military fights on land and who protects us by sea. Now, drop and give me twenty because I just gave myself a buzz cut and I'm drunk with power!

Bump The Auto

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Jun 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Grab the sunscreen, get the water bottles, pack some snacks and grab the barf bags. We are spending the day at the AMUSEMENT PARK! Should I let me pregnant girlfriend ride The Cyclone? How can I possibly afford change for my kid to play video games in the arcade when they are selling beers in oversized cups? Pull down your safety bar and remember, you must be this tall to ride this week's episode of DEAR POD!

You Wouldn't Like Veal

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Get ready. We're sweaty, awkward, nervous and ready to blow. This week we're losing our VIRGINITY. When should we lose it? Who should we lose it to and if we don't use it, will we lose it? All of that and a "How To" by Erin that will haunt you for the rest of the summer. Get out the dental damn, cause it's time to pop that pesky cherry!

Herpes Lip, Sticky Juice & Claire

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Jun 2021 11:00:00 -0400

We are bursting at the seams because everyone in the Maha'a Tiki Lounge is beaming with PRIDE. This week we kick off Pride Month with parents who have always known THAT is how their son was born and he is AMAZING, Gay Pride Parades so fabulous that it freaks straight people out, and a story from Patty that show us all the strength of the human spirit. Things are getting real today at The Pineapple Ranch. Slip on your kaftan, grab a cocktail and get ready for a faaaaaaaaabulous month!

Fudgy Patty

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 11:00:00 -0400

It's 58 degrees. Looks like rain. It's the first week of June. Come hell or high water, we are all getting in the POOL today. So, let your neighbors know that you will be making a lot of noise and no one is to get Aunt Janice's hair wet. No one!

Cady...Do...Sumthin'

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 May 2021 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Masks are slowly coming off. The grass looks a little greener. The sky is a little bluer and all I want to do is DANCE! Get out your tap shoes and let's learn today's combination as we welcome Tony Award Winner, CADY HUFFMAN, into the Maha'a Tiki Dance Studio. If we do our job right, we will all have shin splints by the end of the episode. Now. First position. And... 5, 6, 7, 8!

Dumpin' Mud

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 May 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Get ready to dig, prune and seed. Because, this week we're visiting the GARDEN. In that pot is the rare Dear Abby letter where a man sings to his tomatoes. And wilting in the pot next to it is the popular Ann Landers letter that wants you to shut up around your plants. Just remember, everything looks better when surrounded with mulch. Including this week with DEAR POD!

The Art Of Fisting

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 May 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Don't let the title throw you. We're just GRABbing some BAGs today. Wow, that somehow seems worse. Anyway, when was the last time you went head to head with someone about the art of squeezing toothpaste? While we're at it, when was the last time you read up about the art of getting hit by lightening? Put on your rubber soles and get yourself grounded for today's life lessons.

Cookie In My Purse

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 May 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Pandemic or not. Masks or Face Shield. On The Rock or Straight up. It doesn't matter because DEAR POD is fully vaccinated and ready to celebrate its 2ND YEAR ANNIVERSARY. Join us in our "Way Back Machine" as we take another look at the outrageous, horrific, hysterical, gassy and entertaining past year that came to you week after week directly from the Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple Ranch. Please put your seats in the upright position. The celebration takes off in 3 -2 - 1........

He Has A High Anus

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Apr 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Umm. You're twenty minutes late. You keep interrupting everyone and your fly's down. Do you have any MANNERS? Well you come to the right place. By the end of this episode Erin and Patrick will have you saying please, thank you and apologizing for your ground shaking flatulence at the kitchen table. How lucky are you?

Avram, Pass The Chicken.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Apr 2021 11:00:00 -0400

The tank is full. The tires have air. That weird pine tree smelling thing is hanging from the rear view mirror. Who's DRIVING? Not me. I need to yell at you from the passenger seat. But we definitely should do the drive thru at the Dairy Queen. I mean, what good is a car if you're not going to use it properly. Buckle up as we merge onto the highway of this week's episode!

So, That's A Change?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Apr 2021 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Pull out the rabbit ears and attach the tinfoil, cause today we are turning the knob, getting rid of those wavy lines and revisiting the wonderful world of TELEVISION. And who better to guide us through this magical world of game shows, sitcoms and TV drama? None other that TV's sweetheart: Betty White. Nope. Nope. My bad. It's MICHAEL KOSTROFF. Their breadth of work is so similar, you can see where one can make that mistake.

Mouth Feel

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Apr 2021 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Start dipping those microphones in sanitizer because the COMEDY clubs are reopening and God knows what toxic hell is coming out of that prop-comic's mouth. Joining us via Zoom is funny lady and host of NPR's Ask Me Another, OPHIRA EISENBERG!. Are Canadians funnier than your weekly church bulletin? Only one way to find out.......................That's your cue. Hit the play button.

Pushing Mud

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Grab that last tube of toothpaste or anything gooey in reach, because today we are GRABbing BAGs. Would you go to a dinner party hosted by your husband's ex-wife? Can I just write an open letter to my children and hope that Ann Landers prints it? How long will it take during this episode for Erin and Patrick to talk about poop? Only way to find out is to put on your comfy shoes and come on over!

Chocolate Eclairs And My Vajeen

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 11:00:00 -0400

Get the bats out of your kitchen and that thirty something year old virgin out of his mother's basement, cause we're facing our biggest FEARS this week. Is Patrick too scared to make out with his co-host? Will Erin ever be comfortable around a dinosaur? Put on your comfy pants and belly up to this weeks bar of goodness!

And Another Hundred...

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Mar 2021 09:00:00 -0400

Get in the car. Head over to Costco. Buy an oversized pie and some cheap wine cause it’s time to over-indulge as DEAR POD celebrates its 100TH EPISODE!!! Join us , won’t you, as we enter our new “century” direct from the Maha’a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple Ranch! Batten down your hatches while we figure out why DEAR POD and peanut butter should not be refrigerated. Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em!

So, We're In This Abandoned Sears...

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Mar 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Is this episode about fears or FRIENDS? Perhaps it's about lawn furniture. Doesn't matter. Because at the ninety-ninth episode and day three thousand six hundred and forty one of the pandemic, Erin has officially lost her mind. So, please join Patrick and Jules as we search through the Maha'a Tiki Lounge for what's left of Erin's sanity. God's Speed!

Chef Meeeeee!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Get out your toupee tape because we don't want you to lose your WIG during this episode. Whether or not your hair is receding or proceeding, we here at the Maha'a Lounge believe that we can spot someone wearing a rug at twenty paces. So let's snack on some Thin Mints and Samoas as we apply a bit of spirit gum to the laces of this week's show and tease it high for all to enjoy!

Death By Snowglobe

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Feb 2021 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT! Don't you dare pay for that motel room with your credit card. Pay for it like any normal, cheating human being having an AFFAIR...in cash. No paper trail! Let's talk cheating spouses and uncomfortable romps between the sheets as film and television star STEPHANIE KURTZUBA visits the Maha'a Lounge and sheds some light on her roll in the cinematic hay with up and comer performer, Bobby DeNiro. She says he's shows promise.

Fudge, The Whale.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Feb 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Get our your Mercurochrome, Neosporin and Alcohol Wipes cause we are a bit ACCIDENT prone this week. While Abby deals with a husband who has a special agenda behind the drivers wheel, Ann deals with a husband who can't figure out how to clean his socks. All the while Erin and Patrick are trying to heal the egos of all the people whose names and faces they have forgotten within a week. Don't slip on the ice as you download this week's Master Class on Life.

Saxophone For Lovers

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Feb 2021 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT! Things are getting hot, steamy and sexy in the Maha'a Lounge this week. While Ann and Abby blush over articles of love on VALENTINE'S DAY, Erin and Patty sweat and scream while, outrageously entertaining and oh-so sexy, NATALIE JOY JOHNSON straps one on and shows us all how to find it, rub it, slap it ride it...oh God...whew...that was great...I need a smoke. Get into Queen, cause here we go!

Mashed Potatoes, Helen?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Feb 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Happy BLACK HISTORY MONTH! This week Ann and Abby tackle head on or sometimes avoid the topic of race, bigotry and tolerance. In the meantime, Erin and Patty have absolutely no time for your racist, bull$hit, ignorant nonsense. With that in mind, let's all join the conversation. Except for you, Troy. Just sit there, listen and for God's sake, learn something.

Siegfried & Roy Are A Couple?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 11:00:00 -0500

Unless you live on your own private island, there is no way getting around the joys and drama of your NEIGHBORS. Are they envious of your color schemes on your abode? Does their potbellied pig make your cold heart warm up or just turn your stomach sour? Doesn't matter. Cause unless you move, you're stuck with the fact that their Christmas decorations will be up all year. So, chew on that, Spanky. And take a deep breath for another dose of cold, hard, ummmmm.........................stuff.

Oh My God!!!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 11:00:00 -0500

While peeing in a urinal, Michael Leeney turned to me and said, "My Dad is smarter than your Dad." What? What is that supposed to mean??? Why are you telling me now? Did I mention we were in kindergarten at the time? You ask me if I hold a GRUDGE? This happened over forty years ago and I remember it word for word! Pour yourself a big glass of Pedialyte cause our stomach lining is in shambles over this week's episode.

So Much For Dry January

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Jan 2021 11:00:00 -0500

SOBRIETY. What a wonderful idea. Then a coup happens and all bets are off. Let's pour ourselves an O'Douls or a vigin margarita and see who is a lightweight and who can bend their elbows with the best of them. No judgement here if you just stick with Diet Coke. But honestly. After what happened this past week...I'm adding some Rye to it.

Marie Crannie

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Jan 2021 11:00:00 -0500

It's a New Year and a new GRAB BAG. Can a wife use her husband's karate classes as a reason for divorce? Can I divorce my husband if he has a crush on Ann Landers? Let's not jump to any rash conclusions. I think we should all sit up. Clear our throats. And sing through them. Yes. Sing through your throat and welcome to DEAR POD in 2021.

Vodka Soda. No Fruit.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 31 Dec 2020 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT. Have you written your RESOLUTIONS for 2021 yet? No? Good for you! Did ya see what happened when you wrote them in advance for 2020. That's right. A knee to the crotch. But all is not lost DEAR POD Family. This week, Master Instructor at Peloton, the indefatigable CHRISTINE D'ERCOLE will be guiding us with hope, sweat, tears and the best damn playlist to get us through this new year. I Am, I Can, I Will, I Do believe that before this episode is over we will be raising a glass to you. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hot Ruttered Bum

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Dec 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Ho Ho Ho and Hee Haw to You All! It's that magical time of year when we throw holiday parties and get mad at the smokers. Bitch about why we have to give a gift to our children's teacher, and shove cloves into an orange because no one has any better ideas. You better watch out because we have a SPECIAL GUEST calling in who is sure to offend everyone. Now, take off the mask. Take a deep breath in. Smell the firewood burning and give us a smile. It's CHRISTMAS at DEAR POD. Now, let's don our gay apparel.

L'Shana Tovah Feldshuh

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT. Let's shake out our hands and stretch our legs. Cause not only are we sending out HOLIDAY CARDS this week, we are kicking our legs up high with former Radio City Rockette, JULIE TOMAINO. Yeah that's right. We are going to time-step our way into your hearts. Kick-Ball-Change the sunshine into your day. Double Turn, Pivot, Step...CRAP...OH GOD...EVERYBODY STOP...I think I just sprained something.

Tap Dancing On A F#ckin' Landmine

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 11:00:00 -0500

This week, let's turn on the oven, get out the cookie sheets, prep the rolling pin and tell the family to, "Get the hell out of the house and leave me alone, because I am BAKING!" Milk will curdle, chocolate will be burnt and cakes will fall as we mix, whip and fold another weekly episode into this delicious holiday season. Get those chestnuts roasting, cause here we come nipping at your nose and raiding your liquor cabinet!

Shut The F$ck Up, Dolly!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Quick question. Why did it take a worldwide pandemic for us to realize that maybe we shouldn't stand over a frosted dessert, blow out BIRTHDAY candles and then serve pieces of this breathy, saliva covered treat to our family and friends? This is just one of the hard hitting, professionally researched questions that we will most likely ignore on this celebratory episode of DEAR POD!

The Tickle, The Push & The Burn

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Whether you hop on a Peloton Bike or visit your local Lucille Roberts, you're going to have to shed off the extra pounds gained on this THANKSGIVING. I mean, is anyone coming over this year? Are we going to eat this entire meal ourselves with no other guests? Are you telling me the house will be calm? No fights with Uncle Lou at the dinner table? (wiping away a single tear) Pour me a Specialty Cocktail because Pandemic Thanksgiving just carved a place in my heart.

Frank! What Were You Thinking?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 11:00:00 -0500

GUEST ALERT. OK. Let's move the sofa a bit more to the right. Now, I would like the main feature of this room to be a six by six foot picture of my dog dressed as Benjamin Franklin. I really think a piece like that would make a bold statement. What ever your tastes, this episode about HOME DECOR still doesn't answer the question why the shag carpet was invented in the first place. Perhaps our special guest and design guru, CHUCK RAGSDALE, can skillfully thrown a nice designer blanket over the armrest of this episode.

Golden Dongs

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Nov 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Not only will I GRAB that BAG but I will take everything off of that shelf and put it in my cart. We're off the rails this week because husbands are barking at dogs, salesmen are renting girls and Erin and Patrick are mainlining Super Market Sweep into their veins. Clean up on Aisle three, cause here they come!

An Ambrosia Salad Of Emotions

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Nov 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Another year. Another ELECTION. A lot more than mud has been thrown around these past four years. Whether you're an 8th grader running for Class President or a President who acts like an 8th grader when running for re-election, let's put our differences aside and agree on one thing. The holograph of Robert Kardashian could be the thing that saves us all in 2020. God Bless You and God Bless the United States of America!

Reckless Apple

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Get into your Cocktail Waitress costume and a different type of mask this year, cause it's time to celebrate another go at HALLOWEEN! Do we give kids candy this year? Are they coming to our front door? Or do we just buy a slingshot and fire a Baby Ruth at them? Let's pour ourselves a nice, stiff glass of Witches Brew and figure out if we pass out colored pencils or hand sanitizer this year.

Hey! It's Ernie.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! It's not so much that we see dead people, it's just that they just won't shut up. This week, as the Ladies take on questions regarding PSYCHICS, Erin and Patty welcome Psychic Medium, ANGELINA DIANA, to the pod. Candles are lit. Mind is clear. If anything starts to float in the Maha'a Tiki lounge, we are outta here! Now, I predict that you will goto patreon.com/dearpodofficial and become a member. It's true. I saw it. Get going. I can wait.

Shout Out To The Ghost

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Oct 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Hide your kids and hide your wife because we're celebrating October by embracing the GHOSTS that walk among us. Do you still talk to your old dead girlfriend even though you've been married to another woman for years? Do we use "sporks" in the after-life? Grab a scone as we welcome Emily Seeley Banos to the pod and see how much a group of adults can piss off a dead, sea captain.

That Clamping Trip

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 12:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Fill the canteens, pack your socks and pitch a tent, cause this week we're all hanging out in the great outdoors. Erin and Patrick will be safely inside the nearest hotel, warm and toasted as the rest of us are braving the elements. Join us with special guest, Mountain Climber, Author, Speaker and Over-Achiever, JOHN BEEDE, as we shimmy up the side of the weekly cliff that we call, DEAR POD.

The Shake And The Push

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Oct 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Filtered or unfiltered, it doesn't matter. This episode on SMOKING is definitely going to tar up your lungs. Does your 85 years old father practically burn the house down every time he lights up? Is the expression "My Husband Is Smoking In The Bedroom" not a real turn on in your house? Grab a Krispy Kreme and smoke 'em if ya got 'em, cause we're blazing up this week's episode.

Watch-Mach-Lit

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Sep 2020 11:00:00 -0400

We got a wedding ANNIVERSARY in the Maha'a Tiki Lounge this week. It's only nine years but in pandemic time that equals one hundred and thirty seven years. Whether you pay off your spouses bookie or get them an overpriced, sandwich bag full of apples, the gifts are overflowing this year. Let's all pile into the mudroom and get this party started!

Give Me A Bag Of Hair.Tell Me A Story.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Some topics bear repeating. And when you're in the middle of a pandemic, we're going to take the easy way out and give you another take on SHOPPING. Apparently, Moth has more to say on this subject. About 10,000 things more. Let's head to Sears and see what the hub-bub is all about this week.

Size One Nipples

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Power up your computers. Get your masks on. Do not sit next to anyone on the bus. I don't care how you're getting there but dammit, you're going back to SCHOOL. And don't give me any crap that you don't feel well, cause I have a school nurse here today who will take your temperature in the exit only zone. Ya get me?! Just so we're clear.

I Need A Lot Of Caulk

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Do I wife swap? Should I let my kid cut into a golf ball? Do I douse myself with gasoline before shooting this shark with my flare gun? These are the burning questions that one encounter during a GRAB BAG session. So, grab your Stella Doro's and dip. This may be a bit dry.

Grabbing A Fistful Of Wieners

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Aug 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for this weeks episode on TELEVISION. The Red (actually green) Carpet is rolled out for this week's in-studio guest, 1970's sitcom legend, RICHARD KLINE! The dirt gets dished on everything from Singer Sewing Machine commercials to Herve Villechaize. So, grab your roommates, let's all meet at the "Beagle", and we'll all learn how to blow dry our chest hair.

A Beet With Teeth

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 11:00:00 -0400

For the love of God. I know it's summer time. It's supposed to be hot. But can ya arrange for a breeze every now and then? I'm SWEATING my Beans and Franks off over here. Whether it's your palms or your pits, get cozy in front of the A/C today. Cause, we're "dewing" all over this episode.

Old Teeth Helen Hunt?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 11:00:00 -0400

If you're gonna pass out at the Whole Food, just make sure your Mom is cooking the meal you fainted on. Anything goes today because it's time for a GRAB BAG. Are you losing all of your money at bingo? Do your sons keep losing their temper. Well, let's all grab an unbreakable egg and try to squeeze another episode out of this. You can do it. Keep squeezing!

You Made Your Mom Bark

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Where's my stress ball when I need it? I didn't get five minutes of sleep last night cause my $%#@& husband was SNORING. Or maybe you are someone who finds that peaceful. Really? Are you insane? Or, should we just call you "Erin". BTW, you're gonna need your sleep, cause after this week's MOTH REPORT, the images in your head will keep you awake until the Fall season. Enjoy!

Jesus Is A Real Pill

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Jul 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Everyone take cover cause mud is being thrown all over this podcast. I don't give a sh&t if you are my best friend. If you don't vote for my guy, this relationship is over! We're four months away from the Presidential Election and POLITICS makes a room intense, upset and irate worse than me clipping my toenails on a crowed subway. I'm not saying that actually happened...but...you get the gist.

Liam Neeson In The Drive-Thru

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Jul 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Do you have a second? I don't mean to be weird but can you please put some sunblock on my back? Cause, we are smack in the middle of SUNTANNING season and Erin is the poster child for "Melanoma Redhead of the Month". Whether you're catching rays in the buff or in front of your stepfather, you're going to want to increase your SPF levels during this episode. And remember to flip over every ten minutes.

She Slept Where She Landed

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Whether your father is trying to get you laid on your Sweet 16 or your spouse's gift is a beautifully, handwritten letter of expectations and demands, nothing is more exciting to find out what kind of hell awaits you on your BIRTHDAY. So, get your Carvel Cakes out of the freezer as we blow out the candles of all of your expectations for this weeks episode!

That Knee To Knee Business Is New To Me

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT! Batten down your hatches for a GRAB BAG this week. Just when you think we're gonna zig, we talk about Handicap Parking. Just when you think we're gonna zag, we hit you with Genital Herpes. Let put on the hits and a nice gingham robe as we take our morning coffee with this week's goodness.

Sweet And Burning

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 11:00:00 -0400

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Their Droppings Are Monumental

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Jun 2020 11:00:00 -0400

I need a VACATION from this quarantine vacation. Time to pack the suitcases. Go visit friends and do laundry at their house. We’ll probably leave the dogs with them too. I mean, they're little. How hard is it to take care of them? Now, how many Hawaiian shirts should I pack?

I'm Not Rippled

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Jun 2020 11:00:00 -0400

GUEST ALERT!!! Do I go with the Basket Weave wallpaper or do we just tear down this wall? Should I repaint the bathroom or should I just divorce my husband? So many questions when it comes to HOME IMPROVEMENT. Put down the nail gun and swatches as special guest, interior Designer, ELLEN Z. WRIGHT guides Erin & Patty through a stress-free design class...with booze.

Two Gayliens

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Jun 2020 11:00:00 -0400

The clouds have parted. The temperature has risen. Everyone is in a bathing suit and a mask. Some are just wearing a mask. These are encouraging signs that SUMMER is now upon us. Time to get out the JARTS and just start throwing them at each other. God knows we need to be active during this quarantine. Today's episode is brought to you by the hashtag #deargodwhencanistopwearingthismask

Licentious

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Strap into your Man Bra, cause we are giving you GRAB BAG variety today. Should you do bicep curls to prep before you carry your Bride over the threshold? Are you a former Marine who has unique taste in clothes? If we're lucky, by the end of this STREAMYARD episode, we may get new fans from faraway places like California............or Indonesia.

Jesus Hates Figs

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 May 2020 11:00:00 -0400

I'm going to be honest about my HAIR. It's not a wig, like most people think. The Friar Tuck bald patch and the receding forehead really belong to me. I don't understand why you people don't believe me. No, Erin and Patrick, I don't want a wig hat. But, I'll admit. They're pretty stylish.

The King & Thai

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 May 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Listen, I know we've known each other for a while now, but for God's sake will you please close the door to the can while you're taking a dump? I don't care how many years we've been celebrating our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Some things just aren't meant to be seen by others. That...and a naked Lena Dunham. These are things I choose not to see. Enjoy the show.

I'll Eat Around This Rock

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 May 2020 11:00:00 -0400

What is proper ETIQUETTE in a Zoom Room? Do I have to make eye contact? Can I drink like a fish? Is the wearing of pants optional? Whether you're wondering who picks up the bill for birth control or if college boys make good weekend guests, we have the answers to almost none of your questions this week!

YEAR POD,

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 May 2020 11:00:00 -0400

IT'S DEAR POD'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!! Pour yourself a tall one, cause we've been drinking all week! Let's take a look back and celebrate the insanity of the little podcast that could. From rival sisters in the advice column business, podcast hosts who only seem to travel to Amish Country, people who actually took the time to take pen to paper-write down their problems-stick it in an envelope and mail it to a high wigged and cheek-boned stranger, to a weekly Specialty Cocktail designed to make your day go a little smoother. We are delighted again to welcome you all to the "Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the Beautiful Pineapple Ranch". Can we hear it?!?!?!?!?!

A Musical Gift From Patty

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Mon, 04 May 2020 11:00:00 -0400

In celebration of DEAR POD's 1st Anniversary and over 50 episodes milestone, our very own Patrick O'Brien takes time out of his busy seven day a week operatic vocal lessons and celebrates his colleagues with a heartfelt ditty.

Naked. Father. Wandering.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

I turns out I discovered the cure to pre-mature balding while I was dreaming the other night. Unfortunately, I was talking in my SLEEP and no one could understand what the hell I was mumbling about. Try not to take anything too literally today as we "express" ourselves during this weeks episode.

I Make My Own Sauce.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

We're gloved. We're masked. But we're not wearing any pants. You need as much protection these days when it's a GRAB BAG. So grab your gay dog and that sexy senior citizen down the street. Now let's all twenty three skidoo into todays nonsense.

I'm Gonna Test The Crotch For Space.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Does this dress make me look fat? Why, yes. Yes it does. This week, we get honest with the harsh realities of SHOPPING. From choosing the perfect outfit to buying just the right body wash, we take you on a vast journey of...well...only for examples. Let's face it. We can't be here all day. We've got Netflix to binge.

A Tribute From DEAR POD

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Tue, 14 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

In Memory of Jim Ferris, Jr. Beloved Father to James "Jules" Ferris and Father-in-Law to our own Annnnnnnnnn Landers.

Get In Your Bunker, Gladys.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Break out the chocolate malted eggs and dip some stuff in that Paz bowl, because it is EASTER! Can you handle more people at your house for another holiday? Guess what? You don't have to worry about it this year. Suit up your dogs in their shark themed life vest as we dive into this weeks Cadbury goodness.

A Spring Message, From Abby

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Mon, 06 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

A poem, by Abby herself, to guide all fans of DEAR POD through these challenging days.

Knock Over Three Dummies And Win A Nun Doll!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Do you need a little good news right about now? Well. we got it for ya. IT'S DEAR POD'S 50th EPISODE! Yes, my friends. Fifty episodes deep. And let's be honest, have we really learned anything? All the players are here. Erin is drinking. Patrick is judging. And, Moth is waiting for her phone to ring. Now, grab your Skipper doll, pump her arm and watch what develops!

A Bedtime Story

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Mon, 30 Mar 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Put on your jammies, fluff your pillow, and pour yourself a nightcap. A special treat for all of our Dear Pod fans. A bedtime story read by our very own AAAAAAAAAnn Landers!

What Day Is It? Day.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 11:00:00 -0400

How ya doin'? Ya hanging in there. Weird stuff going on out there right now. You know who's making things weirder? TEENS. Sure, they've been spreading their infections up and down the coast of Florida for decades but do they have to do it now?!?! Join the ladies as they deal with the Rock and Roll music, swingin' parents and let's all wait for Gal Gadot as we sanitize ourselves into this weeks episode.

A Special Message From All Of Us At DEAR POD

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Mon, 23 Mar 2020 11:00:00 -0400

The Bidet Has Come

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Mar 2020 11:00:00 -0400

Wash your hands, dip yourself in Purell, stand six feet away from each other. This is what we, as a nation, normally do on ST. PATRICK'S DAY. Ann and Abby are dealing with Irish tempers, lying to your Irish father and, well...........drinking. So, let's not panic, be kind to one another and pour yourself a cold one. Cause we're gonna keep it silly!

I Cannot Go On With That Distraction

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 11:00:00 -0400

As a recent graduate of Toastmasters, let me say that this episode's theme of THEATRE/PERFORMING ARTS will be taking a lot of liberties. Had to squeeze many stones to get a drop of liquid out for this one. So, grab your child, head to the nearest adult feature and let's see where this takes us.

Twice On Sunday

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Pop the cork, mix the drinks and restart the podcast, cause today we're giving you DEAR POD LIVE! Recored in front of a SOLD OUT audience at the Fulton Theatre in Lancaster, PA. Erin and Patrick get out of their horse and buggy and get down and dirty with the good folk of Dutch County and discover that Ann & Abby are still as loved today as ever before. And Jim learns the hard way what the RECORD button on the mixer does. Knowledge is Power!

A$$hole of Liiiiife!!!!!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Feb 2020 11:00:00 -0500

We're not even sure if we're ready for this episode. This one is just plain down and dirty and we need to take a long hot shower to wash off all the funk when it's over. Fire up your VCR's, get your tapes from the 1980's, cause today we are gonna lube up and enter the world of PORN. I've "Manscaped" for this occasion. So.Ya know. You're welcome.

Another Kielbasa, Father Kelly?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 14:00:00 -0500

Yes, I'll eat those fries, And, yes, I'll have a Filet O' Fish with that. Don't you understand? I'm in the best shape of my life and I will DINE wherever I want! So, shake some laundry starch over those eggs and hang some centerfold in your dining room. Time to belly up to this weeks buffet!

#VTOO

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 11:00:00 -0500

I left you all a brown lunch bag, some crayons and glue on your desks. We're about to make a crappy mailbox to collect the one to three VALENTINE cards that you will receive this year. Whether you're special Valentine is your Mother or the married guy from next door. Grab a handful of Girl Scout cookies and eat them off of Ann and Abby as our love gets real this week.

Leon. Tampa.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Everyone relax and just breathe! Let's take a look. Ah. Yes. Good. It appears that the podcast is crowning. Now if Erin and Patrick can just keep it together, we're just gonna need one more big push to get this PREGNANCY episode into the delivery room. This one is going to be messy.

Bring Out Eddie!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Just read this description as fast as you can and then get on with your day. Because time is MONEY. And Jesus, Lord, Our Savior, we will never have enough. Whether you're frugal or a big spender, it's the topic that get's Erin so stressed you will find her safely tucked in a corner having a glorious breakdown. Bring out the hot stones, cause we're all gonna need a bit of relief from this one.

Jesus, Gabi!!!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 Jan 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Do you love your body? Well, you shouldn't! SHAME. Are you uncomfortable showering in front of all those other kids at school? Well, you should't be! SHAME. This one might get a little weird. Go ahead and bake a casserole and invite the stranger next door over for dinner and some knowledge. Are we having fun yet? Well, we shouldn't! SHAME!!!

Meet My Beloved Smother......I Mean Mother.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Think you're tough? Think nothing can shake you or get under your skin? Obviously, you have never gone through the ass tightening, hair graying, back breaking pleasure of MOVING. Whether you want to move out of your parents house or move in with your Mother and Grandmother, this episode of Moving Out will definitely give you a heart attack-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak!

Rest In Peace, Elwanda Greer

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 11:00:00 -0500

Listen, People. It is not our job to tell you about the Bird and the Bees. But if you can't figure out on your own that a 71 year old woman can't get pregnant, then maybe you shouldn't be having 'Sexy Sexy Time" in the first place. Put down the sweets as we start counting calories here at the Pod. It's time we all went through some CH-CH-CH-CH-CHA-CHANGES!

He's Sweating His Hair Off

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 11:00:00 -0500

The Ball has dropped. The tree is down. The ornaments are put away. Now, let's get back to the matters at hand. Like peeing in public, kissing your girlfriend with a mouthful of braces, and understanding that hair is important dammit. Hair is important! It's a GRAB BAG,Ya'll.

One Fantastic Woman

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 11:00:00 -0500

HAPPY NEW YEAR! We're about to launch into a new decade and Ann Landers has something to say about this, dammit! How will you spend your New Years Eve? At a cheap motel? Making out with your sister-in-law? Meanwhile, Erin & Patrick are waxing poetic about their most memorable moments of the past ten years. Or past year. Or last couple of days. Doesn't matter. It will all end with drinking!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Rear!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 11:00:00 -0500

The gifts still aren't wrapped, the traffic is unbearable, the carolers are outside the door and they won't shut up. It all doesn't matter, CAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! Ann has no time for people who are weird about getting their pets gifts and Abby gets curious at a husband everyone has to kiss at the Christmas party. Bring your snowballs to Mrs. Bailey and let the dipping commence. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-HEE-HAW!!!

I Should Have Named You Caroline.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 11:00:00 -0500

We're going from holiday prep to husband swapping and straight across to sex before church on this GRAB BAG episode. Erin finally gets her moment on her soapbox to tell you if DIE HARD is really a Christmas movie and Patrick cleans up her mess with his brand new SHAM-WOW. Yipee-Ki-Ay Mother F@ckers, it's showtime!

Where My Background Singers?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Dec 2019 11:00:00 -0500

I'm having a hard time reading this description. Can you please move the cue cards faster? Thank you. Hey! Are you another year older today? Would you like us to interrupt your school day and celebrate your BIRTHDAY right in the middle of class? Your teacher won't mind. Buy your spouse an inappropriate present to mark this yearly occasion and let's blow all the candles out on Erin's rum-soaked cake. It's a party, Y'all!

No Holiday Is A Vacation!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 28 Nov 2019 11:00:00 -0500

Get out the turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, string beans, gravy, bread, booze, yams, mashed potatoes, those appetizers with the water chestnuts and the bacon, cheese plate, pepperoni sticks, that thing in the casserole dish that I believe has mashmallows and fluff, and let's all shove it in our faces and piss Partick off. It's the THANKSGIVING episode! Bon Appetit!

I Can Feel The Damp In My Knee.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 21 Nov 2019 11:00:00 -0500

What is going on with this Fall weather? One day it's crisp. The next day it's freezing. And, the next day we're wearing shorts. Whether it's hot, cold, snowing, raining or a gorgeous day, someone will always be bitching about the WEATHER. Ann & Abby have their rain gear on and Patrick is knockin' Erin out with "those American thighs". Let's do this thing!

Wash Your Flesh Car.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 14 Nov 2019 11:00:00 -0500

We're trying to play this episode on the "down low". It's not that we're in a serious relationship with other podcasts. We just find them sexy and want to bone them. That right. It's all about INFIDELITY today. So, pour a glass of a nice, lite Egg Nog and try to talk your way out of this episode.

She Has A Wimbledon Trophy On Her Ear

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 07 Nov 2019 11:00:00 -0500

Get out your Ouija boards and settle in. Who knows who's gonna haunt us in this weeks GRAB BAG. What kind of head protection should one wear during sex? And just by reading this episode summary, does it send you running to the bathroom? Put your attitudes in check, throw on your blazer with the shoulder pads and find out "What's Shak'in" on the pod.

A Bag Of Chips And A Dream

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 31 Oct 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Can't talk. Shoving candy into our faces. We are all sugared up for this week's HALLOWEEN edition. Should we ditch the candy this year and just give the kids pennies? And, how the hell is a costumed stranger coming to your door demanding food not a weird thing? Grab your full size Snickers (and if you're Patrick...raisins) and celebrate All Hallows Eve with us!

I'm 63 And I'm Ready To F$CK!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Just in time for the end of Baseball season and Football in the Fall, this one is all about SPORTS. Do you lose your husband on a nightly basis to all of his extracurricular, physical activities? Does wearing a girdle really help your long game? And for God's sake, will someone please explain to Ann why girls CAN play tackle football! Let's all Seventh Inning Stretch into this week's lessons.

A Spray Of Na-Tay.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Jesus, we're going to need help with this one. Oh. I'm sorry. I was actually praying to Jesus for guidance through this weeks episode. Cause, it's all about RELIGION. Does your religion allow you to give your body to science? Will it let you be buried with your favorite jewelry? Grab a milkshake while you walk down the street as you listen to Erin mispronounce everything.

It's A Very Mitzi Gaynor Sunday

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 11:00:00 -0400

So...last week was all about Sisters. One guess what this weeks episode is serving up? Yeah. Yeah. We could have tried harder. But, hey! Does your BROTHER blame you for your wife's nervous breakdown? Or does he expect you to do all the Birthday shopping and he'll just sign his name to the card? Relax. Turn on your sound machines and let Ina and Jeffrey make it all better. Bon Appetit!

A Belly Full Of Potato Salad

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Liza and Lorna. Queen Elizabeth and Princess Margaret. Ann and Abby. Yup. This week we're talking about SISTERS. Is yours a thief only when checked into a hotel? Perhaps she likes to lock you outside the house. You know. Just cuz.? Chances are are, if you have one, then we've got a story for you. Tell that old lady to put the barbell down and shut her yap. It's time to bless the rains down in Africa.

She Framed Your Pants?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Put on your dancing' shoes and let's head out to Club La Bomba! Because in todays GRAB BAG we Cha Cha from kids with birthmarks, spouses who get their palms read, and a husband who thinks that sex is a cure all for just about everything. He may be on to something. Squeeze into those overalls and get comfy with this week's words and sounds!

Hell In An Automobile

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? As we say goodbye to summer for another season, we tip our hat to the memory of a glorious, stressful, non-relaxing, alcoholic, sand-up-your-crack filled VACATION. How do you split travel cost among friends traveling together? And is a weekend getaway really a vacation? Our storefront physic has all the answers this week. So, put your money down and deal with the results!

Keep Cool But Don't Freeze.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 12 Sep 2019 11:00:00 -0400

If you guys don't mind, this kid is going to sit next to you and burp while you're listening to the podcast. Have a problem with that? Well, take it up with this week's theme: PARENTS. What do you do when your Mom's a klepto? Does Grandma really have a say how you discipline your child? Grab yourself a Manwich and make this week's episode your meal!

No Kitty On Titty!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 05 Sep 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Get a tissue, cause this week Erin and Patrick are feeling all the feels. Welcome to the wonderful world of PETS! Ann is plagued with the decision if cats are made for kissing. Meanwhile, Abby acts as mediator for the deceased and their pets who are willed their fortunes. Bend down. Open your mouth. Let the cat smell your breath and let's all roll over and get our bellies rubbed.

He Don't And We Was.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Get out your slide rulers, calculators and brand new Buster Brown shoes, cause in this episode we're going BACK TO SCHOOL! Abby gets to know one of the best homework procrastinators of all time and Ann has an issue with anyone who does not want to lather up after a sweaty session of P.E. Don't be tardy this week or Erin will ask for a note from your parents!

I Think I'm Part of a Tattoo

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 22 Aug 2019 11:00:00 -0400

We can't see each other anymore! It's not you, it's me. Actually, it's you. Yup. It's all about EX'S this week. Ann rolls hers eyes at a Mom who thinks she can do better than her daughter. Meanwhile, Abby deals with ex-spouses who feel they deserve a little something from their deceased, ex in-laws. Don't get Erin started on Ex's still reaching out. She has no time for any of that baloney this week!

I'm P.E-ing Myself Right Now

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Put on you're jogging shorts and choke down some kale, cause this week we're bringing you a bit of HEALTH AND FITNESS. Ann makes it very clear that she doesn't endorse any diet, while Abby tries to help a desperate man who has too much junk in his trunk. Get that enormous baby carriage out of your way and head on over to this week's episode.

Get On That Bee!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 11:00:00 -0400

A good old fashioned GRAB BAG episode today! Ann introduces us to a man who has had too much time to himself to plan a brilliant scheme to get a job. Meanwhile, Abby deals with a fella who might lose his job if he can just keep objects out of his mouth. Put down that bingo card and let's all sing karaoke with this week's cornucopia of delights!

Arigato! Nice Tits.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 01 Aug 2019 11:00:00 -0400

It's a scorcher out there, folks! Hope you have purchased your new 6000 BTU air conditioners and are cooling off in your tents. Abby and Erin share their thoughts and horrors about adults being nude. Meanwhile, Ann wraps her mitts around a wife with a rope, a bed, and a husband who just needs some down time. Enjoy some franks and beans as we blast into this one!

You Suck!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 25 Jul 2019 11:00:00 -0400

What's it like to be a seventeen year old girl and know that you're very attractive? On the other hand, what's it like to start dating at the age of twelve? Do you smell a theme? This week is all about the wonderful world of POPULARITY. Slice off a piece of Birthday Cake, throw on your worn out album of A Chorus Line, and 5, 6, 7, 8 yourself into this week's jazz combination.

And THAT'S Family!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 18 Jul 2019 11:00:00 -0400

It's our very first LIVE AUDIENCE in the Maha'a Lounge! And we filled it with family. How ironic, cause today's topic is all about FAMILY. Which family members really deserve to get their pictures taken at a wedding? And do we really have to support our adult family member when they graduate college? Try not to pass out as your blood pressure plummets while we present you this week's chaos!

They Should be Punched in the Baby Maker!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Don't wear your good shirt. You'll probably get spittle all over it, Cause today's show is all about BABIES! Abby discovers that a man who has too many daughters...is an idiot. And a listener believes that a very middle-aged Ann just might be pregnant. HEY! HEY! YOU! Take the kids out of the fridge and let's go visit the Amish. It's a new day to learn!

CONFIDENTIAL TO:

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 04 Jul 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Today's episode is all about the "CONFIDENTIAL TO's". We're reading the answers to unpublished questions.The advice-seeking questions weren't printed, but our High Haired Heroines answers to them were. Sound weird? Patrick thinks so. Relax your Hidee-Holes and grab some Swizzle Cake. You'll need a drink after this one.

Dear Gay Pod,

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 27 Jun 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Just in time to "bring up the rear" of Gay Pride Month, we happily present DEAR POD's themed episode celebrating everyone and everything that is Faaaaaabulousssss!!! We shine a light on Abby's enlightened look at alternative lifestyles. Ann get's the scoop on the first gay university and Erin has issues with Mariah Carey. Grab your Glow-Sticks and open your umbrellas, CAUSE IT'S RAINING MEN!! Today's episode is brought to you by: BREAD.

A Slow and Crunchy Death.

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 20 Jun 2019 11:00:00 -0400

(cue the organ music)Today's episode is about DEATH & DYING. Is it good form to film a strangers funeral? And what should you wear when you attend one? We learn what could have been the everlasting after-life of Chow Chow and why dead skunks like to ride canoes. Grab your corncob and assume the position. It's time to learn more things.

Bad Place to Stand!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Let's all take our sleeping babies to McDonald's and take a survey on teen sex! A 15 year old girl considers Abby the closest thing she has to a mother. And we introduce our new segments of "Episode Themed Cocktails" and "Listener Mail". Raise your glass and gulp down this week's buffet of worded wisdom!

Taste and See the Goodness!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Ring those WEDDING bells and say, "I do" or "Let's see what happens". It's our first themed show! Should a bride's mother tart it up at her daughter's wedding? Ann has a pamphlet for all your wedding needs and Abby gets very direct to a new bride about her "pal" of a husband. We're shooting interiors today and you're coming with us!

Why Did I Bring My Five Year Old to "On Golden Pond"?!?

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 30 May 2019 11:00:00 -0400

In this weeks episode, we break down just how much high school reunions suck. What is proper wedding etiquette as a guest and why does Erin have to cater it? And if you ever wondered what a potty mouthed Katherine Hepburn would sound like, grab a piece of a twelve foot party sandwich and take a bite with us!

STEVEN!!!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 23 May 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Check behind your walls and join us as Abby discovers the surprise of a gallstone. Learn why Erin won't eat at Stinkberry. And let's all starve ourselves as we discover the dietary rules of Oral Roberts University. Pop open a can of a wine style product and choke down this weeks episode!

I Killed a Man in Muskegon!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 16 May 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Erin & Patrick discuss the pros and cons of Soul Cycle. Ann responds to a famous Rockstar. And we learn how one man HAS to make love ONLY in the afternoon. Put some tarter sauce on those five pieces of fish, grab a fork and dig in!

Sorry, Toots!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 May 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Abby gives some brutally honest advice to a grieving mother. Ann breaks down the pluses and minuses to having a twin sister (in the same profession.) We ponder the question if Jaguars can be homosexual. And we discuss the famed $2.05 cake. Batter up!

Howzat???

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 09 May 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Today, Ann gets a letter from America! Abby helps a child AND an adult who are confused about baby making. And we discover the joys of the $2.05 cake. Pour yourself a glass of Vanderpump Rose and hop on board!

Ann F$#king Landers!!!

Erin Maguire, Patrick O'Brien, Jim Ferris — Thu, 02 May 2019 11:00:00 -0400

Our Pilot Episode! Join Erin and Patrick as they speelunk headfirst into the rounded hair and high cheekbone world of Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren. Grab a rum ball and enjoy!