No intimacy. No desire. Nothing.

Then one day, he finds out his wife is cheating.

But not with another man… with another woman.

Now he’s trying to make sense of it:

Is she gay?
Is this just a phase?
Why does she suddenly have a sex drive again… just not with him?

In this episode, I break down what’s really going on when a woman checks out of a marriage and redirects her desire somewhere else.

We talk about:

• Why female sexuality tends to be more fluid than most men realize
• What the research actually says about attraction and arousal
• Evolutionary psychology theories behind same-sex exploration
• Why sexless marriages don’t mean “low libido”
• The uncomfortable truth most men avoid facing

If you’re in a sexless marriage or feel like your wife has completely lost interest in you, this will hit close to home.

Start with my book here:
https://deadbedroomfix.com

If you want support from men who understand this and won’t sugarcoat things, check out the Brotherhood:
https://helpformen.com/join

Their sex life had slowly faded until they were barely intimate at all.

Then he noticed something strange.

His wife became very protective of her phone.

One day he looked.

What he found wasn’t explicit cheating… but it explained a lot.

In this episode we talk about:

• Emotional affairs and how they begin
• Why sexless marriages create vulnerability
• What to do when you discover suspicious messages
• Why confrontation often backfires

If you’re dealing with a sexless marriage, start here:

https://deadbedroomfix.com

If you want grounded support from men navigating similar situations, check out the Brotherhood:

https://helpformen.com/join

Not just the event itself.

The exact words.
The tone.
Where you were standing.
What you said.

Meanwhile you're sitting there thinking, “I barely remember last week.”

In this episode, I explain why this happens and why women often remember emotional events in relationships far longer than men do. It’s not just a stereotype. There are real psychological and biological reasons behind it.

We’ll talk about emotional memory, rumination, relationship pattern tracking, and why unresolved emotional injuries can stay alive in someone's memory for decades.

Understanding this dynamic can completely change how you view long-term relationships and recurring arguments.

If you’re dealing with a struggling marriage, resentment that never seems to go away, or a sexless relationship, this video will give you some useful insight.

If you're struggling with a sexless marriage, check out my book:
https://deadbedroomfix.com

And if you want support from men dealing with the same issues, learn more about the Help For Men Brotherhood:
https://helpformen.com/join

We host multiple live meetings every week where men talk openly about marriage problems, divorce, dating after divorce, and rebuilding their lives.

You're not alone in this.

Their sex life had slowed down like many long relationships.

Then one day his wife said something he never expected:

She wanted an open marriage.

She said it could make their relationship stronger.

He feels like the ground under his marriage suddenly shifted.

In this episode, I discuss:

• Why open marriage conversations often appear suddenly
• The role of novelty and new attention
• Why agreeing under pressure leads to resentment
• What a man should do when the relationship rules suddenly change

If you’re struggling in a sexless marriage, start with The Dead Bedroom Fix:

https://deadbedroomfix.com

If you want grounded support from men navigating similar situations, check out the Brotherhood:

https://helpformen.com/join

The sex faded after kids.
Intimacy disappeared.
Now his wife says she doesn’t want to be touched at all.

He stayed for their child.
He worked out.
He dressed better.
He read The Dead Bedroom Fix.
He tried to lead.

But nothing changed.

I break down what’s really happening when a marriage goes cold and a man slowly becomes passive without realizing it.

We talk about:

• Why staying “for the kids” often creates long-term damage
• How passivity quietly kills attraction
• The role of mental health in intimacy
• Why you cannot fix a marriage by yourself
• What must happen if there’s any real hope left

If you’re in a sexless marriage or feel like your wife has emotionally checked out, this one will hit home.

If you haven’t read The Dead Bedroom Fix, start there:
https://deadbedroomfix.com

If you need support from men who understand these dynamics and won’t sugarcoat things, check out the Brotherhood:
https://helpformen.com/join

You don’t have unlimited time.
But you do have choices.

But what does it actually mean?

In this video, I break down:
– What patriarchy historically meant
– Where the argument has real merit
– Where it turns into ideology
– Why men are overrepresented in certain fields
– What science says about male and female differences in interests

We’re going to look at biology, psychology, history, and modern data without the emotional noise.

Because if you care about truth more than slogans, this conversation matters.

If you enjoy nuanced conversations about relationships, masculinity, culture, and self-improvement, subscribe and stick around.

No big fights.
No confirmed cheating.
Just slow emotional drift.

Then one day she said:

“I love you… but I’m not in love with you.”

Their marriage isn’t completely dead — but it’s nearly sexless. Rare intimacy. No initiation. No spark.

I break down:

• What that phrase usually really means
• Why sexless marriages often slide into “roommate mode”
• The role of new relationship energy
• Why becoming “safer” makes things worse
• What a man must do if there’s any real chance of rebuilding desire

This is not about blaming women.
It’s about understanding the dynamic clearly.

If you’re in a sexless marriage or feel like your wife is emotionally drifting away, watch this all the way through.

Start with The Dead Bedroom Fix:
https://deadbedroomfix.com

If you need grounded support from men who’ve been through this and won’t let you spiral, join the Brotherhood:
https://helpformen.com/join

You don’t want 20 years of polite indifference.
You want to be chosen.

In this livestream, I sit down with Chris and Lisa from Been There Got Out, two of the most experienced voices I’ve spoken with on high-conflict divorce, legal abuse, and custody battles.

We dig into:

Why “being a good guy” often backfires in family court

How false allegations gain traction (and why men are especially vulnerable)

The biggest mistakes men make when communicating with their ex

Why courts reward cooperation — even when the other side is acting insane

Parallel parenting vs co-parenting (and what NOT to call it in court)

How manipulators weaponize kids, restraining orders, and the legal system

What to do if you’re terrified of custody evaluations or taking the stand

Chris and Lisa don’t deal in theory. They deal with the worst cases — the ones that never “cool off” and never resolve on their own.

If you’re in a contentious divorce, haven’t seen your kids, or feel like the system is stacked against you, this conversation will give you clarity, grounding, and practical direction.

👉 Learn more about Chris and Lisa’s work at https://beentheregotout.com
👉 Join my men’s support community at https://helpformen.com/join

This is one of those conversations every man should hear before things get ugly.

I read a message from a follower whose wife unraveled after the death of her father. What followed was extreme weight loss, heavy drinking, multiple affairs, disappearing for days at a time, and eventually abandoning her family.

I don’t interrupt the story. I read it straight through — then I explain what’s actually going on beneath the surface.

We talk about unresolved childhood trauma, avoidant attachment, high-achievers who outrun their pain, and why some people seem to “change overnight” when their emotional scaffolding collapses.

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t recognize her anymore,” this video will help you understand what you’re seeing — and what it means for you going forward.

I also talk about these dynamics in my book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man, and inside the Help For Men Brotherhood, where men work through this kind of fallout together instead of carrying it alone.

🔗 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
📘 Learn more about REBUILD: https://readrebuild.com

They drift from us…
to the family…
and eventually to two exhausted roommates running a daycare.

Once kids enter the picture, something subtle but dangerous often happens: the couple stops being the center of the relationship. Not out of malice. Not because anyone planned it. It just happens.

And in most marriages, if nobody actively protects the couple, the marriage slowly disintegrates.

From what I see, this responsibility usually falls on the man — and when he pushes for dates, intimacy, boundaries, or adult connection, he’s often shamed for it.

I break down:

• Why marriages predictably shift into “kids first, marriage last”
• Why this creates dead bedrooms and quiet resentment
• Why men get labeled selfish for trying to fix it
• And why a strong marriage actually serves kids better than a child-centered one

If this topic hits home, you’ll want to check out my book The Dead Bedroom Fix and the Help For Men Brotherhood — where guys are having these conversations honestly, without being shamed.

👉 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

I break down the actual historical reality of age gaps, why people now claim they were “rare,” and why that argument doesn’t hold up when you look closely.

We’ll talk about:

• How marriage actually worked for most of history
• Why peasant data gets misused
• Why remarriage matters (and gets ignored)
• The “elite-only” argument — and where it falls apart
• How modern power-based thinking reframed dating and relationships
• And why women’s agency is often defended by quietly taking it away

This isn’t about encouraging or condemning age-gap relationships.

It’s about understanding why something that was once normal is now treated as suspect — and how that shift affects modern men navigating dating and relationships.

If you’re confused by modern dating rules, you’re not broken.
 The rules changed.

I see this confusion every day inside the Help For Men Brotherhood — men trying to make sense of relationships without losing their backbone or their sanity.

If this video resonates, check out my book REBUILD and the Brotherhood at
👉 https://helpformen.com/join

An anxious man.
An avoidant wife.
Years of emotional distance.
One final attempt to “do the healthy thing” and open up…
And then everything collapses.

I break down:

• Why vulnerability isn’t the problem — but timing and containment matter
• How passivity slowly kills attraction in long-term relationships
• The anxious/avoidant dynamic so many men get trapped in
• Why some divorces turn cold, transactional, and threatening overnight
• What men should focus on after the marriage ends instead of chasing closure

If you’re in a dead bedroom, walking on eggshells, or afraid to say the wrong thing in your own marriage, this video will probably feel uncomfortably familiar.

I also talk about how men rebuild after this kind of emotional and financial hit, drawing from my book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man, and why having other men around you — like inside the Help For Men Brotherhood — matters more than most guys want to admit.

You’re not broken.
You’re not alone.
But passivity has a cost — and eventually, it comes due.

It just feels… off.

Not bad enough to force change.
Not good enough to feel proud of.

So they try new routines, new habits, new motivation — and nothing sticks.

I break down why that happens and what actually causes men to stay stuck for years without realizing it. This isn’t about discipline, hustle, or grinding harder. It’s about structure, identity, and the quiet patterns that keep pulling you back to the same place.

If you’ve felt frustrated by starting strong and slowly drifting back, this video will probably hit close to home.

If you want support applying this kind of work in real life — with other men dealing with marriage problems, divorce, rebuilding, and direction — the Help For Men Brotherhood exists for that:
 https://helpformen.com/join

And if you’re in a rebuilding phase after a major life shake-up, my book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man was written specifically for that chapter.

This isn’t about reinventing yourself.
 It’s about choosing a direction you can actually live with.

There’s no cheating.
No screaming fights.
No dramatic collapse.
Just a quiet decision to stop bringing it up.

I break down how a lot of men end up in sexless marriages not because they chose them — but because they slowly became passive. They stopped rocking the boat. They stopped advocating for themselves. They let things happen instead of taking control.

We’ll talk about:

• Why men confuse passivity with patience
• How avoiding conflict slowly erodes self-respect
• Why guilt replaces desire in long-term relationships
• How silence becomes the unspoken agreement
• And why wanting intimacy doesn’t make you selfish

This isn’t about demanding sex or blaming your partner.
 It’s about agency — and what happens when a man quietly gives it up.

If you’ve ever felt like your relationship just drifted into something you didn’t choose, this one will probably hit close to home.

Join the Brotherhood! https://helpformen.com/join

“I did everything right… and it still fell apart.”

I hear this all the time from men who showed up, stayed loyal, worked on themselves, went to therapy, avoided conflict, and tried to be good partners.

And yet the relationship still deteriorated.
The attraction faded.
The resentment crept in.

I explain why “doing everything right” often becomes the problem.

We’ll talk about:

• How being patient, understanding, and accommodating can slowly erase you
• Why avoiding conflict kills attraction and self-respect
• How over-functioning turns good men into manageable men
• Why some men work on themselves and suddenly see the relationship clearly
• And why doing the right thing doesn’t always mean doing the healthy thing

This isn’t about blaming women.
And it’s not about becoming cold or selfish.

It’s about understanding how self-abandonment sneaks into long-term relationships — and why some men outgrow a relationship the moment they stop disappearing.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted, resentful, or confused about how things still went wrong, this one will probably hit close to home.
Join us! https://helpformen.com/join

• They opened up more.
• They communicated better.
• They became more emotionally available.
• They went to therapy.

And somehow, the sex life didn’t come back.
In many cases, it disappeared completely.

In this episode, I explain why that happens — especially when you’re married to a dismissive-avoidant partner.

We’ll talk about:

• Why “more emotional connection” can actually create less attraction
• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles quietly kill desire
• Why many men work on themselves and then realize the relationship itself isn’t healthy
• Why dismissive-avoidant partners often resist getting help
• And why effort and effectiveness are not the same thing in long-term relationships

This isn’t about blaming women.
It’s about understanding dynamics most men were never taught — and why doing everything “right” can still lead to a sexless marriage.

If you’re confused, frustrated, or starting to question your relationship, this conversation will likely hit close to home.

Check out my book! https://deadbedroomfix.com
Join the Brotherhood! https://helpformen.com/join

Those beliefs don’t usually come from careful analysis.
They come from pain.

I break down why these stories feel so convincing — especially for analytical, system-oriented, and neurodivergent men — and why certainty often feels safer than ambiguity after betrayal, dead bedrooms, and relationship failure.

We’ll talk about:

• why men gravitate toward black-and-white explanations
• how hidden-truth and conspiracy-style thinking sneaks into relationship beliefs
• what the data actually says about libido differences
• what long-running surveys show about infidelity
• why “women just lie on surveys” isn’t the argument people think it is
• and why flattening an entire sex into a slogan quietly keeps men stuck

This isn’t about defending women or blaming men.

It’s about understanding how the male brain copes with uncertainty — and why rigid, comforting stories often cost you more than they protect you.

We talk about what really happens to marriages after kids arrive, why men and women slowly disconnect without realizing it, and how good people end up emotionally checked out years before divorce ever happens.

Melissa opens up about her own marriage, why she drifted away emotionally long before it ended, and what she wishes someone had told her when she was younger. We get into attachment styles, masculine and feminine polarity, why accountability is so rare, and why “love” alone doesn’t save a relationship.

We also tackle the uncomfortable topics most people avoid:

• Why attraction fades
• Why fitness and self-respect matter more than people admit 
• Why men and women cheat for very different reasons
• Why second marriages fail so often
• And why many couples quietly become roommates instead of lovers

This is the kind of conversation every couple should hear — especially before things break beyond repair.

If you’re married, divorced, dating, or starting over as a man, this one will hit home.

Join the HFM Brotherhood!

I break down the real, everyday behaviors that point to codependency in men—especially how it shows up in relationships, dead bedrooms, anxious attachment, and emotional burnout.

This isn’t about shaming men.
 It’s about recognizing patterns that quietly destroy attraction, confidence, and self-respect.

If you:

• Walk on eggshells in your relationship
• Feel responsible for your partner’s emotions
• Tie your self-worth to her mood, approval, or sexual interest
• Or feel like you’re slowly disappearing inside your own relationship

This video is for you.

I’ll explain why these behaviors develop, why they feel “right” in the moment, and why they usually lead to less intimacy—not more.

If you want deeper conversations like this with other men who actually get it, check out the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com/join

No touching.
 No sex.
 Years of rejection.

And yet… she was sleeping with someone else.

I break down a real message from a man in a long-term dead bedroom who discovered his dismissive-avoidant wife had been cheating for years. We dig into anxious vs. avoidant attachment, why this dynamic is so common, and why the affair usually has nothing to do with you lacking masculinity, confidence, or sexual value.

If you’ve ever wondered:

• “How could she want sex with him but not me?”
• “What does an avoidant partner actually want?”
• “Why counseling never seems to work with avoidant spouses?”
• “Was I just too needy or anxious?”

…this video will make things click.

We’ll also talk about:

• Why “new” always beats “safe”
• Why anxious partners are usually the only ones willing to do the work
• Why avoidant people struggle in long-term monogamy
• And why this pattern tends to repeat itself again and again

If you’re dealing with a dead bedroom, infidelity, or the anxious–avoidant trap, you’re not alone.

👉 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Private forums, live Zoom calls, all my books, over 1,400 hours of member-only audio, and real conversations with men who’ve been there.

This is the pattern I see over and over in dead bedrooms:

She didn’t lose desire.
She redirected it.

If you're a man dealing with a sexless marriage, emotional disconnect, or a wife who has checked out but won’t leave — this one’s going to hit hard.

Grab my book The Dead Bedroom Fix:
https://deadbedroomfix.com

Join The Brotherhood here:
 https://helpformen.com/join

This video is a tongue-in-cheek “instruction manual” for how to care for the anxious, approval-seeking, reassurance-addicted man. The guy who needs constant validation, panics at every text message pause, reads every word you say like a legal document, and assumes you’re leaving him if you’re quiet for more than 30 seconds.

It’s funny… but it’s also painfully accurate.

The point of this episode isn’t to shame anxious guys. It’s to shine a big bright spotlight on the behaviors that slowly choke the life out of a relationship. And more importantly, to show that these patterns aren’t permanent. You can fix this. You can rebuild your confidence, your identity, and your internal leadership as a man.

If this video hits a little close to home, that’s good. It means you’re ready for change.

📘 Read my book, REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man:
https://readrebuild.com

👥 Join The Brotherhood – live meetings every week, private discussion forums, over 1,300 hours of audio content, coaching, and support from men all around the world:
https://helpformen.com/join

This isn’t weakness. It isn’t you being dramatic.
It’s rejection sensitivity—and most men who grew up in chaotic, unpredictable, or emotionally unstable homes are living with it without ever knowing what it’s called.

In this episode, I'll break down:

— Why some men live relationships on “hard mode”
 — How your childhood wired your brain to scan for danger
 — Why neutral things feel like personal attacks
 — Why you over-apologize, over-explain, and overreact
 — How rejection sensitivity contributes to sexless marriages
 — Why anxious men attract avoidant or narcissistic partners
 — And, most importantly, what you can do to rewire this

If you’re neurodivergent (ADHD, autism, etc.), this is going to make even more sense. RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) is something I see constantly in men in my audience and inside The Brotherhood.

You’re not broken. You’re trained.

 And you can retrain yourself.

If you want deeper work on this, my book REBUILD and our Brotherhood community are powerful tools to help you break out of this pattern and build confidence, boundaries, and emotional stability.

► Get my book REBUILD on Amazon (hardcover, Kindle, or audiobook for members):
 https://a.co/d/e6KBqYE

► Join The Brotherhood – private men’s community, daily Zoom groups, 1,300+ hours of audio, coaching, and more:
 https://helpformen.com/join

In this episode, I talk about why that happens, and why it’s not a sign that you failed. Life isn’t fair… and that includes relationships. I also share a real message from a man dealing with a sexless, disconnected marriage due to his wife’s ADHD and perimenopause, and we unpack what’s really going on beneath the surface.

If this hits close to home, you’re not alone.

 Join The Brotherhood — a private support community for men struggling in marriage, divorce, or dating after divorce.
👉 https://helpformen.com/join

Amazon: https://a.co/d/0k5nxmv
Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/B0G75ZH84Y
Apple: https://apple.co/45eKbNh

But when you dig deeper, the real message is actually something I talk about all the time:

Women shut down sexually when their lives are full of stress, chaos, financial pressure, and mental overload.

This has nothing to do with politics — and everything to do with the realities couples face today.

If you need a deeper dive into this, grab my book The Dead Bedroom Fix — and if you’re ready to actually change your life, join The Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com/join

I see it all the time—guys who crave closeness so much that they choke the relationship. You text too much, talk too much, try too hard to keep things “good.” But that desperate energy ends up pushing her away.

I’ll show you what’s really happening under the surface—why your attachment system freaks out when she pulls away, and how to stop feeding that panic. You’ll learn how to regulate yourself, stop chasing reassurance, and build the kind of calm confidence that actually creates attraction.

If you want more depth, grab my book The Dead Bedroom Fix or check out The Brotherhood, our private men’s community with live meetings, courses, and 1,000+ hours of member-only content:

👉 https://helpformen.com/join
👉 https://deadbedroomfix.com

If you’re rebuilding your life, your identity, or trying to walk the line of integrity after a setback—I promise you: this matters.

We’ll cover:

• Who Andrew Wilson is and what he represents
• The “rulebook” many men in the debate/manosphere space are handed (never date a single mom, don’t be a step-dad)
• The viral meltdown: what triggered it, what it reveals
• And most importantly: the real takeaways for you, the man rebuilding (not just surviving)

My latest book: https://readrebuild.com

🌐The HFM Brotherhood (private group for men only): https://helpformen.com/join

Neediness isn’t about “having needs.” It’s about trying to make one specific person fix your emotional state on demand. That’s not love — that’s panic.

I’ll walk you through what’s actually happening inside your nervous system when you feel desperate for someone’s attention or affection… and how to train yourself to stay calm, confident, and grounded instead.

We’ll cover:

• The difference between connection and control
• How “emotional hunger” tricks you into chasing validation
• The 90-second anti-neediness drill you can do anytime
• Why secure men build multiple emotional pillars
• How to stop confusing gratitude with entitlement
• And why self-respect kills desperation

If this one hits home, grab a copy of my book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man at https://readrebuild.com
, and join our Brotherhood of men doing this work together at https://helpformen.com/join
.

In this video, I respond to a man who discovered that his wife cheated years ago… and now her old lover has confessed everything. What happens when your entire marriage suddenly looks like a lie? What do you do when the woman you trusted most betrays you — and your gut told you the truth all along?

If you’ve been through betrayal or are struggling to move forward, you’re not alone. This video will help you understand:

• Why infidelity destroys your sense of reality
• How shame stops men from trusting their instincts
• What to do when you find out years later
• How to rebuild your self-worth and identity

🔗 Get help:
👉 Join our private men’s community: https://helpformen.com/join

👉 Free course: https://mywifecheated.com

👉 Read my latest book REBUILD: https://readrebuild.com

In this episode, I break down one of the biggest overlooked truths about dead bedrooms. We’ll talk about:

• Why early sexual chemistry predicts long-term compatibility
• Why “good but not great” in your 20s often turns into “nonexistent” in your 30s
• The biological reality of desire, novelty, and Mother Nature’s cruel trick
• What it really means when your wife seems disinterested now but sexual after divorce
• How to avoid this mistake in your next relationship

If this topic hits home, check out The Dead Bedroom Fix at https://deadbedroomfix.com
— and join our private men’s community, The Brotherhood, at https://helpformen.com/join
.

🎧 Get all my books, 1,300+ hours of members-only audio, live Zoom calls, and more.
 Let’s rebuild together.

For a lot of men—especially the more sensitive or anxiously attached ones—this change feels like emotional whiplash. The affection disappears, the intimacy vanishes, and suddenly you feel like a stranger in your own home. I read and discuss a real Reddit post from a man who experienced this after 20 years of marriage... and what his story reveals about millions of couples worldwide.

We’ll talk about:

• Why this shift happens biologically and emotionally
• The reality of “Wife 1.0” vs. “Wife 2.0”
• How men can respond without falling into resentment or despair
• What to do when your wife refuses counseling or intimacy
• How anxious attachment can make this pain even worse
• And why community and brotherhood are vital for recovery

This is a brutally honest but deeply empathetic look at one of the most misunderstood transitions in modern marriage.

👉 Learn more and join our private men’s community: helpformen.com/join

👉 Read related articles on attachment and marriage: helpformen.com

If you’ve ever felt lost or unsure of your next step, this episode is the perfect place to start.

👉 Get your copy of REBUILD at readrebuild.com
or on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FX5RM5YT

If you’ve ever tried to fix someone who didn’t want to be fixed, or confused pity for love, this one’s going to hit home.

Join the Brotherhood! https://helpformen.com/join

In this episode, I respond to a man who wrote in saying he’s still furious at his wife’s affair partner, years after the infidelity ended. We talk about why misplaced anger keeps men stuck, why some “nice guys” absolve their wives of all wrongdoing, and what it really takes to let go and move forward.

We also get into his second question: why his wife, who cheated and moved out, still hasn’t followed through with the divorce. Spoiler — she doesn’t get to decide your future.

If you’ve ever struggled with letting go after betrayal, this one’s for you.
Join the Brotherhood! https://helpformen.com/join

If you’ve ever found yourself trapped in a relationship like this, wondering what’s wrong with you for staying… this one’s going to hit home. I talk about why so many men hang on to something that’s clearly dead, the psychological trap that keeps them stuck, and why the real work isn’t about fixing her — it’s about fixing yourself.

I also share what I told John privately about the importance of therapy, male friendships, and finding a group of men who will call you out and help you rebuild your life.

👉 Join the Brotherhood: helpformen.com/join

👉 Get early access to my upcoming book REBUILD – The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man: helpformen.com/rebuild

In the middle of all this, he admits he lost himself—turning to affairs and even escorting—becoming a man he barely recognizes. Now, with his teenage daughter reaching out about her mother’s abuse, he’s finally facing the truth and taking steps to fight for custody.

This is a raw reminder that living in dysfunction doesn’t make you stronger—it makes you weaker. If you’re in chaos, you need to draw the line before you lose everything, including yourself.

Submit your own story: deardso.com
Join the HFM Brotherhood today!

Submit your own story to Dear DSO.
Join the HFM Brotherhood today!

Submit your own story to Deardso.com
Join The HFM Brotherhood!

The problem? His wife has completely checked out sexually. No intimacy, no affection, not even a kiss on the cheek. Even hormone therapy hasn’t changed anything. He loves her, doesn’t want divorce, but he’s dying inside.

His question: If you’re not a porn star, is this just the life you have to accept?

Turns out, a huge number of men struggling with marriage or divorce also have undiagnosed ADHD. In this video, I break down the real signs of adult ADHD in men—no TikTok self-diagnosing nonsense—and show how it wrecks your relationships, ramps up obsession, fuels hypersexuality, and often overlaps with autism.

I also talk about what you can do without burning your life down or living in a van to find inner peace. Spoiler: you're not broken. But understanding how your brain works might just save your marriage—or your sanity.

👇 If this hit close to home, you’re not alone:

 👥 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

Then when we finally meet?
 “Oh… never mind. We had sex last night. I think we’re good now.”

Let me tell you something, fellas — if a single act of pity sex is enough to make you cancel your plan to fix your marriage… then the marriage was never getting fixed in the first place.

In this video, we’re talking about:

• Why post-conflict sex feels like a miracle cure (but isn’t)
• The illusion of progress vs. real connection
• How men get addicted to “sexual relief” instead of doing the work
• And why you should never cancel your damn coaching session

Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Read the book that started it all: https://deadbedroomfix.com
Get coaching: https://helpformen.com/coaching

That’s rumination — and it’s not helping you heal.

In this video, I explain what rumination really is, why your brain gets stuck there, and how to break out of the loop before it drives you insane. We’ll look at the neuroscience, the psychology, and — most importantly — real ways to stop obsessing and start moving forward.

This is for the guys lying awake at night asking “What did I do wrong?”
This is for the guys who want to get unstuck.

Let’s break the cycle.
🌐The HFM Brotherhood (private group for men only): https://helpformen.com/join

A woman writes in to share her story: 20 years of marriage. Zero sex. She thought he had a medical issue. Turns out, he was sleeping with nearly 100 sex workers behind her back. And now… he wants to reconcile.

In this video, I break down what’s really going on here—from the psychology behind sex addiction and shame, to the heartbreaking reality of codependency and emotional devastation.

This story isn’t just about one woman’s pain. It’s a wake-up call for both men and women trapped in toxic dynamics.

✅ Want to submit your story for a future video?
Go to https://deardso.com

🌐The HFM Brotherhood (private group for men only): https://helpformen.com/join

This is retroactive jealousy. And it’s more common — and more damaging — than most guys realize.

In this episode, I’ll explain the science behind it, how it messes with your head, and what you can do to finally get some peace. This isn’t about shaming you. It’s about helping you understand your own mind — so you can stop sabotaging something good.

🔹 Join the Brotherhood (private support group for men):
https://helpformen.com/join

In this video, I explain why anxious men—like many of you—end up being the focus in therapy sessions... and it’s not because the therapist is against you. It's because you're actually the one most likely to change and grow.

We’ll talk science, psychology, and real-life patterns I’ve seen in hundreds of men who come to Help For Men. I’ll walk you through:

Why anxious men are more likely to do the work

Why avoidant women tend to resist therapy

What the data says about who actually becomes secure

How your own healing can change the relationship—or your entire life

If you're tired of dragging your wife to therapy while getting all the blame, this one's for you.

✅ Join the Brotherhood today: https://helpformen.com/join
✅ Read The Dead Bedroom Fix: https://deadbedroomfix.com

Men are facing a loneliness crisis. We isolate ourselves, chase careers across the country, let friendships die, and pretend we’re fine being “lone wolves.” Then we wake up in our 40s, 50s, and 60s and realize—we’ve built a resume, not a life.

In this video, I break down why so many men end up disconnected, how modern culture pushes us to go it alone, and most importantly—what we can do about it.

If you're tired of the silence and ready to start building real connection again, you're not alone. This is your wake-up call.

👉 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

They were raised to be "good boys," "nice guys," and "respectful partners"... but underneath that, many are dealing with something toxic: sexual shame. It wrecks their confidence. It kills their desire. And it silently poisons their relationships.

In this video, I break down how sexual shame develops in men, how it fuels codependency and dead bedrooms, and what it takes to finally own who you are as a man—without guilt, without apology.

👉 If this hits home, join hundreds of other men doing the work inside the HFM Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

📚 Recommended books mentioned:

• No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
• Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody
• Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw

In this video, I break down what actually happens when men re-enter the dating market after a long-term relationship. I cover the emotional aftermath of divorce, the brutal realities of modern dating apps, what women are looking for now, and how to rebuild yourself into a man who wins in today’s dating world.

This isn’t about cheesy pickup lines or pretending to be something you’re not. This is about becoming the kind of man who attracts quality women—because he’s done the work.

✅ What we’ll cover:

• Why dating today is nothing like it used to be
• The most common mistakes divorced men make
• What modern women are REALLY looking for
• How to flirt, vet, and build real connection again
• How to avoid getting used, scammed, or heartbroken all over again

🎯 Want help becoming the man you were meant to be?
Join the HFM Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Get support from hundreds of men just like you.

That’s the honeymoon stage… and it’s biology.

In this episode, I break down what’s really going on inside your body (and hers) during the early phase of a relationship—dopamine, oxytocin, testosterone, all of it. But more importantly, I explain why it doesn’t last… and what happens after the chemicals fade.

If you’re struggling in a sexless marriage or wondering where the passion went—this will make sense of everything.

📘 Want to fix your dead bedroom?
➡️ https://deadbedroomfix.com
🎥 Watch the free video course:
➡️ https://deadbedroomfixcourse.com

We talk about the mental health toll, the “mom bot” transformation, the impact of meds on libido, and what men in this position can realistically do. You’re not alone.

🔹 Submit your story at: https://deardso.com
🔹 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

She’s tried everything—even picked up The Dead Bedroom Fix hoping for one last Hail Mary. But this story? It’s way too familiar. Men, if you think women don’t deal with this kind of thing too, think again.

Let’s talk about what happens when you realize—after decades—that the person you're with isn't going to change.

💬 Want to send your story? Go to https://deardso.com

In this episode, I walk through his message and break down what’s really going on here: the anxious attachment, the avoidant wife, the therapy cycles that go nowhere, and the desperation that leads men to stay stuck for years. I also bring up a common thread I see in my community: many of these guys are neurodivergent—autistic, ADHD, or OCD—and they bond fast and deep, which makes walking away feel impossible.

If this sounds like your story, you’re not crazy—but you do need help. Watch to the end to hear what this man should do next—and what you can do if you’re stuck too.

🚨 Submit your own question or story at: https://deardso.com
👥 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

No yelling. No drama. Just a calm, matter-of-fact gut punch.

This is what happens when a woman has emotionally and physically checked out — and finally wants you to get the message.
 In today’s Dear DSO submission, I break down why this happens, what it really means, and what your options are when your wife finally says what she’s been feeling for years.

This one hits hard.

🎯 Need support? Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

In this video, I break down the science behind two popular theories about female infidelity: the Mate Switching Hypothesis and the Dual Mating Strategy. One of these is more “romantic.” The other is... well, it’s the one most men fear deep down.

We’ll look at the latest research—including a 2024 study co-authored by Macken Murphy—and how it lines up with what I’ve heard from thousands of men in sexless marriages or reeling from betrayal.

This is hard to hear. But if you want real answers, here they are.

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In today’s Dear DSO, Alejandro writes in with a story that I’ve heard far too many times. A disconnected wife. Years of emotional avoidance. A man trying to fix things alone.

I break it all down—how much responsibility is really on the man… and when it’s okay to say: “I’ve done all I can.”

👇 And if you’re in the same boat? You’re not alone. Check out the Brotherhood at
https://helpformen.com/join

This is brutal. And it’s more common than you think.

In this video, I break down his story, talk about what’s really going on in situations like this, and explain why some women end up choosing comfort over passion... until it all boils over.

If you're a man trying to make sense of your relationship, sex life, or identity as a husband and father… you're not alone.

👇 Here’s how you can get more help:

🔹 Join the Brotherhood – a private support group for men like you: https://helpformen.com/join

We talk about the consequences of ignoring red flags, the fantasy that keeps men trapped, and why your gut instinct is often your best guide.

If you’ve ever thought, “I should’ve known better,” this one’s for you.

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“How do I feel confident when women have all the power?”

“How do I not look needy just by showing interest?”

“Do normal guys really know what they’re doing?”

This one hit hard, and I think a lot of men—especially autistic or ADHD guys—are going to relate.

In this video, I break down where these feelings of shame come from, why experience and repetition are more powerful than any pickup advice, and how to start small and work your way up. This isn't about fake confidence. This is about getting real, falling on your face, and standing back up.

👉 If you want support from other guys going through this same journey, check out the Brotherhood:
https://helpformen.com/join

One day she’s your best friend and lover… the next, she’s distant, irritable, and completely checked out. You think you did something wrong. You didn’t.

In this video, I break down the biological and psychological changes that happen during menopause—how they affect your wife, your relationship, and what you can do about it. This is a wake-up call for every man who wants to stay married in midlife.

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He’s confused, frustrated, and finally waking up after reading The Dead Bedroom Fix.

This is a classic case of mismatched libidos, avoidant behavior, and religious guilt. If you’re in a sexless relationship and wondering, "Is this normal?"—watch this.

✉️ Got a story to share? Submit it at https://deardso.com
🧠 Want help from guys who’ve been there? Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

He thinks he’s the problem.

But here’s the truth: Some relationships are doomed from the beginning. And some men — especially anxious or neurodivergent men — miss every red flag because they’re too busy blaming themselves.

In this Dear DSO episode, I walk through Mr. K’s situation and what it reveals about codependence, attraction, and the importance of walking away when a woman shows you who she is. If you’ve ever wondered, “What did I do wrong?”… this one’s for you.

⚠️ Want to submit your own story? Go to https://deardso.com
🎙 Want real support from real men? Join us: https://helpformen.com/join

You were loyal. Honest. Steady.
 She was chaos.

This happens all the time to autistic men—diagnosed or not. They end up in emotionally volatile relationships with women who may have traits of borderline personality disorder. These women are intense, manipulative, unpredictable… and the autistic man, with his calming and consistent energy, is the perfect target.

In this video, I explain why this dynamic happens, what signs to watch for, and how to protect yourself from getting trapped in a relationship that feels more like emotional warfare than love.

▶️ Need support? Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join

He’s not alone. A lot of men are quietly struggling with this. Kids, careers, medication, depression—it all adds up. And many men are left wondering if they’re crazy for wanting more. You’re not.

In this video, I break down what SSRIs actually do to your sex life, how to approach the conversation with your wife, and when it’s time to either accept the reality… or walk away.

🧠 Talk to men who’ve been there → https://helpformen.com/join

This one hits hard, and it’s a story I hear all the time. If you’ve ever felt like a ghost in your own home… like you’re just the guy who pays the bills and takes out the trash… this video is for you.

I’ll walk you through what I call The Final Talk—a direct, compassionate, no-BS way to confront the situation and take back your self-respect. This is the conversation that could change everything.

If you’re in this boat and don’t know what to do next, join the Brotherhood:
👉 https://helpformen.com/join

In today’s Dear DSO episode, we break down Paul’s situation. He’s stuck in the push-pull dynamic with a woman who’s triggering every anxious bone in his body. I explain why this dynamic is so damn addictive… and what it says about him that he’s still holding on.

If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to “figure her out,” this one’s for you.

👇 Submit your story to be featured:
https://deardso.com

Join The HFM Brotherhood!

I break down what happens long-term when kids get stuck in a toxic home and what (if anything) you, as the healthier parent, can realistically do to help.

If you’re facing similar struggles, you’re not alone — join me and other men like you in the HFM Brotherhood: helpformen.com/join

👉 Submit your own story at deardso.com for a future episode.

We talk about perimenopause, the harsh biological and emotional shifts that happen in long-term marriages, and the hard truth: sometimes, no amount of chore-play will bring back the spark.

👉 Submit your story at deardso.com
Join The HFM Brotherhood!

In this episode of Dear DSO, I respond to a submission from a man who feels like a prisoner to his own sexuality. He’s doing the work, improving his life, but still feels rejected, shamed, and shut out by his wife. Sound familiar?

We’ll dig into the anxious/avoidant dynamic, religious repression, codependency, and the harsh truth that sometimes… they just don’t want you anymore.

I’m not here to shame guys like this — I was this guy. If you relate, you’re not alone. We see this pattern over and over inside the Brotherhood.

🔥 If you're done being the bad guy for having needs — get support: https://www.helpformen.com/join

This one came from Matt — a father of three, married for five years, and totally done having kids… but now he’s worried that the snip might lead to a dead bedroom.

We break down:

• The primal fears behind vasectomy anxiety
• Whether a man’s fertility is linked to attraction
• The truth about women’s desire post-snip
• How stress and resentment play a bigger role than biology
• Why anxious thoughts can sabotage your relationship

If you’re married, done having kids, and wondering if a vasectomy will ruin your sex life… this one’s for you.

👥 Want to talk this out with other guys who’ve been there?
Join our Brotherhood support community: https://www.helpformen.com/join

Is this a classic midlife crisis, or the adventure of a lifetime? Let’s talk about what it means to "lose yourself" in the family machine… and whether it’s ever too late to start over.

👊 Want to share your own story? Submit it at deardso.com and maybe I’ll feature it on a future episode.

👉 If you're a man looking for support, connection, and direction, check out The Brotherhood.

Join The HFM Brotherhood!

In this raw, honest conversation, we explore what it means to sacrifice your needs, the silent damage it does, and how deeply hidden trauma can shape a marriage for decades.

This one’s for the guys out there wondering:
“Is it me?”
“Am I broken?”
“Should I just stay?”
…or finally walk away.

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If you've ever felt like you're living in a constant loop of chaos in your relationship, especially after betrayal, this one will hit home. We unpack anxious attachment, gaslighting, guilt, PTSD, and how military culture compounds all of it.

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Does long-term monogamy even work anymore? Are women really wired for it? Is the “wife and kids” dream still alive for men today?

I unpack all of this and more—including what I’ve learned from helping thousands of men, my interview with Women’s Infidelity author Michelle Langley, and my own personal experiences.

📩 Submit your own story or question at https://DearDSO.com

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We dig into why so many men unknowingly sabotage their relationships, how covert contracts fuel resentment, and what it takes to stop being the “nice guy” and start living a better life. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a marriage with no affection, no sex, and no answers—this is the episode for you.

👉 Want to meet Dr. Glover in person? He’ll be at BroFest 2026 in Louisville, KY! Sign up here: BroFest2026.com

In this livestream, I dive into one of the most frustrating and misunderstood dynamics in long-term monogamy: the trade-off between comfort and sexuality.

Why does it feel like the more secure your relationship becomes, the more the passion disappears?

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Let’s talk aging, sex, emotional reality, and the hard truth most men won’t hear until it’s too late.

👉 If this story resonates with you, join The Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com

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He’s worked on himself, lost 60 lbs, rebuilt his confidence—but his wife won’t join him. No therapy. No gym. No time for herself. And definitely no connection with him as a man.

Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Join The HFM Brotherhood!

This story is not uncommon, and it shines a light on what happens when men sacrifice themselves entirely for the sake of family and end up with nothing when it all falls apart.

In this video, I break down his story and share what men in similar situations can do to rebuild and come back stronger than ever.

👉 Need help rebuilding your life after divorce?
Join the HFM Brotherhood

In this episode of Dear DSO, Ralph (Dad Starting Over) breaks down the emotional chaos, what’s really happening behind the scenes, and what this man — and others in similar situations — need to do next.

🧠 Topics Covered:

Open marriages and polyamory

Betrayal trauma and denial

Emotional manipulation in relationships

What healthy boundaries actually look like

Why men must take back control of their life

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Jake wrote in to share his heartbreaking story of betrayal and confusion after discovering a year-long affair between his wife and their neighbor. They've been together 13 years, have kids, and he’s trying to work through it—but the emotional fallout is brutal.

In this episode, we break down:

Why affairs feel so addictively powerful

Why “forbidden and new” is a dangerous combo

What healing really looks like

The brutal truth about reconciling after infidelity

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From being accused of cheating over a sex toy…
To discovering her partner was visiting massage parlors and hiding condoms…
To finding the strength to walk away for the sake of her child and herself.

This is one woman’s raw account of breaking free, setting boundaries, and learning to trust herself again.

If you’ve ever stayed too long in the wrong relationship, this one’s for you.

Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Topics include:

Why fewer men are choosing marriage

Whether commitment still makes sense in today’s dating landscape

The reality behind sex, status, and the modern mating game

Developing purpose without relying on external validation

How to become a high-value man in today’s world

🔥 Whether you’re divorced, in a dead bedroom, or just lost in the dating world—this episode is for you.

Join The HFM Brotherhood!

In this clip from a Dad Starting Over livestream, I share a common (and surprising) reaction many men hear from their wives when they try to turn their life around physically, emotionally, and sexually. The truth? Some women feel threatened by the changes… especially when those changes mean a man is more confident, more virile, and more sexually energized.

This isn’t anti-woman—it’s a real conversation about the complicated dynamics that come with aging, libido, and relationship expectations.

Whether you’re a man on a journey of self-improvement or a woman trying to understand your partner better, this one’s for you.

👉 Want to join a community of men who are improving themselves and supporting one another?
 Join the Brotherhood today: https://www.helpformen.com/join

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"But is porn really the issue here? Or is it just a symptom of a much bigger problem?"

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No, Jennifer... this was not a good thing.

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What happens when a man gives everything to his marriage—only to discover it was built on lies? A follower emailed me with his devastating story: His wife had a long-term affair...and he discovered that their youngest child was not his. The betrayal, the heartbreak, and the life-altering truth—this is one of the most gut-wrenching stories I’ve ever received. In this video, we break down what happened and what to do when your entire world gets turned upside down.

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But how does a man walk away without guilt?
How much should a man sacrifice before enough is enough?
And at what point does ‘honoring your vows’ mean destroying yourself in the process?

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This one... in painful to listen to.

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We also go into Wordsmith's difficulties with handling the stress of the split and his loneliness. Hang in there, Wordsmith! We're here for you.

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In this clip, we are talking about the age-old topic of "chore play": Men doing things in order to get sex from the wife. Many of us have been there and done that. It doesn't work... not as far as sparking sexual energy in a relationship is concerned. You still do chores around the house because you're an adult and they need to get done, but don't think for a second that it will result in more sex from your spouse. But, with that being said, it sure is the very first thing many women mention when the topic of fixing a dead bedroom comes up. "Perhaps if the man did more around the house!"

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The Dead Bedroom Fix Video Course

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Ralph argues that while some women expect men to propose within six months, a thorough understanding of a partner requires more time. He underscores the importance of observing partners through various life stages over a period of three years for a more reliable assessment of compatibility. By using SEO keywords like "relationship timelines," "biological clock," and "marriage advice," Ralph addresses Paula's concerns regarding family planning, emphasizing the physiological realities women face with age. His insights encourage both men and women to approach marriage with patience and awareness, balancing desires for family life with the authentic knowledge of their partners.

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Steve’s story highlights how quickly life can change when personal growth leads to unforeseen and painful outcomes.

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In this one, Christopher talks about how he has been married three times, engaged once, dealt with his bipolar disorder... and now falling in love again with a much younger single mother of three that lives in his apartment complex. Lots to talk about in this almost hour-long live chat!

Some things discussed:

How much has his bipolar disorder contributed to the chaos in his past relationships?

Does he just not like being alone?

What if he were to tell the new gal that he wants to "pump the brakes" and take 12 months to try and live the life as a truly single guy? How would she respond? What does he feel about that?

Thank you, Christopher for taking the time to chat!

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The episode also addresses dating for men in their 40s, warning against rushing into relationships, especially with women eager to have children. Ralph cautions men to be aware of women focused on finding a provider rather than a romantic partner. He suggests waiting at least three years before moving in or marrying to ensure a proper understanding of the partner's intentions.

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This is a series of clips from our last HFM Brotherhood meeting. We hold several different live meeting Zoom meetings every single week and record all of them for our members to listen back to later. We also have private discussion forums, all my books for free, a members-only podcast, in-person conferences, and more! Join us: https://helpformen.com/join

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Ralph examines the complexity of sexless marriages, focusing on Jack’s situation and suggesting practical solutions. He considers psychological reasons for Jack's wife's lack of interest, like childhood influences and parental marriage dynamics. Ralph recommends open communication between Jack and his wife to determine if they should attempt to reconnect or explore co-parenting separately. The episode provides insights into relationship dynamics and mentions Ralph's professional support services, including his book and private group for men with similar issues.

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He looks at the habits of male relaxation and how society views gender roles. Ralph explains that men tend to separate different parts of their lives, which allows them to enjoy doing nothing or being in a meditative state. This approach can be confusing to women, who often see things as more connected. The episode offers insights for those interested in better understanding and improving communication and relationships between genders.

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Ralph says many men feel they have limited options in relationships due to self-perceived inadequacies like looks, money, or social status. This sense of scarcity leads to heightened emotional reactions to women's behaviors, such as choosing to remain single or being sexually promiscuous. By addressing these reactions, Ralph wants to help men understand that these responses come from their internal fears and insecurities, not from the women's actions.

In the end, Ralph stresses the importance of recognizing personal red flags and spotting potential issues early on. He provides practical advice for men to find compatible partners by matching their social environments with their interests and values. Ralph also critiques the overly progressive view that past promiscuity has no impact on future relationship stability, advocating for a balanced perspective.

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On a wider societal level, Ralph points out the negative influence of pornography on teenagers, stressing the unrealistic standards and fantasies it promotes. He includes stories from social workers and clinicians about how exposure to sexualized content can lead to harmful first sexual experiences for teens. Ralph also mentions his book, Real Talk: No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men, which aims to give practical advice to young men on sexual issues, puberty, and relationships.

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Ralph goes into the mindset of newly divorced men, especially those who are anxious and focused on self-improvement. He highlights the risks and emotional pitfalls of jumping into new intimate encounters too soon. Using various examples and experiences, Ralph discusses common patterns of men quickly falling for new partners and the messy consequences that follow. He notes that even those aiming for only a physical relationship might end up emotionally involved, leading to unintended complications.

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Dunk's situation is complex, as his wife started a relationship with her younger boss, showing narcissistic traits and causing turmoil. Ralph stresses the importance of not engaging with the ex-wife's emotional attempts. He emphasizes that Dunk’s main responsibilities are to his child and his own mental health.

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Thomas talks about his marital problems after a lack of intimacy and an eye-opening experience from reading "The Dead Bedroom Fix." Despite self-improvement efforts, his wife remains emotionally distant and sexually uninterested, suggesting deeper issues. Ralph's analysis encourages Thomas and the audience to consi

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Ralph talks about the need to shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset, particularly in relationships. He explains how negative self-talk and a defeatist attitude keep men trapped in a cycle of negativity and failure. Through relatable stories and direct truths, Ralph points out behaviors that show insecurity and low self-worth, urging men to focus on personal growth and self-improvement instead.

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Ralph delves into the complexities of emotional affairs, the impact of time, familiarity, and parenthood on relationships, and the steps required to rebuild trust and intimacy. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, open communication, and the willingness to confront difficult truths about the relationship. Ralph also discusses the potential necessity of an ultimatum to spur real change and the need for both partners to actively participate in the healing process. He encourages Jay, and listeners in similar situations, to seek professional help and utilize resources that can offer support and guidance.

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In our listener's scenario, his wife suffers from unspecified health issues that inhibit frequent, fulfilling intimacy. Despite this, she enjoys and permits him to "use" her between their infrequent, yet mutually satisfying sessions. This episode centers on understanding the psychological and emotional dynamics at play, including feelings of guilt, consent-based fantasies, and addressing the complexities of orgasm-related insecurity in men. Ralph delves into whether these feelings are rooted in genuine discomfort or societal pressures around sexual satisfaction.

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Jay's story revolves around his wife's OCD, which creates barriers to physical affection, leaving him feeling unattractive and unsatisfied. Ralph dives into the intricacies of living with a partner who has OCD, explaining that OCD falls under the category of neurodivergence, and often comes with other traits from the autism spectrum. Ralph emphasizes that these traits are deeply ingrained and unlikely to change, posing the critical question, "Should Jay stay in this marriage or move on?"

Additionally, Jay's budding feelings for a coworker add another layer of complexity to the situation. Ralph touches on the perils of infidelity and urges deep self-reflection. He advises Jay to evaluate why he stayed in a disconnected relationship for so long to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

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This scenario should sound familiar to many of you!

Click here to join the HFM Brotherhood!

The third edition of The Dead Bedroom Fix is out!
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Click here to join our private group for men only, The HFM Brotherhood!

Join our private group, the HFM Brotherhood!

The DSO Fraternity, our private group for men only, will now be known as The HFM Brotherhood.

WE are looking forward to reach a wider audience and helping more men from around the world!

The DSO Fraternity

The DSO Fraternity

In this very candid conversation, DSO and Coach J talk about what got him into the world of Dad Starting Over, his struggles, and his current extremely stressful life situation with divorce and his ex-wife's alcohol addiction issues.

Thank you, J, for all that you do for us!

Book time with Coach J: https://dadstartingover.com/coaching/jason

Join our DSO Fraternity and get big discounts on coaching and A LOT more: https://dsofraternity.com

Key Takeaways:

• Men often feel forgotten and sidelined in a partnership after children are born, which can spark negative reactions, particularly from women.
• The common critique from women retorts that if men were more involved in childcare and household duties, they wouldn't feel marginalized.
• The host challenges this critique, noting that many men are already significantly involved in domestic roles and responsibilities.
• Discussions highlight the importance of partnership and communication in tackling the changes that come with parenthood.
• The host suggests the need for empathy and understanding, particularly from women, when men express feelings of neglect or the desire for attention.

Key Takeaways:

• Financial and potential emotional infidelity can be grounds for ending a relationship even in the absence of physical cheating.
• Secretive behavior and drastic changes in routine or attitude may be indicative of deeper issues within a partnership.
• It's crucial to prioritize personal safety and well-being in the face of an unstable partner who exhibits rage and potentially harmful behavior.
• Consulting with an attorney can be a proactive step towards understanding one's rights and options in a troubled marriage.
• Addressing one's own reasons for staying in a damaging relationship is as important as dealing with the partner's issues.

Key Takeaways:

• It's crucial to be honest about past relationships without using stigmatizing or dismissive language like "my ex was crazy."
• When speaking about contentious divorces and personality disorders, focus on being transparent about the situation while maintaining integrity.
• The truth of personal experiences is fundamental and should not be compromised for the sake of others' perceptions.
• There is strength in vulnerability and honesty, and it's okay if some people are not comfortable with your past or current situation.
• The judgment of whether to believe one's story ultimately lies with the listener, and it's essential to be okay with that.

Key Takeaways:

• Retroactive jealousy can significantly impact one's perception of relationship dynamics, particularly concerning a partner's sexual history.
• Jealousy in this context may stem from notions of sexual conquest, effort, and reward within human mating rituals, paralleling disparate investment levels towards achieving intimacy.
• A person's past sexual explorations can be both a source of insecurity and growth in current relationships, depending on individual experiences and life stages.
• The emotional struggle with retroactive jealousy is valid and deserves consideration, rather than dismissal as mere insecurity.
• Communication and personal introspection are key when addressing discomfort related to a partner's past encounters and determining the future of the relationship.

The listener, adopting the moniker "Conan the Barbarian," reveals his endeavors in boosting physical fitness and providing romantic gestures, yet finds himself unsatisfied with the sporadic sexual encounters and hand jobs offered by his wife. DSO emphasizes the importance of understanding that attraction and intimacy encompass more than just physical appearance, hinting at possible deeper issues within the marriage. The episode addresses the dangers of communication breakdowns and the impact of emotional rifts on intimacy, urging listeners to explore the complexities lying beneath the surface of marital discord.

Key Takeaways:

• Physical fitness is crucial for self-confidence and attractiveness, but it's not the sole factor in improving intimacy.
• Expressing discontent about intimacy through texts risks coming across as crass or immature, potentially fueling conflict.
• The lack of intimacy can signify deeper issues, including resentment or emotional disconnection within the relationship.
• Overcoming a "dead bedroom" situation requires more than addressing the physical aspects; it involves understanding and attending to both partners' emotional needs.
• Communication is key, but it must be approached sensitively and thoughtfully to avoid causing further harm to the relationship.

DSO, with his blend of straightforward advice and empathetic insight, dissects the complexity behind the listener's concerns, pointing out the multifaceted nature of sexual desire and the psychological impetus driving our expectations. He addresses the delicate balance between increased frequency and the authenticity of sexual encounters within a marriage. Through real-life examples and an understanding of human sexual behaviour, DSO provides a nuanced overview of why, even with positive changes, some men, like Daniel, yearn for a more spontaneous and voracious sexual connection.

Key Takeaways:

• Sexual desire within a marriage can be complicated, affected by changes in life stages, stress, and individual nature.
• Increasing sexual frequency doesn't always equate to satisfaction if the perceived level of genuine desire from the partner is lacking.
• Our biology might be programmed towards 'serial monogamy', seeking newness that inherently comes with a new partner.
• Realistic expectations and communication are essential in understanding and managing the complexities of marital sexual relationships.
• Exploring adventurous and shared sexual experiences may help ignite a stronger sexual connection between partners.

"I started out as a sexually repressed, stay at home mother and wife with chronic anxiety, low self-worth and deep-rooted insecurities in all relationships from working to familial to romantic.

I went on to experience a 'sexual awakening' which took me on a path of self-discovery. I consensually dabbled in play parties and dating while still married to my then husband and we have since transitioned into a co-parenting partnership.

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I have learnt to ask for what I want in relationships, state my boundaries and maintain them and I continue to learn and grow. I'm now in a monogamous 'living together apart' relationship with my partner in what is considered a 'Power Couple' relationship."

Carla and I chatted about one of her favorite subjects to tackle: The Forgotten Father.

Some key takeaways from the episode are:

1. Menopause can significantly decrease a woman's libido, which can create a disparity in desire between partners.
2. The listener's wife's past sexual experiences should not be a factor in their current sexual relationship.
3. Alcohol can sometimes help reduce anxiety and increase desire in postmenopausal women.
4. Open communication and therapy can help address the mismatched libidos in the relationship.

Key Takeaways:

1. Military deployments can cause couples to grow apart, especially if one partner struggles to cope with the challenges of being left behind.
2. Hyperachieving individuals often thrive as entrepreneurs and may struggle in traditional employment settings.
3. Discarding negative influences from your life can lead to significant improvements in mental and physical health, as well as personal and professional success.

Quotes:

• "You're Mr. Winner, and you're looking over your wife saying, 'You going to join me?' And her answer is, 'Nope.'"
• "When you discard negative people from your life, things really start to click for you."
• "You owe it to her to give her a chance to work through this, but if not, it's time to call it quits."

Key Takeaways:

1. Statistically, married people have more sex than single people, but this does not mean that single individuals should rush into marriage for the sake of their sex lives.
2. A significant percentage of married couples are in dead bedroom relationships, where they have infrequent or unsatisfying sex.
3. Marriage serves a societal purpose by providing stability and reducing chaos caused by men who are not having any sexual encounters or relationships.
4. Marriage can be a fulfilling and hypersexual experience for a select few, but for the majority of couples, the reality is different.
5. It is important to assess one's own sex life and personal desires before considering marriage, as it may not be the solution for everyone.

Quotes:

• "The majority of men out there on the prowl looking for a mate in the singles market are not having frequent sexual encounters with women."
• "The majority of marriages are in dead bedroom relationships or, at the very least, undersexed relationships."
• "Marriage serves a purpose. It's good overall for society. It's certainly better for our kids to have a man and woman under one roof."
• "The reality is that marriage is not a hypersexual, awesome thing for the majority of couples."
• "Marriage is not for everyone. It's important to assess your own sex life and personal desires before considering it."

Key Takeaways:

1. Insecurity and anxious behavior can create tension in a relationship and lead to feelings of mistrust.
2. Open communication and setting clear boundaries can help alleviate anxiety and build trust in a relationship.
3. Trusting your partner and having a sense of abundance can help overcome anxiety and fear of infidelity.

Quotes:

• "There's no right or wrong here, dude. Let's be honest."
• "If she does something stupid enough to let me down, that's on her. Then she loses her husband. That sucks to be her."
• "Insecurity and anxious behavior can create tension in a relationship and lead to feelings of mistrust."

The DSO Fraternity

"We specialize in supporting divorcing couples in effectively managing the division of their marital estate. We strive to demystify the complexities involved, ensuring our clients have a crystal-clear understanding of their financial situation. By providing comprehensive insights into the long-term impact of their choices, we empower individuals to make well-informed decisions that will shape their future and that of their family. Our goal is to help each client achieve the most favorable outcome, ensuring their financial security and peace of mind during this challenging time."

DSO emphasizes the importance of understanding the biological and societal factors at play, such as hormonal changes and cultural expectations. He suggests that creating a supportive social circle and seeking outside influences that prioritize maintaining intimacy can be beneficial. DSO also highlights the need for open communication and a willingness to address the issue as a couple.

He cautions against relying solely on time to resolve the issue, as the demands of parenting and life can continue to impact the relationship. Instead, he encourages taking proactive steps to bridge the gap and reconnect as a couple. DSO advises men to assess their own behavior and ensure they are fulfilling their role as a supportive partner and co-parent. He also emphasizes the importance of championing the effort to rebuild intimacy and seeking professional help if necessary.

Key Takeaways:

1. The transition from being a partner to becoming a parent often leads to a shift in priorities and attention, which can leave men feeling neglected.
2. Understanding the biological and societal factors at play can help navigate the challenges of maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship.
3. Building a supportive social circle and seeking outside influences that prioritize maintaining intimacy can be beneficial.
4. Open communication and a proactive approach are essential in addressing the issue and rebuilding intimacy.
5. Taking responsibility for one's own behavior and role as a partner and co-parent is crucial in bridging the gap and reconnecting as a couple.

Quotes:

• "You are basically identifying something that a lot of men, myself included, have seen in relationships with women who become mothers to our children."
• "Guys that I speak to in my own personal family friend circle and guys I speak to in the dad starting over world. They will all say, oh yeah, I went from number one to number like 92 on the list of things that my woman is concerned with."
• "You need your own culture and your own friend group and your own family around you, those people that have shown you over the years, this is how you stay connected to your spouse."
• "You clean up your side of the table, you do everything that you're supposed to be doing. Take a good, hard look at yourself."
• "You and me, we're going to work on this starting now. And you, from what I've seen, need to be the champion of this."

The DSO Fraternity

Key Takeaways:

1. Lack of boundaries and inaction can lead to one partner taking on all household responsibilities.
2. Depression may be a factor in a partner's lack of motivation and contribution.
3. Seeking professional help and setting clear expectations are crucial for resolving these issues.

Quotes:

1. "You have trained this woman to do this stuff. Why? Because she did a little at a time, and you basically, with your inaction said, that's cool."
2. "Depression can manifest or present itself in a lot of different ways. And one of the most common ways is glued to the couch in action, not doing a damn thing."
3. "Put your foot down and say, enough is enough. We're going to get help with this."
4. "You have years of training. You've trained this dog to act a certain way, and suddenly tomorrow you're going to be like, you know all that training I gave you? Pet dog. Well, it's terrible."
5. "Don't just throw in the towel right away. Put in the old effort, the effort that goes beyond just being a yes man and trying to smooth things over and avoid conflict."

The DSO Fraternity

You can ask DSO a question by filling out the form here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso