Books by Dr. Matthew Tsakanikas:

2025 A Catechesis on Deification, Transfiguration & the Luminous Mysteries: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DX1HZMLM/

2026 Meditations on Deification and the Luminous Mysteries: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0GWVYQGPP

Check out our sister podcast:  https://www.youtube.com/@ScriptureForYourInnerOutcasts 

The Resilient Catholics Community is about to reopen for new members in June. If you are a Catholic who wants to overcome the natural level obstacles to sharing deeply in God's divine nature as his beloved little son or beloved little daughter, and are into parts and systems thinking, consider applying to the RCC at www.soulsandhearts.com/rcc.

Online Workshop for those Catholic Formators new to IFS, “Catholic Parts Work in Human Formation” will be on June 10, 2026 from 8:00 PM to 9:30 PM Eastern, register at https://members.soulsandhearts.com/Catholic-parts-work

The Formation for Formators Retreat is August 10-13, 2026 in Bloomington Indiana.  The theme is “Authentic Being and Authentic Relating.” This retreat focuses on you finding and loving you in more of your parts, including parts you have not yet encountered – your exiles – more at www.soulsandhearts.com/FFF  

Conversation Hours with Dr. Peter are every Tuesday and Thursday from 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time on his cell at 317.567.9594 – it’s an opportunity to discuss themes from this podcat or any of the materials generated by Souls and Hearts.  

Key Moments

12:00 What is deification/theosis/divinization?  Being made a son or daughter of God means sharing in God’s nature.  

15:00  Ephesians chapter 1 reveals God’s plan from before the foundation of the world to makes us sons in the Son.  

16:52  Dr. Gerry’s objections to the IFS conceptualization of “Self”

21:01 The image of God within us is dynamic – the “capax Dei” 

21:50  How Adam and Eve lost their interior integration with the Fall and how Jesus opens the way for re-integration.

27:05  Satan to Adam and Eve “Ye shall become like gods….” 

30:30  How do we receive the love of God?  

34:20  The internal battle: “Parts of me are drawn to receive God’s love and parts of me are not…”

41:19 The necessity of entering into a loving relationship with Jesus for interior integration

43:40  God’s wills that you flourish in all domains and in all your parts

48:40  Divinization and the human body

53:00  Divinization is “too hot to handle” for many Christians – but it’s the essential framework for all of the Catholic life, it’s the essential story that holds all the other stories.  

1:02:00 The importance of accepting all of my parts as they are right now.  God accepts all parts as they are, so I need to as well.  Acceptance of a part does not mean endorsing that part’s disordered desires, impulses, and emotions

1:08:35  Sometimes parts find it easier to tolerate being loved by someone other than God at first, and that lesser loves can help parts open up to God’s direct love

1:25:01  Dr. Tsakanikas’ key takeaway:  Love makes the lover want to make the beloved equal to himself,

1:26:28  Dr, Gerry’s takeaway:  It’s important for us to evangelize each of our own parts

1:27:54  Dr. Peter’s takeaway:  Real love is given freely. But in our fallen human states, in our fallen human condition, it's not received without a cost to our parts. 

Fr. Thomas Berg’s books: 

Hurting in the Church: A Way Forward for Wounded Catholics: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hurting-in-the-church-fr-thomas-berg/1124597873

Choosing Forgiveness: Unleash the Power of God's Gracee: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/choosing-forgiveness-fr-thomas-berg/1140395384?ean=9781681926537 

Dr. Andrea Messineo’s book “Alone in Church”: https://www.amazon.com/ALONE-CHURCH-Andrea-Messineo/dp/1732054290

Check out Dr. Messineo’s website at Andreamessineolpcc.com

Dr. Anthony Flood’s books: 

The Root of Friendship: Self-Love and Self-Governance in Aquinas https://www.cuapress.org/9780813226057/the-root-of-friendship/ 

The Metaphysical Foundations of Love: Aquinas on Participation, Unity, and Union: https://www.cuapress.org/9780813234205/the-metaphysical-foundations-of-love/

Dr. Gerry Crete’s book, “Litanies of the Heart”: https://www.amazon.com/Litanies-Heart-Gerry-Ken-Crete-ebook/dp/B0CSKSCMPP?ref_=ast_author_mpb

Elizabeth Galanti’s practice:  https://www.elizabethgalanti.com/

Dr. Monty De La Torre’s recent reflections:  

https://www.soulsandhearts.com/blog/the-metaphysics-of-parts-part-i-the-soul-the-faculties-and-the-senses/

https://www.soulsandhearts.com/blog/intellect-knowledge-judgement-reasoning-and-parts-the-metaphysics-of-parts-part-ii/

Check out our Resilient Catholics Community (RCC) here:  https://www.soulsandhearts.com/rcc

Check out our Formation for Formators (FFF) Community here: https://www.soulsandhearts.com/fff

Key moments

12:28  "What does the Catholic Church have to say about IFS, and is IFS OK for Catholics?" "How can we make sure that our IFS-informed parts work is fully Catholic?”

19:50  Problems with the IFS conceptualization of “Self” and how to modify the idea of the inmost self so that it harmonizes with a Catholic understanding of the human person

23:30  The importance of the IFS Catholic clinician staying true to all Catholic doctrine

25:20   "How can I tell if I'm connecting with a part or a with a demon?  How do we keep our parts work from creating vulnerabilities toward demonic influences?"

35:55  "Why do we say in IFS that there are no bad parts, that all parts are welcome? It certainly seems that some of my parts are urging me to do bad or sinful things, and that I have to resist them."

50:00  "From a parts perspective, how does ordered self-love differ from selfishness?"

59:00  According to St. Thomas Aquinas, there is no part of you that by itself has hegemony over the role of goodness. Each part has a goodness or proper functioning that is nested in the good of the person as a whole. That is why when willing goods to oneself, you must will goods in a way that is respectful of all of you, not just some of you.

1:06:50  "What if I create an endless number of parts? Or, a part, that has a part, that has a part, etc...? "  -- the “infinite regress” of parts

1:21:50 How does the Catholic understanding of conscience related to parts in IFS? 

Check out these other episodes:

https://youtu.be/bw-zUp2h_TA

https://youtu.be/f5MNCaCJLyc

https://youtu.be/Isxmlx8pQAs

Dr. Peter’s advanced group for Catholic formators: Relating Wholeheartedly with God in Prayer, Mondays from 10:00 AM to 11:30 AM Eastern starting on March 9, 2026.  Find out more here:  https://members.soulsandhearts.com/registration

Dr. Gerry’s advanced group for Catholic formators: Surviving, Healing, Thriving, and Flourishing - A Path To Greater Integration  Wednesdays from 10:00 AM to 11:30 AM Eastern, starting on March 11, 2026

Fr. Thomas Berg’s books: 

Hurting in the Church: A Way Forward for Wounded Catholics: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hurting-in-the-church-fr-thomas-berg/1124597873

Choosing Forgiveness: Unleash the Power of God's Grace: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/choosing-forgiveness-fr-thomas-berg/1140395384?ean=9781681926537

Dr. Andrea Messineo’s book, Alone in Church: https://www.amazon.com/ALONE-CHURCH-Andrea-Messineo/dp/1732054290

Check out Dr. Messineo’s website at andreamessineolpcc.com

Key moments:

16:15 What are the relationships among one's innermost self, one's parts, and one's conscience?

21:25  St. Thomas Aquinas’ emphasis on prudence

23:30  How parts with emotions have a role in a well-formed conscience and the innermost self does not have a “localized omniscience.”  

31:30 What are the relationships among parts and the faculties of the intellect and the will?

37:00 Parts are closely connected with impulses and desires, driving agendas

40:00  What about addictions, obsessions, and compulsions?

45:40  Can a person possess a virtue, but parts of that person not have access to that virtue?

56:20  Does the innermost self need any formation from others, or is it complete, as Richard Schwartz maintains?

1:08:00 Causal chains that lead to morally problematic behaviors

1:17:20  What is concupiscence and does it always need to be lodged in a part?

Fr. Thomas Berg’s books: 

Hurting in the Church: A Way Forward for Wounded Catholics: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hurting-in-the-church-fr-thomas-berg/1124597873 

Choosing Forgiveness: Unleash the Power of God's Grace: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/choosing-forgiveness-fr-thomas-berg/1140395384?ean=9781681926537 

Dr. Andrea Messineo’s book “Alone in Church”: https://www.amazon.com/ALONE-CHURCH-Andrea-Messineo/dp/1732054290 Check out Dr. 

Messineo’s website at Andreamessineolpcc.com 

If you want to flourish in loving God, your neighbor, and yourself, with other Catholics in a structured program informed by Internal Family Systems and grounded in a Catholic worldview, check out the Resilient Catholics Community here: https://soulsandhearts.com/rcc and check out our informational video here: https://vimeo.com/1160648485/1d2c052338?fl=ip&fe=ec 

New groups are forming for Catholic formators – counselors, coaches, spiritual directors, priests, and others who individually accompany others in their formation are welcome to join our Formation for Formators community. Details are here: https://soulsandhearts.com/fff 

For the full video experience with all our visuals, gestures, and graphics, and for conversation and sharing in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics 
 
Our new podcast Scripture for Your Inner Outcasts podcast A daily podcast where we bring Jesus' ministry inside, to all parts of us. Just as Jesus reaches out to the outcasts of society, we reach out to your inner outcasts-- the parts of you that feel unworthy or unlovable.  Join us in seeing Scripture through a new lens, coming alive for those parts of you that may have experienced spiritual neglect and need healing. Check out Scripture for Your Inner Outcasts wherever you listen to podcasts.  

Dr. Gerry also provides a glimpse of the writing and publishing process, the challenges and struggles he faced, as well as his moments of inspiration. We discuss a few favorite pages from the book, such as Dr. Gerry’s diagram of the soul and body overlapping in the heart, where all the parts are. 

In this episode, I take you inside the experience of Tina, a 32-year-old Catholic woman with “borderline personality” and introduce you to seven of her parts and how they switch inside her.  These switches involve not only emotions, but all of Tina’s internal experience, so her parts are not merely transient mood states.  We review the IFS understanding of innermost self, exiled parts, manager parts, and firefighter parts.  And then we break down everything that happened in the restaurant in her conflict with her fiancé, Phillip, walking through each DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for BPD and seeing how her parts contributed to the symptom, getting to the “Why” of borderline behaviors.  

In this experiential exercise I invite you and your parts to approach Jesus in the psychological, emotional, relational, and bodily anguish He suffered in His humanity in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Which parts of you might avoid Jesus, turn away from Him in His suffering -- and why?  Here is an opportunity to gently learn more about how our parts react to Jesus and to gently connect with them in understanding and compassion.  

It is so common for Catholics (and others) to reject the love of God, to not let that love in.  Join Dr. Peter for this episode where we explore in depth the eight natural, human formation reasons why we refuse God's love. We also look at what Hell really is and why it really exists.  Through examples, quotes, and an exploration of Dr. Peter's own parts, listen to how this critical, central topic comes alive.  And then Dr. Peter presents the an action plan for accepting and embracing God's love. 

Transcript 

"It's very hard for most of us to tolerate being loved." That's psychiatrist and Harvard professor George Vaillant. The hardest thing about love for many of us Catholics, is to be loved--to tolerate being loved first. We can't love unless we take love in first. We can't generate love out of nothing on our own. We just don't have that power.

And the truth is, many Catholics make sacrifices great and small in their attempts to love others. Many Catholics go to great lengths to try to please God and to love their neighbor--very busy people, most parishes have a few of these always--volunteering, always working, always making things happen, St. Vincent de Paul, soup kitchens, corporal works of mercy, working so hard to live out the Gospel as they understand it, but it's all external. They are very out of touch with their internal lives. Their prayer lives are shallow and sketchy, and they're often really uncomfortable in their own skin. They will not tolerate silence, which is why they're always on the move--why they're always going, going, going.

The vast majority of us Catholics will not tolerate being loved deeply or fully by God. We shy away from receiving that love. We get so uncomfortable, we skirt around the edges of being loved. Or we allow love into us, but only so far--only so far. We set limits, we set boundaries, we won't let God's love permeate all of our being. We let the "acceptable parts" of us to be loved. Those parts that we allow in the shop window, those parts that we believe others will accept, those parts that we believe God likes. But to allow God to love all of you, including your nasty parts, your shameful parts, your disgusting parts, your hidden lepers, your sinful parts, those tax collector parts, those inner prostitutes and blasphemers, your Pharisee parts, the parts of you that are so lost and so isolated and so angry and hateful, those parts? Most of us will say "no way, no way does anyone get to see those parts if I can help it, let alone love those parts. Love those parts? That's crazy." How about your terrified parts, your desperate parts, your wounded, traumatized parts? The ones that no one seems to want? The parts of you that have been rejected by everybody, including yourself.

This podcast is for us Catholics who understand at least intellectually, that we have those parts. And that those parts need to be loved, and that those parts also need to be redeemed. Now for anyone out there who is saying, "Well, I don't think I have any parts like that, Dr. Peter, I don't have any problems being loved." Well, my response to that is one of two possibilities. Either you are 1) a very special person who has been freed from our fallen human condition, and you've achieved an extraordinary degree of perfection in the natural and spiritual realms, and if so, congratulations. You don't need this podcast. You don't need this episode. You are so far above the rest of us--I'm in awe of you. You don't need what I have to offer. That's the first possibility.

Second possibility? You don't know yourself very well. You are out of touch with yourself and your parts--you are disconnected inside. Unless you've reached a fair degree of sanctity, it is especially hard for you to tolerate being loved by God and our refusal to accept the love of God throughout all of us. That's the primary reason we don't love God back. That's also the primary reason we don't love our neighbor, and why we don't love ourselves. We won't be loved first.

God loved us first. It all starts with God's love, not our love. Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow in his book, 'Shaken' says, "We were created by love, in love and for love." And St. Paul, he tells us in Romans 5:8, "God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God loved us first.

And the world does not know God. Christianity is the way to discover who God actually is--to discover who love actually is. 1 John 3:1, "See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him." What I want you to remember, St. John in his first letter says, "We love because he first loved us." We love because God first loved us, and it's up to us to take that love in, to let that love come into every corner of our being. And that doesn't sound easy, and it's not as easy as it sounds.

I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, a.k.a. Dr. Peter, clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, podcaster, blogger, cofounder and president of Souls and Hearts--but most of all, I am a beloved little son of God, a passionate Catholic who wants to help you experience the height and depth and breadth and warmth and the light of the love of God, especially God, the Father and our primary mother, Mary. What I want for you more than anything else is that you enter into a deep, intimate, personal, loving relationship with the three persons of the Trinity and with our Lady. This is what this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast is all about. This is what Souls and Hearts is all about--all about shoring up the natural foundation for the spiritual life of intimacy with God, all about overcoming the natural human formation, deficits and obstacles to contemplative union with God our Father, and with our Lady, our Mother.

We are on an adventure of love together. Episode 94 of this podcast focused on the primacy of love in the Catholic life. Episode 95 focused on trauma's devastating impact on our capacity to love. Episode 96 discussed how trauma hardens us against being loved. Episode 97 discussed how trauma predisposes us to self-hatred and indifference to ourselves, a refusal to love ourselves. And Episode 98. the last episode was all about ordered self-love, how we need to love ourselves in an ordered way in order to love God and neighbor, to carry out the two great commandments.

Today, we are going to take a step back. We're going to look at the most critical prerequisite for loving God and others. We are going to discuss being loved first, accepting the love of God first before we try to love. This is absolutely essential. The most critical mistake that most Catholics make is to refuse the love of God. Let me say that again. The most critical mistake, the most devastating, catastrophic mistake that most Catholics make is to refuse to allow God's love to transform us entirely, to make us into new men and women.

Let's start out with the order of love. First thing--God leads with love. God makes the first move. He created us, he moves toward us. We who he created, we who have fallen from grace because of original sin. We don't make the first move. God does. He loved us first, and he continues to love us first, and our whole mission, our whole purpose is to respond to his love in love.

I want to read to you a brief passage from Shawn Mitchell. He wrote an article called 'We Love Because He First Loved Us', and he is with Those Catholic Men. You can find this online. Shawn Mitchell says, "We love because he first loved us. These words from the first letter of John beautifully and s...

IIC 98 Self Love -- What Catholics Need to Know

Today we are talking about self-love: the love of self. There is so much controversy, so much confusion about self-love among Catholics. Is self-love good and holy, or is self-love bad and dangerous? Is self-love necessary for loving others? Is self-love unavoidable? The answers from Catholic writers and thinkers and saints are all over the board with regard to self-love, with so many apparent contradictions that it can make your head spin. And the positions from different reputable Christian sources are extreme; their positions seem irreconcilable.

Here is just a sampling: St. Augustine said, "there can be only two basic loves...the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self or the love of self unto the forgetfulness and denial of God." St. Maximus the Confessor, "Flee from self-love, the mother of malice..." Thomas A Kempis, in the 'Imitation of Christ', "Know that self-love does you more harm than anything else in the world." Father Jean Nicholas Grou, Jesuit priest, "Self-love is the one source of all the illusions of the spiritual life. By its means, the devil exercises his deceits, leads souls astray, drags them sometimes to hell by the very road that seems to lead them to heaven." St. Thomas Aquinas says, "Inordinate self-love is the cause of every sin". And here's from Pope Francis from December 9th, 2015, "The movements of self-love, which make mercy foreign in the world, are so numerous that we often fail to recognize them as limitations and as sin." 'The Catechism of the Catholic Church', paragraph 1850, "...sin is thus 'love of oneself, even to contempt of God'". And St. Paul in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, said this, "But understand this that in the last days there will come times of stress. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, fierce, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding the form of religion but denying the power of it. Avoid such people."

Lovers of self. Now we also hear from St Thomas Aquinas that, "Self-love is in one way common to all, in another way proper to good men, in another, proper to evil men." Father, Jacques Philippe, in his book 'Called To Life', with his pastoral approach, says, "Love of God, love of neighbor and love of self grow together and sustain one another as they grow. If one is absent or neglected, the others will suffer. Like the legs of a tripod, all three are needed in order to stand, and each leans on the other." He also says, "Love travels along two paths that are inseparable in the end: love of God and love of neighbor. But as this text suggests, there is another aspect of charity--love of one's self. ("You shall love your neighbor as yourself"). This self-love is good and necessary. Not egoism that refers everything to "me", but the grace to live in peace with oneself, consent to be what one is, with one's talents and limitations." And the Bishop of Sioux Falls, Donald Edward DeGrood, said this, "We are called to love ourselves as God made us and loves us. It is sometimes difficult to know our inherent dignity, to receive God's love and live out of the truth of who we are. And just as God loves us and indeed rejoices and delights in us, so too are we call to rejoice and delight in who we are and who others are." And Catholic moral theologian, Michel Therrien, in a December 3, 2020 article in Denver Catholic said, "...the proper love of self is the foundation for knowing how to treat others."

Alright, so you might be asking me, "Dr. Peter, Which is it? Are we supposed to be loving ourselves or not loving ourselves?" Laura, an Australian Catholic writer, in her blogpost, 'Self-Love for Catholics: What is the Catholic teaching on loving yourself' says this, "Depending on who you ask, the idea of self-love can get some very different reactions. Even the Bible seems a little confused. On the one hand, Jesus calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves. On the other hand, St. Paul condemns those who are 'lovers of self'. I won't like to bag out the Bible but mixed messages much? There is no section in the catechism on self-love. There is no treatise entitled 'Loving Thyself' by St. Bernard or 'The Internal Positive Dialogues" of St. Catherine of Siena. There definitely aren't any ancient meditations on "How Awesome a Monk Am I Today!", or "Eighty Affirmations for the Doubting Deacon" from the Patristic Era. And if I'm honest, this is super frustrating. Maybe you found the same?"

Well, Laura, thank you for bringing this up. I find this whole body of Catholic literature on self-love both fascinating and frustrating at the same time and also so very important. We really need to sort this out because the stakes are so high. So rather than curse the darkness, here is my attempt to light a candle for you, to illuminate the best that I've found on this essential theme: Self-Love.

I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic. And this is Interior Integration for Catholics. The Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast is all about bringing you the best of psychology and human formation and harmonizing it with the perennial truths of our Catholic faith. Each month we take the most important human formation issues head on. We don't shy away from the tough topics, and today we have a tough topic. How do we rightly understand self-love? What is self-love and how should we as Catholics understand it, given this whirlwind of confusion and controversy that has stretched back for centuries? This is episode 98, titled 'Self-Love--What Catholics Need to Know', and it's released on October 3, 2022.

We have been working through a series on trauma and wellbeing--we started that with episode 88. In the last episode, episode 97 titled: 'Unlove of Self: How Trauma Predisposes You to Self-Hatred and Indifference', we looked at the impact of trauma and how it contributes to us not loving ourselves.

Today, we're switching gears. We're looking at what it means to be in an ordered relationship with ourselves. Is self-love a part of right relating with ourselves? We are going to bring so much clarity to this topic today.

It is so good to be with you, thank you for listening in, thank you for being together with me once again. I'm glad you're here and I'm glad that together we're exploring what self-love really means.

Now, I want to do a little introduction here to this topic. About 20 years ago, a theologian friend of mine was encouraging me to get out more. I was pretty sheltered, I was in private practice. I wasn't doing any public speaking, but he was really impressed with some of the things that we were talking about in our conversations. At the time, I was sorting out the psychology thing, too. I was really trying to figure out how to practice as a psychologist and ground that practice of psychology in a Catholic understanding of the human person. I had a keen sense that after I die, on my day of particular judgment I will be responsible before the Lord for every word that I uttered to every client, for everything I taught or said or advised, and I was worried. I didn't want to lead anyone astray. I didn't want to lead my clients astray. And I knew that I was speculating, bec...

IIC 97 Unlove of Self

"Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth lie

dust unto dust

The calm, sweet earth that mothers all who die

As all men must;

Mourn not your captive comrades who must dwell

Too strong to strive

Within each steel-bound coffin of a cell,

Buried alive;

But rather mourn the apathetic throng

The cowed and the meek

Who see the world's great anguish and its wrong

And dare not speak!"

--Ralph Chaplain, Bars and Shadows

I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic. This is the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast coming to you from the Souls and Hearts studio in Indianapolis, Indiana. This podcast is all about bringing you the best of psychology in human formation and harmonizing it with the perennial truths of our Catholic faith. In this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, we take the most important human formation issues head on, without trepidation, without hesitation. We don't mince words. We directly address the most important concerns in the natural realm, the absolute central issues that we need to take on with all our energy and all our resources.

We have been working through a series on trauma and wellbeing. It started in Episode 88, and in the last episode, Episode 96, that one was called 'I Am a Rock How Trauma Hardens Us Against Being Loved', and that episode we discuss the impact of trauma on how we accept love from others, including God. In this episode, we're now going to address how trauma sets us up to refuse to love ourselves.

Welcome to episode 97 of Interior Integration for Catholics titled 'Unlove of Self: How Trauma Predisposes You to Self Hatred and Indifference'. It's released on September 5th, 2022. It is so good to be with you. Thank you for listening in and for being together with me once again. I am glad we are here and that we're exploring the great unlove of self.

The great unlove of self. Sort of like the uncola ads from 7-UP in the late 60s through the 70s, the 80s, even into the late 90s. Unlove of self. What do I mean by that? You might tell me that if I don't love myself, then I'm hating myself. All right, let's go with that. Let's explore self-hatred and self-loathing. Self-hatred. What is self-hatred? Self-hatred is hatred that's directed towards one's self rather than towards others. And there is an article titled 'Self-Loathing' by Jodi Clark. She's a licensed professional counselor at verywellmind.com where she says, 'Self-loathing or self-hatred is extreme criticism of one's self. It may feel as though nothing you do is good enough or that you are unworthy or undeserving of good things in life. Self-hate can feel like having a person following you around all day, every day, criticizing you and pointing out every flaw or shaming you for every mistake". Self-hatred, right? This is a critical thing.

Brennan Manning said, "In my experience, self-hatred is the dominant malaise, crippling Christians and stifling their growth in the Holy Spirit". Now, I'm not sure I agree with that. It depends on your definition of self-hatred. I'm more focused on shame and the fear of shame overwhelming the self. Those are such drivers of self-hatred. And you can see that in that in that definition that we just had from Jodi Clark, right. Undeserving of good things in life: criticizing you, pointing out every flaw, shaming you for every mistake. Shame, shame, shame. And Angel Plotner, the author of 'Who Am I?', Dissociative Identity Disorder survivor says, "Shame plays a huge part in why you hate who you are". Shame is so central. I'm going to invite you. I did a whole 13-episode series on shame episodes 37 to 49 of this podcast all about shame and trauma. So, so good to check that out if you haven't done it already.

Eric Hoffer said, "It is not the love of self, but the hatred of self, which is at the root of the troubles that afflict our world". And Basil Maturin says, "We never get to love by hate, least of all by self-hatred". So this whole topic of self-hatred, so important, so common, even when people don't realize it. Even when people don't realize it because so much self-hatred is unconscious. Laurie Diskin says "We cannot hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love". Self-hatred gets us nowhere. Self-hatred brings us to a grinding halt in human development and in spiritual development.

So let's talk about this. What do we mean when we're talking about self-hatred? The primary way that you hate yourself is for a part of you to hate another part of you. I'm talking about intra-psychic hatred. Hatred within you, for you, by you. This is self-hatred.

So I'm going to bring in an internal family system description of parts. Internal Family Systems is an approach to psychotherapy, and it holds that we are both a unity and a multiplicity. And in that multiplicity, we have parts. And parts are like separate, independently operating little personalities within us. Each part has its own unique, prominent needs, its own role in your life, its own emotions, body sensations, guiding beliefs, assumptions. Each part has its own typical thoughts, intentions, desires, attitudes, impulses, its own interpersonal style, its own worldview. Each part of you has a different attitude or position toward other parts of you, and each part of you has different beliefs and assumptions about your body. Robert Falconer calls these parts, "insiders". If you want to learn a lot more about Internal Family Systems, check out episode 71 of this podcast titled 'A New and Better Way of Understanding Myself and Others'. Parts are, in a nutshell, kind of like those little figures in the movie Inside Out. Remember anger and sadness and joy. They're these little personalities, like I said, within us. And every one of your parts has a very narrow and limited vision when that part is not in right relationship with your innermost self. Each of your parts usually has a strong agenda, something that they're trying to accomplish; some good that the part is seeking for you. And what happens when parts are not in right relationship with the self--if they're not working in a collaborative and cooperative way with your innermost self, is that they wind up polarizing with other parts. They wind up getting locked into conflict with other parts. And I gave some examples of polarization among parts in my most recent weekly reflection. That one was titled 'The Counterfeits of Self Giving', and that was published, that was sent out on August 31st, 2022. You can check that out at soulsandhearts.com/blog if you want to take a look at that and it discusses how parts get polarized around the idea of giving of self. And I talked about how a compliant surrenderer part can polarize with a feisty protector part within oneself. Or how a self-sacrificer part can polarize with a rebel part. So, I'm going to invite you to check that out, soulsandhearts.com/blog, go back to August 31st, 2022.

Now Bessel van der Kolk, in his excellent book 'The Body Keeps the Score', devotes all of chapter 17 to Internal Family Systems....

1. Summary:  Real love (agape) is given freely -- but it is not received freely in our fallen human condition.  Join me in this episode as we discuss the costs of opening our hearts to love\and the price of being loved fully, of being loved completely, in all of our parts.  We review why so many people refuse to be loved -- and we examine the psychological and human formation reasons for turning away from love.  Finally we discuss what we can do to get over our natural-level impediments to receiving love.  
2. Lead-in  
   1. I am a rock I am an island

I've built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need of friendship -- friendship causes pain

It's laughter and it's loving I disdain

I am a rock I am an island

1. I am a rock -- Paul Simon wrote it in 1965 and Simon and Garfunkel  Released it as a single in 1966, and it rose to #3 on the charts -- why because it resonated with people.  It was popular because it spoke out loud what many people's parts feel.   The desire to become a rock, the impulse to build the walls, to keep everyone out, to repudiate love and laughter, to not need anything or anyone.  
2.  Kate McGahan -- untitled poem 

I don't need anyone, I said.

Then you came

I need I need! 

I NEED YOU. 

I needed you.

What did you teach me?

Not to need you.

NOT TO NEED. -

1. I don't want to be in love, anymore. I just want to be left alone. And no, I am not depressed or something. No suicide is happening here... I am fine. Trust me. Sharmajiassamwale
2. So you want love.  But you also don't want love.  But you want love.  But you don't.  You do.  You don't.  You're conflicted.  How do you understand this conflict within you?  Can you and I understand this push-pull, this attraction - avoidance, this Yes and No within us more clearly.  Yes we can.  And we must.  Or we will wind up always skating along the edge of love, never really entering in.  And there are consequences for that -- and no one put it more succinctly than the English poet and playwright Robert Browning, who said: “Without love, our earth is a tomb”  
3. Intro
    
   1. We do want to be loved, but we don't.  Why?  Because we want the benefits of love, but we don't want the costs
4.  
   1. The Benefits
       
      1. To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.  David Viscott
   2.  
      1. If you don't have that memory of being loved, you are condemned to search the world for something to fill you up. -- Michael Jackson
5. 
   
   1. The costs.  
      1. Real love is given freely, but it is not received freely in this fallen world.  
         1. Almost no one talks about the costs of being loved.  I find that so strange.  People don't think this way. 
         2. There are costs to receiving love, to accepting love, to allowing love in to our hearts.  
         3. It's painful to be loved in this fallen world.  
            1. this is not well understood by many people, especially those who are not in touch with trauma, or who haven't suffered as much as others 
               1. Bernard Brady's 2003 book "Christian Love: How Christians Through the Ages have Understood Love 
                  1. Second sentence of the book, in the preface:  "Loving seems entirely natural and being loved seems wonderfully good."
                  2. Not to many people
                  3. RCC member -- so glad you can discuss tolerating being loved.  

1. Real love -- Agape -- burns away things that are sinful within us -- it doesn't coexist with the vice within us.
    
   1. Bernard Brady: Christian Love, p. 16:  "…love transforms those who love and those who are loved."  
2. 
   
   1. Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven't loved enough.”   ― Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love
3. Change is scary
    
   1. “Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.”― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment 
4. 
   

1. Real love also purifies us from anything that is not morally wrote, but that is disordered or dysfunctional or imperfect
2. Real love is the greatest good.  And because it's the greatest good, it requires us to give up lesser goods.  Perceived good and actual goods.  
   1. Coping strategies, crutches that helped us in the past
   2. Analogy of the safe -- limited room, silver and gold. 
3. Vulnerability
4. I will lose what I have
5. I will lose to possibility of being loved in the future
6. I don't want to find out I am unlovable.  I can't bear that.   
7. Because for love to be real, for love to be agape means me allowing you to love all of me.  All my parts.  My entire being
    
   1. Not just the acceptable parts of me in the shop window, those that I allow others to see.  
8. 
   
9. The greatness of the adventure of loving can be intimidating
    
   1. Love, in some sense, is nothing other than an invitation to great joy and suffering, so they shy away from it.  Paul Catalanotto Refusal to love is also refusal to live  The Catholic Weekly
10.  
    1. Dietrich von Hildrebrand those who "wish to linger with small joys in the state of harmless happiness … in which they feel themselves to be master of the situation … lacking any element of surprise or adventure.
11.  
12. Let's go on this adventure of being loved and loving together.  I want you to come with me into the themes of this podcast.  I want you to really engage with what I'm presenting to you.  Not just listen like the Athenians listened to Paul about the resurrection of the dead.  Acts 17:32: Now when they heard of the resurrection of the dead, some mocked; but others said, “We will hear you again about this.”  But they weren't really that interested.  Only a few of the Athenians joined him.  Stay with me in this Episode 96 of Interior Integration for Catholics, released on August 1, 2022, and titled "I Am a Rock: How Trauma Hardens us Against Being Loved" I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic and I am very pleased that we can share and engage with this information.
     
    1. Why do I think being loved is so important?   First because receiving love is absolutely essential.  It is our starting point in the spiritual life.  And second, because most people will not realxly allow themselves to be loved. Psychiatrist and Harvard Professor George Valliant wrote:  It's very hard, for most of us to tolerate being loved.-- That's been my experience as well.  The vast majority of people have chosen to severely limit how much love they will let in, how much love they will tolerate.  
13. 
    
    1. You can't love unless you are willing to be loved.  
       1. 1 John 4:19:  We love because he first loved us  Look at the order here.  God loved us first.  We can't generate any love on our own.  We can reflect love, we can channel love, but we can't create love out of nothing like God can.  We have to cooperate in love and be open to love in order to love, in order to follow the two great com...

1. Going to address love in general -- focusing on loving
    
   1. In future episodes, will review
       
      1. Tolerating being loved
          
         1. Brady quxote
      2.  
   2. 
      
      1. Ordered self-love
   3.  
2. 
   
3. The experience of trauma screws up our loves -- where we go to find good.  It screws up where we are seeking, how we seek to be loved and how we seek to love.  
   1. St. Augustine:  
      1. He lives in justice and sanctity who is an unprejudiced assessor of the intrinsic value of things.  He is a man who has an ordinate love: he neither loves what should not be loved nor fails to love what should be loved. On Christina Doctrine, I, 27
      2. We need ordered love.  Why -- Bernard Brady put it -- Because we become like what we love.  Whatever we embrace in our love, we become like that person or that thing.  
      3. As Augustine considered the dissipation of this youth, he wrote "I loved beautiful things of a lower order, and I was going down to the depths."   Confessions.  
   2. So much of the problem with disordered love  comes from misdirected seeking to get your attachment needs meet.  That's the problem. 
      1. We have legitimate attachment needs  Trauma strips away our sense of 
         1. A felt sense of Safety and security
         2. Feeling seen, heard, known and understood
         3. Feeling comforted, soothed, reassured
         4. Feeling cherished, treasured, delighted in
         5. Feel the other person wills my highest good.  
         6. All from Brown and Elliott 2016, Attachment disturbances in Adults
   3. Where do we find our safety and security?  In both the natural and spiritual realms, we find it in attachment security needs being met.
       
      1. Five primary attachment security needs (Brown and Elliott)
          
         1. A felt sense of safety and protection, a deep sense of security, felt in my bones
             
            1. It makes it so much easier to love when we feel safe and secure.   
         2. 
            
            1. "People want to be safe, and comfortable. If safety and comfort is to be found in guns, then they will take up guns—of their own accord, in their own need. And when safety and comfort are found in libraries, then the guns rust.“ — Algis Budrys American writer  Source: Some Will Not Die (1961), Chapter 6 (p. 122)
         3.  
      2. 
         
         1. Feeling seen, heard, known, and understood
      3.  
   4. 
      

I want, by understanding myself, to understand others.“ — Katherine Mansfield New Zealand author 1888 - 1923

1. Being comforted, soothed, and reassured
2. Feeling valued, cherished, treasured, delighted in
    
   1. You are my sunshine published by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell on January 30, 1940
3.  

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You ...

1. Polyvagal theory was developed by Stephen xPorges -- Ph.D. in psychology over the last 20 years -- writes in an academic way.  
2. Relying heavily on the work of Deb Dana Licensed Clinical Social worker and a great writer and speaker - translates him so well
    
   1. Polyvagal exercises for Safety and connection -- introduction and first three chapters
3.  
   1. Polyvagal Theory and Trauma – Deb Dana  Nearly 2 hours, on YouTube
4.  
5. Deb asks this question:  What would it be like for you if your body could help you feel safe and secure, much more protected  when you start feeling scared?
6. Fundamental discovery:  Our nervous system is shaped by early experience and reshaped by ongoing experience -- there is connection between our nervous system and our experience.  
   1. Formation of connections and associations
   2. Reshaping -- changing the way our bodies respond to stress -- breaking the old patterns, fashioning new patterns deliberately
   3. Change is gradual
       
      1. Fleeting moments of peace --> more consistent sense of well-being, more resilience in the face of challenges, perceived threats, stress.  
   4. 
      
   5. Very much at a body level -- not ...

― Justin Ordoñez

1. “My current life, I realized, was constructed around an absence; for all its richness I still felt as if the floors might give way, as if its core were only a covering of leaves, and I would slip through, falling endlessly, never to get my footing.” ― Esi Edugyan, Washington Black
2. “I wish I’d fallen softly. Light and graceful like a feather drifting slowly to the earth on a warm and dreamy summer’s day. I wish that I’d landed softly too. But there is nothing soft or graceful about that devastating moment when the worst has come to pass. The unavoidable truth is that it is hard, cold and brutal. All that you know to be true and good in life shatters in an instant. You feel like a delicate pottery bowl violently tossed from your place of rest, watching yourself crash and scatter across the hostile dark earth. The sound is deafening. Time stops. Inside, the quiet ache of shock and heartbreak slowly makes its grip known. They cut deep, these jagged edges of broken sherds. You gasp for air hungrily, yet somehow forget how to breathe.”― Jodi Sky Rogers
3. Introduction
    
   1. We are born into a not only a fallen world, but a traumatized world
4.  
   1. We not only share in a fallen human condition, but a traumatized condition.  
      1. “No matter what kind of childhood we’ve had, nobody escapes trauma while growing up.”― Kenny Weiss
      2. The Fall goes way back, before the world was even created, to the fall of the Lucifer, the light-bearer, the morning star and his angels -- and then the fallenness entered our world through original sin, the sin of Adam and Eve, and these are the original traumas, the fall of the angels and original sin.  
5. 
   
   1. You and I are together in the adventure of this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am thankful to be with you.
6.  
   1. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. 
   2. This podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com.  
   3. Trauma.  We are just beginning a whole series of episodes on trauma.  You’ve been asking for this -- so many requests for us to address trauma head on.  It's such a tough topic and such an important topic, and we are taking on the tough and important topics that matter to you.
   4. Really important to understand the inner experience of trauma -- so you can recognize it in your own life and recognize it an empathetic and attuned way in others' loves.  Part of loving them.  
   5. Today, we're going to get an overview of the best of the secular understandings of trauma.  
      1. So much has changed since I entered graduate school in 1993 -- back then there was one seminal text on trauma, Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery.  Now, especially in the last 10-15 years, there has been an upsurge of new, fresh and much better ways of understanding trauma.  
   6. Outline
       
      1. Impact of Trauma
   7.  
      1. Definitions of terms
          
         1. Definition of  trauma
      2.  
         1. Definition of Attachment injury
      3.  
         1. Definition of relational hurt
      4.  
         1. Definition of adverse experience. 
      5. 
         
   8. 
      
      1. Categories of Trauma 
   9. 
      
      1. Recognizing Trauma from the Reactions, signs and symptoms.  
   10. 
       
       1. Discuss commonly accepted effects of trauma
   11.  
       1. Go over the traumatic effects of what didn't happen, what was missing
   12.  
       1. Experiential exercise to help you identify areas of your internal experience that are impacted by trauma
   13.  
7. Impact of Trauma
    
   1. From the North Dakota Department of Human Services Fact Sheet
8.  

• People who have experienced trauma are:

◉ 15 times more likely to attempt suicide

◉ 4 times more likely to abuse alcohol

◉ 4 times more likely to develop a sexually transmitted disease 

◉ 4 times more likely to inject drugs

◉ 3 times more likely to use antidepressant medication

◉ 3 times more likely to be absent from work

◉ 3 times more likely to experience depression

◉ 3 times more likely to have serious job problems

◉ 2.5 times more likely to smoke

◉ 2 times more likely to develop chronic obstructive pulmonary 

disease (COPD)

◉ 2 times more likely to have serious financial problems

1. 16-minute TED MED talk from How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris  September 2014
2. Definitions of Trauma
    
   1. Lots of confusion
3.  
   1. Briere & Scott (2006) Principles of Trauma Therapy: people use the term trauma to refer to
       
      1.  either a traumatic experience or event
   2.  
      1. the resulting injury or stress, 
   3. 
      
      1. or the longer-term impacts and consequences 
   4. 
      
4. 
   
   1. American Psychological Association Website: Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.
       
      1. Problem in emphasizing the emotional aspects. It's much more than that
   2.  
      1. Misses the overwhelming aspect.  
   3. 
      
      1. Does get the "response" part right.  
   4. 
      
5. 
   
   1. Integrated Listening Systems website:  Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel a full range of emotions and experiences.
6.  
   1. DSM-5  PTSD, Acute Stress Disorder.  Not going to address those here, not worth the time.
       
      1. Highly criticized by many professionals for being very limited and behind the curve, not recognizing the nuances and categories of trauma responses.  
   2. 
      
7. 
   
8. Attachment Injury 
   1. Definition: Dr. Sue John...

--  Quoted in Albert Barbaste, “Scrupulosity and the Present Data of Psychiatry,” Theology

Digest, 1.3 (Autumn 1953) 182.

1. Fr. William Doyle: Around 1900  “My confessions were bad. My confessor does not understand me, he is mistaken in me, not believing that I could be so wicked. I have never had contrition. I am constantly committing sins against faith, against purity. I blaspheme interiorly. I rashly judge, even priests. The oftener I receive Holy Communion, the worse I become,”  Around 1900
2. My story just turned 19 -- terrible bout of scrupulosity.  
   1. Around sexuality
   2. Just started dating the first woman I might consider marrying
   3. Physical touching -- romantic contact How far was too far?
       
      1. Thoughts of sex with her -- plagued me.  
   4. 
      
      1. Do I break up with her?  How do I handle this?
   5.  
      1. What was sinful, what was not?  Was I on the road to hell?  Was I putting her on the road to hell?
   6.  
      1. I thought I was going crazy.  
   7. 
      
3. Review: I encourage you to review the last episode, number 86 -- Obsessions, Compulsions, OCD and IFS
    
   1. That episode went deep into obsessions and compulsions and  serves as a basis for today's episode.  
4. 
   
   1. Today's episode, number 87 is entitled Scrupulosity:  When OCD Gets Religion and it's released on December 6, 2021, St. Nick's Day. 
5. 
   
   1. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you.  
   2. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.   
   3. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com
   4. Overview
       
      1. Start out with definitions of scrupulosity both from spiritual and secular sources, really want to wrap our minds around what scrupulosity is and the different types of scrupulosity. We will discuss the connection between scrupulosity and OCD -- discussion of OCD
   5.  
      1. We will then move to the signs of scrupulosity -- how can you tell when there is scrupulosity?
   6.  
      1. Then we will get into the internal experience of scrupulosity.  What is it like to experience intense scruples?  Had a taste in the intro, but we will get much more into that.  
   7. 
      
      1. We will discuss what religious and secular experts have to say about the causes of scrupulosity
   8.  
      1. Then what religious and secular experts have to say about the treatment of scrupulosity -- that most recommended therapy approach and the medications typically prescribed.  
   9. 
      
      1. After we've discussed the conventional secular and spiritual approaches to treating scrupulosity, I will how I think about scrupulosity, the root causes of scrupulosity, and how scrupulosity develops and how it can be treated.  I will give you an alternative view, grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person and informed by Internal Family Systems thinking.  
   10. 
       
6. Definitions:  You know how important definitions are to me.  We really want to make sure we understand what we are talking about.  
   1. Scruple comes from the Latin word  scrupulum, 
      1. "small, sharp stone" -- like walking with a stone in your shoe.
      2. Ancient Roman weight of 1/24 of an ounce or 1.3 grams.    
      3. Something tiny, but that can cause a lot of discomfort.  
   2. Definitions from Spiritual Sources
       
      1. Fr. William Doyle, SJ.  Scruples and their Treatment  1897: Scrupulosity, in general, is an ill-founded fear of committing sin.
   3.  
      1. Fr. Hugh O'Donnell:   Scrupulosity may be defined as a habitual state of mind that, because of an unreasonable fear of sin, inclines a person to judge certain thoughts or actions sinful when they aren't or that they are more gravely wrong than they really are… Scrupulosity involves an emotional condition that interferes with the proper working of the mind and produces a judgement not in accordance with object truth, but with the emotion of fear. 
   4. 
      
      1. Fr. James Jackson, article "On Scrupulosity" 
         1. A very good definition
         2. Scrupulosity is an emotional condition, an ultra-sensitivity to sin, which produces excessive anxiety and fear from the thought of eternal damnation…This condition is a religious, moral and psychological state of anxiety, fear and indecision. It is coupled with extreme guilt, depression and fear of punishment from God. However, each person who suffers from it does so uniquely.
   5. 
      
      1. Fr. Marc Foley:  The Context of Holiness: Psychological and Spiritual Reflections on the Life of St. Therese of Lisieux
          
         1. Excellent, very psychologically informed study of the Little Flower
      2.  
         1. Not only the best psychological profile of St. Therese of Lisieux, but the best psychobiography of any saint from any author I've read.
      3.  
         1. A very in-depth look at her mother, St. Zelie as well and the limitations and lack of attunement in the Martin family
      4.  
         1. Highly recommended reading -- all of chapter 12 is on The Little Flower's scrupulosity.  
      5. 
         
         1. Scrupulosity is an extremely painful anxiety disorder. It consists of annoying fear that one is offended God or could offend God at any moment and that God will cast her into hell. To protect yourself from eternal damnation, the scrupulous person dissects every thought, motive, and action in order to ascertain if she has send. And since she is deathly afraid that she might have sent, the scrupulous person seeks absolute certitude that she hasn’t send in order to assuage her fears.
      6.  
   6. 
      
   7. Definitions from Secular Sources
       
      1. Timothy Sisemore, Catherine Barton, Mary Keeley From Richmont Graduate University   Scrupulosity is a "sin phobia." 
   8. 
      
      1. Jaimie Eckert, Scrupulosity Coach:  Scrupulosity is where...

 Aditi Apr 2017

1. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  OCD.  That is what we are addressing today. 
   1. Here is what OCD is like for Toni Neville -- she says:  “It’s like being controlled by a puppeteer. Every time you try and just walk away he pulls you back. Are you sure the stove is off and everything is unplugged? Back up we go. Are you sure your hands are as clean as they can get? Back ya go. Are you sure the doors are securely locked? Back down we go. How many people have touched this object? Wash your hands again.” 
2. Introduction
    
   1. We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you.  
3. 
   
   1. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you.  
4. 
   
   1. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.   
5. 
   
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com
6.  
   1. Today, we are getting into obsessions and compulsions -- a really deep dive into what's really going on with these experiences.  
      1. I know many of you were expecting me to discuss scrupulosity today -- And you know what?  I was expecting I would be discussing scrupulosity well, but in order to have that discussion of scrupulosity  be well-founded, we really need to get into understanding obsessions and compulsions first.  I have to bring you up to speed on obessions and compulsions before we get into scrupulosity, and there is a lot to know
7. 
   
   1. The questions we will be covering about obsessions and compulsions.
       
      1. What are Obsession and Compulsions? Getting into definitions.  
         1. Also What are the different types of obsessions and compulsions, the different forms that obsessions and compulsions can take
         2. What is the experience of OCD like?  From those who have suffered it.  
   2. 
      
      1. Who suffers from obsessions and compulsions -- how common are they?  Who is at risk?
   3.  
      1. Why do obsessions and compulsions start and why do they keep going?
   4.  
      1. How do we overcome obsessions and compulsions?  How do we resolve them?  
         1. What does the secular literature say are the best treatments"  -- Medication and a particular kind of therapy called Exposure and Response Prevention
         2. Alternatives  
         3. Can we find not just a descriptive diagnosis, but a proscriptive conceptualization that gives a direction for healing, resolving the obsessions and compulsions  Not just symptom management.
   5. 
      
8. 
   
9. Definitions
    
   1. Obsessions
       
      1. DSM-5: Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2):
          
         1. Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or impulses that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress.
      2.  
         1. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion).
      3.  
         1. Not pleasurable
      4.  
         1. Involuntary
             
            1. My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice. - Author: Paul Rudnick
         2.  
            1. To resist a compulsion with willpower alone is to hold back an avalanche by melting the snow with a candle. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. - Author: David Adam
         3.  
      5. 
         
         1. Individual works to neutralize the obsession with another thought or a compulsion.  
      6. 
         
   2. 
      
      1. From the International OCD Foundation:  Obsessions are thoughts, images or impulses that occur over and over again and feel outside of the person’s control. Individuals with OCD do not want to have these thoughts and find them disturbing. In most cases, people with OCD realize that these thoughts don’t make any sense.  Obsessions are typically accompanied by intense and uncomfortable feelings such as fear, disgust, doubt, or a feeling that things have to be done in a way that is “just right.” In the context of OCD, obsessions are time consuming and get in the way of important activities the person values. 
   3. 
      
      1. Common Obsessions
          
         1. Sources
             
            1. What is OCD? Article by the International OCD Foundation on their website
         2.  
            1. WebMD article How Do I Know if I Have OCD? By Danny Bonvissuto February 19. 2020
         3.  
            1. Northpointrecovery.com blog What Types of OCD Are There? Get the Breakdown Here by the Northpoint Staff from May 3, 2019
         4.  
            1. Article entitled Common Types of OCD: Subtypes, Their Symptoms and the Best Treatment by Patrick Carey dated July 6, 2021 on treatmyocd.com
         5.  
      2. 
         
         1. Contamination
             
            1. Body fluids --- blood, urine, saliva, feces -   I gave my baby niece a serious illness when I held her --  I'm sure I got a disease from using the public restroom.  
         2. 
            
            1. Germs for communicable diseases -- may be afraid to shake hands, worried about catching gonorrhea
         3.  
            1. Environmental contaminants -- radiation, asbestos
         4.  
            1. Household chemicals -- cleaners, solvents
         5.  
            1. Dirt
         6.  
            1. If you put the wrong foods in your body, you are contaminated and dirty and your stomach swells. Then the voice says, Why did you do that? Don't you know better? Ugly and wicked, you are disgusting to me. - Author: Bethany Pierce
         7.  
         8. Losing Control
             
            1. Giving in to an impulse to harm yourself --  I could jump in front of this bus right now.  
         9. 
            
            1. Fear of acting on an impulse to harm others -- what if I stabbed my child with this knife?
         10.  
             1. Fear of violent or horrific images in your mind 
         11. 
             
             1. Fear of shouting out insults or obscenities -- 
         12. 
             
             1. Fear of stealing things
         13. &nbsp...

1. Join me as we discover explore all the elements of perfectionism, from its root causes to its surface manifestations, through an Internal Family Systems lens, grounded in a Catholic world view.  Through poetry, quotes, research findings, personal examples and the current professional literature, I pull together many strands into a unified whole to help you deeply grasp the internal experience of perfectionism.
2. Intro
    
   1. The Quintessential Persona    Leanna Smith
3.  
   1. We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you.  
   2. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you.  
   3. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.   
   4. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com
   5. Let's get into answering the questions -- the who, what, where, when, why, and how of perfectionism.  This is episode 85 of the Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast it's titled:  Perfectionism:  Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How
   6. Perfectionism -- a major, major problem for so many Catholics.   A major, major problem for so many of us.  Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill  2019 Psychological Bulletin Article:  Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016
       
      1. reviewed dozens of studies from a 27 year timespan all using the same instrument  the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale by Hewitt and Flett
   7.  
      1. 164 study samples comprising more than 41,000 college students in the US, Canada and Great Britain between 1989 and 2016
   8.  
      1. Results:  there is no doubt.  Perfectionism among college students is on the rise.  
         1. Between 1989 and 2016, 
            1. the scores for socially prescribed perfectionism —  or perceiving that other have excessive expectations of me — increased by 33%. 
            2. Other-oriented expectations — putting unrealistic expectations on others — went up 16%
            3. and self-oriented perfectionism — our irrational desire to be perfect — increased 10%
   9. 
      

1. The Who of Perfectionism -- the Parts
2. The What of Perfectionism -- What is it?  What are the different kinds of perfectionism, what are the elements?
3. Where Does Perfectionism Come From Within Us
4. When Does Perfectionism Get Activated?
5. Why Does Perfectionism Start and Why Does it Keep Going?
6. How Do We Overcome Perfectionism?  How do we resolve it?  Not just a descriptive diagnosis, but a proscriptive conceptualization that gives a direction for healing, resolving the perfectionism.  Not just symptom management, this is your cross nonsense.  There are real crosses that God gives us. Yes.  But those crosses fit well.  The crosses we impose upon ourselves do not fit well.  

1. What -- What is perfectionism?  You know that I want precise definitions when we dive into deep topics together.  I think it's ironic that there is a lot of unclear, sloppy thinking about perfectionism by perfectionists.  Shining a bright clear light on it.  
   1. Definition of Perfectionism
       
      1. Brene Brown:  The Gifts of Imperfection:  Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels the primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize painful feelings or shame, judgment and blame
   2.  
      1. Marc Foley O.C.D.  Editor of Story of a Soul: Study Edition  There is an unhealthy striving for perfection which psychologists call perfectionism. Perfectionism is the state of being driven to achieve a standard of perfection in an area of life that is fueled by either the fear of failure or the need for approval. This unhealthy striving is not the type of perfection to which God calls us.
   3.  
   4. So you may have perfectionistic parts that would like to challenge me on this.  Your perfectionistic parts may say to me
       
      1. So, Dr. Peter, Mr. Catholic Psychologist, you want us to have low standards, huh?  You think that would be better, for us to be lazy, to be weak, to take our ease, to relax, to give up the fight, to be mediocre, to be lukewarm, huh?  Is that what you are saying?  Didn't St. Jerome say:  Good, better, best, never let it rest, 'till your good is better, and your better's best
          
         1.  First off, let's start with your quote.  Often attributed to St. Jerome, but there's no evidence for it in his writings: 
            1. Fr. Horton addresses this alleged quote on his blog fauxtations.   September 26, 2016 post.  "Good, better, best: St. Jerome?"
                
               1. Oldest google books attribution is from 2009.  
            2. 
               
               1. 1904 Dictionary of Modern Proverbs
            3.  
               1. 1897 Christian Work: Illustrated Family Newspaper.  
            4. 
               
               1. Others attribute it to Tim Duncan, NBA all-star player, often considered the greatest power forward of all time.  
            5. 
               
            6. I want you to pursue excellence.  
      2. 
         
   5. 
      
      1. Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence or a commitment to self-improvement. There is a critical distinction between striving for excellence and perfectionism.   Let's discuss what perfectionism is not.   
   6. 
      
      1. Brene Brown:  Perfectionism is not self-improvement./ Perfectionism is, at it’s core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance  Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused – How can I improve? Perfectionism – is other focused – What will they think?” End quote.  
         1. What will they think?
   7. 
      
      1. Brene Brown  Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead:  “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.” 
   8. 
      
   9. Agnes M. Stairs, Smith, Zapolski, Combs, and Settles:  Clarifying the construct of perfectionism Assessment 2012  732 people
       
      1. 15 different perfectionism measures -- Factor analytic modeling
   10.  
       1. Found nine different personality traits associated with perfectionism:  Need for Order, Need for Satisfaction of a Job Well Done, Details and Checking, Perfectionism toward Others, High Personal Standards, Black and White Thinking about Tasks, Perceived Pressure from Others, Dissatisfaction with Personal Performance, Reactivity to Mistakes.  
   11. 
       
       1. 9 personality trait...

And now out to James Fieldler, our roving KDTT reporter, coming to us live from the scene of a terrible accident earlier this evening, a really difficult story that we have been following for you.  James – what do you have for us?

[background traffic and rain and truck backing]  Terry, I am here just off the shoulder of I-94 Westbound, about  four miles west of Miles City, near mile marker 142.  Earlier this evening, an eastbound Ford pickup crossed the median into oncoming westbound traffic, striking a Honda Odyssey minivan at full speed and sending it careening through the guardrail, and rolling down this shallow embankment.  

In that minivan were a 37-year old man, a  33 year old woman, and four children ranging from about 9 to two years old.  From this angle, you can see how damaged this minivan was, nearly crushed as they are winching it up onto the wrecker.  Montana State police have just confirmed this was a fatal accident, that one of the children, about five years old has died of massive head injuries.  The man and two of the children have been airlifted to St. Alexius Trauma Center in Bismarck, no word on their condition right now. 

That is tragic, James.  What do we know about the others, James?

Terry, we have some good news, too.  The woman was able to walk away from the wreck.  EMTs used the jaws of life to break open the back of the van and rescue the other two children, who have also been transported by ambulance to Bismarck.  The  45-year old driver the pickup was shaken up and was taken to Holy Rosary Hospital in Miles City, apparently with minor injuries.  No one else was in the truck.  

What do we know about the cause?

The investigation is ongoing. As you can see, driving conditions were also difficult –  the rain coming down here.  There is some question about driver fatigue in the driver of the truck.  No word yet on any charges that might be filed, but it’s likely.  A source told me that the pickup driver’s license had been revoked for a second DUI.  There is no official word yet on whether alcohol or drugs were involved in this crash.  

Thank you, James, and we will continue to follow this story for you.  Our hearts and thoughts go out to all those involved in the crash, we wish them a rapid recovery.  Now on to Jeff Springer with sports, and the surprising finish to the Griz’s matchup with the Idaho State Bengals.  Jeff, tell us what happened at Washington-Grizzly stadium today in the rain? [Cut to Intro Music

1. Intro
    
   1. We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you.  
2. 
   
   1. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you.  
3. 
   
   1. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.   
4. 
   
   1. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com
5.  
   1. Today's episode, number 83 is entitled The Internal Dance of Healthy Grief and it's released on August 30, 2021
6.  
   1. Heard a reenacted story about Brian Moreland, and I’ll be bringing that story in throughout todays episode to add depth and examples to the concepts 
7. 
   
8. Review: I encourage you to review the last episode, number 82 -- the many faces of grief inside us. 
   1. That episode goes over what happens to our parts when we experience grief?
   2. The experiences I'm about to describe are not the parts themselves. 
      1. Definition of a part --  Separate, independently operating personalities within us, each with own unique prominent needs, roles in our lives, emotions, body sensations, guiding beliefs and assumptions, typical thoughts, intentions, desires, attitudes, impulses, interpersonal style, and world view.  Each part also has an image of God and also its own understanding of self.  
      2. More than just one factor 
         1. More than just one emotion, more than just one desire or impulse 
         2. Rather -- a whole constellation of these qualities that endure over time, even if the part is not in conscious awareness in the moment.  
9. Adapted Dual Process Model of Bereavement
    
   1. Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut originally the DPM in 1999 Death Studies article called The dual process model of coping with bereavement: rationale and description
10.  
    1. Derek Scott -- IFS Therapist, author and expert on grief adapted this model in his article Grief and IFS: Mapping the Terrain -- check that out at his website ifsca.ca
        
       1. two clusters of parts, two groups of parts.  
          1. one focused the loss -- looking back to the past, looking at what happened.
          2. One cluster of parts focused on  -- looking toward restoration -- looking to the future, managing the demands of life now.  
    2. 
       
       1. Let's expand on these two clusters.  
          1. one cluster is oriented towards the loss -- those are the parts that IFS Therapist and Author Derek Scott introduced to us in the last episode.  
             1. Focus on experiencing grief
                 
                1. Managers
                    
                   1. Disbelief
                2.  
                   1. Numbness
                3.  
                   1. Sadness
                4.  
                   1. Guilt
                5.  
                   1. Spiritual Bypassing
             2. 
                
                1. Exiles
                    
                   1. Depression
                2.  
                   1. Missing/yearning
                3.  
                   1. Protest (anger)
                4.  
                   1. Guilt
                5.  
                   1. Powerlessness/despair/resignation.  
                6. 
                   
                   1. Shame
             3. 
                
          2. the other cluster towards restoration -- These are new parts.  
             1. dealing with the new complexities in life for the bereaved that are occasioned by the loss
             2. Readjusting to the new reality -- conforms to Elisabeth Kubler Ross' stage of acceptance and Colin Parkes' phase of reorganization and recovery
             3. Activities
                 
                1. ...

1. 1 Dimension -- line 
   1.  Only one quality -- very self-referential, the person in orbit around me and my needs.  
   2. Often only a functional dimension, or not meeting a function
       
      1. “That politicians
   3.  

who smiled at us and kissed our babies

blue eyes shining with triumph

well knew we were falling

into our graves

kicked by them

as they counted

our votes.”

― Alice Walker, Taking the Arrow Out of the Heart 

1. “What we do see depends mainly on what we look for. ... In the same field the farmer will notice the crop, the geologists the fossils, botanists the flowers, artists the colouring, sportsmen the cover for the game. Though we may all look at the same things, it does not all follow that we should see them.” ― John Lubbock, The Beauties of Nature and the Wonders of the World We Live in 
2. For Vivian:  In her pain and loneliness, part of her takes over reduces Ron to one dimension:  cold, distant, ignores me -- reduces Ron to one dimension -- in order to protect herself from him.  
3. For Ron blended with his angry part who is protecting him from agonizing pain from abandonment:  Vivian is a Betrayer -- She betrayed me, she is a traitor, a backstabber, she hurts me.  
4. Still very personalized, very self-referential
5. 2 Dimensions -- plane -- starts to be a little Less personal, less self-referential
    
   1. Cardboard Cutout-- person has a shape, not well understood.  
6. 
   
   1. Ron ignores me and is self absorbed.  But it's because of his job.  He shuts down emotions because of what he sees as a detective
       
      1. “It is a well-worn truth that cops grow callous, a cliché so tattered that it is even common on television. All cops face things every day that are so gruesome, brutal, and bizarre that no normal human being could deal with them on a daily basis and stay sane. And so they learn not to feel, to grow and maintain a poker-faced whimsy toward all the surprising things their fellow humans find to do to each other. All cops practice not-feeling, and it may be that Miami cops are better at it than others, since they have so many opportunities to learn.”  Jeff Lindsay, Dexter is Delicious
   2.  
7. 
   
   1. Vivian is a betrayer and a traitor.  But she's misguided -- she's reacting out of ignorance and emotion and because she doesn't understand me. 
8. 
   
9. 3 Dimensions -- taking into account much more of the person, providing a more complete snapshot of a moment in time
    
   1. Person has
       
      1. A whole internal world
   2.  
      1. Many dimensions
   3.  
      1. Many competing values at one time.
   4.  
      1. Needs -- attachment needs and integrity needs
   5.  
      1. Emotions
   6.  
      1. Belief.  
   7. 
      
      1. Thought
   8.  
      1. Intentions 
   9. 
      
      1. Desires
   10.  
       1. Attitudes
   11.  
       1. Impulses.
   12.  
       1. relationships
   13.  
       1. Maybe even multiple points of view inside at the same time.  
          1. With conflicts and polarizations inside --
   14. 
       
10. 
    
    1. Vivian is betraying me and harming me and she's misguided, reacting out of ignorance and emotion, but she also really loves our kids.  And she's good at her job. 
    2. Vivian has mixed reactions to me.  
11. 4 Dimensions -- out of basic geometry now and into physics.  The four dimension is physics...

Grief is my companion,

It takes me by the hand,

And walks along beside me

in a dark and barren land.

How long will this lonesome journey last,

How much more can my weary heart bear?

Since your death, I’ve been lost in the fog,

Too burdened with sorrow and care.

People tell me my sadness will fade,

And my tears will reach their end.

Grief and I must complete our journey,

And then maybe I’ll find happiness again.

1. Talking to Grief by Denise Levertov

Ah, Grief, I should not treat you

like a homeless dog

who comes to the back door

for a crust, for a meatless bone.

I should trust you.

I should coax you

into the house and give you

your own corner,

a worn mat to lie on,

your own water dish.

You think I don't know you've been living

under my porch.

You long for your real place to be readied

before winter comes. You need

your name,

your collar and tag. You need

the right to warn off intruders,

to consider

my house your own

and me your person

and yourself

1. “So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri
2. And we pay on a sliding fee scale as Orson Scott Card tells us
    
   1. “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.” 
3. 
   
4. Grief -- after five episodes on suicide, it seemed like the next topic.  Stay with me as we investigate grief…
5. Intro:
    
   1. Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics, I am so glad you are hear with me for these moments together, thank you for spending the time.  As you know, I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic you are listening to the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, where we don't hesitate to take on the tough topics that matter to you.  We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.   Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com
6.  
   1. Today's episode, number 81 is entitled "Grieving is the Price We Pay for Loving" and it's released on August 16, 2021
7.  
   1. We are broaching the big topic of grief.  We touched on it briefly way back in episode 15, but now we're getting into much more detail.  
8. 
   
   1. There is so much misinformation out there about grief.  So many myths, so many misconceptions to clear up.  Why is that?  We're going to answer that question with the professional research, the best of psychological theory, with Scripture, with poetry, with examples and with quotes to help you understand the experience of grief -- your grief and the grief of others.  
9. 
   
   1. Why should we learn about grief?  Earl Grollman sums it up like this:
       
      1. Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.
   2.  
      1. If we love, we will grieve.  Part of loving well is grieving well.  
      2. If we flee from grief, we will also flee from love.    You can't love without eventually grieving.  
      3. Our Lord modeled this for us:
          
         1. Isaiah 53:3 He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
      4.  
         1. John 11: 32-36 Then Mary, when she came where Jesus was and saw him, fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled; 34 and he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ]
      5.  
      6. Our Lady Modeled this for us.  Mary at Calvary looking up at her beloved Son, innocent, yet accused, mocked, reviled, slapped, spit upon, beaten, whipped. crowned with thorns, forced on death march, and then nailed to a cross, bleeding and dying.  His disciples save John had abandoned him, the people had turned against him. Flesh of her flesh, bone of her bone, but yet also Almighty God, the second person of the Trinity, Love Incarnate going through his grief.  
         1. What was her experience?  
         2. I can hear her asking, in the words of the Good Friday Reproaches, My people, what has he done to you?  How has he offended you? Answer me!
         3. Alice Von Hildebrand:  We gain a dolorous awareness that being as weak as we are, we cannot...

Visions of the things to be

The pains that are withheld for me

I realize and I can see

That suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

And I can take or leave it if I please

1. So a little backstory.  My Grandpa Roberts had a magnus chord organ 
   1. 1960's very popular, lots on the second hand market.  Chords press a button with left hand, keyboard with the right.  We had one too.  
   2. Grandpa Roberts had a songbook of popular tune to play on the Magnus Chord Organ --- including Suicide is Painless  
   3. I recognized the theme from MASH, and it was one of very few songs I learned to play on the Magnus Chord Organ, and I sang the lyrics as I played.  But they didn't particularly resonate with me until that post-surgical night in 1980, in the dark, sick, and alone with the crying toddler when my 11 year old heart was so burdened and breaking.  
2. Nobody noticed my singing about suicide in the night -- my toddler roommate didn't seem to care.  And it wasn't until almost 40 years later that I ever told anyone about it.  
3. Intro
    
   1. Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics, thank you for being here with me.  
4. 
   
   1. I no longer go by "Petey Guy," I am better known as clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski
5.  
   1. The reason this Interior Integration for Catholics podcasts exists is to help you toward  loving God, neighbor and yourself in an ordered, healthy, holy way. -- It's about tolerating being loved, and about loving about living out the two great commandments to the hilt, with all of our being, it's about overcoming the natural obstacles to reaching more of our potential, both in the natural and the spiritual realms.  
6. 
   
   1. Because we take on the tough topics in this podcast, today we are getting into the difficult and complex topic of suicide/  Suicide.  Even the word can send shivers up the spine.  
7. 
   
   1. This episode is titled IIC 76  The Black of Suicide -- What Do the Secular Experts Say? and it's released on July 12, 2021 
8. 
   
9. Today we are looking at the best of current psychological and sociological research -- 
   1. Episode 73.  St. Augustine De Doctrina Christiana. Chapter 40   is a theological text on how to interpret and teach the Scriptures.
       
      1. Moreover, if those who are called philosophers, and especially the Platonists, have said anything that is true and in harmony with our faith, we are not only not to shrink from it, but to claim it for our own use.
   2.  
      1. all branches of heathen learning have not only false and superstitious fancies and heavy burdens of unnecessary toil, which we ought to abhor and avoid; but they contain also liberal instruction which is better adapted to the use of the truth, and some most excellent precepts of morality; and some truths in regard even to the worship of the One God are found among them. Now these are, so to speak, their gold and silver, which they did not create themselves, but dug out of the mines of God's providence which are everywhere scattered abroad
   3.  
   4. In future episode, we will bring in a lot more of the wisdom of the Catholic Church .
   5. And in future episodes, we will bring in more Internal Family Systems thinking about our parts and suicide, fascinating stuff there
   6. And in future episodes we will be discussing the impact of suicide on parents, spouses, siblings, children and friends who experienced suicide through the death of a loved one.  
   7. So we are at the beginning of a series of episodes on suicide.  This is a critical topic -- A 2017 Rasmussen Reports national telephone and online survey of 1000 American Adults finds that 55%  know someone who has committed suicide.
       
      1. One from my 8th grade graduating class
   8.  
      1. One for two classes behind me in high school  
   9. 
      

1. Let's do an etymological analysis of the word suicide -- you know how much I like to break down words on this podcast, so it's Time for Word Lore [cue sound effect] 
   1. Where does the English word Suicide come from?
   2. "deliberate killing of oneself," 1650s, from Modern Latin suicidium "suicide," from Latin sui "of oneself" (genitive of se "self") + -cidium "a killing," from caedere "to slay" or to strike oneself.  
2. How serious is suic...