In This Episode, We Discuss:

• The Levels of Engagement: A "step-stool" approach to correction.
  • Level 1: Playful Engagement: De-escalating 80% of behaviors with a light touch.
  • Level 2: Structured Engagement: Giving specific choices and "two-second" directions.
  • Level 3: Calming Engagement: Recognizing when the "lid is flipped" and shifting focus from obedience to emotional regulation.
• The "Re-Do" in Action: Why practicing the right behavior is more effective than lecturing about the wrong one.
• The Anatomy of a Repair: Megan shares a vulnerable story about a pajama-time power struggle with her two-year-old and why saying "I’m sorry" is essential, even when you're the parent.
• Reflecting vs. Retaliating: How to move from "re-litigating" the past to "narrating" your child’s feelings to help them feel seen and known.
• Character Coaching: Using correction cycles to identify where a child needs extra support—whether it's self-control, boldness, or gentleness.

Key Takeaways

• Match the Intensity: Use only the level of engagement necessary to solve the problem. Once the behavior changes, "step down" the stool back to playfulness.
• Connect Before You Correct: You cannot successfully correct a child if you aren't in connection with them.
• Repair is the Finish Line: A correction cycle isn't complete until the relationship is fully restored.
• Launch-Ready Skills: Every conflict at home is a "practice round" for the conflicts your children will face as adults.

Meet Our Guest: Megan Hunt

Megan Hunt is a TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) practitioner, elementary school teacher, foster/adoptive mom, and Head Parenting Coach at The Well. She is dedicated to giving parents practical, hope-filled tools to raise kids with grace.

Podcast Catchphrases for Ep 8

The Levels of Engagement Step-Stool

Level | Strategy | GoalPlayful | Use a silly voice, a challenge, or a joke. | De-escalate and redirect.
Structured | Give two "Yes" choices (e.g., "Pants or shirt first?"). | Return to cooperation.
Calming | Stop the task. Focus on breathing, water, or a quiet space. | Regulate the brain's "fight or flight" response.

Meet Our Guest: Megan Hunt

Megan Hunt is a TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) expert, elementary school teacher, foster and adoptive mom, and the Head Parenting Coach at The Well. She specializes in helping parents develop a framework for discipline that prioritizes connection and long-term emotional health. 

get more free resources at www.gracebased.com 

Correcting Without Shame: How to address the behavior without attacking the child’s identity.

Holding the Line with Grace: The art of maintaining firm boundaries while remaining your child's biggest ally.

The Power of the Proximity and Tone: How your body language, volume, and word choice can either de-escalate a situation or pour gasoline on the fire.

Meet Our Guest: Megan Hunt

Megan Hunt is a TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) expert, elementary school teacher, foster and adoptive mom, and the Head Parenting Coach at The Well. She specializes in helping parents develop a framework for discipline that prioritizes connection and long-term emotional health. 

Learn more about building healthy family culture and get free resources at www.gracebased.com

Finding the sweet spot between "warm and fuzzy" and "rules and results" is one of the greatest challenges in parenting. In this episode, Megan Hunt breaks down why the most effective correction happens when Nurture and Structure are in perfect harmony. When we lean too far into one, we lose the connection; when we balance both, we create a safe harbor for our children to grow.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• The Golden Mean: Why high nurture plus high structure equals the "Ideal Parent" quadrant in TBRI.
• Handling Resistance with Grace: What to do when your child pushes back against the schedule without losing your cool.
• Flexibility vs. Rigidity: Practical ways to keep the "bones" of your day strong while remaining responsive to your child's needs.

Key Takeaways

• Structure Provides Safety: Kids thrive when they know what to expect. Predictability is a form of love.
• Nurture Provides Access: Without nurture, structure feels like a burden. Nurture is the "oil" that keeps the gears of discipline moving smoothly.
• The "Both/And" Approach: You don't have to choose between being the "fun parent" and the "firm parent."

Meet Our Guest: Megan Hunt

Megan Hunt is a TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) expert, elementary school teacher, foster and adoptive mom, and the Head Parenting Coach at The Well. She specializes in helping parents develop a framework for discipline that prioritizes connection and long-term emotional health. 

learn more and get free resources at www.gracebased.com 
check out our award winning kids podcast Lightcatchers. wwww.bealightcatcher.com 

Discipline doesn’t have to be a power struggle where someone has to lose. In this episode, Megan Hunt dives into the proactive side of Correction from Connection, focusing on a transformative tool: Giving Voice. By offering choices and sharing power, we don't just manage behavior—we build a bridge of trust that lasts.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Defining "Giving Voice": Moving beyond compliance to help children feel heard and valued.
• The Power of Choice: Why offering two "yes" options can stop a meltdown before it starts.
• Sharing Power vs. Losing Control: How to empower your child without abdicated your role as a leader.
• Grace vs. Permissiveness: Finding the sweet spot between firm boundaries and empowering grace.
• Real-Life Transformation: Megan shares a powerful story of how giving a child a voice turned a high-tension moment into a deepening of their bond.

Key Takeaways

• Connect Before (and After) You Correct: True discipline is rooted in the relationship, not just the rules.
• Proactive over Reactive: Giving voice is a tool you use before things escalate, setting your child up for success.
• Win the Heart, Not Just the Argument: You don’t have to lose the relationship with your children to "win" at discipline.

Meet Our Guest: Megan Hunt

Megan Hunt is a TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) expert, elementary school teacher, foster and adoptive mom, and the Head Parenting Coach at The Well. She specializes in helping parents develop a framework for discipline that prioritizes connection and long-term emotional health.

learn more at www.gracebased.com
check out our award winning kids podcast www.bealightcatcher.com

They cover questions like: How does play help us connect with our kids on a deeper level? Can play actually help redirect misbehavior or teach new skills? How can families build play into their daily routines without making it another chore?

Get more free resources geared for families and kids, including our award winning kids podcast "Lightcatchers" 
check out www.gracebased.com
www.bealightcatcher.com

They also cover questions like: 
- How can parents know if their expectations are age-appropriate and grace-filled?

Raising kids is difficult, and discipline is a needed part of parenting. Cody and Megan give a TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention) framework for working with kids and correcting their behaviors. 

Get more free resources geared for families and kids, including our award winning kids podcast "Lightcatchers" 
check out www.gracebased.com
www.bealightcatcher.com

Raising kids is difficult, and discipline is a needed part of parenting. Cody and Megan give a TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention) framework for working with kids and correcting their behaviors. 

Get more free resources geared for families and kids, including our award winning kids podcast "Lightcatchers" 
check out www.gracebased.com
www.bealightcatcher.com 

Join Megan Hunt and Cody Kimmel in this series as they examine attachment styles and how to raise healthy kids.

Kids need guidance, correction, and firm boundaries to mature into the adults we all hope they will become. But discipline can also feel overwhelming. If we do it the wrong way, we risk destroying our relationship with our children. If we avoid it, we undermine our ability to help them reach the maturity they need to thrive in the world. With so much at stake, there has to be a better way to discipline our kids.

Fortunately, there is. And it actually has nothing to do with the moment correction happens. In order to discipline our kids without destroying the relationship, we have to be correcting them from a place of deep, regular connection.

Learn more and get more free resources at www.gracebased.com

Learn more and get more free resources at www.gracebased.com

In this episode, Aaron and Dana discuss how redemption doesn’t just save our souls it reframes how we see everything, including sex. This episode helps parents show their kids that sex isn’t just something to avoid until marriage, but something to honor as a reflection of covenant love and trust in Jesus. We don’t just point to the past—we invite them into the redemptive future.  

get more free resources like this at www.gracebased.com

Overview: Before we talk to our kids about sex, we need to talk about ourselves. This episode invites parents to reflect on their own story—how pain, pride, silence, or shame from the past may still be shaping how we parent today. Grace creates a safe place to heal, and healing allows us to parent with freedom and presence, not fear.

Join Pastors Aaron & Dana Dailey on our latest series: Beyond the Sex Talk—helping parents have honest, shame-free conversations with their kids about sex.

Cody and Shealyn dig into how to connect with kids, use language they can understand, and ultimately launch kids towards a life filled with grace. You can learn more about Shealyn, as well as purchase her book, at shealynvisser.com.

The Goal:

• Encourage parents to cultivate in their children a heart for service that goes beyond mere actions to become a foundational character trait.

Key Takeaways from the Episode: The Big Idea: 

"Servant heartedness isn't just about giving up things; it's about gaining more through service. It’s love in action." – Cody Kimmel

Understanding a Servant's Heart:

• Servanthood is presented as the essence of Christian maturity, emphasizing that true service involves personal sacrifice but results in greater personal and communal fulfillment.

Biblical Inspiration:

• The guys discuss the biblical basis for servanthood, including Jesus’ teachings that greatness in the Kingdom of God is marked by serving others. They reflect on Philippians 2:5-8, which describes Jesus’ humility and servanthood as central to His mission.

What’s at Stake: Risks of Ignoring Servanthood:

• Children who focus solely on personal gain miss out on the deep joy and satisfaction found in serving others.
• A self-centered life contrasts sharply with the biblical call to love and serve, leading to a less fulfilling existence.

Benefits of Embracing Servanthood:

• Cultivating a servant's heart in children leads to richer relationships and a stronger community.
• Teaches that serving others aligns with Jesus’ example, bringing us closer to living out our faith authentically.

Practical Steps for Fostering a Servant's Heart:

• Involve children in service opportunities that allow them to experience the joy of giving.
• Use everyday situations to teach the value of putting others first and the joy that comes from selfless actions.
• Model servanthood through personal actions, showing children that serving is a valued family principle.

Conclusion:

• Cody and Greg reflect on the series and the journey of exploring God's blueprint for families.
• They emphasize that fostering a servant's heart is about enriching our children's lives and aligning them with God’s purposes.

Learn more at: www.GraceBasedFamilies.com

Produced by: The dedicated team at Gum Audio

In this episode, Cody and Greg explore how to instill a heart of generosity into kids. 

Listener Question from Sarah in South Dakota: (3:19) 
"I'm trying to help my kids develop a generous heart, particularly with sharing their toys, but my eight-year-old gets really upset when asked to share with her siblings. How can I encourage her to enjoy giving without feeling resentful?"

The Goal: Encourage children to view generosity not just as sharing objects but as a deeper expression of love and self-giving that enhances the joy and well-being of others.

The Big Idea: "Generosity is love lived out. It's about more than sharing—it's about giving of ourselves to improve the happiness and lives of others." – Cody Kimmel

Understanding Generosity: Generosity should be understood as an expansive, loving act that goes beyond material sharing to include time, attention, and care.

Biblical Inspiration: The ultimate act of generosity shown by God through the gift of himself on the cross, and this should frame our understanding of giving and love.

Behavior ≠ Identity: Teach children that generosity is not about losing what they have but about gaining joy through giving. Help them see that their actions can create positive changes in their environment and relationships.

What’s at Stake: The Dangers of Withholding Generosity: A lack of generosity can lead to isolation and missed opportunities for joy and community, as illustrated by negative biblical examples and characters like Ananias and Sapphira.

The Benefits of Generosity: Emphasize how living generously can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life, as generosity fosters community, gratitude, and deeper relationships.

Practical Steps for Fostering Generosity in Kids:

1. Role Model: Show generosity through everyday actions and explain why you do them—let kids see you giving time, money, or effort and explain the joy it brings you.

2. Create Opportunities: Encourage kids to participate in acts of generosity, like donating toys they no longer use or helping a sibling or friend with a task.

3. Redo and Practice: Use 'redos' to teach generosity in real-time. If a child reacts selfishly, pause, discuss more generous approaches, and let them try again.

4. Storytell: Use stories and scenarios to illustrate the impact of generosity and to help children imagine how their actions can make others feel.

.

Learn more at: www.GraceBasedFamilies.com

Produced by: The fantastic team at Gum Audio

THE BIG IDEA:

gratitude is a critical and transformative attribute that parents should cultivate in their children to counteract entitlement and promote a positive and abundant outlook on life.

Part 1. (00:00-23:15)

1. Understanding Gratitude:
   • Elizabeth discusses the common misconceptions about gratitude and entitlement in children. She emphasizes that gratitude is not merely about being polite but about recognizing and appreciating what others have contributed to one's life.
   • Timestamp: (06:00) - Elizabeth addresses the clinical perspective on gratitude vs. entitlement.
2. Challenges in Cultivating Gratitude:
   • Discussion on the natural developmental stages of children where self-focus is necessary for survival, transitioning to recognizing the needs and contributions of others as they grow.
   • Timestamp: (09:00) - Explanation of how entitlement can be a misinterpreted drive in children.
3. Practical Steps for Fostering Gratitude:
   • Suggestions include storytelling, regular reflections on daily blessings, and involving children in community services to broaden their perspectives and empathy towards others.
   • Timestamp: (18:00) - Elizabeth and hosts discuss practical activities to practice gratitude.

Part 2. (23:40-43:23)

   4. Children Who Have Been Traumatized and How They Interpret Gratitude.
        - How a child thinks about gratitude when they don't have a lot. (32:20)

    5. Building Practices of Gratitude with Kids
         - evening meal, bedtime, rose, bud, thorn. (37:50)

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Gratitude transforms how we see ourselves and the world around us. It shifts focus from 'me' to 'we.'"
• "Every little expression of thankfulness, no matter how small, contributes to a larger sense of happiness and fulfillment."

Resources: 
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
https://storytellerstherapy.com/ (Elizabeth's LMFT practice)

The Goal:

• Explore how cultivating humility can significantly affect personal growth and family relationships.
• Discuss practical steps for parents to instill this quality in their children, making it a foundational aspect of their character.

Common Misconception:

• There's a prevalent misconception that humility involves self-deprecation or a lower self-esteem. However, true humility is about recognizing one's own place in the context of God’s creation and others, maintaining a realistic view of one’s strengths and weaknesses.

Understanding True Humility:

• Humility as an honest assessment of one's abilities and limitations in the light of God’s greatness and the contributions of others.
• The importance of humility in developing other virtues, like wisdom, which is crucial for making sound decisions and fostering healthy relationships.

Hear It, Don’t Defend It:

• The hosts emphasize the value of modeling humility through personal examples and daily interactions within the family.
• Discussion on how parents can demonstrate humility by admitting their own mistakes and being open to learning from their children.

Encourage Regular Practice of Humility and Look for Growth Opportunities:

• Suggestions on incorporating humility into family life, such as serving others together and celebrating successes without boasting.
• How to teach children to appreciate their achievements and talents without diminishing others.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "If we want our children to be wise, we need them to first be humble." – Greg Lunsford

Key Points Takeaways:

• Humility as a gateway to wisdom and deeper relationships.
• The benefits of humility extend beyond personal growth to include enhanced family dynamics.
• How humility fosters a learning environment conducive to both parental and child development.

Conclusion:

• Cody and Greg wrap up the discussion by reinforcing the necessity of humility in raising extraordinary kids.
• They encourage parents to seek wisdom through humility, creating a family culture that values each member's growth and contribution.

Learn more at: www.GraceBasedFamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio www.gumaudio.com

Question from Carl in Cleveland: (5:00)

"My daughter (12) is seeing a kid at her school get bullied. She wants to stand up for her but is worried that other kids will make fun of her. I think in her heart she knows the right thing to do, but it's overwhelming for her.  How can I help her give her courage to stand up for others, while also navigate the social dynamics of being a middle school kid? 

The Goal: Equip kids with the courage to make ethical decisions, emphasizing the importance of doing the right thing for the right reasons, rooted in biblical values.

The Big Idea: "Courage isn't just about facing fears but about embracing the right actions for the right reasons." – Cody Kimmel

Parenting is not just about teaching rule-following but fostering an environment where kids feel empowered to make morally right decisions, even when they are difficult.

Biblical Inspiration: Courage as demonstrated by biblical figures, including Jesus and the prophets, who showed that true courage is as much about faithfulness to God’s commands as it is about bravery.

Behavior ≠ Identity: True courage involves understanding and embracing the moral reasons behind actions, not just the actions themselves. This means standing up for what is right, even if it is unpopular or challenging.

Examples from Scripture: Jesus in the wilderness, facing temptations but choosing to honor God over easy wins, shows the deep love for the long-term good that comes from doing the right thing.

What’s at Stake: Overreacting to Fear: Can lead kids to avoid taking stands on important issues, resulting in missed opportunities to bring goodness into the world.

Underreacting to Courage Opportunities: Fails to foster a culture of bravery and righteousness that the world desperately needs.

The Goal of Parenting: To nurture kids who are not only brave but also understand the deep value and goodness of God’s guidance in making tough choices.

4 Practical Steps for Helping Kids Navigate Courageous Decisions:

1. Respond, Don’t React: Encourage kids to take courageous steps by discussing potential scenarios and role-playing responses.

2. Separate Identity from Behavior: Reinforce that a child’s worth is not tied to their social standing but to their character and integrity.

3. Empathize and Understand: Listen to your child’s fears about standing up for others, affirming that their concerns are valid and understandable.

4. Focus on Training Over Criticism: Teach kids why courage is valuable and how it reflects God’s character. Discuss biblical heroes who were courageous and the positive outcomes of their actions.

5. Balance Grace and Accountability: Support kids in courageous actions by showing them that doing the right thing, even when hard, is part of living a fulfilling and God-honoring life.

Learn more at: www.GraceBasedFamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio

Elizabeth Orthmann is a licensed marriage and family therapist with expertise in trauma, attachment, and parenting.  She joins Greg and Cody to discuss how to build endurance and resilience into kids. 

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • Discussing the importance of 'enduring with'—how shared experiences of overcoming obstacles can foster resilience in children.
2. Expert Insights:
   • Elizabeth Orthman shares her professional perspective on how endurance can be cultivated in children through parental support and real-life application.
3. What’s at Stake:
   • The inability to endure hardships may lead to poor coping mechanisms in adulthood, making resilience a crucial skill for children to develop.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Endurance:

1. Encourage Problem-Solving:
   • Teach children to face small, manageable challenges to build their problem-solving skills and confidence.
2. Create a Supportive Family Environment:
   • Foster a family culture where endurance is valued and practiced, with parents modeling resilient behaviors.
3. Regular Family Discussions:
   • Hold family meetings to discuss challenges and strategies for overcoming them, reinforcing the concept of endurance through collective family experiences.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Endurance isn't just about getting through on your own; it's about moving forward together and finding strength in that unity."
• "Building endurance helps children not just survive but thrive through life's inevitable challenges."

Timestamps for Key Sections:

Part 1.  0-20:50.
- Definition of endurance "bearing suffering (10:38)
- Endurance, doing hard things "with" someone: (17:30)

Part 2. 21:03-56:30
- Practical ways to build endurance in kids.
- What if a kid doesn't have a trusted adult to build endurance with them. (33:00)
- How to know when it's become too much for your kid to handle (38:30)
- How to choose what to focus on with your kid in building endurance(43:30)

Resources: 
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
https://storytellerstherapy.com/ (Elizabeth Orthmann's LMFT practice) 

• Intro Timestamp: (00:00) - Cody discusses the importance of setting boundaries and casting a vision for the responsible use of technology, such as smartphones.
• Listener Question:
  • From: Kelly in Salt Lake City, Utah
  • Timestamp: (05:00)
  • Question: "We gave our daughter her first smartphone for her 16th birthday, and she's overwhelmed by it, neglecting homework and chores. How can we discuss setting boundaries and self-discipline without making her feel punished?"
• The Goal: To guide children in developing self-discipline, especially in managing their technology use, ensuring they can set healthy boundaries for themselves.
• Key Takeaways from the Episode:
  1. The Big Idea:
     • Self-discipline is essential for managing personal impulses, particularly in relation to technology use.
  2. Biblical Insights:
     • References biblical principles that underline the importance of diligence and self-control, such as teachings from Proverbs and Hebrews.
  3. What’s at Stake:
     • Without self-discipline, children may struggle to make prudent decisions, especially in an age dominated by digital distractions.
• Practical Steps for Cultivating Self-Discipline:
  1. Vision Casting:
     • Start conversations about technology by highlighting its benefits and the responsibilities it entails, setting a positive framework.
  2. Setting Clear Boundaries:
     • Establish clear and reasonable guidelines for technology use, including times and places where device use is inappropriate.
  3. Regular Check-ins:
     • Engage in ongoing discussions about technology use, adjusting rules as needed and ensuring children understand the reasons behind them.
• Favorite Quotes from This Episode:
  • "Technology is not inherently bad; it's a tool that can be used wisely or poorly."
  • "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11)
• Greg and Cody’s Insights:
  1. Greg's Reflection:
     • Shares personal anecdotes about the challenges and rewards of teaching discipline to his own child.
  2. Cody’s Experience:
     • Discusses his efforts to teach his children the value of discipline in various aspects of life, from technology to personal hobbies.
• Timestamps for Key Sections:
  • Introduction to Self-Discipline Discussion: (00:00)
  • Listener Question and Response: (05:00)

Listener Question:

• From: Lauren in Katy, Texas
• Timestamp: (06:00)
• Question: "How can I teach my children to interact pleasantly with adults and demonstrate poise in various situations? They sometimes act awkwardly, like staring or making strange noises instead of engaging normally."

The Goal: To help children develop poise, focusing on others-oriented behaviors rather than self-control, enabling them to handle various social situations gracefully.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • Poise is not merely about self-control; it's about cultivating an others-focused approach, where children learn to consider the feelings and needs of others in their actions.
2. Biblical Insights:
   • Discussions on biblical teachings that support the development of poise, such as living a quiet life (1 Thessalonians) and understanding the appropriateness of actions (Ecclesiastes).
3. What’s at Stake:
   • Developing poise in children helps them navigate social settings effectively, enhancing their ability to show respect and consideration for others, which is essential for their spiritual and social growth.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Poise:

1. Model Poise and Consideration:
   • Parents should demonstrate how to behave appropriately in various settings, providing a living example for their children.
2. Teach Situational Awareness:
   • Explain the expectations and norms of different social settings to children beforehand, helping them understand how to act accordingly.
3. Encourage Reflective Learning:
   • Discuss and review past experiences with children to reinforce lessons learned and encourage better choices in the future.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Poise helps our kids live an others-focused life."
• "Poise is a way to show others love because it is based on a deep awareness of what people need in that particular moment."

Greg and Cody’s Insights:

1. Greg's Reflection:
   • Shares a personal story of his own childhood and how understanding from a young age shaped his interactions and behavior in public.
2. Cody’s Experience:
   • Talks about how teaching his children to handle various public settings has been a progressive journey of learning and adjustment.

Timestamps for Key Sections:

• Introduction to Poise Discussion: (00:00)
• Listener Question and Response: (06:00)

Listener Question:

• From: Amanda in Chicago, Illinois
• Timestamp: 4:58
• Question: "I'm a parent of two children, ages 8 and 10, and I'm struggling with how to approach faith with my kids. They have started expressing doubt and questioning the teachings they've grown up with. How can I encourage their spiritual growth without making them feel pressured or judged while still maintaining the core spiritual values I believe are important for their lives?"

The Goal: To help parents navigate their children's faith questions with understanding and without fear, ensuring that these inquiries are part of a healthy spiritual journey.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • It's not our job to save our children; that's God's role. Our responsibility is to model genuine faith and allow God to work in their lives.
   • Emphasizing that questions and doubts are natural parts of a spiritual journey and can lead to deeper understanding and faith.
2. Biblical Inspiration:
   • Faith is described as a dynamic interaction initiated by God, with biblical figures like Abraham and Moses illustrating how personal struggles and doubts can lead to profound faith.
   • Discussion on how biblical stories teach us about the strength of faith that includes questioning and seeking.
3. What’s at Stake:
   • Ignoring or dismissing children's spiritual doubts can lead to disengagement from faith.
   • Encouraging open dialogue about faith and doubts can strengthen personal and family faith journeys.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Understanding and Openness in Faith:

1. Model Genuine Faith:
   • Share personal struggles and victories in faith transparently with children.
   • Demonstrate that faith can coexist with doubt and is not a pathway devoid of obstacles.
2. Foster a Safe Environment for Questions:
   • Encourage children to express their doubts and questions without fear of judgment.
   • Use questions as opportunities for joint exploration of faith, not just teaching moments.
3. Encourage Exploration and Curiosity:
   • Support children in seeking answers and understanding, showing that faith is not about having all the answers but about seeking truth with God's guidance.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "It's not your job to save them; it's God's job to save them."
• "Faith is not forced; if it's forced, then it's not real faith."

Greg and Cody’s Parenting Wins & Fails:

1. Greg’s Insight:
   • Shares a personal story of dealing with his son's straightforward approach to the Bible, illustrating the importance of adapting to children's evolving spiritual needs.
2. Cody’s Reflection:
   • Discusses how his initial resistance to family activities like puzzling turns into a metaphor for participating in messy but enriching family and faith dynamics.

Listener Question from Megan in Tacoma, WA: (4:30)

"I know making mistakes is part of learning and growth, but my son is particularly sensitive to having his mistakes called out. Sometimes I worry my approach has been the problem. How can I balance grace and accountability to help him navigate mistakes without sparking a shame response?"

The Goal:

Create an environment where kids feel safe to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow without being defined by their failures. The focus is on balancing grace, accountability, and a response that fosters resilience instead of shame.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • "Kids will get it wrong—and so will we."
   • Parenting is not about perfection but about fostering an environment of grace and growth. Both kids and parents need grace as they navigate mistakes and challenges together.
2. Biblical Inspiration:
   • God’s grace is big enough for every kind of mistake, from accidents to willful disobedience.
   • Behavior ≠ Identity: God does not define us by our mistakes, and neither should we define our kids by theirs.
   • Examples from Scripture:
     • Adam and Eve in the garden—God pursued them in their mistake, offering grace alongside consequences.
     • The patience God displayed with His people in Judges and the Kings, where He consistently forgave and called them back to Him.
   • Grace upon grace (John 1) is the standard: just as God showers us with unending grace, we are called to extend it to our children.
3. What’s at Stake:
   • Overreacting to Mistakes:
     • Can lead kids to associate mistakes with shame, resulting in fear-based behavior instead of authentic growth.
     • Over time, this creates a fear of failure that can stifle creativity, independence, and vulnerability.
   • Underreacting to Mistakes:
     • Fails to teach kids accountability and responsibility.
     • Leads to patterns of poor decision-making and missed opportunities for growth.
4. The Goal of Parenting:
   • Not to raise perfectly behaved kids but to help them become fully alive in God. Behavior flows from the heart, so the focus should be on shaping the heart rather than controlling behavior.

Practical Steps for Helping Kids Navigate Mistakes:

1. Respond, Don’t React:
   • Every mistake deserves a patient and gracious response—this helps kids learn and grow without internalizing shame.
   • Your response might vary from “Hey, it’s okay!” for small mistakes to a deeper conversation for more serious ones.
2. Separate Identity from Behavior:
   • Make it clear that your child’s worth and identity are not tied to their mistakes.
   • Example: “This is not who you are. Let’s talk about how to make this better.”
3. Empathize and Understand:
   • Before correcting a mistake, acknowledge your child’s feelings and perspective.
   • Avoid asking “Why did you do that?” Instead, say, “I understand what happened. Let’s figure out a way to handle it differently next time.”
4. Focus on Training Over Criticism:
   • Mistakes often happen because kids don’t know better or haven’t been taught.
   • Before disciplining, ask yourself: Have I shown them how to do this correctly?
5. Balance Grace and Accountability:
   • Grace doesn’t mean avoiding consequences. Discipline should always aim to restore, teach, and guide.
   • Example from Dr. Tim Kimmel: Discipline says, “I love you too much to let you continue in harmful patterns.”
6. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff:
   • Reserve emotional energy for the issues that truly matter. If everything is a battle, the home becomes chaotic and stressful.
   • Let little accidents (e.g., broken plates, spilled drinks) roll off your shoulders with a quick, “That’s okay. Let’s clean it up.”

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “Behavior born out of fear of failure is not obedience.”
• “Our job is not to raise perfectly behaved kids but to help them become fully alive in God.”
• “God’s grace is patient and long. We’re called to mirror that in our parenting.”
• “Kids will make mistakes—some intentional, some accidental—but every mistake deserves a gracious response.”

• (00:00) - Intro
• (04:30) - Question: How to correct a kid's mistake without invoking shame?
• (05:15) - Discussion

"I grew up in a family that didn’t really share feelings or show much emotion. I’m continuing to work on this as an adult. I now have three boys of my own and I want them to feel comfortable being vulnerable and expressing emotions in our family. How do I encourage this in a genuine and natural way?"

The Goal:

Help kids feel safe expressing big emotions and cultivate a family environment where vulnerability is normalized and encouraged. Vulnerability builds trust, emotional health, and deeper family connection.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • Home needs to be a safe place for our kids' big feelings.
   • If kids don’t feel safe being vulnerable at home, they’ll find somewhere else to express those feelings—and those places may not be the healthiest or safest environments.
2. Biblical Inspiration:
   • God models emotional openness by giving His children the freedom to express big feelings without condemnation.
   • Examples:
     • Moses: Expressed his doubts and fears about his abilities. God responded with reassurance and provision.
     • David in the Psalms: David openly shared his grief, joy, anger, and confusion with God.
     • Jesus weeping: Demonstrated vulnerability in front of His disciples, showing us that emotions are part of our humanity.
3. What’s at Stake:
   • If kids don’t feel they can share their emotions at home:
     • They might bottle them up, leading to long-term emotional struggles.
     • They might turn to unhealthy outlets for expression.
   • Vulnerability at home protects kids emotionally and ensures they learn how to process their feelings in healthy, God-honoring ways.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Vulnerability:

1. Lead by Example:
   • Model vulnerability by sharing your own emotions in an appropriate way.
   • Example: Share when you’ve had a hard day and explain how you’re working through it.
   • Let your kids see how you navigate emotions in a healthy way.
2. Create Safe Spaces:
   • Develop daily or weekly rhythms that create opportunities for connection and openness:
     • Bedtime routines: A quiet moment to ask, “How are you feeling today?” or “Is there anything on your mind?”
     • Car rides: Captive time where kids often feel less pressured to “perform” or overthink.
   • Use these moments to gently ask questions and give your kids space to open up.
3. Cultivate Connection Through Shared Activities:
   • Spend intentional time doing fun or meaningful activities with your kids. Vulnerability is more likely to flow out of strong relational connection.
   • Example: Playing a game, doing a shared hobby, or even just sitting together.
4. Avoid Shutting Them Down:
   • Even if their feelings seem exaggerated or misplaced, let them express them fully before stepping in with guidance.
   • Avoid phrases like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
   • Validate their emotions by saying things like, “I can see why you’re feeling this way.”
5. Ask Questions to Invite Sharing:
   • Simple prompts like, “Is there anything I can pray about for you?” or “What was the best and hardest part of your day?” can lead to deeper conversations.
   • When kids feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to reciprocate by asking about your emotions too.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “If we want our kids to be vulnerable, they need to feel safe being vulnerable.”
• “It only takes a few times of us shutting them down for them to learn it’s not safe to share their feelings.”
• “God allows us to bring every big emotion to Him—our homes should mirror that grace and safety.”
• “Vulnerability in families isn’t just about kids opening up to parents; it’s about parents modeling what healthy vulnerability looks like.”

Greg and Cody’s Parenting Wins & Fails:

1. Greg’s Win:
   • After his son lost an important soccer match, Greg met him in his grief rather than minimizing it. He gave him the space to feel sad, which strengthened their bond.
2. Cody’s Fail:
   • Cody accidentally missed a live event with his kids due to a time change he didn’t notice. Despite the disappointment, it became an unexpected moment of shared vulnerability and connection.

• (00:00) - Intro
• (05:30) - Question about vulnerability
• (06:00) - Discussion on teaching kids emotions and vulnerability

Question:
"I recently got upset at my child because they bluntly told me I was using my phone a lot. What can I do to make sure they'll continue to be open with me and share things in the future?"

The Goal:

Create an environment where kids feel safe and respected enough to be candid. This means encouraging kids to speak freely, even if what they share may feel hard to hear as a parent. When kids can express their feelings without fear, they learn to trust and build a more genuine, open relationship.

Common Misconception:

Many parents believe that allowing children to voice criticisms or frustrations is disrespectful. However, children who feel safe sharing their honest thoughts and frustrations with their parents are more likely to have strong relationships and confidence in the long run.

Staying on Track in Parenting:

1. Understanding True Candor:
   • Candor is giving kids the freedom to speak honestly to their parents, even about uncomfortable topics. When kids know they won’t be punished for sharing concerns, it strengthens trust and confidence.
   • Being candid helps kids learn boundaries respectfully while creating space for authentic relationships. God models this in the Bible, giving us the freedom to come to Him with our frustrations, doubts, and even complaints.
2. Hear It, Don’t Defend It:
   • Respond to your child’s comments calmly, without shutting them down, even if the initial reaction feels defensive. This shows them you value their feelings and opinion.
   • Practice patience and restraint when your child calls out something you may not even agree with. Encourage them to say more by asking, “What else are you feeling?” or, “What else would you like me to know?”
3. Encourage Regular Candor and Look for Growth Opportunities:
   • Seek out their thoughts when things are calm, even if nothing “big” is happening. A simple, “How am I doing as your parent?” can invite them to share safely.
   • The goal is consistent communication rather than focusing on “getting it right” every time. Over time, kids will see this as a safe pattern.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “Kids need to tell you the hard things about yourself without fear of punishment.”
• “God doesn’t shut us down when we bring Him our hard questions—He wants to hear them.”
• “The more important thing isn’t that what they’re saying is fully right, but that they feel the freedom to say it.”
• “If our kids can’t be honest with us, we’ll never have a truly heart-connected relationship with them.”

Key Points Takeaways:

• Prioritize openness over correctness. Focus on making your kids feel safe in sharing thoughts over worrying about how accurate they are.
• Practice humble listening. Create a culture of honesty by giving your kids a voice and the assurance that what they say matters.
• Candor builds strong relationships. Candor done well will bring you closer and give you more insight into your child’s heart and mind.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the value of encouraging kids to speak freely, even when it means hearing uncomfortable truths. Using Ashley’s question as a springboard, they cover the importance of candor for building strong family relationships. In teaching kids to communicate honestly, parents model God’s willingness to listen to our questions, fears, and even complaints, creating a home culture where kids feel deeply valued.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

• (00:00) - Intro
• (03:43) - Question, How do I encourage my kid to speak candidly and what do I do when they call me out on something?
• (03:57) - Discussion. How to teach kids to be candid and how to react well when your kid is candid.

This episode’s question comes from Katie in Wisconsin: (3:33)

Question:
"When I was in high school, I loved being in sports and clubs and hoped my daughter would enjoy them too. But she’s very introverted and isn’t interested. I know she’s her own unique person, but it feels like she’s missing out. How do I parent a child so different from me?"

The Goal:

True thriving happens when kids feel the freedom to be themselves. While parents often wish for their kids to share their interests or strengths, we’re called to raise our children in the unique way God designed them to be. Embracing their differences strengthens connection and allows them to flourish as the individuals God created.

Common Misconception:

Many parents think they must shape their children to be like themselves or follow in their footsteps. While sharing common interests can be enjoyable, children thrive when they’re supported in their unique paths, even if that means they’re vastly different from us.

Staying on Track in Parenting:

1. Celebrate Uniqueness as God-Given:
   • God intentionally made each child with unique traits and interests. When we celebrate their differences, we reflect God’s love for their individuality.
   • Proverbs reminds us to “train up a child in the way they should go”—not necessarily the way we want them to go. Like archers who study the natural bend of the bow, parents should observe their children’s “natural bend” to guide them well.
2. Different Isn’t Wrong:
   • Distinguish between behaviors that are genuinely concerning and behaviors that are simply different from our expectations.
   • Children need space to experiment with their personalities and interests, even if these behaviors sometimes annoy us. Giving them this freedom builds their confidence.
3. Flip the Script on Parenting Goals:
   • Rather than hoping our children become “mini-me’s,” we can embrace the adventure of watching them become who God intended. It’s freeing to move away from control and instead become encouragers, helping them become their best selves in God’s plan.
   • “Flipping the script” reminds us that parenting isn’t about control; it’s about supporting our children’s journey with grace and curiosity.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “Kids thrive when they feel the freedom to be themselves.”
• “Our job is not to raise kids in our image, but to raise them according to who God created them to be.”
• “When we focus on supporting their natural bend, we set them up for lasting confidence and joy.”
• “Flip the script—parenting is less about our goals and more about who God is calling our children to be.”

Key Points Takeaways:

• Your child’s uniqueness is a gift. God’s design is not for kids to mirror us, but to shine in their own way.
• Encourage, don’t control. As they grow, embrace the role of guide and encourager, giving them space to explore what makes them different.
• Ask, “Is it wrong or just different?” Most of the time, kids’ quirks and differences are harmless—they’re simply expressions of who they are.

Conclusion:

In Episode 12, Greg and Cody talk about the balance between nurturing kids’ unique traits and letting go of control. Using Katie’s question as a springboard, they explore how kids develop confidence and strength when given the freedom to be themselves. This perspective shifts the parent-child relationship, making it richer, more joyful, and a beautiful reflection of God’s unconditional love.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

• (00:00) - Intro
• (03:33) - Question
• (04:00) - Discussion

Question:

"My daughter just entered high school, and the transition has been tough. She’s struggling with school and friendships. How can I give her the strength she needs to face these challenges?"

The Goal:

Resiliency in children is built through hope. True hope is not just wishful thinking but the belief that future good will make today’s hardships worthwhile. It’s our job as parents to model and cultivate this kind of hope in our children, helping them endure challenges while remaining anchored in faith and purpose.

Common Misconception:

Parents often believe that raising resilient children means shielding them from hardships. However, resilience doesn’t come from avoiding difficulty—it comes from learning to face struggles with confidence that things will get better. Hope is essential for nurturing this ability to persevere.

Staying on Track in Parenting:

1. Hope Builds Resilience:
   • Hope is tied to belief—it’s the confidence that future good will outweigh today’s difficulties.
   • Biblical stories of exile, suffering, and redemption (e.g., Jeremiah 29 and Revelation) remind us that hard seasons are part of life, but they don’t define the whole story.
   • Just as the Bible offers hope to those in trials, parents can offer hope to children by connecting their current challenges to a bigger picture.
2. Model Hope, Don’t Just Preach It:
   • Kids learn about hope by watching how parents face difficulties. If parents demonstrate hope in hard times, children will see that hope is real.
   • Be honest with your kids about your own struggles, but show them how faith and hope anchor you.
3. Practice Delayed Gratification and Create Meaningful Moments:
   • Encourage “hope practices,” like celebrating small victories and engaging in activities that build anticipation (e.g., holidays, milestones).
   • Help children reflect on past blessings and challenges to create “remembrance moments,” like the Ebenezer stones from the Bible. These practices help them build confidence in future restoration.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “Hope is practiced, not preached.”
• “Without hope, kids falter. Despair does incredible harm, but hope is the antidote.”
• “God’s story doesn’t end in suffering—it ends in renewal.”
• “Your kids will believe hope is real when they see it practiced in your life.”

Key Points Takeaways:

• Hope strengthens kids for life’s challenges. It equips them to endure struggles with faith that things will improve.
• Parents must model hope. Words alone aren’t enough—kids need to see hope in action through how we respond to hardship.
• Incorporate small “hope practices.” Whether through holidays, family traditions, or small victories, give children moments to look forward to and reflect on God’s faithfulness.

Conclusion:

In Episode 11, Greg and Cody explore how hope is a critical element in building resilience in children. With examples from scripture, personal experiences, and parenting practices, they emphasize that hope isn’t just taught—it’s modeled. By showing our kids how to endure with faith and by creating meaningful moments, we teach them that even the hardest times are not the end of the story.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Question:

"The kids I serve seem so aimless. It’s hard to help them find purpose when they are overwhelmed by distractions and pressure. How do we help our kids discover the purpose they need to thrive?"

The Goal:

Children need a sense of purpose to truly thrive. Purpose gives them direction, confidence, and a sense of belonging in God’s bigger plan. As parents, we have the opportunity to nurture and call out the gifts God has given our children, helping them see how their lives fit into the larger story of God's work in the world.

Common Misconception:

It’s easy to think that kids need less responsibility and more freedom to “just be kids.” However, children benefit when they are given meaningful tasks and responsibilities that connect them to the bigger picture. Too much aimlessness can leave kids feeling disconnected and undervalued.

Staying on Track in Parenting:

1. Kids Need Purpose to Thrive:
   • A purpose-driven child is more likely to be motivated, engaged, and joyful. Even small contributions to their family or community can foster a deep sense of belonging and significance.
   • Biblical stories, such as God calling Adam to name the animals, show that God invites people to actively participate in His work from the start.
2. Call Out Their God-Given Gifts:
   • Be a student of your children. Pay attention to their interests, talents, and passions, and affirm them when you see something unique.
   • Encourage kids to explore ways they can use their gifts now, rather than waiting for adulthood. Help them discover that even small actions, like serving in their church or community, have kingdom impact.
3. Help Kids See the Bigger Picture:
   • Connect their everyday actions to God’s greater story. Show them that what they do at school, home, or church matters to God.
   • Give them meaningful responsibilities—at home, church, or in the community—that show them they are part of something bigger than themselves.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “A kid with purpose and a kid without it are like night and day.”
• “God gives us all a part to play in His bigger story.”
• “Help your kids see how their gifts fit into God’s kingdom work.”
• “What you do now matters to what God is doing in the world.”

Key Points Takeaways:

• Purpose fuels thriving: When children feel they have a role to play, they become more engaged in life.
• Affirm their gifts: Point out the unique ways God has wired them, helping them grow into their purpose.
• Connect daily actions to God’s bigger plan: Help children see that their contributions—whether small or big—are meaningful.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody explore how a sense of purpose helps children thrive. Drawing on personal stories and biblical insights, they encourage parents to recognize and call out their children’s unique gifts. When kids understand their place in God’s story, they grow in confidence, joy, and faith. It’s never too early to help them discover their purpose—and the result is a life full of meaning and connection.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Question:
"Last week, my son did something that really upset my husband and me, and we didn’t handle it well. How do we communicate our love to him, even when he’s making choices we strongly disagree with?"

The Goal:

Love should never depend on a child’s behavior. As parents, our goal is to provide discipline in a way that fosters connection, growth, and restoration—just as God’s love for us remains unconditional, even when we fail.

Common Misconception:

Many parents feel that disciplining their children requires a harsh response to convey seriousness. However, using punishment alone can create emotional distance and fear, leaving kids unsure of their parents' love. Discipline, when guided by love, is an opportunity for growth, not shame.

Three Big Ideas:

1. Love is Not Dependent on Behavior:
   • Children need to know they are loved no matter what. Mistakes should not impact how we express love.
   • Just as God’s love is rooted in grace, our love for our children should remain secure, even when correction is needed.
2. Separate Identity from Actions:
   • Avoid attaching labels to misbehavior (e.g., "You're a liar"). Instead, affirm your child’s identity apart from their actions (e.g., "What you did doesn’t reflect who I know you are").
   • Correct behavior without compromising the child’s sense of worth and belonging.
3. Discipline as a Path to Connection, Not Punishment:
   • Discipline should teach and restore, not punish. When children already feel guilty or ashamed, piling on punishment can shut them down emotionally.
   • Use discipline moments to grow in relationship with your child. End with a reminder of love and a gesture of connection (e.g., a hug).

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Our love for our kids can never depend on their behavior."
• "God’s love for us isn’t based on merit—and neither should ours be."
• "Discipline is about restoring, not punishing."
• "Kids thrive when they know they are loved, even when they mess up."

Key Takeaways:

• Love first, always: Your love should be consistent and visible to your child, no matter the situation.
• Separate behavior from identity: Misbehavior should be addressed, but it doesn’t define who the child is.
• Use discipline to connect: Discipline moments are opportunities to foster connection and growth, not shame or emotional distance.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss how to navigate the tension of disciplining kids while making sure they feel loved. Drawing on God’s example of covenant love, they emphasize that love must be secure, not tied to behavior. When we discipline, the goal should be to teach and restore, not to punish or shame.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

The Goal:

Winning or achieving success should not be the ultimate focus of parenting. Instead, the aim is to nurture children’s hearts and help them become whole, healthy individuals.

Common Misconception:

Many parents believe that their job is to ensure their kids achieve success, whether in sports, school, or life. But this pressure often teaches children that their worth is tied to performance, which can stifle their growth and lead to anxiety.

1. Winning is Not the Goal:
   • Winning or high achievement is not a measure of parental success. What matters more is raising children with character, joy, and resilience.
   • A shift from performance-based parenting to heart-centered parenting allows kids to thrive without fear of failure.
2. Love is Not Based on Success:
   • Emphasizing performance can inadvertently make kids feel that they need to earn their parents' approval. God's love is unconditional, and our parenting should reflect that.
   • Success-driven parenting risks building fragile identities that crumble when achievements fall short.
3. Failure is a Growth Opportunity:
   • Losing or falling short can be valuable teaching moments. These moments provide opportunities to build character, humility, and perseverance.
   • Instead of focusing on wins, focus on effort, attitude, and joy in the process—whether your child wins or loses.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "An emphasis on winning is a losing plan for parents."
• "God’s love is not based on merit, and neither should ours be."
• "Our kids are more than what they accomplish."
• "Winning might feel good, but it’s not the point—wholeness is."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Winning isn’t everything: Success isn’t the goal. Parenting should focus on shaping character, not chasing achievements.
• Love must be unconditional: Children need to know they are valued beyond their accomplishments.
• Embrace failure: Use moments of struggle as opportunities for growth. Value your child’s effort and attitude more than their outcome.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the idea that success defines good parenting. They explore how focusing on effort, joy, and character development—rather than chasing wins—leads to healthier children and relationships. Parenting, they argue, should reflect God’s unconditional love, freeing kids to grow without the fear of failure.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode’s question comes from Allison in Georgia: Timestamp 3:50

Question:

"I grew up with strict discipline and want my kids to have more freedom, but I’m struggling to find the right balance. How can I give them freedom while still guiding them with discipline?"

The Goal:
Kids need gracious structure in order to thrive. Proper discipline doesn't restrict them—it sets them free by providing boundaries that allow for growth and flourishing.

Common Misconception:
Discipline is often viewed as limiting freedom. However, real freedom can only come when children have clear boundaries that guide their choices and protect their well-being.

Key Discussion Points:

1. God’s Model for Discipline:
   • In the Bible, God’s commandments and laws weren’t designed to restrict people but to help them thrive and grow. Similarly, parental boundaries allow kids to flourish.
   • Reference: "The law was made for man, not man for the law" (Mark 2:27)—a reminder that boundaries are for our benefit, not our restriction.
2. Boundaries Increase Freedom:
   • Without clear boundaries, kids may feel anxious or overwhelmed. Establishing healthy, firm limits allows children to explore within safe zones, giving them true freedom.
   • Example: Screen time restrictions can actually reduce arguments and create structure, leading kids to explore other interests like playing outside or reading.
3. Freedom and Discipline Go Hand-in-Hand:
   • Giving kids freedom within boundaries teaches them responsibility and helps them make better decisions. By involving kids in decision-making, they learn independence within a secure framework.
   • Example: Offering kids choices within structured guidelines empowers them while still ensuring discipline.
4. Discipline Creates Opportunities for Growth:
   • Just like music theory or sports rules enhance creativity and performance, boundaries in life help kids excel. Whether it’s screen time or chores, discipline gives kids a sense of achievement and satisfaction when they work within the rules.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Our kids need gracious structure in order to thrive."
• "Discipline doesn’t restrict freedom; it enhances it."
• "Boundaries are for our flourishing, not for holding us back."
• "Kids are really bad at being adults. They need us to provide structure so they can grow into it."
• "If we don’t give them boundaries, kids will actually feel less free."

Key Takeaways:

• Balanced Discipline: Discipline is not about controlling your kids but setting them up for success. Boundaries provide a structure that leads to real freedom.
• Freedom Within Structure: By offering choices within boundaries, kids gain independence while still being guided by the limits you’ve set.
• Flourishing, Not Restriction: When kids understand and operate within boundaries, they thrive, becoming more confident and capable.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss how discipline, when paired with freedom, helps children grow and flourish. By using the model of God’s structure with His people, parents can create a safe, guiding framework that allows their kids to explore life with confidence. Remember, true freedom comes from understanding and thriving within the boundaries set by loving parents.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Question:

"With all the changes happening in the world, how do I keep my kids safe in what feels like an increasingly dangerous environment?"

The Goal:
Our primary job as parents is not to make sure our kids are always safe, but to help them become strong and resilient. Safety is important, but it is part of a bigger goal: preparing kids to thrive in a challenging world.

Common Misconception:
Parents often think their main responsibility is to protect their kids from every risk. However, a better approach is to prepare them for life's challenges, equipping them to face danger with wisdom and confidence.

Staying on Track in Parenting

1. God Prepares Strong Disciples, Not Just Safe Ones:
   • Throughout the Bible, God continually leads His people into challenging situations. He didn’t always protect them from hardship but used struggles to help them grow stronger in faith and character.
   • As Romans 5:3-5 says, suffering produces endurance, which builds character and leads to hope. Risk and struggle are necessary for growth.
2. Fear Shouldn't Drive Parenting Decisions:
   • While safety is a concern, fear should not be the driving force behind our parenting choices. By preparing kids for danger, we help them face the world with confidence rather than fear.
   • God is not afraid, and perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). This truth should guide how we approach our children’s development.
3. Risk and Suffering Are Essential for Growth:
   • Risk and suffering are not obstacles to avoid but tools for developing resilience. Giving children appropriate levels of challenge at each age helps them learn to navigate the world.
   • Preparing the child for the road—not clearing the road of challenges for the child—is key to raising confident, capable adults.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Our job is to raise strong kids, not just safe kids."
• "God's goal is to raise strong disciples, not just safe disciples."
• "If we remove all the wind, the tree won't grow strong roots."
• "Fear should never drive our parenting decisions."
• "Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Strength over Safety: Parenting isn’t just about minimizing risk, but about preparing children to handle challenges with strength and faith.
• Risk is Part of Growth: Appropriate challenges and risks help children build resilience and confidence.
• Fight Against Fear-Driven Decisions: Keep fear from controlling how you parent. Instead, trust God and focus on preparing your children for the world’s challenges.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the difference between raising safe kids versus strong kids. The Bible provides many examples of how God uses challenges and suffering to help His people grow. As parents, our role is to prepare our kids to face risks with strength and wisdom, not to eliminate all danger from their lives.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Question:

"No matter how much I discipline my kids, they keep misbehaving. How do I get my kids to behave and do the right thing?"

The Goal:
Good behavior is not the ultimate goal of good parenting. While discipline is important, the true focus should be on shaping a child’s heart and identity, rather than just their actions.

Common Misconception:
Many parents fall into the trap of thinking good parenting means having well-behaved children. However, focusing solely on behavior risks teaching children that love is conditional.

Staying on Track in Parenting

1. Good Behavior is Not the Ultimate Goal:
   • Good behavior is important but not the most crucial outcome of parenting. Parenting is about guiding children in character development, not just behavior correction.
   • Discipline is essential, but it should be seen as a process of shaping children into the person God designed them to be.
2. Behavior and Love Shouldn’t Be Conditional:
   • When parents make behavior the ultimate goal, they unintentionally teach that love is earned through obedience. This results in children who either rebel or behave out of fear.
   • God’s love for us is not transactional, and our parenting should reflect that same covenantal love—unconditional and consistent, regardless of behavior.
3. Misbehavior is a Learning Opportunity:
   • Instead of viewing misbehavior as a failure, see it as an opportunity for growth and discipleship. It’s a chance to teach your child about their identity and potential.
   • Discipline the action, but affirm the child's identity, reminding them that they are loved and capable of more.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Good behavior is not the goal of good parenting."
• "Kids are really bad at being adults—and that’s okay."
• "Love is not conditional to obedience."
• "When we make behavior the main thing, we teach our kids that love is earned."
• "Parenting isn’t about behavior modification, it’s about identity shaping."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Behavior isn't everything. Good behavior is fine, but it's not the ultimate goal. Parenting is about shaping a child’s heart and character.
• Love must be unconditional. If we emphasize obedience over love, children may feel that they have to earn our love through good behavior, which is not the message we want to send.
• Focus on identity over actions. Use misbehavior as a teaching moment to guide children in becoming the people God designed them to be, rather than simply correcting their actions.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the common belief that good parenting equals good behavior. True parenting involves guiding children through love, identity, and discipleship—not just focusing on their actions.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Question:

"You’ve talked about the challenges of parenting in a culture of hurry and hostility. But what about the part of culture that seems to be getting more hopeless? How can we raise our kids to have hope in a world that feels like things are only getting worse?"

The Goal:
Instilling hope in our children, despite the increasing hopelessness in the world. While cultural despair is real, it doesn't need to infiltrate our homes. By aligning our perspective with God's truth, we can offer hope to our kids.

Common Misconceptions:
Many people believe the world is worse now than ever before, but biblically, there's nothing new under the sun. What’s changing is our perspective, not necessarily the state of the world.

How to Stay on Track in Parenting:

1. Perspective Matters:
   • The biblical worldview tells us that while challenges are real, this isn’t the worst the world has ever been. Wars, famines, and hardship have always existed, but today’s hyper-connected media amplifies fear and anxiety.
   • It's essential to shift our focus from the gloom to the bigger picture of God's plan, much like the analogy of holding a credit card close to your face—when it's too close, it's all you see, but when you step back, the world becomes clearer.
2. Anxiety is Caught and Taught:
   • If we’re anxious, our kids will be too. Children pick up on our emotions and responses. While anxiety is real and should not be minimized, we must recognize its contagious nature and be intentional about creating an environment of calm and trust.
   • Jesus himself spoke frequently about fear, reminding us to “be anxious for nothing,” and that anxiety is not an outgrowth of the Holy Spirit.
3. We Don’t Have to Play the Game of Hopelessness:
   • Though the world is filled with fear and hopelessness, as followers of Christ, we’re invited to live differently. We are called to a life of hope, grounded in God’s promises, not in the shifting circumstances of the world.
   • Parenting with this perspective can set our children free from the fears that dominate culture, allowing them to grow with hope and confidence in God's ultimate control.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Anxiety is caught and taught. If a parent is anxious, so will a kid be."
• "Just because hopelessness is part of the culture doesn’t mean it has to be part of your family."
• "Our world isn’t worse than it’s ever been. It’s our perspective that’s gotten worse."
• "Jesus said, ‘Do not be afraid,’ not because the world wasn’t hard, but because God is bigger than the world's problems."
• "Anxiousness is not a fruit of the Spirit."

Key Points Takeaways:

• The world isn't worse than ever, but our perspective often makes it seem that way. Shifting our focus allows us to raise children who see beyond the immediate chaos.
• Children learn anxiety from their parents. Being open about our struggles while pointing to hope in God’s promises helps our kids navigate a world full of fear.
• God offers a life of hope: We are not doomed to play by the world's anxious rules. We can parent with hope, knowing that God is in control.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the growing sense of hopelessness in the world and how parents can counter that by instilling hope in their children. Remember, anxiety may be present in the culture, but it doesn’t need to define your home. Focus on God’s bigger plan, and model trust and hope for your kids.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode's question comes from Megan in Texas:

 Question:

"Hi, this is Megan from Texas. My oldest is about to start school, and I’m torn about where to send him. Whenever I reach out to friends or do research, the environment seems really hostile. I feel like I can’t make the right choice. Why do I feel so much shame when I’m trying to make the best decision for my child?"_

---

The big idea:   Parenting with confidence and grace in a world that often amplifies shame and judgment. Grace sets parents free from the shame-inducing hostility of our culture.

In this episode, Cody and Greg will discuss:

1. It's not just you, the culture is meaner:  

   - Today’s digital world amplifies judgment, making parents feel like every decision is scrutinized.

   - However, this judgment is not new. Like the Pharisees in the Bible, our culture’s hostility is driven by fear and insecurity.

   - Parenting confidently in this environment helps teach our kids not to be afraid of making mistakes.

2. Grace can free us from shame and fear:  

   - God’s grace allows us to parent without fear. We can make decisions confidently, knowing mistakes are part of the process.

   - Our kids learn from our confidence, even when we make the wrong choices.

3. Parenting out of wisdom and delight:  

   - We are called to parent with wisdom and delight, not out of fear or shame.

   - We can’t control the hostile culture outside, but we can create a loving, grace-filled environment at home.

---

 Key Points Takeaways:

- The world is hostile, but our homes don’t have to be. Create a space where both parents and kids can grow without fear of judgment.

- Teach by example: When parents are confident in their decisions, kids learn to trust their own choices.

- Grace allows freedom: Parenting with grace gives us the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, without the burden of shame.

---

Learn more at:  

www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at GUM Audio  

www.gumaudio.com

This episode's question comes from Logan in Louisiana:

 Question:

"Yesterday, I was trying to get my kids out the door and completely lost my patience. It feels like we’re always running late, and it’s adding a lot of stress to our family. Why are we in such a hurry all the time, and what is this doing to our kids?"

Big Idea: We can't follow God's blueprint for raising kids if we are always in a hurry.

Here are a few things you'll hear in the podcast.

1. Hurry is the result of idolatry.  

2. Hurry harms our kids.  

3. We’re not doomed to a life of hurry.

 Key Takeaways:

- Hurry is violence to the soul. It impacts our relationships with our kids and blocks us from creating an environment of grace.

- Your schedule doesn’t need to control you. Slowing down, saying “no” more often, and creating margin allows for better decisions and deeper connections with your family.

- God’s blueprint for parenting involves grace and patience, not rushing. We can live a life free from the idolatry of busyness and focus on what really matters—our kids and our relationship with them.

---

Learn more at:  

www.gracebasedfamilies.com 

Produced by: The fine folks at GUM Audio. Made to stick.

www.gumaudio.com

This episode's question comes from Katy in West Linn, Oregon: 

Question and Timestamp: 7:30
"Hi I'm Katy, I have four kids 10 and under. Between the kids sports schedule, school schedule, all the different discipline needs and trying to be intentional with my husband, I feel like I'm barely treading water sometimes. I know there's a big picture for parenting and I really want to be intentional, but it's hard to see it right now.  What is the big picture for parenting and how can I stay on track for it amidst the business of life?" 

This episode looks at the big picture of parenting, which is to help our kids become fully alive in God. 

To stay on track in the midst of all the parenting chaos, parents need to develop:

1. A long game perspective

2. A mindset the sees parenting as an opportunity, not an obligation

3. A commitment to learning and living out God's blueprint for families

Key Takeaways:

- Parenting is consequential: Our influence shapes who our kids become.
- Kids want us to succeed: They desire a relationship and support in their spiritual growth.
- Parenting amidst busyness: Embrace opportunities in everyday moments to connect and guide spiritually.

Learn more: 
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by the fine folks at Gum.
www.gumaudio.com

Each week you'll hear insights and humor from Greg and Cody as they explore a grace based blueprint for raising kids in all stages of life. 

Get more from Grace Based Families at wwww.gracebasedfamilies.com

Have a question for the show?  Email it to: family@gracebasedfamilies.com