Absinthe Fathers

Episode 10 - The Average Length of a Man

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 06 Nov 2025 13:42:43 -0600

We finally hit record again and immediately derail into Halloween chaos, Christmas lights, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, dyslexia, British lit trauma and the eternal question: what is the actual average height and, uh, you know. It's peak Absinthe Fathers energy — dumb quizzes, sincere dad-life and bits that go way too far and somehow land anyway.

Episode 9: My Owner Beats Me

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 09 Oct 2025 10:10:03 -0500

Andy gifts Kyle a children’s book with a very unfortunate title — “My Owner Beats Me” — and what follows is an unhinged, dramatic reading of a not-so-innocent dog story. From colon cleanse disasters to grocery shopping meltdowns, allergic cats and kids’ side hustles, the guys spiral into a mix of bodily regrets, domestic chaos and nostalgic dad talk.

Plus, they try (and fail) to call their friend Cameron on his birthday, reminisce about Bo Burnham’s Inside and plot Andy’s midlife drift-car phase. It’s another wild, too-honest night with the Absinthe Fathers.

Episode 8: Jordan Plugs His Butt

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 02 Oct 2025 10:35:13 -0500

Streamer chaos meets dad-life confessions. Andy and Kyle welcome their internet-degenerate friend Jordan for a rapid-fire hang about Twitch culture (subs vs. bits, “F***ed Up Friday,” Rocket League humbling), the cursed “six seven” meme invading elementary schools, and whether spanking actually works (spoiler: no). We also get Andy’s unbelievable armored-car “marksmanship” story and a P. Diddy trivia game that goes completely off the rails. It’s unfiltered, funny, occasionally heartfelt, and very… Absinthe Fathers.

Guest: Jordan — nightly Twitch streamer and Rocket League masochist. Check him out at twitch.tv/jrdnnofficial

Episode 7: Kyle Gets Married

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 25 Sep 2025 09:00:00 -0500

Kyle is officially a married man—and the Absinthe Fathers have stories. From wedding speeches gone off the rails (including a fake ChatGPT-written bit) to ring talk, tattoos, roasts that never happened, and a few surprises at the reception, Andy and Kyle break down the chaos and comedy of the big day. Plus: Jordan passes out, Cameron stirs drama with the wedding coordinator, and the guys debate who would win a hot dog sprint—Usain Bolt or Joey Chestnut. This is one of the tamest episodes yet… but that’s not saying much.

Episode 6 Part Two: The Penis Transplant List

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 04 Sep 2025 09:00:00 -0500

In this wild continuation, Andy and Kyle are joined again by the Nickster and Gay Cameron for Episode 6, Part Two of Absinthe Fathers. The crew rewinds to 2016 to tell the story of how a Trump rally led to front-row seats, signed merch and one unforgettable handshake. From political chaos to the bizarre reality of a "penis transplant list," the conversation swerves between outrageous confessions, relationship dynamics, late-night philosophizing and the kind of unfiltered banter you've come to expect.

If you thought Part One was off the rails, buckle up — this one goes all the way.

Episode 6 Part One: Gay Tech Support

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 09:00:00 -0500

In this episode of Absinthe Fathers, Andy and Kyle are joined by two very different but equally chaotic guests—Nikki and Cameron—for a wild ride of stories, bits, and debates. From sneaker obsessions and old-school viral YouTube videos to Bartlesville gossip, dead body discoveries, and the invention of “Gay Tech Support,” no topic is off-limits.

Expect arguments over stolen bikes, awkward family texts, police body cam conspiracies, and the male gaze vs. the male gays. Plus, we hear how Cameron may (or may not) have shaken hands with Donald Trump.

It’s unfiltered, unpredictable and probably going to get us in trouble — just how we like it.

Episode 5: Our Male Celebrity Crushes

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 09:00:00 -0500

What do Tom Hanks, Paul Walker, Will Smith and Adam Driver have in common? They all come up in this wildly unfiltered episode of Absinthe Fathers. Andy, Kyle and special guest Ashlee dive into their most surprising celebrity crushes (male and female), play the world's most chaotic word association game and somehow end up debating South Park, Trump's AI wiener, low testosterone, Ron Jeremy and Oklahoma’s rank in education.

Along the way, we swap embarrassing stories, talk about Ashley's shift from music to teaching journalism, and unravel what makes certain celebrities so magnetic — even if they're problematic. It's part nostalgia trip, part drunken philosophy and part therapy session fueled by bad absinthe and worse decisions.

Grab a drink (preferably not with a bug in it), and hang out with us as we celebrate Andy's birthday, roast each other's taste in crushes and prove once again that Absinthe Fathers will talk about literally anything.

Episode 4: I'm a man, I'm 40

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 14 Aug 2025 09:00:00 -0500

It’s official: Andy’s 40, Kyle’s still not, and the Absinthe Fathers are celebrating with a pint of Guinness (straight from Dublin) and a healthy dose of existential dread. This episode is a chaotic mix of midlife reflections, Irish travel stories, Guinness appreciation, climbing an un-climbable mountain, awkward run-ins with locals, and a deep dive into “Lost” theories.

We also detour into GoldenEye fights, project car disasters, pandemic nostalgia and a conspiracy-laced round of “This is America.” It’s absurd, it’s sincere, it’s full of random tangents — exactly what you came here for.

Episode 3: Circus Pianists

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 07 Aug 2025 09:00:00 -0500

In this absolutely unhinged episode of Absinthe Fathers, Andy and Kyle welcome their very first guest — Michael, the mysterious friend who shows up and shows out. Fueled by absinthe and nostalgia, the trio dives into blind rankings of questionable people (yes, including Disney Adults and the Viet Cong), Amish home tours, cursed candies, white people's opinions on Kendrick Lamar and the spiritual trauma of second-grade career day.

Also: Kyle wants to see every famous guy's wiener (for science), Michael almost steals an Amish baby and Andy reveals a heartless elementary school teacher crushed his childhood dream of becoming a knight. We close with a soulful reflection on The Righteous Gemstones, ministry trauma, dream jobs and…uh…eating the p word on a plate?

It’s chaotic. It’s offensive. It’s borderline educational.

We may never be allowed back in church or the Nowata Country Club again.

Episode 2: Kick Him in the Nuts

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 31 Jul 2025 09:00:00 -0500

Kyle drinks a 12-pack and spirals into a hilarious existential crisis about respect, friendship, and sacred nut-kicking diplomacy. Andy tries to play therapist but ends up co-hosting a divine Dungeons & Dragons one-shot where Kyle’s choices are... unfortunate. We discuss loyalty, photography, parenting in the age of TikTok, and how to win Godzilla on VHS. Plus: the Workaholics broke Kyle’s heart, Star Wars opinions no one asked for, and a perfectly reasonable idea for a local "Whose Butt Is It Anyway?" calendar.

If you’ve ever wanted to kick a cultist in the nuts in the name of Jesus, this one’s for you.

Episode 1: Apocalypse Licker

Kyle and Andy — Thu, 24 Jul 2025 14:41:51 -0500

Welcome to the inaugural episode of Absinthe Fathers. Andy and Kyle dive headfirst into the absurd and relatable, starting with their questionable choice of "apocalypse liquor" — a truly vile bottle of absinthe saved for the end times. From Kyle’s retired rap career to the personal life of their friend Cameron, no topic is off-limits. They explore the unspoken bond forged when both father and son share the humbling experience of sharting, contemplate suing a "B-tier local magazine" for stealing their work and ponder the mysteries of lawn obsession, parenting mishaps and cowboy boots. Tune in for chaotic storytelling, niche humor and conversations you'd never dare have with your own dad.